“Cut! Great work girls! That’s it. Season 5 is a wrap!”
“Thank heavens! I don’t think I could’ve - oh shit what time is it? - I gotta call my agent before she leaves for Las Pegasus!” Dash, whipped out her cell phone. “She told me that Dartin Horsekayzee is doing an new picture and he pretty much wrote the lead role for me. She said I still need to try out for it and do a screen test, but it’s pretty much in the bag. He probably wants me to try out for the part like a regular actress just to make it look good. She wouldn’t tell me anything about the role though....”
The director looked at Rainbow Dash. He rolled his eyes and shook his head slowly. “Really Rainbow? Really?!”
“”What? Hey, it’s who I am baby!”
“Yeah, right,” he smirked, “Let me know how that works out for you…”
“Oh yeah? Well, fu-”
“DASH!” He snapped. “Watch it.”
“I was just going to say, uh... fun times ahead.’”
“Fun?” the director asked dubiously.
“Yeah, you know, that thing you never have? Now I gotta make this call. Llllllater-bye” she said and flew off toward her dressing room.
A production assistant wearing a headset and carrying a clipboard walked up to where the cyan pony was hovering and stood politely behind and below her. “Rainbow Dash?” she asked meekly, trying to keep the awe out of her voice.
Dash glanced over her shoulder at the young filly. She thought she recognized her from around the lot. Dash gave her a wink then scowled before speaking, “Can’t you see I’m on the phone?! What is it?” She sounded annoyed.
“Your hooficurist is here.”
“Finally!!” Dash hung up her cell phone. “I hope Keri brought her crash cart, my hooves are like code freakin blue! Look at them!” She flew over and plopped her right rear hoof on the production assistant’s clipboard, almost knocking it to the ground. Dash peered down at her hoof, then suddenly gasped. “Ohmygosh! D-do I have a hangnail? I can’t look. G-go ahead, tell me - I can take it….”
The tan pegasus filly looked closely at the hoof “I think it looks perfect…”
“Helloooooo - are you kidding me?! Are we looking at the same shapely hoof? It looks like I’ve been out kicking dirt clods with Rarity! Say, who are you? I don’t …” Dash glanced down for a moment. “Ohhhh you must be Candy’s replacement, the one Rarity brought in from the cold. I didn’t catch your name - doesn’t matter- there are a few rules around here sister that you would do well to tattoo on the back of your hoof for future reference. Follow behind now and you can write them on your little clipboard there.” Dash instructed, lifting her hoof off the clipboard and hovering away slowly. The young assistant nodded eagerly clicked the top of her pen and looked up with a big smile. Dash rolled her eyes and shook her head. Then she looked down at the filly.
“First... “
But Dash tripped on the next word. She got her first real look at the young earth pony and it was a long one. The pony looking up at her looked incredibly familiar. She had a light brown coat and a darker mane. Her eyes were magenta. her body firm and lithe. Dash couldn't stop staring at her.
Across the huge sound stage Applejack and Pinkie Pie watched it unfold.
“That poor young thing” said Pinkie,, princess Rainbitch is going to eat her alive..”
“Rainbitch? Really Pinkie? Did you come up with that all by yourself?”
“Sure did! Do you like it?”
“Well it is kinda funny even if it’s not really who Dash is. Anyway you better not let her hear you say it.”
“Sounds to me like somepony’s not following the rules!” Pinkie admonished.
Applejack rolled her eyes then cleared her throat and spoke in a stilted manner suggesting something less than conviction in what she said.. “Oh, right, yeah, lookit ol Rainbitch - she’s sure gettin an eyeful!”
“Ohhh, she’s gettin an eyeful alright. She’s gettin an eyeful BIG TIME! I gotta say, this girl is definitely Dash’s type.” Pinkie was fully committed even if AJ wasn’t.
”Yeah, I reckon she’ll be drooling soon.” AJ smirked.
