Friendship Harder: Collected Microfiction

by KwirkyJ

Warrior Princess [Slice-of-Life, Adorable]

“—An’ the clouds can only move dy-gonly,” Twilight concluded.

Shining Armor chuckled, rubbing behind his head, staring at the chess board. “Diagonally, you mean?”

“Maybe? I’unno,” Twilight said, shrugging. Her horn sparked, and, when that failed, she frowned, reached out with a hoof for a small slip of paper, and passed it to him. “Here.”

Shining took it and looked at the rules for Chess, Canterlot. “Yeah,” he said with a chuckle, “diagonally. Any other words I should know about you only encountered reading?”


“So the clouds can move diagonally… they take forward?”

“Yup! An’ my princess is Warrior Princess Celestia!”

“‘Warrior Princess,’ you say?”

Twilight nodded emphatically, before striking as regal a bearing as a foal could. Warping her voice, she declared, “I, Princess Celestia, the Eternal Dawn, Sol Invictus, declare this battle to begin!”

Shining chuckled again, smiling at his sister. “Hold on, there. If you get ‘Warrior Princess Celestia,’ who do I have?”


“It’s hardly fair if you get a special princess on your side.”

“Oh, right. Um…” Twilight stuck out her tongue in thought, then beamed. “I know! You get Cadance!”


“An’ you get to stand right next to her, Prince Shining Armor! Just like when you two are on the couch together when I’m supposed to be asleep! ...But standing up, on a battlefield.”

“Uhhh…” Shining’s face suddenly felt very hot.

“Oh, I know,” Twilight continued. “You’ve been taken prisoner by the Swarm of Evil, and I’m going to rescue you!”

“Okay, if you say so… Hey, so you’re the Prince there next to Celestia?”

“Second Princess,” Twilight quickly declared.

“And if Cady… uh, Princess Cadance and I are supposed to be prisoners, how come I can move the pieces?”

Twilight thought on that for a second until, without warning, she pushed her Princess piece towards the far corner the board, smiting all the other pieces in the way.


“The Warrior Princess Celestia will stop at nothing to save her niece!” Twilight’s hoof then pushed the Prince—’Second Princess’— piece to the other corner, pushing most of the lingering Clouds, Castles, and Griffons away. “An’ not even the Swarm of Evil will keep Second Princess Twilight from my Big Brother!”

“Gee, Twiley,” Shining said, stifling a fit of laughter, “that was hardly fair.”

In her ‘Warrior Princess’ voice again, Twilight said, “I declare this battle won, and the realm is saved. My dear niece Princess Cadance and the brother of my Second Princess, Prince Shining Armor, do you take each other to be husband and wife?”

“W-WHAT? Twiley—”

“Shush, you’re getting married,” she said, interrupting. “By the power of the Sun, I pronounce you stallion and mare! Now kiss!” Waiting for nothing, Twilight picked up the Prince and Princess pieces across the board and pushed them against one another.

“Uhhh…” Shining’s mouth worked a few times before he found the words. “Um, the Swarm of Evil must have been under control by some queen, right? Shouldn’t we do something about her? Soon?”

“Oh! You’re quite right, Prince Shining Armor, we had better. Ponies of Equestria,” she cried to the board, already putting the pieces back into place, “The battle is over, but the war as just begun. We must make Equestria safe for the newlyweds!”

Shining Armor managed an earnest smile and helped put the last few pieces back onto the board. “Are Cady and I still prisoners this time?”


“What about Prin—er, ‘Warrior Princess Celestia?’”

“Um… no, she’s fighting another battle.”

“At the same time?”

“I’unno.” Twilight shrugged, then put on a filly’s sinister voice. “Prepare to defend yourself, Prince Shining Armor, for you now face… um…. You face the Bug Queen of Lies!”

And the battle was joined in earnest.