Act III: Collision of Wills
Chapter 14: Regrets
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It’s hard to say when all of it started. So much had happened in the short time you all were gone that I’d lost track of the days that had gone by. But if I had to make a guess, I’d say the best place to start would be just after you all left in the train…
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They had all said their goodbyes and promised they’d return just as soon as they could. One last time Rainbow tried to convince Fluttershy to change her mind and stay with them as they went to the Crystal Empire. But her mind was already made up; she’d already convinced herself that she would be of no use to them. She believed she was only a liability. All she could do now was wave goodbye as the train set off, praying that they would be safe.
She stayed at the station, watching the train move away until it was finally gone from sigh. She looked down to the ground, letting out a small sigh.
“This is the right choice…” she said to herself, “They’re better off without me.” Again, she sighed. With nothing else left to do, Fluttershy turned around and walked out of the station.
There was no point in dwelling on it any longer. She’d made her choice and there was no turning back now. All she could do now was move on, try to return to a normal life, and pass the time until her friends returned. She took a moment to enjoy her surroundings, the peacefulness of Ponyville, the happiness in the faces of everyone she passed.
Why can’t it always be like this? she wondered. Why couldn’t the town always be this peaceful? Why couldn’t everyone always be this happy? This was something she’d asked herself on more than one occasion. However, no matter how many times she asked, no matter how hard she’d searched, there was never an answer to be found.
All she could do was push forward and hope that a time like that would come one day. So, she began to head home, doing just that. She walked, thinking about what she had to do today. What could she do to pass the time until the moment when her friends would return to Ponyville?
But as she made her way, as she planned out the remainder of her day, there was just one thing that she didn’t expect. One thing that she should have realized tended to show up unscheduled. When she was close enough to her home, Fluttershy noticed that something—or rather, someone was standing outside her door, waiting.
“Discord?” she asked in confusion. Discord was leaning on the wall, twirling a cane in his hand.
“Hello, Fluttershy,” he greeted.
Normally, Fluttershy would have been glad to see him, as she would be if it were any other friend of hers. But the longer she stared at him, the more she noticed that something was different. This was Discord, someone who was generally very laid back. For the first time since Fluttershy had gotten to know him, Discord seemed genuinely worried.
“Is everything alright?”
Finally Discord stopped twirling his cane and stood up straight, “We need to talk…”
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Once inside of her cottage, Fluttershy began to brew some tea for the two of them. Discord sat patiently as she did so. And yet, as Discord gave her time to prepare, this only served to make her worry more. He hadn’t told her what he wanted to talk about, and in truth, she didn’t give him time. Somewhere in the back of her head, Fluttershy feared it was he had to say. However, she knew she could only stall for so long, as eventually the tea had finishing brewing, and it was time to serve.
After pouring a cup for both of them, Fluttershy took her seat beside Discord and waited in silence. Discord was the first to partake in the tea, letting out a small sigh after taking a sip. She could see the troubled look in his eyes.
“So… you decided not to go with them,” Discord finally said, finally breaking the silence that hung over the room.
Fluttershy turned her head away, hiding behind her hair as she always did. But she wasn’t able to hide for long. Before she knew it, her hair that had draped in front of her began to shift, moving until her face was once again visible. A hair clip of a pink butterfly materialized, snapping into place to prevent it from falling again.
“I’ve enjoyed coming to learn about you, Fluttershy,” said Discord, “In the time since I was freed, I’ve learned a few things about you. Most notable being how you try to hide from something you truly believe you cannot handle,” He leaned in, putting a hand to her shoulder, “But you can’t hide from this. I will say this now, no one is angry at you for the decision you made. And no one blames you for being afraid. I just want to talk to you, to try to figure out why—“
“I’m weak…” At Fluttershy’s words, Discord paused, his brows furrowing slightly. Now it was his turn to remain silent and listen to what Fluttershy had to say, “It’s been like that for as long as I can remember. No matter what I try to do, no matter how hard I try to keep up, I’m always falling behind. And this is no different; if anything, it’s worse. At first I could deal with it because I wasn’t alone; both Pinkie and Rarity shared the same feelings as me. But that changed, and suddenly, I was the only one left on the sidelines.”
“I thought I’d have gotten used to it by now, but I can’t just stand on the sidelines being protected while everyone else is doing everything they can to fight. It’s not fair for them to have to hold back just because they want me to be safe,” At this moment, Fluttershy looked down, staring into her reflection in her tea, “So I made the best choice and stopped being their burden.”
Discord stared at Fluttershy for a moment, leaning back in his seat as he hummed to himself.
“I don’t buy it.”
Fluttershy blinked and looked up.
“But it’s the truth!” Fluttershy said, “I’m always the first to get scared, always the first to try and run. How can someone like me be any help to them?”
