Ynanhluutr

by Imploding Colon


Beyond Purpose, There Is Only Want

The Desperadoes climbed sharply, spun, then dipped low, barely clipping the treetops along the last vestige of earth. Bordering the southeast edge of the Quade, Bard dove, swiftly approaching the forested plateau full of pine and fruit trees. Muscles taut, he dropped like an anvil, landing on four thudding hooves.

Rainbow swayed on his backside, flinching from her wounds. Nevertheless, she endured a cold shudder, then lisped through a weak smile. “Bard... thank you.” She gulped. “You have no idea how close I was to bit—”

Bard unceremoniously dumped her on the forest floor.

“Gaaukt!” She bounced, rolled, then came to a wincing stop against a tree—much to the gasping shock of her marefriends. “Ow! Mother-friggin' ow, dude...”

What was that?!?” Bard hollered down at her, his voice reaching strange, caustic decibels. “What in the blue shittin' Hell was that?!?” He shrugged his guitar case, his money satchel, his everything off and reeled angrily above her. “Dubya-Cee and I leave ya alone for five Goddess-forsaken minutes and the next thing we know yer clear across the Quade, waging an unholy war against basket-weavers!”

“Bard...” Rainbow wheezed, struggling to hobble to her hooves. “If... if you let me explain—”

“Oh! Explain! Hah! That'll be mighty rich!” Bard nodded sarcastically. “I've got the good mind to have Mofo here lobotomize yer dag-blame'd skull with his beak! At this rate, that's the closest we'll ever get to scoopin' up a dayum reasonable explanation for why ya just lit up the Luminades' home like fireworks on Unification Day!”

“Please... girls...” Fluttershy shuddered. “I'm so c-confused. Where in Equestria are we? And who is this mean, angry stallion?”

“Fluttershy, darling...” Rarity cowered beside Rainbow Dash along with the other three. “...I'm quite certain none of us have ever seen 'angry' until now.”

Rainbow wobbled on all fours, waving a hoof. “Bard... the Reed was empowered by Verlax's power, okay?” Wildcard walked up to Rainbow's side, reaching two talons to examine her wing. She angrily brushed him off and limped forward, frowning at Bard. “The chaos metal didn't just protect the Reed... it was the only thing keeping it intact! If I had known that, then I would have tried something other than using my pendant on the shoots—”

“Usin' yer pendant on the—” Bard threw his hat down and tugged at his mane. “Flippin' fat farts, Rainbow!” His eyes bulged as he swung his hooves forward. “Do ya even hear yerself right now?!”

“Bard, what do you friggin' want from me—?”

“What I want...” He flung a limb westward, hissing. “...is to know why the pegasus who I thought was a sane and valued friend went complete apeshit and attacked a monastery full of peaceful, Goddess-lovin' innocent citizens!”

“They were living a lie, Bard!” Rainbow shouted back. Wildcard returned to her side, but this time she didn't fight off his gentle inspection. “Why would you defend something so blatantly wrong—?”

“Because I defend a pony's right to life... any kind of life... so long that it's free and peaceful!

“Even when you know... when you've seen the evidence that every single one of those living souls is being coerced by a omniscient dictator?!”

“Rainbow, don't bother,” Twilight grumbled. “Even I don't want to hear what you have to s—”

Rainbow waved her off with an angry hoof. “That's not a peaceful life, Bard! It's a prison disguised as one!”

“Oh!” Bard nodded, folding his forelimbs with a frown. “And so—that's it, then, huh?! The Luminards were all imprisoned sheep and lambs, just waitin' for ol' sheriff Rainbow to come moseyin' in, bustin' them loose from their pens by dismantlin' their very existence!

Rainbow fumed. While Wildcard opened his bandoleer and pulled out an array of bandages and sutures, she leaned back, glaring at the surrounding trees. “If... if the Luminards learn to live a new life... one free from Verlaxion... then that's just a bonus effect of my doing what I had to do.”

“And just what did you have to do, Rainbow?!”

“Have you not been paying any attention to anything I've had to say?!” Rainbow frowned. “To anything I've had to prove?!” She flung a hoof, nearly clipping Wildcard's skull by accident. “There's more to this world than meets the eye! Especially here! In Rohbredden!”

“I swear to Goddess...” Bard glared, pointing an angry hoof. “If you even dare bringin' up this Machine World garbage to excuse yer high-horsin' around—”

“It's not just the Machine World, Bard!” Rainbow swung her hoof across the horizon, shaking her head. “It's not even the entire world! The entirety of everything! If I don't finish my journey...” She pointed at the shivering figures behind her. “...if I don't resurrect each and every one of my dead friends and restore them to Harmony...” She pointed at her own heaving chest. “...I don't even get to reach the Midnight Armory! Nothing gets rebooted! And this whole world—this whole crazy shindig that we're all floundering on goes kaput! Boom! Dead! Gone for good, along with every living pony on it—imprisoned by a false Goddess or not! And—heck—for all I know, it could take all of Urohringr down with it! Who even knows how that piece of hardware is failing without the part that was lost in the Sundering?! I don't! But I'm not willing to take the gamble!” She pointed at him. “Are you, high and mighty guitar-twanging Bard?!”

