//------------------------------// // Chapter 1: The Beginning // Story: The Other Journal // by Ganondorf8 //------------------------------// The Other Journal By Ganondorf8 October 19, 2015 Chapter 1: The Beginning. " I didn't think you were going to come." Those were the first words that I spoke upon seeing Twilight approach me, and it was just the beginning of what was going to happen. Even though this was something I felt was needed, this could become better or worse depending on the reaction of my friend. " Why would you think that?" Twilight asked as she placed her bag onto the floor before removing her jacket. " I am surprised that you wanted to meet with me here in the library of the school instead of where you actually live." " This is where I currently live," I said while avoiding making eye contact with her. Was it out of fear? Embarrassment? Or something more? So many emotions were running through my mind, yet none of them were making this any less awkward. " While it may seem strange, know that this is how the other you... the other Twilight spent the night... here, among these books." " I understand." Twilight sounded so accepting of the situation, but then she has been acting that way ever since the Friendship Games concluded. That was an experience none of us will ever forget for a long time, but deep down in her heart... she knows what happened... the pain she felt remains strong, but she will overcome it in due time. If only I could say the same about my own pain. " Sunset..." Twilight began speaking upon noticing that I still wasn't looking at her. " Why did you only want to meet with me, and not the rest of our friends? Surely, they would have been able to help, right?" " Not this time." My response sounded dull, as though I were accepting a heavy burden on my shoulders. " I know that I am still new to all of you even if I do resemble... her... yet why not ask them?" Twilight moved closer to me as a means of wanting to get my attention, yet I turned away out of fear... fear that our friendship... all of my friendships would end. Why? That is the reason I have asked Twilight to meet with me, for there is something that she must know about me. While I have been honest with my friends, there are things which I have kept from them... things I've never once discussed with anyone. It never dawned on me that I would be having this feeling of fear, and yet I am experiencing it now. " Sunset... what is wrong?" Twilight's voice slightly changed to one of concern, of worry, and I didn't want her to feel that way on my account. " I... I asked you... you here..." My nerves were starting to take over, for I was struggling with saying even simple words, for the fear within my heart continued to grow as though it wanted to consume me from the inside out. What if she isn't able to accept my past? What if she reveals this to my friends? What would become of me then? Was I making the right decision in telling someone who looked like Princess Twilight, yet I have known her for only a short time? " I asked you here because I want to show you something." " That wasn't so bad was it? Now, why don't you try looking at me, and we can go on from there." Twilight said with more confidence in her voice--probably a reaction to when I was able to speak in a coherent manner. I turned to face her, yet I struggled to maintain my gaze, for I didn't want to experience the pain of losing a friend. I have seen what that is like with my own eyes... even though the harsh reality was that I was the one who caused such pain. " If this has to do with you living here during the night, I am not offended for I think it's the perfect place to spend the night what with all of these books. You have a proverbial mountain of knowledge all around you, and you can read to your heart's content without anything to disrupt you." " Maybe, but I needed someone to talk to, and it had to be you because you and I... we're a lot alike." I could see the look in her eyes were those of a confused child who had no idea as to what I was talking about, yet I sighed a heavy sigh before reaching into my schoolbag, and pulling out a journal which had seen better days. It was tattered in several places, covered in cobwebs, and even had a musty smell... it's because I haven't looked at this for a long time. Just thinking about what I wrote down in this journal made tears trickle down my face, and I refused to wipe them away, for I felt vulnerable, weak, afraid of revisiting my past. " Here." Twilight said as she reached into her bag, and pulled out a red piece of cloth which had her Cutie Mark on one corner before reaching over in order to wipe away the tears, " I'm here for you Sunset, but I can't do anything for you until you let me in. You were the one who opened yourself to me with friendship when I felt alone, so now I feel it is time for me to return that favour, and perhaps even more than that." Twilight's words brought a smile to my eyes as I allowed her to wipe the tears from my face. Should I let her in though knowing full well what might happen? There is much about me which she doesn't know, and I'm afraid I'll lose her along with my other friends if they knew what was written down on the pages of this--my other journal. " Twilight... do you remember what I said to you about how the others would forgive you based on my own experiences?" I asked. My heart was beating rapidly, and I was having trouble breathing because fear was trying its best to choke me. I began feeling claustrophobic as though everything was closing in around me, and my mind was getting hazy which made me want to tear myself to shreds. " I remember, but the only thing you mentioned was putting on a crown, and becoming consumed with magic... just like I was." Twilight answered, and in my heart, I was forcing her to relive that experience once again even though it had only been a few weeks since. While her intentions were noble, she was merely curious, and that curiosity combined with the pressure of winning the Friendship Games caused her transformation when the magic from my friends and I consumed her. And yet, she had been pressured into going down that path which is where she and I are different, for I willingly chose the path of darkness--power, it blinded me to the truth. " When I first came here from my world... you know, the world where magic is abundant... where