Chapter 8
Where Teeth Meet Hearts
“Twilight Sparkle, my prized pupil.” Princess Celestia practically glowed at us as she alighted from her radiant chariot. She stepped forward, as graceful as wind over grass and as warm as a summer’s breeze while I and the girls bowed politely.
“Hello, princess.” Twilight looked up with a strained smile. Though we were comfortably away from Ponyville itself, all it would take was a single glance towards the battered and abused buildings for the princess to know something was terribly wrong. For the moment, however, Celestia seemed conveniently oblivious.
“So lovely to see you again, as well as your friends.” The princess had a remarkable ability to make everyone in a group feel as if she was smiling directly at them. Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy grinned back while I smirked to myself.
Crash!
The princess had just taken a breath to say more when she was suddenly cut off by the loud clap of cymbals. She stared, surprised as the last member of the main six came up and over the hill behind us. Pinkie Pie’s face was as serious as a terminator as she juggled ten instruments down the dirt path, leading a veritable cloud of hypnotized parasprites behind her.
There was an awkward pause in the conversation as the ‘pied Pinkie’ guided her snared swarm past us without a second glance. Twilight Sparkle bit her lip nervously while Celestia stood frozen, watching the procession with wide eyes. I glanced at the golden-garbed guards behind the princess to see what they thought of all this, but they remained staring straight ahead as if they saw plagues of parasprites paraded off peacefully every day. They didn’t even so much as twitch to move the chariot out of the pink pony’s path.
“So… How was the trip?” Twilight tried to break the pause. “Hit much traffic?” Celestia didn’t answer immediately. In fact, I would argue that her flawless posture was actually a little rigid.
“Ah, what is this?” The princess began to ask. Immediately, a little yellow ball of gluttony stopped following Pinkie just long enough to alight on the alicorn’s wing. Celestia’s face softened as she laughed, “Oh, these creatures are adorable!”
“They’re not that adorable…” Rainbow Dash muttered.
“I’m terribly honored that you and the good citizens of Ponyville have organized a parade in honor of my visit.” Celestia let a small smile pull at the corners of her mouth.
“Parade?” Twilight blinked. “Oh, yes! The Parade!”
“Unfortunately, that visit is going to have to wait for another time.” The princess looked back at her chariot uncertainly. “I’m afraid an emergency has come up in Fillydelphia. Apparently, there been some sort of… infestation.”
“An… infestation?” The purple unicorn tried her best not to let the relief show through on her face. The other ponies glanced at each other uncertainly.
“Yes,” The princess nodded somberly. “A swarm of incredibly bothersome creatures has invaded the poor town. I’m sorry, Twilight, to have to put you all through so much trouble.”
“Trouble?” Twilight laughed nervously. “What trouble?”
Celestia excused herself with a nod before turning towards her waiting sky-carriage. Our little group watched her with polite smiles on our faces while ‘Pinkie’s Parasprite Polka’ continued drifting over the hills. It seemed that, once led into the forest, the little bug’s instincts kicked on and they returned to the Everfree from whence they came. As she daintily stepped into her royal purple seat, Celestia paused as a new thought had struck her. She glanced back at Twilight and said,
“Before I have to go, would you care to give me your latest report on the magic of friendship in person?”
“My… report?” The little student hesitated.
“Haven’t you learned anything about friendship?” The princess invited. I continued smiling with the other ponies, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that Twilight Sparkle really was ‘Book Pony’. That is, judging by how easily Celestia seemed to read her. In another moment, Twilight began,
“Actually, I have. I’ve learned that sometimes the solution to your problems can come from where you least expect it. It’s a good idea to stop and listen to your friend’s opinions and perspectives-”
Crash! Those symbols again…
“-even when they don’t always seem to make sense.”
“I’m so proud of you, Twilight Sparkle.” Celestia complimented. “And I’m very impressed with your friends as well. It sounds like you’re all learning so much from each other.” And, with the slightest hint of a nod, the princess unfroze the pegasi guards and they began rolling away.
“Thank you, princess.” Twilight whispered as the shimmering aircraft gracefully left the earth and rose into the pure blue sky.
No words were spoken as Twilight looked around at the rest of us, but, to be honest, it would be hard to put to words what was going through her head. Everypony felt relieved that we hadn’t disappointed the princess, humbled that she had complimented us, and wearied by a hard-learned lesson. At least it was still a happy ending, even if Ponyville’s main street now looked like the world’s largest slice of Swiss cheese. Slowly, we all made our way over to where Pinkie Pie was just guiding the last few parasprites into the shadow of the forest.
“Hey! What happened to the princess?” The polka (mercifully) finished and Pinkie smiled at us from between her plethora of instruments.
“Emergency in Fillydelphia.” Twilight shrugged.
“Some sort of infestation.” Rainbow Dash grinned. Immediately, Pinkie Pie dropped the corners of her mouth like they were hot,
“Oh no! Have they got parasprites too?” Her squeaky voice gasped. “Well, have tuba, will travel!” Pinkie Pie took a deep breath and was just about to demonstrate her skill with said instrument, but Twilight Sparkle quickly stepped forward and assured her,
“I think the princess can handle it.”
“So, you knew what those critters were all along, huh Pinkie Pie?” Applejack queried. The pink mare rolled her eyes so far, they threatened to pop out of her head.
“Well, duh! Why do you think I was so frantic to get my hooves on all these instruments? I tried to tell you.”
“We know, Pinkie Pie,” Twilight Sparkle said penitently, “and we’re sorry we didn’t listen.” All the other girls muttered their apologies as well. I merely stood by silently. After all, I personally hadn’t contributed to the ‘Swarm of the Century’ and had actually done a lot to minimize the damage that day. (Including fervently trying to convince Twilight Sparkle that brainwashing the creature’s eating reflex couldn’t possibly end well. It never did, as this episode and ‘Bats!’ clearly showed. (On the other hoof, that brainwashing kind of saved the Sweet Apple Acres crop…))
“You’re a great friend,” Twilight continued, “even if we don’t always understand you.” Somehow, Pinkie Pie managed to blush beneath her already pink cheeks.
“Thanks guys. You’re all great friends, too. Even when I don’t understand me!”
“You saved my reputation with Princess Celestia. And, more importantly, you saved Ponyville.” We all looked over to the remains of the little town, where a thin ribbon of smoke was just starting to rise above the rooftops. Applejack’s ears drooped a little and everypony knew that we had a lot of work cut out for us. “… Mostly…”
We all began walking back to Ponyville and I began mentally preparing myself for what I called the ‘between-episode’; AKA, the moment between the adrenaline high of fighting monsters and the sobering reality of rebuilding what had been broken.
As I surveyed Ponyville, Rainbow Dash trotted up beside me and pointed out,
“So, you knew about the parasprites, too? I mean, you and Pinkie were the only ones who didn’t like ‘em right off the bat.”
“Hm?” I glanced down nonchalantly. “Well, just because something has big eyes and a tiny mouth doesn’t make it cute in my book. Even if I didn’t know what they were right away, the mere fact that they were voracious omnivores with an alarming asexual reproductive cycle made me leery, yes. That, and I have a hard time calling bugs cute.”
“I never said they were cute!” The pegasus snorted.
“Right, I forgot. They were ‘adorable’ trash. Amiright?”
“Hmph!”
“I think we should simply count our blessings that the princess didn’t have to see our town reduced to such a state!” Rarity interjected, shaking her head at the potholed buildings. “I mean, I feel terrible for Fillydelphia, of course, but their timing couldn’t have been better-”
“Fillydelphia’s fine.” I assured her, smiling at the sky as if Celestia was still watching us.
“What do you mean?” Rainbow Dash wondered. I pursed my lips tightly together, glanced up to where Twilight was trotting and slowed my pace. When the purple unicorn was safely out of earshot, I whispered,
“Celestia totally knew. Don’t tell Twilight, you know how nervous she gets about impressing the princess, but Celestia wasn’t fooled for a moment.”
“Wasn’t fooled?” Rarity blinked.
