“So, your entire family makes up the school board?” Shining asked Faith as they walked towards Canterlot High. “How did that end up happening? I mean, aren’t school board members normally… elected or… I don’t know, I don’t do elections.”
“Well, Canterlot High isn’t really a public school,” Faith stated. “It operates like one, yes, but technically it is a private school. It was set up by my family nearly a hundred years ago. The Element Family has been the backers of Canterlot High, Crystal Prep (which you should know because I thought you worked there), and a few other smaller schools for ages. In the past my cousins, aunts and uncles, and parents were all on the board but slowly they all retired and my siblings and I took our seats.” Faith’s smile faltered. “And… my ex did too.”
“The dark gloomy one, right?” Discord asked as he trudged after them (walking sucked so much and he longed to float through the air once more). “What is her problem?”
“We got hitched right after high school… one of those Vegas weddings… and divorced a year later. I try to be civil and have asked my family to treat her with respect but she certainly doesn’t make it easy.”
“Did she also go on meds that rendered her boring and fat?” Shining asked. “Because that’s what happened with my waifu.”
Discord glared at Shining. “Don’t ever call her that again. I hate that term.”
“Quiet, Stinkybutt.”
Discord took out a notebook and began to write it in. “I just want you to know I am jotting down all my ideas for revenge for when I get my-“ seeing Faith staring at him Discord lightly coughed, “-tuba… back from the… tune-smith.”
“I hope you understand the gravity of this situation,” Faith stated. “I for one am undecided on what to do with Canterlot High but there are some on the school board who want it torn down. It will take a majority vote and I could quite possibly be the swing vote that breaks the tie. I want to help you but I need to see proof that the school is being managed well. There have been… rumors.”
“Good rumors, like that we are the best school ever… or bad rumors like we are the best school ever?” Discord asked.
“Rumors like a junior trying to turn the school into an army, dark magic being thrown around, talking dogs, winged demons, pony girls, and hamsters forming their own little society within the school walls,” Faith stated.
“…so not good rumors.”
Shining chuckled. “What ol’ Stinkybutt is getting at is that everything is fine… the problem at the school is more of a personal one than one that concerns the school board-“
CRASH!
The three men stared at the ruins of the tv that lay at their feet. They slowly turned to see Luna heaving a VCR out the window. “DEATH TO SEX ED CLASS!”
“I find my concerns not put to rest,” Faith said dryly.
The God Squad: Equestria’s Most Wanted
Episode 33: Equestria Boys 2- Return to the Land of Pastel-Colored Humans: The Special Extended Edition DVD Box Set with Director Commentary and 4 Hours of Bonus Features
“All things considered… I probably would have reacted the same way to that video,” Rarity stated.
Tydal pinched the bridge of his nose. “Not helping.”
“I thought babies came from storks,” Fluttershy said softly.
“And where did you think baby storks came from?” Sunset asked dryly.
“…oh!”
Luna stood up, her hands held out. “Can I just make a suggestion? We all go home… and blow this dimension up so the evil scary monkey toe creatures can’t ever find us. Some offense.”
“Don’tcha mean ‘no offense’?” Applejack asked.
“No.”
“Why is mass genocide always your first choice?” Tydal asked. Luna and Celestia gave him a dry look and he considered his words. “Just remembered that I raised you. Sorry, now it makes sense, moving on.” He gestured towards Sunset and her friends. “As I said earlier, I want everyone to understand how this world works and what it means to be a human. You never know when we might need to come here to assist Sunset or she may need to come to assist us.”
“Why would she need to come to Equestria?” Celestia asked, glancing over at her former student; Sunset, for her part, had the decency to look abash.
“You never know. Besides, she’s your daughter so that makes me her lovable grandpa and I for one would like to hang out more with my grandchild; I didn’t hang out with Luna’s kid and we all saw how she turned out. I’d like Sunset to be able to eat a brownie normally…” seeing the looks the other five teens were giving him Tydal cupped his head in his hands. “By my Mother, not you too!”
“What?” Sunset said, confused. “What’s wrong with how I eat brownies?”
