The days before Dash’s hearing went about as well as you’d expect.
It all started with me finding Rainbow in her room. She was reading Daring Do by herself, despite Luna’s desire to also hear the story. While the princess was a little miffed, even the wrathful goddess of the night couldn’t stay angry at a rainbow pony for long. However, Dash didn’t get much in the way of enjoyment when we dragged her along when we read to the kids during their lunchtime and had to go over the same stuff again while a silencing spell kept the pegasus from spilling any spoilers.
After an hour of book reading, I took Rainbow back to her room. Then Luna had Minuette and Twinkleshine fetch the pony in charge of the hospital. While the mare who was some medical bigwig that oversaw all of the government medical care in Canterlot, some chick named Medical Mercy, wasn’t around we did get the guy directly in charge of that particular hospital to come to Dashie’s room for a talk.
What with being a princess and all, Luna wasn’t about to let a meeting with some underling cut into my personal time with Rainbow.
When he finally did show up, a length of time that gave Minuette plenty of time to keep me and Rainbow giggling with her stories about what Twilight and her friends did as fillies, I had quite the list of complaints from several concerned mothers that were wondering why their foals got the hand-me-down equipment, the most inexperienced doctors, and suffered from a complete lack of medical staff that were particularly knowledgeable about wing-care to go over with him.
For once, not even Luna cared about the fact that Nightmare Moon usually had ponies trembling on the ground and begging for forgiveness for even the most minor of slights. Still, the fact that all he could do was promise to bring it up with his superior made me feel as if he was in reality just blowing us off.
Then, once we were done shouting at that idiot, we had to go see the pegasus medical expert at the castle for some fact checking and get a few firsthand accounts of incidents involving the kids that were brought to her for treatment because there was nobody else in the whole damn city to help badly injured little pegasi that couldn’t wait for a trip to Cloudsdale for treatment. About the only good thing I found out during that entire mess was that there wasn’t a huge line of little winged ponies standing outside the guard barracks, waiting for the medic. Unfortunately this was mostly due to the fact that there really weren’t that many pegasus ponies who wanted to live in Canterlot. Even the royal guard usually had their families back in Cloudsdale, and treated a tour the mountain city as an extended deployment.
Of course Celestia was perfectly fine with letting her military treat civilians thanks to the need. Oblivious as she was to some of these problems, I could see she wasn’t outright apathetic. The goddess even offered to arrange for me and Luna sit in on a session of the local ruling council once we got enough background information to see how everything worked.
Preparing for this took up the rest of my free time for the first day, as well as most of the second. I had time to look in on Rainbow for a few seconds to make sure she was healing and keeping to the doctor’s instructions though. Then it was back to the government study session that I had to get through as fast as possible, followed by a night of training under Luna in how to fly better, use magic, dodge, punch and yell orders at soldiers since she was needed to help guide my magic for the really complex stuff.
And then, day number four arrived, which somehow managed to be the same day that Dash’s friends were scheduled to visit, I was to meet with both the Canterlot and Equestrian Council, and attend Rainbow’s hearing…or whatever the hell it was, to get the poor girl her job back.
The whole thing made me wonder if there was some weird force in Equestria that attempted to pile as much shit as it could into one day if ponies weren’t too careful. It also made me think I just needed to hire a pony to be my scheduling assistant.
The opening of Luna’s bedroom door while I was asleep drew me out of my extended nap and into the real world. My ears detected the approach of the midday sacrifices to Nightmare Moon upon the altar of cuddling which I laid. The muted thumps of hooves on carpets had me wondering which of the girls I would get this morning.
To be honest, I really hoped it was Minuette again. She was the more active cuddle. I was really starting to think Twinkleshine was getting used to the treatment and had started passive resistance with how she just went limp to take the snuggling. If I wanted to get some enjoyment from that pony, I needed to start upping my morning mischief.