“About what?” RD demanded. “What did she know about?”
“About Ponyville. The infestation. The damage. Come on, girls, didn’t you think Celestia’s tone was just a little bit amused back there?”
“Why in Equestria would you think that, Mark?” The white unicorn was somewhere between critical and curious.
“Firstly, the girl rides in a flying chariot. Obviously, an aerial view of the town wouldn’t be able to hide much of the destruction, especially when you’ve got pieces of the local candle shop littering main street. So, she landed on the outskirts to ask her student, Twilight, what had happened and also to avoid embarrassing the town. You know, since they always want to impress her and the place obviously wasn’t looking its best.”
“Obviously.” Rarity nodded in consent.
“Second,” I continued, “did you see the look on her face as soon as she saw the parasprite swarm? I’d say she was surprised, alarmed, even worried. The same look Pinkie Pie wore when she saw them. Both ponies knew what exactly what they were as soon as they laid eyes on them. I don’t know why, but most ponies seem to forget that the princess and her sister Luna used to live smack dab in the middle of the Everfree Forest for quite a while! Perhaps even centuries.”
“Huh…” Rainbow Dash thought back to the spooky old castle, half-eaten by time and licked up by the hungry forest. “Wow! The princess is old!”
“Yes, she is. Dermatologists hate her.” I nodded. “And lastly, what does she find in the middle of all this? Twilight Sparkle trying to pretend that nothing’s wrong. It doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes to put the pieces together-”
“I think you mean Fetlock Holmes, dear.”
“In fact, I’d bet anything that the moment the princess mentioned how ‘cute’ the parasprites were was also the moment she figured it all out. Somepony had tried to keep them as pets without really knowing what they were. After that, she also played along, pretending that nothing was wrong and then came up with an excuse for her to leave suddenly. And thus, Twilight and Ponyville were spared a little embarrassment.”
“Wait, so Fillydelphia?” Rainbow Dash cocked her head.
“Celestia couldn’t resist a little jab, a little poke of fun at the position Twilight Sparkle found herself in. Fillydelphia’s problem was too perfect, too timely, too coincidental to be real.”
“Isn’t this all quite speculative, Mark?” Rarity tried to bring the conversation back to the realm of solid facts.
“That,” I held up a finger, “And the fact that her chariot was going straight back to Canterlot. In the end, Celestia guessed that she had stumbled upon the conclusion of a very amusing and very dramatic friendship lesson. Why else would she ask for a friendship report on the spot?”
“I agree with Rarity.” Rainbow Dash looked up at me. “That just doesn’t sound like the princess.”
“Try sharing a box of doughnuts with her.” I smirked. The cyan mare looked more confused than ever, but at that moment, our little powwow came up behind the rest of the group.
“Hoo-wee!” Applejack sighed as she looked down the cluttered streets. “Those little critters really did a number on this place. Where do you recon’ we start, Twilight?”
“Hmm…” Twilight Sparkle scrunched up her muzzle. She glanced dolefully at the library and the half-eaten books within, but forced herself to prioritize the town first. “Let’s start a checklist. First, we need to rally everypony and check each building to make sure none of them are going to topple over. After that, we need to assess the rest of the damage.”
“Be sure ya jot down Sweet Apple Acres.” The orange earth pony groaned. “Never seen a barn disappear like that. Critters came through like wildfire eatin’ paper!”
“Good point.” An unpleasant thought hit me. “We should also organize some kind of housing for any displaced ponies.”
Another moment of silence passed as we all gathered ourselves to tackle the challenge ahead of us.
“Let’s get started!” A moment was plenty long for Rainbow Dash. She leapt into action and we followed her example.
As with the ursa minor attack, once the townsponies were rallied and organized, it was only a matter of chipping away at the problem. A crew of earth pony constructors put up warning tape on any structure that had been dangerously compromised and Rainbow Dash got a couple pegasi to make sure no sudden or unexpected breezes blew them over. The rest of us were devoted to sweeping up broken glass and roof shingles. A few unicorns were talented enough to repair broken tree branches or recycle the cloth from vending booths, but there wasn’t enough to fix everything in one day.
Unable to lift house beams or heal snapped branches, I was resigned to sweeping the streets. I worked alongside Berryshine, Rose, Fluttershy and Scootaloo, running up and down the street with a broom. Our job was to turn the scattered pieces of debris into piles and then into stacks and then into heaps and finally into mounds to be carted away by other ponies. Perhaps it was because I hadn’t slept well the night before or perhaps the job was just boring, but it wasn’t long before that broom became remarkably heavy.
I gave a heavy sigh and focused on my breathing as I stooped to lift a smashed pot into the back of a wagon. I didn’t even see Pinkie Pie sneaking up on me, but in my defense, there were few who could.
“Hi!” She jumped out of the remains of the pot to greet me.
“Augh!” The container slipped from my fingers. No longer a pot, it quickly became little more than an unsolved jigsaw puzzle piled at my feet. “Thanks a lot, Pinkie.”
“No, silly, I came to thank you!” She started prancing around my head while I stooped to collect the scattered mess. “You were a big help today!”
“Thank me? For what?”
“Well, I can’t blame you. Cymbals are just so fun! But thank you for letting me use them. That was pretty convenient.” I just barely caught a glimpse of a couple bronze disks in her mouth before she dropped them noisily onto the street. A splitting crash filled my ears, forcing my eyes closed.
“Ah!” I winced, bringing my hands up to my ears.
“Oh, are you alright, Mark?” Fluttershy appeared nearby, her large eyes filled with concern.
“I’m fine. Just have a weird headache.” I sniffed away the feeling and tried to refocus my eyes.
“And the maracas! And the kazoo! And the banjo! Mark, I didn’t know you were so musically inclined!” As she named each instrument, Pinkie Pie promptly plopped them on her pile, knocking the cymbals each time. Each sound was like a tent spike drilling further and further into my forehead.
“Um… It’s nothing, really. I mean, I don’t actually play them, I just knew where to find them.” It was a half-lie (so, also a half-truth) and I glanced nervously at Fluttershy to see if she noticed. The truth was, I had been opportunistically snatching and hoarding instruments for a while in preparation for ‘Swarm of the Century’. Anything to help Pinkie Pie remove the parasprite plague, and it had come in handy after she ruined the first pair of cymbals. Still none of the instruments actually belonged to me.
Rose glanced curiously at the pile of music-makers and I casually avoided eye contact. I had hoped to return them all before anypony could ask about my strangely-convenient and sudden interest in music. The pink mare wasn’t helping me at all.
“Or you could just learn to play them all. At once! Like me!” Pinkie grinned.
“Sounds like something my brother would do…” Kid was a genius.
“More power to you!” Pinkie Pie cheered, but Fluttershy remained strangely quiet. Even more so than usual.
“Are you sure you’re all right?” She clarified as I tossed another armload of rubble over my shoulder. I wiped my brow, but I wasn’t sweating. Just winded.
“You’d think I’d be used to manual labor, working in the orchard.” I puffed out my cheeks and tried to catch my breath. “Must be getting old. Don’t have the same enthusiasm as the Energizer bunny over there.” I jabbed a thumb at Scootaloo, who was using her broom like a jousting pole from atop her scooter.
A sudden wave of dizziness washed over me and I saw static envelop the corners of my vision. Fluttershy said something else that sounded concerned, but her voice was muffled. I just shook my head to clear it and smiled easily.
“No, really. I’m fine, I’m-”
“-fine. Nothing to worry about.” I hesitated while my brain tried to figure out what was happening. I couldn’t see Fluttershy anymore. For that matter, neither could I see Ponyville. All I saw was a wall of green with no shadows and a round glowing thing mounted on it. Then it occurred to me that gravity felt weird too.
“Oh! Oh, he’s awake! I mean, you’re awake! Um… oh, Twilight! Nurse!” I was lying on my back in a room with teal walls and a swamp-green ceiling. Fluttershy was nearby, calling for someone, but I was too confused to look at her. I had been outside only a moment before, so where was I now? Why was I in a bed? My brain was trying to rev up, but some of its spark plugs were faulty.