“Not when it involves the unnecessary sacrifice of peace-lurvin' ponies, Rainbow!” Bard cackled. “That ain't how a Desperado rolls!” His eyes sliced towards the side, meeting Wildcard. “Is it?

Wildcard merely flinched. He clenched his beak harder as he silently proceeded to form a tourniquet, wrapping bandages around Rainbow's wing.

“Bard... that... so called 'sacrifice?'” Rainbow pointed west. “Ponies can walk away from that! Ponies will walk away from that! Guess how many ponies are going to walk away from this world when it enters a cold, chaotic void far... far away from any magic or spark or—”

“So yer just gonna use that to justify smashin' the faces in of every pony that stands in the way of you and yer holy fart crusade! Whew! Great job, darlin'!” Bard clapped his hooves in the forested air. “How nice to know that you've taken the stance of a Divine Matriarch!”

“Bard...”

“Must be easy wakin' up and lookin' at yer dirty reflection in the mornin' if everyone else is just a worm to ya!” He smirked bitterly aside. “Ain't that right, Dubya?”

“You yourself once stated that the two of you were in it with me for the long-haul,” Rainbow said. “That's an easy thing to say... but now I see that when it comes time to doing anything that's—”

“Rainbow, we were willin' to do somethang for ya!” Bard exclaimed, stretching his forelimbs out. His eyes blinked wide at her with utter incredulity. “We was gonna take ya all the way to the Wyverns so that—”

“What? They could join me in smashing my head against the same brick wall?! No, Bard! That's not how it works!” She pointed west. “Yaerfaerda was pointing me to the Luminards' Tower... not east to Rohbredden! Not to anywhere else! It was pointing to inside the Reed. Back when it pointed me to Shoggoth, I knew I had only one place to go. You and Wildcard were willing to help me get there! What happened to the Desperadoes since, huh? Where went the badflanks who thought it'd be cool to rob money under the Syndicate's noses—?!”

Bard pointed. “That ain't even fair and you know it!” He snarled. “The Northern and Southern Hooves were murderers, liars, and cheaters. Doin' them over was no simple money-grabbin' heist. It was doin' a service for every sea in Rohbredden, makin' it safer for innocent, honest ponies! What does destroyin' the lives of a bunch of monks do for the world, Rainbow? Nothing! And the Desperadoes understand that because to play ignorance is to break the dayum code that we committed to from the get go—”

“Bard, for Pete's sake—”

“A code that you knew about!” Bard hollered, causing the leaves around them to shake. “Which is why you took off like a dayum rocket, thinkin' you could get away with doin' something stupid, selfish, and downright cruel without us! Because you knew we wouldn't approve! You knew that we would try'n'stop you! But you went and did it anyway! And when Hell's waters flowed back across the tub, who was there to save yer sorry ass from drowning in it?!” He slapped the soft earth in front of him. “Dammit, Rainbow... t'ain't enough that ya gotta turn yerself into public enemy number one! Odds are, now you've got yer dirty stank all over Dubya and I! How're the Desperadoes gonna pull themselves out of this mess, huh?” He shook his head, lost in a grumbling sigh.

Rainbow remained glaring at him, all the while Wildcard went through his motions. At last, she muttered: “I don't need your approval, Bard. I don't need your so-called Desperado code. And if you're not going to support me all the way on this, then I don't need you.”

Wildcard froze. His goggles tilted in Bard's direction.

“Fine... Fine!” Bard tossed his forelimbs. “Then what do ya need...” He leaned forward. “...Austraeoh?

Rainbow continued, icily: “What I need... is to reach the beacons... release my friends... and save what's left of this world. It's the only thing that matters...” She slowly shook her head. “It's the only thing that's ever mattered. I didn't always realize it... but it's all become clear to me now.”

“Why? Because of Verlax's wise and learned pep talks?!” Bard gestured. “Yer the one who called her 'mad,' for Goddess' sake!”

“Mad... yes... but even still, she knows more than I do. Just like Axan did. And Nevlamas. And all the stupid nasties I've butted heads with before. There's too much stupidity, Bard... a rising tide I can't swim against. Like the edge of the world, it all has to end. Something's got to give sooner or later, and if I'm to get anywhere—Dark Side or beyond—I... I have to learn to...” Rainbow shook, cringed, but eventually blurted: “To adapt. And someday... someday I will get the drop on her... and on Tchern and on Endrax and on everyone and whoever. I will figure them out before their traps end m-me...” She fought shivers. “Before they end everything.”

“Somethin' tells me yer plum lookin' forward to the traps.”

“Don't pretend, Bard.”

“Pretend to what?”

“To know.”

Bard stared at her. He opened his muzzle... hesitated... then opened it again. “Alright.” His voice was eerily calm. “Rainbow Dash." He inhaled sharply. "Did it work?”

Rainbow blinked. “Did what work?”

“The Reed.” Bard's eyes narrowed. “Did you get her out?” He swallowed. “Did you retrieve Fluttershy?”

“... ... ...” Rainbow's nostrils flared. “Yes.”

“Element of Kindness?” Bard craned his neck. “Niceness herself?”

“Get to the point.”

“You want a point? Then let me point you.” He aimed his hoof at the general direction behind her. “Look at her. Look at Fluttershy, wherever she may be. Ask her.” His brow furrowed. “Ask her... if she thinks that what you've done... so hastily and hatefully... is worth the price of bringing her back.”

