Chapter 3
It was early in the afternoon, and the sky was bright and clear. It was one of the most vivid blues I had ever seen, like the gods had painted it by hoof. The world was perfectly illuminated, and I'll admit that it looked a bit like home for a minute.
I had never seen snow before then. It looked a lot like clouds, all white and bunching in mounds, drifting across the ground and painting the world. Clouds never sparkled like this, though. The snow was diamonds on the ground, glittering and sparkling in the sunlight. It made the world all the brighter, banishing shadow and inviting the sun in close.
While I was admiring the strange new view, Neon was shielding his eyes. He grumbled beneath his breath, squinting into the bright afternoon. I peered up at him, and I remember thinking how strange it was that somepony wearing sunglasses had troubles with the light. I told him so.
“Shouldn't I be the one squinting?” I asked. I shuffled my hoof a bit as I realized that might have sounded rude. “I mean, you're wearing sunglasses and all.” Neon gave a wry chuckle.
“Yeah... and I wear them inside for a reason. They're prescription. Light and my eyes... they don't get along so good, so I need to wear them all the time. If it weren't for them, I'd be on the ground right now.” I thought about that for a moment, and then I remembered that he had been wearing his glasses when I'd first met him, too – in the middle of the night.
“Is that why you were wearing them at night, too?” I asked. Neon nodded, smirking suddenly.
“Well,” he said, rolling his head a bit, “That, and so I can keep track of the visions in my eyes.” I stared at him for a moment after that. I don't remember exactly what I thought about him, but I don't think it was anything kind. He laughed, but strangely it wasn't an awkward laugh like you might expect. It was more like he was laughing at his own personal joke. “Not a musical pony, huh?” he asked, brushing his mane lightly. “Well, never mind. Not a big deal. Anyways, was there anything in particular you wanted to do here? I mean, you're the guest, so...”
I blinked a few times, and my face screwed up in concentration. “I, um...” I said, letting the whistling of the gentle breeze fill my silence, “I really have no idea. I mean, I've never even been on the ground before... what kind of 'ground stuff' do you do?”
Neon thought for a moment, tapping his hoof against the ground. “Well,” he said, beginning to meander away, “We've got cafes... we've got malls... we've got clubs... I don't know, though. I guess you've probably got all of those?” He peered over at his shoulder at me, as if apologizing. I shrugged.
“Yeah...” I admitted. “Still, ones on the ground might be different?”
“Well, maybe,” Neon said. A slow smile spread across his face. “I can think of one think you probably don't have up there, though...”
“What's that?” I asked, suddenly a bit suspicious. Perhaps it was the smile, which had continued to spread across his muzzle. Perhaps it was the way he turned: slowly, as if he were hoping I wouldn't notice. Perhaps it was that I noticed he was standing hoof-deep in a snowbank.
“Snowballs!” he cried, whipping his buried hoof towards me. A clump of snow lobbed through the air, planting itself squarely on my face in a big wet mess. I stood there for a while, my mouth hanging open as the snow melted and ran through my fur. Its chill bit at my skin, but it was somehow nice. I noticed Neon's smile start to fade, and shot a grin back at him.
“Oh, snowballs?” I asked, shuffling my wings. Neon's smile continued to fade, and he started to look a bit worried. I spread my wing out, brushing it along the ground. “I think I can do that.” I twisted my wing, scooping up a pile of the cool whiteness and flinging it at the shocked unicorn. He started violently, but he couldn't react in time to escape the avalanche.
“Bwah!” he exclaimed, shaking the mounds of snow off of his face. He threw his head back laughing and gathered another hoofful of snow, flinging it in my direction.
“So that's how you want to play it, huh?” he shouted as I ducked under the snowball. His horn lit up, and I turned just in time to take the glowing snowball square in the face once more. I spluttered, trying to laugh through the snow and nearly choking for my troubles. I tossed another pile of snow at Neon, but he ducked under it and took off down the street. I chased after him, and together we ran aimlessly, stopping only to send another flurry of snowballs back and forth. I don't think either of us were really paying attention to where we were going; I know I wasn't. I was just enjoying the moment with Neon. It had been a long time since I'd been able to do that.
Our miniature battle took us through side streets and back alleys. Snow flew between us, and we struggles to laugh through short breath. We were like school foals, giggling and playing like there was no tomorrow. For a moment we stopped, though there was no reprieve. We stood on opposite sides of some sort of heater. It billowed smoke and steam, obscuring our vision of one another and turning the narrow alley into some kind of ancient arena in our imaginations. We leaned two and fro, each of us trying to surprise the other and gain the edge. Neon feinted left, and a snowball struck me from the right as I fell for his ruse. I laughed, wiping the packed snow from my face and whipping it back at him through the smoke. He ducked under it, and once more we were off.
The alley deposited us onto a broad street. Neon tried to take advantage of the newfound space by turning sharply, but the ground was still slick with snow. A snowball of mine was the final straw, throwing him off his balance on the slippery surface and sending him sliding to the ground. I skidded up to him, barely upright myself, and together we both collapsed in a fit of laughter.
