"Yes," Payne menacingly agreed, "and like a bomb counting down, the time you get blown away is fast-approaching, Mr. Wrong."
Phoenix smirked back. "I think the court could stand to get blown away, Writhe. So far, your prosecution has just been one big dud."
Payne's smile disappeared as he was suddenly taking aback by the defense's retort.
"HA!" Dan pointed at the prosecutor. "Good one, Nicky. Look at his face! His combover's about to slide off."
Phoenix did his trademark confidence pose. "It's like I told you, Dan. The more they try to screw things around, the more they wind up getting screwed themselves."
"You're the first attorney I think I'd actually let represent me, Nicky."
Wright turned back to him with a surprised grin. "Does that mean you'd actually hire me?"
"Um, no. But you'll have the privilege of being the first attorney that's ever defended me. That I did not attempt to maim before, after and during the trial," Dan said in a respectful tone.
"That… sounds like quite an honor, Dan," Phoenix said, turning back around. (An honor I'd be happy to receive so long as I was wearing body armor.)
"The only thing either of you will be representing is the last of your incompetent species!" Payne roared, furious. The courtroom was silent for a moment as the prosecutor panted. "I am NOT going to lose to some inept bipedal throwback and his two-bit defense team!" His combover had disintegrated, falling to either side of his head and dripping with sweat. He now appeared like he was bald and just had really long sideburns.
"No, you're not," Dan said, brimming with confidence. "You're going to lose to two inept bipedal throwbacks and their pro bono defense team."
"Thanks… Dan…," Phoenix said, slumping forward.
"Don't mention it, Nicky," Dan winked.
"BOTH of you are lucky this didn't happen to you sooner!" Payne yelled.
Phoenix took notice of how he phrased his remark. "Sooner? What do you mean by that?"
"Grrrrrr, never you mind, biped," the prosecutor dismissed him. "Powder! Fuse! Testify now to the composition of the Crystal Heart! Go into every detail of how it couldn't possibly have been anypony other than Sombra!!"
"Mfffff," the sisters giggled.
"What?" Payne demanded. "What's the problem?"
"Oh, th-there's no problem," Fuse said between laughs.
"Yeah!" Powder agreed. They then said simultaneously, "It's nothing that a little hair tonic wouldn't fix!"
Payne's shades fell off his face. He grabbed his head with his hooves. "I'm going to kill everyone in this courtroom. Even if I have to prosecute myself afterward," he muttered. "Start the testimonial!"
"Sure thing, baldy," the sisters said.
"Hmm? Did you mean me?" the judge asked.
"No, the other one."
"Ah. Please, continue."
Blast Fuse turned to Blast Powder. "You ready?"
"Eeyup!"
"All right, one… two… three…" the pair hid behind the podium for a moment. The judge, jury, defense and prosecution leaned forward to try to see what they were doing.
"We used to wonder what friendship could be~"
Blast Powder said, popping up.
Blast Fuse popped up next, holding a detonator.
"Until we found a crapload of TNT!"
*BABOOOOOM!!*
Both gray mares were engulfed in a fiery explosion. Smoke filled the courtroom, obscuring everything from floor to ceiling. When it finally cleared, Blast Powder and Blast Fuse stood at the podium, forelegs splayed out, as if waiting for applause.
"Did… did they just detonate a BOMB in the courtroom?!!" Sam asked.
"Yes," Phoenix answered, climbing up from behind the defense's desk. "Yes, they did. Not the first time that's happened to me but at least the courtroom isn't demolished this time." (Although, I will be requesting a blast shield for the attorney's bench for the next trial. If we survive this one.)
"Hehehehe," Blast Fuse giggled.
Blast Powder smirked. "I told you our testimony was going-"
"To blow your minds!"
"So, what did you guys think?"
"If you need cleared fields, broken shields and any and all deals sealed-,"
"Call up Pow & Fuse's BlastBlastBlast and Company for the highest yield!"
"I find myself appealed," Dan commented. "Looks like you've got some competition, Nicky. I might have them represent me in court."
Phoenix face palmed. "They just detonated a bomb!" he said, exasperated. "You don't even know if they practice law!"
"We don't, by the way," Fuse said.
"They detonated a bomb in the courtroom," Dan flatly stated.
"A party bomb!" Powder added.
"Exactly," Dan agreed. "That's the kind of representation I'm looking for."
"WHAT?!!" Payne yelled. "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?"
"Order!" the judge banged his gavel. "Mr. Payne, why are you yelling?"
"WHAT?" he yelled again. "I CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING."