The only thing that really made me pause was that I had no idea what would be too far for a pony to endure. I wanted to give some annoying affection, not whatever the hell passed for sexual harassment for creatures that went around naked all the time. And it wasn’t like it was a topic I could just ask someone about.
As they drew closer, I found myself wondering if a smooch on the cheek would be considered crossing the line.
A nice big wet one that left lots of slobber, just to make sure nopony got any wrong ideas. I might have loved ponies, but that was a far cry from being in love with one of the little horses.
Although...if I ever did get a body of my own...I suppose ending up with a nice stallion or mare wouldn’t...well...
My thoughts were cut short as my nose twitched from an unfamiliar smell. It was kinda funky, the bad kind of funky. If the girls had gone and switched coffee blends on me from the royal blend to whatever my nose was detecting now, perhaps it was time to give ponies a reason to tremble in the presence of Nightmare Moon once again.
“Hey Nightmare, Luna, get up already!” a completely unexpected voice demanded from a distance that was way too close to belong to my minions, according to the sound of their hooves on the carpet.
Plus, there was also something else weird. The voice had a tomboyish quality to it. Not to mention the fact that it was coming from above me, an impossibility due to the fact that Luna’s mattress was so high most ponies could barely look over it.
And then the blankets departed from over my head thanks to a familiar hoof, which gave me a perfect view of the sky blue pegasus hovering over me. “I said, wake-GAAAH!”
My little Dashie’s scream was short-lived as I snatched her from the air and brought her in close for a hug that pinned her to my chest. She struggled against me but… When it came to physical power, my training with Luna had shown me that the body of Nightmare Moon was ridiculously strong. I could not only turn rocks to powder with my bare hooves faster than an emotionless Pie, but it had taken three ponies the size of Big Mac to put up any meaningful resistance to a tug of war game Luna had us play to gauge her new body’s abilities. And the chains we were using broke during a later test when I had five big stallions being dragged across the courtyard behind me.
So...yeah, Rainbow’s struggles barely even registered against my super earth pony strength as she tried to push herself free while I held her against my chest. “H-Hey! Let me go!” Dash demanded before she started to flap her wings and increase the resistance.
I tensed at the action, and then put some magic into my horn to fire a very low powered stunning spell at the appendages. There was no way in hell I was letting Dash use her freshly healed wings so soon after she got out of the hospital. As soon as the flash faded, Rainbow’s wings went limp, and her whole body froze. And since that last part wasn’t on the spell’s effect’s list, I started to get worried. “Dash?”
“M-My wings. I can’t move my-what did you do?” she demanded in a hurt panic as she looked up at me.
Like a deer in the headlights, I froze.
Luna didn’t. “Fear not Rainbow Dash. The spell Nightmare used simply forced thy wings to relax to their utmost. Motion will return to them in an hour or so.”
With that to help lead me, I managed to find my voice. “I sorry Dash. I didn’t mean to scare you, I just-you just got out of the hospital and you really shouldn’t be flying around!” I remembered the last time something like that was…uh…supposed to happen in the Darring Do book episode?
Stupid foreknowledge, it played havoc with my tenses.
“I’ve been flying around all morning!” she shot back with a little grumble. Which also explained the smell. And now that I knew to pay attention, Rainbow did feel a little…sweaty.
But, since Dash now knew she wasn’t permanently crippled, and the little pony had actually stopped moving I scooted her up until she was right under my chin, and put my wings around her. “Oh, that’s nice. Time for snuggles.”
Rainbow went back to struggling as I cuddled her, and I couldn’t help but comment on it. “Aww Dashie, there’s no need for all that nuzzling. I know you love me,” I told her before taking her back just enough to look her face to face. “And I love you too.”
That actually made her stop for a moment. But after she worked a few shocked sounds out of her mouth, the pegasus glared at me so hard I think I actually felt something. “I-I wasn’t nuzzling you! I was trying to escape that death grip you had me in!”
I giggled and brought her back into a hug that pressed the little pony’s head against the where neck met shoulder. “Okay Dashie,” I replied with a smirk. “Whatever you say.”