I had no idea where we were. It was just some other part of the city, as far as I was concerned. Neon and I sat on the curb, laughing at each other even as the other ponies on the street shot us weird looks. I think we must have been in a higher-class neighborhood, since they were all dressed a lot fancier than us. Well, fancier than me at least – Neon seemed a bit closer to their level than mine. It's funny, normally I would have felt really self-conscious there or out of place. In a way I did, I guess. I mean, I knew that I was out of my element. All the ponies around us were probably rich, high-society types. I must have looked like a freak, or some kind of country bumpkin, playing in the snow like that. I really didn't care, though. I knew I was out of place, and for some reason I actually liked that.
Neon stopped laughing before I did, although the smile he had plastered across his face never faded. He leaned back, wiping a bit of slush of his nose and adjusting his glasses. Behind them, I saw his eyes flick towards me.
“So,” he said, “snowballs?”
“Snowballs,” I said. It was only one word, but there was a lot in it. It was an agreement, an expression of gratitude and happiness. Neon understood, and he gave a small nod.
“Coffee?” he asked. That time I didn't quite understand the question as well.
“Coffee?” I asked. Neon got up, and offered me his hoof. I took it, pulling myself off the curb with his help. He gestured to a shop down the street, where a unicorn – he couldn't have been older than a teenager – was taking tables and chair inside.
“Coffee!” he said happily, and I guessed that he must have been referring to the shop. He trotted down the street, and I followed after him as he returned to using full sentences. “It'll warm us up after all that. I don't know about you, but I could sure use it.”
I thought about it a bit, and realized he was right. I could feel the snow starting to melt, dribbling down my neck and soaking into my fur. I shook myself all over, getting rid of the excess slush, but it was too late. It had already begun its slow chill, and I shivered. Neon laughed, taking that as a sign of my agreement. His horn lit up, swinging the door to the shop open.
Once we were inside, any doubts I might have had that we were in a high-class place disappeared. Almost all of the ponies inside were unicorns, and they were all dressed lavishly. The stallions wore button-up shirts with handsome ties, and the mares all had their manes elegantly styled and done up. I had only ever seen other students in coffee shops before; tired pegasi with drooping wings and stringy hair, nursing their coffee like it was a life-giving god. The ponies in this shop sipped gently at their drinks from porcelain cups, chatting gently over small treats. I almost laughed at how different it was, how absurd it all seemed. A few of the customers shot me disapproving glances, but Neon seemed to agree with me. He led me to a small table in the back, and we sat down. I unwound my scarf as he shrugged off his coat, both of us letting ourselves dry out in the warm atmosphere.
A haughty-looking unicorn approached us, and Neon ordered two of some drink that I'd never even heard of.
“I thought you said we were getting coffee?” I asked him. Neon snickered as the waiter glowered at me, and waved his hoof.
“We are, we are,” he said. “They just don't call it that here. Too 'common', right?” He glanced meaningfully at the waiter, who coked an eyebrow.
“Your 'coffee' will be right up, sirs,” the waiter said, turning his back on us. Neon pulled a face at him, and I suppressed a laugh. Neon, however, made no such effort. He laughed openly and heartily, his voice like the pealing of a bell. A few ponies looked our way, and I sunk into my chair a bit. I was still in a much better mood than I had been in for a long time, but now that mirth had faded I could feel their eyes on me. The numbness might have been holding back, but I could still feel the familiar wrongness. It was worse than normal, actually. Normally it was faint, barely a whisper, but now it felt as though my parents themselves were standing over my shoulders, glaring down at me as though I had done something wrong. I felt almost guilty. The more I thought about it the worse the feeling became, stifling my good mood.
“Don't worry too much about them,” Neon said, clearly sensing my discomfort. “Ponies like these take everything too seriously. They think they have to, because they've got so much money... well, that and it's so expensive. They figure they've gotta make it worth it, right?”
“Expensive?” I asked, blinking. “It's just coffee, how expensive can it be?” Neon laughed again.
“Oh, you poor naive soul,” he said. “This is a richer part of Canterlot. Everything here is expensive, even the coffee. I bet they don't cost less than five bits apiece.”
“Seriously?” I asked, gaping. “Five bits, just for a coffee?” I reached into my mane, fishing out my wallet to see if I had enough before it lit up up, flying away from me. I looked up and saw that it had been Neon who took it.
“Nuh-uh,” he said. “I'm paying. Don't worry about it.” I stared at him for a moment.
“Are you... sure?” I asked. “I mean, you said it was expensive...”
“That's exactly why I'm paying,” Neon said. “You probably didn't come here with much. I've got bits to burn, so don't worry about it.” He gave me back my wallet, and I tucked it away again. Just as I did, Neon perked up. The waiter had returned without drinks, which he sat in front of us.
“Your Caramel Lattes, sirs,” he said. He turned to me and sneered, “That's 'coffee', sir.” I sunk into my chair again, and Neon shooed the waiter away.
