Memoirs of a Magic Earth Pony

by The Lunar Samurai


IX. Change

I remember walking out of that room with a feeling I couldn’t quite describe. It was like I was weightless, like I was keeping a powerful secret that sent me on my way with purpose. I felt as though the ponies that I passed were drifting by, their lives directed by something lesser than my goal. I was on a mission to change the world, but also to change my destiny.
The journey back to my dorm was a long one, fraught with images of myself and the sage wisdom from professor Spark’s lectures on equality. This was the life that I had always dreamt of pursuing, one that made me want to continue on. The thoughts of both fame and fortune came back, returning to hold the spotlight of my mind as I trotted through the mall.
I stepped back into my dorm, still just as shocked at what had happened over those few short hours. I had broken one barrier, and behind it lay another helpful guidance in the world of my dreams. Spark was on my side, he was laying down his career to give me a chance to pursue what we both desired. He believed in me, something that I couldn’t do for most of my life.
As I stepped into my room and closed the door, I was greeting with the familiar sight of my messy bed, desk, and closet. Everything was as I left it, in total chaos. Papers were strewn across the desk, some spilling onto the floor, and balls of failed letters lay piled in the wastebasket. The bed covers were filthy, evidence of the uncleanliness of my life, and the chaos of my personality.
The window spoke a different story, however, it spoke one of order and beauty. one where I could be free to roam in the serene outside, to lose myself in the clouds of the land below the academy. It was a reminder that I was to be left to my own devices, to make my own rules, to write my own destiny.
My room was a mess, but it wasn’t going to stay that way if I had anything to say about it. Despite my approaching classes, I opted to spend my time cleaning, something I rarely did of my own volition before then.
Now that I think about it, that was the first time I truly tried to make a change in my lifestyle. It would be the first of many, and the cleaning was a type of catharsis for my soul. I was comforted by the fact that I could rearrange things in a manner that made them orderly, I could combat the chaos this world tended to, I could make a positive change. I was, in a sense, making my own destiny as I stooped to pick up each ball of paper and place it in the wastebasket. I was rewriting my future as I stripped my bed of it’s sheets and placed them in a pile to wash. I was finally becoming the pony that I wanted to become. I was going to make a future for myself that was only defined by my own limitations, not the limitations people told me I should have.
That cleanliness, that sense of making things right, were the first bullets shot in my war against society. If only I had known what kind of war I was starting, what kind of casualties would lie ahead, maybe I wouldn’t have been so eager to pick up those failed letters or clean my desk of the eraser shavings.
I must have stepped back from my work at least a dozen times admiring my completion, but my attention to detail always told me that something was amiss. The corners on my bedsheets weren’t exact, so I folded them into perfect creases. The edge of the floor had collected a bit of dust, and I couldn’t have that, so I dusted the room twice. I  picked that space apart until it was the perfect representation of my future in my naive eyes. It was pure, unadulterated by chaos, untouched by the selfish desires of my heart. It was perfect, just like my future, and I wanted it to stay that way.
Time was odd that day, I was shocked to realize that it was already sunset after I had removed all chaos from my room. I didn’t notice I was hungry, thirsty, or even tired. Those vibrant red rays, however, they told me that time was impersonal and cruel. It would continue on regardless of what I wanted. Time was, and still is, my worst enemy.
I yawned, breaking my intent gaze on the room. I turned toward the bed, its soft covers luring me to take a rest from my work of the day. It was a time for me to sit down, relax, and truly believe that I was making the right decisions. I wanted to let myself drift into my dreams, where my spectacular future could become now, where I could live the life I wanted to with no effort on my part.
I rested my head on the pillow as the sun finally slipped beneath the horizon. The red rays changed to deep violet and then to the speckled black night sky above a sea of grey clouds. It was a world which had become so peaceful to me, a reminder of my lofty position in the academy. It was a life that I loved leading, one that made my decisions seem grand and important.
But as I laid my head down onto my pillow, I noticed something off in the distance. A small glimmer of pure white blinked behind a rather dark curtain of cloud. Out there, behind the serene beauty of the rolling clouds, lay a storm, waiting to strike an unforeseen land. The lightning flashed with anticipation of the destruction it would bring. The thunder wasn’t there but I could feel it in my soul. The power of the storm was the strength that I had in my soul to carry on. I was going to be that storm, that force on the school that it could not foresee. I was about to partake on a journey with a map I only was drawing in hindsight. This world told me that I was supposed to go one way, and I was going to destroy that very notion of what it expected of me. I was going to blaze my own path through my life with the power of my own determination and no one was going to stand in my way. In a sense, I was writing my own vendetta against everything that I had known.
