//------------------------------//
// Ch8 First Kill 
// Story: A Charred Stone 
// by Priceless911 
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                As I peeked over the hill and looked over the Celestia camp, Lieutenant Snow asked, “What would you presume their numbers reach?”
I looked over the army and replied, “I don’t know… a lot that’s for sure.”
Lieutenant Snow sighed, “Yes… well, a lot doesn’t really clarify anything, perhaps a number should suffice.”
As I continued looking over the massive army I replied, “Well… then I'll say… um… how many soldiers do we have in our convoy?”
Snow replied, “Approximately six hundred.”
As I looked at the army I could only reply, “well… then they should have about three times that… this camp is massive.”

Lieutenant Snow sighed as he replied, “It’s as I’ve feared then. Let us report this to the commander.”
With that said, both Snow and I slowly backed up as we made our way back down the hill and across the field before returning to The Nightmare Legion’s convoy which was cleverly hidden in a wide depression. After we made it back to the convoy, Snow and I trotted to the wagon where Captain Storm and Commander Bolt were waiting at as Captain Storm handed me my bow and quiver, “So… what’s the count? How many are there?”
As I slung my quiver, I replied, “a lot… at least three times our own in numbers.”
Commander Bolt nodded his head, “Then it would be wise to keep ourselves hidden until nightfall, we can sneak past them if we use the cover of tonight’s new moon.”

At first, we all nodded our heads but then after thinking about it, I had to reply, “But… tonight’s moon isn’t new… is it?”
Commander Bolt smiled, “it will be once Nightmare Moon gets my letter. She still has control of the night, so we know she will use it to our advantage. After all she…”
All of a sudden, Commander Bolt stopped talking as he looked to the sky. When I looked up, I could see what looked to be a falcon flying above as Commander Bolt spoke, “Cadet?...”
I stepped forward, “Yes sir?”
Commander bolt glared at the falcon as he replied, “Drop it…”
Thinking I heard him wrong I asked, “Sir?”
He repeated himself, “I said shoot that bird out of the sky. Hurry!”

Seeing by his expression that he was serious, I pulled an arrow from my quiver as I laid it across my bow and began drawing it. Keeping my focus, I led the falcon a little bit, as I released my arrow and sent it whistling through the air until it hit the airborne creature and caused it to fall from the sky. Shortly after the bird hit the ground, Commander Bolt, Lieutenant Snow, Captain Storm, and I trotted out to it so we could better see what it was that I just killed. As we approached the dead creature, Commander Bolt picked it up and pulled the arrow from its corpse. After the arrow was free, Commander Bolt handed it to me as he spoke, “Here, this is yours.”
Looking at the blood soaked arrow, I took it by the flight as I wiped it against the tall grass, “um… thanks?...”
After that Commander Bolt started examining the bird as Lieutenant Snow spoke, “Really now, was this creature’s existence so vile that you wanted it dead sir?”

Completely ignoring Snow, Commander Bolt looked at the falcon’s leg as he untied a small note that was attached to it, and began reading, “The depression located south by southwest of the front camp… Commander Bolt will be there…”
After hearing what the note contained, I had to say something, “A courier falcon? And he had our location on his leg too.”
Captain Storm nodded his head, “This confirms it… there is a spy in our ranks. The only question… is who?”
I spoke next, “With a spy here while we are this close to the enemy camp?… This made this place more dangerous didn’t it?”
Commander Bolt shook his head, “Actually it depends… Who saw us shoot this falcon down… and of them… which is the spy.”

At first I didn’t understand but Captain Storm nodded his head as he replied, “That’s right, if the spy didn’t see us kill this creature, then he could only assume his allies got this message.”
Snow continued, “And if our mutineer assumes as such, he will try to flee before his troops attack.”
Understanding what was going on, I nodded my head, “That’s right… and when he tried to make a break for it, we can catch him red hoofed.”
Commander Bolt looked at me and replied, “That’s assuming he didn’t see us shoot down this bird. Nevertheless, we need to up security in the camp, but keep it low. Tell your soldiers that due to the hostile environment, we will not allow any of them to go beyond the depression’s walls. Tell them it’s for their safety.”