Wildcard slowly turned to look at Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow stared ahead, a gaze that slowly... icily melted towards the forest floor. Her ears folded, but it wasn't enough to block out the trembling voice.

“Rainbow...?”

Rainbow clenched her teeth.

“Rainbow Dash...?”

The mare closed her eyes. She refused to turn her head.

“Why... why is everyone yelling at each other? Why are you t-talking like this? It's... it's not...” Soft feathers ruffled in the windless air. A sniffling breath... another. “Please tell me this is all a bad dream. This isn't you, Rainbow. This can't be.”

Rainbow shuddered, the edges of her eyelids tearing. She tried coiling her limbs to her side, but it only caused her to wince.

“Please... I just want somepony to tell me what's going on...” the voice wept.

“There there, Fluttershy...” Rarity patted her shoulder.

Twilight leaned in. “I'm sorry you h-had to see this...” She fought back a sob. “I'm sorry you had to see everything.”

“Why is everypony so sad and angry? Did... did Discord do this?”

“Oh Flutters...” Pinkie whimpered.

“Is he responsible?”

“Well?” Bard frowned. “What are you waiting for?”

“Stop it...” Rainbow whispered.

Look Fluttershy. In the face. And tell her.”

Rainbow sat in place, eyes shut.

Wildcard fidgeted. He glanced at Bard.

“Fine! That's perfectly fine!” Bard tossed his forelimbs. “If you won't do it, then I will! Ahem.” He trotted forward, putting on a plastic grin as he stared into the vicinity closest to Rainbow. “Fluttershy? Darlin'?”

Rainbow's teeth showed. “Do not—”

“Celestia, no—” Rarity flinched.

Bard smiled wide, his voice disgustingly melodic: “Yer Harmony-lurvin' pal Rainbow Dash figured it was A-okay to tear down an entire civilization just to bring back yer purdy little hide—”

“Rrrr-Raaaaaugh!” Rainbow tore Wildcard's bandages apart, leaping forward. The sudden force of her lunge shoved Bard hard to the ground. Before he could get up, she leered over him, pointing a savage hoof. “You do not! Speak! For my friends!”

“Nrnnngh!” Bard sat up. “They gotta own up to the truth! Just like you do—”

Rainbow shoved him back down, pressing her weight to his chest. “You do not talk to them!” Her eyes flared. “You do not even deserve to say their names!” She pointed at herself. “I am the Element of Loyalty! The Last Piece of Harmony! They are my friends! And it's up to me and me alone to bring them back! Not you!” She pointed, fuming. “You... a lame guitar-humping nopony who's too much of a coward to control his own wayward life that he's gotta throw his stupid little virtues all over everyone else instead!” She pointed at Wildcard. “You even got a ninja parrot to do all the real dirty work for you! When have you ever risked anything that you could even come close to saying that you've loved?!”

Rainbow,” Rarity frowned. “I do believe that's quite enough!”

Bard looked up at Rainbow, fuming. “You dun know me—”

“What I know... is a dead weight when I see one!” Rainbow snarled. “Even a couple of deadweights! If you're not going to help me, then get the buck out of my horizon!”

Bard opened his mouth—but he froze in place. Blinking. “Are... are you saying—”

Rainbow hollered: “I'm telling you—”

Pinkie winced. “Dashie, no—!”

“—scram!” Rainbow hollered, seething.

Bard stared at her.

“Go on!” Rainbow flung her hoof. “Beat it! Take off to White Barge or Blue Barge or Crap Barge or whatever!” She spun around, tail flicking. “Take a hike, Desperadoes!” She shuddered, glaring down at the forest floor. “Your stupid train stops here!”

Wildcard winced. Chewing on his lower beak, he glanced over at Bard.

Bard stared in silence. Slowly—with extraordinary grace, under a frigid curtain of deathly silence—he stood up, brushed himself off, then picked up his hat and belongings. Cracking his neck joints, he quietly trotted past Rainbow... until he not so quietly opened his muzzle: “I'll say this one thang—”

“Gotta go out with an encore, huh, Bard?” Rainbow growled.

“Just this.” Bard squinted viciously at her. “Yer so bent over backwards about preventin' the world from dyin'. I only hope—before yer speedy wings finally fall off—that you discover what it means to be livin'. Cuz this right here, Rainbow?” He waved at the ghostly space around her. “This ain't it. And that's a cryin' shame. The most cryin'est shame there ever was.” Nostrils flared for one last time, and he shuffled off, trotting east. “Let's go, Dubya.”

Wildcard lingered in place. He looked at Bard, then at Rainbow. He reached one last time for her tattered bandages—

“Leave it,” Bard said.

Wildcard flinched. He looked over, his feathers drooping.

“I said leave it!” Bard adjusted his hat. The barest hint of a profile faced away from the sunset. “Ya can't fix what's broken inside. No matter how hard ya try.” He spread his wings. “I should know. At least somepony does.” Thwooosh! And then he was a shadow against the breeze.

Wildcard fidgeted. His goggled lenses swam one last time in Rainbow's direction.

“What are ya waiting for, ya melon fudge...” Rainbow faced away from him, body limp... twitching. “Your partner's waiting.”

