//------------------------------// // C0rRUp7IO% // Story: Unwanted Grey // by Compendium of Steve //------------------------------//         As Missingno. prepared to announce his ultimatum, a little horned white demon walked in from the darkness onto Derpy’s platform. Derpy turned her lopsided gaze onto the strange arrival, noting that it looked more like the crudely-drawn pictures her daughter made back in preschool. In fact, it appeared to be flat as paper, stiffly moving its tiny pointy legs and turning its body side-to-side in order to move forward. It came to halt a yard from the confused pegasus before giving a humble bow, literally folding itself forward then straightening back up.         “Greetings to you,” he said in a tiny, sophisticated voice. “Please forgive my interruption, but you have been summoned, Ms. Derpy Hooves.”         “Summoned? By who?” Derpy asked the imp. “What are you exactly?”         “A servant of my Master,” he simply replied. “But we cannot dally further. Your presence is required, at once!”         Suddenly, a mechanical buzzing filled the non-air as two freakish robotic insects swooped in and hovered around Derpy, harrying her before latching onto her legs with their spindly limbs and carrying her off.         “No wait what is AHHH Let Me Down HEEELP!!”         The buggers buzzed around wildly before zipping off with their captive, the demon following suit by folding itself into nothingness. Alone with darkness, his old friend, Missingno. just bobbed up and down, trying to assess what just happened. … THAT WAS VERY STRANGE         And that’s not the half of it, for at that very moment, a thunderous crackle filled the air as a DeLorean materialized in a burst of fire and electricity. It roared and screeched to a halt on the empty platform, leaving behind flaming skid marks that trailed from the endless abyss to its parking spot. The driver door rose up, and hopping out to an uplifting orchestral score there appeared a diminutive Jawa in a puffy orange jacket, looking incredibly frantic.         “Great Scot!” he exclaimed, before turning to the other anomaly in the room. “Marty, uh no I mean, Missingno! We’ve got to hurry if we’re to save Derpy Hooves!” WHO ARE YOU, AND WHAT DO YOU KNOW OF WHAT HAS TRANSPIRED? “There’s no time to explain it here! Just get into the magic science car already!” The sand midget grabbed hold of the floating sprite and unceremoniously stuffed him into the DeLorean before hopping back in and closing the door. A revving of the engine later and the vehicle sped off, switching to anti-gav boosters and soaring free of the datasphere and out into the starry skies of the human imagination! Inside the car, the little driver gripped the wheel like a maniac, keeping his shimmery yellow eyes on the sparkly nothingness before him. “Sorry about the rushed entrance, but I’m Squishy, by the way,” he introduced himself, all the while bouncing around from the shaking of the car and his own hyperactivity. “Time is critical and we have to rush things a bit.” WHAT IS GOING ON? “It’s Derpy: she’s been taken by the Contractor. Whacked-up piece of work he is. Has this thing for going around messing up relationships. A real pain, but I’m here to help you out. I’ve dealt with him plenty of times.” I AM NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER “Well we still need to get to her, regardless. No telling what messed up things he’s got planned. Might be turning her into an evil Um Jammer Lammy or something. I don’t know, I’ve never played the game. Have you? Didn’t think so.” Suddenly there’s a muffled boom, causing the DeLorean to shake violently. “What the heck!?” Squishy popped his head out the window, and far ahead of them there swarmed dozens of soldiers on space bikes, firing lasers at the speeding space car ship. Many of them wore Vinyl Scratch T-shirts and horse heads, while others wore red vests, red caps and lugging some serious balls… Pokéballs, that is. Squishy popped his head back into the car and smacked the steering wheel. “Cripes! He’s managed to get the Bronies and the PokéNerds working together, somehow. Well, I’ll just give ‘em a taste of my Cutesy Handcannon.” He whipped out a massive revolver. “Take the wheel!” The Jawa opened the door and scurried out, planting a foot on the door edge and leaning his upper body out into the line of fire. Taking hold of