//------------------------------// // Chapter 1: Wake Up Dead // Story: Rainbow Dash 'n' Ghosts 'n' Stuff // by Jenohart //------------------------------// Rainbow Dash opened her eyes to a blinding view of white, causing her to shut them again almost immediately. She blinked a few times until her eyes adjusted. Before her was an infinite expanse of whi- no wait, it was just the fluorescent lighting of the Ponyville hospital. She was lying on a stainless white hospital bed. The room held six beds, three along each side, a standing curtain separating each. To her left the window curtains were drawn shut, though she could see the faint outline of daylight around the edges of the cloth. To her right was the door to the rest of the hospital. Ponyville seldom saw anypony seriously injured, and so the corridors of the hospital were silent in inactivity. The room itself was quiet, punctuated by the steady beep that told Rainbow Dash that she was still alive. She attempted to sit up in her bed and was surprised to be met with no resistance, from either her injured body or any medical equipment attached to her. She gave herself a quick once-over, relieved to find nothing wrong with her. There wasn’t so much as a single bandage or bruise on her. Well, looks like I’m okay. I don’t even know why they even bothered to check me in here. NOTHING can hurt the indestructible- She stopped mid-thought. Wait, why am I here again? Her mind raced back, before the heavy-duty baking with Pinkie Pie in the space between dreams, before the memory that had been twisted by the unnatural presence. She remembered soaring through a black void, aided only by her gut feelings to stop herself from crashing. She remembered the trial she put herself through not just for Twilight’s experiment, but also for her own benefit. She remembered the librarian’s voice overhead trying to warn her of something. She remembered the smell of burning paper and baked goods. She remembered tasting steel for a split-second. So I crashed, she thought, probably a food cart or something. I shouldn’t be surprised I’m fine, I’ve crashed into whole mountains with barely a fractured collarbone! Content in her own apparent invincibility she raised her hoofs to throw off her covers and get out of bed. She raised them again to throw off her stubborn covers. She raised her hooves a third time, much more frustrated now, to throw off the white covers that seemed to loosely cling to her body. In her frustration she took off from the bed, flying in tight circles around the small room to try and throw off the clinging sheet of cloth. What the hay is this!? I can’t see under this sheet! Wait, I can see from under this sheet? She stopped, hovering above her hospital bed. It occurred to her that although she appeared to be draped under some sort of material, she had no problem seeing through it, or seeing herself. As she looked down to her bed she noticed three things. One; the stainless white of the bed sheets was actually due to the strange cloth that covered her while she was lying down. Looking at it now she could see the sheets actually still held a few unsightly stains from when the hospital wards were full from food-poisoned patients from Applejack’s “baked bads”. She had to admit, the hospital staff did a decent job cleaning that mess up, especially considering Pinkie Pie’s initial jet-stream of vomit that propelled her around the hospital ward like a violently-shaken soda bottle. Two; she was still lying in bed, unconscious. Her head was wrapped in bandages and several cables were connected to her leading to the electrocardiogram that continued its reassuring beeping. Her bed covers weren’t ruffled in the slightest from her struggle to get up, which reminded her she was somehow staring at herself while hovering above her bed. Three; at the foot of her bed a grey deliverymare was soundlessly sleeping, her hooves clutching a “Get well soon” card with a muffin on it. Rainbow Dash, ever the observant quick-thinker, turned her attention to the most pressing of these observations. Bed number 53? Ewww, that was Pinkie’s first bed! She totally hurled chunks all over it and I’m sleeping on it! Wait… Her keen mind began to piece together the evidence before her. THIS IS THE SAME ROOM THEY KEPT ALL THE MUFFIN-POISONED PONIES! EWWW! This whole place is covered in pony vomit! That’s disgusting! She loudly retched as her own imagination conjured scenes of a gastro-intestinal armageddon that she was forced to bear witness to on that day, having been checked into the hospital after being launched into the balcony railing of Twilight’s library and falling unconscious. She began to think passing out due to injury was just becoming another one of her bad habits. A soft murmuring brought her attention to the second most pressing issue. Derpy came to see me? I didn’t know she cared, we don’t even hang out that much. She lowered herself back onto the bed, lying in front of the sleeping grey pegasus. She couldn’t help but smile, Derpy looked the perfect picture of bliss while sleeping. She supposed she wouldn’t mind waking up to such a peaceful sight in the morning. If she liked mares that way. Which she didn’t. She went through… great lengths to prove that point to her friends when the topic was brought up for discussion at one of Pinkie’s parties. Still, she found herself subconsciously playing with the sleeping mare’s mane. Suddenly the deliverymare stirred, snapping her attention away from her