Grounded
Sixteen
Millions of thoughts swirled and swarmed through Rainbow’s mind, and it wasn’t awesome. If anything, it was bothersome, making her sigh and lay against her pillow. The food Nurse Kindly gave her rested on the desk beside her, but she only stared at it. Thinking only made her feel melancholy and weird.
A lot of these thoughts connected to one thing: her son.
Why did any of that happen? It slipped under her before she could blink, and for once, she reacted too slow for her own good. This one stupid, irresponsible thing only led to disaster. Why did he go out into that jousting field, with spears shining...
Rainbow Dash sighed under her breath, rubbing her face.
The worst part, however, was that she was to blame entirely. She could look anywhere else, but it was her fault, and she hated every part of it. She buried her face in her blanket and wished her mind would turn off. Sleep would be real nice right now.
A noise reached her ears, which twitched in response. Turning to the left, she only saw the window.
And a pink hoof tapping it.
Wait!
Eyes wide, she started leaving her bed, but the pane opened before she could set her hooves on the floor. Pinkie Pie’s head popped in, big blue eyes twinkling at her.
She waved a hoof through the window as she started to enter. “Hey, Dashie!”
“Pinkie?” Her voice grew raspy, both in shock and a hint of exhaustion. “What’re you doing?”
“Just checking up on you,” she answered with a cheerful smile. She stayed sitting halfway through the window.
“You couldn’t use the door?” She gestured to the one in her room, flashing Pinkie an irritated look.
“Visiting hours are over. Besides, it’s fun to try things differently.” Her smile melted into a more sheepish one, however, as she added, “But, uuhhh, do you think you can help me out? I’m a little stuck.”
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes, but she walked over, carrying her bandaged gingerly on her back. With a grab and a pull, she brought Pinkie Pie into the room. “Only you would jump three floors just to say hi.”
“Well, I’m not here to just say hi. I wanted to check on you.”
“I’m fine. My wings aren’t even that bad… still sucks, though,” Rainbow grumbled, fidgeting her wings. It stung, but she bit back a wince. “Probably won’t fly for a couple days. That’s worse than being stuck in this place for the night.”
“You didn’t seem so okay when we left,” Pinkie said, eyebrows quirked up. She kept her eyes on Rainbow Dash, but those blue eyes didn’t sparkle with enthusiasm.
She frowned. “What makes you say that?”
“It wasn’t hard to figure out.” Pinkie nudged her. “I notice things--lots of things! We all knew you were worried the second you came to find us, and we were super concerned.
Dash shot her a glare. “You guys sure didn’t act like it.” Her mood turned sour at the memory. Her friends giving mild sympathy, at best. Twilight made her want to kick the wall. “It was like you didn’t care.”
“We wanted to find Cobalt just as much as you did!” Pinkie defended, eyes wide. “Well, except for the fact you’re his mother, but freaking out about it wouldn’t have done anything good.”
Rainbow sulked back against her pillow, arms crossed.
“Except that’s not my point! I always get off topic.” Pinkie Pie pouted and shook her head. “Anyway, we knew you were losing it before you even said anything. And you didn’t stop until you found him. Even then, you still looked so sad. So it’s gotta be more than that. I just wanna know…” She leaned in close to Dash and frowned. “What’s wrong, Rainbow Dash?”
“Nothing, alright? It’s nothing.” She rolled her eyes, mostly to avoid her friend’s gaze and tilting her body away from Pinkie’s.
“Pleaaaase, Rainbow,” Pinkie begged, following her shortly. “I won’t tell anyone, and you can trust me. Are we besties?” She put her hoof in the air.
She wanted to argue back, and a small part of her wanted to be alone and for Pinkie to simply go away. One sneaky look at her told Rainbow she meant it. Every word. And she couldn’t help but smile as she thought back to their adventures… which consisted with pranks, traveling, and more pranks. “Totally,” she said, bumping her friend’s hoof.
“And besties can tell besties anything.” Rainbow Dash noticed the quiet tone in Pinkie’s voice. Rather than bouncing in place, she sat down beside her and waited. But still with a winning smile.
How could she explain this? Biting her lip, she at last found the right words. “I seriously don’t know how to do this mom thing. It’s… kinda scary. Like, not super scary, but… still scary.” She crossed her hooves and turned away.
Pinkie’s ears flattened, but she recovered in a flash. “I know some bad stuff happened today, but accidents happen! You can’t let them get to you, silly,” she said while wrapping her in a side hug. “You’re Rainbow Dash! You can do anything!”
“Yeah, thanks. Easier said than done,” Rainbow grumbled, but the hug brought a hint of comfort. Her lip quivered, but she bit it to stop. “I just think that maybe… I’m not fit for it, really.”
“What?” Pinkie gasped, but Dash covered her mouth before her voice grew louder and alerted the night shift. The pink pony giggled, blushing, and continued, “That’s not true, Dashie. A mistake or two doesn’t mean a thing. You just learn from them and move on!”
“It’s not about what happened today.”
