//------------------------------// // Science is fun! // Story: Planet Express's Package Pony // by MrAquino //------------------------------// Derpy sat on one of the tables is the Professor's personal lab. The giant bird from earlier sat in it's cage, slowly turning what was a demonic looking thing, listening to something in French. Professor Farnsworth came back witrh a stack of papers about as big as Derpy herself. "Now Derpy," the professor grunted as he slammed the pile next to her "we're going to test your I.Q. to see where you stand in the intelligence department." "Are you saying I'm stupid?" Derpy asked with a low growl. "Oh no, we just need to see how overdeveloped, or undeveloped, you are in most areas, measure it up, and test how smart you are." Derpy gave Farnsworth the best evil eye, but it made her look adorable than frightening, making him laugh. "Hehehe, if cuteness were part of it, then you'd exceed over everything else. Have fun!" He turned and left, locking Derpy inside. Derpy pulled a piece of paper and looked at it. 1. Choose the right spelling. ALSO Remember this: blue, red, blue, yellow. A. Antidistestablishmenterianism B. The right speling C. Antidisestablishmentarianism D. Antidistastalishmentarianisem E. Antidisastablishmenterianism 2. Define the answer to #1. A. Opposition to the withdrawal of state support or recognition from an established church, esp. the Anglican Church in 19th-century England. B. Opposition to the separation of church and state. C. The manner in which letters are put together to form words correctly. D. Opposition to reformed education prospects and undefined healthcare propositions. E. Opposition to the use of non-human animals in research and development projects, esp. for purposes of determining the safety of substances such as foods or drugs. 3. Unscramble this country name inamrtaiua 4. Unscramble this animal name. clakb-ltidea crjbatbkia 5. What does MMORPG stand for? A. Multi-media online role played game B. Massively multiplayer online role playing game C. Multi millionaires of River Park Gates D. Multiple-man option rugby players game E. Millimeters of rapid penetration of gas 6. What does HTML stand for? A. An internet function that allows the use of macron listing. B. Hurtful, Terrible, Mean Language. C. That which continues to allow majenta an Internet presence. D. Hyper Text Markup Language E. HelpTest Marking Lister 7. What does EBITDA mean? A. Earnings before interest, taxes, depreciation and amortization. B. Earnings before interpoliticizing, taxes, deceleration and apprecition. C. Emerson Brettson's inheritance denerezation annual. D. None of the above. E. It does not exist. 8. What is origin of the world "mistletoe"? A. Anglo-Saxon for "dung on a stick." B. Anglo-Saxon for "double leafed stem." C. Hebrew for "red berry stem." D. Hebrew for "hidden fruit." E. Dutch for "evergreen." 9. In 2007, more people were killed in Chicago, IL, USA than soldiers in Iraq. A. False B. True 10. Which US government official is second in line of succession to the US presidency? A. Secretary of the Treasury B. Secretary of State C. President Pro Tempore of the U.S. Senate D. Speaker of the House of Representatives E. President of the Senate 11. The Byzantine Empire was the western half of the later Roman Empire. A. True B. False 12. Which empire was not included in ancient Mesopotamia? A. Sumer B. Akkadian Empire C. Babylonian Empire D. Assyrian Empire E. Ashur 13. Which elements does it take to spell "nerds" using the chemical symbols on the Periodic Table of Elements? A. Nitrogen, einsteinium, radon, sulfur B. Neon, rubidium, dysprosium C. Nitrogen, erbium, darmstadtium D. Nickel, einsteinium, ruthenium, silicon 14. What atomic number of an element on the Periodic Table answers the math problem of the atomic number of nitrogen times the atomic number of magnesium? A. Fluorine B. Actinium C. Radon D. Polonium E. Neodymium 15. Who is the lead singer of My Morning Jacket? A. Roger Daltrey B. James Jim C. Jim James D. Bob Roberts E. Rob Rodgers 16. What is Roger Daltrey's middle name? A. Edin B. Harry C. Henry D. Peterson E. Alex 17. You went to the store and got 100 packs of gum. Each pack cost $1.50. You give half to your friend. How much did you spend on yourself? (Write it in correct dollar format w/ cents.) 18. Remember? A. Red, yellow, yellow, blue B. Blue, red, blue, yellow C. Red, green, yellow, red D. Green, yellow, blue, red 19. What does hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia mean? 20. What shape was the original game of monopoly? 21. 3, 9, 33, 129... What is the next number? 