//------------------------------//
// Chapter XXIII 
// Story: The Prince and the Workhorse 
// by fellstorm 
//------------------------------//


The Prince and the Workhorse


Part XXIII


Music echoed through the gilded halls of Canterlot Palace and rattled the glass in the windows of the royal apartments. Servants hovered nervously outside the grand double doors of Celestia’s inner sanctum, unsure if they should proceed with their daily chores, fearful of disturbing her. They could hear Celestia through the door, singing along to the lyrics.

This is a love attack, I know it went out but it’s back
It’s just like any fad: it retracts before impact
And just like fashion it’s a passion for the with it and hip
If you got the goods they’ll come and buy it just to stay in the clique

Clad in only her jim jams and tiara, Celestia bounced in rhythm to the music. The floor shook with the gyrations of her sizable frame and her mane spiraled behind her like the silken ribbons of a rhythmic gymnast.
She’d had a hi fidelity sound system installed in her chambers over three decades ago, back when shag carpeting and teakwood panels were in vogue. The bulky turntable and speakers clashed horribly with the elaborate, classical décor of her quarters. She’d always disdained the tacky thing and, since its installation, had maybe used it a hooffull of times, preferring instead the soft and dignified chamber music of her personal musicians.
However, she was in a spontaneous and celebratory mood that morning and, almost without thinking, found herself nosing through her extensive (albeit dusty) collection of LPs and throwing one on the player at random. Her good mood mingled with the music and it wasn’t long before she was singing and dancing along. In a ringing, gold and silver voice, she belted out the chorus:

So don’t delay, act now Supplies are running out
Allow if you’re still alive six to eight years to arrive
And if you follow there may be a tomorrow
But if the offer’s shunned,
You might as well be walkin’ on the sun!

Celestia did a little strut and turn to punctuate the last line.
“You’re uncharacteristically ebullient this morning.”
Celestia looked back over her shoulder, startled. She hadn’t heard Luna enter. Her sister strode in, trailing a small convoy of levitating breakfast trays.
“Oh, good morning, sister,” said Celestia, turning the music down with her magic “How was your night?”
“Exhausting. I thought you were going to meet me for breakfast,” said Luna.
“Sorry to keep you waiting. I guess I wasn’t watching the time.”
“Apparently not. So, why the dancing? A little Springtime Frolic after party?” Luna asked as she arrayed the breakfast trays on a nearby coffee table. Servants scampered in and took over what Luna began, scandalized that their mistresses should have to set their own table.
The breakfast table was ready on short order and the princesses took their places.
“Can’t a princess dance just for the sheer joy of living?” responded Celestia, taking a seat behind a small model of the Palace, carved in French toast and drenched in syrup.
“Hypothetically, I suppose. Is that why you were dancing?”
“Well, that and the Blueblood situation is taken care of,” Celestia smiled, holding up the communiqué she’d received from Cadence the previous night. Luna took it and read it.
“’It is done.’” She read aloud. She turned it over to see if there were more and found the other side blank “That’s all? What’s ‘done?’ What does that mean?”
Some were spellbound, some were hellbound, some they fell down…
Celestia explained the details of the plan she’d worked out with Shining Armor the previous night.
“Celestia Hurricane Platinum!” Luna gasped, “That’s monstrous!”
Celestia squeaked her affront.
“Don’t middle name me, Luna Cookie Platinum! No monster, I! I assure you I acted for the best. Blueblood had it coming.”
“’Had it coming?’ How so? Sure, he’s a preening dilettante, but I’ve never seen him do anything bad.”
“Chuh, as if this isn’t bad enough. No, he’s doing this to get back at me for scolding him. He knows how much Twilight means to me and he concocted this romance as revenge.”
“Blueblood, a schemer?”
“Don’t be fooled by his bumbling exterior. He’s devious.”
Luna looked incredulous.
“Devious? Are you suggesting that Blueblood is pulling a Claudius?”
“Well, maybe not devious…”
“The same Blueblood that last Hearthswarming’s day got drunk on eggnog and got his head stuck between the banisters on the staircase in the great hall?”
“Well…”
“And then again later that day?”
“All part of the act…”
“The same Blueblood that entered the royal court one day in a Hawaiian shirt and flip flops because he thought it was ‘casual Friday?’”
“Um…”
“And it was Wednesday?”
“Point taken, Luna!” Celestia huffed.
Luna looked smug. Celestia sighed.
 “Luna, I appreciate your tenderness toward Blueblood. I know his great great great great great great and so on grandfather was your favorite nephew and a great pony in his own right, but they’re nothing alike. You’ve known Blueblood for what… three years? I’ve known him since he was a foal. Trust me, he’s not worth your sympathy,” said Celestia.
“You’ve known him since he was a foal, and yet stood idly by while he’s become the colt that he is? Maybe you should be asking yourself why you didn’t raise him up better.”
“I’m not his parents!”
“No, but you have been an influential figure in his life. What have you contributed to his upbringing, apart from your disdain?”
Celestia was flustered now. She soothed the ruffled feathers on her wings and took some calming breaths.
“We can discuss my shortcomings as a role-model some other time. The point is that now Blueblood is not the sort I want consorting with my prized pupil.”
“Of course. A bad boyfriend is too traumatizing for your precious protégé, much better that she learn to loathe and distrust all stallions. What sort of lesson is that?”
“I hardly think-”
“You told me yourself that Twilight is a fountainhead of untold power. It’s imperative that she be instilled with a love and appreciation for all life, and here you’ve gone and planted in her the seeds of hatred.”
That gave Celestia pause.
“What will happen when those seeds come to bloom, and those powers of hers are turned to some twisted purpose?” Luna continued.
Celestia gave it some thought.
“Perhaps I should pay her a visit after breakfast. Spend some girl time with her. Ensure the lessons she takes away from this are positive…” she said.
“What will you tell her when she asks how you knew to come?”
As if answering her question, a cloud of smoke coalesced out of the air and unburned into a scroll with a flash of green flame. Celestia caught it before it fell on her French toast palace.
“Dear Princess Celestia, something bad happened to Twilight last night and she won’t stop crying, what should I do? Your faithful servant, Spike.” Celestia read aloud.
The note was scrawled in a trembling hand that bespoke a kind of desperate urgency. Celestia hissed softly through her teeth. Luna’s expression practically shouted I told you so! in the Royal Canterlot Voice.
“Maybe I should grab something to eat on the road…” suggested Celestia.
“I’m coming, too,” Luna stood “To make sure you don’t mess up comforting her like you messed up rescuing her.”
Celestia frowned but didn’t object. She donned her royal panoply and the sisters departed out the window for Ponyville, leaving the servants to debate whether or not to tell Gustav that his latest breakfast masterpiece had gone to waste.


