Pound and Pumpkin landed on the ground by Twilight. Pound lifted his hoof, two fingers coming out of it just so he could snap them like Discord did. A stage appeared behind them.
“I have a killer idea,” Pound said contentedly. He glanced at Pumpkin, talking to her with his mind.
She got the same naughty grin on her face. “Oh, that is just perfect. Let’s do it.”
“Twilight, we need your help.”
“Oh, boy,” she said, letting out a strained breath. “What do you want me to do?”
“Nothing.”
“Huh? Then how am I supposed to help you?”
“You already are.”
“Huh?” She looked down at them perplexedly. They were both staring at her intensely, making her feel uncomfortable. “What are you doing?”
“Reading your mind,” said Pumpkin without a change in expression.
“Hey!” Twilight complained, hopping backward. “Get out of my brain. That’s very rude to go through my personal memories.”
Their faces grew slack. “Well, we can’t put on the play without it. I mean, we were just babies when you did a whole bunch of cool stuff,” said Pound.
"That's right," said Pumpkin. “We want to put on a history play, with our own spin on things.”
“History?” Twilight said, her eyes lighting up for a moment before she registered the second half of what she said. “With you own spin…?”
“Yeah.” Pound nodded. “We’re just looking for villains and stuff so we know what really went on back then.”
A bit of morbid curiosity overtook her. What were they planning to do with her memories leading up to her ascension? She glanced over at Fluttershy, knowing that she wanted her friend to have a good time and a good party. With those two elements combined she felt her reluctance slipping away. “Fine. I’ll let you see about all the bad forces we’ve had to deal with for your little play, but you keep yourselves out of anywhere else.”
They both nodded vigorously.
They went through the rest of the group, trying to see their different perspectives and even the enemies that weren’t world threatening until they felt they had enough information to proceed.
“Okay! And we’re done! Everyone take a seat!”
“Allow me!” said Discord, snapping his hoof. The ground opened up under each of the ponies, but they barely had the chance to let out a cry of shock before they were scooped up by chairs and placed right near the stage.
Scootaloo poked the padded chair. She was wary of anything involving Discord.
“This chair is soooo comfy,” Sweetie Belle said happily.
“And that’s exactly why I’m suspicious!” Scootaloo responded.
Discord chuckled. “I already told you. I’m not here to cause chaos today. From what little I’ve seen of these two this should be a show to remember, and I want you all to be comfortable while you watch. At least physically.” He chuckled again. “I don’t know what you’ll go through emotionally.”
Discord took a seat himself, but his was floating sideways, and he was sitting on its bottom. With another snap a small theater appeared over them, blocking out the natural light much like before. Several spotlights overtook the stage. “You’ve got the floor, kiddies. Don’t let me down.”
Pound and Pumpkin nodded, teleporting onto the stage. Getting rid of the other spotlights only the one focused on them remained.
“This is a history of Equestria, as told by Pound-”
“And Pumpkin!”
“We hope you enjoy it,” they said together, before floating up towards the wings and out of sight.
Cup Cake and Carrot Cake wondered what this was going to be about. They hoped the twins didn’t go too far.
Pound’s voice echoed through the room. “A long, long time ago there were two ponies. One was the princess of the day. Her name was Celestia.” A doll of Celestia appeared, and it was clear the twins were copying Discord’s style, as it was just as raggedy and sewn up as his doll of Fluttershy had been. Her horn glowed as a sun appeared, lighting up half the stage.
“Another was the princess of the night,” said Pumpkin, her voice also echoing and magnified. “Her name was Luna.” Luna appeared, and just like with her sister her horn glowed, the moon appearing.
“They were sisters, and the closest of friends.”
“Nothing could tear them apart.”
The sun and the moon grew closer together, creating a lunar eclipse.
Twilight found herself relaxed. This seemed pretty good so far. She found herself growing interested.
Discord, however, was feeling distinctly let down. This was dull as dirt.
“However…” Pound’s voice grew low and dramatic. “Things weren’t meant to last. The two sisters began to fight.”
***
“SUN!” yelled Celestia, raising the sun.
“MOON!” yelled Luna, raising the moon.
“Sun!”
“Moon!”
They both continued to shout at each other, days and nights seemingly passing in seconds. After a short while the two stopped, glaring at each other, before they both just laughed and hugged each other.
***
“And then…” Pumpkin’s voice mimicked her brothers. “There came the day when Luna did something unforgivable. Something Celestia couldn’t overlook.”
As Celestia’s and Luna’s castle manifested Twilight’s gut grew tense. She had seen the moment of Nightmare Moon’s birth and the ensuing fight herself through the potion Zecora had given her.
***
It was dark in whatever room they were in, although they could hear a pony rummaging through something, and then the sound of something like chewing.
Celestia’s horn glowed, lighting up a kitchen. With a yawn she said, “Princess Luna, you must lower the moon!”
Luna giggled. “I sure did. Right into my mouth. Moon pies are awesome.”
Celestia giggled as well as she opened the fridge. The laughter abruptly stopped. “Hey! What happened to that slice of cake I had in here?”
“I ate it, because I was hungry.”