Both Captain Storm and Lieutenant Snow nodded their heads as they started turning towards the convoy to relay their orders. After they were gone, I approached Commander Bolt as I asked, “Commander? If there is a spy… what could it mean?”
Commander Bolt looked at me as he replied, “it could mean that we are in serious danger, which is why we need to find him as soon as possible. It’s far too dangerous to let this little rat roam free.”
As Commander Bolt started trotting by me towards the convoy I asked, “Sir? If we do find him… what should we do?”
Commander Bolt replied without any expression, “he is guilty of treason… so he will be executed”
With nothing more to say on the subject Commander Bolt continued trotting by but before he was gone, he stopped as he turned his head till he could see me in his peripherals, “Oh… and Cadet?”
I looked at him, “Yes Commander?”
Commander Bolt smiled slightly, “Good shot…”

Leaving me stunned, Commander Bolt continued into the convoy as he began giving the order to set up a temporary camp. I couldn’t believe it... an actual compliment from Commander Bolt? Part of me was thinking it was a trick, or miss interpreted sarcasm. But as I saw him giving his orders to his soldier, I started seeing a side of him that seemed… different. I can’t quite explain it, but seeing him like this especially after hearing the compliment, made me feel… content. Either way, since he stood in front of the rest of the soldier giving them order, I decided to join them and assist in setting up camp. But all the while, as I assisted in the preparations, I kept a watchful eye for anything that could led me to the identity of this spy. Although the camp was temporary, the soldiers and I assisted in setting up a mess tent, a small weapons tent, and a number of foldaway small tents. It wasn’t as glorious as what we had before we left, but it was something that was needed and would be quick to put away. Later that day as I trotted through the camp, I heard a loud sound that sounded like a struggle as a few patrolling guards pulled a Celestial Crusader to me and threw him down at my hooves, “Cadet Stone! We found an enemy scout! He was watching the camp from the edge of the depression, what should we do”
As I looked down at the subdued guard who glared at me in returned I hesitated, “I… um… w… well…”
“What’s going on!?!”
Grateful he arrived, I turned to Commander Bolt who trotted up and repeated, “What is this?”

Eager to respond, one of our guards replied, “Commander! We found this Scout just outside the camp!”
“Commander?...”
Commander Bolt, the two guards, and I looked down at the Celestial Crusader as he spoke up, “As in… Commander Bolt?”
Commander Bolt replied without an expression, “I am… and who are you?”
The guard replied, “My name is Corporal Rift… as you know, I'm a scout to Commander Mist.”
Commander Bolt replied, “Oh… and where is Commander Mist? Is he in that Celestial Camp nearby?”
The scout glared at Commander Bolt as he replied, “Wouldn’t you like to know…”
Commander Bolt looked into the eyes of the scout as he sighed, “Just as I thought, he’s still in Canterlot… isn’t he?”
The scout’s expression went from confident to annoyed as Commander Bolt looked at me, “Well Cadet? What should we do with him?”
Shocked that he decided to ask me I looked at him with surprise, “m-me? You want me to decide?”

Commander Bolt looked back at the scout and replied, “As a future officer of the Nightmare Legion, you must be ready to make decisions that will keep your soldiers moral and safety intact… so what will it be? We can’t let him go… so our options are to take him prisoner, or… execution.”
Trying to think for a second, I replied, “well… I… um… I guess… um… prisoner?”
Commander Bolt smiled as he looked at the two guards and spoke, “you heard the cadet… Find a spare tent and put him in chains. Be sure stake him down so he won’t be able to get back to his camp.”
The Scout glared at Commander Bolt as he spoke, “You’re not going to kill me?”
Commander Bolt smiled, “Actually I was… but I left that decision to my Lieutenant in training. Just be grateful she has a heart, otherwise, I would rip yours out.”
With that said, Commander Bolt looked at me, “Since you made the decision to keep him alive you will be in charge of guarding him. Guards, assist Cadet Stone in whatever she needs; you will follow her orders as if they were my own, how clear am I?”
The guards nodded their heads as they picked up the prisoner and replied. “Crystal Sir!”
With that said the two started dragging the scout away as I started following. But before we were out of his sight, Commander Bolt stopped me, “Cadet… I will pass the word that we have a prisoner in the camp… if anything; it could lead our spy to attempt a rescue. So be on watch… I'm counting on you Cadet.”
Seeing that I was now given a more dangerous task, I nodded my head, “Yes sir… I'll do my best.”

