//------------------------------// // Chapter 4 // Story: Refined Starlight in a Broken Vessel // by the-pieman //------------------------------// We stayed in the meeting hall as the six ponies and both princesses relayed all the information, both general and personal, they had on Discord. Twilight being the last one to offer her experiences, finished her little triad. “And that’s Discord, Spirit of Chaos.” I nod. “Sounds like a neat guy. I’d like to meet him.” The six ponies stare at me in shock, Princess Celestia offering her thoughts on my comment. “Didn’t you hear what we said?” “Of course I did. I heard every word from all of your stories.” Twilight stood up. “Then why would you say you want to meet him?” “Well you all, and I do mean all, seem to have some gripe with Discord. On the rare occasion I heard any form of compliment, it was immediately followed by a mentioning of something he did that each storyteller considered awful. I’m not going to judge someone solely based on what others say. I’d like to meet him and get to know him myself. That way I can see if I feel the same way or not.” I reply resolutely. Twilight looked rather mollified by my logic. “I suppose that makes sense... But we are not releasing Discord!” “Fine, suit yourself. Anyone else important I should know about?” Twilight holds up a piece of parchment up and scanning through it. “Well, there’s Spike for one.” “Spike? Is he your dog or something?” “Hey!” There’s a genuine surprise. A voice that actually sounds rather masculine. Prepubescent, but masculine all the same. I turn and see a small, bipedal reptilian creature. It climbs up on the table in front of me, using a chair to reach high enough. Now it’s looking at me. “I am not a dog! I’m a dragon!” I lean my head against my arm, elbow propped up on the table. “Fascinating. Can you roll over?” “Yes I c- er, shut up!” he says indignantly, arms crossed in front of his chest. “Never.” I grin. “So what’s your story?” “Well, Twilight hatched me from my egg, and I’ve been her faithful assistant since I learned to write.” He seemed rather proud of this. “I see. And what have you been doing?” “Well, Twilight sent me here to Canterlot. My job was to search all the libraries I could find for books on strange creatures.” he jerks a thumb over his shoulder, and I can see the edge of a literal wagon full of books. “I have them on a cart outside. I suppose the reason she was freaking out was you showing up.” “Okay, so...” I shrug. “Guess I’m your new housemate.” “Huh?” The little guy looks confused, one eyebrow... ridge raised. Twilight decided to respond for me. “For the time being, he will be staying at the library. This way he can interact with ponies and I can study him further.” “Just don’t stick any thermometers where they don’t belong, okay Ms. Science?” The entire ensemble of ponies and dragon all groaned. “Seriously? This guy is gonna be staying with us, Twilight?” Spike asked. I give him a noogie. “Yep, don’t you feel lucky?” “Immensely...” was the flat response I got from him. He’s got a good deadpan going there. “Well, we should head back tah Ponyville I s’pose...” Applejack suggested. It was getting rather late, the windows becoming almost reflective with how dark it was outside. “Yes, but I think I’ll teleport him to the library directly. We don’t want him causing a stir on a train-ride.” Celestia pointed out. “But I wanna stay! You said I should meet the ponies!” “That I did, but if your presences causes panic, I’d prefer if it was not on a train moving down a mountainside. Thus, I insist that you be teleported.” “No, I’m not gonna.” I cross my arms in defiance. “Anthony...” she says, looking angry. She takes a deep, calming breath. “Anthony, will you please allow me to teleport you? I’m trying to make sure nobody gets instigated to hasty actions. You or somepony else.” she explains. “...fine, but tomorrow all bets are off, I’m still gonna do what I want.” She heaves a sigh. “Fine...” she turns to Twilight. “I’m trusting you to keep charge of him. Keep him out of trouble if you can, and keep track of his progress. Don’t ignore your other duties, but... keep an eye on him, please.” she says, gently. I understand Twilight’s her royal subject and all, but she doesn’t have to be so nice right