“Then what is?” Rainbow stayed quiet, and Pinkie poked her side, though not in any sort of playful manner. “Rainbow…”
Rainbow sighed, tired. “Okay, here's the thing. I'm just flying through the sky. The clouds, the air, it's, well, awesome! All of it. And getting to fly through it—heck, I'm the fastest Pegasus in Equestria!" She reached out forward and high into the sky, and for a short moment, a wide grin crossed her face. "And he just watches on the ground. I love taking him with me, but it's not the same!" The smile faded, and she groaned. "There will always be stupid... genetics making it hard for both of us.”
"That doesn't make you a bad parent, though!" Pinkie pointed out.
Dash shrugged in mild agreement. "I guess. But flying is my life—it's what I did to get my Cutie Mark! It's what makes me the best!" she exclaimed, her voice cracking at the end. Whether it was how she usually spoke or... otherwise, she didn't want to know. "And Cobalt—it's hard to love two things when they're both so, well, different. I can't always be there for him, but I want to be. I... arrghh."
Pinkie watched her with intensity, and even after she was done talking, the earth pony just kept looking at her, staring at her with those giant blue eyes. Rainbow could've sworn she was staring right into her soul.
"Uhhh, Pinkie?"
She blinked, and a big smile came across Pinkie's face. "You can find a way!" She slung an arm around Rainbow Dash. "I know you can, Dashie, 'cause you're a great friend. An awesome friend."
Rainbow shrugged and leaned back, flashing a small grin. "That kinda sounds like me."
"Kinda?" Pinkie squealed. "Don't sell yourself short, silly. I know you can do it."
Behind that cheerful voice, Rainbow Dash could hear confidence and hope. Of all things, she wasn't doubtful. Rainbow Dash smiled at her.
Hoofsteps approached, and although no doors opened, Pinkie squeaked. "Eep! I've been spotted! Time to bolt! I'll talk to you later, Rainbow!"
Pinkie grabbed Rainbow into one last hug, where Dash tried not to make much noise about the pain from her wings. Once pulling away, Pinkie Pie approached the window and pushed it open as far as possible. She shot Dash one last look and one last wave before diving down several stories. Rainbow ran toward the window without much thought and looked as far down as possible.
Pinkie bounced on her tail, even as she trailed off and away from the hospital. Rainbow just sighed, and approaching her bed, fell face first into the pillow. She was more than happy to finally let out all the stress she’d been feeling for goodness knows how long...
Why didn’t she feel any better?
They left the next day. Rainbow took off from the hospital, ignoring the doctor's advice to take care of her wings even while walking. After multiple wing incidents, she zoned out about their warnings that she had to be careful and not to overwork herself. With this not being an uncommon situation, she zoned out mostly because it was stuck in her head like an annoying song that she heard over and over before.
Even when Cobalt asked about why his mommy was stuck in the hospital and Fluttershy had to watch over him, she didn't think for a second about giving him the real answer. Rather, she stuck out her chest and said, "Just a little accident, kid, don't even worry about it. It's nothing I can't handle."
It made him smile real wide, and that was all that mattered to her.
Rainbow sat next to him on the ride home as he doodled in a book she got him for these long rides. Fluttershy and a sleeping Pinkie Pie were seated in front of her. Thinking back to Pinkie sneaking to the hospital in the middle of the night, Rainbow Dash had a small bit of curiosity as to whether it had to do with that. Either way, Pinkie's loud snores filled the train car, and every once in a while, her back hoof twitched like a dog.
Meanwhile, if Fluttershy caught onto Rainbow Dash’s strange, silent phase, she said nothing of it. Dash was sure she caught her friend giving her a few side glances, but being too kind for her own good, likely didn’t want to bring it up.
Her wings were still sore, and just shifting them around in her seat irritated her a bit. Like an annoying itch that she really shouldn’t touch. Despite this, she decided not to whine about it.
"Are you feeling any better, Rainbow?"
Rainbow turned to Fluttershy, who leaned in to whisper the question. Dash raised an eyebrow. "Sure, yeah. Why?"
Fluttershy hesitated. "I don't know. You're fairly quiet, that's all. I thought maybe you had something on your mind."
“Just… thinking. Nothing serious, though.” She shrugged in hopes to keep the cool attitude going. Maybe she’d buy it.
“Okay." Fluttershy's frown said it all. "But I’m here if you need anything, okay?”
Rainbow just nodded. She couldn’t really say anything else and doubted she would want to, if she could.
The rest of the train ride was met with awkward, long silence. Fluttershy kept to herself, her gaze wandering out to the window. She caught those glances, those little checks on her as if Rainbow would burst. Dash didn't have anything better to do, but she also didn't want to snap about it or even question it. She was just... tired.
And unlike Pinkie Pie, she couldn't simply sleep it off.
Rainbow Dash rested on the only couch in her living room, finding far more interest in the ceiling than anything else. There was so much on her mind, but she refused to think about any of it. Cobalt was in his room, not aware of how his mother was feeling. She preferred it that way.