“Yeah, yeah,” he said, waving a flippant hoof at the rude pony. “We can handle it from here, thanks.” He waited until the waiter had left before turning to me and joking, “Man, does that guy ever get any tips?”
“Heh...” I murmured, “yeah.” Kind as Neon was being, the out-of-place feeling had returned. It was as though I had wandered into some place restricted and been caught. Looking at him then, I felt out of place even next to Neon. He blended in with all the other stallions, a pony of class and image. Even his disheveled mane seemed more like a planned style than a proper mess, like mine must have been. I sipped at the drink, trying not to let my discomfort show, but Neon obviously noticed.
“Man, seriously?” he asked. I looked up, confused. His brow had furrowed behind his sunglasses. “I thought I had gotten you in a better mood. Seemed like you were having a good time. What's the matter, you don't like the coffee?”
“Huh?” I asked. “Oh, no... it's nothing.”
“Right. Seriously, it's not because I told you I'd pay, is it?”
“No,” I said, waving my hooves. “No, I appreciate that. I just... I don't know, I guess I feel like I don't belong here.” Neon stared at me, blinking. That obviously hadn't been the answer he expected.
“Don't belong here? Did you wanna go home already?” he asked. I almost choked on the coffee.
“No, no!” I said. I hadn't even thought about that until then, and it certainly didn't help my mood. “I mean, I don't feel like I don't belong here – in this coffee shop. Everypony here looks so rich and fancy... I mean, even you, you're...” I gestured vaguely at his clothes and mane, and Neon looked down at himself self-consciously as I continued. “I'm an engineer. I'm not rich, or fancy, I'm just some pegasus.”
“Is that all?” Neon asked. “I mean, sorry... if I'da known I would have taken you somewhere smaller... but really? I told you not to worry about that.” He sipped his coffee, glancing around the shop. “Man, ponies here just take themselves too seriously. When it comes down to it there's no difference between you and them. You're never out of place if you want to be where you are.” He peered back at me, adding, “Of course, if you don't want to be here, we can go...”
“No,” I said after a moment. “No, that's alright. I'm good here.” I drank from my cup, trying to hide my smile. I didn't know why, but Neon's words had done a lot more to warm me up than the coffee. I looked away from him, my eyes drifting over the patrons of the shop. Suddenly, they didn't seem so imposing. Oh, they still looked haughty and sure, but they weren't being haughty and sure at me. In fact, I don't think they were being haughty and sure at anypony but themselves, telling themselves that their five-bit cups of coffee were worth the cost, and that their tiny snacks would be enough to settle them until dinner. They adjusted their ties and played with their manes, and when I looked back at Neon suddenly he didn't seem so much like them either. With his tie splayed across his body like a pony who had fallen to sleep and his sleeves pulled up past his elbows, he hardly seemed to look like them at all. He was leaning back in his chair, his hooves folded across his belly. I could help but chuckle, and he smiled back at me.
“There you go,” he said. His voice wasn't as jovial as usual, but there was a warmth there. I don't know if that warmth was appearing more and more often, or if I was just getting better at spotting it, but either way it made me happy.
“So,” Neon said, interrupting my thoughts, “You said you were an engineer?”
“Huh?” I asked, blinking. “Oh, yeah. Well, I mean I'm training to be one. I'm studying light engineering at Cloudsdale University.”
“Light Engineering? I didn't know light needed to be engineered. I thought it just... you know, happened.”
“Oh no,” I said, chuckling. “Everypony thinks that, but it's actually much more complicated than that. Light on its own just happens, yeah, but we can use it in a lot of different ways. Like, every year we need to calculate how much light the crops will need to grow so we can plan the weather around it. We can also use the light, concentrating it with special arrays of lenses and crystals to make power. That usually gets used to power the weather factory, but it goes to other places too sometimes. Usually it's just reserve power for Cloudsdale. We don't have unicorns for magic, see, so we have to use technology for any of our bigger tasks. And then there's the different kinds of light – every kind has a different purpose, and we have to make them all from sunlight. There's normal sunlight, pale light, dark light... the kind of light that most ponies know about is rainbow light, though. We concentrate the light until it turns liquid, and them we have to break it apart into its component pieces. The process is really complicated and difficult, so we usually just use naturally occurring rainbows, but...” It occurred to me that I was grinning like an idiot, and I had been waving my hooves around. Neon was smiling at me, and he nodded.
“But?” he asked.
“But... well... the rainbows aren't always pure, see, so rainbows made from sunlight in the factory are usually much more vivid... sorry, I was probably rambling, wasn't I?”
“I don't mind,” Neon said, waving his hoof. “I actually had no idea there was that much to it. It's interesting.”
“Yeah?” I asked, looking down at my coffee.
“Well, yeah,” Neon said. “You must have gotten into it for a reason, right?” I chuckled a bit at that.