after being so rude to me! We get back to the library via teleportation again and I try to find a place to get comfortable. Twilight seems to have other ideas for me though, seeing as how she just put a large tome in front of me. “Equestrian law and it’s history.” I read off the cover. “Yeah, no.” “Well how do you expect to follow our laws if you don’t know them?” Twilight asks, the obvious answer staring in her face not blunt enough for her. “I don’t expect to follow your laws. Or your rules. I will respect your privacy and that libraries are supposed to be quiet but other than that, I do what I want. Nobody’s the boss of me but me. Only rule I follow: I follow whatever rules I want to follow. Get it?” "Well, that's just silly! You're still subject to the laws, you know." she says, furrowing her brows, "You can't just ignore them because you want to." “Actually, I can. I am not subject to the laws, I’m subject to the consequences of not following said laws, there’s a difference.” "That's the same thing! Being subject to the consequences of breaking the law is exactly what being subject to the law means!" “Not gonna change my mind. Depending on the consequences of individual restrictions I will decide what I’m going to do or not. Like if you’re under Sharia law and stealing gets your hand sliced off, I’m probably not gonna steal anything. But if it’s a slap on the wrist then why the hell not? I’ve had worse than a slap on my wrist. Get the idea? I’m not here to break rules, I’m here to bend them and then stopping before they do break.” "What? But why? The laws are there to protect and aid you!" she says, looking confused and a bit hurt at the thought of willfully bending the rules repeatedly. “Rules? There to keep you safe? Of course they are! I’m rebellious, not stupid. The problem is that a lot of ‘safety measures’ also tend to kill the fun. Like wearing a helmet. Trust me, there’s gonna be some kid who thinks it’s stupid until they fall and hurt themselves. We call these people ‘kinetic learners.’.” "Like pegasi? I understand the idea, but that's a guide, not a law. You really need to learn them; there's only a few thousand actual laws in place with strict guidelines, and the rest are mostly meant to be flexible. And we have far fewer laws than many other nations in the world. Anthony, take me seriously; you need to follow the rules!" she says, puffing out her cheeks and chest in an attempt to look more serious, though all it does is make her look more fluffy. “I’m sorry but it’s, heh, hard to take you seriously when you look like a pissed-off kitten. Just saying.” I pick up the large book and stick it back on the shelf. “Let me simplify things for ya, m’kay? I’ll do things my way, and you can do things your way, and we try not to get in each other’s way, how’s that sound?” She grunts in irritation. “You have to listen to me, though! Celestia put me in charge of you!” she says, flailing her hooves in the air. “Yeah? Well, I’m saying nobody’s in charge of me but myself, so you can tell your princess to shove it. And while you’re at it, tell her to queen it up, she isn’t fooling me with the princess crap.” “What queen?” Twilight aks, irritation and confusion in her voice. “We don’t have a queen! We’ve never had a queen!” “Exactly. She’s the one in charge, so she’s the queen. The princess is the daughter of the ones in charge. She’s probably just keeping the princess title because it sounds cute and she’s in denial that she’s old as dirt.” “What? No, the Princesses are the highest authority in Equestria. That’s just how it works!” she says, face scrunched up. “We’re not a monarchy, we’re a diarchy.” “Yeah, Luna. So you have two queens. Still a diarchy and the rulers get to age with some damn dignity. As for princess being the highest title, who told you that?” “The princesses, of course.” Seems Twilight misses what that answer means. “And the fact that there isn’t anyone else who would be ruling us. There’s only three known Alicorns in the world, and my sister-in-law is definitely not a queen. She’s only royalty by adoption, actually.” “Well, what if I ruled you all and I made ‘princess’ second-in-command?” I’m rather interested in the response to that. She gives me a look of horror and disgust. “What? Why would you