This is bad. I quickly run to a shelf and open a book.
“Ohhhhhhhh no.” I could read. It’s not possible to read in dreams... It’s always weird jumbles or stuff you already read before... but this is a new book. I put the book back on the shelf and turn to my audience, now feeling rather... stupid. “Okay, I suppose an apology is in order...”
“An... apology?” Rainbow Dash seemed rather confused.
“Yeah. I’m sorry. I thought this was all a dream, so I was kind of a jerk. I figured that since it wasn’t real there wouldn’t be consequences for my actions.”
Twilight looks at me thoughtfully. “Well, I suppose that makes sense, and you didn’t really hurt anypony... I accept your apology.”
She puts her hoof up towards me, so I take it in my hand and shake it. This time the pink one was jumping up and down asking a million questions. But she slows down for the last one. “And how’d you do that growing thing!?”
Another epiphany. “I... I don’t know! I can’t do that! Well, I never could before...”
This got a collective “What!?” from the lot of them.
“Yeah, so I can grow now. I wonder...”
I concentrate hard on changing size again. Opening my eyes I see that I didn’t change. “Awww man.”
“You could only do it once?” Twilight asks, now levitating a quill and her notepad.
“Maybe, I’m not sure. I was trying to shrink.”
Rainbow Dash had a rather incredulous look on her face. “Why would anypony want to be small?”
“Because it has plenty of advantages.”
“If you say so.”
“I do.”
“Whatever.”
“So now what?” I sit down in a very small, likely pony-sized, chair and do my best to get comfortable. It’s a struggle I ultimately lose.
“I suppose we can figure out exactly what you can do.”
I put on a rather snarky grin. “Well, I can read and write, I’m good at video games and-”
“I didn’t mean like that.” Twilight said, an annoyed look on her face.
“I know.”
“Well, then why answer like that? It doesn’t make sense!”
“But making sense isn’t fun.” I say, recognizing her as the ‘Genius who can’t understand fallacies in their own logic’ type.
For some reason my statement gave them all a start. Now they’re looking at each other.
“What’s with the worried looks? I’m just playing around. You know, like a game.” They have to understand sarcasm and such, right?
Now they are all staring at me. Suddenly, a blinding flash from Twilight and now they’ve all got these weird choker-necklaces, except Twilight, who has a tiara.
“I’m going to say this once, and only once. Leave us alone Discord, or you go back to being stone.”
“Huh?”
“I don’t know how you got out, and I don’t really care. Now get out of here, Discord!”
“Who?”
Again, I’m staring at Rainbow Dash’s eyes. “Don’t give us that! As soon as we turn our backs, you’re going to fly off and start messing with Equestria!”
“I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Sorry Discord, we aren’t falling for that!” Twilight exclaimed.
Her eyes started to glow a bright white, and the six of them flew into the air around her.
A rainbow-colored ribbon of energy formed between their necklaces, spiraling around and connecting to Twilight’s tiara.
“What the-”
A blast of rainbow energy flies up, and begins to descend towards me in an arc. I put up my arms to protect me, silently wishing that whatever was about to happen wouldn’t hurt.
Seconds pass. Nothing happens. I open my eyes, the ponies are on the ground again, and rather surprised. “Uh... what was that?”
Twilight pulls the other five into a huddle, putting up a magic barrier around them. It seems to be blocking out sound, as I can see them talking, but I can’t hear them.
After an hour or so of discussion, the pink bubble finally dissipates and the six ponies turn to face me.
“Okay, you aren’t Discord, but we still don’t know what happened.” Twilight says, giving me a confused, even puzzled look.
“Neither do I. Suddenly you’re all angry and shooting rainbows at me. Not very effective, as I didn’t feel anything at all.”
“That’s what we’re curious about. How’d you negate the Elements of Harmony?” Twilight asks.
“The what?”
Twilight sighed heavily, her hoof to her face “The giant rainbow thing.”
“Oh. I dunno.” I shrug. “I just didn’t want it to hit me.”
Twilight looks at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train. “But... well, it didn’t hit you. That’s the problem...”
“How’s it a problem?”
“Well, normally, if the Elements wouldn’t have worked, we either wouldn’t have been able to use them at all, or the beam would hit but change nothing. What you did... was stop the Elements!”
“So...?”
“I’m taking you to Princess Celestia.”
“Oooh, a princess. Is she hot?” Now they all give me the cow-look. “What? Is she ugly or something?” Cue collective gasp.
Rainbow Dash speaks first “You really shouldn’t say anything like that about Princess Celestia...”