“Well, yeah,” I said. “I just thought it was neat. I mean, the way that it's so small, and almost nopony ever thinks about it, but it affects so much. It's literally everywhere, there's really no part of life that isn't affected by light in some way. It comes through on the job, you know? I deal with every different type of pony as a light engineer. It's... nice, I guess.” At the time I thought that part of that must have been a lie, shy as I was around other ponies. I couldn't really think how much of it really was, though. I just smiled back at Neon.
“Sounds like a pretty cool job,” he said. “I've never been much for science or math though, I'd probably never cut it.”
“No?” I asked. “What, uh, do you do, anyways?”
“Eh... it's sort of hard to describe,” Neon said. “I'm sort of like a... single-house musician?” I peered at him for a while and his brow furrowed in concentration, seeking the best way to describe his profession. “It's like a DJ,” he said, “except DJs mostly just have other ponies' music, right? They mix and remix it, but it's still other ponies' stuff. I don't do that. I make all my own music for the club – I even sing for it, do live shows and stuff. But I only work at one place, see? A couple of nights a week, and I get a nice fat paycheck. It's a good deal, I'm just not sure what to call it exactly...”
“A... musician?” I offered. To me I sounded dumb, but I think Neon thought I was being sarcastic. Either way he found it funny, throwing his head back and laughing again.
“Alright,” he said. “Fair enough.” He snickered some more, taking one last drink of his coffee. I had finished mine as well, and we both set our cups down.
“You know?” he said, “I think that's appropriate. Musician... no real title, just kind of a thing. I mean, that's what I always wanted to be – a musician. I didn't have an instrument I wanted to play, I didn't have a band I wanted to be in or be like... I just wanted music. I liked singing, and I went after that.” He shrugged, chuckling at some private joke.
“Well... you're good,” I offered. “At singing, I mean. I heard you this morning.” Neon blinked at me from behind his glasses.
“Huh?” he asked.
“This morning,” I repeated. “When you were making pancakes... you were singing in the kitchen.”
“Oh,” Neon said. He looked down, and for some reason I though he blushed faintly. “You heard that? Yeah, I guess you would have, huh? Yeah, that was just... I don't know, playing around. I sing when I'm alone, and I'm used to being on my own in the apartment... yeah, if I'm what woke you up, then I'm sorry.”
“No, you didn't,” I said. I was a bit confused why he seemed so shy all of a sudden. It felt like we had changed places. “I was already up when you started. And like I said... you're a good singer.”
“Oh, well... thanks,” he said, chuckling. “You a fan of the band?”
“I don't think I've ever heard the song before,” I said. “Who was it?”
“Fully Clothed Mares,” Neon said instantly. I blinked at him, and he blinked back. “Fully Clothed Mares?” he said again. I stared at him dumbly, and he laughed. “Seriously? You've never heard of them? Oh man, Sunny! I know they say university is important, but don't neglect your education over it buddy!”
“I... what?” I asked as Neon laughed. He waved a hoof, trying to stop himself.
“Okay, okay: Homework for you,” he said. “Listen to some Fully Clothed Mares. Seriously, I don't care who you have to kill to get a CD, just find one.”
“O... kay?” I said, leaning back from the table a bit. Neon stifled another laugh and nodded sharply.
“Good stallion,” he said. He was grinning like some mad idiot, but I could help but smile with him. “Ready to go?” he asked. I nodded.
“You bet,” I said. “I hope this wasn’t the surprise you had for me.”
“This?” he asked. “Psssh, naw. It's way better than some snooty coffee shop. It's deep into the city, so it'll take us a while to walk there yet.”
“Sounds good to me,” I said. We got up and, after Neon had paid for our drinks, we headed back out into the street.
We had spent a fair amount of time in the little shop, and the afternoon had moved on without us. I guessed that it was probably around 3 or 4 o'clock when we left. Strangely though, the air hadn’t gotten any warmer. If anything, the chill in the air had come in in force. Dark clouds were creeping in over the horizon as well, and I guess Canterlot would see another snowfall tonight. I didn't have much of a chance to think about it before Neon and I headed off again.
The city was built onto a mountain, and it was reflected on the streets as we walked. The streets curved in wide spirals, different levels connected by alleyways of stairs. Neon took me through a few, bounding up the wide steps and skipping across the broad landings that were the alleys themselves. Every stray pipe and crooked step seemed to excite him, as if it were his first time seeing all this, and not mine. I couldn't help but get caught up in his exuberance. Of course, even if he hadn't been there, I think I would have been excited. It was like I was experiencing the world in a whole new way. With the dense fog finally cleared out of my mind, I could finally see what was right in front of me. I saw the light glinting off the snow and the shadows playing in tiny arcs across the old cobblestone. I could see cracks and wearing where weeds slipped through the stones in the summer, and the marring on the buildings. We had left the rich neighborhood behind then, the overpriced shops and sprawling houses replaced by family-run corner stores and hole-in-the-wall restaurants. Children played in the streets, watched over by their parents and older siblings as they ran and laughed. I wondered if there had been places in Cloudsdale like that, and I had just missed them. The landscape was so different, I imagined that the ponies were different too.