“Well I say, let me go!”
“And I hear, ‘Oh Nightmare your coat is so awesome I just want to cuddle with you forever!’”
Twinkleshine cleared her throat. “If I might interject. It’s easier if you just let it happen Ms Dash. When it comes to Nightmare Moon’s affections, resistance is futile.”
“Not to mention logic, groaning, asking nicely, and anything short of a personal crises,” Minuette added in out of place joyful way. “But it’s really not that bad. So just bear with us and it’ll all be over all the faster, and you’ll know never to try and wake the princess up again.”
Rainbow struggled in my grip a big more, and I gave her just enough leeway to turn around and glare at Minuette. “You know, since I’m pretty sure pranking a princess is against the rules,” she said with a frown. “You’re the two I’m gonna get for this.”
While Twinkleshine rolled her eyes, Minuette giggled in response.
A second into Rainbow’s unofficial declaration of war on the two unicorns, my mouth moved without me wanting it to. “Now that Nightmare’s morning sacrifice has been attended to, mayhap we might continue with actual business?”
“Luna!” Rainbow Dash cried out in what I could only call hopeful surprise. “Luna, Nightmare does whatever you tell her, right? Tell her to let me go.”
I tensed just a little and held onto my Dashie a bit tighter as well after hearing the request. Mostly because if it came down to it, I really would do whatever Luna told me to. Being her body slave was the deal I had made with my conscience in order to avoid driving myself crazy with guilt over stealing away her freedom. Sure I was in the driver’s seat, but the car I was in happened to be a limousine with someone in the back giving orders.
So if Luna told me to let Rainbow go...I would.
“Apologies Rainbow Dash,” Luna told the mare evenly. “Whilst I would gladly give thee any boon requested, I allow Nightmare mostly free reign during the daylight hours to indulge herself in merriment. And as her current action causes no harm beyond a minor embarrassment that she has visited on both of my hoofmaidens before, I see no reason to intervene.”
Then, our mouth curled into a smile. “Besides, thou are quite snuggly. Nightmare, nuzzle her cheek for our enjoyment.”
After I obeyed my Mistress of the Night’s commands and Rainbow got finished fussing, the day finally began with the reading of the morning reports, which now included information on any and all special projects that Princess Luna had set about to seeing to. In other words, finding a doctor with a specialized wing-care practice that would be able to move to Canterlot for the foreseeable future.
Of course there were other things as well. The weapons the bat ponies lunar pegasai were using were horribly out of date, so we also needed to find a blacksmith. With the royal guard being so full of Celestia’s gold and white colors we also needed to rewire half of the enchantments to give unicorns a darker coat. Not the pegasi though, they were all Celestia’s. Luna had her special flying division. There was also stuff that needed to be worked out, like why the hell we still needed an EUP if Luna was back and currently throwing around more power than she had been before her banishment.
But all of those were pretty much back burner issues that had been put in the ‘do when you get around to it’ pile.
Despite the number of things to do, it didn’t take Twinkleshine long to get through them before moving to her morning reminders. “And you have a meeting with both the Canterlot Council and the Equestrian Council later today, Highness,” she told Luna.
“The what?”
Rainbow’s question created a bump in our usual morning routine, and Twinkie looked up from her notes to give the mare a raised eyebrow of confusion. “Pardon?”
“What’re those Council things, and how come Luna’s gotta see them?” she asked. “I thought Nightmare was supposed to be calling the shots during the day.”
Luna answered the question before I could. “Tis Nightmare that wishes to bring her concerns to them in pony. I never did have much patience for such things. A letter always sufficed before my absence.”
“And….they’re supposed to be what again?” she asked.
While Twinkie just gave my Dashie a disbelieving look, Minuette got her mouth to work while keeping her face mostly under control. She only had a raised eyebrow. “You can’t be serious. You don’t know what the Equestrian Council is? How in the hay did you ever graduate school without knowing something as basic as that?”
