Utaan

by Imploding Colon


Two Halves To Every Thing

A match rubbed against the rusted railing of Red Barge's utmost platform, lighting in an instant. Skagra raised it to a cigarette in his mouth. He flung the match behind him, took a puff of the cancer stick, and brushed his red bangs to the left. As they fell back to the right, the Top Dredger stared due west.

Past the struts—the layers and layers of fused boats—a pair of steamships chugged towards the horizon. Both of Monket's ships split apart, heading diagonally northwest and southwest to where they would scour the sea for their elusive target.

“There he goes... off to fetch Chandler's golden goose,” Nixkit said. He strolled up to the railing and sighed through Skagra's second-hand-smoke. “That's an awful lot of bits for the fat cat to be investing in a slaver from Mudtop.”

“Mmmhmmm...” Skagra took another drag of his cigarette.

Nixkit glanced aside. “You suppose it's true what Monket said?” The pale dredger's eyes narrowed. “About the Right Talon of Verlaxion coming to investigate?”

Skagra blew smoke into the foul air. “You suppose I piss sideways after waking up in the morning?”

Nixkit leaned against the railing with an exasperated sigh. “Boss...” He glared aside. “If one of the Council's serrated death pigeons shows up at our doorstep, there's going to be trouble. Forget Chandler's prized pegasus. We have a lot more at stake here than he does.” Nixkit flinched as a cigarette bounced off his forehead. “Guh!”

Skagra pivoted about. Fuming smoke, he pointed an angry hoof in the second-in-command's chest. “Do not compare me to the fat cat. I have at least five more testicles than any of his family ever did.”

“I'm just saying...!” Nixkit rubbed his brow with a frown. “There's nothing but open ocean between the Quade and here! If the Rainbow Rogue's lucky enough to have avoided drowning in all that drink, then one of the Barges is her first stopping point between the Luminards and the western prefectures!”

“Eh...” Skagra brushed his stubborn bangs again. “The dayum duckey's probably shark food.”

“Doesn't matter if she is or isn't! The fact is, Chandler thinks she's out there! And if that's what he and his Monket monkey believe, then odds are that the Council and the rest of Rohbredden does too!” Nixkit hissed. “Skagra, this place is fixing to become a zoo overnight! And if what Monket says is true about the bounty Chandler's spreading—”

“We can cash in on that,” Skagra said. “Gain ourselves a frisky pot of gold at the end of that rainbow tush. Hah!”

“And then if the Talon intervenes?” Nixkit gritted his teeth. “Skagra, you and I both know that we can't afford that kind of attention.”

“The morons who have governed nautical law for the past five decades of dickspace know a thing or two about not knowing a thing or two,” Skagra said, pacing around the exterior of the Skag Hole. “If they get too nosy, we invoke the statutes of the sea and force them to double back. If they play dumb, we play dumber. We drag and delay until death makes the whole thing moot, and then everypony will remember that they don't give a damn.”

“Even over this Rainbow Rogue?”

“I don't know if you pay attention, Nixxy, but nopony pays attention,” Skagra muttered. “This hooplah over a Quade-wrecking monster will last only as long as ponies of the sea are willing to vomit it out. Then they'll get bored of the melodrama and find some other urban legend to get their anchors in a twist over. I've seen it happen a gazillion times. Only—right now—Chandler's schizo enough to throw his belly into the mangler, thinking it might give him an edge. Well, the moment he dared to dip his stupid fetlock into the waters that Monket and I swim in, he gave up all pretense of being a smart bastard, and I intend to drown him like a bag of puppies.” Skagra leaned against the eastern railings, scratching his chin as he gazed over the waters. “Sure, they might send the Talon, but they'll see nothing but the same filth and godlessness that the core of Rohbredden despises, and they'll give up on us as they always do.” He smirked back at Nixkit. “That's how it helps to be damned, Nixxy. When the holier-than-thou farttards of the world shove you deep into the muck, you find yourself in control of the whole foundation. I've seen an awful lot for having shit for eyes. The world doesn't have to be likeable for you to be able to rule it.”

