The Crazies

by SkelePone

1: Ponyville Community Hospital

"Morning, Scabsies!"

A bubbly pink mare with a propeller hat on her head floated up to me. I just grunted in reply.

Five months without a single word, I wasn't breaking my vow of silence for some random (take that in any way you want) mare. I barely even knew her. She barely even knew me, beyond my nickname and my appearance. 'Scabby the mummy stallion.' Ha-yuk ha-yuk ha-yuk. We were in line at the cafeteria, shuffling along between a pony who I knew was a chronic arsonist and another who was kleptomaniac. I had grabbed a carton of apple juice and a small bowl of oatmeal. And I was beyond irritated to see that the flying Earth pony mare was still following me. I decided to ignore her. Maybe she'd take a hint and go away. So I shuffled my way towards an empty table, ready to eat my breakfast in what should have been well-deserved blissful solitude.

But Screwball didn't go away. She floated along right beside me, using that creepy magic whatchamacallit to keep up with me. I may be covered with bandages, but I can shuffle around pretty quickly. You learn to be fast when you have to around Screwball.
I sat down, still refusing to meet the eager gaze of the silly mare floating around me. She wanted something from me. And I wanted absolutely nothing to do with it and there was no way I was giving her what she wanted. Whenever I gave in to her puppy-dog eyes, I'd immediately regret it and she'd end up causing an explosion in the mare's restroom or worse.

"Scabbyyyyyyyyy..." She groaned obnoxiously into my ear. I winced my one good eye as I tightened the bandages around my muzzle and pointed an aggressive hoof at it. I wasn't talking at all today.

I prayed to Celestia that Screwball would just fly away in the eerie, unnatural way that she could. But she remained, munching noisily on her breakfast burrito. I gritted my teeth below my bandages before losing my patience.

I tossed my untouched meal to the floor and got up noisily. I let out a muffled growl and stormed from the cafeteria. Maybe I shouldn't have stomped my hooves so hard. I could feel the scabs around my fetlocks cracking open, dirtying my bandages. Terrific. Now I have another thing to add to my constantly growing list of problems. I'd have to run them under some water or something to freshen them again.

I slammed the door to my room and made sure to lock it behind me. Of course, that was useless.

"Heyyyy Scabby."

I ignored the mare as she walked about, upside down on my ceiling. It was an old trick. I had seen it already countless times already. I found it effective to pretend that she was being absolutely normal.

I waddle over to the sink in the corner of my room and start running cold water on my bandages. Sweet Celestia that felt good. I almost forgot for a moment that a certain somepony was still with me in my bedroom.

"Scabby," her voice tickles against my ears. Screwball's right behind me, whispering into my ear. "Answer me? Please?"

If I hadn't been wearing bandages, she would've been able to see a bright red blush form on my bare muzzle. But my bandages were still over my cheeks. And the only hint that I was in any way affected was my wavering expression. I could see my reflection shifting from my usual grouchy or worried expression to one that looked outrageously dreamy. I silently cursed the mare for being so freakishly cute with her little propeller hat and her swirling purple walleyes.

"What do you want?" I rasped quietly, refusing to look at her. She squealed excitedly before flying over to my bed and landing in the middle, looking at me with a big, goofy smile on her face. My voice was incredibly hoarse from being unused for so long.

"So I was talking to Screwloose, right? And when we were talking-"

"Wait. Wait wait wait. Screwloose can't talk." I interrupted, shuffling over to sit beside her, "we both know that."

"I can understand her." Screwball explained with a shrug.

"What."

"Just listen to what I was saying! It's imporrrrrrrtant!"

"Alright, alright! Just get on with it. I don't even want to know, but I know for a fact that you won't leave me alone until I hear it. So spit it out already."

"Me and Screwloose have an idea." Screwball whispered with a leering grin. A smile like that from the chaotic Earth pony mare was bad news.

"An idea."

"Yup!"

"Okay," I said, wishing she'd just get to the point already, "and?"

"And it's a good idea."

I put my hoof to my face and sighed. Why do I even bother?

"No no! It's a great idea!"

I withstand the growing urge to roll my one good eye. Damn me to Tartarus. No. Send my flank to the moon, this was not a conversation I wanted to have. She continued to blabber on, thinking of more and more creative adjectives to use to describe her idea.

"It's an amazing idea! An INCREDIBLE IDEA! No, wait, a STELLAR idea!!!"

"Screwball."

"Yeah, Scabby?"

"One; I hate that name. My name is Salmon. Two; if I just wasted a five month vow of silence on something absolutely trivial, I will be beyond pissed. Capiche?" I growl. I was honestly hoping that the medical staff would notice my muteness, so I could make the demands to get my life to be a little more bearable. If I wasted all my time and effort on something as ridiculous as a hospital food sundae made from potatoes, I might end up being thrown into a rubber room. Because I would literally lose my mind.

"Capiche!" Screwball replied merrily with a wink. I give her the 'really' look. I wondered if she even knew what capiche meant.

"Oh yeah!" She bubbles, before I can speak again, "The idea!"

Her face shifted from that of pure silliness to one of absolute seriousness. Her brows furrowed and her expression darkened, her face becoming more grim than I've ever seen it become. When she speaks, her voice is no longer that of the bubbly, giggly mare. She meant business. But even with all her seriousness, one couldn't help but not take her seriously with that spinning propellor hat on her head.

"Me and Screwloose are bustin' outta this place. You in?"

SEVERAL HOURS EARLIER

"BARK! BARK BARK BARK!"

"Who? The Scabby guy? What makes you say I think he's cute? I can't even seen his face. And why in Equestria would he come in handy?"

"BARKBARKBARKBARK!"

"Oh yeaaah... he's been here longer than either of us. He knows this place like the back of his hoof. Er... he doesn't see his hooves much, does he... like his own bandages! And when he leads us out of this dump, we leave him to go along on his own. He's not our problem, and he'll only slow down our getaway."

"BARKBARK BARK B-!"

"Just shut up already, you crazy mare!"

"Sorry, mister security guard pony! We're just having a chat."

"Well, make it quick. She's gotta get that muzzle back on her before I get a Celestia-damned headache again."

"Arf?"