“No offense, sugarcube… but ya look like that girl from The Exorcist.”
“Applejack!” Rarity exclaimed. “That was very rude! She looks far far worse!”
“She really does,” Fluttershy stated.
“It is terrifying,” Rainbow said with a full body shudder.
Sunset glared at Pinkie. “Is that why the Cakes always run out of brownies when I come to visit?”
“…maybe?”
“Okay… slight change of plans.” Tydal began to pace in front of the group, twirling the cane he’d found in Celestia’s office in his hands; the head was modeled after his tail-blade and twisting it allowed him to unsheathe a cane sword. “Applejack and Pinkie and Rarity, you get Cadence and Luna. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, you get Celestia and Chrysalis. Show them the ropes, teach them what it means to be human, get them to stop screaming about toes. Sunset, come with me.”
“Where are we going?” Sunset asked.
“Grandpa is going to teach you how to eat a brownie like a normal person… pony… whatever.”
~An Hour Later…~
“Are you sure you don’t want to see the football field again?” Shining asked nervously.
Faith rolled his eyes. “I believe I enjoyed the first 5 trips well enough, Mr. Armor. I’d rather find out why the Vice Principal of this school threw a tv out a window and screamed about how, and I quote, ‘baby makers should not stretch like that’, end quote.” The silver-skinned man rubbed his temples. “I am one that always looks for the bright spot in life and even I am beginning to think that Doubt has a point. I search and I search for a reason to allow your school to remain open but even my ability to seek out the silver lining fails as I-“
“You sure do like to talk a lot,” Discord pointed out, cutting into Faith’s monologue.
“I was state champ in Public Speaking back when I went to school…”
“At Canterlot High?” Shining asked, nudging the silver man.
“…yes,” Faith said softly. “I’d forgotten. It was here, at this school. This wonderful school where I made so many memories. Friendship and love and companionship… all of them-“
WHAM!
“Soccer… balls,” Faith said woozily, wobbling back and forth.
“Sorry!” Rainbow Dash called out, running over to them, grabbing the soccer ball that had bashed Faith in the face. She looked Shining Armor over, an eyebrow raised. “Wait a minute… what is someone from Crystal Prep doing here at our school… are you trying to get info on what we’ll be doing for the Friendship Games?!?”
“The… what now?” Shining asked. “Seriously, what is that? I mean, even by my world’s standards, that is a lame name.”
“Your world?” Faith asked with a groan.
“Shhh, you are just brain damaged, nothing to worry about,” Discord said, patting Faith on the shoulder… which caused the man to topple to the ground. “I’m sure he’ll be fine. And if not we can bury him in the desert!”
“Rainbow Dash!” Celestia called out, hurrying over towards the guys and the cyan teen. She had lost her jacket and unbuttoned her dress shirt to reveal a sporty tank top underneath; she’d also switched to a pair of sneakers, her heels sitting on a bench. “I told you that you didn’t need to kick that ball so hard.”
Rainbow rubbed the back of her head. “Uh… sorry Principal Celestia. I just wanted you to see how awesome feet were!”
“Are you still freaking out about feet and toes?” Shining asked.
“I really don’t see what the problem is with them,” Discord stated, his hands stuffed in his pockets. “I once spent a whole afternoon as nothing but toes!”
“Thank you for that horrible thought,” Chrysalis said, ambling over with Fluttershy. Her outfit had been less formal than Celestia’s so she’d only needed to grab some tennis shoes. “Who is tall, silver, and handsome?”
“Faith T. Element,” Shining said. “Apparently he’s-“
“Oh, he’s on the school board!” Fluttershy said with a smile, sitting down next to Faith and running her fingers along his brow, checking for any swelling. “He’s ever so nice! I wanted permission to set up birdhouses along the school and had to ask the school board. I was so scared but he walked over, patted me on the shoulder, and said that I should just speak my mind and everything would be okay! And it was!” The buttercream teen began to check him over. “I think he’ll be okay but Rainbow Dash, could you get my first aid kit? He could probably use some aspirin.”