***

Applejack and Rainbow Dash slept curled up against each other in Applejack’s bed with Applejack as the big spoon, her face buried in Rainbow’s mane. The rising sun crept up their bodies and warmed their faces. It tickled Applejack’s nose and she sneezed messily into the back of Rainbow’s head. Rainbow flicked her ears, but slumbered on. It had been an exhausting night and after returning home from the hospital, the two barely had the energy to do anything but crawl into bed together and enjoy the warmth of each other’s bodies. Rainbow’s face was still mottled purple with bruises, but the swelling had gone down and in the golden light of dawn, she looked almost picturesque.
“Applejack! Applejack wake up!” Applebloom rushed into the room, her little hooves clattering on the wooden floor. She leaped into the bed, landing right on Applejack’s legs.
“Ow! OW!” Applejack yelped “Tarnation, Applebloom! The barn’d better be on fire!”
Rainbow Dash awoke with a snort. A glistening rope of saliva tethered her face to the pillow.
“Who’s on fire?” she blinked. She noticed Applebloom and jerked the covers up to cover her bare torso.
Applebloom either didn’t notice or didn’t care about Rainbow Dash. She danced on the bed, looking anxiously over her shoulder.
“Applebloom, whut’s wrong?” asked Applejack.
“It’s Big Macintosh, he’s gone crazy! He’s smashin’ all the Prince’s stuff!” she exclaimed.
To punctuate her statement, a muffled crash reverberated through the floor.
Applejack shook the grogginess out of her head and rolled out of bed. Rainbow Dash grumbled and stretched before hopping out after her.
“Good mornin’ Rainbow Dash.” said Applebloom “Did you and Applejack have a nice slumber party?”
“Uh… yeah. Yeah!” Rainbow smiled.
Applejack grabbed her hat and trotted down the stairs. Rainbow Dash and Applebloom followed close behind.


***

“Blueblood, stop this!” Big Macintosh and Tombs stood well back as Blueblood vented his frustrations on the pile of royal luggage that stood, still mostly unopened, in the back corner of the barn.
“Why should I?” yelled Blueblood “These are my things! I’ll do what I want with them while they’re still mine!”
“Sire, control yourself!” pleaded Tombs, looking as dignified as he could while still clad in his bathrobe.
“You’ve taken my body from me!” shouted Blueblood, kicking over a large steamer trunk that struck the barn floor with a loud crash and tinkle of glass.
“You’ve taken Eulalie from me!” he kicked a traveling wardrobe open and started flinging suits out onto the ground with his teeth. Tombs inched in to try and retrieve them, but Blueblood stomped and chased him back to the doorway where Big Macintosh stood.
“You’ve even taken my valet from me!” he shouted “So, why not take everything?”
He dumped a case of fine china onto the ground.
“You. Can. Have. My. Plates. And. Cups,” he punctuated each word with a stomp and crunch of china. Tombs had to look away. It was too gruesome.
“You can have my clothes,” he bit the lapel of a white dinner jacket and tore it open along the seams.
“You can have my crown!” he barked, removing his ceremonial coronet from its case and punting it like a football across the barn where it vanished behind a haystack.
“Big Macintosh, what’s gotten into you?” Applejack pushed her way out from between Big Mac and Tombs. Rainbow Dash and Applebloom hung back, watching from inside the kitchen.
“Maybe you should ask Big Macintosh who he’s gotten into!” yelled Blueblood, pointing at Big Mac.
“Big Mac, that don’t make a lick of sense,” Applejack scowled.
“Sorry, sis,” sighed Big Mac. Applejack whipped around, startled.
“Whu’d you call me?”
Big Mac hung his head.
“Sis, there’s some things Ah gotta tell ya about…”


