“I told ya Rainbow Dash, ah am the better hiker, but ya just had to insist on a stupid competition,” laughed Applejack as she trotted briskly on the dirt trail to Sweet Apple Acres. Behind her, lagged Rainbow Dash, panting from the exertion of their recently concluded endeavour. Hindsight was a cruel mistress to the blue coated mare. Initially, Dash was quite confident in her abilities, quoting her ability to keep up with Applejack during the Running of the Leaves. Applejack tried to warn her that mountain hiking wasn’t easy, especially when one was not using one’s wings and that it was drastically different than just running. Rainbow had laughed it off, declared that she would beat Applejack easily and prove once again that she was the better athlete because she totally was.
Needless to say, Rainbow had vastly overestimated her abilities, not that she would ever indicate that to Applejack. She was, in the end, defeated quite soundly. “You’re nothing without your wings, Dash” chirped Applejack happily as she pulled away from the pegasus. Rainbow ground her teeth in anger as blood crept up her neck. She tried to match Applejack’s gait, but a sudden strain caused her to stop Leaving Rainbow’s laborious crawl struggled to keep up with the brisk pace of Applejack. It only added insult to injury as Applejack constantly looked back over her shoulder to continue to give her a cocky grin that screamed ‘I told you so.’ Rainbow Dash didn’t know whether to hate that smile or adore it. Applejack laughed. ‘No definitely hate.’ Rainbow allowed herself a strained smile. Jokes on her, been staring at her flank the whole time.’
“I…let you…win,” panted Rainbow Dash, she wobbled precariously. Applejack shot her sceptical look. Dash snorted. “What? I totally…did.” Rainbow groaned as she felt one her legs cramp. Dash had misjudged how strenuous mountain terrain was, especially considering she usually just flew over it. Nonetheless, Dash couldn’t let her weakness slip even if Applejack could clearly see through her. “I just knew I’d…win so much…if I…tried… It wouldn’t have even been an event.”
“Rainbow you’re full of it,” shot back Applejack.
“I am no-ow!” shouted Rainbow as she tried to raise herself up only to put more strain on her tired legs. Applejack just laughed. ‘If you weren’t hot. I’d so buck you in the face.’ A very inappropriate image popped into her head. She blushed and stumbled so violently she almost fell. She cursed silently “Not like that. Stupid brain.”
“Ah beat you fair and square,” gloated Applejack. “You’re just a sore loser.”
“No, I am not! Best two out of three!” declared Rainbow Dash rashly. “Then we’ll see who’s full of it!”
“What?” Applejack’s smirk never faltered. “Like right now?” Rainbow’s bluster faded as the reality of her condition dented her confidence.
“Em no, I think I-I sprained my hoof on the final turn.” Rainbow limped her front leg in feigned injury “Ow, it’s getting dark anyway.”
“Ah sprained hoof and you were holding back if I didn’t know any better Dash I’d swear you’d gone sweet on me or something.” Applejack chuckled, shaking her head at the ridiculousness of the thought.
“No.” Rainbow reddened furiously at that. “Y-you got lucky is all. When The Dash is on her day, she is the greatest athlete there ever is.” Applejack stopped before roaring with laughter, her hat bobbing up and a down as she did so, much to Rainbow eternal embarrassment.
“Oh Rainbow, come on, you can’t be serious. That’s most stupid thing ah’ve heard and considering it’s you am talking about, that’s quite the feat.”
“What ‘the Dash’ is totally my nickname,” replied Rainbow testily.
“It’s stupid,” said Applejack flatly.
“No it’s not, lots of ponies have nicknames,” mumbled Rainbow Dash
“Lots of morons.”
“What about Big Mac?” Applejack stopped before turning fully to face her friend displeasure evident as her mouth slipped into a thin frown. Rainbow gave her best smirk in reply. ‘Gotta ya.’
“Careful now, Rainbow.” Dash stuck out her tongue playfully, Applejack snorted. The two carried onwards for a short bit. They followed the dirt path and the weathered white fence back to Sweet Apple Acres as the sun set in the west, the evening fading into Luna’s night. They had been out for quite some time. A strange shadow passed momentarily over them. Applejack squinted up at it. “What in tarnation?”