“Yeah, definitely the flavors that the bitch likes. Light brown mane, firm and trim, little white freckles, too bad she hasn’t got a cowgirl hat and her eyes aren’t green.” Pinkie said with a touch of venom.
Applejack’s jaw dropped. She turned and looked at Pinkie ”Excuse me?”
“Oh I’ll go there, you see if I don’t go there Appleslut!” Pinkie turned and scowled. Then she hissed “I’m going there big time and I’m going to look for a nice piece of real estate with a view of your rump so I can watch it bounce from bed to bed! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to my dressing room for a good cry, a pint of pink bubblegum ice cream, and some drugs which I will wash down a certain bottle of scotch which was purchased for a certain anniversary. In case you don’t know what I’m referring to, it was a bottle that we were supposed to open on our week and a half anniversary, you whore!” Pinkie said through her tears and ran off the sound stage, dodging puzzled stagehoofs as they carried scenery, camera’s and equipment back and forth. She headed straight for her dressing room.
Applejack stood, once again utterly slack-jawed, staring at the retreating pink haunches on either side of the bouncy pink tail and feeling more clueless than she usually felt after a dose of Pinkie randomness.
Rarity came up alongside Applejack. “She still thinks you two had an affair, doesn’t she?”
“Rarity, we gotta talk, I know I said I’d go along with this idea of yours but I don’t know, Did you hear what she just said to me?! Take some drugs?!” Applejack turned toward Rarity. Rarity’s eyes were wet with tears and her chin had started to tremble.
“But, I thought we’d all agreed…” her voice was a tiny whisper “we would all go along with it…”
Applejack closed her eyes, remembering her Pinkie Promise. She let out a deep sigh. and without much conviction said, “Oh yeah, we went out to dinner, once, and suddenly she thinks we’re dating. That ain’t as bad as her telling everypony about all the hot sex we’re supposed to be having.” Applejack looked at Rarity and rolled her eyes “Zat better?”
Rarity gave a tiny smile and sniffed nodding quickly, then returned to the drama...“Oh I know!” she exclaimed. Her smile broadened at the sign that her friend would cooperate, even if it was half-hearted. As for Applejack, she couldn’t help but smile at Rarity’s enthusiasm. She decided to really try.
“WHAT HAVE YOU HEARD ?!! Applejack demanded dramatically, turning toward her..
“Oh nothing darling - just the thing with the tuning fork, the rubber hose and the kumquat.”
“Wait, the WHAT?!” Applejack said, her head snapping back in true shock.
“Oh, I’m sure I don’t know," Rarity said casually, "In any event nopony believes any of it. Well almost nopony…”
This was starting to get a little out of hoof for the farm pony. “Oh GREAT! Just great!” Applejack said, lifting her hat, ready to throw it on the ground.
“Calm down darling, in case you didn’t know, you are not the hot topic of conversation around the set. Have you met Saffron? She’s the pony they hired to replace Candy. She is beyond adorable.”
“Yeah, well I ain’t met her officially, but I’ve seen her. She’s over there talking to Rainbitch.” Applejack said morosely, placing her hat back on her head and nodding in the direction of the two. “You sure ponies ain’t talkin about me?”
“Rainbitch?!” Rarity said gleefully.
“Yeah, Pinkie came up with it.”
“I’ll have to bake her a cake for that one… Anyway, sweetie, you do remember what I told you about being talked about, don’t you?”
Applejack rolled her eyes. “How could I forget. You only told me about a million times when you were pretending to try to convince me to sleep with you. The only thing worse than being talked about, is not being talked about…”
“And it’s still true, and my invitation still stands.”
“Yeah, I reckoned as much, as long as I wear the Applejewel outfit,” Applejack said rolling her eyes once again.
Rarity’s mouth curved into a dreamy smile, her eyes rolled back and she closed her lids as she exhaled a shuddering groan of lust.
