The Courtship of Princess Celestia

by Doccular42


Act I: Old Dreams and New Schemes

Celestia stood before the oncoming tide of destruction with her head held high. Her mane billowed in the afternoon wind as she inhaled deeply. The smell of the autumn breeze filled her nostrils and she sighed softly. One last moment of peace. One final second of tranquility.

And then she opened her eyes and fire poured from the heavens.

Snarling creatures of all shapes and sizes charged down the lane of the small town in the middle of nowhere. Trees floated in the air, flowers galloped past, and the sky itself laughed at the young alicorn’s resistance to the chaos all around her. But the laughter stopped and the monsters raised their heads in horror as the sheer force of her power slammed downward like a vengeful hammer, carrying with it the force of Equestria’s anger at two generations of slavery to disharmony.

Celestia’s horn glowed, and her magic hit the ground with an earth-shattering crash. The road split in two, and the Discord-spawn fell into the newly created chasm. They fell and fell into the depths of Equus, and Celestia allowed herself a small smile.

“This is just the first of them,” her sister growled from beside her. Luna was surrounded in billowing black smoke, summoned by her own unique magic. “We need to reach Discord quickly, before his forces have a chance to regroup.”

“Agreed,” Celestia replied. “I can keep the majority of them controlled if you can hold off the stragglers who get through.”

Luna grinned, and two blades of burning black energy appeared beside her. “That I can do.” With that, the slightly shorter alicorn seemed to dissipate into a mist. Her outline shimmered briefly and then completely disappeared.

Celestia set her jaw and closed her chasm. She put one hoof in front of the other and slowly made her way toward the center of town. Toward the source of destruction. Toward Discord.

The road curved sharply left and rose into the air. It left the ground and spiraled into a loop that cut through the sky. Celestia stayed on the track and she felt her stomach nearly drop as gravity reoriented itself, pulling her downward not toward Equestria, but rather toward the road itself. That was the first rule of surviving the chaos of Equestria. Never leave the trail.

Other parts of the world were safe. Out there, far away, the trees were trees. They couldn’t fly, and none of them enjoyed an occasional swim or opera performance. Outside of Equestria, ponies could drink water out of glasses, not the other way around. Books were for reading, not for eating. But not in Equestria. Logic had left long ago, taking with it any hope for peace.

And this is what Celestia and her sister would change.

“There are more coming,” Luna hissed from somewhere behind her.

Celestia blinked rapidly and looked up from the trail. She narrowed her eyes and snarled as she saw half a dozen flying creatures approaching rapidly from out over the neon yellow and opal horizon. “Looks like rangers! Hit them from behind!”

“At once…” Luna said, and Celestia could feel her launch upward… or, downward… to meet her enemies.

The white alicorn reached out through the disharmony and grabbed ahold of the magic that still tried desperately to break past Discord’s tyranny. She channelled her power into the form of a floating bow, just as she had been taught, years ago. The bow pulled backward, and a thin line of silvery light appeared, primed to fire. Celestia focused on her distant foes and counted inside her head. One second. Two seconds. Three. Luna should reach them soon…

Now!” Celestia cried, releasing the bowstring and concentrating intently on the arrow of pure energy.

The first flying creature had the form of an alligator with the wings of a butterfly. He squaked loudly and raised his tomahawk, preparing to throw and—

—was ripped asunder by the vengeful swing of an alicorn’s twin swords. Luna cried out victoriously as she split the creature in two with a deft cleave. The monster didn’t have time to scream before his essence returned to its true form. Chaos magic flowed from the creature and coalesced into a flying lampstand that adjusted its monocle disgustedly as it danced away from Luna.

Celestia’s arrow exploded in midair right before it reached her targets. Blue electrical energy spiraled outward, creating an impenetrable wall. Luna swiftly teleported back behind the barrier and channeled her own power into the spell. The residual chaos that had not transformed into the flying furniture joined in with the spell, and the wall flattened.

The world behind the wall seemed to disappear for a moment, leaving a void in reality that hurt Celestia’s head as she gazed at it. But quickly, existence reasserted itself, and the area behind the wall reappeared… minus the flying monsters.

“Keep moving,” Luna said loudly as she streaked back toward the path. Shadows once again claimed her, and Celestia nodded to herself.