thoughts and causing her to quickly shuffle into a “cool” pose. She had appearances to keep up, after all. “Mmm…h-huh? Dash?” Derpy opened her eyes to see the rainbow-maned pegasus lying on her side trying to look as nonchalant as possible. She quickly sat up, eyes wide in attention as the purpose for her trip returned to her mind. “Dash! You’re awake! You’re okay!” She lunged forward to grab Rainbow in a hug, which the receiving pegasus returned with one hoof in a casual manner. “Of course! Nothing can keep me down for long!” Rainbow Dash less replied and more announced to no-one in particular. She turned towards the other pegasus for a more personal response. “Sorry to make you worry. I’m feeling fine right now.” “Oh it’s okay, I was just feeling guilty about- oh! The card!” Derpy suddenly remembered the card in her hooves and quickly thrust it towards its recipient. Dash took the card and examined it more closely. The cover depicted a freshly-baked still-steaming muffin sitting on a baking tray, decorated with streamers and confetti. “Get well soon” was written in green icing on top of the baked treat. She didn’t have to look at the back to know it was a Sugarcube Corner greeting card. Inside the card the same muffin had a bite taken out of it, a generic message sprawled next to it. Below was Derpy’s messy hoofwriting. dear rianbow dosh sory for crashing the delvery van in front of you I always say muffins make evrything better so you should eat lots of muffins to get better seafoam says bluebery muffins are bestest for headaches but I say banana ones are better colgate is weird she likes minty muffins they taste weird shes weird we should go out for muffins somtime hope you recover quickly and arnt crippled lots of love derpy Rainbow Dash chuckled at the sincere and cute message. She noticed a slip of paper in the card as well, a coupon for one bag of muffins valid at Sugarcube Corner courtesy of the “Muffin Club Crusaders”. “Aw, thanks Derps. I’ll take you up on your offer sometime.” She smiled at the grey mare. She hadn’t really considered Derpy as one of her friends, but they had known each other for a long time. Maybe this was the starting point for a new friendship… Derpy smiled back, crossing her eyes in her usual cute manner. Rainbow Dash would have to get use to that if she was going to hang out with her. Through her walled-eyes Derpy could see her new friend smiling warmly at her, and her new friend lying battered and unconscious in the hospital bed. “Huh!?” she quickly refocused her eyes and stared at Dash lying in front of her and still smiling at her. She looked to her left and for the first time noticed another Rainbow Dash, this one still in bed. Her eyes darted between the two pegasi as she noticed that one of them was wrapped in bandages and not moving, while the other had some sort of transparent shroud surrounding her. Her normally unfocused mind quickly put together the most obvious conclusion, and a look of horror dawned on her face at the realization. “Oh my Goddesses! I killed Rainbow Dash and now she’s come back as a ghost to haunt meeee!” She stumbled backwards off the bed and continued till she reached the farthest corner from the double Rainbows. The still conscious Rainbow Dash looked over to her unconscious counterpart, as if only giving it serious thought now. The electrocardiogram (or “beeping thingy” as she knew it by) still continued to assure her that she was alive, and it seemed her new ghostly form had no problem being noticed by others or touching things. As far as she was concerned, she wasn’t in any immediate danger. Then again, as far as she was concerned she wasn’t in any immediate danger zipping through the streets of Ponyville blindfolded. The sound of terrified sobbing halted Dash’s thoughts and brought her attention back to the deliverymare, trembling in a frightened wreck in the corner. “T-this can’t happen! I’m too young to be haunted! What if I angered the ghost of Rainbow Dash? What if she haunts the whole Muffin Club? Wasn’t there another club we could call to deal with ghosts? Will she haunt my muffins? How will I eat muffins when they’re haunted? Will she possess my body when I eat her!? I don’t want to taste the rainbooowww!” Derpy’s ranting escalated into hysterics, before she settled for just crying into her hooves. Despite her own confusion at her current situation, Rainbow Dash knew she had to calm the frightened pegasus down before she could really do anything. “Derps calm down, I’m not mad at you and I’m not gonna haunt you” she said, cautiously approaching her friend. Derpy looked up towards the poltergeist that had addressed her. She opened her mouth and tried to say something in between her sobbing. Dash smiled, hoping this meant she was calming down. “G-g-g-g-giggle… a-at.. th-th-th-the ghost-t-ties…?” Well, crap. This isn’t going to be easy… --- One hour, two tissue boxes and a bag of muffins from the hospital canteen later, Derpy had finally come to accept that Rainbow Dash’s ghost was not a vengeful spirit and was not out to haunt her. The experience had been productive for the ethereal pegasus, as she found out she did indeed have many properties of a ghost when she wanted to. She discovered during her trip to the canteen that she could phase through walls when she wanted to, but unfortunately could not phase objects with her, much to the confusion of several orderlies at a floating bag of muffins gliding their way down the halls of the