Chapter 3: Woes of Love
“I hate this so much!” Applejack shouted, slamming her head against the table, causing many of the dishes and cups to jump upon contact. She sat at one of the many tables inside Twilight’s castle, surrounded by her friends. It had been a month since the two stallions had started their war over her, and now it felt like they were fighting their war on her.
“Now Darling, it can’t be that bad,” Rarity interjected, dabbing a napkin to her lips. “You have two of the finest stallions competing for your love. I’m not ashamed to say I am a bit jealous,” Rarity giggled before letting out a sigh.
“How is it even a competition?!” Rainbow shouted, taking off from her chair and hovering next to Applejack. “Hello! Soarin is the Co-Captain of the Wonderbolts! How can that puffy dork stand up to that?”
Rarity merely chuckled, causing Rainbow’s ears to swivel around. “What’s so funny?”
“Darling, Soarin might be a Wonderbolt, but he is simply out-classed,” Rainbow glared at Rarity as she talked, oblivious to the glare that Rainbow had fixated on her. Rainbow gave a snort at the answer before landing on the table, knocking over a few glasses.
“Rainbow!” Twilight hollered, a purple aura already grabbing rags and napkins to clean up the mess.
“Out-classed? In what way?” Rainbow asked, folding her forelegs over one another and glaring at Rarity.
“Oh where to begin?” Rarity asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm, irritating Rainbow more. “For starters he is one of the most well known ponies in all of Equestria. Why, with a simple wave of his quill he has made and destroyed careers. Ponies have found his writings to be some of the best in the world, the way he can captivate a reader, making them crave more! Oh it's simply marvellous!” Rarity squealed, fanning herself with her hoof as she talked.
“Take it down a notch will ya?” Applejack deadpanned, watching as Rarity seemed ready to melt just thinking about the stallion.
“Forgive me Applejack, but he simply is a fascinating stallion by all accounts,” she gushed as her eyes seemed to take on a dreamy demeanor. “Why just talking to him must be captivating,”
“Like you would know.” Rainbow shot, “Did he even look at you when he was last in town?” Rarity’s expression changed instantly, glaring at the cyan pony on the table.
“Right. Well, if his professional work is not enough, just remember how many famous ponies he knows, all those parties and dinners he could get you in. And, besides being a good looking stallion, he is rich.” Rarity said, giggling into her hoof.
“Please!” Rainbow Dash shouted, “Soarin is rich as well, and by far one of the hottest stallions in all of Equestria! Every pegasus has dreamed about him asking them out!” Rainbow laughed, puffing out her chest.
“Oh? So have you also dreamed about him asking you out? Showing up out of the blue in full Wonderbolt uniform, telling you how awesome and amazing you are?” Rarity chimed in, her own magic grabbing her tea.
Rainbow’s face lit up like a fire, her eyes going wide as Rarity spoke. “Sh-shut up! I’m too awesome to think about sappy things like that!” She sputtered, giving her head a hard shake. Trying to banish all thoughts of a uniformed Soarin approaching her. Smiling that devilish smile like the one in the poster she owned, pulling down his goggles to look at her, asking her to fly with him.
Rarity merely laughed at the reaction before turning back to Applejack. “But really, why are you complaining? Any mare would kill to be in the situation you are in.” Applejack merely groaned, looking up at all her friends, dark circles under her eyes from a lack of sleep.
“Trust me, the grass ain’t greener on the other side in this little spat. Ah mean when it started Ah enjoyed it. Never had that much attention before and Ah’d be lyin’ if Ah didn’t say I loved getting presents. But after a week or so, the two of ‘em started ta go nuts!” Applejack lamented, leaning back in her chair. “One mornin’ Ah come down ta find somepony Ah never met before cookin’ breakfast fer mah family. Turned out ta be Soarin’s personal chef that he had sent over to make breakfast fer all of us,” Applejack groaned, rubbing a hoof against her forehead.
“That doesn’t sound too bad,” Fluttershy said meekly, holding her own cup of tea as she strained to see around Rainbow Dash who still sat on the table.
“It wasn’t, not till Trenderhoof caught wind of what he did. Next thing Ah know, some of Celestia and Luna’s personal cooks were there preparing our meals for the next few days!” All those gathered looked at one another as Applejack spoke. Each one of them had the same look upon them, trying to understand the meaning behind Applejack’s words, except for Pinkie Pie who looked excited.
“Oh that sounds super duper cool! I bet they know how to make the best cakes, pie, cupcakes, donuts, ice cream, ice cream cake…” Pinkie kept naming off all the sweetest treats she could think of. Rarity just cleared her throat slightly, but Pinkie did not let up.
“Well Applejack, I guess that could be a little much but…”
“That was just the start!” Applejack snapped, cutting Rarity off. “From then on each one of them has been tryin’ ta outdo the other anyway possible. If one got me a dress from the best dressmaker in Manehattan, the other would get me a dress made by the best dressmaker in Equestria! Then one day Ah walk out ta find that Trender had written his love fer me in the sky with the help of some weather ponies. Then, not ten minutes later, Trender’s message is gone and Soarin and some other Wonderbolts drew mah face in the sky!” Once again, Applejack slammed her head into the table and groaned. “They have even gone and bought me charriots, blimps, and even made plans ta put a pool in the back. They’d even used their influence ta have ponies come work on the farm! Soarin sent some Wonderbolt hopefuls ta do some work as well!”
