//------------------------------// // Chapter 3 // Story: Refined Starlight in a Broken Vessel // by the-pieman //------------------------------// I feel awesome. So does Pinkie Pie, probably. We had a chance to bond while she took advantage of my temporary infinite supply of ice cream and we’ve just been sitting outside the big step-in freezer, gorging on tub after tub of whatever flavors we pull out. That pony can sure put it away. If I wasn’t watching her eat it with my own eyes, I’d swear she was stashing it somewhere. “Pinkie, you know what I love about this?” I say, laying on my back with Pinkie laying next to me in a similar fashion that is not as weird-looking as I’d imagine from a quadruped. “Everything?” She asks, smiling over at me. “Totally.” I agree in an almost inebriatedly relaxed manner We laugh for a while, but soon Pinkie Starts shivering. “So... cold... brrrrrr.” “Yeah, ice cream is cold, didn’t you know?” “Of c-course, silly, I just f- forgot.” “Hugs are warm.” Suddenly I am glomped by Pinkie, who is rather fuzzy, cushy, and warm despite her previous statement. All things considered, no complaints here. “So, what was with the glowing and the growing?” she asks, looking up from where she rests on my chest. “I don’t know how I grow, but I just can.” I look down at her in confusion. “As for the glowing, I don’t know what you mean.” “Oh yeah, you were asleep. You were asleep forever!” “Hey I like sleeping, is that a crime?” She shakes her head. “Nope!” “Good, otherwise I’d probably be a felon, and they’d throw me in prison.” “I’d break you out.” Pinkie says, matching my passive tone, but a playful smile betrays her poker-face. “How?” “I’d bake you a cake and hide something like a file in it.” “But if you get caught, you might get thrown in prison too.” “But if we get the same cell, it’d be like a sleep-over that never ends!” Her giant smile stretches all across her face and is infectious enough to make me grin as well, her attempt to keep an indifferent look similar to mine completely destroyed. I just lay back and wipe my chocolate-covered face on my shirt sleeve. “Hey Pinkie?” “Yeah?” “I like you, you don’t mind that I’m weird.” The glomp becomes a normal hug as she snuggles closer. “A’hm not... innerruptin’ nothin’, am ah?”  Applejack, can’t mistake that accent. I decide to respond in kind. “I reckon ya ain’t. ‘less yew wanna make somethin’ o’ this?” Applejack gives me an unamused face in response “Uh... nah, ah’m fine... Anyways, Twi told me to come get ya.” “Oh fine, I suppose I’ve eaten enough ice cream. Don’t wanna get a brain freeze.” “Speaking of, why aren’t you cold?” Pinkie asks. I shrug. “Dunno.” Really, I have no idea. Maybe I just ate it slower. I’m lead to a medium-sized sitting room outfitted like a study, cushions and such rather than more professional furniture but the walls are lined with shelves of books and... scrolls? Interesting. “Ah, there you are!” Twilight draws my attention and I see her laying on what seems like a small bedroll behind a short table, prepared with several inkwells and rolls of parchment. “You wanted to see me Twilight?” “Yes. There are a few... oddities I’d like to discuss, and hopefully have you answer some questions. You see, the princesses and I are the leading experts on the Elements of Harmony, but what you’ve done... it’s unheard of.” “Maybe they just didn’t speak loud enough?” “Anthony, please... I’m serious, this is big.” she looks concerned, but I’m not sure why. “You did something that shouldn’t be possible.” “Jeez Twi, loosen up.” my hands go up in a ‘don’t blame me’ gesture. “I just don’t have any point of reference, so I don’t fully understand which parts are important.” “Let’s start with the most confusing one. You’ve pulled off an amazing feat that not even the most powerful beings history has known could do.” “Oh. Wow.” The realization hits me and I sit down on one of the cushions, selecting what seems to be a beanbag chair of sorts, though more of a beanbag stool to my size. “That is pretty big, huh?” “And that’s not the strangest part.” “Huh?” What could be stranger than what she just described as an anomaly unseen in all of their history? “The princesses and I agree that technically speaking, with enough magical power, anything is possible. But during a test