We continued our journey, spiraling ever upwards through the beautiful city. I could see the edge of the city in the distance now, a spattering of buildings across the foothills. Beyond that was untended farmland and open country. Ahead of us the buildings grew tall and gorgeous. Neon told me that this was Old Canterlot, the world that the city had once been. It felt like we were stepping back through time. The architecture was ancient and artful, buildings made of hardy stone. I doubted many of them had ever been touched since they had been built, but there they stood anyways. They were almost monuments in and of themselves. “See us,” they seemed to say. “Look at what we are, and what we have done. We shall not be moved, not for you and not for time. We will last.” It took my breath away.
I don't know what it was about those buildings that struck me so much, but they're with me even now. I can see them so clearly in my mind, standing tall and proud. I don't know what they were built for – Neon said almost nopony does, except for the princesses. Some of them had been turned into company buildings, and others had been furnished as apartments or hotels.
“This one is my favourite,” Neon said, directing me to a particularly old building: and enormous and Gothic mansion. Tall spires rose up from its corners, stretching to the heavens like impudently pointed fingers that challenged the gods themselves to tear it down. Mighty arches held it up, each one its own Atlas standing strong against the blows heaven returned. The paint had long since faded, leaving only bare white, sanded clean by wind and rain.
“It's a hotel,” Neon continued, “I stayed here when I first moved to Canterlot. When I was staying there, I got to talking with this old stallion who worked there. He told about the history. This is the house that the ponies who built Canterlot lived in. Apartments for the builders, you know? Legend has it that the chief of the house offended a spirit who lived in the mountain, by building the house in one of her gardens. They say that the spirit cursed the house, and swore to bring it down around his ears. Well, he wasn't a stupid stallion, but he wasn't going to be scared away so easily. This house is the very first thing they built here, and they built it well. Halfway through building the palace there was a huge earthquake. The palace came down, but had to be completely rebuilt. This place stayed up, though.
“After they finished building the city this place got sold to some rich family, and they turned it into a mansion. Lightning struck the house five times that year, but there was almost no damage every time. Fifty years later a tornado blew through Canterlot, ripped half the town to shreds. This place stayed up. Another hundred years later a rock slide buried this place – killed everypony inside. When they dug it out, though, the building was still fine. After that they turned it into a hotel.
“That mountain spirit threw everything she had at it, and it stayed up. They say that after the chief died he became part of the building, fighting against the spirit forever to keep the house standing.” Neon paused, chuckling and shaking his head. “To hear that old pony talk you'd think this place would stand through hell itself rising up. But it's been here for years, taking every piece of abuse thrown at it. It never forgot what it was meant to do, I think. They built it swearing it would stand strong, and it did it. It's never gonna forget that.”
Neon hadn't been lying when he said it would be a long walk. We had been in the city for a few hours now, and the sun was already beginning to set behind the old house. It cast a silhouette, deep blue against the orange light and immeasurably powerful. I looked at Neon, who was still staring admiringly at the building. There was a gleam in his eyes, something like respect. I could just make them out behind his sunglasses, but it was more than enough.
“Never gonna forget that...” I said lingering over the syllables. Neon looked at me and smiled, the sly grin of a pony who knows something that's been left unsaid.
“Of course, I didn't drag you all the way into the city just to see some old house,” he said. “We're almost there, though.” We set off again, and this time I followed a bit closer to him.
Our path took us ever higher, and I began to wonder if we would pass through the clouds. Though we never did, that didn't make the mountain any less massive. The spiraling streets were tighter now, but even still we seemed to pass through so many different places. The buildings grew ever more opulent, until strangely they disappeared completely.
We must have been close to the peak of the mountain. The only thing I could see above us was the palace, shining in the fading light. We were in a wide open square, speckled with small groups of ponies. It was probably much busier during the day, but the fading light brought with it a biting chill, more than enough to scare most ponies into their homes. Those few who were left were either on their way there now, or completely without. Neon dashed ahead of me, running for a railing on the edge of the square.
“This is what I wanted to show you,” Neon said as I trotted up to him. “There!” He threw his forelegs out, gesturing to the scene before us.
The entire city stretched out before us, from the rolling foothills to the mighty peak on which we stood. The last rays of light faded as the sun slipped beyond the horizon, but there was no shortage of illumination. Every lamp in the city was alight, like a million tiny stars in an inverted sky. They curved and arched through the streets, forming veins on a mighty beast and showing us its beating heart. I could see ponies trotting through the streets closer to us, on their way home after a long day.
The light glinted off the snow and the white of the buildings, causing them to almost glow. As we stood there, basking in the glory of Canterlot, the moon slowly rose and illuminated the scene further. It was almost exactly like it had been the night before, but a thousand times more beautiful.
“I bet you probably see views like this all the time,” Neon said, “but to a unicorn like me... it's magical. I've thought about leaving Canterlot a few times, but every time I do I come up here, and the thought just leaves me.” He smiled.
