//------------------------------// // Bonus Chapter: Tales of the drunk // Story: Ain't No Rest For The Wicked // by GatheringFriendship //------------------------------// *5 years ago in an upscale house in Manehattan* A fairly sober Satin is sitting at the family table. The rest of the chairs are filled with our hero's parents, and his younger brother. You can almost feel the cloud of seething anger in the air. His mother is the first to break the heavy silence. “You could do anything with your life, you could study under some of the most intelligent ponies in Equestria, you could do something truly wonderful with your life. But no, College isn’t for you. It’s too boring.” The last word was uttered with so much venom that it could have killed a manticore. “No, no, you need to go out and, ‘find yourself’, everypony in our family has gone to college! You’ll be breaking a Sateen family tradition! Azure is going to college!” The little brother shifted uncomfortably as he kept his attention squarely on his cereal. “You’re not giving a very good example to him!” You could almost hear him thinking. Keep me out of it, keep me out of it. A loud audible sigh escaped Satin’s mouth, as he stood up, walked over to his mother, and gave her the biggest hug he could muster. The tension in the room was instantly diffused as the sound of sobbing filled the room. “We’re just going to miss you so much! The world is such a dangerous place!” This caused Satin to tighten the hug. After a few moments, Satin pulled away from his mother. He made his way around the table, saying his goodbyes, until he made it back to his mother. He gave her another quick hug and an “I love ya,” before floating his saddlebags on to his back, and taking his leave. As the door clicked behind him, a smile appeared on his face. ’Today is going to be fantastic.’ Tales from the drink This title was hastily scratched out, only to be replaced with: Tales of the drunk That had also been rejected, scratched out, and was finally replaced with: Satin’s Journal Entry #1 I guess I should start off with why I’m doing this. I gotta letter from Azure the other day. I dunno how it found me, I’m never in the same town for long, but I’m so glad it did. ANYWAY getting off subject. He had gotten into the College of Canterlot, and had to take some BS writing class. (Writing, really?) Apparently he had to do a journal entry thing, and was completely dreading it. So in my letter back, I promised to share his burden, and I’m a stallion of my word... alright, I can’t even keep a straight face reading that. But this is my brother, so I can’t lie to him. What else am I supposed to put in this damn thing? How my day went? Crap like that? I dunno. Day’s going good so far. I’m in a quiet bar, (quiet bar, I know, oxymoron but it’s the middle of the day on a... I wanna say Tuesday,) in Fillydelphia just passing time and writing this ridiculous journal crap. I keep on getting these weird looks from the mare working the bar. …And now she’s coming over to me, probably to kick me out for weirding her out or something like that. Doooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood! She thinks I’m an author! She invited me back to her apartment for a little ‘light reading’ if ya know what I mean... (I mean ‘bang’, hopefully she doesn’t actually mean reading...) Thanks so hard for the journal thing bro! Satin out! Entry #2 Satin in. Well, if you were wondering, stuff was goin’ really good with that barmare. Until... well, she wanted to hear what I was writing. Straight up refusing would be super suspicious. So I offered to read her some of my poetry... you and I both know I only know dirty limericks off-hoof. So, it was time for my signature spectacular BS-ing skills. It went... terribly. I think I compared her eyes to the “Amber color of beer,”... and they were more of a greenish color... She ended up grabbing the journal and reading that bit from before. It’s been a while since I got my flank kicked by a girl. And don’t worry, pretty much the only thing that really hurts is my pride. (Pride means pride there, NOTHING ELSE!) I’m really giving thoughts into leaving Fillydelphia. I’m getting that general feeling of dislike for this city. It’s ponies are rude, they’re always in a hurry, oh and did I mention I got my FLANK KICKED BY A GIRL!!! Apparently there’s a smaller town up to the north of here. I’m thinking it would be a nice change of pace. SATIN OUT! Entry #3 Traveling. Entry #4 Traveling, Traveling. Entry #5 Traveling, Traveling, Traveling. These three entries had 'Satin In' written really big and 'Satin Out' on the right. Entry #6 Am I supposed to be writing these like I’m writing to you? You’re not going to read them unless I actually let you. Or I die in some blaze of glory and they send you this back. If the second thing happens, don’t let Mom and Dad read the sex bits. Please? I got