“Blimps? Chariots? Darling why would you ever say this was a bad thing?” Rarity asked, holding a hoof to her chest, as if to slow her rapid heart beat. How she would love to have stallions doing this for her, working so hard to show their love to her!
“You have to be the luckiest mare in Equestria!” Rainbow added in, as she thought about all the gifts that stallions would bring if she and Applejack were reversed. She was mostly thinking of all the Wonderbolt stuff she would be able to get.
“Lucky? Ah haven't had a moment ta myself while workin the fields!” Applejack spat, glaring at the two. “And what kind of work can Ah get done with them two cluttering up the fields with this junk? Ah want a stallion that knows me, and not showering me with pointless gifts ta show they got cash! Ah don’t care about none of that!”
For a few moments, nopony talked as Applejack sat there, rubbing her temple with her hooves, muttering incoherently about the two stallions. What was just supposed to be a nice lunch with friends had turned into Applejack venting all of her built up aggravation.
“What does the rest of the family think?” Twilight finally ventured, using her magic to finally lift Rainbow off the table and back into her chair.
“Oh don’t even get me started! Granny just keeps goin’ on about how she is so happy that two rich stallions have shown interest in me, and Ah got ta pick one soon. Talkin’ about how she’s not gettin’ any younger and she wants some great grandfoals soon.” Applejack lamented, causing a shudder to run down the spines of those gathered at the idea of a Granny Smith demanding more Apple ponies. “Bloom is all jealous about the attention Ah’m a gettin’, and won’t talk to me none. Then Mac doesn’t even seem to register any of it, goin’ about his chores.”
“Have you, you know, told them to stop?” Rainbow asked, her wings ruffled from not being used for awhile. “Tell them it's getting on your nerves or something.”
“You think Ah haven’t tried that? Those two keep blaming the other, saying that it's their fault that this is going on. Then they try to suggest a date to get the other to back off,” Pushing her hat up she gave out a deep sigh. “Ah just don’t know what ta do”
“You might not believe this Applejack, but I know what you are going through.” All heads turned towards Twilight, who was putting a bit of sugar in her tea.
“Really? What stallions have gone nuts for an egghead?” Twilight gave a huff at Rainbow’s comment, her eyes closed as she stirred the sugar into her tea.
“Well, this egghead was crowned a princess, and with that came many suitors.” Twilight placed her spoon down as she began to explain. “Nobles of different families sent their first born sons hoping to gain political favor, high ranking military members did as well. There were even some suitors from outside of Equestria,” Twilight gave a groan as she remembered some of those.
“Trust me Applejack, as bad as this all seems you don’t have actual honor duels being fought over you. There was this one stallion from Roanssia, Iron Curtain I believe, who sent me a bottle of vodka proclaiming he had fought and defeated all other suitors for me, making him the strongest and most deserving. Then to top it off, he actually came to Ponyville once and taught a colt to solve his problems with violence! The brute.”
Twilight shook her head as she brought the tea up to her lips. The memory of that moment still haunted her at times, as did all the therapy she had to help with for the two colts involved.
“I kind of understand as well,” Once more, all heads turned towards the voice, only to find a hunched over Fluttershy, her face half hidden behind her pink mane.
“What?! I can believe the whole Princess thing brought stallions to Twilight, but how did you get them to fight over you?!” Rainbow shouted, her wings propelling her into the air so she was above everyone else there. “Seriously! I am the most awesome pony in Equestria! Why are no stallions fighting over me?!”
“Oh hush, you will have your day,” Rarity said, her aura wrapping around Rainbow’s tail and pulling her back down into her chair. “Now this was from when you were a model, yes?” Rarity asked, leaning in. Her face betrayed her intentions, she was relishing in all these untold stories of her friends’ love lives.
“Yes… and no. I mean, there were a few that were sending me flowers and gifts in the mail,” Fluttershy squeaked, her face turning a bit red as she remembered. “And I really did like it as well Applejack. But then when they actually came to ask me out, well…” Fluttershy swallowed hard as she looked around. “Discord is a bit protective of his friends… I still feel so bad about what he did to Braeburn…”
“What did he do to mah cousin?!” Applejack slammed her hooves on the table as she heard a member of her family and Discord in the same sentence. She had still not forgiven the Lord of Chaos for what he had done to Big Mac.
“No- nothing!” Fluttershy stuttered, holding her hooves out as though Applejack would attack her. “He just talked to him I think. I’m not quite sure, he did the same thing to Bulk Biceps.” Fluttershy lowered herself to Applejack who still looked like she had the intent to kill. “I… I swear. I don’t know what he said… they just kind of ran off,” Fluttershy said, still cowering from Applejack’s glare. “I’m just saying, that Twilight and I know what you are going through.”
Applejack leaned back in her chair and gave out a sigh. “Ah’m sorry girls. Ah guess it’s all just getting ta me. It started off all sweet and nice. Now Ah’m wakin’ up ta find one of em’ has paid a team to put a pool in, another a waterfall. Soarin went and bought me an airship while Trenderhoof got me a chariot. Still, the craziest thing was when Trenderhoof had a statue built to look like me, and then Soarin got one made out of gold, to which Trender responded with gems and it went on like that…”
“Wait…” Rainbow’s eyes widened as she looked over at Applejack. “Are you saying that somewhere on Sweet Apple Acres there are statues of you sitting around?!”