Rainbow let out a tiny groan and looked away.
I decided to come to my little Dashie’s rescue before the can of worms involving her formal education could be raised. “It’s like the town council for Ponyville, Rainbow. Only…bigger, and…less democratic. The Canterlot Council runs the day to day activities of the city that require attention, and Equestrian Council does the same thing for all of Equestria.” The biggest difference between normal city councils the Canterlot one being the fact that positions were only chosen from the nobility, and the chairman for the Canterlot Council also sat on the Equestrian Council that regularly met with Princess Celestia who, according to what I understood, either ran the council, or had authority over it. All the others had to send a representative.
“I thought Celestia ran Equestria,” she replied.
Since it was Rainbow, I managed not to laugh at the childish train of logic that probably brought her to that little thought. “She’s only one pony Rainbow, she can’t see to everypony’s problems personally.”
“Although she does spend four hours a day holding court for ponies to come to her to do just that,” Twinkie added before sinking in on herself just a little bit. “But only a small number of ponies actually get to see Princess Celestia that way since it’s first come first serve.”
I frowned at hearing that little bit of information again. While I did like the idea of Celestia allowing anyone to approach her no matter their social status, the lack of any scheduling or screening process meant that ponies with minor complaints were given equal attention to ponies with real problems. But according to the big pony with the sun on her butt, she wanted to give all her ponies a chance to be heard regardless of how big or small their problems were.
And...okay, I could agree with her on a moral level that everyone did deserve a chance to voice their problems with the government, my practicality shouted at me that THE HIGHEST MEMBER OF A GOVERNMENT SHOULDN’T BE BOTHERED WITH ZONING VIOLATION COMPLAINTS!
But, it was not the time to get all worked up over princess fatass. I had a pony to snuggle with!
“H-Hey!” Rainbow yelled as I held my Dashie a little tighter.
I just nuzzled her with the bottom of my chin on the top of her hair. “Sorry Dashie, but you’ll have to just bear the embarrassment for a bit longer. Morning briefing is almost over.” Although, I had no intention of letting her escape until I was done with her. I had got one of the Mane Six in my bed, and she wasn’t leaving until I had achieved maximum enjoyment.
A giggle escaped from Minuette’s mouth. “Besides, you look so adorable. Like a mother and her little foal. I bet you were an adorable little filly Dash.”
Now, there are certain moments in a person, or pony’s, life that a brilliant bit of inspiration strikes like a bolt out of the blue. The ideas born from such moments vary considerably on a range from genius to freakishly wrong. And as Rainbow Dash said something about getting Minuette back for that little comment, I had the most horribly brilliant idea in the history of all things pony.
It was also an idea that I just couldn’t wait to share.
An enormous Cheshire grin put my face into a giant smile of mischievous evil, and I asked the obvious question. “Hey, you girls want to see Dashie as a foal?”
“What?” Rainbow demanded as her body tensed, and the other two ponies got hopeful, if slightly confused, looks on their faces. “Hey you can’t just…magically poof somepony’s old photo album and show it around!”
Filled with a giddiness at the idea of seeing Rainbow as a baby, I just gave her a response in a much too happy voice. “Oh I’m not going to violate your privacy Rainbow! That would be wrong,” I assured her, making the pegasus calm down just a bit. “I’m just going to use an age spell turn you into a foal for a little while!”
And what little tension left Rainbows body after hearing I wasn’t going to be showing off one of those pictures that displayed her bare baby butt as she laid on a carpet made from sheepskin jumped back into place about twenty times greater than before. “W-WHAT?”
The river of ideas continued to flow at Rainbow’s horrified question. “Hey! we can get you a bonnet, and maybe a rattle. Diapers too. Don’t want any accidents, and should I hold you, or put you in a highchair for the photographer? Suppose I could put a bib on you then,” I reasoned before looking over to Minuette as Rainbow went deeper and deeper into a terrified vision of a future full of baby food and other uncool things. “Go find a camera!”