The spiraling path took a shortcut through a lake and onto a cloud covered meadow. With every step, Celestia could feel chaos’ pull strengthening. She clung to order and harmony as tightly as she could, keeping her magic close. Her horn fizzled slightly and the alicorn gritted her teeth, remembering her training.

Finally, she came toward the town itself. Buildings floated upside down, inside out, or rode bicycles around the town square. Disharmony’s pull reached into her mind, begging her to come out and play. The allure of the glowing fountain of chocolate was particularly prominent, prompting her to surrender to the sway of chaos and frolic.

Celestia drew upon her magic and—

Ahh!” Celestia shouted as something tackled her to the ground. The alicorn gasped and rolled to the side immediately, ignoring the bees who were asking her if she had the time to fill out a survey. Jumping back up to her hooves, she turned to see a manticore with the smiling face of a clown in front of her. His paws wriggled, and his long forked tongue flicked out to lick an eyeball.

“I wanna tickle little pony!” it declared in the accent of a highly educated Germane aristocrat. With a prance, it sprang through the air and drew a double sided battle axe the color of molten emeralds.

“Tia! I have y… wait, there are more!” Luna shouted from somewhere behind Celestia.

The elder alicorn dropped into a combat stance and called forth a double edged sword of fiery magic. As the grotesque monster leapt forth with a joyus laugh, she primed her magic for a kinetic blow. Once he almost reached the ground, she slapped him aside roughly and lunged forward with the sword.

The manticore waved a finger on one hand at her as he batted the weapon away with the axe he held in the other. “No! No playing patty cake yet! Mommy is no home! We waaaaait!” he declared in a singsong voice. Swiftly, it swung downward at Celestia.

The alicorn cursed and rolled away once more. “Blasted… chaos… imbecile…” A quick flurry of projectile spells sent the beast cowering behind its axe as it bellowed in pain. Celestia lashed outward with her sword, but her foe met her stroke for stroke.

“Luna! I need help!” she cried as the manticore swept at her legs. She just barely jumped in time, but was pushed back by his next offensive.

A gasp of pain answered her. “Oh, stars! I am a bit busy, Tia!”

Celestia glanced over to see Luna standing on the corpses of two of the manticores as she fended off another three of them with her spinning swords. Black magical shields appeared around her, keeping her safe from harm… for now.

Turning back to her enemy, Celestia barred her teeth in a feral smile. “So, you want to play? Let’s play…” The alicorn’s eyes flashed as she brought her full control of harmony to bear. Brilliant white light burst through the cotton candy clouds and struck the solar princess. The ground shook, and Celestia’s wings flared out as she absorbed the power of the sun. Her blade extended in length and swung at the monster from the front, the sides, and even behind him.

The manticore couldn’t withstand her flurry. His own grasp on chaos magic barely kept him alive, and he pushed himself forward, charging at Celestia in one last, desperate attempt to—

The princess sneered in contempt as her magic arced out and imposed order. Freezing, the monster gasped in horror as his form wilted away… The light from within him broke through cracks in his skin, and he imploded as harmony overcame him.

Celestia turned her power upon her sister’s foes, ripping through the darkness and bringing life through death to the enslaved figments of Discord’s dark imagination. The four beings gasped and turned toward her, giving Luna an opening. The smaller alicorn ripped through two of them with a vicious twirl. The third's head flew from its body, and Celestia’s magic finished the last.

With a gasp, Celestia released her magic and nearly fell to her knees. The world spun, and chaos threatened to break through her mind. She wobbled in place, mind reeling and body failing.

“Tia!” a voice cried, and Luna felt a soothingly familiar magic surround her. Her surroundings came back into focus and she came back to herself in time to see Luna pull her close into a hug. “What were you thinking? You know that we cannot channel that much magic so close to his epicenter! You could have died.”

“Had to do it…” she replied, hugging the smaller alicorn close. “Thank you, Luna.”

“Well, do not do it again,” Luna said wryly. “You are the only sister that I have, you know.”

“I’m aware of this.” Celestia smiled wearily. “We’re almost there, aren’t we?”

Her sister nodded. “Indeed. Are you well enough to wield the elements?”

Taking a deep breath, the elder alicorn nodded. “I think so.”