***

Big Mac and Blueblood finished their story while Tombs served everybody a calming chamomile tea. Applebloom had been sent upstairs, but she peeked down from the landing, craning her neck to see through the halfway-open kitchen door. Applejack sat, staring straight ahead while her tea got cold in front of her. Rainbow Dash jiggled her hoof nervously against the tile. Takatakatakatakatakatakataka.
The pause in conversation got too intense for her.
“So let me get this straight…” said Rainbow Dash “You’ve been in each others’ bodies the whole time?”
“Eeyup,” answered Big Mac.
“Precisely,” answered Blueblood.
Applejack and Rainbow regarded the two of them in stunned silence.
“Even when I…”
“Eeyup,” nodded Big Mac. He cast a worried look in Applejack’s direction. She hadn’t spoken since the conclusion of their story and was looking a little shell-shocked.
Applejack’s mind raced through all the times in the past month where a hug with her “brother” had lasted slightly longer than was comfortable. She looked up at Blueblood. He smiled sheepishly back at her. She went back to looking straight ahead.
“Ah’m really sorry, AJ,” said Big Mac.
It was so strange to hear his words in Blueblood’s voice.
On some level, Applejack had suspected all along, but the logical part of her brain couldn’t admit it was possible. Something in the tone of voice, the body language, the gait suggested familiarity whenever she interacted with “Blueblood.” Meanwhile, her relationship with her “brother” had grown progressively more awkward and distant. She thought it was only natural that a gulf would start to develop between them since he’d started dating. Family was the most important thing in the world, but it wasn’t the only thing. She’d backed off and given him space, told herself that she only disapproved of Eulalie because of petty jealousy, that her brother was only acting strange because he was trying to impress his new girlfriend. The real truth hit her like a ton of bricks.
 Rainbow Dash was still full of nervous energy. Takatakatakatakatakatakataka.
“So you did all this so that you could get Twilight to like you?” she asked.
“Eeyup.”
“Why go through all this trouble only to cheat on her!?” she threw up her hooves.
Big Mac looked down at his hooves.
“Ah… Ah don’t know,” he answered.
Tombs cleared his throat. Everypony cast a weary glance in his direction.
“Sir, if I might take the liberty, I’m not entirely certain you did cheat on miss Sparkle, at least not knowingly.”
 “Chuh, I think it’s pretty obvious that he did! Everypony saw them!” Rainbow scoffed.
“Yes, but from his description of his impression of events, I suspect he wasn’t acting of his own free will,” explained Tombs.
“What do you mean?” asked Blueblood, leaning in.
“The Springtime Frolic has a well-established reputation for debauchery and hedonistic behavior. It’s not totally unbelievable that somepony might have surreptitiously slipped mister Macintosh some psychoactive substance. He was acting ‘under the influence’ as it were.”
“So… so maybe Eulalie was under the influence as well?” asked Blueblood. Hopeful. Desperate.
Tombs coughed.
“I cannot elucidate on that matter…” he said, delicately.
“You really think it was drugs?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“Or sorcery,” answered Tombs “Though I can only think of a handful of ponies capable of casting such a spell…”
Or only one.
Applejack finally started to ease out of her stupor.
“So…” she started. Everypony turned to look at her.
“So… when are you two switchin’ back?” she asked.
Big Mac, Blueblood and Tombs all hung their heads.
“We don’t know how to switch back,” said Blueblood.
“You mean, yer gonna be stuck like this forever?”
Nopony answered.
Once again, Rainbow’s impatience goaded her into speaking.
“So you’re just gonna give up?” she asked “Have you tried just taking off the horseshoes?”
“Yes, but it seems that no amount of force can remove them,” answered Tombs, shaking his head.
“What about magic?”
Tombs shook his head again.
“The spell on the horseshoes is very ancient and very powerful. The older a spell is, the deeper it digs itself into the object it occupies. Judging from the legend, I’d say they even predate Princess Celestia. Even if the spell could be overpowered, the consequences of doing so would be severe.”
“How severe?”
“Potentially fatal.”
There was a long and sober silence.
“I bet Twilight could break it!” Applebloom darted into the kitchen.
“Applebloom, Ah told you to wait in yer room!” Applejack scolded.
“No!” she squeaked “Big Macintosh is mah brother, too! Ah don’t want to be sister with some smelly ol’ prince!”
Blueblood huffed.
“Ah’m still yer brother, Applebloom,” said Big Mac.
Applebloom’s eyes filled with tears.
“Can’t you please switch back? Twilight kin do it, Ah know she can! Just ask her!”
“I don’t think Twilight’s in the mood to talk to me,” sighed Big Mac.
Applejack stood up.
“Well, she’ll talk to me. Ah want mah brother back!”
Applejack marched out the door, everypony else got up and followed.


