//------------------------------// // Bargaining: Part Two // Story: I Am His Queen // by Arreis Of Avalon //------------------------------// I take a deep breath as I stand on the border of the Outer Lands, gazing into Equestria. The ground beneath my hooves feels dead; somehow, I feel the grass on the other side will feel no more alive than the rock in my hive. “My Queen?” I turn to look behind me, half expecting Eacko to be standing there after saying that phrase he was ever so familiar with. The General stands there instead. “Yes, Tskari?” “It is just us, my Queen. There is no need to be so formal.” I cannot help but smile softly, though the smile quickly fades. They always do, now. “Thank you, Kari. You have no idea how much of a relief it is to have someone on my side in this…” It’s been such a long time since I last called him that. How long had it really been? “Your grace, I have always been by your side.” He flutters up next to me, standing tall beside me. He, too, looks out toward the grassy plains of Equestria that separate us from them. He sighed, shutting his eyes. “It’s come to this, then.” “I’m afraid it has.” He glances at me. I can taste his concern in the air. He’s worried; scared. “My Queen... are you positive about this choice?” “What choice? I have none to make. This is the only option; surrender or die.” Tskari shakes his head, frowning. “I do not mean our communications with the Equestrians. I mean about you… being queen.” I look at him, surprised. “Do you mean to suggest I should abdicate my throne?” He looks away from me, unable to meet my eyes. I lick my lips, hypersensitive to the emotions around me. Shame. Embarrassment. And… what is that peculiar taste? It reminds me of… something. “I do not wish for you to abdicate your throne, My Queen… but the Changelings would have your head. Perhaps it might be best for you to run. To hide in Equestria.” I feel a surge of anger, but it quickly fades, just as the smiles have. What right do I have to judge his opinion, after my own chances have failed so spectacularly? “I cannot,” I say softly, “abandon my race.” “I ask you to reconsider.” “Tskari, I cannot abandon my people!” I shut my eyes tightly. “I can’t simply leave them in this time of crisis. This is my mess and it is my duty to clean it up.” There is silence between us for a long time. The breeze runs through my mane; I can feel the chill in my hooves. The world feels 10 degrees colder. I glance at the sky. The clouds have covered the sun. There comes a soft sigh from beside me. “He would have thought so as well.” I stare at him. “… He?” I ask hesitantly, fully knowing the answer. “Eacko. That love struck fool.” My voice gets caught in my throat. I try to say something, but nothing comes out. I close my mouth, stunned into silence. Kari knew? He had known all this time? How had he figured it out? I feel tears rising to my eyes; he did doubt me. He didn’t want me to be queen because he knew. He knew how weak I was. How pathetic I was. “Your Majesty…” I turn my back to him, shutting my eyes as tightly as I can, trying to ignore the tears rolling down my cheeks. I don’t want him to see this. It’s just proving his point. “A-As weak as I am,” I say in a wavering voice, “there is no need for me to abandon my people. I can still be a good queen.” No you can’t. Look at you; blubbering already over a single changeling knowing your secret. You’re so pathetic. “My Queen.” You’re just sobbing. Pull yourself together. After all, Eacko managed that where you failed. He took your place. He did what you could never do. You will never be as great a changeling as him. You can barely amount to a larvae. “Chrysalis!” I gasp and open my eyes as he says my name. He puts his hoof on my shoulder, frowning. “You’ve never been that loose with your emotions since you were just a little girl.” I gulp, quickly wiping away my tears. “I-I…” I sigh, hanging my head. “H-How long have you known?” “Forever.” He smiles softly. “Eacko’s always been obsessed with you, ever since you all were kids.” “All?” “All those from your mother’s clutch.” He chuckles, his amber shining eyes swimming with nostalgia. “All of you were just a bit special, weren’t you?” It’s so hard to remember back that far, but I try anyways. I remember bits and pieces; playing with little changelings my age, before I began my training. Eacko had always been close by. He was the first changeling I linked with. I remembered him clearly – all those lost chances at love – but the others were so distant from my memories. “I… don’t recall…” “I wouldn’t expect you too. You were separated from them so early on in life, and you all went fairly separate paths. There was Maskra, remember? He was practically transforming before he knew how to crawl! And Swille, with those wings of his, he could fly better than most anyling. And no one can forget Ocura’s looks and how everyone thought she was supposed to be an infiltrator. She sure proved them wrong...” The memories all start to come back. Maskra and