I woke up with the sun in my eyes, the celestial ball of fire frying my eyeballs like an egg. I groggily covered my eyes with my arm, pushing the covers off me. "Damn sun," I muttered. "Don't even know why I'm even bothering to set you up with Discord."
"Set who up with Discord?" Said a familiar voice. My head shot up to see Rarity at the door, levitating a tray of pancakes and syrup.
"Long story that I'll tell you if the planning works." I said. "What's with the pancakes?"
"Oh, they're for you as a way of apologising for dinner last night." She said nonchalantly.
I rolled my eyes. "Rarity, again, you don't need to apologise! I loved the salad, it's just that I don't eat flowers."
"Oh, nonsense. Besides, I've already made them."
"Oh alright then." She brought them over, and I gave them a little smell. They smelled quite good, almost like McDonalds pancakes. I then poured the syrup on the small stack, cut a section out of the top three and placed it in my mouth. They were fluffy and sweet, just the way all pancakes should be. But there was something off. Something... Oh no.
Hay.
There was hay in the pancakes.
I continued eating, trying not to show my species' natural disliking to eating hay. To be honest, the flavour of the pancakes and syrup made it easy to ignore.
"Well? Do you like them?"" Rarity asked, leaning forwards in suspense.
"Like them?" I asked. She looked a bit worried at this. "I love them!" She sighed in relief. "Thanks for making these, Rarity!"
"Not a problem at all, dear." She smiled happily before leaving the room. "We'll be downstairs if you need us !" She called halfway down the stairs.
I quickly polished off the pancakes and brought the tray downstairs before washing my plate and cutlery and placing everything where I thought they should be. I then went back to my room and got dressed properly.
As I moved to leave the store to prepare for today, I heard Rarity call from behind me. "Darling, where are you off to?"
I turned around. "Heading into town to try and get some favours from certain ponies." I explained.
"Okay, have fun, I guess?"
I walked outside and pulled out a list I had prepared earlier last night.
"Alright." I said to myself. "Let's see, first is Octavia and Vinyl."
4pm rolled around quickly. My plan was about to come together, and all it needed was Discord and the girls.
I was halfway through a cupcake that Pinkie had insisted was free, when I heard some familiar voices coming from the door.
"- dunno 'bout this, girls. You sure ya can trust 'im?" That was Apple Bloom.
"Yeah, Sweetie, how do you know he's not an evil monster from the Everfree?" Scootaloo.
"Just trust me, he's good." Then they walked through the door. "See, there he is!"
I waved at them. "Hey, girls."
"He kinda looks like a monkey." Scootaloo stated.
I laughed a little at that. "That would make sense considering I share 98% of my genetic material with them."
"Who-in-the-what now?" Apple Bloom asked in confusion. Right, they're only foals.
"Never mind. Anyway, now we're just waiting on Discord."
As if on cue, there was a bright flash to my right and the God of Chaos was suddenly floating next to me.
"Good evening, everypony, and welcome to open mic night at-" Discord began before I cut him off.
"Now's not the time. Save the singing for the plan." I said, pulling out a map of Ponyville. Discord seemed disheartened at this but I pressed on nonetheless. "Okay, everypony lean in close, here's the plan. Firstly, girls, Celestia will be arriving at this location marked 'x', which is Ponyville Plaza. I need you to lead her to town hall. She will be here under the impression there is a monster loose, a message that Spike will have sent her."
Dear Princess Celestia,
We really need you to come to Ponyville as quickly as possible! A monster from the Everfree has attacked and is kidnapping the residents! The Elements have been taken too and you're the only one who can help us! I last saw it in Ponyville Plaza. Please come soon.
Sincerely, Spike the Dragon.
"Guards!" Celestia shouted sternly. Her two personal guards stepped into Celestia's private chambers.
"Yes, your highness?" One of the guards, Swift Strike, asked.
"Tell my sister I am heading to Ponyville immediately. If I'm not back within the hour, tell her to gather the troops."
"Yes ma'am!" Swift struck a sharp salute and marched off with the other guard.
Celestia opened her balcony doors, spread her wings wide, and shot towards Ponyville faster than anypony would think the solar diarch capable of. Those looking would have thought they had just seen a lightning bolt made of fire.
She arrived at the plaza in under a minute only to find it deserted. She looked around until she heard three voices.
"Princess Celestia, Princess Celestia, Princess Celestia!" The CMC shouted, running towards her. "There's a monster attacking! You have to help us!" Sweetie explained.
"Of course, my little ponies. Lead the way." She said sternly.
The trio of fillies ran towards town hall, Celestia in tow.
"Next, we will have everypony situated at town hall. This is where Octavia, Vinyl, and the Ponyville Orchestra get involved."
The four of them arrived at town hall quickly. As they arrived, Celestia froze in her tracks. The entirety of Ponyville stood before her. The CMC ran into the crowd and disappeared.
Suddenly, music started to play.
"Discord, this is where your cue is. When the music starts to play, on the fourth bar you need to sing this song" I passed him the sheet of lyrics. "Octavia will teach you how to sing it and the timing."
Discord appeared before Celestia and started singing:
My name is Dissy nice to meet you can I tell you baby
Look around there's a whole lot of pretty ladies
But none like you, you shine so bright, yeah
I was wondering if you and me could spend a minute
On the floor up and close getting lost in it
I won't give up without a fight
Celestia covered her mouth with one hoof in shock, her eyes wide.