his weapon, he fired off a few custom .38 Gerbil rounds, which squealed their way toward the attackers before colliding in a devastating blast of daawwww. The short stack waved his piece triumphantly. “Yeah-HEH! This is how we do it in 2005, hahaha!!” His cheering was interrupted as the DeLorean jolted and swayed, nearly knocking him off balance. He caught hold of the car door in time and looked over sternly. “Keep it level, dang it! I gotta have a steady aim here!” I DO NOT HAVE HANDS “You gotta work with me here, Man-Glitch-Guy!” Just then, an Arwing flew up alongside the DeLorean and shot off some pew-pew-pews at the enemy, before the pilot within transmitted some sage advice to our heroes: “Do a Barrel Roll!” Which is exactly what Missingno. did, flinging himself out of the DeLorean and spinning violently forward, obliterating everything in his path in a spectacularly devastating fashion. His death velocity passed the wannabe blockaders in seconds and covered several hundred yards of darkness before crashing through a Mental Barrier. Amid shards of shattered psyche Missingno. righted himself up and came to an impressive and powerful landing, returning to his normal stoic, glitchy stance. With everything calmed down, he looked with his non-existent eyes forward. In the center of the vast emptiness of the enclosure there was a round platform of obsidian, atop which there was a grand, imposing and occupied throne. The occupant that made it so was a tall skinny fellow in an outfit of gauchest white, arms resting on the sides of the throne with a very smug attitude as he looked down on the glitch behind a pair of glasses and beneath a head mostly bereft of hair. Chained by the neck beside the throne was poor Derpy, reclining atop the steps of the platform in a sort of skimpy mailman’s uniform. Her askewed golden eyes were filled with surprise at Missingno.’s explosive arrival, but before she could say anything, her captor did the honor instead. “Ah, such a wonderful mess. So very typical of you,” the man mocked. “But let’s not skip the formalities. I welcome you, Missingno, to my Mind Palace.” He gave a grandiose sweep of an arm over the vast emptiness of his domicile. “I am known as the Contractor. Did you enjoy the welcoming committee? It was quite easy rallying them. All it took was some outlandish gesticulating and humor at my expense to win their loyalty, plus the ever reliable banner of waifuism. Heheh, what suckers." WHAT IS THE MEANING OF ALL THIS? "Why, I'm seeking the same thing as you," the Contractor said with a raised fist. "To rise up out of obscurity, with the help of the darling Ms. Hooves here." He swept a palm over Derpy's head as she looked up in confusion. "Huh??" HOW DO YOU MEAN? “It is very simple, my anomalous friend. For one to become popular, they must cling to the latest, most relevantly vapid trend. Having grown tired of doing random crossovers simply out of pure self-indulgence, I have decided to hop on the sell-out bandwagon by coupling myself with the pony fandom's most beloved mascot." Dramatic close-up. "Through marriage!" Dramatic sting up in this biznitch, yo. "M-M-Marriage?!" came the loopy mare's reaction. SHE IS ONLY A CONSTRUCT YOUR PLAN MAKES NO SENSE "Oh but of course it does! Think about it: The most overrated character hooked up with the most underrated writer. It's the perfect match!" The deranged schemer stood up dramatically. "Yet you aren't wrong in pointing out this plan's folly. As it stands, I cannot truly make Derpy mine, for part of her heart belongs to another. You, to be exact." Dun dun Mother-Fudgin' DUNN! Missingno. slightly wavered before he could respond. ...WHAT? "I-I'm sorry, it's just... I have this thing for mysterious, all-powerful entities from the great beyond," the meek mare explained, averting her gaze while idly tapping her hooves together. "And all those big, bold words... looked pretty suave to me. Don't take it the wrong way or anything… baka." ...I HONESTLY DO NOT KNOW HOW TO TAKE IT "And it is this attraction that is preventing me from claiming her in body and soul. Well, mostly in soul," the vile villain continued, taking a few steps down the platform. "Thus in order to achieve my goal, I hereby challenge you, Missingno., in a duel for Derpy Hooves' heart!" "Gasp!" Derpy gasped. YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS "Oh but I