Before Minuette could even take a single step through, my mouth began to move on its own, and my speech patterns changed just a bit as Luna spoke. “That is quite enough Nightmare, you are terrifying the poor mare,” she said before taking over one of her legs to let Rainbow go. She was back in control of our mouth a second after Dash scuttled out of our grip though. “And fear not Rainbow Dash. Nightmare is not so foolhardy as to enact an age regression spell upon thine body. She is well aware of the dangers that an adult pony’s mind faces when reduced to infancy.”
A fact that I knew thanks to some casual questions I had in regards for a cheat spell to try and keep the Mane Six around longer than a pony should be while discussing magic. Simply put, a baby’s brain wasn’t meant to hold onto an adult’s full mental capacity. More than a few minutes as a foal, and the pony in question would lose major parts of their memories, personality, and even motor functions.
Of course that also meant I would have had three whole minutes to get a picture of baby Dashie before she suffered infancy amnesia, but as Luna was never going to guide me through the complex spell that was required for youthanizing (a word I was allowed to make up as I was kind of royalty) ponies, it was just a pipe dream.
“Now give the poor filly your apologies Nightmare, thou did frighten her halfway to the grave!” Luna scolded me.
That actually made me wince. Taking things too far with my pony pranks was something I really needed to work on. Especially since I hadn’t been messing around about de-aging Dash into a second foalhood for a few minutes as a joke.
I would have done it to the rest of the girls too. You know, so it would have been fair to Rainbow to only have a set of second-infancy pics with her in them.
But I threw that little dream away, and sat up to give Rainbow one of my best apologetic smiles with a little bit of a head tilt and eye raise to let her look down on me from a place of moral superiority. “Sorry for scaring you Dash,” I told her. “Looks like I did take things a bit too far. Forgive me?”
Rainbow looked over at me with a little frown on her face, and ran a hoof under her chin as if she was considering something important before she shrugged. Then she gave me a smirk that might have been trademarked. “Sure. Although if you’re gonna try pranking ponies, you really need me and Pinkie to show you how it's done first!”
The thought of running around with the two most hyperactive ponies in Equestria…pleased me greatly. “Sounds fun. Say…next time we’re in Ponyville?”
“Awesome,” Rainbow replied before she leaped into the air to try for a back flip, and was reminded that her wings were disabled when she nearly crashed face first into the ground.
But being an all-powerful pretty pony princess of nightmarish terror, I used my phenomenal cosmic power to freeze her in mid-air and save the little pony from her near-faceplant. And then I raised her up until we were eye level. “Alright, friendship problem dealt with!” I declared before the scent of Rainbow’s sweat reached my nose, killing my buzz.
Which was then double-killed when I sniffed the air again to find she had rubbed a good amount of it off on me when we cuddled.
“Come on Dashie, we’re taking a bath together!” I told the helpless pony in my magical grip before trotting towards the royal apartment’s bathing area before another slew of ideas burst from my mind. “And girls? Prepare all of our personal combs and brushes for a full grooming session with my little pony here. She needs to look her best for her meeting with the weather board today.”
Rainbow let out a groan. “Nightmare, I said hold off on the pranks until after me and Pinkie show you how it's done.”
My mouth upturned into a wide grin at Rainbow’s discomfort. “Oh this isn’t a prank Rainbow,” I told the little pony, putting her back into wide-eyed fear mode. “And get out the hoof care kit as well. Along with some makeup, perfume, maybe style her mane and tail…get some jewelry too, something rainbow-ish.”
“H-Hey! Don’t I get a say in this?” she shouted while trying unsuccessfully to fight off the magic holding her aloft. “Luna, help!”
And so, Luna once again took control of the mouth we shared. “Twould be best to use a ruby necklace to go with her coat, gold chain. Horseshoes as well. Tis a shame we have not the time to prepare a dress for her, but such is life. Now come along little Dashie, thine beatification treatment awaits!”
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” the helpless mare screamed.