“Sure!” Rainbow stated, hurrying back over to their gym bags and pulling out the kit. “Fluttershy took Sports Medicine back in Freshman year and she patches me up all the time when I get in a scrape!”
“I see you found Discord, Captain Armor,” Celestia stated as Fluttershy worked on Faith.
“Yeah, me and Ol’ Stinkybutt had a great time.”
“Celestia, I must protest!” Discord whined, stomping his foot. “Shining Armor is picking on me!”
“It isn’t fun when it’s not you doing the picking, is it?” Celestia asked.
“Of course not, that’s the point!”
Celestia put her hands on her hips. “And has this taught you anything? Perhaps about how it doesn’t feel good to have someone with power pick on you?”
“Yes! Yes it has!” Discord said.
“And could this lesson be applied to you?”
“…no! He’s PICKING on ME!”
“OH COME ON!” Sweetie Belle yelled off in the distance.
“Is he going to be okay?” Rainbow asked. “You’ll be able to fix him up, right?”
Chrysalis frowned. “You sound like you care about him.”
“Of course I do!” Rainbow exclaimed, only to realize what she was saying. “Er… not like that-“
“Coughlesbiancough,” Discord said.
“-it’s just that Faith is the coolest adult there is! He got the soccer team all new uniforms when they wanted us to get them second-hand.”
“That does sound nice…” Celestia began.
“By second hand they meant steal the clothing from hobos,” Rainbow said dryly.
“…ah.”
“Like I said…” Faith groaned, “Doubt has issues.”
Chrysalis moved closer to Shining and whispered, “I admit that I have mostly interacted with ponies when I’ve tried to drain them of their love… but so far every one we’ve met I’ve recognized… save for this Faith.”
“Discord thinks he is my sister’s Element given form. In our reality they came from the Tree of Harmony… but here they are actual living creatures. Considering Twily told me that when Spike came over he turned into a dog… I find it a bit easier to believe that the Elements would become living, breathing creatures in this strange world.”
Celestia, however, wore a frown. “Speaking of that there is something else that bothers me. When we came to this world we each took over the bodies of those that lived in this world. I also believe that Sunset Shimmer did the same. And yet Twilight and Spike… did not. Why?”
Discord shrugged. “Her winning personality? And by winning I mean she has a giant stick up her-“
“Take it slow, Mr. Element,” Fluttershy said, helping Faith stand up. “You might be a bit woozy.”
“I hope you don’t hold this against us,” Discord said. When Celestia raised an eyebrow at the Spirit of Chaos showing concern he grimaced. “The school board wants to shut the school down and level it.” The white woman’s eyes went wide at that and Discord nodded. “Yes, I don’t feel like going to the unemployment office either-“
“It’s not that… we’ll need to discuss this with the rest of the family.” Clearing her throat she said a bit louder, “Faith, if you would come with us we’ll let you meet with the rest of the staff.” The silver man nodded, Fluttershy still fussing over him as they walked towards the school. “As Discord said, I hope you don’t take the little… er… hitting you with a soccer ball thing… against us.”
Faith waved her off. “It’s fine. In fact I’d say it is a point in your favor. The principal of my school taking time after class to join her students in a friendly game? It speaks well to your dedication to your students and how much you care about them.”
“In that case maybe I should hit people with soccer balls more often!” Rainbow proclaimed.
“No no… I think the one time was fine enough,” Faith said, rubbing his sore cranium.
“So what are you doing here, Mr. Element?” Fluttershy asked as Shining opening the door for them to enter the school.
“Well, there are some on the school board who have grown concerned about how this school is being run and I decided to come here to see how things are… going…” Faith trailed off, a befuddled look on his face as he stared Cadence and Luna, who were sitting in the hallway, their shoes and socks off as Rarity and Pinkie worked on painting their toenails. “Uh…”
“Oh, don’t mind us, darling,” Rarity said with a grin. “These two were having some issues and we decided to pamper them a touch.”