we took while you were unconscious we determined that you have a very odd thaumic signature.” “Thaumic... as in magical, right? I gave off... magic?” That’s really weird. “Uhhh, sort of. Anyways, we tried to get a read on your thaumic signature to understand what you may be capable of. Unfortunately we can’t really seem to identify some of your magical aspects. Not because of lack of training but... Well to put it bluntly, if whatever energy signatures you gave off are magical in nature, we’re unable to figure out what kind of magic they are. For all we can discern, you may not even use magic as we know it.” I’m not magic? No duh. Still, I have some unidentifiable form of energy or whatever? Weird. “So I’m pretty important, huh?” “I need more information, but it seems we’ll be unable to figure out much just by asking, since you confirm that this is a new development, right” “Yeah, this is all new to me.” “Can you grow again for me?” I concentrate on my size. Growing. Expanding. I imagine my body becoming massive. I open my eyes and I look down, seeing a much smaller Twilight. She looks up at me and back at her notes, scribbling frantically. “Say ‘Ah’ please.” “Huh?” “Close enough.” I hear her mumble something, but I can’t make it out. Whatever it is, it’s in her notes now. “You can go back to normal now.” I decide to oblige. Being so big is a bit disorienting. “I have...” She shuffles in place awkwardly. “another question.” “Ask away.” “Well... you’re wearing clothes...” She looks at me in confusion. “Yeah.” I’m not sure where this is g- “Well, could you take them off?” “Uh... I don’t think so.” “Why wouldn’t you be able to take them off?” Wow this pony is dense. “I mean I can but I’m not gonna, not for you, got it? I’m not into ponies, much less you." She looks at me in confusion. “What? What does that have to do with... well, anything?” she asks. “I’m not undressing, no way. Get your fapping material elsewhere, xenophile.” “What?!” she says, her head jerking back in surprise, her face a visage of utter confusion. “No, really, what?!” she sounds baffled... “Okay now that attempt is just dumb. Subject change, now. Ask a real question this time.” “Wait, wait... I’m confused here. Why are you talking like... that? All I asked was for you to take off your clothes? It’s a perfectly normal request!” she says, still looking baffled. “Well Twilight, how about I shave off your entire coat, and see how you stay warm?” Twilight looked indignant for a moment, and opened her mouth to retort. Then, her mouth closed, and a contemplative look fell over her face. “Well, why not take them off once you’re inside? It’s plenty warm enough in here, and it can’t be comfortable to sleep in them all the time.” “I don’t sleep in them, we have these things called ‘blankets’ for that.” I recall that they do indeed have blankets here, so I figured I’d just reinforce my reasons for not wearing clothes in bed. I find it rather discomforting. “We wear clothes not only to keep warm, but cover ourselves. It’s sort of like... we wish we had fur, but we don’t, so we substitute. Plus, we can’t exactly hide our reproductive organs the way most animals do, so not wearing anything at all would... let it all hang out, if you understand.” She looked confused for a moment, until Pinkie, who had been listening from the doorway, began to giggle in naughty amusement. Twilight’s eyes crossed and her cheeks went aflame as she realized what I meant. “Oh, that’s, uhm... oh.” Her eyes uncrossed, but her blush didn’t subside. I get a naughty grin. “But if you’re fine with me not wearing pants...” Her blush went even redder, and Pinkie’s giggling becomes loud laughter. Eventually the blushing and laughter subsides and Twilight seems ready to ask another question. “Well, wait. If all humans are like that, why wear them? I mean, it doesn’t make much sense really. If it’s all the same, generally, why would you need to hide anything?” I pause. “Honestly that has multiple answers. Some are better than others. Some say it’s because it’s less distracting when the parts aren’t in your face. Hard to think about your banking job when someone walks up and just happens to have seen a woman walk by and now he’s got a raging boner. On the other hand, some say the reason is because the first woman ate