hospital. She also found she could alter her visibility, solidifying her shroud into a true ghostly visage or dissipating into an almost invisible cloud if need be. All this she found out through some trial and error, thinking up a whole new level of pranking; ghost pranking. The reactions of some staff and unfortunate patients gave her many new ideas for pranks. In fact, the only pony who didn’t seem fazed at all by her supernatural shenanigans was the lunch lady who pointed out that she took no liability as to what the hospital decides to serve their staff and patients. Now the two mares were back in the room where the ghostly pegasus’ physical body lay. Derpy sat in front of a small desk eating her muffins while Rainbow Dash flew around the room, still getting use to phasing into things. “I still feel bad…” Derpy began, sniffling as she finished the last muffin in the bag. “I mean, it is kinda my fault that you’re dead…” “How many times do I gotta say it, I’m not dead!” Dash yelled, more in fear of the mere thought of being permanently dead than annoyance at having to repeat herself. “Beepy is still singing so that means I’m alive!” She pointed towards the electrocardiogram, still amplifying the electrical changes on her skin caused by the heart muscle depolarization during each of her normally paced heartbeats. A passing janitor who overheard their conversation was surprisingly knowledgeable on the machine, although neither could really understand what he said and so at one point in their discussion the machine was referred to as “Beepy” and has been christened that ever since. “But, you gave up your ghost, doesn’t that mean you’re dead?” Derpy asked. She raised a hoof to her chin and scrambled her eyes in thought. “Not necessarily,” Dash replied, “didya see that one sappy movie about the mare who got into a carriage crash and ended up in a coma on the way to a blind date, and so then the colt moves into her apartment and her ghost ends up haunting him but in a good way and she has amnesia so they figure out who she is and they fall in love and then she wakes up and she doesn’t remember him but they’re still in love and then they kiss ‘n’ stuff?” she recounted the romantic comedy they saw the last time she and her friends had a group-sleepover, much to her and Applejack’s chagrin. Derpy blushed suddenly. “Does that mean in order for you to wake up we gotta fall in love and then… kiss… ‘n’ stuff…?” She shifted in her seat timidly. “I-I’m not sure if I’m ready for that kind of commitment yet Dash, what will I tell Dinky?” “W-what!?” Dash suddenly became flustered, breaking her concentration where she was hovering and sending her crashing onto the floor. “No, no! I’m just saying I could be having an ‘out of body experience’ or something, and I’ll just wake up later.” “I don’t know Dash…” Derpy said from under the paper muffin bag where she was busy licking the crumbs. “You’re not like any ghosts I’ve heard of. Everyone can see ‘n’ hear you, and you can touch things too.” To prove her point, she extracted her head from the paper bag, rolled it up and tossed it towards the ghost mare. Despite her newfound ability to become intangible, Rainbow Dash instinctively caught the bag. “See! You can touch stuff. You’re not like a normal ghost…” Derpy suddenly tensed up. “Maybe you’re a… z-z-z-z-zombie!” “No way!” Dash threw the trash up and bucked it into a nearby bin before phasing through the table where Derpy was eating. “Zombies can’t phase through stuff like this.” “Maybe you’re a… s-s-s-super z-z-z-zombie!” Derpy suddenly became fearful again. Aw damn it, and I just calmed her down too! “Don’t be ridiculous! I don’t want to eat anypony, and that wouldn’t explain why my body is still here- ALIVE no less.” “Well, what do you think?” “Hmm…” Rainbow Dash tried to think just why she was in her current state. She always knew she wasn’t like any other pony. She was at least 20% cooler than the next pegasus. Had her sheer awesomeness made her ghost so awesome that it could function just like her body? No, as cool as that would be. But there was something else about her, something definitely magical. “Well, I am an Element of Harmony, that probably has something to do with it.” She nodded at herself, convincing herself that that was the answer. “Yeah, it has to be that.” “Well… okay then. But what are you going to do now?” Rainbow thought about this. It was a question that had bubbled in her head ever since she managed to stop Derpy from covering her ears and tearfully singing Pinkie Pie’s “Giggle at the Ghosties” song, (for use “when confronted by ghosts or ghostly beings” as the pink pony put it on the liner notes on her latest album “Filly-age Dream”). She should go see what happened to Twilight, the librarian was probably feeling pretty guilty about what happened. Of course, appearing in front of her as a ghost probably wouldn’t help at all, given Derpy’s reaction. In fact, she was starting to feel quite unsure of herself. She had no idea what was going on, and she’d bet even Twilight wouldn’t know what to do. It was a terrible feeling of uncertainty that slowly seemed to crush her spirits. She was in a seemingly impossible situation and although she didn’t want to admit it, she was scared. What if her time as a ghost was just a prelude to her death? What if there was something she needed to do while she was in this state? What would life throw at her next? It may seem scary but it’s really fun, just take my hoof and let it