"Oh crap, he's deaf," Phoenix said.
"OH CRAP I'M DEAF!!" Payne shouted. He held his ears down.
"Ughh," Blast Powder rolled her eyes. "It's temporary."
"Your hearing will return in a few seconds," Blast Fuse said.
"MY WHAT?!!" Payne said. "I THINK MY HEARING IS RETURNING!"
"Greeeeeaaat," Powder said. "Hopefully, you'll be able to hear the testimony… friggin idiot."
"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!!"
"Let's go, sis."
Dual Witness Testimonial
Blast Fuse: Not many ponies know this but the Crystal Heart actually has a lot of different magical defenses in place.
Blast Powder: The original ponies that founded the Crystal Empire knew that the Crystal Heart would be the "heart" of the Empire in more ways than one.
Blast Fuse: Because of its importance, and the fact they knew all the crystal ponies would want to see it, they kept it in on this altar.
Blast Powder: Out in the open.
Blast Fuse: So EVERYPONY could see it.
Blast Powder: But this also meant it would be harder to protect.
Blast Fuse: Especially like at night when everypony was asleep.
Blast Powder: So they put a bunch of spells on it to prevent it from being stolen.
Blast Fuse: Not broken. That's an important distinction to make.
Blast Powder: The Crystal Heart is actually SOOOO powerful, they never anticipated it being broken. By anypony.
Blast Fuse: Or anything. I mean, seriously, it's exposed to the elements twenty-four-seven so they pretty much thought it was safe to just leave it alone on a pedestal in the middle of the city.
Blast Powder: Wind, earthquakes, tourists- they were sure nothing would be able to break the Crystal Heart. They thought it was that safe.
Blast Fuse: They were wrong, obviously.
Blast Powder: They put a spell on the Crystal Heart so that only the current ruler of the Crystal Empire could remove it from the altar.
Blast Fuse: They obviously didn't think the ruler would ever be the one to break it. Or maybe they thought the leader of the Empire should be the only one with the ability to break it if it was ever necessary.
Blast Powder: Either way, that means only ponies who rule the Crystal Empire can touch the Crystal Heart.
Blast Fuse: Like Sammy-boy for example.
Blast Powder: So, because Vice was out playing hero, giving a big speech and Cadence and Shining Armor were in jail,-
Blast Fuse: And there aren't any other rulers of the Crystal Empire around-
Both: The only pony who could've shattered the Crystal Heart was King Sombra.
"Hmm…" the judge closed his eyes, considering the testimonial. "That seems to be a very intricate way of protecting a gem. I must say, it does make sense to only allow one who was very trusted to have access to such a treasure."
"Unless the guy in charge isn't very trustworthy," Dan said.
Lightning Claw shrugged. "It's an ancient empire that's been disappeared for the past thousand years. They probably didn't think the ruler would have any reason to steal the Crystal Heart. Or break it."
"But… wait a minute," Firedancer said, thinking. "You said only the current ruler of the Crystal Heart could touch it, right?"
The sisters nodded simultaneously. "Yes. The spell makes it so no other pony can even budge the Crystal Heart," they also said simultaneously.
"Even levitation and telekinetic magic won't work," Blast Fuse said.
"And it's also immune to the effects of weather, dark magic and flash photography," Blast Powder continued.
"It stays crunchy even in milk!" Blast Fuse said, smiling.
"And would make a great reading light if Hasbro decided to market replicas of it to sell!" Blast Powder said. "C'mon, folks, you know you want one," the unicorn said, winking at the camera.
"Yeah but…" Firedancer said, hoof to his chin, "only the rulers of the Crystal Empire can do anything with it…" his voice became softer. He grabbed Phoenix Wright's arm. "Phoenix, I think you should object to that."
"You don't think Sam could've done it because he's not technically the ruler right now?" Phoenix asked in a whisper.
Firedancer nodded. "That's what they said, anyway…"
Phoenix rubbed the gray pony's fiery mane. "That's pretty perceptive of you to notice a detail like that. I thought of it, too, but they usually have counters for technicalities like that. Do your really think it could be a contradiction in their testimony?"
"Um… I dunno," Firedancer said shyly. "But even if it isn't, it could explain a bit more about what really happened."
Phoenix smiled. Firedancer had the makings of a good defense attorney.
"This definitely does shift the blame back in Mr. Sam's direction," the judge stated. "Mr. Wright, you may begin your cross examination."
"WHAT?!"
Dan raised his hand. "If I have to testify, I demand my own bomb."