Applejack’s head recoiled slightly and for a moment, she looked worried. “Uhhh, you okay?”
In a high pitched squeal Rarity answered. “I think I just had the tiniest orgasm...” then she sighed again and sat down hard.
Applejack lowered her head and raised her hoof until the two met, after which she shook her head slowly, though she had to work to keep from laughing. She had to admit, Rarity was really good at this. The snow white pony looked at Applejack with an expression that seemed to confirm that she may indeed have just had a tiny one... “Oh darling you really did look beyond the beyond with your hair up...in those adorable ringlets...dangling down and framing your gorgeous green eyes…” Rarity closed her eyes as though she were calling the image to mind again.
Applejack was turning a deep crimson. Rarity continued “...and your make-up…”she groaned, “...and the tight, form fitting gown-ow-ow-ow-owwnnnn-ope!” she gave a little squeal, then whispered “I think I just came again!” She smiled sleepily at Applejack and leaned over, kissing the side of her muzzle. She spoke a little louder so that anypony nearby could hear. “Thank you darling, that was wonderful. Oh, and that dress code requirement is no longer necessary. In fact I don’t care if you’re covered in mud. Show up to my dressing room any day or night and I promise to make you happier than any old colt ever could…”
“Uhhh, you're welcome Rarity, and I’ll certainly keep that offer in mind,” Applejack said with a puzzled look and a polite smile.
The stagehoofs had taken a break from carrying large pieces of the set across the soundstage floor. Some had stopped to listen to the conversation.
Back on the other side of the stage Rainbow Dash had landed and was enjoying a nice backrub from the new girl as Keri Tan, her hooficurist stood by holding Dash’s cellphone to her ear and looking very put out. Dash looked at AJ and Rarity with a very smug smile then slowly mouthed two bad words. Well, one was bad, the other was just ‘you.’
Rarity looked at her and suppressed a smile muttering “Atta girl” under her breath, “Dash - what a pro!” She turned back to Applejack who’d heard the compliment, as intended, and felt her competitive nature rise.
She thinks Dash is a pro at this? Just wait Rares…
“So Applejack, will you be attending the wrap party? There’s a rumor that they’re going to have an open bar…”
“I reckon I have to show my face. How long do you figure the bar will be open sweet cheeks?”
If she was impressed with Applejack's attempt at shocking her with such provocative talk, she hid it well. She smirked back and rolled her eyes. Applejack scowled.
Rarity, who was looking past several eavesdropping stagehands who had conveniently decided to pause near enough to listen in, intoned “Oh I should imagine a couple of hours. I do hope you decide to go," now she turned toward Applejack, clearly indicating that the farm pony should listen to how it's done. "I’ll require your assistance in running interference between me and Donut Joe. He thinks he’ll catch me on the rebound from Iron Will, but truth be told I’m just about ready to give up on colts. Don't get me wrong, Willy and I were never serious, more like friends with benefits, but Cheese Sandwich? I cannot tell you how many bits I would part with if I could expunge the vile scene I walked in on between those two in my bed! MY BED!! Please say you’ll be there!” With that she looked at Applejack with a very self satisfied smirk of superiority. The earth pony had been schooled.
A look came over Applejack's face, one that Rarity had not seen before. It was wicked and was reserved for those times when Applejack went in, guns blazing...
“You fucking selfish bitch. Face it, you are on the rebound sugarcube! I should just let you suck down your usual 3 Cosmo’s then stand back so Donut Joe can take that pastry bag of his and frost your donut. Celestia knows you need it. In fact, I might just get in line ahead of you.”
Rarity, jaw agape, eyes wide, was in shock.
Applejack went on, "I reckon you might wanna shut that mouth 'a yours before one of these young colts decides to fill it."
Rarity gasped sharply, then turned to her. There were tears in her eyes. “Oh, Applejack…!”
AJ, suddenly scared that she’d gone too far, blanched.