Unfortunately, it seemed that the high point of my day was going to turn out to be bathing and dressing up Rainbow Dash.
Which was totally amazing by the way. The size of the tub made her sit in my lap on a little stool to keep her head above water as I got to wash her coat and deal with the tangled mess Rainbow’s mane was. For once, Luna was actually on my side as I got to scrub my Dashie’s coat and play with her hair like she was personal styling toy with a complaining voice track that played whenever I brushed her hair.
Then we turned her into our little fashion doll. The two of us used magic to work her mane into something strait and pretty. After that came a hooficure that didn’t make Rainbow flinch beyond the revulsion it sent through her body, the hoof polishing that allowed me to see Luna’s face in the light blue-tinted reflection, and the addition of several gemstones that went with her coat to her neck, earring, and feet slots.
We even managed to get a pure white dress for her thanks to Twinkie’s efforts. She apparently knew some dress designer, and Luna’s magic resized it to fit Dash in a matter of seconds.
After all that was done Luna put a blessing, or maybe a curse, on Rainbow that would keep all our hard work in place for eight hours no matter how much Dash tried to undo it. According to the goddess, mud and dirt would just fall off her, and both her jewelry and mane would reset in a flash of magic if she tried messing with them.
Then my paralysis spell wore off, her wings went back to work, and I had to meet with Celestia in front of a pair of big fancy golden doors that looked like the same kind every important room in Canterlot had as their entrance. It wasn’t a symbol of status. According to Luna, gold was an excellent magic conductor that made it easy to put defensive wards on.
I just looked at the things, and couldn’t help but be reminded of the time Discord snatched the Elements of Harmony out from under Tia’s nose.
“So what exactly is on the agenda for today?” I asked Luna’s big sis as we waited outside in the hall for some reason I couldn’t fathom.
Celestia looked at me for a moment as if she was noticing my presence for the first time, and gave a minute shrug. “While there’s always continuing business from the previous day, I don’t really know about any new issues until they’re brought to my attention. That is the point of this council after all.”
My instincts told me that there was probably a better way to do things, but before I could start suggesting that Celestia should change the way her government had somehow survived a thousand years of her sole rule, the doors were wrapped up in another pony’s magic and opened. When they did, I saw that the one who did it was sitting on the far side of the table.
The fact that the other members of the council were already seated and had apparently been the ones keeping Celestia waiting outside wasn’t lost on me. While there might have been some kind of ye olden protocol or something that said those in the highest positions of power were last to arrive, it just didn’t feel right to me. Plus, I just couldn’t shake the image of a bunch of greedy bastards hiding behind the golden doors and taking the last few minutes of the meeting to get their stories straight so they wouldn’t be caught in some manipulative lie they were feeding Tia.
But I was pretty sure that was just my distrust for any creature in charge that wasn’t an immortal quadruped who raised the sun and had nothing but good intentions for all living creatures talking. Any secret meeting to hide things from the goddess would have happened well in advance.
As I walked through the doors, I took a second to try and see how the magical wardings of the room worked, but was only able to get some very basic understandings before my paranoia gave me a mental image of the ponies inside the room giving Celestia a bunch of false smiles while secretly calculating how to steal government funds to spend on hookers and blackjack at the local casino. I cleared my head to concentrate on what was in the room, and the ponies themselves.
The room looked a little less decorated that I was expecting. Instead of a solid golden table with a throne for each one of the ponies, they used marble and floor cushions that looked to be made of silk.
The council wasn’t all that large for a country as big as Equestria. From what Luna and I had read, only the biggest cities had a councilmember. All the smaller towns were just part of that larger city’s district, and reported to its council when it came to problems. Although some places were a bit more democratic, and had the main city council comprised of ponies from all over the district rather than just one city.
But because of such a restriction, only seven ponies sat on the Equestrian Council. I focused on them one by one, going over the information that had been provided to Luna when I had told Celestia that we needed to attend these meetings.
First up was an older unicorn with a dark brown coat and black hair with blue eyes.