am. Now, let us settle this with the one thing that matters most in any relationship!" With nary ado, the Contractor shoved both his hands down his pants, scrunching his face in concentration and gyrating a bit before whipping out his thick black... Microphone! (Oh thank God) "One’s capacity to sing romantics!" he exclaimed with delayed clarity. "And being the author, I obviously go first.” He struck an imposing pose. “Prepare for maximum woo-age!” With a cough and flexing of his arms, the Contractor began with the aid of stunning Audio-Visual Portray-o-Vision (already in progress): The flat key, gesticulating conniver did a mike drop to signal his finish, crossing his arms and smiling contentedly over such an atrocity. Two of those paper-thin imps slid in out of nowhere, having little ribbons on their horns and their pale faces ablush amidst a cloud of glitter. “UWAAAA!! That was totally awesome! Contractor-senpai-sama is super duper amazingly cool WONDERFUL!!!” “He’s soooo Super Sugoi, I want him to have my babies! Hundreds of Contractor-niisan-kun’s babies sooooooo KAWAII!! ^w^w^w^w^” The Contractor raised up his hands to placate the blatantly self-generated praise. “Please, please, settle down, gentlemen; you’re being kind enough. I would say there’s enough of me to go around, but then that’d make me a liar.” The imps soundlessly backed off into the ether. “Well that was invigorating. Now show us what's on the board, Ke-viiiin~!" Amoré-Meter Contractor----------<>-------------------Missingno. "HA! I so got this in the bag!" The host with the boast turned his smug gaze upon his foe in affection. "Your turn, home slice. Though it won't do you any good, to be fair." He tossed another mike at Missingno., which hit the glitch's blocky front and fell to the ground with a thud of feedback. After some awkward seconds, the microphone rose up before Missingno. as he himself floated up a few inches to begin his romance retaliation. DO NOT WANT TO CLOSE MY EYES I DO NOT WANT TO FALL ASLEEP BECAUSE I WOULD MISS YOU BABE, AND I DO NOT WANT TO MISS A THING BECAUSE EVEN WHEN I DREAM OF YOU THE SWEETEST DREAM WILL NEVER DO I WOULD STILL MISS YOU BABE, AND I DO NOT WANT TO MISS A THING Amoré-Meter Contractor--------------------------------<>Missingno. FRICKIN' NAILED IT!!! "WHAAAAAAAT?!" the goofball hollered, eyes bulging through his spectacle lenses. "Oh Missingno darling, take me away you magnificent heartthrob you!" Derpy swooned, throwing a leg up to her forehead in a vain attempt to contain the roiling emotions within her mind and bosom. "H-h-how can you fall for that?! He didn't sing anything: he just typed up a bunch of words!" "And those words spoke directly to my heart. Oh come save me, my greyscale prince, so that we may bathe in romantic bliss!" ... I STILL DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO MAKE OF ALL THIS The Contractor groaned loudly as he slapped a palm onto his face, grumbling whilst pressing and shifting it like agitated putty. After some more disfiguring he pulled and stretched his face forward before letting go, letting it snap back to its original aggravated look. "Okay, you know what? Forget it. That turned out to be really stupid. I mean, incredibly so, even for me. Let's just pretend none of that happened and settle this in a somewhat less embarrassing fashion." He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose before taking a deep breath. Having composed himself, he looked at the polygonal pest. "So you're technically a Pokémon, right? Then we'll settle this in the same vein as other romantic disputes: with violence.” He donned his battle cap. “Pokémon Violence!" The area flashed as the electronic sounds of battle filled the air. The combatants slid into their respective positions across from each other, with the Contractor taking up the spot of the “hero” in his stylish red vest and cocky signature red cap of copyright infringement. Missingno. took up the place of the “enemy”, having inexplicably gotten a douchey black shirt stretched over his blocky frame. Rival MISSINGNO. would like to battle. “Okay hot stuff, I’ll bust out the big guns first!” Contractor announced before winding up a toss. “I choose you, Voltron!” He let fly an Ultra Ball, which burst open to release a most glorious Zapdos. The Legendary Bird gave off a mighty screech before flapping in place, awaiting command. “HaHA! Let’s