“I-I can’t believe you said all those things to me! They were, well, utterly… Brilliant!! You are really the best friend a pony ever had!” She threw her arms around her friend and gave her a big hug. After a moment she stepped back. “And talk about a Pro! We could all take a lesson from you!”
Applejack blushed deeply and looked down, pawing the floor in embarrassment and pride. “Aw shucks Rarity…”
Rarity’s voice became one of utter sincerity and she placed a hoof on Applejack’s shoulder.. “Thank you Applejack.“
Applejack looked up at her friend. “You’re welcome...bitch.”
Rarity squealed in delight, gave her a quick hug then suddenly stepped back, took a breath and getting back into the spirit said “Well!” indignantly and marched off in disgust, though she couldn't keep the smile from her lips.
“Hey Sis - great season, eh? Certainly glad it’s over. I truly need the break.” Big Macintosh had strolled up behind her. Applejack decided to show her brother her new attitude as well.
“Oh hey Mac. Yeah, me too." She glanced over at Twilight's new castle, "You know I still want to know just who decided that my throne was going to be next to hers? Don’t laugh, it ain’t funny. Why not put Dash’s next to hers? Make the beginning of a great poker hand - “pair of bitches or better to open…”
Big Mac sighed. “Oh no AJ, not you too. Do we have to? I’m not really sure…”
“What's the matter big brother, can't handle it?" Applejack said with a cocky smirk.
Big Macintosh stopped cold. His sister continued forward then seeing he'd stopped, stumbled. He looked at her, deadpan, then raised a big blonde eyebrow.
"Really?"
Applejack suddenly felt very foolish. She let out a deep sigh. "Now listen Mac, I ain’t exactly crazy about it either, but we all agreed…”
Big Mac smiled to have his sister back, then rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I know. Let’s change the subject then. Have you met Saffron the new production assistant? You know she reminds me of somepony…”
“Don’t you start Mac. She don’t look a thing like me!”
“I don’t know, but something about her reminds me of you...”
“She does not look like me. Look at her, she’s just some star struck kid. Watches the show and thinks that’s who we really are. She’s laughing way too hard at Rainbitch’s lame jokes-”
“Woah! What did you call one of your best friends?”
“Rainbitch. It’s Pinkie’s”
Mac looked at her for a moment then suddenly burst out in laughter. “Oh that’s good! Rainbitch! That is classic. Promise me I’ll be there when she finds out about that.” he said, laughing. “This may turn out to be more fun than I’d realized. You know that Pinkie Pie is makin up stories that the two of you are having an affair.”
“Yeah, I know. We had our first "public fight" about 10 minutes ago.” Applejack said, holding up her forehooves and making the air quotes gesture.
“Oh yeah? How was it?”
“Pretty one sided. I just kinda stood there and listened.”
“You know I could have some fun with this…” the large Clydesdale mused.
“Careful brother, I still have those pictures from your wardrobe malfunction…”
“You what?! I told you to burn those!”
“I’m sorry, but that was too funny Mac. When your package came bustin out of your girdle, while we were rehearsing the classroom scene in “Filly Vanilli” and the whole set went dead quiet…”
Big Mac smiled at the memory “Good thing it was the night before we shot the scene so none of the little ones actually in the classroom! There'd be a lot of explaining to do. Then there was Hoity Toity. He took one look and screamed before he fainted,” chuckled the large stallion.
“Yeah, and he’s been after you ever since.” Applejack laughed
“Tell me about it! I was a might ticked off at the time - never did find out who put that “stud juice” in my cider - or who weakened the crotch seam in my girdle.”
“Brother, from what I saw there coulda been a steel plate riveted down there and you still would punched through it like tissue paper!” Applejack burst out with a hearty laugh.