***

Knock knock knock!
Applejack pounded on the door to the library. Everypony else crowded around behind, using her as a shield.
The door opened with a spark and buzz of magic.
“Thank goodness, Twi, Ah-”
“Oh, Applejack, how good to see you!” Cadence smiled. She looked past her at Big Macintosh and her smile soured instantly.
“Yer majesty, mah brother and Prince Blueblood need Twilight’s help, it’s urgent.”
“I’m afraid Twilight isn’t really in a condition to help anypony at the moment, and certainly not my cousin.”
Twilight’s tearful sobs drifted around her from inside the library.
Big Mac stepped forward. Cadence drew back as if overpowered by some distasteful odor.
“Princess, Ah know Ah’m not the most popular pig in the poke right now, but if you’d hear me out-”
“Who’s at the door?” asked a voice, all milk and honey.
Cadence stepped aside and suddenly Big Mac was face to chest with Princess Celestia. She filled the doorway and then some. Her glorious, ever flowing mane billowed around her like a pastel halo. Big Mac saw his face reflected a dozen times in the facets of the tangerine-sized amethyst she wore on her golden yoke. The perfume of her coat and mane filled his nostrils. The smell was overpowering and intense, like a blood-red field of a million million roses. Like the strange air of an alien sky. He’d always believed in her otherworldly divinity but, for the first time in his life, he felt it.
“P-p-p-p…” he stammered.
“You don’t belong here,” she told him.
Big Mac’s legs turned him around and started walking away before his brain even caught up with the words. Applejack stopped him.
“Please, yer majesty. It’s important that mah brother see Twilight,” she said.
Celestia nodded.
“Of course, I have no objection to Big Macintosh coming to visit Twilight, though I caution him that she’s in a very delicate state right now, and I will not be pleased if he says or does anything to upset her.”
“Thank you, Princess,” said Applejack “Go ahead, Big Mac.”
Big Mac turned around and started walking back toward the door. Celestia didn’t step aside. She raised an eyebrow, incredulous.
“Applejack, I said Big Macintosh could come in, not prince Blueblood.”
“Yer majesty, this is Big Macintosh,” Applejack gestured to the white unicorn standing next to her. Big Mac smiled.
 “Applejack, I’m in no mood for practical jokes,” Celestia frowned.
“It’s no joke, Princess. Please.”
Applejack’s voice was so earnest and her eyes so desperate, Celestia couldn’t help but sympathize. She stepped aside.
Big Mac and the rest of the group entered. Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and Rarity were already there commiserating with Twilight. They sat in a circle around her with Shining Armor and Princess Luna. Several half-empty cartons of ice-cream lay scattered about the floor, along with a small mountain of wet and wadded Kleenex. Twilight sobbed and honked her nose into another one, crumpling it and adding it to the growing pile.
Shining Armor was the first to notice Big Macintosh. He leaped to his feet.
“What is he doing here?” he demanded.
Spike leaped up next to him and growled, swiping his pinlike claws in Big Mac’s direction.
“I think that’s what we’re all about to find out,” said Celestia, marching over and taking her place next to Shining Armor. The others stood, too. A wall of accusing eyes and scowling faces.
Big Mac cleared his throat.
“Twilight,” he began, trying to see around Celestia’s billowing mane.
“Go away!” Twilight sobbed “I don’t want to see you!”
Big Mac faltered. Shining Armor snorted.
“I think we’ve stood for this long enough. Get out!” he commanded, pawing at the ground.
Luna raised her hoof across his chest.
“No, let’s hear him out,” she said.
Shining Armor snorted again.
“Very well, Blueblood. We shall hear you out, then throw you out.”
Big Macintosh took a deep breath.
“Okay,” he said “Twilight, I haven’t been honest with you and you deserve to know the truth.”
“That much is obvious!” interrupted Shining Armor.
Luna shushed him.
“Ah know you think you’ve been dating some sophisticated prince all this time, but really, I’m just some nopony who’s not worthy to kiss your hooves.”
Twilight’s sobbing stopped. Did the silence mean she was listening? He could only hope.
“The truth is I’ve been lying to you all along. I’ve been lying to myself. I thought that if I looked the part of a handsome prince, I’d be good enough for you, but you can’t love someone with a lie. I thought becoming prince Blueblood would bring me closer to you, but every time I hid who I was, I was only driving myself further away. Twilight, I didn’t mean for any of this to happen and I certainly didn’t mean to hurt you. Maybe it’s too late for the truth, but here it is anyway: Prince Blueblood didn’t cheat on you, I did.”
His accusers exchanged confused looks.
“What the hoof is this, Blueblood?” Twilight growled through hot tears and snotty nose. The wall of anger parted. Twilight lay on her side in the middle of the floor, glaring at him from behind another soaking tissue.
“I’m trying to tell you that the pony you fell in love with didn’t cheat on you. I’m Big Macintosh. I have been all along.”
“What?” Cadence exclaimed.
“Please, I’ve spent weeks with you! If there were a spell on you, I would have sensed it. Any unicorn could!”
“I can’t explain it, I just know it’s true.”
Big Mac was nearly drowned in a flood of angry questions and accusations. Do you really expect us to believe that? How is this possible? Who the hell do you think you are? Get out! Ridiculous! Um… if that’s okay with you…
“BE STILL!” Luna’s Royal Canterlot Voice shook the tree and jarred books from their shelves.
Everypony spent a few seconds shaking the tinnitus out of their eardrums as Luna stepped forward.