“See, my family moved around all the time when I was little. City to city, even moving to a new country once. When I got older, I kinda caught the bug. I spent a few years moving around, never really finding somewhere to settle... Canterlot is the first city that's ever really felt like home to me. Everywhere else... it just felt like I was there for the duration, you know?”
“Yeah,” I said without even thinking about it. “Yeah, I know.”
“You're lucky, you know Sunny?” Neon said. “You lived in Cloudsdale your whole life... you know where your home is. You never had to look for it... you can leave any time you want, and you'll always know where home is. You don't have to be worried about your roots not being there when you get back.” His smile was a nostalgic one, the smile of a stallion reminiscing. Mine, though, was fake.
Fear had struck me again. I had been trying not to think of it, but standing there on the cliff I had no choice but to face it. This was what Neon had wanted to show me. After this, I would need to go back home.
Back to my roots. Back to Cloudsdale, where everything was the same. Back to university, where my parents would expect to know about every little grade and quiz, and where they would be disappointed in me every time I did something wrong. Back to my old life, where I couldn't do anything stupid or make any mistakes. I looked at Neon, and for the first time I realized just how handsome he was.
He had just given his speech about how lucky I was, but all I could do was envy him. He did what he wanted. He knew what he wanted, too. There wasn't anypony behind the scenes with him. If he wanted to get up and leave, he could. He had no roots. Nothing holding him back. My mouth started to move without me realizing it again.
“Are you hungry?” I asked. Neon blinked at me, and I hurriedly concocted an excuse. “You bought that coffee for me, not to mention gave me a place to stay,” I said. “I feel bad about putting upon you like that, and then just disappearing... I'll buy you dinner. It's only fair, right?” Neon smiled, and shrugged.
“You don't owe me anything Sunny,” he said. I shook my head, desperately trying to make him listen. My heart was pounding in my chest, and I felt panicked. Anything to stay here for just another few minutes, anything to avoid going home.
“I insist,” I said. “I'm not taking no for an answer.” Neon laughed.
“Wow, listen to you,” he said. “Alright, I'm kinda hungry. I know a pretty good place for a bite to eat.”
I breathed a sigh of relief, but the fear didn't completely leave me. It burned in my chest and on my shoulders, aching like a weight on my back. The weight seemed like it was pulling me down, forcing me to hold my head low as Neon led me to the restaurant. I don’t remember what the name of the restaurant was, or anything really. The fog was starting to creep back into my mind, though I didn’t realize it. It was just slipping in around the corners, playing on my fears and doubts, just like it always did. The next thing I remember we were already in the restaurant. My heart pounded even as we ordered our food, threatening to burst out of my chest as we ate. It pulverized the food in my belly as we left, and leaped into my throat when I saw the lights.
We had wandered into another square near the peak of Canterlot, and there seemed to be some sort of festival or something of the sort. There were dozens of stalls set up in the square, hundreds of ponies packed into the area. Behind the murmur of their voices was the sound of music, a live band. I saw it, my heart leaped... and then I went numb.
The fog was back, and I didn't even realize it. I took Neon by the foreleg, dragging him into the crowd. I don't know if he objected. I don't know if he thought it was a good idea. I remember him laughing in the crowd, but I don't remember the noise. Just the image. I remember us laughing and singing and dancing, playing games and buying the cheap vendor food. I remember a pair of foals who came and wanted to play with us, and I remember spending time with them. I remember running into a friend of Neon's, but I don't remember his name.
I remember the flurry of noise, muffled through ringing ears. I remember the dizzying blur of lights from coloured lanterns, all noises and sounds. I remember ponies everywhere, and I remember being desperately alone.
I was so terrified. I didn't realize it – I didn't want to realize it. I focused on the moment with an obsessive fervor, fighting down any thoughts I had of what came next. It's almost ironic: I spent so long being unable to focus on the now for what came next, and I escaped what came next by focusing on the now. Try as I might though, I couldn't fight the fear. It was a sickening feeling, like there was a mighty hand around my belly, trying to squeeze out my dinner. My entire body ached with a phantom pain, so I replaced it with the burning of dancing.
I don't know how long we were there, but even that couldn't last forever. We trailed away from the strange party, wandering once more through the streets. Still we laughed and sang, fighting away my fear as best we could. I don't know if Neon knew what was wrong with me. I think he did, but I don't know. He took me away from the streets we had walked before, showing me through strange side routes and paths. We were walking through a park when the fog started to fade again.
It was very much like the one we had first met in. There was a winding path, hidden deep in the snow, and the landscape was dotted with trees and tiny ponds. It was gorgeous, but I didn't care. I was still desperately afraid of leaving, trying to find some way to drag it out longer. I gathered a hoofful of snow, tossing it at Neon. It's so strange... I remember him smiling one moment, and then screaming the next.
“Enough!” he shouted, redirecting the snowball with his magic, leaving it to explode harmlessly, if violently, against a tree. I could have sworn mere moments ago there was a smile on his face, but all there was was a look of fury. Even through his sunglasses I could see him glaring. The sight of it struck me like a hot coal. It lifted the fog instantly, and my mind became clear.