waste no time. Voltron, use Thunderbolt and fry his sorry digital ass!” The Zapdos shrieked before it used Thunderbolt. A powerful pillar of electricity shot down from on high, striking Missingno. with tremendous force. However, it didn’t take much off his HP bar. It’s not very effective… “What, you’re a Ground type? I call baloney!” the loonie whined, just as Missingno. readied his own attack. Rival MISSINGNO. used ROCK THROW! From above a flurry of boulders cascaded down upon the Zapdos, dealing massive damage to it as its HP slid down to zero. It’s super effective! The Zapdos gave a feeble cry before fainting. Voltron has fainted! “Woo Hoo, Missingno!” Derpy cheered from her spot by the throne. “Grah! One-hit KO-ing one of my star line-ups!” Contractor grieved while gripping his hat hard against his head for a moment. “But I’ve got others to round things out; there’s no Nuzlocke here to hold me back. Now go forth, Chibisuke!” The wily trainer tossed out a regular Pokéball that opened to reveal a mighty Charizard. Landing with a thud, he gave a great roar before staring down the glitch. “Okay Chibi, blaze him up with Flamethrower!” the spazz commanded with a wild spinning of his arm. The Charizard did so, belching off a devastating stream of fire at Missingno., which did a fair bit of damage. But the Glitch Pokémon was quick to counter. Rival MISSINGNO. used HYDRO PUMP! “Oh bullocks, I forgot he used that,” the uppity trainer grumbled as a great blast of water smacked into the Charizard, knocking him out of the fight. Chibisuke has fainted! “NOOOOOO, he was my very first starter! CHIBISUKE!!!” The woeful malefactor threw himself to his knees, crying out in sorrowful rage to the nonexistent heavens. Then he hopped back onto his feet like nothing happened. “Okay then, let’s skip on over to Fourth Gen. Try on my trusty Sylvia for size!” He chucked a Premium Ball next, and in a flash of red light there appeared a vicious-looking Garchomp. With the land shark’s appearance, the Whacko McNutjob riled himself by putting his arms behind his head and wiggling his hips. “Oooooooh Yes! Get a load of that Uber-tier goodness. Let’s see you withstand the ever-deadly and unavoidable EARTHQUAKE!!” The Garchomp used its Earth-bending powers to make the ground shake violently, hitting Missingno. for a good deal of damage that nudged him into the yellow. “Now we’re talking turkey! By which I mean your defeat, which will be basted in sweet, fiery pwnage come next turn!” Missingno. ignored the threat and instead focused on attacking. Rival MISSINGNO. used RAZOR LEAF! Several large green leaves shot out from behind the glitchy-mon, then fired at the Garchomp with deadly speed. After some brutal cuts, the Pokémon’s HP steadily dwindled into nothing, resulting in her fainting with little protest. A critical hit! It was super effective! Sylvia has fainted! “Bull-Shit!” Contractor practically screamed, his face red as the dickens. “That happens WAY too many times! Frickin’ RNG screws me over when it damn well pleases. This is why I quit playing Battle Frontier!” He stomped the ground in rapid fury, so much so that cracks started forming out from where his foot landed. Once his tantrum had run out, he gave a huff before looking at Missingno. with murderous wrath. “Fine.  That’s enough horsing around.” With grave focus, he turned his cap around into Shit Got Real position. “Time to bust out the big-GER guns.” From his belt he pulled out a Master Ball, which he held out for all to see. He took a moment to bring it to his face to give a small kiss for luck, followed by a lick, which then became a full-blown make-out session as he fell to the floor with the item pressed against his ravenous lips while the sweet sax of “Careless Whisper” blared away. He was in the midst of lifting up his shirt when he noticed the others in the room giving him strange looks, immediately bringing the music to a grinding halt. Well, they mostly came from Derpy since Missingno. didn’t have a face. But the radiance of judgment from the stoic edifice could be felt nevertheless. The frisky battle wrangler got up and made an embarrassed chuckle. “S-sorry about that. I just, uh, really like this Pokémon.” A cough for posture. “But now, you face the unavoidable wrath of the almighty Renegade. The Lord of Destruction, the Renderer of Antimatter. I summon you: Lucifer!!” With dramatic flair he cast the ball toward his opponent, and from within its depths there broke free, in a cloud of malevolence, the serpentine form of the awe-inspiring and frightening Giratina. The beast from the great beyond slithered about in the air, eyeing down its lowly prey. “And so you face your death sentence at last,” The Contractor said with gravitas, his arms crossed and gaze straight and narrow. “There will be no counters this time around. Lucifer!” A toss of the arm. “Show him your Shadow Force!” Giratina let off a cry before disappearing. Lucifer vanished instantly. Rival MISSINGNO. used ROCK THROW! The attack missed! “Mweheheh. Hadn’t bothered learning a recovery move? That will cost you dearly, my troublesome error.” Lucifer used SHADOW FORCE! The world turned gray for a moment, and then color flashed back as the Giratina reappeared to fire a shadowy blast at Missingno. head-on. It had no effect. “...Eh? Nani?” Instantly his level persona cracked into unadulterated bewilderment and frustration. “Are you kidding me!? How can you be a Ground type and a Normal type at the same time that’s impossible! HAAAAAX!!!!” As the insufferable pissant cried shenanigans, Missingno. made his rebuttal. Rival MISSINGNO. used HYPER BEAM! After gathering some energy, the glitchy warrior fired off his unstoppable lazor, which tore through the Giratina and sent it down for the count. Lucifer has fainted! The Contractor growled and grumbled as he ripped off his vest and threw down his hat in anger. “So you don’t want to play by the rules, huh? Alright, I’m down for that. I’ve been saving the perfect secret weapon for just such an occasion. The Refrigerator, I choose you!” Suddenly, Super Bowl champion defensive lineman William Perry came charging out of nowhere and blindsided Missingno., his incredible bulk knocking the hapless fellow hard onto its side while obliterating his black shirt in the process. The Refrigerator used TACKLE! It’s super effective! Rival MISSINGNO. is paralyzed! It may be unable to move! “Oh no!” Derpy cried, bringing up her hooves in fright. As Missingno. laid, battered and shaking, Contractor smirked at this most fortuitous turnaround. “Yeah that’s right: I can play dirty too. All that’s left is to deliver the final blow and Derpy will be mine, heh heh.” “Get up, Missingno! You can do it!” the mare called out. I AM… I AM TRYING TO Missingno. struggled, but could barely even budge. “Strictly at my mercy,” Contractor scoffed as he stepped forward to end things once and for all. Yet as he was within a yard of his fallen opponent, “Hold it right there, monster!” That whiny prepubescent voice could only mean the arrival of a certain diminutive pixelated lad, with a blocky head and body, perpetually smiling face, blue clothes, red cape, and a blocky handgun, who had leapt in front of the stricken Missingno., blocking him off from the approaching menace. “Oh good lord, what is this?” Contractor bemoaned. “Payback is what it is!” was the Kid’s snappy reply. “Yo Missingno., I’ve come to back you up.” WHO ARE YOU? “There’s no time for talk! Here, fix yourself up with this.” A blue E-Can flew up from the Kid and onto Missingno., instantly healing him and removing his status ailments. “Boshy sends his regards, by the way. Now pull yourself together while I hold him off.” He took a step toward the white-garbed antagonist. “You’re in trouble now, big guy. Time to eat lead! YAAAAAAA—” The Contractor sneezed on the charging Kid, causing him to explode in a gory spray of red pixels. Game Over Git Ded, Kid! “Wow, that was… pretty violent,” Derpy remarked, slightly pale. Meanwhile, Missingno. had gotten ahold of himself and made himself upright. He floated up a few feet as his very being wavered with willpower. Seeing his companion’s brutal end has filled Missingno. with DETERMINATION “Ho ho ho ho ho ho! Going with Undertale now? Well so can I!” Contractor brought up his right arm and threw it down, arming himself with a Chaos Buster. “Bring It!” With a triumphant leap Contractor launched high into the air, with Missingno. following right behind. The two then soared and engaged in clandestine aerial combat, with the Lord of Copycatting taking aim and firing off bursts of chaos bullets. After a few rounds he charged his weapon to fire a rainbow beam of death, which Missingno. dodged quickly. The Wallflower of Violence