“WHAT?” yelled Celestia, her rainbow mane turning completely red, a fiery aura surrounding her.
Luna suddenly turned into her alter ego. “I am Nightmare Moon, stealer of cake. MOHOHAHAHAHAH!”
“RRRAAAAHHH!” Celestia screamed in rage, and she made some ridiculous flips and acrobatic moves until she landed in front of Nightmare Moon. Her horn glowed, and the Elements of Harmony appeared above her, glowing brightly before a karate pony appeared out of their light, making judo noises before karate chopping her, sending her bouncing around the room, pinball noises echoing with each contact, before she was knocked to the moon.
***
Twilight just stared, her mouth agape. She couldn’t even formulate a coherent thought as to what she just witnessed. She could only imagine how they would change history in the rest of their play.
Discord was in stitches. THAT was more like it. Pinkie and Fluttershy were laughing along with him. Once they had gotten over their shock Applejack and Rainbow Dash joined in. Even Rarity let out a little chuckle.
“Well… that’s not in our history books,” Sweetie Belle said innocently, before she and her friends broke down as well.
Pound’s voice echoed over them again. “A long, long, LONG time passed, and now Celestia had a long, cake filled life ahead of her, and she didn’t have to share any of it.”
Twilight felt her body contracting. She didn’t know how much of this she would be able to take.
Discord snapped his claw. NOW he needed some popcorn. They truly didn’t disappoint.
“Celestia had a school for gifted unicorn children,” said Pumpkin, and the castle disappeared, a school replacing it.
Twilight knew she was about to make an appearance. She could only imagine how they would butcher her.
“There were some good ponies there, but none of them great. However, that all changed one day when a certain unicorn crossed her path.”
A little Twilight appeared, along with her parents, inside a house. Twilight was bouncing around, repeating the word “books” over and over.
Twilight groaned.
***
“Settle down, Twilight,” said her dad. When she stopped he said, “It’s almost your birthday. What do you want?”
“BOOKS!”
“And Hearth’s Warming is around the corner. What would you like?”
“BOOKS!”
Twilight’s mom nodded. “It’s lunchtime. You must be hungry. What would you like for lunch?”
“BOOKS!” She picked up a book and shoved it into her mouth, chewing it and swallowing it.
“You know, that’s not what we meant when we said we wanted you to take in knowledge.”
***
Everyone except Twilight was in stitches.
“Got you p-pegged pretty well. R-right, Twilight?” Rainbow said, wiping tears from her eyes.
“Hardy har har!” Twilight responded sarcastically, gripping the arms of the chair hard. The only solace she had was that her friends were likely to get the same treatment.
***
Twilight’s dad leaned over her. “We need to get you a hobby. We’re going to take you to school.” Twilight just stared at him. “There will be books there.”
“Books books books books books books books books books…”
***
“Save me,” Twilight said under her breath, slapping her hoof over her face.
The stage grew dim, and then when it lit back up Twilight and her parents were inside the school.
***
“Okay, then,” came a voice from one of the examiners. “If you want to get into this school you have to pass a test. To start with, can I get your name?”
“BOOKS!” came Twilight’s reply.
***
Everyone bursted out laughing again. The real Twilight pushed her hoof harder against her face. “Can I go home now?”
***
“Her name is Twilight Sparkle,” said her dad.
“Okay,” said the examiner. “Twilight Sparkle. If you pass this test you’ll be enrolled in this school, but it won’t be easy. Even if you do succeed it will mean a lot of study and hard work. You’ll really need to hit the books.”
Twilight became enveloped in a purple aura, her eyes glowing white. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKKKKKKKKSSSSSS!” The aura quickly exploded outward, reducing the school to rubble.
***
Laughter erupted through the room again.
***
The examiner just stared for a moment, coughing, shaking the dust off himself. “Um, okay then. You pass.”
“Yay! I’m just so happy. I get to train with the greatest pony ever.”
***
The real Twilight’s hoof slid off her face. “Oh, did I finally grow a personality?” she said flatly, resting her head on her hoof.
***
Princess Celestia teleported into the room. “Congratulations, Twilight. From now on you will be my personal student. This is solely for your sake, and not so I can just sit on my royal flank while you do all the work.” Her eyes derped. “Now, uh… you go study. I am so not just going to get more cake.”
***
Discord fell out of his seat. “This is priceless! Totally worth it.”
Twilight let out a heavy breath. “Why me?”
Everyone else was just having a good time.
“Years passed,” said Pumpkin, “and Twilight grew up. With her great intelligence and unquestionable talent she mastered spell after spell until a certain event happened.”
Twilight’s rocky expression cracked a little, enjoying the compliment.
***
Twilight and Celestia appeared in the throne room of the castle.
“Twilight, my faithful slave.”
“Yes, master?”
***
Twilight cringed, her small bit of happiness gone again.
Discord poofed back into his chair. “Oh, I have to see this.”
“We’re going to be appearing soon, I guess,” said Applejack.
“I wonder what we’re going to be like,” said Rainbow, grinning.
“Who knows?” said Pinkie. “But I bet it’s gonna be hilarious.”
