//------------------------------//
// 11 
// Story: Wayward Courier 
// by Speven Dillberg 
//------------------------------//

	So, the scene when I walked in. Six of the ‘normal’ ponies were there, along with some of the guards. There was also the big one, Celestia. 
I’d already seen four of the six. There was Twilight, Fluttershy, Applejack and the rainbow one I’d saved earlier, one of her wings was bandaged to her side. The two others I hadn’t seen before. 
The other unicorn, she was white with a deep purple mane and tail. She seemed to give off this air of superiority that just... I don’t know. Reminded me of those creeps over at the Ultra-Luxe, though.
The other... I couldn’t not think of a chem addict there and then. After all, no-one is that bubbly, upbeat and happy unless they’re on enough chems to kill a brahmin. I’ve seen that, y’know. Dragged a few people to the Followers that were like that. Still, she was nice enough. Also, pinker than any sane thing has any right to be. 
So, they stared at me, I stared at the unconscious one on the ground, and De-Fib the guard was giving me a death glare for running around like I had been. The way I saw it, I killed three men hours after I woke up after I’d been pulled out of my fucking grave. I didn’t need to listen to him. I told him that later, along with a few of the others. 





Rarity was quick to awaken. “Oh, what a horrible coat,” she muttered as she picked herself up. “How can he even stand to wear that?” She shuddered. “And that beret! It looks so tatty. Eugh, the thought of even touching it...”
As the unicorn picked herself up, Pinkie was calmly trotting closer to the Courier. He looked at her weirdly, but she didn’t notice. She was too focused on his hands. Eventually, she was right next to him. The Courier tilted his head and slowly reached out with a hand. Apparently, that was what she had been waiting for, because the moment it was close enough she gave it a sloppy lick just like a dog. The hand shot back and Pinkie Pie frowned. “Why did you do that?” Rainbow Dash asked, very confused.
“His skin looks like chocolate, but he doesn’t taste anything like it,” the pink pony said sadly. Her friends all rolled their eyes, thinking it was incredibly like Pinkie Pie to think a creature was made of chocolate. Her eyes crossed and she smiled strangely when the hand returned and began scratching her behind the ear. Her hind legs gave out as she moaned happily.
The Courier had unknowingly found one of the few spots that could be truly called ‘sensitive’ on all ponies. In truth, he was just treating her like he would a dog. 
“Why is he doing that?” Twilight asked.
“And why is Pinkie enjoying it so much?” Rarity asked, looking a little disgusted. “That’s so... uncouth.”
Applejack, for her part, seemed just as unamused, but for a different reason. She recognized such behaviour from when she would play with Winona, her pet dog. She loved being scratched behind the ear, and seeing this being done to one of her friends rubbed her in all the wrong ways.
The Courier wore a confused smile, completely unsure as to how this was so... stimulating for the pony. He just found it incredibly amusing. If he bothered to look away, he would’ve seen that Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy and Princess Celestia were thinking the same thing.
“Wow,” Rainbow said, stifling a laugh, “he got Pinkie Pie to shut up.”
“I take it this isn’t common?” Celestia asked despite knowing the answer. Fluttershy nodded, giggling at the scene.





I have no idea why the pink maniac was enjoying the ear scratch so much. They wouldn’t tell me, but I’m guessing that it’s like a back massage for them. And they don’t have fingers to do it themselves, so...
Anyway, Pinkie Pie - Yes. Honest to God, that was her name. No I am not making this shit up. Can you guess which one she was? Okay, okay, no need to get angry. As I was saying, she just sat there, letting me scratch her. The rest were either amused or confused. Hell, I was both.





As the Courier continued scritching Pinkie Pie, Rarity went over what he was wearing with a professional eye. The first thing she noticed was the strange green plating on his chest. She wondered how anyone could bear to wear something so scratched and dented. The strange metallic plating on his legs, shoulders and right arm seemed to have suffered whatever fate the chest plating had, the paint scratched or burned off in places. 
What was most curious, to her, was the coat. She had never seen anything like it before. It seemed so light, but was clearly incredibly durable. The material was completely foreign to her, something which amazed her. She had worked with almost every cloth under the sun and for her to not recognize one... She realised that the leggings, along with the gloves, were made of similarly unrecognizable material. “I wonder what he’s wearing...” she muttered.
“Really, Rarity?” Twilight asked. “There’s an alien standing right there and you want to know about what he’s wearing?” she asked, a little annoyed with her friend.
“I mean the material,” the fashionista whispered back. “Surely you’re curious as to what it is?”
“Oh, that,” Twilight replied, perfectly happy with this conversation topic. “I am. I didn’t think much of it, but when we stripped him for Fluttershy, I found the texture was quite... strange. Coarse, but also very smooth. It also seems to be waterproof and incredibly durable.”
“I’d already guessed about its durability, but waterproof? And you’re sure that they don’t have magic?”
“No, and that leads to another thing. I did a quick analysis of the metal plating, and I can’t find any matches to any known metals or alloys. Whatever it is, though, it’s incredibly light and strong.”
“If they don’t have magic, then it makes sense that whatever it is was manufactured using techniques only they’d know.”
“Why’d you stop?” Pinkie asked loudly, pouting at the Courier and giving him her best puppy dog eyes.
“Pinkie, he can’t understand us,” Rainbow said.
“Oh.” The pink pony paused for a moment and closed her eyes, as though in deep concentration. “Why’d you stop?” she asked in perfect Zebrican.
There was a brief, stunned pause amongst the ponies. “Pinkie, since when could you speak Zebrican?” Twilight asked, her conversation with Rarity forgotten when she heard the harsh sounds of Zecora’s native tongue.
“I can’t,” she replied happily in Equestrian. “But I can speak perfect green!”
There was another silence as they all tried, and failed, to understand what that meant, the Courier blissfully unaware of what was going on.





Author’s Notes:
Oh hey, there’s Pinkie taking a bulldozer to the fourth wall! Wait, Pinkie Pie driving a bulldozer... Shit.
I am operating under the assumption that the armoured parts of the Elite Riot Gear are made with saturnite.
And how will Rarity react to finding out that the gloves and duster are made from tanned animal hides, and the pants made from material originally used for ship sails?