Before them was a large rectangular cardboard poster with the smiling face of Mayor Mare beaming down on the two, tied to the outlining fencing of Sweet Apple Acres. The poster had blue highlights with a golden badge at the edge saying ‘Mayor Mare No.1’. Along the bottom of the poster lay the words ‘Working for you, always’.
“Ah told them workers to not be puttin’ no signs up near mah farm,” grumbled Applejack. “Private property ah keep telling ‘em.” Applejack sprung up onto her hind legs and grabbed the edge of the placard with her teeth. Rainbow watched Applejacks movements carefully. A bit too closely. And her focus was not entirely focused on Applejack’s attempted removal of the sign but rather on a… her lower department. “Ah, tell ya Dash,” Applejack murmured through the side of her mouth. “They spring up faster than baby rabbits at spring, during election time.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Doesn’t matter even. Mayor Mare always wins.” Applejack pulled back for a breath, the stubborn sign was tightly tied to the fencing. “Ah, don’t even know who the other candidate is!”
“Yeah,” said Dash slowly as Applejack gyrated back again. And again…and again.
“All the same, Grannie says, that one has a sun that one has a moon, that’s the difference.” Applejack pulled at it again straining her muscles so that they were evident beneath her coat.
“They’re always talking about how different they are but when it comes to Ponyville they don’t change that much.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Dash are you even-” At that moment the sign gave way and Applejack snapped her head back causing it to be flung from the fence, landing a metre or so from Rainbow who had not evidently gathered her wits about her. Applejack sighed with relief. “As ah was saying are you even-hey what you looking at?” Rainbow snapped back to reality at the sudden sharp turn in Applejack’s voice. She looked up to find Applejack scowling deeply. Rainbow sputtered. Blushing deeply as Applejack awaited an answer, Rainbow contemplated lying but ruled that out rather quickly considering it was the Element of Honesty standing before her. Rainbow ultimately decided to do what was right. What Applejack deserved. She steeled her resolve, took in a breath before announcing to Applejack.
“Thanksforthehikeitwasreallyfunweshoulddoitagain AJ bye.” And with that Dash was gone in a rainbow coloured blur of dust and wind. The gust from her sudden ascension causing the poster to move some distance. Applejack pulled down her hat to prevent dust from getting into her eyes. After some time, she readjusted her hat and shook her head.
“Sometimes I think I’ll never understand that girl.”
Far above the farm pony gracefully floated Rainbow amongst the clouds. She released a sigh as the weight was lifted from her strained legs. This was where she belonged honestly. Rainbow whistled. Also, her heart was still beating erratically fast from her near escape with the farm pony.
“Whoah Dash, that was close.” She allowed herself a cheeky grin. “Another crisis averted thanks to my smooth skills,” she reassured herself. She upped her pace a bit fast as her cloud home came into view. The two story tall building was perhaps the most fantastic of all her friend’s homes, something that stroked Dash’s already vast ego. The setting sun’s splendid light spilling over it only made it even more so gorgeous. A slight breeze came about her and she lavished in its cool embrace. She leaned sideways towards the wind so as to drift into a steady landing before her porch.
Stretching her sore legs once more, she confidently strode to her door. She threw them open upon her approach. The lavish main hall was decorated with trophies and posters and a ridiculously large statue of a wonderbolt, which had been a present from Celestia after the Nightmare Moon incident.
“Tank!” she shouted as she kicked the doors shut. “I’m home!” She glided over the statute towards her bedroom patting it as she passed. “Looking good.” She dropped down to the second floor where much to her surprise she found tank overturned on his shell. Rainbow moved quickly to correct him. “Woah buddy, now how did that happen?” She casually flipped him back over with the edge of her hoof. Tank looked up to her gratefully. She leaned down and nuzzled him. “You have to be careful you know,” she added tenderly. “You know you can’t get back up when you do that.” Rainbow then proceeded to stretch again, her joints made a satisfying ‘pop’ sound. “Now, I really need some shuteye,” she said as she moved past him. “Applejack really put me through the grinder.”