I just wanna, oh baby
I just want you to dance with me tonight
So come on, oh baby
I just want you to dance with me tonight
Everypony started dancing in time to the music, increasing Celestia's shock
We're getting sweaty, hot and heavy in the crowd now
I loosen up and let your hands go down, down
But go with it girl, yeah just close your eyes, yeah
I feel the music moving through your body
And looking at you I can tell you want me
Don't stop, keep going till the morning light, yeah
When I saw you there, sitting all alone in the dark acting like you didn't have a care
I knew right then, that you'd be mine, and we'd be dancing the whole damn night like
"Now, you offer your paw or claw to Celestia, offering her to dance with you. Hopefully she'll accept."
Discord reached his paw out to the stunned goddess, who blushed before accepting the offer and starting to dance as Discord sung the second chorus.
Oh baby,
I just want you to dance with me tonight
So come on, oh baby
I just want you to dance with me tonight
Break it down now,
(yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah)
Shake it like that,
(yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah)
Now bring it all back
To dance with me tonight
One more time, one more time, come on now
(yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah)
Do your thing,
(yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah)
Everybody sing
(I just want you to dance with me tonight)
I just wanna, oh baby
I just want you to dance with me tonight
Everybody everybody come on now
Girl, just close your eyes
We can dance all through the night,
I just want you to dance with me tonight
And everybody sing
Girl just close your eyes,
We can dance all through the night
I just want you to dance with me tonight
So come on girl just close your eyes
We can dance all through the night
I just want you to dance with me tonight
The song and dance finished, and everypony stomped their hooves to Discord and Celestia, who were left in each other's embrace. Now was the moment of truth.
Discord cleared his throat to grab the attention of a blushing and smiling Celestia. "Celestia," he began, a blush forming on his own features. "Willyougoonadatewithme?" He squeaked.
"Pardon?" Celestia asked, the blush dying down a little (but not much).
Behind her, I gave Discord a thumbs up for encouragement.
"Will you go on a date with me?" He asked slightly slower.
Everypony was silently leaning forward hopefully. Not even the evening insects and birds dared to disturb the silence. For three deafeningly silent seconds, everypony waited as the diarch goddess of the sun stood in shock.
"I-I... Yes! Yes, Discord, I will go on a date with you!" Her smile widened, her cheeks flushed even brighter, and she gave a small jump of excitement before kissing him on the cheek.
Everypony cheered and stomped their hooves, signifying their approval. The ground rumbled from the sheer force of it.
Discord excused himself from Celestia for a moment before flying over towards me.
"You did it! You actually did it!" He exclaimed before pulling me into what felt like a bone rushing hug. "I cannot thank you enough!"
"No, Discord, we did it. I just planned it." Discord released his grip on me, if only a little.
"I owe you one," he said. "Ooh! How about a chaos wish? One single reality-warping change without any consequences!"
"I'll think about it. Anyway, here comes your marefriend." I indicates to where Celestia now approached.
"I must say, Discord, this was quite a stunt you pulled." She said, the blush having left her features.
"It wasn't my doing, but rather my misplaced friend over here!" He pointed to me. "He set all this up."
Celestia turned her attention towards me. "Thank you, Ryan. I've been waiting for him to ask since he was reformed!"
"It was no problem, Princess! Just doing my best to help a friend!" I replied nonchalantly.
"I do believe I am in your debt," she stated. "I'm sure I could help you in much the same way you helped us. My sister seems to be rather interested in you." She said that last part with a wink.
"Very funny, princess, but I heavily doubt she'd be interested. She's a princess, I'm a misplaced alien, and besides, I'm just trying to get by. If I think of something, I'll ask." I shrugged it off as just Trollestia being Trollestia.
"Very well. Now, Discord and I best be off so we can plan out date. Farewell, Ryan, I hope to see you soon." With that, she spread her wings and flew towards Canterlot, Discord following close behind.
I turned to face the crowd of ponies who were now milling about.
"CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE!?" I shouted over the noise.
Everypony quickly finished their conversations and turned towards me.
"I would firstly like to thank you all for helping me out with this! I couldn't have done it without you! Secondly, as repayment, if any of you ever need anything at all, I would be more than happy to lend my assistance! That is all! You may return to your normal activities!"
As everypony turned to leave, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see my hostess.
"I didn't think that would actually work," she stated.
"Thanks for having faith in my skills," I replied sarcastically.
"No problem."
We stood in silence as almost everypony left.
"E-excuse me?" Somepony behind me said.
I turned around (again) and saw a grey pegasus with a rather unkempt blonde mane and a cutie mark of a few bubbles. Her most prominent feature, however, was her eyes. Her yellow eyes were completely off centre.
"Hello miss..." I said as I extended my hand.
"Ditzy," she said, extending a hoof for me to shake. "Ditzy Doo. But my friends call me Derpy."
"Well, Miss Doo, what can I do for you?"
"Well, I'm heading out for dinner tonight with my coltfriend and I forgot to hire a babysitter for my daughter, Dinky. Would you be able to look after her? I'll pay you." She pleaded.
"No need for payment. I'm more than happy to help."
"Oh, thank you!" She flew into the air.
"No problem. Where's the house?"
"Follow me." She flew off.
"I'll see you later, Rarity!" I waved before sprinting after everybrony's favourite pony.