Chapter 10: Oh Look, Pricks!
"Bon Bon!" a mint green unicorn yelled while sprinting towards us as we got off the blimp. I remember that she was Bon Bon's friend or something so that means she can go ahead and take her off our hands.
"Package for whoever the hell you are," I said while picking up Bon Bon and dropping her on the unicorn's head. Mission accomplished, now it's time to get back to-
"CELESTIA, DAMN IT!" Gretch yelled out for some reason.
"What the problem, Gretch?"
"Oh, it's just our fucking engine is filled with milk!" She said rather agitated. "How in Tartarus could that even get in there?"
Discord is really adamant about us getting help from that horse. Good thing I don't have a single fuck to give over the situation so I walked over to Gretch and asked what it was she needed to fix the damn thing.
"I can fly these things. I don't know how to fix them," She said while pulling out a toolbox. "I'll see what I can do though. If you can find someone in town that knows this stuff then we can get out of here."
Well shit. Were in some backwater village, and now I have to find someone that can fix a blimps engine in a small amount of time. How did my vacation devolve into this bullshit again? There's no use in complaining about it though since that only makes me sound like a little bitch. So I started heading off in a random direction in hopes of finding something that might point me to something helpful when a pink blur came rushing towards me.
I quickly kicked the thing before it could jump on top of me. That wasn't a good move because when it landed I saw that it was a pink pony that now was missing a tooth. Well now I feel bad.
"Why would you do that?" The pony asked while clutching her face.
"Sorry. I don't take being jumped on very well," I said while offering her a hand to help her up. She looked at it and back to me before accepting it and getting to her feet. I was half expecting her to just smack my hand away, but after I helped her up she gave me a smile. How are all her teeth in there when I literally kicked one out a second ago?
"I probably should of remembered that." She said while rubbing the back of her head. I was about to ask what she meant when I realized,
"GOD DAMN IT! NOT MORE CRAZY FANS!" I started to sprint in the other direction because I do not need anymore of this bullshit. I also don't need to develop a tolerance for roofies in my drinks! When I was halfway down the street something smacked into my back causing me to go directly into a building's wall.
Do you know how painful it was when I hit that building? Well take a brick and drop it on your foot seven times before having a forklift drive over it and park on it until your bones are literal dust.
"Dashie! That's James," The pink pony said to whatever it was that slammed me into the side of a building.
"He kicked you. IN THE BUCKING HEAD!" A gruff tomboyish voice replied. I knew that voice from somewhere but I don't recall from. where. "I knew they were sick in their heads!" Oh right, the bitch.
"Yeah, I'm sick in the head because someone jumping on me causes me to panic. Fuck off!" I said to the mare as I tried to peel myself off the wall. Why the fuck was cartoon logic coming into play here?
"Buck you too, Prick!"
"It's fuck! FUCK NOT BUCK YOU STUPID MOTHER FUCKER!"
"IT'S BUCK NOT FUCK, ASSHOLE!" This is a waist of my time so I just started walking away while giving her a middle finger salute.
"I don't have time for you today," I said while walking away. Before I could get very far though that pink pony jumped up in front of me which almost resulted in me kicking her head again.
"Don't go yet! You have to say hi to Fluttershy first," Wasn't she that yellow mare at the con thing?
"Fluttershy? As in a yellow mare with pink hair? The pegasus that's friends with a lunatic that has a goat's head? That Fluttershy?" The pink pony just nodded vigorously. "Fine, let's go say hi,"
I may have a mission to find someone to fix the damn engine, but that can wait a couple of minutes. Besides if I get trapped here I can probably ask princess horse if I can shove a cactus up Discord's ass for all eternity. What, it seemed pretty effective at the con. The mare just happily started to hop into a random direction and I followed her.
"HEY! WHAT ABOUT ME?" That cyan bitch called out as we got further away. Again I just gave her a middle finger salute while following the pink mare towards wherever the hell Fluttershy is. If she wants to be a bitch then that's how I'm going to treat her.
***Rainbow***
What in Tartarus does that even mean? Whatever, I just spread my wings and flew up higher into the sky so I could get a good view of ponyville. If I was right than the squirt and her friends should be attempting to get their cutie marks in pillaging today. Looking towards a feild just out of town I could see a small fire beginning to form.
How do they even come up with these ideas? Well, how does everypony except Scootaloo come up with ideas? I know she get's them from watching T.V along with that Human show. I don't like the fact she watches it, but it's fans serious pricks which I don't want her to stat acting like.
That fire is starting to grow isn't it? They are also running away from it to. Facehoofing I grabbed the nearest cloud and started making my way towards the now out of control fire. Why do I always have to cover the squirt?