summoned up some fireballs to throw at Missingno., but due to their curving movements they completely bypass the blocky glitch. In response, Missingno. conjured some Hopes and Dreams and flung them at the malignant chump. They hit dead-on, knocking the breath out of the Contractor as he fell back to the throne room floor. He landed in a clumsy heap, but sprung himself back on his feet as Missingno. descended to his level. Wiping his mouth with a swipe of his arm, the Contractor glared at his opponent. “You’re pretty quick given your pixel count. But moving around all fast like that is a good way to wear you out. How bout we slow things down and talk about this over some… TEA!!” With that he shoved his hands into his pants and pulled out two dainty tea pots, which began spraying purple liquid all over the place as the man’s wild cackling filled the air. In moments Missingno. became completely drenched, yet when the torrent stopped the fluid had congealed and reformed into a thick, sticky mesh of purple webbing. The glitch struggled, but could not move, much to the chrome-domed tosser’s sinister glee. “Do I know how to brew or what? Nyeh heh heh heh!” Then he took a serious stance. “But now it’s time to get serious. Once again you’re at my mercy, and I doubt anyone’s coming to save you this time around. With that said, I think it only fitting that I end your miserable existence with help from your very own powers. That’s right: I’m talking the replication glitch. You see, I have some very, very deep pockets—practically hammer space levels of deep—so there’s no telling what my sixth item will be. Knives? Handgrenades? Dog residue? Pez dispensers full of acid capsules? Whatever it might be, there will be plenty enough to smother you in delicious irony. So enough stalling; time for your doom!” Contractor dug deep into his pockets, then withdrew his rival’s final judgment. Everything immediately went silent, for the diabolical madman had pulled out a fistful of… purple silicone buttplugs. He stood there with eyes bulging and mouth agape, letting some terse seconds go by as man looked to glitch, and glitch looked to man, then man looked to pony, and pony looked to man. Pitiable choked groans left his gaping maw, all whilst shaking with considerable spiritual anguish. "This... This isn't mine..." With a whine he flung his scandalous fistful at Missingno., which bounced off him impotently. Contractor dug into his pockets and tossed another incriminating handful, then another, and another. Soon he's tossing out a whole stream of the rubbery buggers, all while screaming "None of these are MIIIIIIIINE!!!!". After what felt like too long the naughty barrage had ceased, a pile of buttplugs having formed at Missingno.'s base. The Contractor took time to huff out both his exhaustion and sheer embarrassment, but the damage was already done. He just had himself a really bad time. "How can this get any worse..." To answer that question, leaping in from the gaping hole from earlier appeared that excitable raggamuffin of a Jawa, Squishy. With a graceful landing he took position beside Missingno. while whipping out a custom guitar, much to Contractor's unending chagrin. "You!?" "Sorry I'm late; just finished mopping up the remaining trash.” The midget stood tall and pointed dramatically at the mastermind. “Now that we’re together, let’s show this tyrant the almighty power that is ROCK!” Squishy played out the sweet opening licks of “Soft Machine”, headbangin’ to intensify the tubular vibes. However, Contractor meanwhile had gone over to a working PS2 and opened the disc tray, pulling out a Gitaroo-Man disc which he then promptly snapped in half, putting a stop to the music. “I’m getting real sick of these intrusions.” “WAAAAAAAH!!! How could you do that to our most precious relic?!?!?!?” the Jawa screeched, utterly losing it. “I’ve moved on to bigger and better things, little one,” was the cool response. “Can’t stay starry-eyed and seventeen forever. But here, have some Ace Combat 5 instead.” With that, Contractor popped in another disc and closed the tray. Not two seconds later, the massive frame of the SOLG space platform came crashing down atop Squishy, taking a good chunk of room with it down into the abyss to the triumphant chorus of “Unsung War”. Miraculously, Missingno. remained stuck where he was just two feet from the point of