“Mark? Mark! Are you ok? What happened?” Two faces filled my vision, one purple with a unicorn horn on her forehead and one snowy white with a nurse hat on hers.
“Yeah, of course I’m all right.” Though, upon further reflection, I realized that my head felt like a puffer fish was trying to burst out of it. “Why do you ask?”
Twilight Sparkle looked at me with wide eyes as she said,
“You passed out.”
“What? Weird. That’s never happened to me before. Well, unless you count that dare, but I’m-” As soon as I tried to sit up, both Twilight Sparkle and Nurse Redheart dropped a foreleg on my chest and forced me back down.
“Easy now, try to relax.” The nurse commanded softly. “I’ll get you some water.”
I lifted my head to watch her go and finally got a good look at the room. My body was laid out on a hospital bed, a little short for me, but at least I was still dressed in my own clothes. A little ways away, Fluttershy was sitting, quietly watching the event. My head lolled to the side and I asked Twilight,
“How long was I out?”
“Only a couple minutes, from what I gather. I just got here myself.” She explained. “Fluttershy said you just collapsed and then she got Pinkie and Rose to help carry you here.”
“Here, try and drink slowly.” The white earth pony returned with a paper cup of water. I took it politely and lifted it as a humble toast to Fluttershy.
“Well, thank you for that, Fluttershy.” Then, glancing at the nurse, I added, “And I’m sorry to be taking up your time, you guys must be busy today.”
“You just worry about yourself.” Nurse Redheart smiled tenderly. “And if it helps you feel better, nopony really got hurt today. However, we are busy setting up the empty rooms to house those whose homes got… well, eaten. But remember, nothing’s more important than your health.” Her voice was so calm and collected, it was almost like a verbal sedative.
“Thank you.”
“Though, it’s kind of exciting to be treating a human. You’re our first nonpony patient, after all. When they brought you in, we didn’t know if you needed to be laid out on your stomach or your back.” Nurse Redheart laughed. I shared the gesture, but my chuckle was dry and uninspired. Twilight and Fluttershy remained silent. After another moment, the nurse took that as an opportunity to leave,
“Well, let me know if I can help you with anything.” Twilight waited until the room was relatively private before asking,
“So, what happened?”
“I don’t know. I slept through it.” I sipped the water and tried to sit up again.
“Mark, please be serious about this. You really scared us there.” Twilight fretted.
“Scared you, how?” I demanded, an unintended edge to my voice. “I feel fine now. What more do you want?”
“But you said yourself that it was unusual. What if there’s something really wrong with you? We don’t know enough about humans to-”
“There’s nothing wrong with me!” I tossed back the last of my water, still feeling thirsty. And hungry. “I just had low blood sugar is all. I just need some food.”
“That’s what you always say.” Twilight sighed. A cold feeling, like an icy slug slid down the back of my neck and curled up around my stomach.
She was right. I was always hungry. And it wasn’t just my casual American snacking habits, either. I had been thinking more and more about food the past few weeks, even right after meals. Always craving, never full, always eating, never… satisfied.
As if my body was instinctively hunting for something.
“Hmph!” I snorted, trying to physically knock aside the thought. Like a bad habit, my body kept thinking that it needed meat, and I had hoped to put that behind me by now. Humans had been living on vegetarian diets long before I ever came round. I would be no different.
“Well, at least do us a favor and just take it easy for the rest of today, alright?” Twilight Sparkle looked at me with her large eyes. I pretended that I didn’t hear her and swung my legs over the edge of the bed defiantly.
“Can I go now?” In reply, the purple unicorn only stepped back. I pulled myself to my full height, but my head suddenly split with pain and stars burst around my eyes. I pretended not to see them. Somewhere from the corner of the room, Fluttershy finally spoke up,
“Mark, um… I was just wondering, um…”
“Yes, Fluttershy?” I invited. She gathered her courage before looking up and asking,
“Aside from fainting, have you noticed any other recent changes in yourself? Anything out of the ordinary?”
Crack!
To my surprise, the paper cup in my hand imploded, reduced to a wad of trash clutched under my white knuckles.
“I’m done with this.” I held up the ruined cup by two fingers. “Is there a garbage can around here?” I tried desperately to act casual, as if I had meant to ruin the little container. In truth, it was a rare display of physical emotion from me. If I were perfectly honest, Fluttershy had hit the nail on the head.
“No.” I shrugged. Not aside from my constant weariness, at least. Not aside from my lingering headaches. Not aside from my difficulty sleeping. Not aside from the constant green poops I’d been making. Not aside from the way my blood sometimes drained from my hands, leaving the skin looking like Colby-Jack cheese.
“Oh, because, um, I was wondering if you… if you wanted to come to my cottage for lunch today. You know, because you said you were hungry, and, um...” Fluttershy’s voice fell away, but she was looking up at me expectantly. Inwardly, I winced. My internal conflicts with what I could and could not eat around my friends were not something I wanted to wrestle with that day. Especially with Fluttershy around. Especially with her forest friends around.
“Um… thanks, Fluttershy, but I should probably see if anypony else could use my help. I could ask Nurse Redheart. I could probably help her with the bed linens.”
“I think she’s already done.” Twilight muttered, looking around for the nurse.
“Well, I didn’t mean just that! I could help-”
“No, Mark, Fluttershy’s right. You just go with her for now. Keep an eye on yourself and make sure you don’t do any more work today. You’ve already been a big help.” She added the last sentence when she saw the disappointment cross my face.
“A-” I wanted to object, but Twilight Sparkle gave me a stern look and I knew arguing would be futile.
“I’ll take care of him, Twilight.” Fluttershy smiled and looked up at me. (She should be more careful around people. I almost got diabetes just from how sweet she looked!)
“Thanks!” The purple unicorn revealed a long checklist and buried her nose in it as she trotted away. “I’ll see you both later!”
“Are you ready?” Fluttershy asked me. “Feeling better?”
“Why do you keep asking me that?” I let loose an exasperated sigh. “I’m perfectly fine!”
“Right!” The little pegasus flashed a small smile. For an instant, I thought the smile was fake, as if she knew something I didn’t, but before I could ask her anything, she led the way out of the hospital room and into Ponyville.
Upon reflection, I realized that this would be my first visit to Fluttershy’s cottage. For all the time I’d spent in ‘Bronyville’ with the girls, you’d have thought that I’d have toured all the landmarks and iconic locations, but that humble little house had eluded me. Partly because of how hungry I got every time I thought of Angel Bunny, but also because her house was, well, very secluded. On the edge of the forest and at the end of a narrow, winding footpath, most ponies would completely overlook it unless they knew exactly what they were looking for.
Just like its owner, it was a quaint place, humbly built, but bursting with nature’s soft beauty. Far from Rainbow Dash’s regal palace in the sky, Fluttershy’s cottage was about as earthy as possible. It was impossible to tell where the surrounding meadow stopped and the walls and grassy roof began.
“Sorry for the mess.” Fluttershy seemed to grow in confidence as we got further from Ponyville and closer to her animal sanctuary. “Oh, look! Everyone’s already done so much!”
It took me a second to realize she was referring to all the woodland critters swarming her house. Windows were open, swallowing and releasing an endless flight of birds, small furry rodents and varmints were scurrying out of the front door, and a large brown bear was nosing around the living room inside. Now that the parasprites were gone, all of Fluttershy’s friends had returned. A tawny field mouse saw the little yellow pegasus and ran over to her, holding out a bright red berry.
“Oh, why, thank you Mr. Burrow. Yes, yes, that looks lovely. Aw, you’re so sweet.” The mouse blushed at the praise and ran back towards the house, catching the attention of the other critters. Suddenly, all the creatures were showing Fluttershy what wild foods and trophies they had gathered.
“So, can you actually understand what they’re saying, or is it more that you’re just really good at reading an animal’s body language?” I spoke up from behind Fluttershy.