an apple or some shit like that.” She blinks. “Ate... an apple? What?” “Specifically a special apple from the... what was it... tree of Courage... no, wait, that’s the Triforce. Wisdom! Tree of Wisdom, that’s it!” “Wait, so you have to wear clothes because someone ate an apple of wisdom?” she asks, a touch incredulous. “Wait, you think I believe that crap? No. I do think that some people don’t have the control to get a hard-on just because there’s a woman several meters away with boobs, and an erection is hard to manage even with something to hide it.” “So... males of your species lack self control around your females? That’s a really big flaw of evolution.” she says, as if speaking to a kindergartener who tried designing an alien. “Yeah, we’re a pretty messed up species. Some say we evolved from the offspring of a pig and a monkey and I find that hilarious, but whatever the truth is, we seem to have an aversion to being naked. Again, I think it’s because we wish we had fur but we don’t.” “Yes, I get that, but as far as we know, you’re the first of your species on this planet, so if there aren’t any human females, you won’t have a problem right?” Huh, you know, she’s right. “Alright, fine, no harm I guess. But no touching, not until the third date, and that’s if you’re lucky.” Twilight rolls her eyes as I disrobe. “And would you say your proportions are average?” “For someone just entering their twenties, I’d say yes.” “Really? Everything?” “Yes everything. What, is my hair too short?” “Well, comparing only to pony averages... well, your hair too I suppose.” “If you’re trying to say something, say it.” Twilight just turns to her notes, but I hear some mumbles as she writes. “Proportions comparable to most primates; smaller and thinner, with odd shape.” Doesn’t she mean ‘shapes’? Unless... “Oh, really classy Sparkle, great, you gotta make up some shit about me having a weird tiny dick? That’s sad.” “I’m not making anything up. Unless it expands more than three-hundred percent, it’s much smaller proportionally than a stallion’s. I suppose if it works, that’s fine, but the comparison is perfectly reasonable.” she says, defending her stance and opinion. “It gets bigger! Not... that much bigger, but... bigger!” I grab my pants and put them back on, making absolutely sure I’m zipped and buttoned before going for my shirt. “How much bigger would you say?” “Dunno, never measured it.” “Could I-” “No!” “It’s just for science!” “No!” “Well just- wait, hold on, breakthrough!” She returns to a previous page and writes down something. I see that the page is labelled behavior. Her horn glows as she writes the next part, again mumbling. I feel kinda tingly. “Subject gets angry when substandard sexual capabilities mentioned.” Okay, that’s it! “Fuck you, Twilight! Fuck you sideways with a flaming grandfather cactus!” I’ve never really experienced this before but it must be what people refer to as ‘blind rage’. I must say, it’s brighter than I’d imagine. “Anthony, look!” Twilight has conjured a mirror in front of me. What I see is... astonishing. I’m glowing. Like, my body is just... glowing. A pale cyan aura, my visible skin now a sort of steel-gray... and partially see-through. I don’t have eyeballs, just spots of light, like stars planted in my head. I blink, and then I’m suddenly back to normal. My clothes didn’t seem damaged at all, and I don’t feel any different. The entire time, Twilight has been frantically taking notes, her quill a blur as she magically scribes what she saw. She’s already gone through one inkwell. Celestia and a pony in gold armor which couldn’t possibly protect against anything sharper than a butter knife walk in along with another bigger pony, this one a pretty midnight blue, her flowing, shimmering mane much more subdued than Celestia’s, but still just as incredible. I like it a lot better. There’s no mistaking it, this had to be Princess Luna. “Hello, princesses.” Twilight smiles widely. “I think I’ve made a breakthrough.” “I suppose so. Or at least made our new arrival very annoyed.” Luna began inspecting me, looking over my body as she levitates me closer to her with her magic. “And what a strange new arrival this is. I must admit, when my sister told me about you, I assumed she was exaggerating.” “Uh could you put me