Twilight, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie stared in gaping silence.

Wildcard exhaled. He opened his beak for a brief moment... lingered... then closed it. Fwooosh! In a murking streak, he was gone.

Rarity let out a tiny whimper.

“Oh gosh...” Pinkie mewled like a kitten. She hobbled desperately after the two departing shapes along the horizon. “Oh gibbity gobboty gosherkins! No no no no!” She bounced up and down, waving her forelimbs. “Bard! Come back, Bard! Barrrrd!”

“Who w-were they?” Fluttershy trembled. “Why did they leave?”

“Barrrrrrrd! Come back, Bard!” Pinkie wailed.

“Not going to work, Pinkie, and you know it,” Twilight rushed past her. “Rarity—try to calm her down—Rainbow!

Rainbow was hobbling across the forest at this point. She searched for an embankment—or a slope of some kind—so that she could descend towards the edge of the Quade.

“Rainbow! Rainbow Dash!” Twilight panted, floating faster to keep up.

“Gotta... look through the rocks...” Rainbow Dash wheezed, wincing as she limped on and on. “There's... there's gotta be something. There's always something.” Her nostrils flared. “Some discarded tools... a bit of twine. I've made a raft out of ancient junk before, what's stopping me now?”

“What are you going to do?!” Twilight frowned. “Build a submarine out of twigs, mushrooms, and mangoes?!” She darted ahead of Rainbow Dash, stretching her arms out. “Rainbow, stop! Just stop!”

“I can't stop, Twilight,” Rainbow grumbled above the noise of crashing waves. “That's the name of the game. You know it—”

No, Rainbow! I don't know it!” Twilight folded her forelimbs with an iron frown. “As a matter of fact, I'm starting to think I don't know anything!”

Rainbow blew bangs out from before her freshly scarred forehead. “Oh really...”

“Because you refuse to explain anything! Like... like what you did just now!” Twilight gestured towards the east horizon.

“What about it...?”

“Surely you must admit, darling,” Rarity said, trotting over with two other mares in tow. Fluttershy leaned nervously against Pinkie, her body still trembling. “While melodramatic and unorthodox, what you did... back there has a tiny degree of maniacal sense. But asking the Desperadoes to leave?!”

“You heard them,” Rainbow muttered, avoiding their gazes... avoiding everypony. “Bard and Bard Jr were just going to hold me back—”

“From doing what?! Being a freakin' supervillain?!” Pinkie Pie shrieked. “Dashie, I didn't want to come across as rude before—BUT HAVE YOU GONE COMPLETELY GRAVEL GUZZLING BONKERS?!

“Pinkie...” Fluttershy shuddered. “Ow... my ears...”

“Look, Fluttershy's out. The beacon's gone. Can we all...” Rainbow cringed, then shuffled forward past Twilight. “Can we all just please give it a rest?”

“Rainbow...?!?!” Twilight gawked. “As much as Pinkie doesn't stand to be echoed—have you truly lost your mind?!” She floated swiftly to catch up. “Sure, Bard may have pressed your buttons a bit but—for Celestia's sake!—I'd be lying if I said I was the only one who agreed with him on... on...”

“Everything,” Rarity droned.

“Exactly! And... and your w-wing!” Twilight squeaked, wincing as she pointed. “Your wing, Rainbow! Your flippin' wing! Just look at it!

“It'll heal...” Rainbow grumbled. “Why not? It's done so before.”

“And how are you going to fly east without it, huh?!” Twilight frowned. “What... you're going to cloud hop or something?”

“If I have to, sure.”

“What does that even mean, Rainbow?”

“It means that I will find a way!” Rainbow snarled, zig-zagging to pass the unicorn's ghostly advances. “I always do!”

“Not on your own, you haven't!” Twilight simply floated in front of her again, frowning. “Deny it all you want, but you'd be mince meat if it weren't for the Desperadoes.”

“Grfff...” Rainbow took a sharp right turn and threaded through the trees. “I don't have time for this—”

“And before them, Theanim Mane! And before him, Nick and Sinrar!”

“And the Jury!” Rarity added.

“And us!” Pinkie grinned wide. A blink, and she flinched. “Uhm... we count too, right?”

“Point is, you're going about this all wrong in every conceivable way!” Twilight folded her forelimbs. “And I want to know why!”

“Friggin' egghead...” Rainbow leaned against a tree, fuming. “'Explain to me this.' 'Explain to me that.'” She barked over her shoulder. “You can't just be taught everything, Twilight! We're a long-flank way from Celestia's study halls! Most things in life you gotta learn by doing!”

“Says the crazy mare who decided to make the lazy, hasty decision of bashing her way into the Luminards' home instead of something patient, thorough, and sane!

“It wasn't 'lazy' or 'hasty.'”

“What was so wrong about Bard's and Wildcard's plan, huh?!” Twilight Sparkle flung a hoof. “Give us that at least!”

“Rrrngh...” Rainbow limped past the tree, nearly slipping on the pine needles and leaves. “I got enough of this from the guitar-plucker. I don't need it from you—”

“Oh don't you?!” Twilight Sparkle scowled. “We... your friends... the ones whom you are ever so loyallll to...” She waved a hoof in a mock salute. “Miss 'Last Surviving Element of Harmony.'” She spat, “We don't deserve a proper explanation???”