22. The US has won every war in which what animal was used? A. Dogs B. Mules C. Horses D. Pigeons 23. Which list contains all of the US presidents who were born in Britain? A. Washington, J. Adams, Jefferson, Madison, Taylor, Garfield, and W. Harrison B. J. Adams, Jefferson, Madison, and Monroe C. Washington, J. Adams, Jefferson, Madison, Monroe, J. Q. Adams, Jackson, and W. Harrison D. J. Adams, Jefferson, Madison, Monroe, Hancock, Franklin, and W. Harrison E. Coolidge, Madison, Monroe, J. Q. Adams, Taylor and W. Harrison 24. What is Cockney rhyming slang for "curry"? A. Doris Day B. A la mode C. Ruby Murray D. Abergavenny E. Dancing Bears 25. You have 23 apples and you take away 12. How many do you have? A. 11 B. 12 C. 23 D. 121 E. None 26. What percentage of your brain are you said to be using at one time? A. 10% B. 20% C. 3% D. 95% E. 50% 27. Name this animal. A. Chimaera Fish B. Plesiosaurus C. Blade Fish D. Palenesaurus Hybrid E. Camera Fish 28. What year did this event take place? 29. What is this called? A. Full Pallete B. Full Measure C. The Grand Staff D. The Ledger Line 30. What is the average IQ, by definition? 31. There are 7 months with 31 days. How many months have 28? 32. Now that you know what cockney rhyming slang is, translate this to normal English: rub-a-dub-dub. 33. There is a one story house on Elm St. that is all purple- the roof is purple, the walls are purple, the floor is purple, the ceilings are purple, the chairs are purple, the tables are purple, etc. What color are the stairs? 34. A box manufacturer has the option of producing hat boxes as right rectangular prisms or as cylinders. If the hats are y inches high and x( to the power of 2) inches wide at the widest part of the brim, write a ration of the surface area of the smallest possible prism to the surface area of the smallest possible cylinder. Simplify the ratio as much as possible. 35. If on a computer there's 15 different programs and you can only use 5 each day, how many different combinations are there? 36. Find the measure of angle x 37. Under ordinary conditions, what direction does water drain from a sink in the Northern Hemisphere? A. Clockwise B. Counterclockwise C. Unpredictable 38. Which is the largest order of insect? A. Coleoptera B. Diptera C. Lepidoptera D. Orthopetera 39. Sudoku RulesThere is only one rule: Every row, column and box of 3x3 cells must contain the numbers 1 through 9 exactly once.Find "x" 40. Sudoku RulesThere is only one rule: Every row, column and section of 9 variously arrayed cells must contain the numbers 1 through 9 exactly once.Find "x" 41. Who is this quote attributed to? I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. A. Franklin D. Roosevelt B. Albert Einstein C. Alfred Maddock D. Guenther Rosner E. Dwight D. Eisenhower 42. This song is by Led Zeppelin and is played backwards. What song is it? 43. What is the shortest non-elliptical complete sentence in the English language? (no punctuation) 44. What always ends everything? 45. What English word retains the same pronunciation, even after you take away four of its five letters? 46. A penny's volume is 360 millimeters cubed. If it has a quart capacity, how many pennies can you put into a empty piggy bank? 47. How many letters are in the alphabet? 48. If there are 46 teaspoons of sugar on the counter and you take 13 away, how many do you have? 49. If I say "Everything I tell you is a lie," am I telling you the truth or a lie? A. Truth B. Lie 50. It is an insect, and the first part of its name is another insect. What is it? 51. What is the 9 letter common word in English that will continue to be a real, commonly used English word after you take away one letter at a time until there is only one left? 52. What is the largest amount of money you can have in coins without being able to make change for a dollar? 53. What does "karaoke" mean in Japanese? A. To sing B. Empty orchestra C. Many instruments D. No voice E. Type of raw fish 54. What is the most common name in the world? A. Chen B. George C. Muhammed D. Li E. Jack 55. What is the meaning of the word "lethologica"? A. To be in a life or death situation B. Instruments of death C. The state of tiredness D. To be partly illiterate E. The state of not being able to remember the word you want to 56. Who coined the word, "nerd"? A. Lewis Carrol B. William Shakespeare C. Dr. Seuss D. James Joyce E. Sir Thomas Brown 57. -40 degrees Farenheit is what in Celsius? A. -40 degrees B. -76 degrees C. -21 degrees D. 0 degrees E. 21 degrees 58. If you keep a goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turn white. A. True B. False 59. The ages of a father and son add up to 66. The father's age is the son's age reversed. How old could they be? (separate by a comma and space, father's age first) 60. I am the owner of a pet store. If I put in one canary per cage, I have one bird too many. If I fill the cages by putting in two canaries per cage, I have one cage too many. How many canaries do I have? 61. What is the longest word in the dictionary? 62. What kind of cheese is made backwards? 