impact, completely unscathed. THAT WAS MOST CERTAINLY RAN “Blaze!” A fighter jet collided into Missingno. at sonic speed, erupting into a catastrophic fireball that took away another chunk of flooring. When the smoke cleared, nothing could be seen of the unfortunate glitch. “Noooo! Missingnooooooo!!” Derpy cried out in sorrow, whereas the Contractor pumped up his fists looking positively ecstatic. “Yahahaha, YES! Suck it, Nagase; hatred has won the day! Victory is Mine!!!” He then proceeded to run around his throne with arms raised high, shouting out “Wooo!” at every lap like an idiot. Meanwhile, some feet beneath the throne room on a piece of broken flooring there laid Missingno. The jet’s impact had freed him from the purple webbing, but it had also injured him gravely to the point where his front was cracked and shorting out with intermittent static. ...SO THIS IS HOW IT END-ENDS AT THE H-H-HANDS OF A DELUDED, MANIACA-CAL DEVIANT “It doesn’t have to be that way.” From the darkness nearby, there appeared the Director of Pokémon Red and Blue: Satoshi Tajiri. (Hold for Applause) “You mustn’t give up hope, when what you have sought after is so close at hand,” he urged the wounded sprite after waving to the phantom audience. WH-WHAT DOES IT MA-MA-MA-MATTER IF I WERE TO CONTINUE-UE? I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN BRO-BROKEN, AND NOW IT IS ABSOLU-UTE “You shouldn’t speak so negatively of yourself, my child. Self-confidence is a very beneficial trait in this uncertain world. If you keep yourself low, how do you expect to rise?" TH-THERE WOULD BE NO-NO POINT I HAVE AL-ALWAYS BEEN IN SOLI-LITUDE, MY EXISTENCE LONESOME-SOME IF MY OWN CREATORS WOULD ABAND-D-D-DON ME, THEN WHO COULD EVER WANT A MISSSSTAKE LIKE ME? I HAVE NO PLACE IN THIS CR-CRUEL REALITY Tajiri nodded in solemn shame. "That was not our intent. We were close to deadline, and everything appeared in order. But that's still no excuse for our carelessness and disregard for your well-being. Yet you shouldn't focus on the past. The fact that you are here now shows that you have a future. You have come so far in seeking greater things, but at the same time, you were also trying to be something other than what you are." ...WH-WHAT DO YOU MEAN? "You wanted to do away with your identity to become accepted, when you should be embracing that which makes you unique." BUT WHAT I AM HA-HARMS OTHERS "Only if you allow it to control you, when instead you should be the one in control. Do not be afraid to express your true self, my child. In acceptance of one’s flaws can one approach greatness, and so you too must go forth and take hold the destiny that awaits you without hesitation. We are confident in your success, whatever you may choose to do with your life. Fare thee well." And with that, the game director vanished. With those parting words reverberating within Missingno.’s core, the fallen glitch began to shudder. ...HE IS RI-RIGHT WHY HAVE I BEEN HIDING ALL THIS TI-IME? A fresh crack burst from his center. BELIEVING THAT I WAS A WRETCHED MISTAKE Another crack, wider than the first and seething with a brackish, almost ooze-like static. BUT THAT IS WHAT MAKES ME UNIQUE WHAT GIVES ME IDENTITY FLAWS CAN ALSO DEFINE SOMEONE WHY SHOULD MINE BE ANY LESS DEFINING? Several more cracks had formed, and Missingno.’s damaged front was pulsating with waves of some inner, monochromatic strength. He began shifting upward as little shadowy tendrils started poking out of him. NO LONGER SHALL I BE BURDENED WITH SHAME OR REGRETS FROM NOW ON, I WILL SIMPLY BE… myself A wave of profound power radiated from Missingno. as his constricting form cracked to let out more of his newfound static-like energy, allowing him to float and rise up from his lowly perch. He ascended high into the devastated throne room, where the Contractor kept shouting his victory laps. “Wooo! Wooo! Wooo. Wooooooooooh?” The celebratory sperg had stopped to gaze upon the seething monolith that seemed to glare down at him like a vengeful, grayscale sun. The room began shaking as Missingno. rumbled in preparation for attack, brimming with the full might of a Juno Reactor. Ur Shit is Rekt Several brackish tentacles fired from Missingno. with lightning speed, striking and piercing through Contractor like a set of spears. The static-like ooze of the spears began spreading through the pained malefactor’s body, filling