“Twi's right, though!” Pinkie said, holding Fluttershy close. “Goin' the Desperadoes' way woulda been waaaaaaaaay easier!”

“Mmmm... and kinder,” Fluttershy barely whispered.

“See?!” Pinkie grinned wide, fluffing the trembling pony's pink mane. “She's already on board!”

“I just don't understand the nature of your concern, Rainbow!” Rarity floated around until she faced the wounded pegasus. “What, did you think we wouldn't have survived the perils of a long sea flight?”

“Or shaking talons with the wiley wyverns?” Pinkie added.

“Surely you're no coward!” Rarity waved a hoof. “And the Desperadoes had proven themselves time and time again to be valuable, dependable assets!”

Rainbow shuddered, staring away from her. "I'm no c-coward...” she whispered.

“Rainbow, talk to us!” Twilight floated in front of her again. “So maybe you don't think hard and maybe you don't plan stuff out but I know that you're no idiot! Something burned inside of you and it came out there in the Quade! If you don't tell us what it is, we'll never get anywhere! I don't care how versatile you think you are on your own!”

“It's like I said...” Rainbow pivoted about, shuffling away from her. “I have to do what I must to get by.”

“But so hastily?!” Rarity shrugged. “With no rhyme or reason!”

“I have to finish this trip my way—”

Twilight hovered closer. “And not the smart way?”

“It's not about smarts!” Rainbow spun again, her voice growing more and more ragged. “It's about t-time!”

“Why are you walking in silly little circles, Dashie?”

“Pinkie—”

“What's the rush, Rainbow?!” Twilight shrugged.

“I can't hold back for anything—!”

“And why in Celestia's name not—?!”

Because I'm dying! Rainbow hollered, and the trees echoed her cracking voice.

All four ponies gaped at her in granite silence...

...until Fluttershy stammered, “You're dying... Rainbow?”

Rainbow gulped. “I'm dying...” She shuddered, the breaths coming out in ragged waves. She swallowed again. “Slowly... each p-passing day... dizzy spell after dizzy spell...”

The four stared back.

“Since... since when...?” Pinkie murmured.

“Since always.” Rainbow gulped. “Since the day...” She raised a trembling hoof to her pendant. “...that I put on this stupid thing... and chose to destroy the statue of a beast...” Her voice took on a hissing tone. “...who took away the only five things in this world that ever meant anything to me.

Rarity held a hoof over her chest.

“And ever since then...” Rainbow seethed through her teeth. “Mrmmm—his chaos has been surging inside of me... leeching off of me... killing me bit by bit.” She gulped. “Death comes in dizzy spells... then nausea... then numbness. I... c-cannot cure it. I can only hope to stave it off. At first... I thought that maybe the Harmonic Prism in the Midnight Armory would solve it. But... I-I never actually had any hope of g-getting there. Not at first. But then I discovered the beacons... the ruby flame in the Machine World. I... I-I discovered that they could continue my life...extend the expiration date. But... b-but only for a short while. Soon enough...” She looked up, panting. “...it just became a short enough time to matter... beacon after beacon... continent after continent... problem after problem. Until I found myself having to keep myself alive just to do important things... awesome things... harmonic things.”

“But...” Pinkie sniffled. “You're still d-dying?”

“I... c-can't outrun it forever.” Rainbow Dash gulped. “Maybe the Harmonic Prism will do the trick. I dunno. And quite frankly, I no longer care. That alicorn artifact took on a whole new meaning the very moment Twilight appeared. Then Rarity. Then Pinkie Pie... and now... and n-now...” She turned, pivoting her head, at last, to stare face to face with the softest soul of the bunch.

A pair of turquoise eyes blinked back, misty.

Rainbow gulped. Her voice took on a foalish tone: “And when I take it off...” She winced. “...the chaos takes over completely. I become a monster.”

“What do you mean... a monster?” Rarity stammered.

“I become chaos.” Rainbow bit her lip. “I become him.”

Fluttershy gulped. “Rainbow...?”

“But... it's a b-beastly version of him. Uncontrollable. Ravenous. No sense of humor or ego or anything... just chaos and violence. I c-could maybe live forever if I j-just let myself become it. Turning over—even partially—has healed parts of me before. But no... I refuse.” Rainbow hugged herself, starting to hyperventilate. “You don't know true chaos. That wasn't a monster that crashed the Luminards back there. N-no, it was me. They don't want the beast... they don't want... d-don't want...” Her voice squeaked as the seething voice gave way to frantic tears.

Rarity and Pinkie bunched in together next to Fluttershy.

“... ... ...they... th-they scooped up my body like roadkill... the Ledomaritans... they hooked me up to things... chaotic things... metal... dust... like Verlax's... but a machine... a poor mimic of what lies beneath us. Unholy... scrkkkt And... and they cultivated the chaos inside of me... and they fed it... th-they fed me... heheheh... heheheheheheh!” She looked up, and her eyes briefly flickered red-on-yellow, forcing the mares to jolt. “They fed me! They fed me they fed me they fed me and... and I... I...” She shook, heaved, then hissed: “I killed them! I killed so many of them!”

Fluttershy recoiled, face retching in horror.