“Well, I guess I haven’t really thought about it.” She glanced around at the furry and feathery faces around her. “They just talk to me and I talk to them back. I hope that doesn’t sound too silly of me, but it’s always worked, I guess…”
“Not at all.” I shrugged. “Back home, I used to have a German shepherd, and our communication skills were almost psychic! But that was something I learned over a year of living with him. You’ve got quite a talent.” I watched the pegasus thanking each and every one of the creatures around her and sighed to myself, “Great… now I miss my puppy again…”
At that moment, Angel Bunny caught sight of me. He didn’t actually do anything, but the way he stared at me and the way his ears sprung upright as if they were full of Viagra told me that my presence unsettled him. A couple of the birds followed his example, growing strangely quiet as they stared down on me from the safety of their tree branches.
“Let’s see if there’s something we can make tea with.” Fluttershy led the way into her house. As I ducked inside, it occurred to me that the place was barely recognizable. At least, it would have been if I hadn’t already watched the episode where Discord turned the place upside-down. The parasprites had desecrated every inch of the house, from the wooden cupboards to the shredded bags in the pantry. Anything that used to house food had been ransacked, leaving chaos behind.
“Rrrowlll…” My wayward mind snapped back to the present as the largest of Fluttershy’s forest friends saw me. The giant brown bear that I had glimpsed earlier was looking at me with narrowed eyes, shuffling backwards and growing in his yawning way.
“Oh, Harry, that’s not very nice. This is our guest.” Fluttershy stepped up to the car-sized mammal as if it were a teddy bear. “This is Mark and we’re here to help him, alright? Alright, Harry?” But the bear’s scowl deepened. All around me, the constant din of animals was rising in volume.
My presence in the little hut had set off a ripple effect. All around me, within a five-foot bubble, birds were taking flight and mice were scurrying for the cover of the furniture. Fluttershy looked up in surprise as a dozen sparrows and cardinals flicked their tails and vanished out the window. The only animal that didn’t seem to be bothered by me was a sleepy leathery-skinned (and strangely familiar) tortoise, but then again, he couldn’t have run even if he wanted to.
“I’m so sorry, Mark. I just don’t know what’s gotten into them all of a sudden!” The pegasus glanced around, bewildered. I tore my eyes away from ‘Harry’ to see what she was referring to. All around me, timid wild animals were keeping their distance. Just as they had always done.
“Is something wrong?” I clarified, just to make sure we were both talking about the animals.
“Well, I just, I’ve never seen them react to one of my friends like that.”
“Like what?” If I didn’t have a headache, probably would have remembered that this wasn’t Earth anymore, it was a magical land of peace and harmony that Snow White herself would have envied.
“Well… I just don’t know. They seem so skittish around you.” A little swallow alighted on Fluttershy’s foreleg. When she tried to bring it closer to me, however, it dashed away as evanescent as a fairy.
“Oh…” I said, my shoulders deflating. “That’s how it’s always been between humans and animals.” Perhaps, somewhere deep down, they knew I was a predator.
“Oh, but. But why?” Fluttershy’s large eyes shimmered between confusion and sympathy. Not wanting either, I tried to change the subject,
“Is there anything I can do to help with the tea?”
“Oh, right! Here we go.”
Fluttershy quickly found her kettle and a stash of untouched tea leaves. The parasprites weren’t picky and had eaten anything left in the open, but my host was able to find a couple boxes of cookies and even a jar of jelly hidden in a sealed cupboard.
It felt good to relax after that morning’s exciting episode and Fluttershy and I quickly fell into a quiet, casual conversation about her cottage. Apparently, she and a few other ponies were in charge of the wellbeing of the town’s wild animals. She quickly explained, however, that the animals weren’t helpless on their own, but they sometimes needed some guidance. Little things, like scouting out new hive locations for the honey bees, helping brooding birds find enough nutrition for their hatchlings and even providing a safe and sanitary location for hibernating animals to store their hoard of food.
“So, then, a squirrel’s stockpile of nuts,” I wondered.
“Right through that door to the left.” Fluttershy beamed proudly. “At least, that’s where I would keep them, but the parasprites… Anyway, the animals are really quite helpful! They bring whatever they don’t immediately need and I just keep it safe until the winter.”
“I guess that makes more sense than you simply catering to their every need every day.” I casually sipped my tea as my eye wandered down to Angel Bunny. “Where I come from, animals instinctively do all their own foraging. If they don’t, they-” die, “-um… don’t grow up big and strong…”
“Oh, dear… That’s so harsh…” Fluttershy sounded crestfallen. Fortunately, I had one thing that I wanted to ask her that would surely cheer her up,
“Actually, I’ve been meaning to ask you, Fluttershy. See, lately I’ve been missing my pets back home a lot. And, well, I haven’t asked Twilight yet, but if it’s alright with her, do you think you could, I don’t know. Could you help me find a new pet? Something to help me feel more at home?”
As predicted, Fluttershy’s smile grew like the sunrise. I don’t think she even realized that she was floating out of her chair as she gushed,
“Oh! Oh, really? You’re thinking of adopting a pet? Oh, I’d love to help!”
“Well, I mean, assuming Twilight Sparkle is ok with it. I haven’t really mentioned anything to her yet and I’m still her guest.” To my bewilderment, Fluttershy sank back into her chair.
“Oh, that’s right. I completely forgot. Twilight asked me to, well.” She looked up at me with her pale blue eyes. “Before we can find a pet for you to take care of, we need to make sure you can take care of yourself first.”
“What do you mean?” Confusion laced my voice. Fluttershy hesitated, staring down at the floor and petting her hoof as she assembled her thoughts. I tried to not stare too hard while I waited, quietly sipping my tea.
“Um… Well… Mark, you’re our friend and… Oh, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way at all, but…” Her apprehension activated just about every mental ‘red flag’ I had. Looking calm had never before been such an effort. “You see… We were just wondering… Ah… Why won’t you tell us what’s wrong?”
I froze mid-sip.
“What do you mean?” I ventured. All those red flags were silently shouting my worst fears, but there was always the chance I was wrong. Every fiber of my body was praying that this wasn’t about my little fainting incident.
“No! It’s nothing personal. Just remember that we’re all here for you, and-”
“Please.” I invited patiently. “Please be candid with me. What’s bothering you?”
“Well,” Fluttershy turned completely away from me as she tried to avoid my gaze. “We don’t know everything about humans, but all of us, lots of ponies, agree that you don’t look well. Applejack says that every week you seem to lose some energy. Rainbow Dash told us that you’ve been spending more time walking on your own, but going less and less far. And Twilight Sparkle was worried because you’re not healing from bruises as fast as you used to.” The little pegasus glanced back at me. “I’ve noticed, too that you look a lot more pale nowadays.”
So, my secret wasn’t as secret as I thought.
The mild herb tea that I had been drinking turned bitter in my stomach. Instead of its pleasant warmth, an ember of anger smoldered in my chest. My tongue worked nervously in its bed, which was probably the reason why my voice sounded deeper than I intended when I said,
“So, then… Did they put you up to this? Figure I’d be more willing to talk if it was just the two of us out here having a nice cup of tea?” I set down my cup and saucer with a definite clink.
“No! Well, yes, but that’s not-”
“How much you wanna bet Twilight’s got her ear pressed to the window?” I stood up suddenly. “Or Pinkie Pie? Right, there’s no way I’d be able to catch her, though. Brilliant plan, girls!”
“It’s nothing like that.” Fluttershy insisted. “We just all wanted you to know that we want to help. Whatever’s happening, we want you to know that you can trust us and if something’s hurting you, we want you to be able to tell us.”
“And what if you’re hurting me?” I demanded. My fingers were twitching without my consent, adding to the feeling of irritation and unease pumping through my veins. “Or what if I’m hurting me? It’s not so simple as a little friendship problem, Fluttershy! But if you insist on pushing the boundaries of personal space, that’s exactly what this is going to be! Apparently, my friends don’t trust me to take care of my own problems. Apparently, they think they know what’s best for me! Apparently, they don’t believe in me!”