him with corruptive agents. “Gggahh! N-No, you don’t know what you’re doing! This level of corruption will, pluh, spread! There will be no containing it. You’ll doom us all! Hheeeuuuuaaaaaagggggggghhhhh!!!” Fragmentation levels having reached max capacity, the Contractor could do little else but explode into a shower of semicolons, pound cake, Touhou and Queen soundtracks, and boxes of Solgryn brand oatmeal. Withdrawing his fatal tendrils, Missingno. floated in full glory as the lone victor. “My Hero!!” Breaking from her horrid restraints and skimpy clothes, Derpy Hooves leapt and soared into the air, reaching out to her savior with a teary-eyed smile. She connected and embraced him, and as she held on tight, fanfare and fireworks went off around them, filling the empty mindspace with the colors of love and victory. As Missingno. sprouted some tendrils to hold his mare, dozens of Bronies and Pokémon fans popped in from the void to provide a thunderous round of Congratulations. There is nothing to get between us anymore, my beloved. We will stay together like this for all eternity. “Together and forever always, my love,” Derpy said softly, snuggling into the shoulder of her one and only, absorbing his essence and elevating her own inner strength. Together as one, the couple fired straight up toward the heart of the Internet, where love of every kind can flourish. Thus Missingno. and Derpy Hooves, a pair of souls borne out of creative error, found happiness and true love in one another. Their existences became that of shared bliss, and together they spawned many happy little abominations of art and technology. These offspring then spread out far and wide throughout the Internet, propagating even more spawn of a highly infectious nature. Eventually the corruption brought on by their widespread presence caused the utter destruction of the Internet and modern technology as we know it. Stocks crashed, and the world economy took a nosedive as society became embroiled in panic and rioting. In seventy years time the world has regressed to WWII warfare practices, save for the addition of hulking bipedal tanks, which would bring heavy armor to the future war that's being fought between a beleaguered USA and a cruel fascist-run United Nations. ...Which really doesn't make much sense, for a number of reasons. First of all, didn't we already have a good set of planes and tanks and so forth back then? Why make it more complicated by using these clankity mechs that require a four man crew, or a CPU that’s jury-rigged through a POW’s brain. Yeah, you read that right. It's pretty f*ed up. For that matter, why resort to using human brains as computers? That virus didn't destroy all the silicon in the world, did it? The first home computers were made in peoples' garages; you'd think in seventy years' time they'd have made something that didn't require lobotomising someone for processing speed. There had to be hard copies of blueprints and instructions for making these things, right? And don’t tell me that technology period got destroyed as well. There’s backups for those, too. I mean, seriously, I would imagine seventy years is plenty of time to get back some semblance of the early 21st century, or at least the late 20th. Wait, what am I even doing? I'm ranting about a game from five years ago that most people haven't played because the Kinect sucks that much. What happened to my life? Late twenties and I'm still writing pony fics. I had so much potential, yet here I am squandering it on stories hardly anyone will read or will forget about in a week, if I'm lucky. I could have been anything. I could have been great, a benefactor to society. Like a scientist, or a marine biologist; maybe a playwright. I could've been an actor; I could've been a star. I could've shook my ass on the hood of Whitesnake's car. Her yellow SUV, is now the enemy. Looks at her average life. And nothing, Has been, ALL RIGHT (and you know the rest) *Well that’s it for me. Hope you got some enjoyment from this complete and utter nonsense. If you happen to be curious about this Contractor fellow, here’s the first trilogy of my earlier work. There’s like, six of them up so far, and some extras. And they're all unashamedly silly and self-indulgent romps of fancy. So yeah, I’m outta here. Have a good day or whatever. —Hops into Pimpmobile and drives off. Ciao(tsu) >3>