I was a pony." I began. " I'm still trying to come to terms with what you really are Sunset, but pay me no mind, for this is something more important." Twilight said. At least I can take in the solace of the fact that she hasn't considered me some kind of monster given my true self, but that word--monster... it's a word which is tied very closely to my past. " When I came here, I wasn't the person that you know now." I said while trying to hold back my tears, and holding onto my chest due to a sudden urge of pain. " I was something else entirely, and I'm not proud of who I used to be." That's when my hand slipped from my chest, and fell onto the dusty journal with a loud thud; a thud which echoed throughout the library--a reminder of the silence which surrounded us. " I... I... wrote down my experiences into this journal when I was going through a difficult time in my life, and no one has ever known that I had this, or wrote anything down in it... until now because I am telling you about it." " Experiences?" Twilight asked, yet I didn't know if she were teasing me in the hopes of making me feel better, or was she confused by my words? " What I wrote down was what happened to me from what I remember from my days in my world, to the years I spent living here, but I didn't just write that stuff down... no... I also wrote down secrets. Even after my heart opened up to friendship, and I slowly began redeeming myself, I continued to write down these secrets... as though my heart was telling me to because of some kind ofinner rage. No, not rage, but rather a sense of wanting to express my truest feelings." I answered. Twilight was taken aback by what I had just said, and who could blame her for feeling uncomfortable. In truth, I would have done the exact same thing, for I am also uncomfortable with all of this, yet I needed someone to know these secrets. Why? Why would I share such private moments with another? It was my own conscious which was guiding me--troubling as it was sometimes. I could no longer keep this bottled up inside, like pent-up-rage. I had to share this, and Twilight was the only one who could help as she was perhaps the closest of my friends... in more ways than one. " Are you sure?" Twilight asked. " If I weren't hesitant about it, you and I wouldn't be meeting here right now." I answered. " What did you write in this journal? And why me?" Twilight asked with a sense of fear in her voice as though she had found herself in a trap. " I wrote about I truly feel about everyone I know... both here and back home." I answered before I resumed crying. This wasn't easy for me to do because even though I probably should just forget about doing this, I have come this far, and so I must go the entire distance. I then turned to Twilight who wiped away my tears again, yet I wanted her not to because I deserved to cry, yet my hands refused to stop her. " After being accepted, I stopped writing in this journal, and I tried to regress those experiences so that I would never remember them, but when I saw what happened to you... when you changed into a monster, those memories reached the surface, and what I tried to forget has been consuming me from the inside out like a virus corroding me." I said before I slowly opened the book to the first page where the binding suddenly cracked a little, but I ignored this, and urged for Twilight to come closer. " I wanted to tell you Twilight, for we're different from our friends because of the darkness... because of giving into temptation even though you were forced, and I chose it." " I don't understand why you think our friends aren't allowed to know of this, but I respect your wishes on the matter." Twilight said. " If they knew, my relationship with them would be damaged beyond repair." I said. " It can't be that bad." Twilight said, but when she saw the expression in my eyes, the sharp gaze which made it difficult for her to look away from me, she quickly realized her error in judgment. " Is it because you and I have only each other for a short while? Even if I am her counterpart, you feel as though you can trust me more than them? I'm hoping that you know what you're doing Sunset, for this could cause the proverbial can of worms to burst at the seams." Twilight's words had never been truer to me, but this is something I want to do, and despite almost cracking under pressure because of fear, I decided to go through with it because I couldn't hold it in anymore. She then scooted over next to me which made me feel relaxed, but I knew this wasn't going to last very long... especially when we get into what I said about my friends... before and after they forgave me. " I guess with anything, the best place is to start at the beginning." I said. " When you first came here?" Twilight asked. " No, back when I was a young unicorn who was trying to find her place in life." I answered. Where had it all gone wrong? When I was a young filly, I had so much potential as a unicorn. My magic was top notch, I studied very hard in order to master my magical skills, and I was even chosen to become the personal student of Princess Celestia, yet what caused me to change my path? I mean, I know what happened, yet I am speaking metaphorically as though I were ignorant of it all. In my world... Equestria... I lived a relatively normal life, yet this was merely a façade which I used as a mask to hide my truest feelings. I... was never close with my family, for they were all powerful unicorns, and I wanted to be just like them. I tried my best to live up to the expectations of my parents, yet they ignored me in favour of my siblings. I... I suppose I despised them for that even though they did raise me, yet the emotional scars would become a part of me. I felt that in the eyes of my parents, I was a complete disappointment, but I wanted to prove them wrong. No matter how hard I tried to earn their approval, they doted over my siblings, and left me feeling cold and alone. I closed my heart to other people including them, and it was the beginning of a downward spiral. I felt like a shadow had wrapped itself around me, and desired to pull me into its embrace where being alone, not caring about others, wanting to be better than everyone, and to seek power was what I needed in life. Power... a word which became a twisted knife that would pierce my heart, and remain embedded