Name: Merry Land
Council Represented: Baltimare
Cutie Mark: Unrolled Scroll with a Quill
Sitting next to him was a middle-aged mare with a white coat and a blue mane. She was also a unicorn, but with green eyes.
Name: Freedom Belle
Council: Fillydelphia
Cutie Mark: Crier’s Bell
Then there was a pudgy unicorn in his later years with a dark black coat and white hair next to her.
Name: Legal Tender
Council: Manehattan
Cutie Mark: Open bag of bits.
My crosshairs moved to target another unicorn on the other side of the table with a purple mane and yellow coat.
Name: Surely
Council: Vanhoover
Cutie Mark: A maple leaf
After her was a unicorn stallion with a red coat and blue hair tied back in a pony tail.
Name: Black Jack
Council: Las Pegasus
Cutie Mark: Trio of cards that totaled in 21
And the final member of the Great Council of Quadrupeds sat right in front of us. He was a big stallion that told everyone who looked at him where he was from with his stature alone. Although whether he owed his height to genetics, or some other thing that allowed ponies in Canterlot to grow a little taller than the rest of their kin, I didn’t know.
Name: Blueblood
Council: Canterlot
Cutie Mark: Compass Rose
So…yeah, the council consisted of six horny ponies.
But that wasn’t the most disturbing thing about what I saw in front of me. No, it was merely the second behind another little fact that I had known a bit about ahead of time. But actually seeing the complete omission of two whole towns that made my ‘WTF meter’ go from mildly unamused to outright belligerent. And since I had kind of known about this little foible in Equestrian government beforehand, I was ready to call Celestia on it now that I had her trapped in the room with the evidence literally sitting right in front of us.
“So Tia,” I spoke up, getting a few unbelieving looks from the unicorns that I had just called Sunbutt by an improper name. “How come there isn’t a representative for Cloudsdale or Appleloosa here?” I knew there was also another city called Dodge…something, but Apple Town was just more memorable thanks to the focus it got.
And…okay, I might have been willing to accept the fact that every major city in Equestria sent a unicorn to represent them in Unicorn Town because that was the thing to do, and said unicorn might have been good at his job. But while a city with the word Pegasus in its freaking name sending a pointy-head to meet with Tia was bad enough, Cloudsdale’s omission from the council was just fucking ridiculous, and just screamed UNICORN MASTER RACE.
Celestia actually had the gall to look confused at my question. “Appleloosa? Why would a town that small need their own representative on the national council? They have Black Jack to tell me of any issues that they report to the council in Las Pegasus.”
The explanation of Appleloosa, I filed away for later to check up on. Although it seemed sensible on the surface, a town that at least got a scene or more several episodes having to report to one that just got a mention in one seemed a little odd. Plus, I didn’t really like the idea of one town having to report to another before their personal problems got kicked up the chain of command. It was one of the big faults of democracy. Elected officials didn’t tend to give a shit about people if they couldn’t vote for them, and these were town councils we were dealing with for the most part.
“And Cloudsdale?” I pressed on in a dry tone with a raised eyebrow. There was no way in hell that Celestia could get out of that one by saying the oldest surviving pegasus city in Equestria didn’t have enough bird-ponies to rate a personal representative.
I blinked with Celestia’s expression turned just a little frowny for a few seconds at my question. A few thoughts she obviously didn’t like the taste of must have skirted across her mind. But then Tia had her usual serene face back on, which might have been a mask. I wasn’t all that good at reading the emotions of talking horses just yet.
“Cloudsdale’s status a roaming city means it does not fit within the council structure, which operates on fixed points,” she explained. “I still meet with representatives from the city of course. They produce the majority of the weather for Equestria after all, it would be quite an oversight of me not to. Their audience is simply a personal one as opposed to a council meeting such as this.”
Okay, that actually helped me quell my growing fury at how pegasi were treated in Equestria just a bit. All the unicorns had to share the princess, while the pegasi got some more intimate alone time with her. Sure, Canterlot was still pretty racist, but it wasn’t a problem for all of Equestria.