Her face pleaded for an answer. Discord shook his head for a moment before taking another sip of his tea. This was the very same pony who had decided he was worth saving. He knew full well why she’d dropped out—if the reports of the breakouts’ crimes were enough to make him flinch, certainly it’d be much harder on the others, especially Fluttershy. And yet, he still found something wasn’t adding up.
“I’ve learned a lot about you, Fluttershy, and a lot more of the adventures you’ve had with your friends. The things you’ve overcome as a team, but more specifically, the things you have overcome yourself,” Discord placed his cup down, staring into Fluttershy’s eyes, “Let’s begin with the time you stared down a fully matured dragon, and if memory serves, none of your other friends were capable of it.”
Fluttershy opened her mouth to respond, but Discord was far from done.
“And that’s just one example. How about the time when you beat a cockatrice in a staring contest?” he asked, “Even the bravest of ponies wouldn’t dare go near one, let alone scold one while being turned to stone. Tell me, does that sound like something a ‘weak’ pony could do?”
Fluttershy went silent for a moment longer before letting out a small sigh, “It’s not that simple,” she said, “You know about the Stare, and you know what it can do. It’s the only defense I have, and if that doesn’t work, then I have nothing,” Fluttershy got up from her seat, carrying her cup to the sink and dumped its contents, “That’s why I’m weak, and that’s why it’s better for everyone if I just backed down now…”
That’s what she told him, and Discord could tell she was continuing to tell herself that. But no matter how she tried to convince herself of it, she wasn’t about to convince him.
“You’re right, it isn’t simple,” Discord stood up—Fluttershy finally noticed that Discord seemed to be using his legs a bit more than normal, “But that’s only because I think there’s more to it. More than anyone else knows, and more than you’ve been willing to tell us.”
Fluttershy seemed to flinch slightly. Her back was to Discord, expertly concealing the fear that was slowly crawling into her expression.
“I…” Her shoulders slumped, “Everyone has something they aren’t proud of, Discord.”
“Believe me, I know all about that and more,” said Discord, “But I don’t think the same applies for you,” He turned Fluttershy around, allowing her to look back at him, “And if you’ll allow me, I’d like to show you.”
She stared at him for a moment, confused, “How?”
Discord raised a finger and slowly moved it until it lightly touched her forehead.
“If you trust me, then all you have to do is close your eyes and relax. Then you’ll know when to open them again.”
Fluttershy did trust him, even more so when it was clear he was actually trying to help. So after taking in a deep breath, Fluttershy closed her eyes and waited.
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Fluttershy wasn’t sure how long she’d kept her eyes closed. Somewhere around a minute would have been her best guess. She wasn’t sure when she’d be allowed to open them again, but still she waited, believing she’d know it when it came. But as she waited, something hit her—a pleasant scent that wasn’t there before, accompanied by a breeze of air that could only mean one thing.
Are…are we outside? If ever there was a “right” moment to open her eyes, Fluttershy felt it would be now. So she did just that. When she did, she was in total surprise by what she had seen before her. She was no longer standing inside, in the safety of her kitchen. For some unknown reason, she was now standing in the center of a large meadow. A rainbow of colors layered the fields—an assortment of hundreds, maybe thousands of flowers.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Fluttershy turned her head to see Discord materialize from out of thin air. She looked at him for a moment before looking back at the field they stood in, completely baffled by it all.
“Where are we?” she asked.
“I suppose no one would be capable of identifying it at first glance. Let’s see, how shall I explain this?” he wondered as he rubbed his chin, “Everyone in this world, be they Pony, Griffin, or whatever, has a nature, something that defines who they are. Of course, some try to fight their nature, attempting to become something else.
“Sometimes they are able to accomplish this. Though, for some, it requires something a little…eye opening,” Discord gave an awkward pause, clearing his throat before continuing, “But until that moment, one’s inner nature stays the same. Deep inside of you, in a part that only you and those that you trust can reach.”
Fluttershy was a little confused for a moment, trying to take in everything Discord had said. But slowly, it began to sink in, and she put one hand to her chest.
“Exactly,” he said, “All that you are, your true self, it all resides in here,” With a wave of his arm, Discord motioned to all that was around them, “Care to see more?”
Fluttershy turned back to Discord and nodded. The two simply walked in silence, taking in the sights around them. Discord wasn’t surprised by what he saw. There was no doubt that Fluttershy’s inner nature matched the one she usually showed. But that wasn’t what they were here to confirm.
“Not that I don’t enjoy this, but why did you bring me here?” Fluttershy asked. Discord didn’t answer at first, his eyes scanning the area as though he was looking for something.
“As we see now, this is your nature: calm, pleasant, approachable to just about everyone you meet. And yet, your Stare seems to be the exact opposite of everything we see now. Something like that doesn’t simply come out of nowhere. That means somewhere deep in this field, we’ll find the source of it all.”