With my new orders given, I trotted along with the two guards as they chained their prisoner up and placed him into a secluded tent at the edge of the camp. After the guards chained the prisoner to a stake, they nailed it down in the center of the tent as I stood guard to prevent anypony from entering. When the prisoner was secured in his temporary cell, I could hear some of the soldiers trotting around talking about food being served at the mess tent, so with myself and the prisoner in mind, I ordered the two guards to go get us a tray so I could stay with the prisoner while they ate. When they returned, I met them outside the tent as I took the trays and ordered them to return to get something for themselves. After I gave the order, the two left me as I went inside carrying both our plated of food. After entering the tent, I unslung both my bow and arrows and sat them at the entrance of the tent as I saw the prisoner sitting next to his stake as I laid my plate at the doorway and spoke, “Food is served, I hope you like hay… cuz that’s about all we have.”
As I started to approach the scout glared at me as he spoke, “if you think this act of charity is gonna make me feel grateful… then you’re dead wrong.”
Hearing the scout’s rude remark I paused as I replied, “Oh… okay… then you can come and get it yourself.”
Showing as much disrespect as I could, I placed the tray on the ground where I was standing as I turned back to my tray and trotted away.

Although he acted like he wasn’t hungry at the start, the proud scout sat where he was as I returned to my tray and began eating. However, after about ten seconds, the guard picked himself up and he shuffled in his chains to get the tray I left for him, however as he reached the edge of his chains slack, he found himself to be a few feet short of the tray of food. Waiting for the next obvious comment to come from his mouth, I sat and ignored his actions as he spoke, “Um… c-could you push the tray a little closer?... I… um… I am… a little hungry…”
Sighing at the pity I felt for the scout, I stood up and trotted to the tray as I stood over it and spoke, “What do you say?...”
After a few seconds of thinking, the scout gave me a curious look as he replied, “Um… Please?...”
Still trying to show disrespect, I pushed the tray closer to the scout as he reached for it and picked it up before sitting down and eating what was on it. While I saw him eating, I turned away as I spoke with an annoyed tone, “You’re welcome…”
After hearing my comment the Captured Crusader stopped eating as he spoke, “Oh… um… sorry… Thanks.”

As I sat back down by my tray, the crusader shook his head as he started to speak, “So… what’s a mare like you doing fighting in a war like this?”
Still a little annoyed, I looked up at him and replied, “Is that supposed to be some kind of cheap pick-up line?”
The scout shook his head, “No… what I mean is… you don’t seem like the kind of mare to be fighting for Nightmare Moon. Why would you, of all ponies fight for an eternal night?”
Looking back down at my food, I replied, “I'm not fighting for an eternal night… I have my own reasons to fight.”
The scout replied, “really… and what could be so important to shroud the land in eternal darkness.”
Hearing the guard speak annoyed me more as I looked up at him and replied, “That’s none of your business.”
The scout continued, “Really?... Never seeing the sun again isn’t my concern? Funny, I'd say that’s a big deal in my book.”
I sat my tray down on the ground as I stood up and replied, “You don’t know anything about me…”
The guard replied, “You’re wrong… I know enough about you to see that you are merciful… you spared my life when you could have easily ordered me dead. That tells me that you’re not fit to fight for the Nightmare Legion.”

Getting annoyed with his words, I took a few steps towards him, “I didn’t want to kill you because I saw no need to. Now on the other hoof, I'm starting to see a reason. So I suggest you just shut up and eat your food!”
The prisoner shook his head as he sighed, “it’s a shame… a pony like you fighting for a monster like Commander Bolt.”
I started to get angry as I trotted closer to him, “SHUT UP! Commander Bolt isn’t a monster! In fact if you must ask, He isn’t as evil as most say!”
The prisoner only shook his head as he looked back down at his tray, “it’s too bad, a pony like you would be better suited for the Celestial Crusaders.”
Seeing his plan, I stopped as I started laughing, “Oh I see what’s going on here! You’re trying to get me to defect aren’t you? Well too bad! I may not think that the Nightmare Legion is the best army to fight for, but I'm nothing if not loyal to my decision. So if you’re done ticking me off, get back to your food and sh…”
“Am I interrupting?”
With a chill running down my spine, I slowly turned to the entrance of the tent as I saw Private Weight standing in the tents doorway. Seeing the Devious smirk on his face, my eyes shifted to my bow and quiver that sat just behind him as they slowly went back to him as I spoke, “You’re not supposed to be here… This area is off limits to everypony accept for myself and the guards that are with me.”