Applejack nodded; she was leaning against a locker eating an apple. “I ain’t personally into all this fru fru stuff but it seems to have helped calm them down.”
“These ‘toes’ aren’t nearly so frightening when they’ve been painted!” Cadence proclaimed, shoving her foot in Shining face. “See! Pinkie painted little balloons on them!”
“That’s great, sweetheart,” Shining said, politely shoving his wife’s foot away from his face before leaning in and giving her a kiss on the forehead. “Mr. Element, this is my wife, Cadence.”
“I’ve been meaning to ask,” Celestia said, “I was under the impression you two got a divorce… but you never remarried?”
“Oh… that,” Shining said. “The paperwork never got turned in.”
“I kinda got hungry, back when I was on my meds… when those scrolls are bundled up they look just like burritos!” Cadence said with a blush. Shining chuckled and kissed her this time on the lips.
Discord just watched all this with a bemused smile. “Normally I’d be all for this craziness but we have a guest. Cadence, this is-“
“We’ve met,” Faith stated. “Dean Cadence, I must say that I find it wonderful to see you associating with Canterlot High. I’ve not liked how competitive your schools have gotten and seeing that, at the very least, you and Principal Celestia can consider each other friends warms my heart.” Faith paused, his eyes slowly drifting towards Luna. “Though… I have not had the chance to meet you.”
Luna stood up, padding over to the silver man, a goofy little smile on her lips as she twirled a strand of hair around her finger. “I’m Princ… I mean I’m Vice Principal Luna. And you are?”
“Faith,” he said, taking her free hand and kissing the back of it. “I wish you’d have come to our board meetings… it would have been nice to have something pretty to look at.”
Luna’s mouth went dry and suddenly she had a vision of Faith naked, a few choice ribbons carried by cherubs covering his naughty bits as he rode upon what looked to be an oyster shell.
“What’s the matter?” one of the cherub, who sounded speciously like Wallbreaker asked. “You never seen a naked silver guy riding on a giant clam before?”
Luna shook her head, forcing the vision from her mind. “I’m sorry, I was just horny-DAYDREAMING! I was daydreaming!”
“I’m daydreaming all the time!” Cadence said with a grin as she grabbed her shoes and socks. “Do you two want to be left alone while you try and purge thoughts of that sex ed class from your head?”
“I think we should find Tydal,” Shining stated. “We have some things to discuss.”
“Dean Tydal? The head of Mareatine University?” Faith asked. “Oh… that’s right… he’s your brother, isn’t he? I remember reading about that somewhere…”
“Brother, adopted father, it’s hard to decide sometimes,” Celestia said. She looked over and noticed Luna staring at Faith’s butt as he turned away. “Luna!”
“Those pants are so tight,” Luna whispered, only to get elbowed by her sister. “Ow!”
“Behave,” Celestia stated before following after Faith, who was being led by the teen towards the cafeteria. A few minutes later found them standing near a table where Tydal and Sunset were sitting, several Little Debbie wrappers scattered around them and brownie crumbs littering the table. “Any luck?”
“I think we’ve both gained four pounds and she still scares the hell out of me,” Tydal said. “But she is getting better.”
Sunset rubbed her tummy. “This stopped being fun after the 7th brownie.” Tydal gave her a hurt look and she quickly smiled, placing her hand over his. “Well, the eating part. Spending time with you…”
Tydal grinned at that. “You need to sneak away to my neck of the woods more often. I have a bedroom already made up for you-”
“You do?” Sunset said in surprise.
“Of course… you’re family.”
Sunset leapt over and hugged him, only to groan. “Ohhh…. brownies!”
“See, none of this dang-gum tummy aches would have happened if’n ya’ll would have eatin’ my deserts!” Granny Smith complained, wagging her spoon at Tydal and Sunset.
“Granny Smith, would you mind letting Faith inspect your kitchen?” The lunch lady shrugged and led Faith into the back, muttering how he was all skin and bones. Celestia motioned for everyone to sit down, Tydal raising an eyebrow and nodding towards where Faith had gone. “First things first… I feel we should lay our cards on the table. Girls, you know about… Sunset? And her… past choices?”