within me for years. On the outside, we were a happy family, but on the inside my heart grew cold, bitter, full of resentment. If my family had been more supportive , my life would not have changed for the worse. There was one incident which I wrote down in this journal... it was the day where she entered into my life... the one pony who understood me. " Father... you wished to see me?" " Sunset Shimmer! Your mother and I have been thinking this over for quite some time, and we feel that perhaps we may have been neglecting you in favour of your siblings out of a desire to see our children become powerful unicorns." For the first time in my life, I had been given praise by my father, yet in my heart, I couldn't accept his words or affection. My heart had been closed to my family because of being ignored and unappreciated, and it also spawned a desire... a desire of wanting to prove that I could be the best. " I know that you probably don't think too highly of your mother and I, and for that you have every right to be angry with us, for we were wrong to have made you suffer. I am hoping that you will forgive us for our transgressions." My father's lip quivered which was a sign that he wasn't being completely honest with me, yet I pretended to accept his apology. While he was a powerful unicorn, he also suffered an injury several years prior which caused his left hind leg to become deformed thus giving him an unusual limp. " I accept." I said with a lack of enthusiasm in my delivery. " I know that words alone aren't enough, but perhaps this surprise will make you happy. You see, we have contacted someone who says that she can provide you with the proper training to allow you to become a powerful unicorn. When I mentioned your name to her, she said that she has been watching you for some time, and wishes to see if you are worthy to be taken under her wing." My father said before using his own magic to apply some kind of medical salve on his deformed leg, yet in my mind I just wanted to see him suffer tremendous pain all because he and my mother neglected me. " You wanted to hurt him?" Twilight asked as she covered her mouth with her hands in utter shock. " No, I couldn't bring myself to do that even if he did deserve it, but I wanted him to suffer in some way because of how I felt hurt." I answered. Already, I could feel my heart wrenching at the fact that Twilight was hearing about how I truly felt about my parents, and in particular my own father even though this all happened many years ago. My hand tried to turn the page over, yet I couldn't bring myself to doing it, for I was afraid of what was going to happen next especially with Twilight. We had just barely started, and already I felt our friendship was beginning to crumble into dust, and become scattered by the very wind itself. " Twilight... we should stop before things get any worse." " I'm okay Sunset." Twilight said. " Are you sure?" I asked. " Hearing what you wrote down about you felt about your father was shocking, but I can understand your frustration. I know you probably don't despise him now seeing as you've changed since then, yet you were young, and your innocence had been tainted." Twilight answered. While her words were warm, I wasn't able to feel that warmth with my own body because I haven't seen my family for years... not since that day... " You've gotten me a magic tutor?" I asked. " I wouldn't say it like that." My father looked up at the ceiling which had me think that he was hiding something, but I wasn't interested in what he was doing, but rather what he was saying because it was my chance to get away from my family, and perhaps start a new chapter in my life. " Princess Celestia has taken an interest in you my dear, and is coming here later in order to see if you are worthy to be admitted to her "School for Gifted Unicorns". It is quite the prestigious school, for some of the most powerful unicorns have graduated from there, and their influences across Equestria are well known." As my father sat down because his leg was becoming too painful for him to stand, my mind was experiencing all kinds of emotions. Why would Princess Celestia, the ruler of Equestria want to come here just to see me? Was this some kind of trick my parents concocted in the hopes of making me feel appreciated? I decided there and then that I would trust his judgment, yet it didn't change how I felt. " When will she come?" I asked. " Within the next hour or two, so I suggest that you prepare to impress her." In my heart, my parents thought that this would be the best thing for me, yet why not give me the proper attention themselves? Why have it fall onto someone else? Was I really that unimportant to them? My father told me that I needed to perform some spells, and insisted that I began practicing, so I walked off leaving him to deal with his own personal problems including guilt. I used my magic to select a book on the highest bookshelf in the living room which is where our family's library of magical tomes, historical journals, and the like were available, and I walked straight to my room without saying another word. I wanted to impress her highness, for I felt that she could free me from this troubled lifestyle. " So you wanted to be free?" Twilight asked. " Yes... I wanted to break free of being ignored and unloved, and perhaps become something much more. Because my parents never encouraged me, I ended up teaching myself to use magic efficiently which started with basic spells before I moved onto and mastered more complicated spells. I became so obsessed with wanting to be the best, I never found time for friends as I thought that would just get in the way, and I rarely interacted with my parents and siblings unless there was no other choice." I answered before coming to a stop due to a realization. As I stared off into the darkness of the library as though I were looking at something, but really wasn't, I realized that Twilight... the one here with me, and the one back in Equestria... both of them were just like me in that they had no time for friends. They were fixated on studying, yet they were appreciated and encouraged while I wasn't given that opportunity which is what makes me different. " What happened when this princess came?" Twilight asked. " It was the beginning of my new life, and the beginning of my own downfall..." I answered.