With the smirk still on his face, the untrustworthy pegasus looked around as he spoke, “Really? I'm sorry… I guess I got lost while looking for the mess tent… my mistake Cadet… but wait, you said there were guards with you?... Where are they?... I don’t see anypony here, but you… me… and the Celestial Crusader.”
As I looked at my foal-hood bully, listening to his sarcastic tone, I slowly pieced together what was going on here… and I didn’t like it one bit. I'll admit I'm not a genius, but judging by this particular situation… I would bet money that this creep was the traitor. Unfortunately, with my bow being behind him… I was already at a disadvantage, so I decided to play along as I continued, “I said you’re not supposed to be here… Get out of here now! That’s an order!”
The spy placed his hoof against his chin as he pretended to think to himself, “oh, that’s right… You’re a future officer… and I'm only a private… so by the rules of war, I, being the lower ranking pony must obey you the higher rank, no matter the situation… am I right?”
Taking a few steps closer, I repeated myself, “GET OUT NOW!!!”
Seeing my anger, his expression quickly turned to disappointment as he turned towards the tents doorway and replied, “Oh... As you, order cadet… I will obey…”

Continuing to stall, Private Weight looked down at my tray of food that was on the ground next to him and spoke, “hmm… Heated Hay again?... you would think that being Commander Bolt’s little pet, you would get something a little more… appetizing.”
When I heard him call me a pet, I became furious as I approached him and replied in anger, “ARE YOU DEAF! I SAID GET OU…”
I angrily trotted towards my bitter rival, but as I approached him, my angry sentence was silenced when he picked up my tray, swung around and bashed the metal plate against the side of my face as I was knocked easily to the ground and laid there with my ears ringing. I'll admit this was almost nothing compared to the beating I’ve taken from Commander Bolt. However, this was the first time it was an object that hit me across my face, so after I hit the ground, I was too stunned to pick myself up and the pegasus quickly rushed by me and began unclasping the metal chains that held the Celestial Scout prisoner. Although I was still too stunned to move, I could hear the two talking as the Scout spoke, “So you’re the Spy Commander Mist briefed us on, aren’t you?... What took you so long?”
Private Weight replied, “Captain Storm is watching the tent from the sky, it took me forever to find a way around him. After all, he isn’t as easy to fight off as this one.”
Hearing what he said, I became angry as I tried to pick myself up knowing full and well that the one he referred to was me. Sadly, as I managed to pick myself up about a foot from the ground, The Traitor spotted me as he trotted up to me and spoke, “Well, looks like messy mane still has some fight in her.”

With my body still too weak to defend myself, The Strong stallion kicked me in my side as I fell to the ground coughing at the impact. With my disadvantage completely known the gloating pegasus smiled, “Well isn’t this such a familiar setting eh Messy Mane? Me, standing on top while you’re still too weak to do anything about it.”
After hearing this, once again I was able to muster up a little strength just in time for when he tried to kick me again. Only this time when he did, I grabbed his hoof with one of my front, as I rolled over and used my other three hooves to kick him in his gut as hard as I could, throwing him a few feet as he hit the ground coughing on the other side of the tent.
Though I wore myself out with that one kick, I still could only chuckle as I spoke, “How’s that... for fight… Light Weight…”
However, as the enraged stallion picked himself up, He glared at me as he drew his sword and spoke, “I'll show you fight…”
As soon as he started towards me with his sword in hoof, I immediately became afraid as he approached me and raised his blade high to strike. Luckily, as he swung his blade, the Scout quickly rushed to me as he grabbed the private’s hoof as the earth pony spoke, “That’s enough! There isn’t any need to kill her!”
Heavy Weight looked at the scout as he replied to his comrade’s actions, “This isn’t the time for chivalry… She made her decision when she joined the Nightmare Legion!”
The scout replied, “This isn’t about chivalry, or whose side she’s fighting for! She spared my life when she could have easily ordered me dead. So this is my way of repaying a dept. We’re leaving her here, alive. Or do you intend to argue with a corporal of the Celestial Crusaders?”