even ask that?!” “Part of being a scientist is thinking about variables and you’re a science enthusiast, right? So, suppose for the sake of argument that I was in charge and the princesses worked for me. What do you think would happen? General theory.” “Well, we’d have a different system of rule, so it depends. Would you, theoretically, set up a dictatorship, an oligarchy, a democracy, a plutocracy, an autocracy-” she doesn’t seem to be slowing, and likely won’t stop if I don’t interrupt her. “Sorry Twilight, but you seem to be misunderstanding. It would be a monarchy. Me in charge alone and the princess title being replaced with, say... advisor? That works for me.” “Uhm... then they’d be advisors? You already gave the answer in your question, so what was the point?” she asks. “Wow, and I thought you were supposed to be the smart one. The question was ‘what would happen’ in general, not ‘what would happen to the princesses’, genius. Pay attention.” “I don’t know, I’d have to know how you got to power, what sort of pony you are, how you would rule... there’s a lot more variables involved, Anthony.” I grin widely. “Looks like we’ll have to set up an experiment then, wouldn’t we?” “No.” She glares at me. “Oh fine, whatever. But still, I’ll decide what laws I want to follow and you can like it or not, I don’t care. The princess put you in charge of me, but since I disagree with that, I’m saying you aren’t in charge of me. You following me?” She grits her teeth, and growls, her eyes shut tightly. Her face has even developed a bit of a tic. “I’ll take that as a yes. Good talk Sparkle. Now, what do you have to read around here?” She takes a few breaths, and opens her eyes. “I have several texts on a wide variety of topics. What sort of book would you like to read?” she asks, a creepy smile on her face. “Something with a good plot, I don’t like boring reads.” She glares at me again. “Well, fine, if you don’t want to take this seriously-!” she starts, catching me off-guard. “What? I want a storybook with an emphasis on the story being told, what the heck did you think I meant?” “Oh! Right... Uh, nothing.” she blushes, looking embarrassed. “Okay uhm... what’s your reading level?” “College, second year.” “Alright.” she nods, mollified slightly. “I think I can find something, though I do insist you at least look into our law books, now that you’ve confirmed your reading level puts you high enough to understand the more complex parts.” I roll my eyes. “Fine, just don’t expect me to do more than skim.” “Well at least that’s progress compared to before... kind of.” We sat in silence for a while, just reading. Eventually I get to a stopping point and put my book down. As I’m heading for the front door, Twilight stops me. “Where are you going? It’s practically midnight.” “Yeah, I know. And as such, I am tired.” I open the door and step outside. Twilight once again uses her magic to hold me in place. “But where are you going?” “Dunno.” I reply honestly. “Why?” “Well, unless you have a bed for me, I’m gonna find somewhere else.” That stopped her. The decision for me to stay was only made earlier today. “But... why don’t you sleep on the table like when we found you?” I reply with my best ‘You’ve gotta be kidding’ look. “Well, where are you going to sleep, then?” “Anywhere I want.” “But... you can’t just do that!” I enhance my size to five times my original height. “Assuming my weight increases proportionally to my height, I can now.” “What? Why?” “Because at this point I weigh about a thousand pounds.” “I don’t get it...” “Get your nose stuck in a joke book sometime. I’m gonna go find somewhere to sleep.” “But-” “Seeya tomorrow, Twi.” I dash off, using my longer legs to carry me as far from her as possible before she can react. I hear a loud groan from behind me before I get too far. Heheh, she mad. Eventually I come to a little field. Well, I’m rather big at the moment so I suppose it’s not that little. I find a nice soft patch of grass and take a look around, shrinking back to normal size. Today was interesting. I stare up at the night sky and note how clear and open it is, the stars sparkling brightly, twinkling like they were almost alive. If there’s one bonus to this place, it’s the night sky. So beautiful. Staring at the large, full