The Humanification Bureau
by Ezn
Inspired by Blaze’s “The Conversion Bureau” and its many spin-offs.
Prelude: "The Awakening"
Twilight Sparkle strode up to the large glass window and stared out of it. She was on the highest floor of a great metal tower, tall enough for the whole of Equestria to spread below it. Her eyes had to squint to make out the dimly lit world outside.
"Why did you do it?" she asked softly.
"You and your friends are heroes," came the reply. "Tales of your exploits have been cherished by your people for millennia."
Twilight said nothing, and continued to stare out of the window, her purple eyes glistened with tears. The ashen ground below her was unrecognisable, and she refused to believe what they had told her.
"But... but this can't be Equestria!" she cried. "Where's the grass? Where are the trees, and the fluffy white clouds? What happened to all the little wooden houses?"
"This isn't the Equestria you knew, Twilight Sparkle. Much has changed since your death."
"Why did you bring me back then?! Is this some kind of sick joke?"
"I wish I could say it was."
The speaker stepped out from the shadows behind Twilight, and joined her at the window. He was a tall, lanky creature – hairless except for a crop of thinning grey mane on the top of his head. The creature walked on two legs, like a dragon or a diamond dog. He wore a flowing white coat, and his face bore a calm, sad expression. His weak, pale grey eyes hid behind a pair of thick-rimmed black glasses.
"Twilight Sparkle," he said gravely, "the ponies of Equestria have become a self-destructive race of spiteful, untrusting creatures. The magic of the unicorns has been twisted and used for dark purposes, corrupting this world. However, the ponies still love and adore you and your friends. We have resurrected you so that you might show them the light – show them the error of their ways, and convince them to let my people help."
"But how? How can 'your people' do anything to save Equestria?"
"Oh no, we can't save Equestria, don't think that! This place is a ticking time bomb of dark magic! What we can do, however, is save the ponies of Equestria – but only under certain conditions."
Twilight gasped.
"Don't get in a flap, my dear. The conditions I'm talking about aren't anything bad, per se, but they are... odd. That's why we need we you and your friends to convince the others to agree to them."
Time passed. The unicorn and the human looked at each other, neither saying a word.
"I want to see Ponyville first," Twilight demanded.
"Can't do that – Ponyville's a crater of twisted magic. Last time I sent a man there, he never came back."
"Wait, wait," said Twilight suddenly. "What does Princess Celestia think of all this? Why haven't I seen her? Take me to her!"
The man sighed, and slowly pulled a manila folder out of his lab coat. He opened it up, and held in front of Twilight's gaze, letting her take it from him with her magic.
"Celestia is dead, Twilight."
Twilight looked out of the window again, and again she saw a dim Equestria. She glanced this way and that, frantically running up to every other window in the room, but she couldn't find what she was looking for.
"There's no sun. It's... gone."
"There isn't a moon either."