63. If you are on a Mac using terminal what does the command Killall Dock do? 64. What color was question 41 written in? A. Black B. Gray C. Green D. Blue E. Yellow 65. What color was question 59 written in? Derpy growled to herself and bucked the piles of paper down! "He made you take those questions too?" Pazuzu asked in a somewhat evil voice. "I remember when he made me take that quiz myself." "Really?" Derpy replied "Well... what's the answers?" "He doesn't know himself, really. He puts all your answers in a scanner and determine what you are." "Well I'm tired of this crap! I want to do something fun!" "Hm... perhaps I can help, petit poney. Let me out of my cage and we'll do something fun!" "FINALLY!!!" Derpy ran to Pazuzu's cage and opened it. A couple of hours passed, and Farnsworth came back inside, but stopped as there were papers everywhere on the floor, a small machine beeping, and the fact that both Pazuzu & Derpy sat together, wearing goggles, though Derpy had a flask on her head, bubbling green liquid. "Pazuzu!" The professor yelled, shaking his fist "Get back in your cage!" "But Grandpa," Derpy pleased "Pazuzu and I were going to make the ultimate death weapon." "I don't care! And why the hell am I grandpa!?" "Please," Pazuzu replied "we've been making this, and we theorize that, with a click of this button, somewhere, a planet will explode!" "Explosions are fun!" Derpy added, clapping her hooves "And this type of science is fun!" "No fair!" The Professor replied "I wanted to explode a planet!" "Well c'mon! Press the button! The Science Button!!!" The professor walked to it, but Derpy and pressed it "3-2-1-EXPLOSIONS!!!" Rather than something exploding in the galaxy, killing millions of innocent lives, a single muffin appeared in front of them. Everyone froze. "...It made a muffin?" Pazuzu asked. Derpy pressed the button again. Another muffin. "Two muffins?" The Professor added. Derpy began to press the button multiple times and multiple muffins appeared. "IT'S A MUFFIN BUTTON!!!" Derpy cheered "THIS IS AWESOME!!!" She pressed the button faster than anyone's eyes can see and multiple muffins began to ovewrflow the room. "Back to the cage!" Pazuzu yelled, running back into his cage. "Stop!" Farnsworth pleaded "The building can't take it all!" "MUST... HAVE... MORE... MUFFINS!!!" Derpy yelled. The place fell apart as nothing more than a large pile of muffins was around. Derpy took a bite out of one of the muffins, enjoying herself, but stopped. Her pupils shrunk, followed by her cheeks perking up. She vomited. "Toothpaste and Orange Juice!?!?!?" She screamed again, running to a local pawn shop, stopped and bought herself a baseball, then returned, destroying the muffin button in the process. Her machine now laid in pieces, somehow, mixed with an electronic alarm clock. All the muffins turned into toothpaste and Orange juice, dripping into the drains to the sewers, along with the annoyed groans of the sewer mutants below. Farnsworth walked to Derpy as she began to cry. "There, there." He patted on her back. "It's alright. Everything's going to be fine." "Fine!? How's this 'fine'!? My doomsday device didn't go as planned, and though I loved the idea of a muffin button, they taste like crap! I'm beyond stupid!" She rolled into a ball as owls landed around her, pecking her and taking bits of muffins from her coat & mane. "Oh please! What you did was an accident, and even the most brilliant of us mad scientists make mistakes." Derpy's ears perked, followed by her head. "They-they do?" "Of course they do! Why, half of my inventions blew up in my face, but I never gave up, and soon, with determination, and a crap load of money, I was able to build many of the things, including the planet express ship, though that's still slowly changing." "Changing?" "Small changes to improve things that mattered and got rid of things that don't matter; I'm not like George Lucas after destroying his two famous franchises!" Derpy sniffed and smiled. "Aw... thanks Grandpa." "I'm not your-" Derpy hugged Farnsworth, stopping him as she rubbed her head on his chin. Farnsworth froze, but patted Derpy's head. "Oh Derpy, now I can see why everyone loves you. Come on, you're really quite intelligent." "Really!?" "Well not on my level, but close enough. Come, I think your destroyed machine can be used for something better." "Like what? A Death Clock?" "... that sounds genius! Measure someone's time they have left before they die! We are progressing the study of science by not asking 'why', 'but why not!?'!" Derpy gasped "Yeah! When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade; Make life take the lemons back!!!" "That's right! GET MAD!!!" "I DON'T WANT YOUR DAMN LEMONS!!! WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO BE DOING WITH THESE!?!?!?" "Yes! Demand to see Life's manager!" "We'll make life rue the day that it can Farnsworth's and Hooves' Lemons!!! Do you know who we are!? We're the ones that are gonna burn your house down!!! ... With the Lemons!" "We're going to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!" People stared at the two awkwardly & in silent. "...Screw you all!!! Come! We've got lives to threaten!" Derpy snickered evilly as she rubbed her forelegs together, following Farnsworth into the destroyed planet express building to invent the Death Clock.