Can We Shoot Them?

by The Devious Writer


In Which I Realize Something Funny has to Happen in a Comedy

The fillies shuddered as the rainbow formed a cyclone around them, twisting and turning. It was closing in.

“Maybe this was a bad idea!” Sweetie Belle screamed, looking up. There was seemingly no end, they were now surrounded in rainbows.

“I’ve a feeling we’re not in Equestria anymore…” Apple Bloom stuttered, holding on to her bow, which blew in an invisible wind. Suddenly, the world flashed white. They shut their eyes from the light, only to find complete darkness

“We must be over the rainbow…” Scootaloo muttered, trying to feel for something solid. They struggled around, before a bright light glowed in the distance.

“Do you three understand why you are here today?” The voice was enchanting, like a melody sung by Harmony itself. Yet it almost seemed to be trying to instill fear among them. Wasn’t really working that well.

“Uh… We didn’t do anything wrong, we swear!” Sweetie Belle shouted out, causing a ripple through the light.

“Please don’t shout. I was having a wonderful nap when Twilight and friends awakened me. Harmony gets headaches too, you ponies should know. You’ve met Discord. Practically a tumor, he is… But, I digress. I must ask you again, do you understand the reason you’ve been sent here by the bearers of Harmony today?” The fillies didn’t respond, and the voice sighed. “Cause I sure as Hel don’t.”

“Who’s Hel?” The light seemed to consider this question.

“Er, not who, but where. Do you ponies have Hades? The Dark Realm? Tartarus? It’s so hard to keep track of these names. Ponies should really learn to stay consistent. It’s much easier on Yggdrasil.”

“It’s Tartarus. Who’s Yggdrasil?”

“If it’s Tartarus, then I mean by the Tree of Harmony. Now, fillies, are you sure you don’t know why you’re here?” The fillies looked to each other, trying to recall.

“Er, haven’t we always been here?”

“Where is here, anyway?”

“How bout’ them apples?”

“Oh, this would be my fault. Please excuse my rudeness.” The scenery abruptly changed, and the fillies stood in front of the Tree of Harmony. The fillies blinked, shaking their heads.

“Twilight wanted to know what would happen if she blasted regular ponies with Harmony.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“She said she was curious since she fought Discord.”

“That’s irresponsible.”

“She said she knew how to reverse it!”

I AM NOT A TOY!” The Tree glowed, and the fillies suddenly returned to the darkness.

“What were we just doing?”

“Who are you?”

“I really like your mane!”

“What’s a mane?”

“P- ponies? Please, help me! Get me out of here!” The voice came from right in front of them. Apple Bloom reached out with a hoof, colliding with something solid. They squinted, making out a silhouette of a pony.

“I was wrong! I’ll never hurt anypony again! Just please! Please let me out!” The figure’s horn lit up, a pathetic source of light in the darkness she camouflaged in so well.

“Hey Scoots, that’s Nightmare Moon, right?” Suddenly, a rainbow shot forth from an unseen horizon, grabbing the three fillies.

“What’s going on?!”

“The ponies want you three back.” Nightmare Moon gasped, and jumped up to grab Apple Bloom’s hoof.

“Take me with you! You can’t leave me here! I’ve changed! I’ll never hurt Equestria again!” The Rainbow seemed angry at this, and twisted, severing Nightmare’s hoof. She screamed in agony, falling off the rainbow. Scootaloo batted away the severed hoof, watching as Nightmare fell, seemingly without end, and screaming in agony.

“Darnit, Scoots, I wanted to see if her hoof woulda came with us!”


Rising once again, the Power shot out, and the Crusaders reappeared on the table. Twilight sighed in relief.

“Harmony’s scary…” Sweetie Belle gasped out, shuddering. The Crusaders jumped to their sisters, crying into their chests.

“You know, I do believe there are quite a bit of ponies who could use some more harmony in their lives.”

“I’ll make a list.”

“Can we go to Tartarus and just keep shooting Tirek?”

“Sure, Pinkie.”

"I really wanted that hoof..."