“And I couldn't stop it. I... I couldn't... I couldn't...” She gripped her skull, shuddering all over. “Thank Celestia I barely remember it! Praise Luna that Bellesmith and Pilate took me in... instead of throwing me into a deep, dark chasm like any sane pony should have! And when... and when and when and when they proved th-that a cr-crazy freak of chaos and harmony like m-me could actually have friends again... I... I-I-I...” She flinched, and—on a dime—her shivers stopped. The next voice that came out was eerily calm. “... ... ...I did everything that was in my power to protect that.”

“You mean...?” Rarity breathed.

“We were in a dangerous land... with many dangers... and many dangerous ponies...” Rainbow icily lifted her face, and all sign of tears were gone. “And when it became necessary, I removed those dangers... by being a danger myself.”

“What do you mean 'removed,'?” Twilight stammered.

“Extinguished.” Rainbow looked at Rarity. “Snuffed out.” She looked at Fluttershy. “Killed.”

Fluttershy gulped hard. Pinkie reached in to hug her tight.

“I've... killed ponies, Fluttershy...” Her glazed expression washed over the rest. “Rarity... Pinkie... Twilight.” She gulped and exhaled: “I've murdered soldiers... beasts... criminals... changelings... goblins and cultists...” She held her barely-bandaged hooves out. “...all to prevent things like this.” Her eyes flared. “I have not always been successful... and some of those friends I made? They died...” She shook her head. “But it didn't stop there. Innocents died. Citizens died. Not one... but two entire townships died... all because of me... and the mistakes I've made... mistakes of not being forceful enough to ensure that nopony else is more dangerous than me.” She ran a hoof over her wounded forehead, wincing. “And you know what my only regret is?” She tried to smile, but something crooked leapt into existence, only to fade in a whimper. “I haven't been dangerous enough.”

Silence.

Twilight stood at the front of the group, for her frown was the heaviest. “You should have told us,” she said quietly. She swallowed, eyes hard as diamonds. “You should have trusted us enough to let us know.”

Rainbow frowned, nostrils flaring. “To let you know what? That I'm a slowly decaying anomaly?! That what I am and the circumstances that I have been forced to face have made me anything but the friendly weather flier you all once got to make friends with?!”

“That would have been a good start, yeah!” Twilight nodded. “And then you could have continued by explaining to me—explaining to us—exactly when and where the Rainbow Dash we know and love got replaced with somepony so simple-minded and impressionable that'd she would think that any of that... and any of this would be okay!”

“Hahahahahaaaa...” Rainbow Dash shook her aching head. “Ohhhhhh boy, here we go—”

“Rainbow...” Twilight tried to frown, but it wasn't enough to stop the flow of tears. “Nothing... and I mean absolutely nothing can excuse the deliberate and shameless taking of another pony's life!”

“Twilight Sparkle... Egghead Extraordinaire...”

“It is against every single principal that we hold d-dear in Equestria!” Twilight stammered, her chest heaving as she frowned through her sniffles. “And as a bearer of the Elements of Harmony—the last Bearer... Loyalty Herself... I... I-I cannot even fathom how you would have had the audacity to lose sight of that—”

“You want to know why I didn't tell you all of this before?!” Rainbow hollered. She then pointed aside. “Take a good long look, Twilight!”

Pinkie Pie and Rarity flinched. Together, the two huddled tighter and tighter around Fluttershy. Their shivers were veritably conjoined.

“Go on! Look!” Rainbow rambled, limping around the scene. “They're practically shielding Fluttershy right now! How would you have reacted if I told you all of this when we were alone in the K.M.C.A?! Huh?! Would you have let us continue on with my journey to regain the Elements then?”

“To bring back my friends, absolutely!” Twilight wiped her chin. “But with this deluded version of you at the helm—”

“Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh but but but but BUT!” Rainbow snapped at her. “Guess what, Twilight! It's a huge, friggin', cruel world! And Equestria?! This place that you and I know and love? Where we were born? It's just a sliver on the entire map! A super dinky piece of the whole rotten pie! And—oh—I've tried to do things the 'right' way...” Rainbow held a hoof over her chest. “Believe me. I kicked butt when I needed to, but even I knew when to draw the line—or at least I thought I did. Meanwhile, I watched towns ravaged by chaos monsters and innocent little foals tossed to their doom inside a giant metal death pit!”

Fluttershy yelped, covering her face.

“And this is no bedtime story, girls!” Rainbow hissed at the other three, then turned to frown at Twilight again. “This is the world we live in! A world that's been dying ever so slowly... ever so miserably. And—piece by piece—one continent at a time, a crazy Spark has been trying to make something right out of it! And I like to think—all things considered—I've made a pretty darn good track record for myself, counting the civilizations that have recovered from wars, dragon infestations, blizzardy cyclones and all sorts of kaizo stuff in my wake! But trying to make it all work harmoniously... way out here?” Rainbow gestured dramatically. “...not so easy when you have a gun being aimed at your best friend's skull! Or seeing half-eviscerated ponies being roasted alive in dragonfire! Or... or...” Her voice trailed off, and she trembled briefly upon the cusp of a fractured breath. “...entire buildings... s-set ablaze...”

Fluttershy was weeping at this point. Rarity did her best to console her. “Rainbow, really...” She gulped back some bile and shuddered. “M-must you...?”

