Sunset
I was woken up when I felt something tickling my nose. I opened my eyes and was met with a mass of purple and pink hair in my face. I sat up slowly, rubbed my eyes, and looked down at the sleeping figure of Twilight Sparkle. While the previous night hadn't exactly gone according to plan, I knew Twilight needed it, and, frankly, I needed it too. I hadn't really intended for my feelings to escape like that and at such a horrible time. While some part of me was relieved, another felt horrible for putting her in that kind of position.
With a yawn, I stood up and walked over to my dresser to get a couple things before I headed to the shower. I couldn't believe how messy I left my dresser. Not only did it serve as a holding place for several bottles of nail polish, a dozen or so make-up items such as concealer, lip gloss, and brushes, I also used it as a desk. That meant the mess was also made up of miscellaneous papers, the book I used to write to Twilight, and my phone.
It really was a miracle that I managed to find much of anything in the mess I keep it in. I looked back at Twilight and wondered if she noticed the state of it. From conversations we've had through the book, she likes things neat and organized. I giggled at the thought of her organizing this mess.
My things in hand, I turned to leave the room, stealing one more look at Twilight as she slept. That's when I noticed her clutching the Wonderbolts pin in her hand. I cocked an eyebrow, trying to remember when she had picked it up again, as she had left it on the dresser when we laid down to sleep. Could she still...No. I pushed the thought away and continued out of the room and to the bathroom.
Once I shut the door, I took a moment to look at myself in the mirror. My red and blonde hair was sticking up and out on my right side. I guessed I must have slept pretty hard last night, judging by the crazy bed head. Now that I thought about it, it was probably because I hadn't slept very well since the Sirens and the Battle of the Bands.
With a shrug, I threw off my clothes, turned on the water, and stepped into the shower. While I stood there letting the warm water soak me, my mind wandered back to Twilight and the pin, gradually progressing toward what she had said to me about misdirecting her feelings. It made sense at the time, but now I wasn't so sure. I couldn't help but feel like she was just trying to help me feel better and make the night a more enjoyable one for the both of us. Of course seeing her sleeping with the pin compounded the matter. Could I just be getting jealous or am I being rational? I groaned with frustration and once again pushed the thoughts away, finishing my shower.
With a towel wrapped around myself, I walked back to the bedroom where I found Twilight sitting on the bed, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.
“Morning Twilight,” I said, walking past the bed and into the closet.
There was a grumble in response which made me giggle. Either she's not much of a morning person or she didn't sleep well. Seeing as how she had the pin in her hand this morning, it was probably that she didn't sleep. I figured I'd ask her later.
“Hey Sunset, sorry for the grumble. I had a hard time staying asleep last night. You know, new bed and all.”
I nodded and perused my clothes, my earlier thoughts returning with full force. The feeling of jealousy seemed to come back almost full force. Maybe Twilight wasn't as over Rainbow Dash as she thought she was. “I know how that is. I haven't slept well in a while, but last night I slept like a baby. I think that might be thanks to you,” I said, glancing at her and smiling. I noticed she was now biting her lower lip and turning slightly red.
“Well, I meant what I said last night. Every word.”
I pulled out my usual sea green top with the sheer yellow trim along the bottom, skinny blue jeans, and a leather jacket off the rack. I had thought about wearing something a little different today, but I suddenly didn't feel like it.
“I'll let you get dressed. I'm going to go freshen up.”
I nodded. “Okay. I'll be here.”
As I dressed, I had the idea of meeting the girls for coffee. Twilight might enjoy being around her friends here and we also wouldn't be trapped within the loft the entire day. She probably wouldn't go for it though, seeing as she asked me to keep her visit here quiet. As I pulled on my boots, my phone on the dresser beeped. When I went over and looked at it, my eyes widened.
We're on our way over! We've got coffee too!
Panic flooded over me. I had completely forgotten that I had made plans with them to spend the day out at the mall and going to see a movie. I couldn't just send them away without some sort of explanation.