Suddenly, she felt Tank poke her back leg. She turned around. “What’s wrong?” The tortoise slowly pointed towards Rainbow’s door. “What? “ He pointed again. Rainbow looked confusedly at him before dismissively waving her hoof. “Tank I fed you before I left.” She strode to the door, but the tortoise tried to follow his jaw moving up and down as if he wanted to say something to her. “No Tank, stay.” She then shut the door in the tortoise’s face. Unfortunately the impact caused the tortoise to flip over again.
Her room was surprisingly dark for this time of the day not that she cared that much she practically threw herself onto her bed burrowing her head onto the soft sheets.
“Oh, I really need this.” Dash moved slightly onto her side coming up against something soft yet robust. “Hmm, bed’s sort of warmer than usual and coarser…” Rainbow Dash grunted as she struck out against something…then it moved. Her eyes instantly shot open. She sprung away from the now sprawling mass withering in her bed and backtracked towards her bedside lamp which she duly activated. Much to her surprise and horror, she found an upright draconequus rubbing his tired eyes wearing a flopped over a nightcap.
“AHHHHHHH DISCORD!!!!!”
“RAINBOW DASH!” shouted Discord in reply. He chuckled to himself. “Oh, how everypony loves to shout my name,” he tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Seems to be a trend lately.” His pondering was caught off guard as he promptly ducked from a projectile lobbed at him.
“You perv!”
“What?” he exclaimed shocked. The second object struck him directly on the nose. It rolled into his lap revealing it to be one of Rainbow’s many trophies “Aah, stop.” He slinked under another as it smacked against the back wall.
“You’re in my bed!” growled Rainbow as she prepared another one of her endless memorabilia to strike against him. “Now start explaining or I mean-”
“Indeed I am,” interrupted Discord. “It’s most comfy and I was quite drained, you could say from the days taxing activities. Honestly, I can see why you barely leave it.” His head detached as another trophy flew at his throat. He promptly reattached it scowling. "That was rude."
“You’re sick!”
“No, fortunately not this time,” he answered calmly before snapping his paw and causing Rainbow’s ammunition to disappear. “The blue flu has thankfully been avoided.”
“What are you doing here!” cried Rainbow Dash.
“Sleeping.”
“I know you're sleeping but why is it in my bed!”
“Sweet release, I just explained it to you”! Rainbow’s face flushed before she turned and lifted her wings for flight.
“I’m telling Fluttershy! You’re going to be toast when she’s through with you.” Rainbow surged forward only to fall flat on her face. She looked to her sides and gasped in horror at the sudden absence of her wings. She looked up to see Discord lording over her.
“I’m afraid Fluttershy and yourself are not going to be talking for quite some time,” said Discord sinisterly. Rainbow gasped at his words. Discord gave an incensed huff. “No, I did not kill her if your stupid look is anything to garner from. I do not kill, besides I don’t think the censors would let us get away with that.”
“What did you do to her?” demanded Dash, slamming her head aggressively up against Discord. Which was quite comical considering Dash was barely able to reach his stomach when he was standing.
“Me?” Using his claw, he gently pushed Dash away from him. “I’ve done nothing to the dear. Celestia would have my hide if I ever did such a thing.” Discord smiled maliciously. “Then again the whole idea does seem rather kinky, doesn’t it?” Rainbow let her tongue hang out to show her disgust. The spirit waved her away dismissively. “Anyway, she’s too busy thinking about that stallion from the market. What’s his name? Big something.”
“Macintosh?” offered Rainbow.
“That’s it,” said Discord snapping his fingers in realisation, which also returned Rainbow’s wings, much to her temporary delight. “So I’m afraid she’s not really all there.” Discord then proceeded to pull Rainbow close to him. “And even if you did get her to pay attention to her I’ll just spin a sob story about how Rainbow Dash is such a bully.” He summoned a tissue and began to blow into it dramatically. “How you’ve always doubted sweet innocent Discord.” He sobbed as he threw his head back. “How you never gave me a chance.”
“You’re a sociopath,” claimed Dash backing off from him.
“The correct term is psychotic, Miss Dash,” replied Discord recovering immediately. “If we’re going to be throwing around terms here let’s get them right. Besides, I came here for more than just the creature comforts of bed. I wanted to have a nice old talk.” He slithered closer towards her.
“Get out before I kick your scaly behind.”