Nixkit strolled over. “But explain something to me if you can.”

“Yarp.”

“Let's say Monket does find something out there?” Nixkit pointed out west. “And he brings it back to the Barge. What then?”

“If this thing is such a 'monster,' then Monket knows that the most secure place to keep it is in the brig situated at the south strut of the Barge,” Skagra replied. “I intend to lock it away under our metal... holding it there—feeding it just enough to keep it alive, but barely. Then we'll drag out Chandler's patience until he's willing to give us anything. And just when we've become fat off of his bits and his desperation... we'll cut him off completely.”

“How?”

“Simple.” Skagra messed with his impossible bangs again. “We'll kill it.”

“Kill the Rainbow Rogue?” Nixkit blinked. “And what if Monket protests?”

“We'll kill him too.”

Nixkit sighed. “I guess this is why I can't be Top Dredger.”

“Hmmm?”

“I just... don't get the logic in betraying everyone we come in contact with, boss. Won't it... won't it come back to bite us somehow?”

“It's not about betrayal, Nixxy.” Skagra leaned over, draping a hoof around the dredger's shoulder. “It's about being cruel. Inflicting pain, paralysis, and poop. The Three P's. Without P-Cubed, you're just as powerful as any mucking guppy of the sea. And you can't half-ass it either, or else somepony with greater strength, smarts, and luck will get the edge over you.”

“Well, you didn't need to tell me that, boss,” Nixkit said with a blink. “I see that everyday.”

“Do you? Do you really?” Skagra pointed at the thin line between the scarred half of his face and the normal side. “Remember the former Top Dredger? He half-assed things. That's how I ended up on top and he ended up with his muzzle being shoved into a harvest grinder. This is a shitty world, Nixxy, with only the very peak of it painted in gold. Unless you've got the capability of ball-crushing everyone and everything you meet, then you might as well jump into the muck and roll over, cuz you're as good as bloat.” He leaned back. “Got it?”

Nixkit gulped and nodded. “Got it.”

“Good. Now, don't ever let me side-hug you again.” Skagra gazed east again, nostrils flaring. “You're like a bottle of apple lube dipped inside siren phlegm, I swear to Goddess...”

“I'm guessing that, with this latest arrangement with Monket, we're having to divert resources from harvesting the local shelves?”

“Hrmmm... you bring up a good point, Nixxy.” Skagra tapped his muzzle, squinting. “And thanks to Digiffery Doo, we're already down a few bars.” He took a deep breath. “How long until Unification Day for the snow-huffers?”

“About a week, I'd imagine,” Nixkit said. “Maybe less.”

“Good. That means they're initiating the last funeral rites before the Month of Thawing.” Skagra cracked his neck joints. “Grnnffff... rev up the engines. Take us south.”

“Aye, Skagra.” Nixkit trotted down towards the engine levels.

“There's more than one way to earn a bit,” Skagra said, shuffling back into his office. “Plus, I wouldn't mind a few extra trinkets for my desktop.” He entered, shutting the door behind him. “Oh hey! Dust! My favorite!” Thud.


“You feel that?” Whony remarked. All around the hold, the walls shook and groaned with deep metallic vibrations. “We're moving! All of the struts are spreading apart!”

“Seems like we're moving south,” Quint remarked, pacing around a burning barrel. “And the Slaver of the Waves just took off west.”

“What is the Top Dredger even doing up there?” asked another colt.

“Hopefully we'll find out soon,” Quint grumbled. As prophesied, a scruffy frown shape limped into focus. “Hey! Sea foam! What's the scoop?”

Swab had his head hanging down. His right ear twitched, facing away from them.

Quint rolled his eyes. “Oh, for the love of barnacles...” He marched over on thudding hooves and yanked Swab until the little colt faced him. “Hey! Dumbflank! Give us an update or I'll give you a concussion!

“Guhhh!” Momentarily surprised, Swab grimaced. “They... th-they're after the Rainbow Rogue!”

“Who is?! Monket?”