“Good. Then let us finish this once and for all.” Luna’s eyes flashed. “For Equestria.”

“For Equestria,” Celestia agreed. With that, the sisters strode forward into the town. They stood tall, side by side, as they approached the draconequus sitting upon his tall throne. He was facing away from them, but as they neared, he spun around with a mad cackle.

“Oh ho, oh ho! This is so much fun! How about a game of pin the tail on the pony?”

She gasped and—

“Princess?”

Celestia sat awake in her bed with a start. Her dream disappeared immediately, replaced by the stark contrast of reality. A warm bed. The night sky outside her window. A large room decorated by red tapestries and…

The alicorn wiped her bleary eyes and forced herself to focus upon the stallion who stood at her door. The brown stallion wore the golden armor of her newly formed Solar Guard. He looked in nervously, his eyes wide.

“Princess… I, uh, I was told that you wanted to be woken to raise the sun. I-I’m sorry for intruding…” he said demurely.

Celestia sighed. “It’s fine, Private…” She turned her gaze to what she thought was his eyes.

“Uh, Private Booker, Your Highness,” he replied sheepishly.

“Yes. Booker. One of the new recruits.” Celestia ran a hoof through her mane. “Private, you are in the Solar Guard now. You are not a colt asking his first filly out on a date. When you do things, you must be confident. If your job is to wake me, then wake me. Don’t be afraid.”

Booker cringed. “I’m sorry, Princess…”

“Don’t be, Private. You’re new.” With a sigh, she stood up and walked away from her bed. “I’m awake now. You may return to your post.”

“Of course!” He shut the door without coming to attention, let alone saluting.

Celestia sighed wearily once more. Her guards had come a long way since she had taken power two years ago, but they still had so far to go. The princess strode over to her window and allowed her eyes to wander over the town of Canterlot.

Her house was situated on a hill just to the south of Canterlot mountain. A collection of stone and wooden buildings encircled her manor, and beyond the other structures was a thick wooden wall that had thus far kept the workers safe as they made their daily trips up the mountain to work on reconstructing the city itself as well as the planned magnificent castle. The moon was high up in the sky and a beautiful arrangement of stars worked as an elegant backdrop to the glowing celestial body.

Celestia used her magic to light the lamp on her room’s table. She winced at the sudden brightness of the light and wiped her eyes again. She inhaled deeply and glanced over at her clock, one of the first of the objects that had been created by her own subjects. The princess knew that hers was perfectly synchronized with its twin in the Castle of the Two Sisters, where Luna currently stayed to manage the country’s affairs during Celestia’s absence.

The clock showed a time of one minute until seven. The princess nodded to herself and closed her eyes. With a quiet hum to herself, Celestia reached out and allowed her magic to reach out and touch the sun. She could feel its healing warmth course through her body, and she smiled peacefully. Something tugged at the back of her mind, and she could feel Luna’s power reach the moon as well.

As if the two were a united entity, Celestia and Luna slowly guided their own celestial bodies through the sky. Ever-so gingerly, Celestia led the sun up over the far horizon. The incredible rays cut through the shadows, changing the clouds from a dark blue into a soft pink. The moon passed behind Canterlot mountain, bidding the sky farewell until another night. As if pulled along by an invisible string, the sun crept upward, breaking through the dark and bringing the dawn of a new day to Equestria.

Celestia smiled and released her magic. She nodded happily to herself and turned away from the window as the sun continued its slow crawl up the horizon. The princess walked over to her table and opened her schedule book. Humming quietly to herself, she leafed through the pages until she came to the correct date. She idly scratched her head as she read over the day’s planned events.

“Solar Guard morning exercises and training… meeting with the commerce guild… ugh.” She shook her head. “Hold day court, and… ooh!” The princess’ eyes lit up. “Dedicate the opening of the first public library in Canterlot!”