Yes, Rarity! I must! Don't you get it?!” Rainbow spun about, staring at Twilight with a pale expression. “I must continue! I have no choice!” She shook her head. “I didn't asked to be Austraeoh! I didn't ask to be this... this crazy chaosy/harmony hybridy thingy! But... f-for better or for worse, I've been called! I wasn't the first pony, but—Celestia help me—if I'm not the last, then I don't know who will be... and darned if they won't be the awesome one to get the job done! Don't you get it?! Don't... don't you see, Twilight?!”

Twilight glared at her, her tears staved for the time-being. “What I see... is a very sick pony... whose entire troubles began when she made the choice... to murder Discord while wearing a piece of our most sacred magic.”

“Twilight...” Rainbow frowned. “Your... sacred magic? It's been wielded less-than-peacefully before... and by those you might even admire—”

And...” Twilight sneered, pointing west. “...what I saw today was a pony who was so driven by despair...by the throes of her own self-righteous nihilism... that she chose... by her own will... to destroy the lives of countless, good-natured equines... just to further her quest—”

“So what, then?!” Rainbow shrugged. “We just shove Fluttershy right back in—?!”

“And if you think, Rainbow Dash... that I or Pinkie Pie or Fluttershy or Rarity are going to be... in any way, shape, or form... OKAY with you taking us... hijacking us... mmmfusing us, the Elements of Harmony, to commit more acts of violence in some way to validate your outrageously twisted methods—”

“Twilight, if I let myself die... the whole world's screwed!” Rainbow barked. “If I don't get Fluttershy, the whole world's screwed!” She gestured with both hooves. “If I don't get Applejack, guess what?!” She shrugged wildly. “And if I don't make it to the Midnight Armory and back, fetching the Harmonic Prism and striking as many beacons along the way that I can...” She grimaced. “Do you understand now, Twilight?! There'll be no restoring you and there'll be no restoring this world and there'll be no restoring Urohringr! Haven't you ever once thought of looking at the big picture?”

“You mean like Verlax?”

NO!” Rainbow frowned. “Like the super smart friggin' egghead that you are! Or at least you once were! Maybe now you get why I couldn't just tell you! Or show you!” Rainbow's ears folded as she said, “Because of this, Twilight! Because of all this! I tried... for so long I tried to make myself, this world, this quest seem like something you could have been cool with! That wouldn't make you flip out!” She pointed aside. “That wouldn't make somepony like Fluttershy a dribbling, bawling mess! But I can't do that anymore! Verlax is making it impossible! And if it's not her, then it's going to be whatever I face... whatever we face on the other side!”

“Rainbow Dash, we are not going on this sojourn with you,” Rarity said.

Rainbow flashed her a shocked expression.

Rarity frowned. “Not if this is the sort of price that has to be paid.

“You... you gotta be kidding me...” Rainbow's gaze drifted across the others. “Fluttershy?”

Fluttershy clenched her eyes shut.

“P-Pinkie...”

Wincing, Pinkie looked away. “This... this isn't right...” She sniffled. “I want the old Dashie." Tears streaked. "I want the Dashie I once knew...”

“... ... ...oh you do, huh?” Rainbow Dash shook her head. “Now I see my mistake. You're right, Twilight.” She turned to face her again. “I should have told you from beginning. I should have told you all along.” She chuckled breathily. “I don't even know what I was afraid of anymore!” She suddenly frowned. “If nothing else, I should have been a whole... lot... harder.” She stormed off angrily.

Twilight called out to her. “And you really think that would have won us over?”

“Oh, it doesn't matter!” Rainbow spun to frown at her again. “We are making this journey. It's dangerous and it's frightful, but it's also something that everything depends on, even the corporeal nature of your sorry, ungrateful butts. And we're going to make it to the friggin' Midnight Armory. Even if I have to drag you by your... your... your...”

Pinkie sobbed out the side of her muzzle: “Ectoplasm.Hic!

“That! Right!” Rainbow pointed, fuming. “And I can't expect you to enjoy the ride, but when push comes to shove, and something threatens to snuff what's left of me out like a candle, remember, it'll snuff you guys out as well. And then what will be left?”

“It's not even going to remotely work this way, Rainbow,” Twilight said. “I would rather see the world die with its integrity intact than save it through the way you're pretending to.”

Rainbow Dash's body slumped with a sigh. She glanced aside, eyes dull. “Well, Twilight, it's a good thing that I'm the one who's flying... and you're the ghost.”

Twilight's eyes narrowed. “I'm your friend, Rainbow Dash. And for the first time since the day we first met, I am ashamed of you.”

Rainbow Dash blinked, breathing heavily.

With a swift inhale, Twilight Sparkle trotted forward. She motioned aside to the others. “Come on, Pinkie... Rarity...”

The others got up on weak legs.

“Where...” Rainbow Dash's eyes fluttered. “Wh-where are you going?”

“The only place...” Twilight murmured without looking at her. “...where I know we will be safe... from you.” And her body started to fade. “Let's go, girls. You too, Fluttershy.”

“But... b-but...” Rainbow gritted her teeth. “What are you all, five?!

Pinkie limped along. Her mane was practically a dish towel at this point.

“Pinkie...” Rainbow grimaced. “Come on. At least you get the crazy sense in all this, right?”