You might want to grab an extra coffee. Twilight is here. I'm sorry I didn't tell you...
It took longer than usual for Rarity to respond. It was an unbearable minute I spent worried they'd be furious with me for not telling them sooner, but then my phone beeped once more.
It's okay darling. I'm sure there was a good reason. An extra coffee for Twilight, coming up.
Thanks Rares.
I locked my phone and sat down on the bed. I was both relieved and terrified. Relieved that my friends understood, but terrified of how Twilight was going to react to them coming over. At the same time, I could how she reacts to Rainbow Dash being around her. The last thought made me feel physically ill. That's something the old me would want to do, and that's not who I am anymore.
“Oh Sunset, you jealous idiot,” I said quietly to myself.
“Who's a jealous idiot?”
I jumped at the sudden sound of Twilight's voice. “What? No. Nobody.” I got to my feet and looked at her. “Slight problem though,” I grimaced. “The girls are on their way over here.”
Her eyes widened. “Why? I thought you said it was just you and me. When are they going to be here?”
“Soon. This is something we planned a couple weeks ago that I completely spaced out on. I'm so sorry Twilight.”
She shifted nervously. “Did you tell them I was here?”
My stomach knotted up and I nodded. “I'm really sorry. They were already on their way and I kind of panicked. Rarity said she'd get you a coffee though.”
That last comment made me feel even worse. Twilight didn't say anything else. She just gathered up her clothes and left the room again. I was sure I screwed up big time. I considered texting Rarity and asking for her and the others not to come, but that meant explaining what Twilight was doing here in the first place and why she didn't want to see them. This seemed like the lesser of two evils. Who knows, maybe this would even help her feel better. I mean, if she were actually over Rainbow like she said, there shouldn't be a problem seeing them.
There was another beep on my phone, signaling a new text. They were here. Too late to go back now. I walked through the loft and ascended the stairs to the door. Upon opening it, I was greeted by the curious faces of my friends.
“I think you've got something to explain to us,” Rainbow said.
I sighed and walked onto the roof, pushing the door closed slightly behind me. “I know. I got a message from her in the book asking if she could come for a day or two. When I said yes, she asked that I not mention it to you guys. I can't go into to detail as to why she's here, just know that I'm sorry I didn't tell you and she needs us right now.”
“Aw, don't worry about it sugar cube. Ah'm sure the reason was a good one,” Applejack said.
A pang of guilt hit me when Applejack spoke up. Even though this Applejack and Rainbow Dash aren't together here, I knew that this would probably still affect Twilight in some way.
“Yeah, well, we'll see how she feels. I thinks he might a little put out with me,” I said, opening the door and motioning for the girls to follow.
“Is Twilight okay?” Fluttershy asked as we neared the bottom of the stairs.
“I'm fine! Why wouldn't I be?” Twilight said as she entered the living room, fully dressed.
“Twilight!” all my friends exclaimed, rushing past me and locking her into a big group hug.
I stood there for a moment and studied Twilight. She didn't seem like she was sad. In fact, she had a big smile on her face. I knew that on some level she was happy to see our friends, but I also knew that, despite her smile, she was miserable. I guess I was the only one who could tell.
* * * * *
While we were out, it seemed like a typical day. Twilight had been chatty and seemed happy, but she just didn't quite seem right. After we finished our movie, we went back to the loft. Everyone kind of went to their own place. Fluttershy sat down by the stairs and let Angel Bunny out of her backpack, while Rarity and Pinkie Pie sat with her. The latter, in usual silly fashion, had pulled out a carrot and was trying to teach Angel to do a back flip. However, he didn't look too pleased.
My gaze shifted to Rainbow Dash and Applejack and watched them boot up the game console. It was their favorite game. They were both good at it because none of us could ever beat either of them. When their characters appeared on the screen, and the word “fight” appeared, the sound of buttons being mashed and their competitive jabs at one another filled the air. I couldn't help but smile and shake my head. It was always fun watching them go at it.