his constant shape shifting… Swille, taking me for flights as soon as he could lift me. Ocura and her constant heckling of us. Eacko… his drawings… “Yeah, you were quite the clutch… All of you went pretty far, didn’t you?” He shuts his eyes. “Even Shasria went somewhere.” I wince at her name. He sighs. “And then there was Eacko…” “He would always draw you,” he began as I kept my head down. “Constantly, he’d just be sitting there with a piece of charcoal. He wasn’t half bad, either. But that wasn’t a good career for him… He wanted to be even closer to you. He wanted to protect you.” The wind blows past us, cold for a spring breeze. I shiver. “Yeah… I guess he did, in the end,” he mutters. “He did… He protected me, even when I did so little for him.” “You did everything for him, my Queen. Everything.” “No, I didn’t. I hardly acknowledged him until it was already too late.” “Don’t you remember him?” I look at him. “Of course I do. I miss him so much… I miss what we could have had.” “You wouldn’t miss someone you did so little for.” I don’t respond. What he said makes some sense, but it mostly brings back memories and thoughts I’m not ready to face. Not yet, at least. I sigh. “… It should have been me.” “Yes. It should have.” I shut my eyes. We stand in silence for a while; there is peace in those brief moments. But it is broken easily. I just have to know more. “You seem so… unsurprised. Is it really so easy for you to accept that a Changeling can love?” “It’s easy to see, actually.” “Oh?” “Changelings have loved for years. It’s only taken this long to see it.” I glance in his direction questioningly. He smiles, fluttering his wings as another breeze sweeps past us. “I even felt love myself, once.” I'm surprised. “Truly?” Tskari nods, chuckling softly. “Yes… Me and Eacko are much more alike than anyling would ever know. You see… We’ve both loved a queen for years. I just happened to love a different one.” My eyes widen as I realize the implications of his statement. “Your mother never returned my affections, and all my feelings of love eventually began to fade. I still live to the promises I made to her, and I still remember my love fondly… It appears in different ways, now.” “Tskari, I… I’m sorry.” “Don’t be, My Queen. Like I said, my love comes in other forms now.” I tilt my head, but he doesn’t say anything more on the subject. My brows furrow as I look to the sky, thinking. Is that the strange taste I keep finding? His ‘different way’ of feeling love? What was the word for it? It tasted so familiar… The silence between us is long this time. I’m don’t want to leave yet. I’m not sure what awaits me in the halls of Canterlot… A trap? My death? I would hate to admit it, but I’m scared. I don’t want to go. “… Permission to resign, your majesty?” I glance at him, my fear turning to shock at the manner he asked me in, as though he were remarking on the weather. “Resign?!” “Yes. I wish to be freed of all obligations as your general.” “T-Tskari, what in the world are you talking about? You’re the best general I’ve ever had – I could never accept a resignation from you!” “I’m afraid I must ask you to reconsider.” I lick my lips. He would never just ask this out of the blue, especially when I feel as broken as I do now. “Why do you wish to resign, Kari?” “Take this as no personal slight, my Queen. My service under your family has been the pride and honor of my old heart. But I’m growing too old for this. Too many wars, too many deaths… I’ve seen all I can take.” “Are you certain?” “Absolutely.” He smiles. “You see… I think it’s time I toured Equestria.” My ears perk up. “It’s possible for a Changeling to go undercover, at least for a while, in Equestria. It should be lovely for my retirement. And, if I just so happen to bump into the Queen while I’m away – well, that’d be an interesting story to tell.” I taste it again – that strange emotion – and I recognize it now. It’s slightly different, just a bit more bittersweet, than what I felt from Eacko, but I can taste it now. Devotion. He can’t come with me. The agreements between ponies and Changelings are supposed to happen with me, alone. No reinforcements. No generals. But nothing in the agreements mentioned Changelings no longer bound to the hive. He’s still trying to look after me. “Gah!” He gasps as I lunge toward him, tugging him close in a hug. He tenses up, surprised. “C-Chrys?” I laugh, crying again; I don’t care this time. Crying is just part of my life, now. Besides – these are those rare happy tears. I savor them. “Your resignation is accepted. Thank you, Tskari… You’re giving up your entire livelihood as a Changeling for me…” “I will do anything for my Queen.” I giggle softly, looking down at him. “Please. Call me Chrysalis.” He grins. “Chrysie it is then.” He gently puts his hoof on my back, holding me. I cry into him, smiling and laughing for the first time in years. I know this moment will pass, just as all the others do - but at least, now, there’s a small glimmer of hope in my dark world.