moon I feel drowsy but safe. Yeah, it should be fine to just sleep out here in the open. I close my eyes and lay down on the soft grass, still slightly warm from the bright sunny day earlier. I suppose today went pretty well... I feel something tap me in the side. I roll over. It’s not morning until I say it is. The pokes continue, but in different places. Then the voices, young and and annoying. “Whaddya think it is?” Poke to my side. “No idea. It looks weird.” Poke to my elbow. “It’s kinda squishy.” Poke to my chest. “You think Miss Cheerilee will know?” Poke to my forehead. “Sure, Miss Cheerilee knows everything!” Poke to my cheek. I’ve had enough. As soon as I feel the next poke, in my stomach, I grab the thing that was poking me. “Woah! It’s moving!” I realize that I am holding a stick. I was being poked with a fucking stick!? Now I’m really pissed off. I sit up and look at my inquisitors. A pair of small ponies. Unicorns. One looks fat, the other one looks more like a tiny giraffe, which is plausible since horses and giraffes are in the same family. They turn to run, but I grab them both by the base of their necks. I hold their shivering bodies up to my face, glaring at them. “This. Is not. A petting zoo.” They gulp, and start flailing. I stand up, now carrying them both, one under each arm. “You know, you two are pretty stupid.” They are now whimpering. With a sigh, I look around. I see a little red building. It’s the closest place, so why not? I go up to the door and tap on it with my foot. After a few minutes, the door opens. Surprise surprise, another pony. This one kind of a subdued pink. Or maybe some shade of purple. Whatever. “O- oh my.” The magenta mare looks utterly shocked to see me standing here. It’s probably the kids I have under my arms. “Close your mouth, you look like a fish.” She shuts her jaw and stares up at me. Even though I’m only in my normal size, I’m still a decent meter or so taller than her. I decide to get this over with. I hold up the two young ponies, making sure she can see them both. “I don’t know if these things are yours, and I honestly don’t care. They’re your problem now, deal with them.” I drop them at her feet unceremoniously and walk off. I like kids, but only when they aren’t pricks. I realize I don’t really know which way I went when I left the library, as it was rather dark. I stopped a few ponies in the road to ask for directions, but the dang horses wouldn’t stop stammering. Eventually I come across what seems to be a giant gingerbread house. Eh, I’m hungry. Might as well ask if they have anything for free. I mean, it’s a gingerbread house. There’s no way it didn’t offer some kind of food. If it didn’t, that’d be the worst marketing ploy in the history of everything. I walk in the door, ducking my head a bit to avoid the doorway. “Hello? Is anyone here?” A blue mare with pink whipped cream for hair came in from a back door and greeted me, not looking up until she actually reached the counter. “Er... um... hello there?” her mouth gapes open too. Must be a pony thing. “Yeah, hi.” says, stuffing my hands into my pockets. “Got anything to eat? I’m hungry... and broke.” “Well, uh...I...” she stammers, lost for words. “Fine, if you don’t offer free samples, how about directions to the library?” The mare just stares at me, pointing numbly to the Northwest. “Thanks.” I walk off. Celestia was right, these ponies really need to get used to me. It’s not a long trek before I come across the library. This town needs some sort of tourist map. I open the door and let myself in, plopping down in the chair I sat in last night. My book was on the center table, so I picked it up. I barely read a few sentences when Twilight comes down the stairs, her hair a complete mess. “Oh, it’s you...” “Well, good morning to you too, Miss Sunshine.” With a sigh she makes her way to the kitchen. At least that’s what I assume, as that’s where she brought in the ice cream from. After a while, I hear a sharp whistle and I recognize the sound as a tea kettle. I wonder what kind of tea they have in Equestria. I hope they actually prepare it right, and it’s not just boiled leaf-water. Twilight enters the room with a kettle and ceramic cup floating a bit behind her head. “So how strong is that stuff?” “Meh.” Her