down, please?” “Oh of course, my apologies.” Luna takes a few more seconds to inspect me before releasing me from her magical grip. “So.” Twilight returned everyone’s attention to her. “This discovery I made was executed with the help of a spell on my part, so I’m not sure exactly how accurate my notes would be in a natural occurrence.” “Yeah, so what’s the spell? What’d you do to me?” “It was, er... an emotion spell. It temporarily enhanced your emotional reactions, so when you got angry, you got very angry.” “Never do that again. No more magic spells on me without letting me know what it does and why. Also, our ‘discussions’ never get mentioned to anyone ever. Ev-ver.” Celestia ponders for a moment. “I suppose that’s a reasonable request. Very well Anthony. Anyways, the reason why I’m here. With a guard.” Twilight immediately brightened at the chance to share her knowledge.”Well, I’m not sure how safely we can replicate the events that caused it, but-” “I started glowing.” Twilight was upset at the interruption. “Yes. He glowed.” I think she might be mad. “Anyhow, I took some notes-” “Obviously.” “Could you please stop interrupting me?” “Maybe for more ice cream.” Twilight let out a frustrated groan. “Just be quiet!” Suddenly, my mouth felt tingly. I checked it and my mouth felt fine. I ask what she did. Wait, no I don’t. I can’t speak! I gesture wildly at Twilight. “That was just to help things go a bit smoother. You will be able to talk once we are finished.” She can’t just... mute me whenever she wants to, that’s not fair! What about freedom of speech!? I stomp the floor repeatedly in anger. “My, I never would have guessed something this large would act like such a child.” Luna’s words stung. I pull up a chair and sit it the corner quietly. Not that I have much choice in the latter case. Twilight brings her notes out. “Now, as I was saying...” “This is quite interesting.” Luna muses. “And a bit strange. As trustworthy as you are, Twilight Sparkle, I must admit I am skeptical. I have not seen any evidence of this creature being much more than a large hairless monkey.” That’s it, she could be Princess of the whole fucking galaxy, but that was too far. I get up and walk towards Luna. Once I’m within arm’s reach, I give her a smile and flick her nose. Hard. “Agh! Impudent welp! I will give you one chance to apologize!” She is now holding me in her magical grasp once more. Apologize she says? But I can’t possibly do that with the muting spell Twilight has placed on me. I convey this by holding Luna’s ear up, and screaming into it with as much volume as I could muster. That is to say, none at all. “You have quite the nerve.” ‘And you use quite the shampoo’ is what I want to say, but obviously I make no sound. I raise my hands in a ‘bring it on’ motion, holding my fists in front of my face in an overly-exaggerated cartoonish manner. “Surely you jest.” Came her curt reply. I rush at her, a bit faster than she could react, and throw myself onto her, giving her a big hug and a noogie. Luna is not amused. “You are sure this creature is not the product of Discord’s antics?” “We checked the garden, he is still encased in stone. I assure you, sister, he is doing this of his own volition.” Luna pursed her lips. “How annoying.” I give her a kiss on the cheek and hop on top, riding her like, well, a horse. She immediately bucks me off, sending me into the wall behind her. It seems Twilight’s spell has worn off, because I actually make a sound with my reply. “Did anyone catch the number on that bus? It must’ve hit me with like, one horsepower. Maybe half that.” “I liked you better silent, but not by much.” Luna was fuming. I was having a blast. “And I liked you... hold on, lemme think.” “Spineless creature! Feel the wrath of your superior!” “Really? Chuck Norris is here!?” Since I spent my time making a retort, I don’t have time to move as Luna shoots a dark blue beam of magic my way. Oh, this is gonna hurt. I hold up my arms to protect my face, hoping I’d come out of the ordeal unaffected. And I do. I lower my arms tentatively, and I see Twilight and the princesses staring at me in shock, Luna with her mouth hanging open. “That’s it! That’s what happened when we used the Elements of Harmony on him!” Twilight says excitedly but worried. “I see it, but... I