Knowing he lost the rank game, the annoyed Pegasus looked at me as he sighed and sheathed his sword as he replied, “fine… but we are leaving now, whether you order it or not.”
A little relieved that I was saved, I watched Heavy Weight, as he grabbed me by my mane and picked me up, as he looked me in the eye and spoke, “Consider yourself lucky… Messy Mane.”
With that said, the pegasus reared up and punched me in my face as hard as he could as I was knocked to the ground. As I laid there stunned, I could only close my eyes with dizziness as Heavy Weight turned to his friend with his words muffled through my dazed state, “that should keep her out for a while, Let’s get going We still have to sneak by Captain Storm.”
As I laid on the ground with my eyes closed, I could only assume that Heavy Weight’s punch was meant to knock me unconscious. However, I was barely able to keep myself awake as I laid there with my eyes closed from the hit I just took. After a few seconds of slow breathing to numb my pain, I slowly opened my eyes just in time to see the two as they looked outside for Captain Storm. After a second had passed, the scout whispered to his partner, “Now! Before he loops around!”
With that said the two quickly left the tent and vanished from my sight.

Stunned, weak, and now worried, I struggled to pick myself up as I stumbled across the tent from where I was lying to my bow, which was still leaned against the wall of the tent next to the doorway. As I reached my bow, I quickly slung my Quiver as I exited the tent to see the two escapees trying to sneak from tint to tent while keeping cover. When I saw this, I looked to the sky as I yelled to Captain Storm who was gliding above, “CAPTAIN STORM!!! THE PRISONER IS ESCAPING!!!”
As he heard my warning, Captain Storm swung around as he centered his flight into a dive onto the escaping pair. Seeing their threat incoming, the scout grabbed Heavy Weight’s sword and unsheathed it as he yelled to his comrade, “I'll fight him off! You get back to the camp! And hurry!!!”
Nodding to his Corporal’s orders, Heavy Weight started sprinting away as Captain Storm approached his target and attacked with his large mace as both weapons clashed sending sparks up with each weapon’s swing. I could only stand in place as I watched the two fight it out. A part of me wanted to join in, but with both using melee weapons, I knew I wouldn’t be of any help, so I quickly raised my bow and aimed at the fighting soldiers, only to find that their continuous shifting in stances made it impossible for me to fire without risking Captain Storm’s life. 

With the two still going at it, it wasn’t long before Captains Storm’s large heavy mace was able to shatter the corporal’s sword as the two grabbed onto the staff portion of the weapon and began struggling as they both tried to overpower their opponent back. As I watched, still too nervous to react, I could see Captain Storm loose his footing as he fell to the ground and became pinned down. With this perfect shot ready for me, I raised my bow and aimed for the Corporal as Captain Storm called to me, “CADET!... NO!!! Hit the pegasus! Don’t let him get away! KILL THE TRAITOR FIRST!!!”
When I heard his words, I started to realize that if I did release my arrow, it would really kill who I was aiming at. As to make it worse, I had to fire at a pony who was running away. As I adjusted my aim to fire the arrow at the fleeing Heavy Weight who was now almost outside the camp, I paused. I had the perfect aim, wind, trajectory, and everything I needed to hit him without a challenge… but for some reason… I couldn’t release my arrow. As I continued aiming Captain Storm from his pinned position called again, “STONE!!! FIRE!!! KILL HIM!!! DO IT NOW!!!”

Hearing the order loud and clear didn’t help, I completely froze. I didn’t even consider it before… but now I realized that by releasing my arrow, I would solely be responsible for the death of another pony. And not just any pony, but a fellow orphan like I was. His life was in my hoof, and if I chose to release this arrow, it would be gone forever. He could have a wife, foals, he could even have foster siblings that I don’t know about… but if let this arrow go, it will all be over… and… there was no way to take it back. I stood there still aiming at the pegasus, I continued to hesitate until one last thought crossed my mind. Well… it wasn’t so much a thought, but a memory. I saw that pegasus all those years ago, as he hovered in the air over me with my bandanna, the one possession that I had left of my parents in his grubby little hooves. Then… the bandanna… was gone…

When I saw this memory, an almost uncontrolled rage took over, as I quickly adjusted my aim for the changing wind, before releasing my arrow and sending it into the air with a faint and noticeable whistle sound. Although I meant to fire that arrow, I still hoped I would miss as I lowered my bow and watched my target as he continued sprinting away from the camp. Sadly, as I watched the stallion reach the top of the depression the arrow fell from the sky as it landed and hit the stallion in the back of his head causing him to stop in his tracks. Shocked At what I just did, I could only watch in immediate regret as the stallion who bullied me stood still with an arrow sticking out the back of his head, before touching the arrow to confirm what had just happened. Slowly turning to look at me he could only give me a shocked stare as he fell to the ground like a ragdoll and rolled back down the hill and into the depression.