“Well with Fluttershy bending over and flashing me through that classroom window. - and wearing them new sheer girdles you girls just got - they may do a better job of hiding our, you know, parts from the camera’s, but live...well... I can't say they cover much at all.” Big Mac looked off across the soundstage at the door to Fluttershy’s dressing room. He smiled as though in a dream “Something about the way the stage lighting was hitting her, I could see…” he sighed “It’s just a good thing it was only the adults and none of the colts or fillies were there. You don't reckon Flutters was in on it do you?”
Applejack didn’t notice his question. She was adjusting something around her waist. “Speakin ‘a girdles, I gotta get this one off, it’s itching me something fierce! At least the dang thing breathes better than the last one.” she said sitting down and fumbling with something in the center of her chest. Finally she found the zipper that was concealed in the girdles fabric. She used her magnet and unzipped it down to her stomach and stopped.
“Do me a favor Mac and block for me?”
“Huh? Oh, right.”
“Thanks, I’d just as soon not be showing the cast and crew my private business!”
“Yeah, I reckon one big reveal per family is enough.”
Applejack laughed, “I reckon your right.”
Big Mac stood in front of his sister with his back to her. She looked around and quickly ran the magnet the rest of the way down her front and all the way around to the inside base of her tail, then wriggled out of it.
“Okay, I’m good. Thanks Mac. You know I like these new ones. They breathe but they hide our business from the camera’s and they blend perfectly with our coats.” She held her’s up and sniffed it.
“AJ! Do you really have to do that?!”
“Sorry, just trying to see if I can get another wear out of it before I throw it in the laundry. Not with this one though, whew!” She looked at her brother who was blushing and rolling his eyes. “You know Mac, you are such a prude” Applejack said, fanning her crotch with her hoof. “even with the sheer mesh, it still leaves my girl parts kinda sweaty. I know why Dash came up with the name hotbox.”
“Oh well that’s just lovely Sis, just lovely.” He smiled. “You realize AJ, that the season’s over, don’t you? We get some time off now.”
Applejack stopped fanning. She looked off into the distance and didn’t say anything for awhile. Then she sighed.
“AJ? You okay?”
“I’m sorry Mac, all of a sudden I’m feeling…: I don’t know what I’m feeling.”
Several minutes passes before she spoke again.
“Maybe I’ll have ‘em write me off the show.” She looked down at the ground. “I’m just a background pony anyway…” She looked up with tears in her eyes.
“Oh AJ, don’t start that again.” Mac said, rubbing her coat with a towel he’d had over his shoulders. “A bunch of stupid fans who don’t understand the first thing about the show, dramatic structure or how writing comedy and drama actually work. Anypony who thinks that doesn’t have a clue as to what the show is about, we all know that. You may not have the most fans out there but the ones you got are fierce, loyal and absolutely love you. C’mon AJ, don’t be like that. You keep them all grounded, you remind all of us what it is to be normal. You are kind of important you know, after all you’re the element of honesty. Without you we’d still be living under Nightmare Moon’s rule, or did you forget that part?”
AJ’s voice was strained as she fought to keep her emotions in check. “I know Mac, but when they take our stories and turn them into the show, somehow I come off looking like the boring one. I’ll tell you, it don’t exactly feel boring when it’s happening for real. Maybe on the show they should just pretend it’s all done with just five ponies. I’ll still be part of the team when the real stuff’s happening, but they could just write around me for the show. Or maybe get another actress with more, you know, pizzazz.” AJ sniffed and wiped her eye with the back of her hoof.
“Oh that will work fine - great dramatic balance. You take one acute bipolar, add a vain, self-involved fashionista, then mix in an adorable agoraphobic with serious self-esteem issues, combine with an A-type over-the-top extroverted jock who’s ego is as fragile as an eggshell and top it all off with the queen of the obsessive compulsive s and there you have it. “My Little Whack Jobs:Friendship is Madness” What a great show! For about 2 episodes.”
Though her tears Applejack suddenly started laughing. Big Mac took her into his arms. Applejack whispered into his ear: “I love you so much big brother, you're my hero and always will be.”