Swab gulped. “Him and his slave crew! They're going to 'bag and tag' her and bring the monster to Red Barge!” His yellow eyes darted across the gathering faces. “Some rich pony in Rohbredden named Chandler wants to get ahold of her!”

“For the stuff she did in the Quade?”

“Is she going to wreck the Red Barge too?”

“How are they even going to contain the monster?”

“Isn't Skagra afraid of losing his harvest to her superpowers?”

Quint sighed, waving off the anxious orphans. “Well, half-head? What's Skagra's plan?”

“What else?” Swab shuddered. “He's going to choke Chandler of his money... using the monster as leverage.”

“Hah!” Whony grinned wide. “That's our Skagra alright!” He turned around to face the other orphans. “Those uptight snobs in Rohbredden don't even know what they're dealing with!”

“But... but what if Mudtop gets angry and sends more of Monket's kind to steal the monster?”

“So?”

“So?!? They might try and grab us!”

“Pffft... sounds like an upgrade if you ask me.”

“Are you kidding?! I've lived all my life here! The rest of the seven seas sound scary!”

“The only thing you should be afraid of is pissing off Quint with that yellow belly of yours!”

“Yeah! Ha ha ha!”

“Is that all? They're going to bring the monster here?”

“Assuming they even catch her alive!”

“Of course she's alive. She ate a bunch of monks, didn't she?”

“No... I mean if they survive bagging and tagging her!”

“Good point. Wow... not sure Red Barge could survive any more leaks!”

“They'd just have us patch 'em up!”

“Heheheheh...”

“Well, sea foam?” Quint dropped Swab, his nostrils flaring as he leered down at him. “Is that all you heard?” He raised a hoof. “If you're holding anything back from us, then I'll cream ya.”

“I... I...” Swab blinked.

“Hmmm?”

Swab's muzzle hung open. He thought about Skagra's voice... about how icy the office got as soon as he talked Monket down. A five-letter word spun rancid circles in the little foal's brain, until at last his ear folded and he exhaled with a defeated breath.

“No... that's it. Nothing else.”

The orphans flocked together in bunches, murmuring with an excited commotion.

Quint stood in place, squinting at Swab for a prolonged period of time. At last, with a huff, he turned tail and trotted back to his quarters. Whony and a bunch of other colts followed him.

Swab was completely alone. With a shudder, he turned and strolled the rest of the way to his mattress. He passed by Croche and a bunch of other fillies seated on their bunks.

“Do you think it could happen? Do you think the monster would do to us what she did to the Quade?”

“I dunno about you girls, but I have my escape plan.”

“Pffft... not the 'float away on bloated dredgers' plan...”

“Why not? After all the times they've smacked us around, we deserve to get some use out of them grown-ups!”

“Heeheehee...”

Croche's voice droned: “And just where would any of us float to? We're Red Barge inside and out. You think there's a place amongst the seven seas that will take us?”

The rest of the fillies said nothing. They sat in dull silence while Croche continued gazing into the firelight.

At last, Swab slumped onto his mattress. He rolled onto his side, gazing at the loose metal panel where he had his letters to Verlaxion written. At one point, he reached a tiny hoof towards it... but stopped. He exhaled out his nostrils, then let his hoof fall. Curling up into a little brown ball, the colt closed his eyes, allowing darkness and exhaustion to drown out the gossiping orphans far behind him.


With gentle, kind hooves, a mare layed out a white bandage over a monk's bleeding backside. She knelt close to the pony's body as the equine shuddered in fitful slumber. After murmuring a quiet prayer to Verlaxion, she got up with a flounce of her braids. The mare strolled down a line of bodies lying beneath a patchwork canvas tarp. A series of woven platforms had been dredged from the Quade. They formed a tiny peninsula along the north edge of the ravine, not too far from the platform that held the community's latrine. It wasn't much, but the place served as a sturdy enough foundation for the remaining population of Luminards.

She paused every so often to administer aid and water to the wounded monks. Then, with a sullen sigh, she trotted out into open sunlight for the first time in hours. Squinting, she fumbled through the brightness—ultimately bumping into a feathery figure. Her eyes flew wide, and she jumped back with a gasp. Looking up, her expression grimaced even harder, and she quivered where she stood.