An emotional pressure was welling up within me, forcing the air out of my lungs faster and faster until I was practically shouting. Every small critter in the house was chattering, chirping and crying, adding to my throbbing headache. I could feel the muscles in my face pulling painfully, threatening to twist my expression into something resembling Mark Hamill crying. Fluttershy, however, remained strangely calm.
“But, how is anything better if you keep it to yourself?” She asked with her softest voice. “You look like you’re in a lot of pain, trying to hold whatever is wrong inside you. And have you thought about us? We’re your friends, too. It hurts us when we can’t stop what’s hurting you.”
Everything in my head and neck tightened. My jaw locked up, my throat narrowed and tears were forced from my leering eyes. After a couple forced breaths, I managed to say,
“Yes, it hurts. And I don’t like this any more than you do, but as my friends, just know that it’s for the best.” I suddenly turned towards the door, leaving Fluttershy staring after me with a wounded expression. “And please, don’t ask me again, because I just might tell you what’s wrong. And I couldn’t bear hurting you like that.”
“Mark-”
I threw the door closed behind me and marched forward as quickly as I could, not caring where I went or how I got there, but determined to move fast enough so that Fluttershy wouldn’t follow me. My misty eyes showed only enough of the dirt path for me to put one foot in front of the other and my seizing lungs mechanically inhaled and exhaled. Troubled thoughts pursued me like wasps.
There you have it.
My secret had caught up to me. Taking one nutrition class as a ‘filler’ in one college semester hardly made me an expert, but there was no denying the signs. Pale? Difficulty sleeping? Lack of energy? Headaches? Fainting?
… Irritable?
“Shut up!” I snapped at the air.
I was malnourished. And I didn’t have to be a genius to guess what I wasn’t getting enough of. There simply wasn’t enough protein in an equestrian diet to support healthy human functions. At least, not in the way humans could metabolize it. Forget the initial ‘culture shock’ that normally trips up first-time vegetarians, I had been effectively starving my body for months and now my little secret was manifesting before my friend’s eyes. It was my nightmare come true.
I couldn’t hide it anymore. They knew something was wrong and the longer I held to my new diet, the worse the symptoms would become. What was the most extreme symptom the professor had mentioned? Lack of brain function? Muscle deterioration? Internal injury? It didn’t matter. I was hurting.
But it wasn’t my choice. I simply couldn’t bring myself to kill something for a mouthful of food. I refused to bring blood to Equestria just so I could reduce a living, breathing creature to a mere meal. My own life wasn’t worth the dozens, hundreds, of sentient animals I’d need to consume to stay healthy. (Not to mention, whatever I hunted would probably beg for its life until the end…)
I couldn’t tell the girls. They trusted me as an ally, as a representative of the human race, and as a friend. I would betray all of that if they knew that my health came from trading in the lives of other creatures. But as it stood now, they thought I didn’t trust them. I thought they didn’t trust me. They thought I was hurting myself. I thought they were hurting me. My obstinate behavior was wounding them. Their prying was wounding me.
Round and around and around the thoughts buzzed until I begged for relief. My first solution was to take one of my relaxing walks, but I realized that I didn’t feel like walking anywhere. I just didn’t have the energy. With that depressing realization, I sunk down on a bench under a tree and cradled my hand within my clawed fingers.
I don’t know how long I sat there. Dark and gloomy thoughts dipped in and out of my head like vultures. And they didn’t have to be fully formed or logical, either. I thought of running away, of hiding in the Everfree, living off the creatures found there and returning to Ponyville whenever a new episode was happening. But that would only make me freakier than I already was to the ponies. I thought of simply leaving, wandering into new lands where no creature would care if I ate meat or not. But that would mean never seeing any of my friends again. I even thought of asking Zecora to brew something that would change me into a pony, or even just an herbivore., but there was no indication that such a procedure really existed or what the side-effects would be. (I remembered that most of the destruction around me was due to the unexpected side-effect of a particularly large and hasty spell.)
Perhaps if my ears weren’t buzzing with my own depression, I might have heard a couple mares coming up the path towards me. If my eyes weren’t covered by my hands, I might had seen them watching me warily. If I wasn’t so self-absorbed, I might had realized they were talking about me,
“I don’t know… Shouldn’t we just steer clear of him?”
“Come on, Lyra. We can’t just leave him like that.”
“It’s not a puppy, Bon Bon. What if he actually wants to be alone?”
“Really? I know you’d never want me to leave you like that.”
“That’s not fair…”
“Tell you what. I’ll check it out while you wait here. In three minutes, come up with an urgent excuse for me to leave.”
“All right… Just-”
“-Don’t let him follow me home?”
“That’s what I was going to say!”
“I know, Lyra.”
“Well, go on, then. Three minutes.”
“Three minutes.”
I was right in the middle of a particularly half-baked melancholy (involving hunting rodents at night) when a shadow fell over my feet. I looked up to see a vanilla-colored earth pony with a curly pink and purple mane. She was carrying baskets on her sides full of colorful banners to replace those the swarm had eaten.
“Can I help you, Bon Bon?” I straightened up, trying to wipe away my puffy eyes. She blinked.
“That’s my line. But yeah, I was going to ask if everything was all right.”
“Why does everypony keep asking me-” I threw my hands up in the air, leapt to my feet and was just about to throw myself into a rant when I realized that I didn’t care anymore. The energy left my limbs and I collapsed back onto the bench like a deflated ‘waving man’. (The kind you see at cheap car dealerships whenever they have a sale.) With my head hanging limply over the back of my seat and my eyes staring into the sky, I admitted,
“No… Everything’s not all right…” Bon Bon shuffled her hooves for a second before venturing,
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“… Sure…” What did I have to lose? “Why not?” Bon Bon respectfully kept silent while I gathered my thoughts and sat down beside me. I didn’t know where to begin, so I started off vague, “Friendship problems always look so easy when they’re not your own, huh?”
“I thought that’s what this looked like.” The cream-colored mare nodded knowingly. “Friends… You can’t live with them and you can’t live without them!”
“Yeah… Well, today’s problem is all about secrets and worrying about other people’s business and… Do you know what it’s like to keep a secret from your friend? I mean a dangerous secret? One where you think you’re protecting them, but they think you’re being hurtful until it gets to the point where you don’t know if you’ve caused more damage to your friendship by hiding something all along?”
Bon Bon looked up at me with large, shocked eyes. Apparently, she hadn’t been expecting something quite that philosophical right off the bat. To my surprise, she just went with it,
“Wow!... That’s… oddly specific… But everyone has their secrets, I guess.”
“But it’s not my secret anymore.” I stared off into space, picturing the concerned look Twilight Sparkle gave me when I woke up in the hospital. “My other friends know something is wrong and they’re angry that I won’t tell them what it is.”
“And what happens if you tell them?”
“… Everything will change…” My throat grew tight as if someone had just pulled a noose around it. “They’ll never look at me the same way again. There’d be no going back…” My nose tickled.
“… How do you know?” The mare asked. “How do you know things will change?”
“You don’t know what the secret is.” I winced angrily. “It’s like betrayal!”
“Well, if it’s that serious, and they already suspect that something is wrong, don’t you think they should hear it from you instead of finding it out for themselves?” Bon Bon tilted her head, sending her curls bouncing. “I mean, if you want to talk about betrayal, then you can at least show them that you trust them enough to be honest when the time comes. Losing a friend’s trust is the fastest way to lose a friend-”
“Forever!” Bon Bon and I practically leapt out of our skin as Pinkie Pie sprung up behind our bench, growling angrily. However, the pink pony immediately sank back out of sight like a periscope and when I bent back to look for her, she had vanished.
“Well… That was random…” Bon bon’s eyes were stuck wide open.
“You’d think so…” I muttered.