“There’s an easy way to see if he’s telling the truth,” said Luna. She turned to Twilight.
“Twilight, do you have a thaumascope?” she asked.
“A little one,” answered Twilight, her scientific curiosity flickering to life in the darkness of her misery.
“Perhaps it will be sufficient,” nodded Luna.
Everypony followed Twilight into the basement, a broad room capped by a dome of soil and roots. The loamy smell of living earth mingled with the harsh and acrid stench of chemicals and electricity. Twilight had a laboratory set up there, with many bubbling phials and flasks filled with colorful liquid. A Jacob’s ladder arced loudly in the corner while a seismograph ticked away, unspooling graph paper into a small basket on the ground. An oversized plush alligator hung from the ceiling, regarding the proceedings below with stupid, glass eyes.
Twilight pushed aside some boxes of Hearthswarming decorations and wheeled out her thaumascope. A clumsy looking apparatus consisting of many lenses of different colored glass mounted on an articulated frame.
“If there is a spell on you that we’re somehow not sensing, the thaumascope will give us a good look at it,” said Twilight.
She led Big Mac to a clear spot in front of the thaumascope and adjusted the lenses to put him in focus. Everypony gathered behind her to watch the results. Twilight flicked a switch and the lenses buzzed to life, converting radiant magical energy into visible light.
Through the thaumascope, Big Mac’s body emanated a faint bluish glow that was strongest in his heart and horn. Twilight, Celestia, Luna and Cadence all shook their heads, prompting the others to murmur anxiously.
“There’s nothing there but your natural magic,” frowned Cadence “You’ve wasted all our time with your lies.”
“Wait,” said Blueblood “Check his hooves.”
Twilight rolled her eyes, but allowed Big Mac to step closer to the machine and hold up his forehoof with the golden horseshoe. Twilight peered at the lenses and frowned.
“There might be something there…” she mumbled, adjusting the magnification. Everypony leaned in for a closer look.
The crystal lenses came into focus and Big Mac’s horseshoe was enlarged several times in the glass. The horseshoe, at first dim and lifeless, suddenly flickered with a deep purple light. Twilight gasped. Writhing arcs of energy crawled over the horseshoe like a nest of maggots, swimming through the gold like water.
“This is the most tightly woven spell I’ve ever seen!” exclaimed Twilight, her eyes dancing across the glass “No wonder I couldn’t feel it, the radiant energy loss is almost nil. It would be invisible next to your own biomagical field!”
Twilight looked up from the thaumascope at Big Macintosh, seeing him as if for the first time. Big Macintosh broke into a smile of deep relief. Blueblood let out the breath he was holding and Rainbow Dash rubbed Applejack’s leg.
Twilight didn’t contribute to the sudden rise in the room’s average mood.
“What are you smiling about?” she chided Big Mac “All this means is the love of my life turned out to be a cheater and a liar!”
Big Mac took a step back.
“As far as I’m concerned, you deserve to be stuck like this!” said Twilight.
Since the thaumascope had revealed the body swap spell, Cadence and Shining Armor had been exchanging nervous glances with one another, and their consciences got the better of both of them.
“Uh, Twilie…” said Shining Armor.
“What?” Twilight whirled on him.
“Blueblood… I mean… Big Macintosh… might not have cheated on you…” Cadence grinned sheepishly.
“What?”
They explained.
Twilight looked like she was going to explode. Then she did.
“WHAT? HOW COULD YOU!? HOW DARE YOU!” she screamed at Cadence “YOU STUPID, SELFISH BITCH!”
“Whoa, Twilie,” Shining Armor stepped forward.
“No! No ‘whoa Twilie’ me! I will not ‘whoa Twilie!’ You put her up to this! You jerk! I can’t believe that you would take it upon yourself, you… you had no right!”
“We only wanted to protect you,” Cadence pleaded.
“Protect my ass!” Twilight stomped her hooves.
“Twilight, calm yourself,” Celestia stepped forward now, placing a gentle hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. Twilight bit back the next string of insults she wanted to hurl at her brother and looked up at her Princess, dumb with anger and hurt.
“Twilight, please don’t look too harshly on the actions of your family. What they did, they did at my behest. If you would be mad at anypony, be mad at me…” Celestia looked down at Twilight, her eyes full of honesty and repentance.
“You, Princess?” Twilight backed away from her touch, as if Celestia’s hoof were suddenly red hot. Her head was spinning. She’d been too angry, too sad, too happy, too terrified in the past twenty four hours than anypony should be. Her chest felt hot, like hear heart was suddenly pumping burning magma instead of blood. It was all just… just…
Twilight giggled.
“Twilight?” Luna stepped forward, concerned “Are you alright?”
“No, yeah, no,” she laughed “It’s funny, that’s okay, really.”
Twilight looked around the room. Her friends, her brother, her sister, her teacher, her boyfriend. Liars. Liars! Liars!
“So I’ve just been dating my best friend’s brother in the body of a prince that he took to fool me into getting into bed with him and my teacher, the mare who was practically a second mother to me, mind you, colluded with my brother and my favorite foal-sitter to cast a spell so that he would cheat on me to spare me the pain of being cheated on,” she giggled again, a manic grin creeping across her features.
“Uh, Twilight… you’re scaring me…” squeaked Fluttershy, retreating behind her lemonade pink mane.
“Yeah, you’re acting kinda weird,” observed Pinkie Pie.
Twilight smirked.