Dropping my bow in horror, I put my hoof over my mouth as I shook my head in disgust of my actions, “no… no… h-how could I?...”
With my body frozen in shock from my actions, I could only sit down and continue staring at the dead stallion, as he laid motionless with the flight of my arrow raised higher than the rest of his corpse. Continuing to look at him, Captain Storm who was still struggling with the scout spoke through his struggle, “C-Cadet?... Now… you can help me!”
Still in a mix of shock and dismay, I looked at the two struggling stallions, but before I could snap myself out of my shameful trance, I watched as Commander Bolt glided down from the air and landed next to the fighting ponies. With his teardrop bladed shield connected to his hoof, Commander Bolt grabbed the struggling scout by the base of his mane as he pulled the stallion off his officer and pushed the blade into his back until the tip became exposed through pony’s chest.

Turning a portion of my horror-filled shock to the commander, I watched as the struggling scout struggled for only a few more seconds before he too became limp and stopped moving. After the scout stopped struggling, Commander Bolt threw him off of Captains Storm as he pulled his blade out of the pony and flung most of the blood from  his weapon before looking at Captain Storm and speaking, “You ok Captain?”
Captain Storm smiled and nodded his head as he picked himself up from the ground, “I’ve been better, although… I don’t think I am the one you should be asking.”
With that said, Captain Storm motioned towards me as he and Commander Bolt turned and looked directly at me. With both their eyes on me… I had no idea what to do… I didn’t know if I should just keep my mouth shut, or if I should explain myself… all I could do was to feel shame for what I did… not my hesitation in helping Storm, or the fact that I allowed them to escape me in the first place… but… for killing another pony.

Still feeling ashamed, I looked at Heavy Weight’s corpse, as I pitied him. This pony did nothing wrong… sure he bullied me when I was young, and sure he was a spy. But… did he really deserve to die for that? He… he could have been a father… a husband, he could be completely different then I knew… and still… I killed him. Seeing the shock in my expression, Commander Bolt trotted up to me, then took a second to look at Heavy Weight before turning back to me and speaking with no expression, “Get yourself checked up, then report to my quarters… we need to talk.”
With that said, and only that said, Commander Bolt turned back to Captain Storm as he got close enough to whisper to him without me hearing. Then with soldiers gathering in the area, Commander Bolt spoke aloud, “Gather the bodies and start breaking down camp. Also increase security, dusk is approaching and I want us to be ready to move with it.”

With almost an insulting expression, Commander Bolt opened his wings as he took to the sky and flew out of sight. Later after checking with the medic as I was ordered to, I made my way to Commander Bolt’s tent. When I reached the entrance, I started getting ready to announce myself, but before I could, Commander Bolt spoke, “Come in Cadet…”
After hearing him, I slowly entered the tent. Inside, I saw Commander Bolt standing on the other side of a table with no armor on. But what caught my full attention was what was on the table… or rather, what was stuck in the table. In the center of the wooden table was one of my arrows… but not just any arrow, it was the one that I used to kill Heavy Weight, I could tell since the blood was still on it. When I saw the arrow, I paused at the entrance, but when he looked over at me, Commander Bolt spoke, “Cadet… take a seat.”
With the order, I approached the table as I sat down and tried not to make eye contact with either Commander Bolt or the arrow on the table.

After I sat down Commander Bolt trotted to the chair on the other side of the table as he put two rags on the table. Then he pulled out his shield from under the table and sat it on top as he made it so I could see the blood still on the blade. When I saw the blood, I again averted my eyes in shame as he sat down, picked up one of the rags, and started cleaning off the blade, “if only it were this easy…”
thinking I heard him wrong I looked at him, “s-sir?”
Commander Bolt looked at me as he continued wiping the blade, “forgetting… if only it were as easy to forget killing by wiping the blood away. But it’s never that easy…”
Seeing the logic in his words, I asked, “commander… how can you do this? How can you just kill another pony and trot away as if nothing happened?”
Commander Bolt nodded his head as he replied, “You know, I remember my first… it was a griffin in the Griffin Civil War. I buried my blade into his chest, but only after pushing his axe blade away as he tried to dig it into my face.”