“Wait now, come on, we're friends after all,” whined Discord slinking around Rainbow’s legs. Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “Well, perhaps were not as close as we should be. But that can change.” His voice was barely above a whisper. “Especially after I recruit the great Rainbow Dash’s help in my noble endeavour.”
“You break into my house,” she seethed as Discord slinked back opposite of her at the ferocity in her voice. “You sleep in my bed. You scare me. And now you want my help?”
“Yes,” he answered sheepishly.
“Get out.”
“Wait! I’ll go, but what about our friendship?” he offered feebly.
“What do you want?” she groaned, his last defence giving him a brief respite.
“I want you to help me win an election,” he said eagerly, smiling widely at Rainbow. His hands interlocked in a pleading gesture. There was an awkward moment of silence before Rainbow spoke.
“Get out.”
“Wait!” he cried, Rainbow promptly flew behind him and began to push him towards the doors with difficulty.
“Get out,” she mumbled between pushes.
“Fine,” he said despondently. “It’s just a shame I mean.” He let himself grin as Rainbow stopped pushing him. “Since I’m friends with Applejack, you know it would be prudent of me to tell her of all these farm mare monthly magazines I found.” In Discord’s claws was a box filled to the brim with magazines. “And all this farm equipment,” he said as he lifted a particular one from the box and unfolded it in the middle. His widened eyes darted between the offending piece and the now, shocked Rainbow, to the side of him. “Who would have thought you could do that riding on a tractor?” He sighed, returning the magazine to the box. He looked towards Rainbow, whose face was completely pale, a trickle of sweat pouring down her brow. “I mean they must belong to Applejack, maybe she loaned them to you, I suppose I’ll return them as the good friend I am.” He took purposeful strides to exit, box in hand.
“No!” squeaked Rainbow outstretching her hoof.
“Oh, do my ears deceive me or perhaps has my dear friend had a sudden change of heart?” Discord turned to face her once more. Rainbow trailed her hoof against the floor of her house. She shook her head.
“I can’t believe you're blackmailing me” she groaned.
“Oh, I am doing no such thing,” he said sweetly, lying through his teeth. From his toothy grin, he was enjoying his victory immensely much to Rainbow’s chagrin.
“Just shut up and tell me what I’m meant to do.”
“It all starts ten thousand years ago,” boomed Discord. The room went dark and a thousand twinkling stars lit up behind them. “Well, technically nine thousand nine hundred and eighty-five years ago but ten thousand sounds more ominous. The planets were beginning to alig-”
“Now,” said Rainbow through gritted teeth.
“It-ah, okay,” sputtered Discord his voice losing its dark tone. The room returned to its normal state while Discord looked on in annoyance. “You sure you don’t want the long story. I spent ages writing this.” He shot his arms up dramatically displaying some crumpled pages he held. “I mean I had special effects, space battles, product placement and history.”
“I’ll pass,” huffed Rainbow.
“Fine killjoy,” he huffed, crossing his arms. “I want you to help me win the mayoral election.”
“Yeah, I kind of guessed,” said Dash derisively. “Why exactly am I doing this? I mean what possible use could being mayor be to you?” Dash pointed accusingly at Discord with her hoof. For his part, the draconequus honestly appeared startled by the question. As if his entire motivation for burglary of Rainbow’s home was entirely made up as he went along. Which considering his schizophrenic behaviour was not beyond the realms of possibility.
“It has always been a dream of mine to run a small town!” declared Discord hugging Rainbow close to his chest, who made a squeaking sound at being ponyhandeled again. “With my vision it will be the chaos capital of the world. A place of no laws! No strings. No oppression whatsoever! Freedom for all!” His triumphant finale was followed by a sprinkling of fireworks erupting from his horns. Rainbow furrowed her eyebrows as she thought about what Discord said.
“So there are like, no laws,” she repeated.
“Yes,” sighed Discord in exasperation.
“But what about like murder?” Discord’s eyes widened, he tapped his chin three times with his free paw while loosening his grip on Rainbow.
“Well, I suppose there would have to be a law on that,” he replied slowly, the though apparently causing him some consternation.
“So there would be laws.” Discord clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth.
“There would have to be some exceptions.”