“But think about it.” She continued. “We all have our secrets and we all have our reasons, but when it comes down to it, no secret is going to last forever. And a secret is a terrible burden to carry around. Wouldn’t you rather let somepony support you when you’re struggling? Sharing what you’ve kept bottled up might seem scary, but if your friendship if a true one, both of you will be stronger for it. And you’ll be closer with your friends than ever before. You’ll prove to each other that you don’t have to ever deal with things alone.”
“It sounds like a nice theory…” I muttered. “But I don’t know if I have the courage to take the first step.”
“Then ask yourself, what’s more important? Your secret or your friends?”
“Bon Bon! Over here! Come quick! There’s a giant hairy bumblebee!” A sleek, minty-green unicorn waved at us frantically from the head of a narrow street. Lyra Heartstrings seemed desperate for Bon Bon to join her. The earth pony waved back and got to her hooves. She glanced back at me and smiled slyly,
“Just talk with them. After all… Nopony wants to be alone.” And with that, Bon Bon trotted off to her friend. I smiled warmly at the ground between my feet, mulling over her words in my head. If I had paid attention to the two ponies for a moment longer, I might have heard them saying,
“A bumblebee? That’s the best you could come up with, Lyra?”
“Well, just look at it! It’s ginormous! You could shave it and make a sweater out of it!”
“Ew! No thank you! I hate bugs…”
I finally realized that I wanted to talk with my friends more than anything. I had been alone for too long, had been bottling up my innermost thoughts for too long, I simply wanted someone to share them with.
That only made it more painful when I remembered that I couldn’t.
Carnivores were monsters. There was no getting around that fact. In this world, animals weren’t dumb or brainless, they were just differently-shaped people. Where was the distinction between pony and cow and rabbit? Was there one? Would the ponies care?
“Now I know how Kaneki felt in the first episode of Tokyo Ghoul.” I groaned, looking around at the world of edible animals I was living in. “Like a predator desperately wishing it wasn’t.”
But Bon Bon’s words weren’t completely wasted on me. I needed help. I wanted help. I needed my friends. Now more than ever. I started thinking of ways I could get the best of both worlds, (this scene is too serious to tell a Miley Cyrus joke) a way that would let me tell them about what was bothering me without changing the way they saw me.
Unfortunately, life moved me into checkmate before I could even come up with a strategy.
“Oof! Hey there, Mark!” Pinkie Pie fell out of a nearby tree like a piece of ripe fruit.
“Pinkie Pie? What are you doing there? Actually, you know what? Don’t answer that.” She ignored me,
“Well, after I said ‘foREver’, I remembered something important that I forgot, and so I hovered nearby, as unobtrusive and graceful as a pelican. Rainbow Dash is right, those trees are comfy! I can see why she likes them. Of course, I prefer to nap on marshmallows whenever I can find enough. But what can you do when-”
“You remembered something important?” I tried to jump her train of thought back onto the right tracks.
“Hm? Oh! Right! How are you?” She looked up at me expectantly, blinking.
“What is it?”
“That was it, silly! How are you?”
“What do you mean?” I was too flustered to realize that this was the hundredth time I’d been asked that.
“Yeesh! And here I was, thinking you spoke fluent Equestian. ‘How are you?’ is an interrogative sentence composed of three words, designed as an informal query about the listener’s health, either due to a genuine concern or a casual greeting between friends and/or acquaintances. The first word ‘how’ implies an action that is unknown to the speaker, so it signifies that a variable is being inquired about. ‘Are’ is a tricky one, as it’s the fundamental state of being the object is currently occupying and thus-”
“I’m fine!” I shouted against the torrent of words washing over me.
“Oh! That’s a relief!” Pinkie Pie rolled her eyes. “When Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy conspired together and hatched that plot to casually invite you to tea so that they could lure you into a false sense of security and manipulate you into opening up about the deep dark secret that’s been slowly eating you up, I figured something serious was going on!” Pinkie Pie giggled. “But it’s nice to know that your talk with Fluttershy helped you feel better.”
“What?” I frowned. “I never said that. In fact, we didn’t talk about that at all.”
“You didn’t?”
“No, we didn’t. I stormed out before that.”
“Oh! Then you’re in luck!”
“How so…?” I asked cautiously.
“Well, I thought you were done confiding in Fluttershy, so I figured everypony would want to know how much better you felt now that that was behind you, so I called them all over while you were talking to Bon Bon.”
“You what?” My heart fell into my stomach with a sickening splash.
“But this is even better! I’m not implying that I was dropping eves, but I agree with Bon Bon. The best way to cure a festering secret is to blab it to the world! And now here’s your chance!”
“I told them they were just being silly, but you know what a worrywart Twi can be.” In a flurry of rainbow-colored wind, a cyan pegasus dropped out of the sky and trotted up beside me. “There’s no reason to worry about you. You’re pretty tough, Mark. Just not as tough as me! I’ve never had to go to the hospital!”
“Dash?” I asked uncertainly. “What are you doing here?”
“I don’t know. Pinkie said it was important. Said you had something to tell us.”
“No! I don’t!” I spun around. “Pinkie! Tell her you were mistaken!”
“Now now…” The pink mare clicked her tongue in a motherly fashion. “Just trust Dr. Pie. The best way to resolve this problem is to stop dancing around it. Just like the best way to get rid of a bug bite is to scratch it vigorously!”
“You’re insane…” I gasped.
“What’s wrong?” Rainbow Dash looked up at me.
“Nothing!” I snapped.
“Well, you could’ve fooled me.” A drawl-laced voice came from behind Rainbow Dash. Applejack was pulling a cart full of debris behind her and she wore a critical expression beneath her Stetson.
“Applejack…?”
“Really, dear, we just want what’s best for you.” I whirled around to see Rarity and Twilight Sparkle cautiously stepping forward. My friends surrounded me like a pack of velociraptors. There was nowhere to run.
“Rarity? Twilight? You don’t understand…. I-”
“What wouldn’t we understand?” Rainbow Dash demanded.
“I don’t need your help...” I tried to speak, tried to smile, but the sound that came from my lips quivered. The gesture on my face faltered. “I’m fine, really. You don’t have to worry about me.”
“Oh, stop actin’ all high an’ mighty, Mark!” Applejack shook off her harness and marched forward. “Weren’t you there with me when I learned to put some pride aside and admit when I needed help?”
“This is different!”
“How so?” Twilight invited. “What makes it different? What could be worth all this frustration for?”
“Frustration?” Rainbow Dash cocked her head. “He’s just a little under the weather, isn’t he?”
“Well, Mark, now that we’re all here, here’s your chance!” Pinkie Pie cheered.
“I never said I wanted this!” I bellowed.
“But Fluttershy-”
“I never spoke with Fluttershy!”
“You what?” Twilight blinked, confused. She glanced behind her to where Fluttershy had soundlessly crept onto the scene. The yellow pegasus looked as if she wanted to disappear as she admitted,
“He thought… I mean, he didn’t really want to talk very much… At least, not about his problem…”
“I don’t have a problem!” I spun from one face to the other.
“Now you’re just lyin’!” Applejack accused. “We weren’t born yesterday, y’know.”
“And you! If you wanted to say something, why not just say it to my face? Instead, you’re kibitzing with Twilight?”
“I tried talking to you! We all did!” The earth pony retorted. “But you’d just clam up!”
“Enough! This is getting ridiculous!” Rarity scolded.
“Yeah!” I agreed.
“Mark, I have to agree with Applejack. You simply must learn when to let your friends help you.” The white unicorn locked eyes with me. “And now is as good a time as any!”
“No!”
“Come on! Don’t you think you’ve been dancing around this long enough?” Twilight Sparkle asked.
“Please… I don’t think that yelling is helping…” Fluttershy’s voice was buried under the growing wave of noise.
It was the most unusual assault I’ve ever experienced. From every direction, came accusations, worries, and scoldings, and all the while, each pony thought they were doing me a favor. Their faces ranged from frustrated, to confused, to fretful, to genuinely concerned. My head throbbed as if Athena was trying to break out of it and my blood began to boil. This wasn’t how I’d pictured this moment. Not like this. Not now. Not in front of Fluttershy. In self defense, I lashed out,
“Shut up! Shut up all of you!”