A nudge brought her attention back, and she looked down to see Tank. Smiling, she rubbed the top of his head. With all the attention and time she had given Cobalt, she often gave him to Fluttershy to care for him. And she was fairly sure this was the first time they’ve been in the same room together for more than a couple minutes. She picked him up and placed him on her belly to look at him.
“I know, Tank. Friendship is stupid hard. But with you, not so much. Still, I feel bad that I didn’t take care of you since I left. You aren’t mad at me, are you?” She pouted.
He took a minute, but Tank nodded his wrinkled head. Rainbow nuzzled him with a chuckle. “Glad to hear it. Maybe later when all this crud is over, we can go flying around the park or something.”
A smile gradually lifted on his face. That’s a yes.
Someone knocked on the door. She sighed. “‘S open.”
The door creaked open. Rainbow lifted her head up toward the door and first noticed a brown hat at the doorway. Eyebrows raised, she rose from the couch and placed Tank on the floor.
When she walked over to Applejack, the earth pony was smiling. “How’re ya doing, Rainbow?”
She shrugged. “I’m alright. Wings’re still sore, but nothing I can’t handle.” She tried to flash a confident smile, but her effort was minimal. And she was pretty sure she said the exact same thing to her child.
Applejack's eyebrows curved downward. Unlike a colt, she wasn't buying it, and Rainbow cringed to herself.
“How’re you really doing?” Applejack asked, approaching her. Her face was a mix of concern and sternness. Rainbow imagined that if she asked her to leave her alone, for any reason, Applejack would not move an inch. Stubborn until the end.
Rainbow sat up from her seat. “Did, uh, Pinkie talk to you or something?”
Applejack’s raised eyebrows gave her enough of an answer. Yet she still said, “Didn’t get anything from her. This is just from my instincts. You’ve been out of sorts for a few days. I want to help.”
“So you’ve noticed, too?” Rainbow blew a strand of hair away from her face. Is “I’m upset” written on my face or what?
"Y-yeah..." Applejack's stern look faded, and she bit her lip. She took a second to continue, but Rainbow just waited. "But uh first, I--well, wanted to talk about... ehh..." The pauses got longer, and Rainbow Dash could feel her patience thinning. "Look, I... I'm really sorry about how I acted the first time around. When you came back. I was acting foolish."
“You were.” Rainbow scoffed audibly, but she couldn’t help but wear a smirk.
Applejack shot her a look, but when she let out a long breath, it faded. “I just… thought the whole thing could’ve gone better. Somehow. I didn’t like all the lying.” She sat as she spoke on the other side of the couch. Seeing the deep thought she was in, Rainbow Dash did not object. “It hurt, that’s all. And I reacted a bit harshly.”
Rainbow Dash rested a hoof on the arm of the couch. “Well, that’s kinda how I felt. I didn’t think. Just felt and went with it. Wasn’t really all that smart on my part, but that whole egghead smart thing is Twilight’s job.” She tapped the cushion subconsciously.
Applejack laughed a bit. “Right. But I know by now that a grudge won’t do any good for either of us. And I-I’m sorry.”
Rainbow sighed, visibly relaxing as she switching positions so she sat upside down. “Good. I’m tired of this drama crap. It was getting old fast.”
“It’s not good for the head.” Applejack pointed to hers. “It messes with you while working.” She looked down with a shake of her head. Her head lifted up, her smile not quite meeting her eyes. “Speaking of that. I do have an idea as to how you can maybe feel better.”
Dash squinted. “What’s it have to do?”
“I think what ya need is closure.”
She scoffed again, but didn't smile this time. "Closure? That sounds like something from those psychology books Twilight keeps trying to get me into."
"It can do a lot, sugar," said Applejack, ignoring her last statement. She tapped her shoulder, then kept it there. She knelt down a little to meet Rainbow Dash's annoyed gaze. "You'd be surprised. Whatever's bugging you, I'm sure a little talk will do something."
Rainbow thought it over for a moment, but she pouted. Straightening back up, she said, “But you and I already apologized.”
Applejack rubbed her face. “Not me!” she exclaimed.
“Oh, right.” Dash chuckled. "Duh."
"After so long, you probably should talk things over with him. Whatever's on your mind, perhaps it'll clear it up. He is the dad, after all, and you haven't seen him all that much."
Rainbow leaned onto the couch, thinking it over. Though tempted to tell Applejack what she told Pinkie Pie, she couldn't help but look into the small hallway where Cobalt was playing with his toys. As if she'd want to talk about that with him in hearing distance. Just this conversation made her wonder if he knew what was going on in some way. What if he did? How would he respond? Would he want her to talk about her problems with his dad?
Knowing the answer, Rainbow Dash nodded. "I'll think about it. Doesn't sound that bad of an idea." She noticed Applejack's nod and the tilt of her body to leave.
"Uhhh... thanks," Rainbow sighed. "For coming over. And chatting. It was... ah, nice."
Applejack grinned and tilted her hat up. "No prob, sugar. Glad we could settle things," she said as she walked over to the door. "And good luck with whatever's on your mind."
Rainbow nodded.
I'm gonna need it.