The thoughts swirled faster in my mind as I tried to comprehend the future that I could have, but all I could do was imagine power. I wanted it so bad, and I knew for the first time in my life that it was attainable. I was going to be the change in my life, I wasn’t going to let anyone hold me back, and the world was going to watch me climb to it’s top.
The power fueled me, it gave me hope for a life that I could not only have, but one that I would have. I was going to be great and I knew it. it was the most invigorating feeling I had ever felt.
As another flash of lightning lit up that dark cloud and I refused to sit by once more and let myself dream. I was going to make that dream come, I was going to make my life the life that I wanted it to be, and I was going to start as quickly as that flash of lightning in the distance.
I pulled my covers aside and stepped out of my bed. The night was still young, and I had a mission. I was going to be the change that I wanted to see in my life. If not for me, for Evenstar, for Spark, for everypony who wanted to crush the barriers that had been set before them. It was time for my new life to begin, and I was ready.
I sat down in my chair, spun to my desk with a powerful twist, withdrew the quill from it’s well, and began to write. I didn’t know what about until the ink began to flow. As that tip cast immutable letters on the page, I realized I was writing a letter of thanks, addressed to the council, for my acceptance into the major of Advanced Theoretical Magic. I was ready to see my life change, and I was confident I could. I was done waiting. It was time for action.
The words flowed as I began to imagine the life I was about to enter.
Acceptance into the Advanced Theoretical Magic program is something that I have fought for ever since I discovered the field for myself. This honor is one that I will hold in the highest regard. I understand that this decision is one that may receive a large deal of criticism, but I give my words to pursue it with the height of my ability.
I do not wish for any special treatment, and I expect my education to be identical to my peers. I will excel in this program, for it is one that I am meant to be in.
Every world that I placed on that page I felt to its utmost. They formed on the page as my mind drifted to that shining hope that my future had become.
My only wish is to learn, to take in all that I can, to explore the realms of magic and reveal its secrets to the world. I am determined to make an impact on this world and to prove that I can overcome the obstacle of my race.
It was so empowering to put my raw emotion onto a page, to let my heart truly shout to the world in anticipation of my victory. The world would shudder at my power, at the sheer ability that I possessed. I was going to change the world, to make something completely new, to revolutionize anything I could get my hooves on.
My future success starts with my acceptance and will open new doorways for the world to see a new revolution in magic. I will use my knowledge to bring to light the mysteries of this world and to expose them to minds as brilliant as my own. The world will bask in the light of a magical renaissance. All of this can happen because of what you are doing today.
At this point, my brow was trembling from tension as I released the inner emotions into the lines of text. I felt tears well up in my eyes from the strain in my body as well as my heart. I was going to ensure that the council knew my intentions were good, and that their decision was as powerful as it felt to me.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to pursue this field. I will not let you down.
Signed, Starswirl
        It felt right, getting all of that pent up rage and determination out in the open. The surge of delight, anger, satisfaction, and sorrow all began to pour out of my soul. One by one, my barriers began to fall. My entire being shook as my breathing became staggered and my mind began racing through the wondrous future that lay ahead and the horrible past i was leaving behind. This was my life, and I was about to make it exactly what I had always dreamed it could be.
        With nothing else for me to do, I pushed aside all of the work on my desk, laid my head on its surface, and began to let my body quiver as emotion welled up in my eyes. I wasn’t happy, nor was I sad. All I could think of was the fact that my life was about to change, and that I was stepping into the unknown to pursue that something I couldn’t even imagine. I was, in a phrase, blazing my own path through life. I suppose the gravity of that was what finally made me soak my desk with tears.
It felt right, like I wasn’t lying to myself anymore. I wasn’t going to let anyone tell me that I couldn’t do something, and I wasn’t going to let myself believe that I couldn’t do it either. After the nightmare that was my past had ended, I finally had a glimmer of hope. I was going to be okay, everything was going to be okay.