“Sooooooooooo, while we’re airing our dirty laundry, anyone else I love have a secret they’ve been keeping from me?” her gaze darted wildly around “Spike?”
“Ah!”Spike yelped.
“Are you stealing money out of my dresser?” she asked, grinning. She didn’t wait for his response, instead whirling on Rarity.
“Rarity, when you measure me for a new dress, are you really copping a feel?”
Rarity gasped. Twilight kept looking for new targets.
“Pinkie Pie? Applejack? Rainbow Dash? Chime in, I’m all ears!”
Celestia stepped forward.
“Twilight, I know this is stressful for you, but I think that’s enough acting out. You obviously need rest.”
“Of course! Of course! The mare who conspired with my brother to bewitch her own nephew into cheating on her ‘favorite student’ knows best! That’s just… that’s just…” Twilight stammered. She felt feverish. Her soul felt too big for her skin, like she was suffocated, constrained by her own body. She couldn’t breathe. Her… thoughts… couldn’t breathe. Something inside her was asleep, but it was stirring.
“Twilight?” Luna made ready to catch her if she fainted.
Twilight’s inner eye opened.
A pulse of white light burst from Twilight’s body, shattering her laboratory and slamming everypony into the walls. The ceiling shook and the tree threatened to come down on top of them.
Celestia and Luna were on their feet first, Cadence rose and stood beside them.
“What’s happening?” asked Cadence, shouting over the maelstrom of wind and fire that whirled around Twilight Sparkle. Chunks of equipment and shards of glass were sucked into the tempest and whirled around Twilight in a ragged tornado.
“Remember I told you that Twilight was ‘anything but a regular old unicorn’ and charged you with keeping her safe?” said Celestia.
“Yes,” answered Cadence.
“Well, that might have been a slight understatement.”
“How much of an understatement?”
In answer, Celestia pointed to the center of the whirling, glowing mass where Twilight hung suspended in midair like a puppet. Her eyes blazed with white light. Magical energy arced over her body, enveloping her like a cocoon.
“Princess, what’s happening?” Shining Armor was on his feet, he joined the princesses huddled in the corner of the lab.
“The sleeper has awakened,” said Celestia.
“What does that mean?” Shining Armor turned to Cadence for answers. Nopony acknowledged him. They were all watching Twilight.
Twilight’s body started to change. Her legs were stretching, her horn lengthened and grew, tiny buds of wings pricked at her side like goose pimples before erupting into broad fans of purple feathers.
“Twilight was a nascent alicorn!?” Cadence exclaimed.
“Sister, what the hoof?” Luna shouted over the sturm and drang of Twilight’s transformation. “Your solution to the problem of alicorns being too powerful was to create another alicorn!?” 
Celestia smiled sheepishly.
“Well, she wouldn’t be an alicorn all the time, only…”
“ONLY WHAT?” shouted Luna, the whistle of the tornado deafening now. She had to use the Royal Canterlot Voice to be heard.
The storm vanished. The silence set on them so fast it seemed even louder than the hurricane.
“Only when she needed to kill one of us…” finished Celestia.
Twilight’s head whipped around and fixed them with her glowing gaze. Heat distortion rippled off her body and excess energy boiled from her eye sockets. The air vibrated with a deep bass thrum that rattled their bones.
“Oh-” started Luna.
“-Shit,” finished Cadence. Her pupils narrowed to pinpoints.
As if responding to some unspoken consensus, the three princesses touched their horns to Shining Armor’s as he ignited his shield spell.
The room burst into flames.
Twilight’s attack was like the breakers of a dark and angry sea smashing against a cliff. Magical energy poured off the shield in torrents, flooding the room. Twilight’s friends caught outside the shield found themselves lifted bodily from the ground and tossed into the air like so many dandelion seeds. Magical energy arced through them and around them, piercing the soil and climbing up through the tree.
Twilight poured on her assault. Light buffeted against the shield and rolled off like water. Broad-spectrum magic scattered in all directions. For miles around, ponies found themselves levitated, transformed into potted plants, small woodland creatures, and decorative cuckoo-clocks. Princes popped out of frogs like popcorn, piling up on each other in heaps. The landscape twisted and warped as the Library rocked on its foundations, light pouring from every window and crevice.
Shining Armor wasn’t aware of anything except the sound of his own screaming and the force that was pouring through his horn into the shield. He was already pumping out more energy than it took to enclose all of Canterlot and condensing it into a sphere only a few yards across. The bubble was still starting to fracture.
“Tombs!” Blueblood shouted across the three foot gulf in the air where his valet hovered.
Tombs looked over.
“I’m sorry for being such a douchebag,” said Blueblood.
Tombs nodded.
“It’s been an honor serving with you, sire.”
“Ah guess this is it…” said Applejack.
“I guess so…” Rainbow Dash took Applejack’s hoof in hers. They shared a long, passionate kiss until a stray bolt of magic cut through the air and slammed Rainbow Dash into the wall.
“Rainbow!” Applejack yelled.
Across the room, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy gripped each other and cried into each other’s manes.
“Pinkie Pie, if I don’t make it out of this, please feed my animals.”
“Of course,” nodded Pinkie.
“Do you have any regrets?” asked Fluttershy.
“If I could do it all over again, I would have thrown more parties,” said Pinkie.
Fluttershy nodded.