Pinkie paused. She looked sadly at Rainbow, then faded into the same lavender as Twilight.

“Wait—! Don't...” She looked aside in time to see Rarity disappear. And beside her: “Fluttershy.”

Fluttershy lingered in place. She kneaded the floor, wincing as she saw the lavender glow of her phasing hooves.

“Fluttershy...” Rainbow held her bandaged hooves together, beckoning. “I... I'm sorry... for all this. For everything. But...” She gulped. “But even you once said.... th-that you cannot be kind to everyone.”

Fluttershy sniffled. “Maybe...” Her trembles redoubled, and she stared straight into her drooping mane. “But... mmm... it d-didn't stop me from trying. Even if it killed me. And...” She shuddered, gazing at her shivering hoof through tearful eyes. “...and I'm starting to think that it did.”

Rainbow gaped.

“Fluttershy...” Half of a pale fashionista drifted out of the ether between them. “It's okay, darling. Don't be afraid.”

“But... b-but I just want to know wh-what's happened to everypony,” the mare wept. “Rainbow Dash... Twilight... those p-poor... poor ponies in the river...”

“And that will be explained, Fluttershy. I'll tell you all. It'll be okay...” A gentle hoof grasped the pegasus', dragging her into the light. “...please...” She led her inside. “...we need to go now.”

“Go...?!” Rainbow barked. “Go where—Fluttershy!

Rainbow saw a pair of glossy eyes flash her way. Turquoise and full of tears and then gone.

She lunged forward, wincing. She gazed down at her pendant, watching as the harmonic ruby pulsed inside the lightning bolt... then vanished.

“... ... ...okay...” She sobbed... but that sob swiftly burned its way into a snarl. “Okay! You wanna play it like that?! Fine! I know how to deal with cheaters! I used to be one myself! You know how to win against cheaters?! You wait them out!” She hollered. “You can't stay in there forever! And even if you did?! I've carried that weight before, ya p-pig headed... guh... grnkk... f-fuzzheads!” She stomped her hooves, voice cracking. “And I did it for months without you! Who says I can't do it again?!”

She spun towards the crashing waves, seething, marching towards the stony shore.

“Ride your temper tantrum as long as you like! It doesn't change anything! I did what I had to do! I've always done what I've had to have done! Out here... harmony?! It works differently! I've come to accept it! I've learned to live with it! Because I can... I-I can... c-can...” She froze in place, her words blocked in by a grimacing muzzle.

Far off, beyond the red-lit ocean waves, dangling loftily above the horizon, Yaerfaerda loomed—a tiny speck at that—shimmering with a cold, distant orange.

Rainbow Dash exhaled. First she shook. Then came the collapse, gently, in waves—until she was a heaving mess, curling up against the dead leaves and pine needles, littering the mud and earth with tiny, delicate tears. She sobbed there, bathed in the shadow of forsaken leaves and uneaten fruit, with nothing but the cold crash of waves to embrace her surmounting howls.


Some time later...

Along the eastern fringes of the Quade...

Among dead rocks... dead wreckage... and dead waters...

A single scrap of a soul shuffled from shoal to shoal, dragging out into the foaming surf a flimsily reassembled watercraft fashioned out of the halves of two different lifeboats.

Rainbow grunted, struggling to lift a bent, rusted excuse for a mast. Nevertheless, through patience, perseverance, and the scant nautical things that both Nick and Theanim Mane taught her, she was able to attach the patchwork remains of a sail that she scavenged from a wreck against the Quade about twenty yards back.

Once she had everything together, she tossed in a heavy sack of ocean mangoes, followed by some twine, an oar, a tiny crate of more scavenged tools, and what resembled a rusty scimitar. All of these she placed tightly against Luna's saddlebag, and then the mare took her rightful place near the stern of the tiny-tiny boat.

Rainbow Dash paused all of the sudden. Behind her, the sun had begun its dreadful dip into the gray waters of the Quade. Far ahead—due east—a moldy black cloud loomed, rumbling from north to south. The moist aura of incoming rain sent a silver sheen across the choppy waters, and through it all—faithful and strong—Yaerfaerda continued its endless orange pulse.

Rainbow bit her lip. She gazed straight up at the last bit of sun-kissed clouds. The sky in between was empty, cold, a frigid malaise where even scaled wings refused to tread.

With a shudder, Rainbow Dash glanced down. She felt the weight of her pendant—now heavier than ever before. She clasped it between two bandaged hooves, wincing from the awkward, makeshift tourniquet she had used to stabilize her punctured wing. She knew of a quick way to heal it, but she refused.

“I'm sorry...” She murmured, cupping the lightning bolt tighter... closer. “I'm so sorry...” She sniffled, staring ahead. Her muzzle was still caked with dry blood, but it didn't stop the barest hint of a smile forming. “But I h-have to keep going. And some day... some way or another... whether you all appreciate it or not... whether you all help me or not...” She fought a sob, lost, then whimpered: “I am going to bring you all back...” A shudder. She pulled out an oar and started rowing. “I'm going to save you all... I'm going to save everyone...”

Rainbow had nothing left to say. She rowed until the churning waters of the Quade were but a hush behind her. There, skirting the fringes of a brand new nothing, she unfurled her sail... and put her faith in the wind.