Celestia nodded happily to herself. “Finally! After this, we can get education back on track and finally straighten our schools out.” With another grin, the princess glanced at the clock. “Only six hours until the opening! Perfect.”

~~~

“We’ll hit the bank in… six hours.”

The early dawn’s rays filtered through the grimy windows of a dingy old tavern in the town of Canterlot. In the back corner of the most secluded room, five ponies sat quietly together. They hunched over a worn wooden table, their eyes glued to the wide sheet of paper before them.

The pony who had spoken, a light blue unicorn stallion, ran a hoof through his golden mane. Jean-Paix Lumière grinned lopsidedly as he pointed emphatically at the blueprint of the ‘advanced’ Equestrian vault. His compatriots smiled in return, nodding their heads.

“Perfect.” The pegasus to the left of Paix rapped his hoof on the table. “The Equestrians will be busy with their library opening and won’t even know what hit them.” Gleaming Cutlass’ yellow coat reflected the dim light from the fireplace across the room.

A grey coated unicorn mare wearing a stern expression nodded. “Paix, do you want to go over the plan one more time? I want to be sure our exit strategy will get us out quickly enough. The last time I checked the numbers, it looked like some of the guards might be able to cut us off at the east gate before we can escape the walls.” She straightened her glasses and grimaced.

Paix nodded. “Sounds good.” A slight Prench accent gave his confident voice a cultured edge. Clearing his throat, he pointed back to the blueprint. “Okay. First off, we’re going to have Chiara,” he said with a glance at the serious unicorn mare who had just spoken. “Azure,” Paix added as eyes focused on a dark blue earth pony mare who smiled widely back at him, “and myself inside the bank. Azure and I will be posing as a married couple hoping to open an account. We’ll be having a very difficult time understanding the paperwork.”

“Oh, my,” Azure said, throwing a hoof dramatically over her forehead and adopting a thick Equestrian accent. “Ah just can’t understand all these here numbers! Honey, can you make any sense of ‘em?”

“Exactly!” Paix grinned and winked at her. His voice lost all traces of Prench and took an the same drawl as Azure’s. “Well, darlin’, Ah certainly have no idea. Could you explain that again, ma’am?”

“You jokers are going to get us caught…” Chiara muttered. Her own Germane accent contrasted vividly with Paix’s, and she shook her head. “Don’t force it too much.”

“Ya know, that’s kinda the fun of it,” Gleaming Cutlass chimed in. The pegasus took a drink from his mug.

The last pony at the table cleared his throat. “Don’t you think it’s a bit early for that, Gleam?”

Gleam waved his hoof at the other stallion and snorted. “Ah, Haseeb. It’s never to early! Besides, it’s just water.” He laughed and took another drink.

Haseeb, a large orange earth pony, blinked twice. “Good.”

“Well, for now it is…” Gleam muttered, looking over the top of his mug at the Saddle Arabian brawler. “Damn. No expression. I’ll get you some time, Haseeb!”

The earth pony merely raised an eyebrow in response.

“Anyways,” Paix continued, “as we’re talking with whoever it is that will be assisting us with opening the account for the happy newlyweds, Gleam will come storming through the door, reeking of alcohol. But not actually drunk,” he added with a grin at the pegasus.

Gleam nearly snorted his water out of his nose. “Hey! If I’m gonna play this part, I’ve gotta play it well!”

“Just don’t overdo it. Gleam’ll break in and make a beeline for us. He’ll start yelling about how I stole his mare, and Azure will get visibly upset. We’ll make it look like we’re about to start an altercation so that the security guards come over to intervene.” Paix tapped on the section of the blueprint that represented the lobby. “He’ll throw the first punch, and then I’ll tackle him. We’ll quickly take the fight to the counter where the tellers are, and I’ll throw him over the edge. Once we’re on the other side, Chiara will cast her silence spell so that nopony can yell for help.”

Chiara nodded. “I’m also going to set up an isolated interference field to skew the mana ratio of any casters. The inhibition should be enough to temporarily disable any communication spells until the casters can adapt their matrices.”

“I’ll pretend I understand that,” Gleam replied. Immediately he raised his mug to her and nodded approvingly. “Ah, excellent idea!”

“I understood it!” Azure chimed.