“Celestia,” Tydal said firmly, his arm still around Sunset, “be nice.”
“Sorry, father,” Celestia said, not using his name in lieu of his stern tone.
Tydal smiled sadly and patted her shoulder. “She made mistakes and has been forgiven here… I’d say the least you could do is forgive her yourself.”
“I… never blamed her for anything,” Celestia admitted. “If anything she should blame me…”
Sunset reached over and held the princess’ hand in her own. “We both were to blame. We made mistakes and both paid the price.” She got a sad little smile on her face. “I don’t think I could ever go back to being your student, however.”
Celestia sighed before glancing at Tydal. “I think you already have the makings of a better teacher. He did, after all, teach me everything I know.” Celestia then smiled. “And, of course, if the rumors are true about us…”
“Okay, so let me make sure I understand!” Pinkie said with a massive grin, pointing at each person in turn. “All of you came from a world where we are all talking magical ponies-“
“I am a capricorn, which is always better,” Tydal stated. “And Discord is a draconequus.”
“Sunset is your student and maybe your daughter, Principal Celestia. And you are the goddess of the sun and ruler of a whole country! Luna is your sister and Twilight’s maybe-mama, and both of you are Tydal’s sisters and also his adopted daughters. Cadence is your sister/niece and is married to Shining Armor who is NOT Luna’s son and she is the goddess of love while Luna controls the moon and Tydal the sea. Oh, and Supernintendo Discord is the god of chaos and also all of yours brother! And you are all here because you fell into a magic mirror like Twilight does and you want to find out what it is like to be human and to stop screaming about feet and toes!”
“I’ve actually grown to like them, thanks to the toenail polish,” Cadence stated, cuddling up to Shining.
“But now we have a new problem,” Discord stated. “The school board, or more accurately a gloomy little emo named Doubt, wants to tear down the school and fire all of us. I’m all for changes but that is drastic even for me!”
Sunset’s eyes went wide. “She can’t! The portal! Without it… I could never go home. I’d never see you again… I mean, I’d have the you of this world and he’s nice but…”
Tydal gave her a squeeze “Not going to happen. You’re family… family means no one gets left behind.”
“Thank you Stitch,” Discord muttered, earning a good-natured glare from Tydal.
“It’s worse than that,” Luna stated. “You have sensed what I sensed, haven’t you sister?”
“Indeed,” Celestia stated. “It is no coincidence that the portal between our world exists at this school. The air is thick with power here and it radiates through the walls. I feel that it is a nexus point, where the barrier between our two universes is at its thinnest. An attack on this school could very well cause the latent magics of this world to explode… even in a land such as Equestria, where magic is commonplace, that would be danger. Here though…”
“Here it could mean the end of your world,” Luna stated.
“Then we can’t let it happen,” Shining said firmly. “We have to convince the school board to keep Canterlot High open.”
“Principal Celestia!” an orange skinned, blue-haired teen yelled, hurrying over to them. “Principal Celestia!” He rushed over, grabbing onto Tydal’s shoulder. “I just-“
WHAM!
“YOU JUST PUNCHED FLASH SENTRY!” Cadence screamed as Flash crumpled to the ground.
Tydal lowered his fist. “I don’t know who that is.” He stood up and looked down at the moaning teen. “Don’t sneak up on a war god. Sunset, are you still made about him breaking your heart?”
“Nah, I’m over it,” Sunset said. “He wants to be gay, be gay.”
“…well, I’m your grandpa and I’m still pissed so I’m not saying sorry.”
“What the hell?!?” Faith shouted, running out of the kitchen.
“Ya didn’t finish your pie!” Granny complained, chasing after him.
“There is a student knocked out in the middle of the cafeteria!” Faith complained.
“…I’ll go get him so apple ice cream. That’ll help.”
“Ow,” Flash said, rubbing his forehead. He blinked, clearing the cobwebs from his head even as Fluttershy and Faith helped him up. “Principal Celestia!”
“What is it Flash?” Celestia asked.