come! Pinkie’s words from a vision she shouldn’t remember surfaced in her mind, and the voice was right. As crazy as the situation was, she had to take what was given to her and do something about it. Derpy was there with Twilight and her other friends before Dash gave up her ghost. The doctor had said something to the effect that she suffered no permanent injuries and would fully recover in a few days. If she was right and her current state was somehow due to her being an Element of Harmony, then there probably wouldn’t be anything to worry about. It didn’t seem like there was anything she could really do about it. She’d make a point to tell Twilight, but only once she’d found a way to break it to her without having the unicorn freak out. Still… her new ghost abilities presented her with many unique opportunities. She already had a few laughs trying out her new ghost powers on the ponies in the hospital. A prankster at heart, there was no way she’d let this pranking opportunity pass her by. This was likely going to be her only chance at being a ghost, and she was going to play it right. “Well, I don’t think there’s much point in me staying here” she shrugged. “I guess I should get out of this place.” She made her way to the window and prepared to phase out. “Wait!” Derpy called out before the ghost mare could leave. “Didya have anything on you? I think the doctor put some stuff in the drawers over there.” She motioned a hoof towards the drawer next to the bed where the unconscious mare lay. Rainbow didn’t recall having anything on her during the blind flight, but Twilight did strap a bunch of stuff to her. It wouldn’t hurt to check. Maybe her friends left something for her? She quickly flew over to the furniture in question and quickly pulled out each drawer. The first contained her blindfold and some odd things that looked like it came from the equipment Twilight had strapped onto her. The second had some documents she neither understood nor cared about. The third drawer however, contained a few vials of drugs. They were clearly commonly used ones that had been left in the drawers out of convenience. While most held no interest in Rainbow’s magenta eyes, there was one label that did catch her attention. Ketamine, 1000mg. Now, most ponies in Ponyville know Rainbow Dash as the laid back yet loyal and hardworking weather pegasus that would never leave her friends hanging. What they don't know is that she's… dipped her hooves into the black end of the rainbow during her days in Cloudsdale, so to speak. After all, there was a reason that Gilda, ferocious and brutal even for a griffon, held a great amount of respect for the young sky-blue pegasus (and not just because of that one night at flight camp). No, of the dubious activities she and her beast friend partook in, familiarizing themselves with the drug trade of Equestria was one of them. A successful venture that left the pegasus with enough bits to construct her own sky-mansion above Ponyville with a real flowing rainbowfall. This meant she knew of the uses of one of Equestria's more common drugs known as "Pony Tranqs" on the street. Medically, it was still used as an anaesthetic, generally in conjunction with either other drugs or unicorn magic. Recreationally it was a dissociative that produces short hallucinatory effects similar to another common drug known as "PrinCess Pure" or "Alicorn Dust". Dash had long left that part of her life behind, but she liked to think that a few hits here and there helped ease the stress of the various duties to her job, friends and dreams she was honor-bound to. She had a small stash of the less illicit drugs in her cloud home, ones she could excuse as being old prescriptions or not belonging to her without raising too much doubt, or at least suffer the lesser penalty if worse came to worse. The vial in front of her had a thin layer of dust, probably recently forgotten. Ponyville's hospital was pretty lax about drug security with crime rates so low and drug addictions near-unheard of. This one vial would not be missed. But if she took it, would that not be stealing? Something she was quite against. A quick look back at her own medical records, however, showed that she had been treated with Ketamine on arrival, so technically it was kinda like a doctor's prescription! That was all the self-convincing she needed to take it. Who knows, it may even help her get out of her ghost state if she took enough. Hell, for all she knew that was the doctor's plan all along! But this presented a problem. She couldn't yet phase objects along with her. The windows in the room were oddly shut and locked, and she couldn't just float it down the halls, there's no way the staff (lax as they were) would allow that. She had to smuggle it out, just like the early days in the trade when she was the drug mule. But could she properly be a carrier in her ghostly state? As her eyes glanced around the room for some sort of ideas, they found themselves resting on the cross-eyed mare still in the room with her. "Dash? You okay? Do you need something?" A slight grin crept onto the edges of Rainbow Dash's mouth. This time, she would be the one to pack her own mule. "Hey Derps, you wanna truly make it up to me for makin' me push ghost-daisies?" "Ghost daisies? What does that have with you being dea- oh! Absolutely Rainbow Dash, I'll do anything!" "Great" Dash said, trotting up to Derpy with a sinister smile on her face. "In that case… turn around and bend over..."