into Coltstown yesterday. I wrote the last entry when I was on the outskirts of town, and I’m not doing 2 entries in one day. Anywho, I’m coming to the realization that I might be a drunk... First thing I did when I got here was wander around till I found a bar. I’m going to need to find a job here. I’m starting to run low on bits. And, no, even before you suggest it, NO. I’m not asking M&D for money. I’m trying to make my own way. Satin Away! Entry #7 I met a nice quiet mare at a cafe in town today. Her name is Bronze Shell. She’s a beautiful copper colored earth pony with a long rust-red colored mane and the most bright yellow eyes you have ever seen. Shes got a whip as a cutie mark so I can assume she’s some kind of lion tamer or an adventurer of sorts. Which makes me wonder why she’s working as a waiter. I asked her out, and she’s supposed to meet me here in the bar in a couple hours. I’ve got nothing better to do. (Still no job). I asked a couple of new drinking buddies if they knew anything about Bronze. To which they responded, “BDSM Bronze? Boy, you wanna stay away from her!”, and then they laughed. I asked them what BDSM meant, but that just made them laugh even harder. Screw them! I’m just goin’ to finish this entry real quick and then go on a date with a beautiful mare! She even promised to show me her ‘basement’ tonight. *wink, wink, nudge, nudge* Wish me luck! Entry #8 Never ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER ask me about that bucking night. EVER! If I don’t have actual scars from that, I’ll have emotional ones for a while. Let’s never talk about that ever again. I skipped town the night after well... that went down. It’s pouring, it’s too damn cold, and I’ll be quite honest; I need a hug. How’d you like your big bro crashing on your couch for a bit. Yes? Excellent! (I’ll send ya a letter as soon as I get to the next town.) We can compare journals! I bet mine is bigger... Maybe you can tell me how I’m supposed to write this. P.S. Have you heard from Mom and Dad in a while? I know I’m hard to track down but you managed alright. I’d love to hear from them again. Even if they’re just badgering me about college or something silly like that. See ya soon Azzy. Entry #9 plus a good bit Sorry about not writing for a while. Just kinda fell off the ‘to do’ list. Let’s see... When was the last time I wrote in this thing. Bahhhhhh, why didn’t I put dates in this thing. Well, I had just left THAT town so... it’s been almost a week, give or take a few days. You should have gotten my letter by now, and be totally stoked that I’m on my way. I can almost see you rushing to clean out your room. Throwing out stacks of old pizza boxes and a few empty casks. Well, thats if you’ve become more like me. More realistically, I can see you buying earplugs so you can sleep or study through my shenanigans. ...Shenanigans is a fun word... If I ever have a son, I’ll name him Shenanigans... scratch that, that’s silly. I’m on a train currently. Should be at least another day on here before I show up in Canterlot. Have I said how much I love trains? Trains are fantastic! Interesting ponies to talk to, constantly changing landscape, you can sleep ALL THE TIME, and it’s like a moving bar! I bucking love trains! Captain Shenanigans, Signing off. #10 You know what I wouldn’t recommend, getting into a fight on a train. I didn’t mean to dump the beer on the rather large, very angry stallion. I was kinda just screwing around, balancing a brew on my nose. And I know what you’re thinking... ‘Party foul’, but dood was looking to get some revenge. Now you know me, I won’t get into a fight for a number of reasons; if he’s bigger than me, there’s more of em, it’s an earth pony (dem ponies strong), I’m too sober to fight, or I’m too drunk to fight... What was I writing about? Oh right, I’m no coward, but like 3 of the previous requirements were met. Contrary to somepony thats late and stuck waiting for one, there are no endless trains. After running like a mad mare for a good 5 minutes, I made it to the end of the train, (...there’s a word for that...) and ran out of options... well, cept one. There was only one direction left to go, up. I will admit this wasn’t my best decision. The wind whipping past, insta-death on either side. Scary stuff. I threw up a shield to block the wind... and then I kinda just threw up. *Note to self Alcohol + high speeds is a bad idea. I ended up waiting what seemed like forever before teleporting back inside the train, finding a seat, and passing out from a weird combination of stress, fear, and drunkenness. Well, I’m sitting in the train station. Getting this done before I go hunt down my favorite brother, (you won hooves down.) Can’t wait to see you again Az. I’ve sure got some stories! With Wuv, Satin. ...CABOOSE! It's called a caboose! *Author's Note - Dood is kinda like dude, but with more oooooo.*