I was almost giddy when Applejack cracked that crate open.
I lifted out a trio of books with my magic. They had the musty smell of history! "Oh my god, Frontier Journals? Original naturalistic observations on seed cataloging? Applejack, why didn't you tell me you had these!"
The farm mare chuckled and lay down on the library's couch. We'd come to the reading area to go over her find. "Honestly I just found 'em today. I knew we had a pile of books lying around, I just never bothered to dig them out 'till now."
I gave her a huge smile. "Well I'm glad you did! Look at this mix..." There were old books, new books, children's books, photo albums... I started sorting them by date and subject, plus a little pile to read later. Oh I wished, Spike was here! But I'd promised him the morning off after tea and of course he'd decided to use it to catch up on his sleep.
I think he would have enjoyed it actually, there were quite a few vintage comics in the crate. I winced when I saw the way one of them drew a zebra... But I supposed such things were historically important. Ignoring that racism occurred in the past was inviting it to the future. Still, I tucked that particular issue firmly at the bottom of the stack, Dewey Decimal System or no.
That actually brought up a good point. I looked up at the lounging farmer, who to my surprise was leafing through a young adult adventure novel. "Applejack... I should ask, are you donating these? I mean, usually when ponies show up with old books it means they're giving them to the public." Although I really needed to establish a new library branch...
AJ blinked, "Well, Ah mean... Normally I'd be all for that, but some of these are a mite personal."
I nodded. That made sense, I picked up a photo album full of baby pictures. I knew I wouldn't want pictures of me covered in spaghetti sauce available to the general public. I mean, seriously in some cases AJ was in very revea-
I closed the book in shock. I felt my cheeks blushing crimson... Wait... Was that?
Applejack tilted her head. "Uh... Twi? Are you alright sugar cube?"
I forced a smile. "Uh... Sure! I just..." Oh lord, what was I supposed to say? Sweet Celestia Twilight! I needed to be cool, for Applejack's sake if nothing else. Maybe it was a prank? No, it was way to crude to be an AJ prank, it was Rainbow Dash who hid the marital aid under my pillow after all.
AJ looked nervous.
I sighed... Well, if there was anything I knew she'd appreciate it was honesty. "I... Um... I may have seen some pictures of you that were extremely personal... from when you were very young."
AJ went from nervous to quaking... She grit her teeth and looked me in the eye. "Twi... There's something I need to tell you..."
I gulped. This was a big moment. I had to be supportive, caring, the perfect friend! "Y-yes Applejack?"
She let out a breath, "Ah... Ah'm an apple farmer."
I blinked. "Um... I knew that."
She shrugged. "Heh... Now you know I'm trans too."
I stared at her... And we both broke down. Peals of laughter filled the library. I almost couldn't breathe.
Finally I wiped my forehead. Okay, that at least cut the tension. "Well, for the record I'm not a bigot, so it doesn't really change anything but... I have to admit I didn't expect that. Was... Was this your way of coming out?"
She blushed, "Hay no, I... I guess I should have realized there'd be something incriminating in that crate, I just plum forgot, Ah'm real sorry about that."
I waved my hooves. "No, no... You don't have anything to be sorry for! I was the one who opened a book of naked baby pictures."
She blushed crimson. "Oh... Could... Could I-?"
I plopped the album in front of her. "Yeah, you should keep that."
She latched onto it. "Thanks sugar cube..."
There was a long, awkward silence. I swear, I saw a dust bunny roll past us in the breeze... I really needed to close that window.
I cleared my throat, then walked over to the couch and sat down next to AJ. "Do... Do you want to talk about it?"
She fiddled with her hooves. "I mean, I don't..." She looked up. "You know I actually kind of do."
I smiled. I'd never met a trans pony before... I mean, that I knew of, mostly they were just mares and stallions, but I'd never talked about gender identity issues with a trans pony before. What was coming? Tearful discussions of familial rejection? Long stories about heart rending dysphoria? Painful tales of puppy love ending in tragedy as her partner realized they couldn't be attracted to her changing body?
"You know I think what bothers me most is the pockets." AJ said finally.
I blinked. "Wait, pockets?"
She rolled her eyes. "It feels like the whole darn garment industry wants nothing to do with putin' pockets in mare's clothing. They just expect us all to have purses or saddle bags all the dang time... And it ain't just dresses neither! I once bought a pair of overalls, overalls without any pockets. Who in Equestria's orchards want's overalls with no pockets? It's like some dumb feller was like 'well, on the off chance these mares get some pants with pockets, let's cover 'em over! That way, if they want to get something they'll look like they're playing with themselves..." She dug her hooves into the sofa.
I reached out a hoof. "AJ... Are, are you okay?" I winced right after saying that. Obviously she wasn't...
She was just kind of sitting there, staring at space. Finally she let out a breath and turned to me, slowly, like it was a strain. "S-sorry Twi. I- dang it. You know, this is specifically what I didn't want to do."
"What's that?" I had to admit I was a little out of my depth... But AJ was my friend. I had to try.
Applejack sighed. "I... I'm starting to think that maybe I'm using all my old problems as... I dunno, a distraction or something? Like, 'gee what does it matter that I never went to college when my parents are dead?', or 'so what if I'm not having fun, Applebloom's takin' all her vitamins right?'"
"Um..." Okay, now I was definitely out of my depth. I didn't know anything about how to deal with personal repression on this level, how on earth was I supposed to help my friend if I didn't kno-
It hit me. "We need a list!" I said.
Apparently that was weird enough to snap AJ out of her funk. She turned to me. "Beg pardon?"
I magically reached out to the library's "help" desk (it came with the castle) and pulled out a quill and a notepad. I hunkered down next to AJ and smiled. "Clearly you have a lot of stuff you want to work out, and if there's anything I'm good at it's helping out my friends... Now, let me get this straight, you feel like you've missed out on a lot of things in life because of your past, right?"
She looked down. "It feels more like I'm too much of a coward to try workin' towards the stuff I want and my past is a convenient excuse to not bother..."
I winced... "Okay... So obviously we'll have to do some self-esteem boosting stuff too, but that begs the question: What do you want to do?"
She scratched at the back of her head. "Uh... I mean, maybe I'm over reacting... I do have responsibilities and..."
I narrowed my eyes.
She sighed. "Okay, okay... I... I guess I'd like to read more? Maybe get some writing done? I used to keep a journal and write little stories and stuff."
I put it on the list, "Okay, that seems like something we can work on. What else?"
She bit her lip. "That's already asking a lo-"
"AJ." I snapped. "You cannot be afraid of wanting things! It doesn't make you bad, it just makes you a pony, now, what else?"
She backed away. "I... I mean, I don't really know okay?" She gripped onto a pillow defensively. "I haven't thought about wanting stuff in a long time!"
It suddenly occurred to me that I was overdoing it. I put down the quill. "AJ... I... I don't mean to push. I'm sorry, I just want to help."
She put a hoof on my shoulder. For a second she had that old, confident look in her eye. "It's alright, sugar cube. All this opening up and asking for stuff is just sorta... new I guess."
I nodded. She pulled me into a hug which I gladly returned. Her fur was soft and warm. When we let go I felt a lot better, and I think Applejack did too. I snuggled down into the couch feeling a lot less tense... if a bit exhausted.
After a moment AJ turned to me. "Twi?"
I perked up, peering out from behind my pillow. "Yes AJ?"
"There is one other thing I can think of..." She turned away, blushing. "Ah I ain't never been on a date before neither..."
I blushed back. "We'll add it to the list."