Paix chuckled. “You do your thing, Chiara. Anyways, that’s when Haseeb comes in. He’ll have a bag on his back, but the guards will be distracted by the ruckus and won’t notice him go up to Azure and Chiara. You’ll all pull out these…” He used his magic to heft a large black bag onto the table. He untied it and pulled out three streamlined black weapons. “These are the new Germane designs that our magnificent employer has oh-so generously provided to us.” Paix hefted one of them with a wide grin. “Chiara and Azure will take cover behind one of the desks while Haseeb does his thing with the security guards. Try not to punch them too hard, Has. I’d rather not have a body count here.”

“Eeyup,” Haseeb said. His tightly braided blonde mane flopped up and down as he nodded. “I won’t kill them.”

“Perfect. Gleam will slip me a knife during the fight, and we’ll each grab a teller. That’s when we’ll announce that it’s a holdup.” Paix tapped on the blueprint once again. “We’ll get the other tellers to stuff the bits from their tills into bags, and Chiara will come back to crack the safe. Are completely comfortable with this one, Chi?”

She peered over her glasses and smirked. “It’s Equestrian, Paix. I could probably crack it in my sleep.”

Gleam chortled. “Hey, if she gets to sleep on the job, I should get to drink.”

Chiara glared at him. “Can you stay serious for even five minutes?”

“Guys, chill,” Paix said. “Back to the job. Chi will crack the vault, Gleam should be able to get the bits out of the tills while I cast a shield spell over the entrance, and Haseeb and Azure will keep everypony else in there down on the floor. Once the vault is open, the tills will be empty, and Gleam, Azure, and Chi will get inside. Break into all the boxes, get all the bits, and find our employer’s magic orb. He says that it’s in box twenty-three-alpha. Once we have everything, we’ll break through the front, get onto Haseeb’s cart, and cheese it to the east gate.”

“Issue.” Chiara pulled a map of Canterlot out of her saddlebag. “The east gate will take us closer to the library opening than I’m comfortable. Is it possible for us to go to the south gate instead?”

Gleam leaned over and examined the parchment. He nodded and looked up at Paix. “She’s right. If we aren’t fast enough, the guards could cut us off on the east.”

“I don’t know the route to the south,” Haseeb added. “If we change, I’ll have to re-memorize the route.

Humming to himself, Paix scratched under his chin. “Well… what do you think, Azure?”

The earth pony looked down and cocked her head to the side. “I don’t like changing the plan this close to go time. We know our roles. If we get lost, especially in an unfamiliar traffic pattern, it could be far worse than risking the guards. We’d get caught for sure.”

“Two and two,” Gleam growled. He looked up at Paix. “Your call, boss.”

Paix raised an eyebrow and looked around at his team. Giving them a small smile, he pulled a coin from his saddlebag. “How about we let fate decide?” He tossed the Prench bit into the air, the light shining off of the spinning golden object. “Heads, we stick to the plan, tails, we change.”

With a solid thunk, the bit landed on the table and bounced up twice. Paix slammed his hoof down, trapping it against the solid oak. He quickly removed his hoof and nodded. “Heads. We stick to the plan.”

Gleam sighed. “Fine. I just hope we make it out on schedule.”

“We will,” Azure chimed. “We’ve done this a thousand times before!”

“Actually, this particular configuration has only successfully completed an operation of this type four times before.” Chiara frowned. “I hardly think that qualifies as a ‘thousand times.’”

“It was hyperbole, Chi!” Azure protested. “You don’t have to analyze everything so much! Sheesh!”

Haseeb cleared his throat. “I need to walk the escape path one more time, just to be certain that I have the turns memorized.”

“And I should check on my tools,” Chiara said as she rose to her hooves. “I would encourage you all to prepare as well.”

“That’s the plan!” Gleam took another swig of water. “Now, I wonder where that pretty barmaid went…”

The three ponies stood up and went back out into the main room, but Azure stayed behind with Paix. She cleared her throat and smiled. “You used your trick coin, didn’t you?”

Paix smiled at her and tossed her his coin. “Of course.”

“That way, you don’t get into an argument with Chiara, right?” She glanced down at the bit. Turning it over, she saw that both sides bore the elegant silhouette of a Prench unicorn mare.

“Exactly. Although, if she finds out that I’m tricking her, I’m going to catch tartarus about it,” the stallion said, a lopsided grin still on his face. He stood up and cracked his neck. “I might go on and on about luck with you all, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned from this line of work…” He glanced down at his own flank and saw his cutie mark, which bore the image of the same coin he’d just tossed to Azure.

Paix’s deep blue eyes gleamed with intensity. “It’s that we make our own luck.”