//------------------------------//
// Chapter Sixteen 
// Story: The Nature of Nurture 
// by lola2901 
//------------------------------//

        “I’m so glad you came to visit! I’ve been reading some fascinating child rearing books and I can’t wait to share some of the techniques!” squealed Twilight cheerfully, floating an array of books down from the shelves.
I smile and nod, only half listening as I watch Brio drag himself around in the small magic playpen Twilight made. From what I can tell, the little fella is on a quest for that rubber ducky in the corner of the pen.
Twilight sets the books down in a stack on the bedside table, beaming. “Aw, he’s pretty cute.”
I glance up, smiling. “Hey Twi?” She pricks her ears curiously. “I just wanted to say I’m glad you’re so fond of Brio. I mean, when Celestia first brought him and such you were... well...”
Her smile falters slightly. “I guess it’s easier to be cynically about an egg,” she says, shuffling awkwardly. Pausing, she changes the subject. “You know, you were right. Rarity’s already set me up for a blind date next weekend.”
“Hah, Tartarus or tarantulas couldn’t stop that girl when she sets her mind to something,” I say, chuckling.
Twilight glances at the clock, jumping in surprise. “Oh, you and Rainbow Dash were going to practice for your next rodeo, weren’t you? You need to go or you’ll be late!”
Her magic lights up around me, but before she can rush me off in the name of being on time, I shake my head. “Rainbow cancelled.”
Her magic flickers and then disappears. Twi tips her head to the side, brow furrowed in confusion. “What? Why would she do that? She’s always been so loyal, I can’t imagine her canceling without a good reason.”
I sigh, trotting over to one of the chairs and slumping down in it. “I suppose it could be a good reason. Suppose it depends on who’s opinion you side with.”
She draws up a chair, sitting. “I’m listening,” she says. Her voice is open, warm, like a late summer sun. I relax into the softness of her voice, and take a deep breath.
“I suppose she’s still angry. I was wondering if she’s started on with Trixie to make me jealous. You heard about her and Trixie, right?”
She nods, frowning. “I did, but what’s she got to be angry about? I’m not sure I understand.”
I pause, smiling bitterly. “Guess it was before you moved in. Alright, so it goes like this. A couple months before you came to Ponyville, near half a year even, Dash and I, we already knew each other. In fact, we were thick as thieves, thicker maybe. After a while, I got the courage to ask her out, and we started dating.”
Twilight looks at me in surprise. “Dating? I didn’t know you too-”
I wave her off, shaking my head. “I’m bisexual. Last time I asked, Dash is straight, but she has a few rare exceptions here and there.”
She nods absentmindedly, a strange faraway look in her eyes, as if she’s thinking of something far off into the sky. “So what happened?”
“Well, we got closer. You rarely ever saw one without the other. She started letting her weather duties slide, and I asked Big Mac to do my chores for me more and more. She wanted to get intimate, but as much as I liked being with her, I didn’t feel ready. I didn’t feel right.
“Time went on and it occurred to me I wasn’t as happy as before. So I took a good long look at my life. I’d been neglecting Winona, my other friends, and worst of all, my family; and even when I was with them, I was followed by a ghost of guilt that I wasn’t ready to be as intimate as Dash wanted. It was taking over my life.
“So I told her I couldn’t do it anymore. I told her we could still be friends, and I very much wanted to, but I just couldn’t be with her like that anymore. She didn’t like that. We argued, and eventually I lost my head. And then she hit me. We didn’t see for weeks, but in those weeks, I got my life back on track. I got to know my family again. I rekindled ignored friendships. I felt good. Eventually, Dash showed up on the farm. She was a mess, her mane in knots, her eyes red and sunken, her feathers a crooked mess.  She apologized, for what happened, as hard as it was for her, and asked if the offer to be friends was still on. And I said yes. But she never really got over those days we spent together, never got over wanting them back. And neither have I, not completely. But I’m never going back.”
There’s a long, low, silence, thicker than snowdrifts as they build across the room, growing deeper the more time that passes. Finally the silence is broken by two successive squeaks, as Brio reaches his rubber goal, and starts teething on it.
“Wow Apple Jack,” Twilight says, her voice soft, casting her eyes away. “I’m so sorry, I-I never knew.”
“It’s fine. I’ve been doing my best to leave it in the past, even if she can’t,” I say, laying back and closing my eyes. “But I guess that’s life isn’t it? Trying to leave the past, trying to catch a better future, and forgetting the present’s there altogether.”
And even in the cool autumn air, the smell of apples, cinnamon, and pumpkin on the breeze, in the library of the castle, it’s as cold and lonely as winter.
“Apple Jack?” I can almost hear the ice that isn’t there cracking as she speaks, hesitantly lifting her head.
“Thank you for telling me,” Twilight says with a soft smile. “I’m sorry if it hurt, but I feel like, well, we’re better friends now.”
Her smiles melts the snow, and I’m not alone anymore. I breath out a reply, pulling the brim of my hat down over my eyes. “Yeah. Thanks, Twi.”