“But Mark…”
“No! I refuse!”
“You’re sick! We just want to help you!” Twilight insisted.
“And I’ll stay sick! That’s the way it has to be!”
“Just tell us what it is already!” Rainbow Dash shrugged her hooves helplessly.
“I’d rather die!” I roared.
“Mister Mark! That’s quite enough!” Fluttershy suddenly leapt up from where she had been crouching. She flared her wings, rose above my head, folded her forelegs, and all of a sudden,
I was struck by the full power of the Stare.
There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in a storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man. Or, in this case, mare. In that moment, I knew. I knew what it was like to feel small. What it was like to have one’s soul crushed under the sheer weight of anothers’. It was as if all my anger, all my frustration, all my compounding emotional momentum had suddenly been turned back upon me and I saw myself in her eyes. I was startled by my behavior and ashamed of how I had lost control. (Later, I would theorize that this was the true power of the Stare, to crush anger by reflecting it back upon itself. And that’s why it didn’t work on Discord. He wasn’t actually angry to begin with.) At that moment, however, all I knew was that I couldn’t fight anymore. My heart was raw and bare before the power of the gentle pegasus’s glare.
“Now, are we going to keep yelling, or are you ready to talk?” Fluttershy demanded.
“…T- talk…” I nodded dumbly.
“Do you think that was nice of you? Raising your voice?”
I shook my head, unable to speak.
“Don’t you remember your friends? Aren’t these girls your friends?” The pegasus asked.
I nodded, but couldn’t look away from the Stare. I could feel my bottom lip trembling.
“Is that really any way to treat your friends?”
“…*sniff*…”
“So? What do you have to say for yourself?”
“I’m sorry!” I collapsed onto my knees and buried my head beneath my shaking shoulders. “I’m so sorry!...”
The other ponies stood nearby, unsure of what was happening or how to react, but I didn’t care. It was unfair of me to shout at them. It was uncalled for. All they were doing was trying to help me. And I had returned their kindness by flinging accusations at them. I crumbled away as I repeated my apology over and over again. Suddenly, a tender hoof stroked my back,
“There, there. Nobody blames you. There’s no need to be worried. You’re just not feeling yourself. You’ve still got your friends. We’re still here for you.” Fluttershy whispered. She laid her neck on mine and gave the softest hug I’d ever felt.
“I don’t get it.” Rainbow Dash shifted awkwardly on her hooves.
“Now, Rainbow Dash!” Fluttershy looked up, “Can’t you see how scared he is? Mark was willing to give up everything because he didn’t know how we were going to react to his secret. Don’t you think you should show some more support?” The other pegasus fell silent.
“But this still hasn’t changed anything.” Rarity whispered. Fluttershy continued petting my shoulder.
“Are you ready to tell them?” She asked. I was still shaking, but managed to nod.
“Yeah. They need to know. You all deserve to know.”
“Is this about how you need to eat meat?” Fluttershy asked. I hiccupped as a sob was cut short. I looked up into Fluttershy’s face, but I couldn’t find any trace of uncertainty. She merely smiled reassuringly.
“… How…” My mouth opened and closed uselessly. It was a miracle that even that one word escaped.
“Did she just say, ‘meat’?” Applejack clarified.
“Say what now?” Rainbow Dash flinched.
“I beg pardon?” Rarity held a hoof to her neck.
“Meat! Mark’s a carnivore!” Pinkie Pie shouted to the heavens. “Wait, what?”
“Do you want to explain?” Fluttershy held onto my hand as I slowly stood up. “I think that would be best.”
“… Sure…”
My mind was still reeling from the emotional whiplash it was going through, but I decided that I should try and clarify a few things before the girls jumped to any conclusions. I looked around at the circle of faces. Applejack looked eager to hear my explanation, but patient. Rainbow Dash looked eager and impatient. Poor Rarity didn’t know if she wanted me to explain or not. And Pinkie Pie was as expressionless as a dry-erase board. Only Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy didn’t look in the least surprised. Not how I imagined their reactions.
“She’s right…” I gestured to Fluttershy. “But only partly right. Turns out… humans are omnivores.”
“You eat everything?” Twilight clarified.
“Well, where I come from, there aren’t any lithovores, like Spike, or auravores, like the wendigos. When a human says ‘everything’, they really just mean the commonly accepted food groups.” I held up my fingers and started counting, “Grains, vegetables, fruit, dairy and… proteins…”
“Meat.” Rainbow Dash tilted her head down and looked at me through her bangs. “And we’re made of meat.”
“We don’t eat horses!” I explained hastily. “But yes, animals.”
“Oh my…” Rarity glanced sideways at Twilight, but the purple pony just nodded and said,
“So that’s why you didn’t want to tell us? You thought we’d be frightened of you?”
“Well, yes…” I rubbed my shoulder. “… Are you?” There was a moment of uncomfortable silence as I searched the surrounding faces for any sign of emotion. As expected, Rainbow Dash was the first to speak up,
“Hey, you already said you don’t eat ponies. So what’s the problem?” I’d be hard pressed to express the gratitude I felt towards her in that moment. Rainbow Dash stepped forward supportively and the other ponies eventually followed her example.
“Though, this will still take some explaining.” Rarity clarified.
“Best we start from the beginning.” Applejack encouraged.
“Well, I don’t really know where to start.” I gestured helplessly. “Equestria is different from my home. Culturally, you all have very close friendships with farm animals and forest animals. I didn’t want to tell you girls, especially Fluttershy, because I didn’t want to see your reaction when you found out I could eat your critter friends.” I glanced down at the yellow pegasus, still holding my hand. “Which reminds me, how did you find out, Fluttershy?”
“Oh… that…” She blushed and looked away. “It really wasn’t anything special…”
“Don’t let her fool you.” Twilight Sparkle spoke up. “It was mostly her theory, after all.”
“What did she theorize?” I asked.
“Well, when you first arrived in Ponyville, Mark, I was talking with Fluttershy about your weird teeth.” The nerdy pony explained, “We were trying to figure out what kind of foods you were built for, but my research was going nowhere. Your canines are too big to be a complete herbivore, but they’re tiny compared to an actual carnivore.”
“And so I said, ‘well, maybe he only eats a little meat’.” Fluttershy explained.
“And that was the best theory I had.” Twilight shrugged.
“Well… for me at least… um… it was your eyes.” The yellow pegasus looked away again.
“My eyes?”
“The way they look forward…” Fluttershy hid behind her hair to avoid the curious looks from the other ponies. “I’ve noticed, well, that only predators have eyes on the front of their face… You know, instead of the sides like bunnies and doves…”
“… I see…”
“Well, until I met you, at least!” The shy pegasus quickly corrected. “You’re no monster! Right, girls?”
“Ah…” Rarity still seemed hesitant.
“Well, duh!” Rainbow Dash smiled easily.
“Right noble of you, partner.” Applejack tipped her hat. “After seein’ how you’d rather get sick instead of frighten us all, that’s some true sacrifice right there! It ain’t easy for a guy to go hungry. That is, if’n Big Mac’s any indication…”
Pinkie Pie had been standing quietly for a while now, but her cheeks had been gradually swelling as if they were holding a mixture of baking soda and vinegar. Finally, she burst out,
“Whatdoesmeattastelike?”
“Pinkie?” I frowned.
“I’m curious.” She shrugged. “Because I had a dream once where I ‘accidentally’ ate a squirrel and it tasted like cookie dough.”
“What do you mean, ‘accidentally’?” Applejack cocked an eyebrow.
“Well, it’s got to be properly cleaned of course, but there’s all kinds of variations. Meats can be heavy, like beef, or light, like poultry. And the texture can be rubbery, like sushi or really solid, like pork…” My words died out when I saw the look on Rarity’s face. The white unicorn was squinting and her top lip was threatening to curl up in disgust. (Even if she didn’t know what any of those words meant, her imagination was filling in the blanks.) “You know what? I’m not going to explain it.”