Rarity flailed her legs and tried to swim in the air to escape from the dancing energy flying off Twilight. Spike drifted next to her.
“Uh, Rarity,” said Spike, his eyes welling up with tears “I just want you to know, I’ve always sort of had a crus-”
Rarity blocked his mouth with her hoof.
“Yes, dear, you told me that already. I’m so touched but I’m busy posing to be a beautiful corpse right now and I need you to go and be… over there…” she batted him away so that he drifted off into a far corner of the room, then proceeded to swoon in the air and fling her hoof over her head. She gave up a cry to the heavens. Her eyes rolled back into her head, and she was still.
Spike wiped tears from his eyes.
“She was too beautiful for this sinful earth,” he whimpered.
After several seconds, Rarity opened one eye and peeked out to see how her death had gone over with the audience. Everypony was too busy with their own problems to notice her.
Big Macintosh didn’t have anypony nearby to tie up loose ends with him. There was only one pony with whom he wanted to share the final moments of his life, even if those final moments were her killing him. With great effort, he managed to drag himself across the floor towards Twilight.
“Big Mac, don’t do it, yer crazy!” yelled Applejack.
“I love you, sis,” he yelled back.
Inch by inch, he crawled to Twilight. Magic tore through his body. It felt like every hair of him were on fire. His body twisted and melted as if made of wax, but as long as he had legs, he would carry himself to her. 
Inside the bubble, the Princesses and Shining Armor cowered as a growing spiderweb of cracks traced itself across the surface of their shield.
Big Mac pulled himself up level with Twilight’s face. She was as tall as he was, now. her long legs slim and graceful as maple boughs. Her face longer, slimmer, more mature and ageless beyond time. If she saw him, there was no way to tell. She’d focused all her power against Shining Armor’s shield, a blazing white stream of energy that blasted from her lengthy horn.
“I’m sorry, Twilight. I love you,” he said. He threw his forehooves around her neck and kissed her on the lips.
His body evaporated.
Everything was white.
Presently sound returned, then feeling, then sight.
The basement was there. Twilight’s friends rose from beneath piles of pulverized lab equipment and shook themselves, checking all their bits to make sure they were still there.
“Big Macintosh?” Twilight blinked. Still an alicorn, but her pupils and irises were back.
Big Mac looked down at his body. His red fur, his dirty blonde mane, his green-apple cutie mark. It was all back! He felt a pop and sudden heat under his hoof and jumped back. The golden horseshoe glowed white hot on the ground, sizzling in the dirt. It dimmed as they watched, finally cooling to its normal, lustrous gold.
“I’m me again!” cried Prince Blueblood from across the room. He examined his hooves and felt his horn, gleefully.
“Twilight, I’m sorry!” said Big Mac.
Twilight pressed herself to him. At first it felt like a hug, but her body went ragdoll limp and she slumped against his shoulder.
“Twilight?”
“Twilie!” Shining Armor rushed up. 
Everypony gathered around as Big Macintosh lay Twilight gently to the ground.
“Give her some room” commanded Celestia, easing everypony back.
Twilight’s wings vanished, her horn retracted and her body shrank. Within seconds she was back to her old self. Big Macintosh stroked her long mane and nuzzled her neck.
Outside, the magic waves that had swept over Ponyville faded. Citizens returned to their normal forms, dogs stopped talking, lampposts unknotted themselves and ten thousand princes turned back into frogs (although forever after, the frogs around Ponyville had a reputation for being distinctly snobbish).
Twilight’s eyes fluttered open.
“Twilight, can you ever forgive me?” asked Big Mac.
 “Yes,” she smiled weakly before easing her head back down to sleep in his lap.
“Well,” smiled Celestia proudly “It looks like everything’s back to normal.”
Luna shot Celestia an incredulous look. Celestia pretended not to see.
“Normal?” exclaimed Rainbow Dash, erupting from a pile of debris “You call this normal?”
Everypony turned to look at her. Jaws dropped.
 “I’m a colt!” declared Rainbow Dash in a creamy tenor.
Applejack doffed her hat and pressed it close to her chest.
“Oh… my…” Rarity fanned herself.
“Yes… my…” whispered Fluttershy.
“Uh oh, here we go again!” exclaimed Spike, shrugging.
Everypony laughed.
Rainbow couldn’t believe it.
“Why is everypony laughing? This isn’t funny! This is a serious problem! Do you have any idea how much drag this thing’s going to add?” Rainbow cast a panicked look back between his hind legs.
Pinkie Pie bent down to get a good look.
“Not much by the look of things. I wouldn’t worry about it,” she observed.
“Pinkie!” everypony scolded. They all burst out laughing again.
“What’s wrong with all of you?” Rainbow stomped his hooves.
“All right settle down,” Celestia raised her hoof to silence the levity. She walked over to where Big Macintosh held Twilight cradled in his hooves.
“Big Macintosh, did you learn any important lessons about friendship today?”
Big Mac looked down at Twilight’s sleeping form.
“Eeyup.”
Celestia nodded and smiled.
“Good enough,” she signaled to the rest and together they climbed the stairs, filing out of the basement in order to give Big Mac and Twilight their privacy.
"You know all of this was your fault, right?" Luna murmured in Celestia's ear.
Celestia kept her eyes straight forward and trotted a little faster.
Rainbow Dash hopped along behind the rest.
“Come on, guys!” he begged “Wait up! You’re not gonna just leave me like this? Princess? Anypony?” Hey!”
More laughter from upstairs.