He didn’t hear a response from Fluttershy, and after a few seconds her gentle steps faded from his hearing as well. Discord stopped, turning to see her standing still, her eyes glued to the ground. He stared at her, puzzled at first, wondering what she might be thinking of, but soon enough, he realized the reason for her hesitation.
“You know where, don’t you?” he asked.
“No, not exactly,” Fluttershy said, shaking her head, “But…I can feel it.” She turned her body until she was facing almost the opposite direction. But she didn’t take a single step further. Discord could see the worry in her face. He could sense her unease, but he didn’t bring her just to give up.
“You have no reason to be afraid. Nothing can hurt you here.”
Discord’s reassurance gave Fluttershy comfort enough to take the first step in the right direction…
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Fluttershy lead Discord deeper into her mindscape, her only guide being the sensation of something calling to her. She wasn’t sure what they were looking for, or what they would find, but she continued onward. As time went by, she began to think that the field was nothing but endless flowers. But soon something began to change, the endless meadow subsided as trees came into view. And between these trees was a dirt road which continued on. Oddly enough, however, this road seemed familiar to her.
“I think we’re getting closer,” she said, the feeling she had growing stronger than it had been before. They were almost there, but still she wasn’t sure just what there was. But she continued on anyway, feeling that she would know as soon as she saw it. A few minutes passed, and Fluttershy began to notice something.
Before, their path seemed random and unfamiliar. But that started to change. Suddenly, Fluttershy found that she recognized her surroundings.
It couldn’t be…could it?
Fluttershy’s walk changed into a full sprint, curiosity taking over. As she made her way through the forest, she saw that the trees gave way to an opening up ahead. At that moment, she saw it. At first, she just stood there, baffled with what she saw, giving Discord ample time to catch up.
“Fluttershy, is everything alright?” he asked.
“That’s…my cottage,” There was no mistaking it, Fluttershy was staring at the spitting image of her home, “Why would this be here?”
“It’s hard to say,” said Discord, “Anything seen in here is merely a manifestation of who you are, something that can be deciphered. But if I had to guess, I would say that this is where you originated—that is, the place where your nature was born and raised.”
Discord took a few steps forward towards the home before looking back at Fluttershy, “Shall we?” He asked, beckoning her to follow.
The two then walked into the home, up close, they could see it was an exact clone of the original to every last detail. There was just one thing that was different: the inner cottage had no door. Not that it was missing or had been removed. In fact, it seemed like there was no door to begin with.
Curious… Discord thought to himself. This was just the first mindscape he’d actually explored and even he was mildly surprised to see this development. Still, he wondered what it could mean.
“Is this where the feeling came from, Fluttershy?” he asked. Fluttershy continued to inspect the home, still trying to figure this out for herself.
“No…” she said, “But it feels like…maybe,” She began to move around the perimeter of her house. Discord followed her lead once more, eventually coming up on the other side.
“I think it should be… around here.” Fluttershy paused as she looked up, only to be once again caught off-guard by what she was seeing. It was her cottage again, one standing behind the first. But at a second glance, she realized the second cottage was far different from hers—not just in how the house itself looked but the surrounding “yard”, as it were.
While Fluttershy’s cottage was just as bright and warm as it was in the real world, right down to the atmosphere surrounding it, this new cottage had none of that at all. The second cottage was worn out, almost broken down, planks nailed over every dusty, broken window. The grass around it was yellow if not missing, while the surrounding trees were dead, some even tipped over. Most notably, the sun didn’t even seem to fully reach the second cottage; a dark cloud hovered in place above it.
Fluttershy couldn’t help but feel fear at looking at it, and yet there was something about it, something she recognized.
“I think we found it…” she said, her body visibly trembling. Still, she moved forward towards the other home. Discord followed close behind, unsure of what to expect from this new home. Everything seemed alright. Then Fluttershy took a step on the creaky bridge leading to the second cottage. They heard something, a guttural roar…or howl? Whatever it was caused Fluttershy to step back.
“W-what was that?” she asked. Up until that moment they hadn’t seen or heard any other signs of life. So what was making that noise? There were many theories, but Discord could think of only one that explained it.
We aren’t alone here…
This time, Discord walked across the bridge. The sounds died out again until Fluttershy began to follow his lead. The growls were angry. Finally, they reached the home, only then did they notice another key difference between it and the other cottage. Unlike the “light” cottage they’d seen, the “dark” cottage did have a door, which wasn’t just locked, but was chained shut from the outside. Oddly enough, the floor just under the door showed drag marks, a sign that the door had indeed opened before, if only slightly.
Slowly, Discord reached for the door, wondering what was behind it.
“Don’t!” shouted Fluttershy, and in that moment the door began to rattle violently. Something on the other side was trying to break out. It continued for several seconds before coming to an end, the eerie silence returning.
“It…It’s her…” said Fluttershy, finally knowing what it was she was sensing. And now she knew the third guest in her “nature”.
“Who?” asked Discord, turning back.
“Me…the other me.”