“Wha-?” Pinkie’s ears drooped.
“No. That’s just disrespectful to you guys and it’s disrespectful to your culture. I mean, how would I feel if a blue, gelatinous jellyfish alien came to my hometown and started describing how to properly suck brains out from human ears? Yeah, I’d probably feel like Rarity over there.”
“I think I might have to excuse myself.” Never before had a white unicorn looked so green.
“You mean you’ve met blue gelatinous jellyfish aliens before?”
“Of course not, Pinkie! It’s a metaphor! Ouch!” A sharp pain drove into my forehead again. The headache had never really left, but as soon as I tried to raise my voice, it came back with a vengeance.
“This is really serious, Mark.” Fluttershy put a hoof on my forehead. “You really should have come to us sooner. Come on, let’s find you some food.”
“Like what?” I lamented. “I’m not going anywhere near your forest friends. How the heck am I going to supplement my diet?”
“I might have an idea.” She said quietly. I was going to ask, but Fluttershy merely took me by the hand and led be back towards her cottage. “I think there’s something you need to see. Twilight, I’ll be helping Mark, so could you please explain everything to the other girls?”
“Sure thing, Fluttershy. Good luck.” Twilight Sparkle waved at us and then turned to face the remaining ponies. Until I fell out of earshot, I could hear her describing to the girls about carnivorism in the most objective way possible and how it’s not inherently evil.
“So… what did you want to show me?” I asked my guide.
“You’ll see…” She simply said.
Sure enough, she led me all the way back to her cottage and then asked me to wait while she found a snack for her critter friends. I stood out of the way while she flew to and fro, laying out little bowls and filling them with vegetables and berries. She hummed lightly to herself as she poured out seed for the songbirds and then set to work digging up grubs for the nesting chicks. Finally, I watched her catch a couple small fish to feed a family of ferrets living beneath her bridge. I watched silently, slowly coming to accept what had been in front of me all along,
“So, the ‘circle of life’ is nothing new to you after all.” I whispered as she trotted back to me.
“You sound surprised, Mark.”
“Well, here I was thinking you’d be appalled to learn about my eating habits.”
“Not at all. I mean, it’s just a fact of life, after all… Even if animals sometimes have to eat other animals, there’s no reason we can’t all be friends.”
“You… are a singularly remarkable person, Fluttershy.” I sighed, shaking my head, but smiling. She glanced at the ground and looked back into her house. Harry the bear was just finishing up a bowl of berries and was nudging it across the floor.
“Oh! Um… so I was thinking…” Fluttershy went into her cottage and led out the giant mammal. Harry’s beady eyes narrowed when he saw me, but the yellow pegasus was quick to chastise him, “Now, Harry, we’ll have none of that. This is Mark. He’s our friend now, all right?”
“Weaargh!” Giant brown shoulders shrugged.
“That’s better.” Fluttershy grinned. “Now Mark needs some help and I think you are just the person to help him.”
“Say what?” I looked from the little pegasus to the mountain of muscle and fur towering over her.
“Harry is always going into the Everfree forest, so I figured he’d be a perfect guide for you, Mark.” Fluttershy explained. “He knows where it’s safe and where all the best fishing spots are, isn’t that right, Harry?”
“Hmmmph!” I couldn’t tell if that gesture was a grimace or a dopy grin.
“So, Mark, as long as you’re away from Ponyville, you shouldn’t have to worry about what you’re hunting.” My friend gave a small, but nervous smile. “And besides, I don’t want you ever going in there alone anymore, all right?”
“Sounds good. Thank you, Fluttershy.” I walked up to Harry and (after realizing that I was seriously asking a bear) said, “Sound good to you, Harry?”
“Rrawwwhnph!” The bear just yawned and lumbered past me.
“He says, ‘sure’.” Fluttershy translated. “Oh, Im’ so glad…”
After that, Fluttershy and I finally had our talk. I didn’t hide anything anymore, and if Fluttershy found our conversation about proper meat cooking techniques disgusting, she didn’t show it. In fact, she was attentive and polite through the whole thing. Also, it was during that conversation that I remembered more details from my nutrition class, like how I could use beans and rice to supplement my protein intake. Or spinach to supplement my iron intake. It was remarkable how simply talking aloud helped me so much more than keeping silent.
The next day, Harry and I made our first expedition together to the Everfree Forest. Though he still seemed nervous around me, the big guy showed me his own private fishing hole. It was a cool and quiet stretch of river filled with large rocks and deep dips in the bed. The icy water was crystal clear and I could just barely make out the silhouettes of fish nestled in the wake of the stones. Before I could even get a fire started, my hairy guide had plucked a gorgeous trout out of the water and tossed it onto the bank.
It was a spiritual experience. At first, I couldn’t even eat the fish because my throat tightened up. After cleaning and cooking it, I fell to my knees and thanked God for his blessings. I didn’t thank him for the fish, of course, that would have been selfish and more than a little creepy. No, I was thankful for the good friends I had found. For friends who were there for me even when I didn’t appreciate them. For a true friendship that didn’t let me go, despite my hardships and secrets.
And the support I found from my friends was more than I could have ever hoped for. Rainbow Dash was the first to pretend as if nothing had happened. Though this might seem callous of her and overly-trusting, I found that it was the best thing anyone could have done for me. I had always feared that things would change between me and the girls if they ever found out I ate meat, but Rainbow’s loyalty helped heal my heart more than anything. (Whether she knew it or not.)
Applejack surprised me by purchasing beans and rice in bulk and helped me find good prices for things like tofu and spinach. She also pointed out how Winona was technically a carnivore, but also a valued member of the family. Once again, I had missed that detail simply because I was caught up in my own thoughts.
Pinkie Pie was probably the most awkward change after my ‘episode’. We kept having conversations like this one,
“What do blue jays taste like? Blueberries?”
“Never tried them.”
“Then, what about pigs?”
“A heavy meat, sweeter than most, it’s commonly a breakfast course.”
“What do dogs taste like?”
“Never tried ‘em.”
“Well, what do grasshoppers taste like?”
“Never tried them. I got one of those cricket-lollypops once, but I couldn’t actually get to the bug because the candy was so revolting.”
“What do ants taste like?”
“Spicy, and I don’t want to explain why I know that.”
“What do ponies taste like?”
“For the last time, I’ve never eaten horse meat. Though, I’ve heard some speculation that certain pegasi taste like chicken and certain unicorns taste like marshmallows…”
“How do you make a meat cupcake?”
“You don’t.”
“But-”
“Don’t even go there… EVER!”
Rarity’s attitude towards me was probably the most changed. At least, the most similar to how I had feared the ponies would react. Whenever I spoke with her, the conversation would feel forced and wooden. I would catch her glancing at my teeth and sometimes she’d even avoid eye contact. But, even she eventually overcame her apprehension by admitting,
“Well, I still think eating meat is unfit for decent civilization, but I suppose it can’t be helped… And you have certainly proven yourself to be a gentleman about it all…”
My recovery over the next couple months was slow, but between Fluttershy’s tender treatment, Twilight’s watchful care, and my new recipes, I was soon back to my old self. As it turned out, crankiness and depression were both symptoms that accompanied malnutrition. Well, perhaps I was a little different. That vegetarian diet really threw my digestive system off-kilter and I had become pretty lean.
Bon Bon had been right all along. Yes, it was scary to reveal a secret. Yes, it had been hard on my friendships. Yes, things had changed. But in the end, my friends had supported me. My friendships were stronger than ever. And things had changed for the best.
“So, did you learn anything about friendship?” Twilight Sparkle asked me when the whole ordeal had finished.
“Dear Princess Twilight,” I began sarcastically, “today I learned that sometimes the solution to your problems can come from where you least expect it. And that sometimes, your friends might surprise you when you take the time to actually listen to them.”
“Sounds like you could have saved everyone a lot of trouble if you had actually been paying attention to my friendship report to the princess.” Twilight shook her head.
“Don’t worry.” I said quickly, “I won’t make the same mistake twice.”