Then I looked over at Twilight, who was sitting next to me on the couch. Her demeanor had changed completely. She looked to be a mixture of nervous, sad, and angry. In her hands she was fiddling with that stupid pin again, and she was watching Rainbow as she played the video game. My jealousy was finally getting the better of me. It was clear to me now that what Twilight had said last night wasn't true, or if it was, she was still obviously “misdirecting her feelings.” I got to my feet and walked into my room, slamming the door shut behind me, and sitting down on the bed with my back to the door. I just needed somewhere to cool off for a minute and try to wrap my head around this. I felt so angry and betrayed, so confused. I could feel the tears begin to sting my eyes.
“Sunset? Can I come in?” came Twilight's voice from the other side of the door.
I wanted to say no. I wanted to tell her to go back to Equestria. I was just so hurt that Twilight seemed to have basically lied to me last night. Even if in the moment she had meant it, it had been enough to make me really feel like she did like me. I should not have been so naive.
“Come in Twilight.”
“Hey. Are you okay? You seemed pretty angry when you came in here,” she said, closing the door behind her.
I wanted to just spill everything right then and there but I know I needed to take this slow. Just because I was angry with her didn't mean I had to just blow up. I took a breath.
“I'm confused Twilight. Very confused. After last night you had me completely convinced you cared about me,” I said.
She shifted uncomfortably. “I know and I meant what I said. I do care for you.”
“But?”
A tear fell down her cheek. “Every time I closed my eyes last night, I would dream about Rainbow. I could hardly sleep. By the time I felt like I was going to pass out, I started feeling guilty about the things I had said last night.”
I swallowed hard, trying to loosen the lump in my throat. “Did you really mean it when you said you had feelings for me?”
More tears fell down her cheeks. “Yes, but I'm so confused right now. I do care for you and want to be with you but all these feelings I still have for Rainbow keep hitting me. I don't know how to make sense out of any of this.”
I looked from her face down to her hands, then back again. I wanted to say something about how she'd been holding onto the pin all day, but I couldn't. I wasn't trying to hurt or upset her and I felt like mentioning would have. “You aren't the only one who is confused here. Imagine how this is making me feel too.” I tried so hard not to let tears in my eyes fall, but I failed. “Those things you said last night gave me so much hope, but now that hope has been crushed.”
“You're acting like I can control my dreams and control how they affect me, but I can't. The feelings I have for you are real, I know they are. However, so are the feelings I have for Rainbow. I thought it could be as easy as flipping a switch but it's not.”
I shook my head. “I know that Twilight. I would never expect that from you.” I paused, considering my next words to her carefully. “You need to decide what you want. Do you want to keep depressing yourself by fawning over someone you can't have, or do you want to move on with your life and be...”
“Be what?” Twilight asked after a moment.
“Be with someone who you can be with and who does love you the way I do.”
Anger flashed across Twilight's face. “It isn't that simple Sunset! I wish you could understand how this is for me! I know I can't be with Rainbow, but that's not going to just make my feelings for her disappear!”
I tried my best to stay calm. “I know that Twilight. I don't expect that from you. I just want to help you through it.”
The fierce look she had seemed to fade when she heard the calm in my voice. “I know you do. It just feels like I'm being pulled two separate ways. I can't make sense of it all and it's killing me inside. I can't force my feelings for Rainbow away, and my feelings for you keep getting shoved to the side because of that.”
The last words she said kind of stung, but it made sense. “This is my fault Twilight. I care for you and I'm here for you. I'm willing to wait, I'm not going anywhere.” I made my way around the bed and held my hand out to her. “We can get you through this together.”
Twilight looked down at the floor for a moment then back at me. “This was a mistake. I'm sorry I came here. I'm sorry I made you show your feelings for me. I'll just go.”
“Twilight, no! We can get through this!” I said, as Twilight yanked open the door and ran out. This took my by surprise. I went to grab her hand but she was out of reach. I called after her, “I just want to help!”