“A man in a hardhat just gave me this and told me to tell everyone to leave the school!” Flash pulled out a letter and handed it to Celestia.
The white woman quickly read over the note. “It says the school board has elected to… tear down Canterlot High… TOMORROW MORNING!”
“WHAT!?!” Faith bellowed, snatching the letter out of her hands. He scanned the contents and growled. “No… no, this was not approved by the board! My family wouldn’t approve this behind my back! This is Doubt’s doing! She wants to get around me and my vote!”
“She would really do that?” Shining asked.
“She’s my ex wife and enjoys making me suffer.”
Discord blinked. “…you know, I’m retired from evil but I do have to applaud her… she is doing quite well at being a vindictive-“
“So our timeline went from a few days to roughly 12 hours,” Chrysalis said. “Welp, we’re screwed. Who wants to go break into the art teacher’s office and get baked?”
“I love baking!” Pinkie exclaimed.
“Did we just hear that right?” Miss Cheerilee asked, stepping into the cafeteria. The rest of the faculty followed her, as did many of the different sports groups and afterschool clubs (they were all there to get some free food from Granny Smith, which was a bit of a ritual at Canterlot High). “The school is getting shut down?”
“But where will we go to school?” Scootaloo asked.
Cranky Doodle kicked at a chair. “And I was so close ta tenure!”
“I don’t want to go to Crystal Prep!” Octavia complained. “Their music program is ghastly!”
Vinyl merely bobbed her head, not hearing a word anyone said.
“We’re out of jobs?” Mr. Piles asked, taking off his glasses and cleaning them.
“But where will we hang out before I slay vampires?” Sunny Summers asked, her friend Willow sniffing sadly.
Mrs. Harshwhinny collapsed onto a bench. “Well, I guess it will be back to turning tricks in the Red Light District.”
“Of all the dramatic turn of events this is the worst… possible… thing!” Rarity exclaimed, pressing a hand to her forehead.
“Who wants apple fritters? Nothing makes you feel better after your life is ruined than an apple fritter!” Granny said.
“Eeyup,” Big Mac said in agreement.
Faith put his fingers to his mouth… and ended up making a spitty wet sound. “OKAY!” he yelled. “I can’t whistle so I’ll just have to shout!” The students and faculty grew silent as the silver man addressed them. “I’ll go to my brothers and sisters and get this figured out! I can postpone the demolition and figure out our options!”
The assembled group murmured to themselves and Tydal stood up, glaring at Faith. “Is that your answer? Hope for the best? Pitiful.” He leapt onto one of the tables and held out his arms. “This is your school! And this woman… this Doubt… she is trying to take it? Are you just going to stand there and let her?”
“Yes?” Apple Bloom said.
“…no,” Tydal said dryly. “We won’t let her have it.”
“And how do you propose we stop her?” Shining asked.
“We fight,” Tydal said, motioning for the Canterlot High band to begin playing.
Tydal
Do you hear the people sing?
Singing a song of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not let this Doubt win!
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!
Shining and Discord and Tydal (the two newcomers jumping onto the table and linking arms with Tydal)
Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Protect these old gray walls
save the school and gain victory?
Sunset (leaping onto the table)
Any who join the fight
Get into Tydal’s college free!
The God Squad, Sunset and her friends (Tydal glares at Sunset but finally shrugs as they all sing)
Do you hear the people sing?
Singing a song of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not let this Doubt win!
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!
Luna, Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack, and Cadence (texting other students while teachers begin grabbing chairs and tables. Faith watches before joining them)
Will you give all you can give
So that our school will never die
Some will fall and some will live
Will you stand up and take your try?
Celestia, Chrysalis, Pinkie, Rainbow, and Sunset (everyone marches outside and begins to pile up desks, tables, chairs. Faith throws off his tie and joins in)
The blood of the martyrs
Will water the grass of Canterlot High!
The God Squad, the students and faculty, and Faith(as they begin to organize the furniture into a barricade around the school)
Do you hear the people sing?
Singing a song of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not let this Doubt win!
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!