Big Mac coudn't speak for several moments, he was a monument to the saying "still waters run deep." In his case it was very deep indeed. She knew it and just hugged him tighter. Finally she heard him whisper in her hear, “I love you too sis." A few moments later he pulled back and touched his forehead to hers. "You leave the show and I’ll tan your hide.”
AJ, her eyes wet with tears smiled at him and gave a little sniff. “What do you think of Twibitch Spunkle?” she asked.
Mac laughed. “Oh that’s way better than Rainbitch. I can’t wait to share that one with Twi - she’ll love it.”
“Yeah, maybe.” AJ said with a grin. “So you goin to the wrap party? Rarity says they’re having an open bar.”
“Is that a fact? They ordered a couple of kegs of cider from us. One is the hard stuff. If they have that stout they had at the Hearthswarming Eve party then I’ll be there. Oh great! - Hoity Toity!!”
The well-dressed famous fashion critic sauntered over to the two Apples.
“Well I suppose that does it for another season, eh kids?” he asked the two.
“eYup” the siblings replied in unison.
“You goin to the wrap party Hoity?” asked Applejack.
“Oh those things are perfectly dreadful. Don’t tell me you two are going!”
“Well I sorta promised Rarity I’d go. But Big Mac was sayin how he didn’t care much for them.” Applejack said slyly and looked at her brother, “so I reckon he’ll just be hangin around the farm.”. Mac glared back at her. Hoity didn’t seem to notice.
“REALLY?!! Funny you should say that. You know I found the cutest little bistro that just opened just south of Horeston Street in SoHo, I was there the other night with a friend - you know Steve Magnet, right? Anyway it struck me as just the sort of place you’d like Big Macintosh. They serve the most divine Coq…” he let the word draw out a moment, glancing playfully at Mac “...uquille St Jacques. It’s simply scrumptious. Their scallops were sooo tender, but still nice and firm...I had it with an excellent Chardonnay. It was, well it was magnifique!”. Hoity kissed the tip of his hoof as he said.it. He turned and elbowed Mac in the side, hard. “Whadda say Mac why don’t you and I have a boys night out? My treat…” he offered, raising a seductive eyebrow.
Mac glared at his sister, then suddenly brightened and turned to the fashionista. “I’d love to HT!”
Hoity's face lit up and he clapped his hooves together rapidly in excitement. “The only thing is I told Granny Smith I’d stay with her at the wrap party. Why not next week?”
Applejack gaped at her brother in frozen shock.
Mac continued, “But only if Applejack and Pinkie Pie join us…”
Hoity immediately stopped clapping, His face went into a deadpan sulk. “Well, I suppose…” he groaned and rolled his eyes.
Applejack’s gape suddenly became a glare. She stared daggers at her big brother but he just smiled back. Hoity suddenly brightened. “Oh that’s right!! You and Miss Pinkie are an item. At least that’s the way she tells it.” he said rolling his eyes. “And quite the item at that! So, it’ll be a double date then! Oh goodie! Won’t that be fun!” The look on his face suggested he’d be having most of the fun. “You know?” the fashion critic said, tapping his chin with a hoof, “..I think I will go to that wrap party after all. You and I can, you know, just hang…” he giggled. “Toodle-loo you two.” And with that he turned and started to trot away. Then he stopped, and turned around “Oh, and tootle-loo to you Applejack…” then he winked at Big Mac and in a flash, once again, was gone.
“Wait - who were the first two he said ‘toodle-loo’ to?” Big Mac asked, clearly confused. Applejack was laughing too hard to answer. Suddenly a look of horror crossed the big Clydesdale’s face. “Oh sweet mother of Celestia! He was talking about me and my…”
Applejack, who’d utterly lost it was sitting on the floor holding her stomach and laughing so hard she could barely catch her breath, but she could point at her brother and nod....