"The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world."
- The G-Man
In the quiet town of Odenton, in the state of Maryland, Lee Richards read silently in his bed, poring over a fanfiction he printed out for the hell of it. He was fine with simply using his computer to find new reading materials, but he still enjoyed the comforting feel of paper in his hands. So he was willing to take the time to make himself a stapled, double-sided copy if he could avoid staring at a screen to get his literary fix.
He looked up briefly to inspect his bedroom door. A young man with the complexion (and figure) of a split pine tree and bright green eyes stared back at him from under a neatly combed head of raven hair.
Lee noted that he should shave soon, as what little stubble he had was beginning to show, before diving back into the written word.
He was enjoying himself with this particular fanfiction, as it was an interesting take on the "ordinary person gets thrown into the world of his favorite fandom" tales. The primary reason he gave this one a glance to begin was because his old buddy Setton had texted him the link.
"You're gonna like this one," he had sent. "Trust me, you'll laugh at this."
It had turned out to be surprisingly enjoyable, as Setton had testified. Currently, Lee found himself blazing through to the fifth chapter, having a merry time seeing this madness weave itself into a mental tapestry of black comedy.
Lee read the next passage silently to himself, and burst into laughter. "What the FUCK am I reading!?!" he roared to his empty apartment. He hadn't had so much fun with a fanfiction since he used Gizoogle to read Creepypastas. He found it amazing, to say the least, how well written it was given the subject matter, especially due to the refreshing spin on the fandom.
From what Lee had learned, there were a staggering amount of stories where some random human - usually an author avatar - gets to Equestria and proceeds to screw some proportion of the populace. Oh, there were certainly those who made an effort to make a serious story, and Lee appreciated their efforts, but the 'clop' was why he usually steered clear of the fandom's productions.
What surprised Lee was the fact that this story depicted a human who arrived in Equestria, only to find that the population is entirely female and insanely horny, and refused to indulge them.
Hence his interest.
Lee sighed. “Setton, you've got a sick taste of humor,” he said to himself, and paused. “I wonder if he missed the fridge horror.”
Lee shrugged this off, and went back to reading. Moments later, he found a line that made him stop cold, and he read it aloud.
"Justice thy name is BOOKCASE!" he cried as he hurled the mare away.
Lee put the fanfiction down, and began laughing like a madman.
In a galaxy far, far away, in a magical land called Equestria, a man named Alfonz just chucked a mare towards a bookcase. Specifically, the one who invited him into her tree/library/home not ten minutes prior.
Why would Alfonz be doing this to his host, who had allowed him to walk around Ponyville unmolested when his life was in peril? Well, perhaps the fact that she was planning to rape him until he flatlined had something to do with this, but that's neither here nor there.
What matters most about this toss is what the man chose to shout at that moment.
“Justice thy name is BOOKCASE!” Alfonz cried, sending a panicking Twilight Sparkle flying towards her own shelving. The poor mare was maddened with lust, but far from stupid – she knew quite well how this tableau would end, and closed her eyes to brace for the inevitable impact.
Only Twilight never made it that far. Mere nanoseconds before she would have hit the books (no pun intended), she vanished. There was no puff of smoke, no otherworldly or fantastical sound effect, nor even a flash of light. Her presence merely became an absence in the time it took to blink.
Alfonz stared in shock at the space where the molesting mare should have been before whipping his head around the room. He thought that she had just teleported out of view, waiting to ambush him, but after five minutes of nothing, he wasn’t so sure.
Where the hell did she go? he thought dazedly.
Alfonz thought about going outside, of fleeing the library before Murphy's Law kicked in. Then he remembered that he no longer had the boon of Twilight's invisibility spell to keep him safe from the town at large.
What he would say next would be so eloquent, that it would be repeated for years to come.
"To hell with that." With that said, Alfonz went to look for the kitchen.
In a galaxy far, far away, there was an ominous THUMP. This THUMP was followed by the sounds of rustling pages and smaller thumps, culminating in an odd shattering sound. And finally, there was silence.
'What the hell was that?' Lee wondered.