“What the hell, Sunny?” he shouted again. “Ever since we had dinner you've been... been... man, I don't even know! You've been acting like an idiot!”
“Wha... what?” I asked. Neon seemed to ignore me, continuing his rant.
“I mean, I can see the party! You know, I don't know if you've got those things in Cloudsdale, so maybe you wanted to see it! But you can have, you know, asked me before dragging me into all that! Asked me if I wanted to hang around a bunch of hobos!? I mean, I don't mind them, but dammit man, what the hell?”
“I... I'm sorry, I...”
“Then listen to me, maybe!” Neon shouted. “I told you, I'm exhausted! I just want to go home! Look, if you like hanging out we can do it again sometime! So why the hell are you trying to drag this out!?” He seethed for a moment longer, and I sat down in the snow. I hadn't even begun to realize what I had been doing. I must have been forcing myself to believe the he was enjoying it, just like I had forced myself to believe that I was enjoying it. I cradled my head in my hooves.
“Sunny...” Neon said, calmer now. “Look. I only met you last night. That's not enough time to get to know somepony. But even I can see this isn't like you. What's wrong?”
I wanted to keep up the lie. If the fear was bad when the fog was there, with my head clear it was a thousand times worse. I knew exactly what was wrong, and exactly what I had been doing. The fear ate away at me from the inside, like I was made of ice. It burnt me at the same time, though. I was so afraid it was painful. I shuddered, trying to force myself to keep the lie up. I looked into Neon's face... and I couldn't. Even behind the glasses I could see him, nothing but pure and real concern in his eyes.
“I...” I whispered, barely even breathing. Going home wasn't the only thing I was afraid of. Canterlot wasn't the only thing I didn't want to leave. “I can't...”
“Can't what?” Neon asked. He sat down in front of me, putting a gentle hoof on my shoulder. He was warm, like the light of dawn. “Sunny, what's the matter?”
“I just...” My mind raced, going a million miles a minute, fighting against itself in so many ways I couldn't even count them all. My voice came unbeckoned. “How can I tell some pony I just met?” I asked. “You... you, of all ponies, you won't understand...”
“Maybe I can,” Neon said, his voice quiet and calm. If it weren’t for the silence of the night I might not have even heard it. “And even if I can't, won't it help to say it? There's nopony better than somepony you just met to listen. I won't be able to judge you if you don't want me to. You can fly back to Cloudsdale, and never see me again.”
The pain was unbearable. It tore through me like a blade, rending my soul. Every inch of me burned, and I wanted so desperately to cry. I couldn't, though. I couldn't do anything.
“But I don't want to!” I screamed. “I don't want to go back to Cloudsdale, and never see you again, I don't want to go back to Cloudsdale at all!” I got to my hooves, backing away from him. “You couldn't understand,” I said again, “you have no idea. You can go wherever you want, do whatever you want. There's nothing holding you back, nopony holding the reigns for you! If I got to Cloudsdale, I'll never come back. I'll never go anywhere again. Everything I've done here... everything I've done with you, it'll be just another mistake in my parents' eyes. They'll tell me about how it was all wrong, about how I was stupid! They'll tell me that I was just being hormonal, and that all you wanted from me was sex! They'll tell me I was stupid and naïve, and that I need to listen to them! They'll make me study even more, and move back home with them! I'll never be able to leave again, never be able to meet a stallion who's as kind and caring and beautiful as you! I'll always live in that same boring house, in that same boring district of that same stupid fucking city!” I pounded my hooves against the ground, screaming. I wasn't even talking to Neon anymore. I rose my head, screaming at the heavens.
“I'll have to listen to my arrogant fucking dad every day, telling me how I should have gone into construction! I'll have to listen to my stupid fucking mom trying to introduce me to nice mares because she thinks I'm going through some fucking phase! I'll have to go on shitty fucking dates with those vapid fucking bitches, and listen to them talk about me behind my back! It'll all be the fucking same! Every fucking day and night, and it'll never change! I'll never be able to do what I want to do, not ever!
“I hate Cloudsdale! I fucking hate it! I just... I just want to be able to do what I want to do! I want to do something stupid, I want to make a mistake. I want to walk down the wrong road. I want to take a wrong turn. I want break every stupid fucking rule on my parents' stupid fucking list... I want to fucking LIVE...”
I dropped to my knees, panting. My heart pounded in my chest, and there were tears right behind my eyes. They fought to get out, but I held them back. I swallowed the lump in my throat, and looked up at Neon. The moonlight beamed off his sunglasses, hiding his eyes from me even as he leaned down slowly. I felt his nose rub across my forehead, nuzzling my face. It worked its way down, and he rubbed his cheek against mine. I could feel the burning flush of his face, the soft bristle of his fur against mine. He wrapped his hooves around me, holding me close, and sang.