***
“Twilight, I want you to go to Ponyville.”
“But WWWWHHHHYYYYY?” she whined.
“You spend too much time reading books and studying. Go make some friends.”
“I don’t wanna!” she complained, crossing her hooves. She crouched down, stalking her way toward a book on the floor before pouncing on it.
“No! No! Bad Twilight! No books!” A squirt bottle appeared, spraying Twilight several times.
Twilight hopped away with a hiss, her fur sticking up as she made swatting motions with her hoof.
***
Pinkie, Rainbow, and Applejack fell out of their chairs they were laughing so hard.
“And now I’m a cat,” Twilight said with a blank expression. “Because why not?”
***
Celestia lifted Twilight up, setting her in front of the throne. “You better go, or I promise I’ll take away your library privileges.”
Twilight gasped. “You wouldn’t dare!”
With a poof a small card appeared. “All I have to do is tear this in half, and you’ll never be able to check out a book again.”
“Friends!” she said brightly, getting an overly happy expression on her face. “I… love… friends! Bye!”
The castle disappeared, and then Twilight reappeared in Ponyville, mumbling under her breath. “…princess… lose my library card…”
Five ponies walked into view from the other side of the stage.
“Apples apples apples apples…”
“Speed speed speed speed…”
“Shy shy shy shy shy…”
“Fashion fashion fashion…”
“Parties parties parties parties…”
***
Twilight looked over at her friends, wondering how they felt about being portrayed so one-dimensionally. To her annoyance only Rarity seemed to have any issue, and it was likely it was only because her doll was ugly and tattered.
***
“Oh, they’ll do,” said Twilight. She walked over to them. “Hey, wanna be lifelong friends?”
“Parties?” said Pinkie.
“Whoa,” said Applejack. “Hold on there, Sugarcube. We just met ya.”
“I’ve got cookies,” Twilight responded.
They all glanced at each other. “BEST FRIENDS!” they said together, hugging Twilight.
“Let’s have a party!” said Pinkie.
The group appeared in the library, a party in full swing. Some were dancing, some played games, some were eating.
Pinkie took a book off a shelf. “Hmmm. ‘Moving the story along for dummies.’” Opening the book she said, “It says that things are going too easy. There needs to be something entertaining for this to be a good story. Also, it says you should check the big book on the bottom shelf over there, Twilight.”
“Okay!” said Twilight, taking out a book. “The Elements of Harmony. Big magic stones powered by friendship. Well, that’s incredibly cheesy.” She threw the book behind her, then realized what she had done and dived toward the falling book, everything going in slow motion, with a long, drawn out, “NNNOOOOOOOOOO!”
She missed it by a small margin, and it landed in a bobbing for apples tub. She fell to the ground, screaming to the sky. “WWWHHHHYYYYYYY?”
“Oh, that’s such a shame about your book,” said Fluttershy.
“Why don’t you just buy a new one, darling?” said Rarity.
“I don’t have any money!” Twilight cried, tears falling down her eyes.
“Hey, maybe those Element things are worth some money,” said Rainbow Dash. “We can get them and go sell them.”
Twilight’s head snapped toward Rainbow with a sound like rusty metal. She popped up. “Let’s do it!”
***
“Oh, forget my life,” said Twilight, hanging her head. “Sure. Why NOT just sell the Elements of Harmony, Equestria’s most powerful weapon, to get myself a new book?”
“Oh, lighten up, Twilight!” said Rainbow, nudging her. “This is gold!”
“Yeah, Twi,” said Applejack. “Just go with it. We all know that’s not the way things actually happened. Have some fun.”
Fluttershy didn’t look amused. “Oh, Twilight,” she said emotionally. “I hope this isn’t bothering you too much. I want everyone here to have a good time. Should I have them stop?”
Twilight shook her head, letting out a heavy breath. “No. I think I’ve adjusted now. As they said-” she shook her shoulders with a weary smile, “-it’s the history of Equestria with their own spin on it. It isn’t going to get any less ridiculous from here. I should just stop expecting anything more than the bare basics of truth of what happened.”
The stage grew dim, and Pound and Pumpkin appeared in front of her, looking bothered. “You’re not having fun, Twilight?” asked Pumpkin.
“We’re just messing around,” said Pound.
“No, no,” she replied. “It’s my fault. I forgot that you have Discord’s power and Pinkie Pie as a relative. This is exactly the sort of wacky, nonsensical stuff I should have expected.” She moved her hoof in a shooing motion. “Go on, then. Let’s see what kind of crazy hijinks we get up to defeat Nightmare Moon. I suppose we just bribed Luna to turn back to normal or something like that.” The twins continued to stare at her. “I’m serious, guys. I got the picture now. This just wasn’t what I was expecting when you mentioned doing a history play. Of course it would turn into a comedy.”
“Are you sure? We don’t want to upset anyone.”
“Yeah,” said Pumpkin. “We want to make everyone laugh.”
“Yes, I’m sure,” replied Twilight, patting their heads. “Make things as wacky and crazy as you want.”
“OKAY!” they replied, poofing away.
Twilight leaned back in her seat with a bit of anticipation, wondering what they'd come up with next.