don’t believe it...” Luna was still completely shocked. “How could you possibly-?” Luna turns to Twilight. “Not even the Elements?” When Twilight nods, Luna sits down on her haunches, looking very perplexed. “That is quite the power you have, my little pony er, human.” Celestia blushes at her slip of the tongue. “Yeah, and I glow in the dark, too! Now I’ll save tons of money on flashlight batteries!” Luna still hadn’t said anything. She looked... completely defeated. It broke my heart to see anyone so sad. Especially her, for some reason. I was kind of a jerk. I kneel down and wrap my arms around her. “I know I seem like a pain, but I honestly don’t wish any ill on anyone. I just... I like to laugh, and usually I have to be my own source of humor.” Luna nodded, returning the hug. “You will need some instructions on what constitutes good humor... but I suppose  you are a decent being at the very least.” “We seem to have one matter unresolved, still.” We all look towards Celestia as she continues. “Where will Anthony be staying while here in Equestria?” Suddenly, a bright-pink blur rushes in, and is now in the center of the room, shaking in excitement. Pinkie Pie of course. “Can he stay in Ponyville with us!?” Pinkie was grinning like she shook a few screws loose when she made her mad dash. Not wasting any breath, if she even needed to breathe that is, Pinkie started on a mantra. “Can he? Can he? Can he? Can he? Can he? Can he? Can he? Can he? Can he? Can he? Can he? Can he? puh-leeeeeeeeeeeeease!?” “Well... I suppose that couldn’t hurt.” Celestia admitted. “Plus, getting some ponies to get to know him would probably benefit the populace. I fear strange rumors about a monster in Equestria may have already started to spread.” “Alright, I’ll stay in Ponyville.” Pinkie, overjoyed to hear this, starts saying something about a ‘Welcome Party’ a ‘giant cake’ and something about a rubber chicken. “On one condition.” Twilight facehooves and groaned. “Not more ice cream...” I feign astonishment. “Twilight Sparkle! I’m surprised you consider me to be of a one-track mind. I’m aware that there is more to life than frozen desserts. My condition was that I get to stay with you in your library.” “Wait, what?” Twilight was noticeably confused. “Why Golden Oaks?” “Because I like to read and if I live in a library, getting a book isn’t as hard as going outside.” “You are one of the strangest creatures I’ve ever met, Anthony.” Luna responded. “Awww, I love you too, Lu-lu!” “That... wasn’t necessarily a compliment...” “I know that, you silly pony. Hug time!” With that I squeeze Luna in a bear hug, Pinkie Pie jumping in between us to join in the hug. “So it’s settled. Anthony will be staying at the library with Twilight for the time being.” Celestia had moved us to a proper conference room, calling in the rest of Twilight’s friends. Nods and murmurs of agreement fill the room. “On the upside, I’ll be able to study you easier.” I turn to Twilight. “Upside? You imply that being in my extended presence could nonplus you in any way, shape or form?” “Yes. Yes I do.” Twilight deadpans in response. “What!?” I yell. I decide to accentuate this by increasing my size once more. In the much larger space of the meeting hall, I have the chance to become much larger than before as a result. I pick up Twilight, my frame making her about as large as my open palm. Twilight gulps as I hold her close to my face, eyes narrowed. I contract my fingers around her, making her fully aware I could squish her by simply making a fist. I bring her as close enough to my face that I can hear her shaking, ragged breathing, and give a harsh whisper of “I lick you.” “What?” Twilight confused once again. This is too easy. And fun. I do as I said I would, flicking my tongue out and sliding it along Twilight’s back, earning a disgusted exclamation from both Twilight and Rarity. I put Twilight down and return to my normal size, smacking my lips. “What the hay!?” “No, not hay. You taste more like raisins.” Unfortunately nobody here has heard ‘Amazing Horse’, making my comment another in-joke. “I again feel the need to check on Discord’s statue...” Luna speaks up once again. I get back in my seat, a guard bringing Twilight a towel. “So, who exactly is this Discord guy you all keep mentioning?”