“The rumble strip clack
And the rattling frame
Beat out a pulse on his head
The engine hums, a humble tune
A melody of rubber and lead
Under lamp light glow
And paradise stars
An infinity of dancing white light
He sees that his debt
Is to experience only
And not to those who'd plan out his life”
His voice was better than ever. It was art in itself. Even after it had gone the silence rang with his song, turning the night as beautiful as he could imagine. He leaned away from me, and I gazed into his face. This close, I could see through his glasses. I knew what he was feeling, and there was no naivete there. I leaned in again, kissing him. He kissed back, and I could feel the passion on his lips. It ran between us like electricity. My heart pounded again, but it wasn't fear. The fire returned to my body, but it wasn't painful.
We left the park. Neither of us wanted to walk, so we took a bus. I don't remember what it was like. I don't remember any of trip back to Neon's apartment, but not for the same reason as our time at the party. All I could think about was Neon. Before I knew it we were back at his building. We were in his apartment, in his bedroom, in his bed. My scarf was gone, discarded somewhere in the hallway. His tie hung on the doorknob behind us, and his shirt draped open.
I remember what happened next. Gods, how I remember it. I remember the heat of his body against me, like a furnace. I could feel his heart beating through his chest, its rhythm matching mine beat for beat. I remember sinking into his soft bed and pillows as he laid me down, swallowing us both whole. I remember the taste of his tongue, like the sweetest candy. I remember how it felt when he kissed me, all over my body. I remember when his horn lit up, enveloping me in the soft grip of magic. Every hair on my body bristled, and I could feel him in ways that I never knew existed.
I remember the sheer tornado of passion, the all-consuming heat, the burning muscles, and the stink of sweat. I remember our gasps of passion and joy, all moans and screams in the quiet of the night. Time fell away when he pressed into me, and I didn't care. Everything I needed was there with me, in that bed. Even the bed fell away, and we existed together in the nothing. Two minds, two being of pure pleasure, wrapping around each other and becoming as one. There was white heat, a flash of light that could blind even angels, and ecstasy. There was me and him, alone, in his bed.
When it was over, he sang again.
“Hello darkness, my old friend,
I've come to talk to you again,
Because a vision softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted, in my brain, still remains,
within the sound of silence...”
***
His voice lingered even through the night, and we basked in it as we slept. I awoke the next morning with my face on his chest, listening to his heart beat softly. I knew he was awake, but I didn't say anything. We lay together in silence for a while, before Neon finally spoke.
“You don't need to go, you know,” he whispered. “Nopony's going to force you. You can stay... with me. If you like.” I sighed, and looked up at him. He had taken his glasses off, and I could see his eyes. Brilliant emerald green, and unabashedly earnest.
“Yes I do,” I said. “I have responsibilities in Cloudsdale... and I have my friends, and my parents. They'll all be worried.”
“You could send a letter,” Neon suggested. I chuckled, and kissed him.
“No,” I said. “I'm angry at my parents... but I love them. They were only doing what they thought was best. If I'm going to say it, it needs to be to their face.” I sighed again. “I need to go back, Neon. Cloudsdale is my home.” The blue stallion nodded, but he looked sad all the same.
“Don't worry,” I told him. “I'm not going back because I'm being forced to. I'm going back because it's what I want. It'll be different this time. Nopony is going to control me.”
“You came up with all that in your sleep, huh?” Neon asked. He smiled like an awkward teenager, but it was warm and kind.
“Mmm, not really,” I said. “In the past couple days... since meeting you.” I slid the covers down, revealing the mark on my haunch: A bright, golden sunrise. “I want to bring light. That's my purpose, and nopony is going to make me forget it. Never again.” I sat up in the bed, smiling at him. He smiled back sadly, and leaned in to kiss me.
He made me pancakes, again. They were even better this time than they were the morning before. We slathered them with peanut butter, and drank deeply from tall glasses of milk. The desire to drag it out was gone, then. We let it be what it was, and we were happy with it. When we were finished I found my scarf again, and we headed outside. Neon pawed at the snow, trying to find the words. Finally, he looked up at me.
“How long do you have left of university?” he asked. I smiled.
“About a year,” I said.
“There any work for a light engineer in Canterlot?”
“If I'm good enough. I'll have to study hard... especially on theory and calculations. I could be a crop assessor... I could work with the princess. You know... research.” He looked at me, his question hanging in the air.
“My parents always pushed me to study hard,” I said. “I might have missed out on a bit of partying... but having the highest grades in my class has its benefits.” I kissed Neon, smiling as my lips met his.
“Think you can wait a year?” I asked.
“I can wait a year,” he answered without thinking. “Think you can handle letters for a while?”
“I can handle that,” I said. I pried my lips away from his, and took to the skies. Higher and higher I circled, staring down at him until he was nothing more than a speck on the ground. It took me a moment to get my bearings, but as soon as I did I flew without a hint of hesitation. The sun broke the horizon as I traveled, lighting up the world. In the distance I could see a single glimmering spot of white in the clear sky.
Cloudsdale was waiting for me.