Thinking he was telling me too much, I gave him a serious look as he explained, “What I'm trying to say is that when it comes to battle, situations will arise where you have a choice to make. Kill him… or let him kill you.”
With nothing to say about it, I held my silence as he looked back at his shield and continued, “And for what it’s worth, I want to thank you.”
Confused I looked at Commander Bolt as I asked, “Thank me?... for what? I killed somepony… I… I’m responsible for removing another life from this world… why would you or anypony thank me?”
Commander Bolt smiled as he replied, “Cadet… you saved this entire camp. If you hadn’t shot that arrow, that spy would have leaked this camp to the celestial forces and ended this war. If it wasn’t for you… I and everypony in this camp would probably be dead right now.”
Although I understood what he was saying, I couldn’t feel any pride as I looked back down at the arrow and spoke, “Still… I killed him. Even if I didn’t like him when we were little, I still don’t think he deserved what happened to him.”

Commander Bolt nodded his head as he replied, “maybe… but in the end, do you think his life was worth all of ours? Captain Storm, Lieutenant Snow… Yours?...”
Hearing him put it like that made me feel a little better, but what surprised me a little, was that he didn’t mention himself in that list at all. Regardless of which, I ignored it, as I replied, “no… I'd rather it be him than us… but still…”
Commander Bolt sighed, “Cadet… I'm sure you’ve heard me say it before, but… in every battle there is no such thing as a perfect victory. Do you know why I say that?”
I did hear him say that before when I saw a convoy of wounded ponies come through our last camp, so I nodded my head as I replied, “Yes sir… it’s because after a battle even the wounded lose something… am I right?”
Commander Bolt shook his head, “no… it’s because after a battle, Everypony loses something. Some lose good friends; some lose limbs, wings or even courage and confidence in themselves, while others lose their own lives. But no matter what, Everypony loses a part of themselves.”
I gave him a confused look as I asked, “themselves?... I… I don’t understand.”
Commander Bolt continued wiping off his shield as he explained, “When you take a life, you lose a part of yourself. You feel pity, disgrace, shame, and often regret. However if you survive a battle and take no lives, then you almost feel the same thing, only it’s in yourself.”

I could only continue giving him my confused look as he continued, “Surviving a battle and seeing the results can have an effect too. Seeing all the wounded and dead; knowing that you did nothing to help them… it’s just as painful as if you where the one that wounded or killed them yourself. Therefore, there is no such thing as a battle that you don’t lose a bit of yourself in. a wise mercenary told me that in my first war, and I’ve always remembered it ever since. Fact of the matter is, what you did, and what you feel right now is completely expected. In fact, if I didn’t expect you to feel this at all?... I'd kick you out of the Nightmare Legion on the spot.”
the seriousness of his tone almost made me worried that he was going to kick me out now, but I completely understood what he meant now so I replied, “and… does it always feel like this?...”
Commander bolt nodded his head, “usually… unless you understand why you did it? When I kill an enemy, I know why I do it every time, so even though I always regret it, I know that if I didn’t do it, something worse would have happened.”

Commander Bolt looked at me as he continued, “we all have to do what we can to protect our subordinates, our princess, and our home… this is the pledge that I made as a royal guard, and though my values have changed since then, I still fight for those same reasons. I will kill anypony I have to, to win this war and achieve my goal… my only question is… will you do the same?... if so, pick up your arrow and clean of your regret. Because you have nothing to be regretful for… you saved my life, and the lives of everypony here, and though most won’t ever know it, the fact that they will live to find out someday is much better than the alternative. So… will you continue?”
With all his attention on his shield, Commander Bolt continued cleaning his weapon as I reached for the cloth and picked it up. Then with a heavy heart, I reached for the arrow and pulled it from the table. Most of the blood was completely dry, but what wasn’t rubbed off on my hooves as I placed the rag against its surface and began wiping the blood away. As I did, Commander Bolt smiled, “thank you Cadet… the final phase of your training will begin in a few days… till then, we will make our way past this army and set up a better position in another area. According to my scouts, the celestial Crusaders have set a permanent post here, and they won’t be moving forward for a while. So we will take time to prep, then remove them from this location.”