“... ... ...” Keris gazed down at her. “Don't be alarmed. I am Lieutenant Keris of the Right Talon of Verlaxion. I work for the Council of Verlaxion. I was sent to investigate what's happened here... and to ascertain the location of the pegasus known as 'Rainbow Dash.' You seem to be in charge of a lot of things here, if I may be so bold. Might I ask for your assistance?”

The mare held a hoof over her chest, panting in fright.

Keris' magenta eyes blinked. Slowly, he removed his silver helmet and gazed down at her, headcrest exposed. “Let me guess...” He bore a calm smile beneath his beak. “You've never met the Right Talon before.”

She slowly shook her head from side to side, eyes glued on his armor

“Mmmm... I see.” He leaned back, sitting on his feline haunches. “Take as long as you need to catch your breath, and I take no offense at you staring.” He cocked his head to the side. “I'll have you know, it's been several... several eons since any griffon from the mainland has ever indulged in equine flesh. Before Unification, for that matter. And if it's of any consolation...” Keris winked with a smirk. “...we never particularly enjoyed pony.”

The mare's eyes twitched. She exhaled, and her braided tail stopped flicking.

“Better?”

She nodded.

“Might I ask your name, miss?”

She gulped hard. “Mmmm... Nicro. My anointed name is Nicro.”

“Are you in charge here?”

She hung her head, then shook it again.

“That surprises me.” Keris glanced aside. “You appear to be the only pony besides the two protectors who is medically assisting the others.”

“It is my humble duty,” Nicro murmured. “As well as my own personal punishment.”

“Punishment?” Keris raised an eyecrest. “For what?”

She gulped, then pointed with a trembling hoof. “For my inability to be among them.”

Keris glanced over. His hawkeyes traced along the bloody stripes worn into each monk's backside. “Hmmm... I see.”

“I... I pray for strength each and every day...” Nicro shuddered, sniffling. “But I-I cannot feel Verlaxion's presence anymore. I don't even know if sh-she would hear me even if I did have the courage to exorcize myself of my sins.” She choked on a sob. “There's not enough pain and labor to make up for what's been lost.”

Keris took a deep breath. Standing up, he shuffled closer to her. “Well... perhaps that makes us quite similar.”

She rubbed her moist cheek and looked up. “H-huh...?”

“In that respect, I too am quite the sinner,” Keris said. “I mean... I've only ever dedicated my entire life to forcefully vanquishing the enemies of Verlaxion while ensuring the safety and security of her beloved foals. But... eheh... wounding myself for my own transgressions? I'm afraid I don't quite have the courage for that either. I guess I could have spent all these days and mornings of my adulthood whipping myself into a bloody mess, but then I wouldn't have had the time to protect Verlaxion's assets... just like you wouldn't have had the time to restore health and prosperity to Verlaxion's treasured monks here, your brothers and sisters in the Quade.”

Nicro blinked up at him.

“Now...” Keris rested a talon on her shoulder. “From one... kind sinner to another, perhaps you would be willing to have a discussion with me?” His eyes narrowed. “So that I might track down a true avatar of cruelty?”

Nicro shuddered, looking away. “That's not up to me. I'm not the Kyron.”

“Your Kyron is dead, my little pony.”

Nicro winced.

“And there are many... many more who stand to suffer,” Keris said. “Please... will you help me understand what's happened here? With your help... I just might be able to prevent more misery... and restore Verlaxion's glory abroad.”

Nicro gulped. She looked back up.

Keris waited patiently.

“Mmmm... she said she wanted to find her friend,” Nicro murmured. “Rainbow Dash. The pony who did this. She was looking for a magical beacon of harmony or something from inside the metal tower.”

“Metal... tower...?” Keris narrowed his eyes.

“It's all that remains of the Reed.”

“There was... a structure beneath the Reed?”

“Mmmhmm. That's right.”

Keris exhaled, gazing over the waters. “Would you care to show me?”