“Celestia? Hmmm... if the name is meaningful, then I’d assume she has some connection with an interstellar object or is an interstellar being herself.” I deduce.
“Well... you got the first part right, I suppose.” Twilight replies. “Anyway, we should get her over here.”
“So when will this princess show up?”
“When she’s able to, she’s probably very busy.” Twilight responds imperiously.
I roll my eyes. “Busy with what? She’s a princess! They’ve got, like, zero responsibility. Let the King handle this.”
This time the first pegasus I met, a yellow one named Fluttershy, responds. “We, uh, don’t have a king. Or a queen. We just have Princess Celestia and her sister Luna.”
“What kind of weird hierarchy do you crazy horses even have?”
“One that’s worked for over two-thousand years straight.” A curt reply from the white fancy one. Rarity I think I heard them say.
“Anyone around to prove that?” I ask.
“Huh?”
“Well, unless someone who was that old, other than the one who says it’s true that is, says it’s true, I’m gonna say that sounds like propaganda.”
Another collective gasp. Are these ponies part fish or something?
Suddenly bright light.
“Geez, does anybody give any warning, or do they turn on the floods whenever the heck they want?”
When I can see again, I notice a new pony. Well, more like a horse. She was... big. Like, about as tall as me. She also looked rather important, a certain royal air around her.
“I suppose you’re Celestia?”
“Yes I am.” she gives me a polite nod. “I have come to meet you.”
“Of course you did, I’m awesome.” I smirk.
She looks me over, and I can see she’s not impressed. “As you say.”
“Don’t like me? Send me back.” I stick my tongue out at her.
She shakes her head sadly. “I don’t know where you came from, and so cannot send you back.”
“That’s easy, I came from my mom.”
This earned a chuckle from the princess. “A comedian as well. You certainly are interesting, especially with the information my faithful student has sent me.”
“And what information would that be?” I feign horror. “She didn’t tell you anything... naughty did she?” I accentuate the word further by wiggling my eyebrows.
“No, she did not.” she says, still cool a white-pink-blue-green cucumber. “Though I doubt it would be anything too bad, given you’ve only been conscious for half a day.”
I go back to the chair I was sitting in before she arrived. “Oh, very well. And here I thought you’d be fun. So boring, Celestia.”
She blinks at this, raising a querying eyebrow. “Hmmm...”
“Finally realize you’re a stick in the mud?” I inquire.
By this point, four of the ponies have their jaws on the floor, Fluttershy is fanning Twilight who has fainted for some reason.
“I wouldn’t suggest trying my patience, Anthony.”
I shrug. “Alright, anything else I can try?”
She shakes her head. “I’m not sure whether you’re trying to annoy me or be friendly, and I admit that’s rather frustrating.”
“I love you too!” I give her a hug, grinning as wide as I can. She’s actually rather warm and her fur is soft.
“Ahem, yes well...” she shifts on her hooves a little. “I will be taking us to Canterlot now.”
After the flash subsides, we are somewhere else. A large room. A pair of thrones at the top of some steps.
“You know, you could make millions in Vegas.”
“As much as I’d er... enjoy continuing our small-talk, I would like to know more about you.” Celestia says.
“Oh, of course.” I say, settling onto the nearest solid surface as best as I can... admittedly, it’s a short table meant for holding a vase, which may or may not have just almost fallen off... ah well, it’s comfy enough.
“Thank you,” she nods, “start with yourself.”
“Okay. I’m almost twenty, am a bit of an introvert, and I’m looking for a girl who-”
“Anthony, please, this is serious.” Celestia admonishes, squandering my comedic talent.
“Oh, fine, fine. I don’t know how I got here, and somehow, I can become super-giant.”
“Could you... demonstrate?” Celestia asks.
“Only if I get ice cream.” I say, crossing my arms in front of me.
Rarity pipes up “Oh, not this again.”
“Hey, ice cream is good!” I defend my perfectly valid request.
The pink one hops up and down, saying, “He’s right, ice cream is delicious!”
“Finally, a pony who’s talking sense!” I give the pony a high five. High one? Whatever.
Celestia sighs. “How about this,” she offers, “if you answer all my questions, you will get all the ice cream you want, afterwards.”
I grin wide, causing Celestia to make an addendum to her statement. “Until the end of the day.”
I’m no stranger to loopholes. “Define ‘end’ of the day.”
She considers for a second. “...Midnight.”
“Deal!” I spit in my hand and offer to shake, signaling a sealing of a deal, which grosses out a few of my audience but Celestia resolutely shakes my hand anyway. Though I can tell she’s rather off-put anyway.