grunt is both noncommittal, and grumpy in the same tone. “Not much of a talker today, are you?” She turns a glare on me. “Anthony, shut up or I’ll glue you to the ceiling by your nose.” “Oh come on, that’s best threat you have? I can think of way worse things.” “I’m sure you can.” She concedes, taking another drink. “Like, say, pull out someone’s lower intestine, tie it into a noose and asphyxiate them with it.” “That’s disgusting!” she says, slamming the table with her hooves hard enough to make the decorations on it jump. “Hence why it’s a good threat.” “Just... shut up.” She takes a long drink from the cup, and refills it. At this point Spike is coming down the stairs, and comes out of the kitchen with his own teacup. “Please tell me you’re a morning person.” “Already met ‘morning Twilight’ I take it?” Spike says, sounding a little apologetic. “You’d expect twilight in the morning to be a bit sunny, but in reality it’s pretty dull and lifeless.” “You know I’m right here!” Twilight yells indignantly. “And your point being?” I ask. Why would I try to hide criticism from the target? “Uuuuugh...” “You know, I never got an answer. How strong’s that tea?” Twilight glares daggers at me. “Here, why don’t you find out!?” Next thing I know, I’m covered in boiling hot tea with an upturned kettle laying on my lap. “Holy crap that’s hot!” “Enjoy.” Twilight responded icily, heading for the kitchen, presumably to make more tea. I nudge Spike, grinning. "She totally digs me." Spike looks at me, a strange look on his face. He just shakes his head and returns to his cup. I decide to wash myself off. Luckily the sinks in Equestria function pretty much the same. Once I’ve cleaned myself of the hot beverage, I take a look in the mirror. It seems that with all the teleportations I was unprepared for yesterday, my hair is scorched black as opposed to the usual brown, and it’s much shorter than I remember, almost only a sliver atop my scalp. I also lack eyebrows. The strangest part was that my skin seems completely untouched. Strange. Maybe Celly healed me, but left me with the haircut for kicks. I decide to keep reading my book. If it weren’t for the fact that Indiana Jones probably didn’t exist here, I’d call it copyright infringement. If I was George Lucas, I’d be pissed. It wasn’t bad, but this Daring Do character is like a total ripoff. If she were real, I’d probably call her a phony. Anyway, I hear a knock at the door, and Spike goes over to answer it. Upon opening it, a pink blur I suppose is Pinkie Pie rushes in, and starts jumping up and down on top of my chest. Yep. Pinkie. “Good morning! Did you sleep well? I wanted to come over earlier but Twilight’s kinda grumpy in the morning so I waited! I can’t wait for your welcome party! Oh I forgot to tell you I planned a welcome party for you! I also invited a bunch of ponies so they can meet you! It’s at Sugarcube Corner of course! Wait you’ve never been to Sugarcube Corner before! Come on let’s go!” I am now being dragged by my arm at high speed. I don’t know how Pinkie can do anything like this, but at least it’s not being stuck inside the library with a grumpy Twilight. Eventually Pinkie starts to slow down and she pulls me to my feet. I realize I’m in front of the gingerbread shop again. Wait a sec. “Is this Sugarcube Nook?” “Corner. Sugarcube Corner. And you bet it is!” “Huh, small world. But why does it look like a gingerbread house?” “Because gingerbread houses are delicious! It helps to sell treats like cakes and pies and cupcakes!” “Why not make it look like a cake then? And why call it Sugarcube Corner? The name and outer design fit the sweets theme, but they are a bit misleading. I’d expect a place called Sugarcube Corner to be a sugar factory.” “Oh don’t worry about that, let’s party!” She pushes me through the door and into the bakery I was in less than five hours ago. Pinkie makes herself known in her usual manner: Loudly. “Mrs. Cake! I’m back, and I brought Anthony!” From the kitchen I hear the voice of the mare from earlier. “That’s great Pinkie, you’ve certainly been building up this mystery friend of yours.” She comes out of the back just like before. “I can’t wait to meet... oh.” I give a little wave. “Hey, how ya doing?” The mare sighs. “Why am I not surprised?”