EPILOGUE


Twilight eased herself forward on the bed, letting herself feel the sheets caress her belly and legs. She breathed deep, savoring the deep and musky scent of Big Macintosh’s body next to her.
“Big Mac…” she whispered.
He was listening.
“I just want you to know… this is my first time…”
“Mine, too,” he answered. 
He was silent for a moment.
“I think,” he amended.
Their lovemaking was as tender and awkward and sweet and careful as sex between two virgins could be. When it was over, Twilight knew she loved him.


***

There was a knock at the front door of number seventeen, East Cherry Tree Lane, Fillydelphia.
“I’ve got it,” Irons Hott called upstairs. She fluttered over to the door and lifted the curtain. Prince Blueblood and Tombs smiled at her from outside.
“What the hell?” she undid the deadbolt and opened the door.
“Miss Hott?” asked Tombs.
“What the hoof do you want?” she scowled.
“My employer has something he’d like to tell you,” Tombs stepped aside to let Blueblood speak.
She slapped him.
“That’s fair…” Blueblood rubbed his cheek “But listen. I uh… I’ve recently turned over a new leaf and I’d like to make amends for any heartache I may have caused you in the past…”
“Momma, who’s at the door?”
Irons looked back over her shoulder.
“Nopony, sweetums. Go and play,” she instructed.
Tombs and Blueblood craned their necks to see around her. A pegasus colt, young, just on the verge of stretching into the awkward gangliness of adolescence, stood behind her in the front hall. His coat was angel white. He sported a compass rose cutie mark and a long, cornsilk-blonde mane.
Blueblood swallowed. Tombs gave him a meaningful look.
“What’s… ah… What’s his name?” asked Blueblood.
“Northstar,” she answered.
“How old?”
“Six.”
Blueblood looked down at his hooves. 
“Look, I’m lettin’ all the heat out. If you got some more business then speak up, otherwise, quit wastin’ my time,” grumbled Irons.
“Miss Irons, I don’t think I can ever make up for what I’ve done, but I want you to know I’m going to spend the rest of my life trying.”
“Chuh, yeah, right. Thanks very much, now get lost,” she started to push the door shut.
“Wait, ma’m,” Tombs jammed his hoof in the door.
Irons frowned.
“Please, take this, as a token of our goodwill,” said Blueblood. He magicked open his saddlebag and levitated out a large brick of gold, emblazoned with the emblem of the Royal Family. Irons took the heavy brick with wide-eyed disbelief.
“We’ll be in touch,” said Tombs.
Tombs let her close the door.
Blueblood breathed a heavy sigh of relief. He turned to Tombs, who was crossing off a name in his little black book. Across the street, a pony on a tall ladder finished pasting up a large poster advertising The Return of the Great and Powerful Trixie!
“Okay, so that’s eight down…” said Blueblood.
“One hundred and… forty one to go, sire,” offered Tombs.
Blueblood heaved another sigh and plodded on.
“Tombs, could you at least take a turn carrying the gold?” he asked.
“Very good, Sire.”


***

A clink in the dark. The rustle of a black cloak. As Twilight and Big Macintosh explored their passions upstairs, Zecora crept down to the basement. No need to worry about Spike, he’d been sent away to stay with Fluttershy for the evening.
Zecora tread carefully amidst the broken glass and shattered machinery. Barely visible in the shadows were the twin arcs of the golden horseshoes. Zecora picked one up carefully with her mouth and balanced it on top of her hoof so that she could hold it to her ear. The gold sang its ancient song. The spell was still alive. Weakened, but growing once again.
Zecora smiled and tucked the shoes into her bag. She vanished with a swirl of her cloak.





THE END





But, the adventure isn’t over!


Tombs and Blueblood will be back in


Canterlot Holiday


Alternatively titled


Rainbro Dash!