//------------------------------//
// It's The Squirrel Train, Baby 
// Story: Appledashery 
// by Just Essay 
//------------------------------//

	"You like it?"  Lancie said, his granite eyes glistening from the sharp angle of torchlight wafting into the room.  It took Rainbow a few seconds of squinting to realize that he was modeling a tiny fur coat. "According to this really sauve fellow named 'Boris,' it keeps them warm whenever the Frost Dragons visit from the south."

"Whose brother did the squirrels skin to give you that friggin' thing?" Rainbow wheezed.

"Nice to see you too, Sparky," Lancie muttered, doing a twirl as he allowed the coat to flare around his stone limbs.  "Actually... this is a mix of muskrat and marmot.  Heh... turns out you're super... super unlucky to be a small mammal born without sentience in these guys' neighborhood."

"I don't believe this..." Romulus snarled over his shoulder.  "You have an enchanted, animated piece of the chaos shards, and you're letting it prance around like a goddess-dayum runway model?!"

"You're a psychopathic killer bad guy," Rainbow droned back at the griffon.  "So I'm gonna forgive you this one time for not comprehending the fact that I've not had the luxury of letting Lancie do anything... ever."

"Lancie...?!"

"In any case, good evening, Sparky," Lancie said with a wave.  "How was naptime with Danger Death Duck 5000?"

"The first moment I'm out of these bindings, I'm gonna shove you under a sledgehammer and turn you into gravel!" Romulus spat.

"Huh... I didn't know you were a mad scientist!"  Lancie smiled at him—a grin that eventually melted into a sarcastic slur with each successive word spat:  "Then would you kindly mind inventing a time machine so I could go back to five seconds ago and find out when I gave a flying fart about what you had to say?"

"Lancie, how come they didn't shoot you with a big sparkling boomstick?"

"Oh, they tried!"  He smirked.  "Several times, in fact!"  He folded his forelimbs.  "But then I started levitating around in midair, which—of course—convinced all of the squirrel barbarians that I was their god-slash-messiah come to ward off the rodent apocalyptic calendar."

"Really?"

"Pffft.  No.  I made them laugh, ya manure stick."  He suddenly glared.  "And I sure as heck didn't tear their humble abode to twigs with an impulsive drag-out fight scene.  But... y'know..."  He gave a thumb's up, smirking.  "Banana sticker for the chaos factor."

"I can't believe this..." Rainbow grumbled, hanging her head.  "I've flown all this distance to find a cure for Apple Bloom, and all I've got to show for it is becoming Pony of War for acorn-huffers."

"There were many times when I could have given you a quick and merciful death, pony," Romulus grumbled.

"Yeah, and there are many times I could have done this!"  Rainbow held her breath and flung her skull back.

WHACK!

"Owww!" Romulus gnashed his beak.  "Damnable glue stick!  Hrnnng!"  He flung his skull back.

WHAM!

"Ow ow ow ow... dang it..."  Rainbow winced, eyes twitching from pain.  "I really hate you, birdo, but I think I hate hating you more."

"Nnnngh... agreed..."

"Well... good to see that you both are level-headed," Lancie said, placing his tiny knuckles against his tiny hips.  "Albeit with lots of cracks."  He motioned out the door, and several squirrels scampered in, grabbing the two prisoners with their paws and slowly dragging them out.  "Cuz it's show time."

"Show time?"  Rainbow gulped.  "What the heck does that mean?"

"I dunno, but I think it involves whatever it is they used to make me this coat."

"You can't be serious..." Rainbow exhaled.

"Sparky, to be perfectly honest, I'm not sure what I am anymore."

"That's... not very reassuring."

"I know!  Isn't it exciting?"  The statue trotted out of the room while the squirrels tugged Rainbow and Romulus after him.  "Come!  The Council of Squirrels await!"

"Bet... nnngh... you've been waiting all your life to say that."

"Over seventy millennia and countinggggg!"