“And shouldn’t like Equestria law be above the mayoral law,” said Rainbow, now, not entirely speaking to Discord directly. “So we would have to apply those rules because the mayor, like answers to the Princess’.
“I-”
“So in truth, there would be a bunch of laws just less of them,” exposited Rainbow astutely. “So it’s not really true lawlessness.” Discord’s jaw hung slightly open, with no answer being forthcoming Rainbow continued. “I mean what is even freedom really like if you think about it? Is it freedom to do what you want as an individual or is freedom like an idea thingy?” She looked up you Discord in deference.
“Concept?” he offered uncertainly still surprised by Rainbow’s eulogy.
“Yeah, that. Concept, in that we apply as a means to our pursuit of happiness but within the constraints of society?” Discord’s eyebrow twitched irritatingly. “Should like personal freedom outweigh the greater good or do we go full blast, where everyone’s free to do what they want and damned be the consequences. Surely it is better to strive towards freedom as long as it doesn’t like, hurt the greater good, dude?” Rainbow then fell silent until she was dropped landing on her head with an ‘oomph’. Her eyes rolled around as she sat back up. Discord still donned his disbelieving look.
“Uhhh,” he said stupidly, staring off into space, completely caught off guard by Rainbow’s philosophical ramblings.
“Hey and weren’t you like the king of Equestria like a long time ago,” said Rainbow upon regaining her senses. Discord scowled deeply, his mismatched eyes turning into burning coals as he grew considerably before seizing Dash again by the scruff of her neck.
“The day Rainbow Dash upstarts me is the day-ugh!” Discord shook his head clearing them of the terrifying image he had donned. He smiled at Rainbow sweetly like a parent would to a filly. He proceeded to pat her patronisingly on her head.
“Let’s keep things simple, much like yourself.” Rainbow moved to protest, but Discord shoved his claw over her mouth. “You do what I say, you discredit the other candidates and I don’t tell Applejack about your little farming secret!” He finished his sentence with a hiss. “And when this is all over, I’m mayor. You continue to hide your true feelings behind a mask of friendly competition and faux antagonism. Win-win, easy. Okay?” Discord smiled dangerously at her. Once Rainbow nodded, he removed his claw. Rainbow spat.
“One question?”
“I thought I said for you-”
“Why me?” asked Rainbow. Discord laughed.
“Oh for heaven’s sake! You can’t be serious. You!” He shoved an overly large looking glass near here. His yellow bulging through washing all over her. “Popular hero, head of weather committee, cult status, Element of Harmony, a friend of one of the heads of states!” He withdrew back. “Honestly, there aren’t much bigger fish than you and that’s a big compliment coming from me.” Rainbow bristled with pride temporarily at his words.
“Well…yeah, I guess I am those things, yeah.”
“Exactly!” he boomed gripping his horns tightly and pressing them downwards. He then took in a short breath, coolly sliding a hand over head and straightening his extremities. “I just need a few words. A bit of doubt. A dash of fear. A spark of revolution and bam! This election is mine!” He curled his eagle claw into a fist smiling almost as if he was metaphorically crushing Mayor Mare. And with your help. He drew his arm from behind his back revealing a curled up magazine he waggled back and forth. “These magazines and your feelings stay exactly where they belong.” He lifted the magazine before smacking it lightly on her nose. “In your head.”
“Ow.”
“Do we have a deal?”
“I really don’t have much of a choice do I?”
“Not particularly but even the idea of choice is more comforting for you mortals.”
“I’ll do it,” she said.
“Fantastic!” roared Discord leaping with joy. “We have much work to do, friend.” He walked towards the doors to her room. “I suppose I’ll leave you to your sleep, night has already approached I’m afraid.” His apologetic tone was contradicted by the newfound bounce in his step. “Our work begins in earnest tomorrow. Now, don’t forget.” He wagged his index finger at her. “I have eyes everywhere Miss Dash,” he said, disturbingly rolling his eyes all the way back into his and back again. “We’ll be watching. Very closely.” He laughed as he faded out of existence before her very eyes, his smarmy grin the final piece of his visage to disappear. Rainbow sat dumbstruck in the middle of her room unsure of what to do. Then it came to her.
“I need to talk to Twilight.”