A loud fake cough drew our attention away from each other, and we both look at Blueblood. “Auntie, what is that…ahem, Nightmare Moon doing here?” he asked a bit too…flippantly.
Before Celestia could say anything, or I could ask the same thing about Blueblood of all ponies, Luna decided to end her vow of silence. “Where else would a Princess of Equestria be when matters of state are to be discussed?” we asked with a frown that I shared in spirit.
Sure it was a little unfair to be so gruff to Blueblood after just seeing his actions on a television show. But come on! He snubbed AJ’s food and had Rarity follow him around all night without just telling her he wasn’t interested. Hell, if the whole thing had continued, I couldn’t help but imagine she would have woken up in bed with the jerk in what would turn out to be a one-night stand that destroyed any hope she ever had in finding true love.
Mental note: Make sure the Triple-G goes off even worse than in the show. I didn’t want to risk anything like that happening to Rarity. Ever.
Although he had received an answer from us, the stallion continued to look at Celestia as well as address her. “But-But she hasn’t be around for one-thousand years! Certainly you don’t mean to give her any political authority!”
That last bit seemed to be enough to make even Celestia’s face harden. “I gave my sister nothing. The authority she wields as a princess is hers, it has always been hers, and will always be hers,” she said before moving her head back and forth across the room. Each of the ponies sunk a but under the goddess’s glare. “Is that understood?”
When the rest of the room meekly nodded, Celestia went from outright frowning to slightly unamused. “Good. Now, let us begin the daily report of the kingdom. As I have not had any visions of ponies being attacked, I take it there is no great horror that has been unleashed on Equestria this week?”
The red stallion cleared his throat, and raised his hoof. “Um…actually your highness, there is a slight problem that Appleloosa has reported,” he said. “The ponies there are complaining that they were being harassed by a group of buffalo that has migrated into the area recently.”
As Black Jack started going into specifics, my mind became a little confused at hearing that. What I knew about FiM clashed with what the guy in front of me had just said. Although I didn’t have access to a pony wiki or a DVR that held every single episode of the show in chronological order, I was pretty damn sure that the thing with the buffalo happened somewhere in Season 2.
…didn’t it?
So why in the hell was it being brought up now?
Okay sure, some of the episodes had to be a little out of order from what could have happened in Equestria if the show was real since they had Winter Wrap-up BEFORE Fall started, but…the injin stand-in group stirring up trouble so soon just seemed…off.
Unless of course four seasons really did comprise a single year’s worth of events.
And if Celestia just sat around on her fat ass instead of dealing with the problem like she should…
“Well, let’s wait for now and see how the situation develops,” the alicorn said.
…which, she apparently was willing to do, I could totally see a major problem developing to the point where the buffalo were willing to completely demolish a whole town of ponies and their food supply, trampling and starvation of the community be damned.
“WHAT?” I yelled at Celestia. “Those…land cows are encroaching on Equestrian territory, and your reaction is to just sit around to see what happens? What the hay kind of response is that? We need to do something to make sure they know not to mess with our little ponies!” Okay, so hanging around Tia and Luna so much may have affected my vocabulary a bit.
But those tiny quadrupeds were important to me damnit!
The goddess studied me for a few moments, and then shook her head before she let out a sigh. “Nightmare, in situations such as this, it is best to take a moment to observe and see what is happening before taking action.”
While that would have sounded reasonable to anyone else, I already knew what was happening. Hell, I even knew what was going to happen. Everything would calm down and work out between the buffalo and ponies when the bigger quadrupeds bullied the poor little ponies into giving them their baked goods because they didn’t want to run through a bunch of sandy ground not twenty feet over.
And while that would have been a fine and dandy ending for a cartoon show, what with the native occupants that didn’t even really use the land getting something for nothing because of the fragile connection they had to a culture of people that lost multiple wars for territory without actually going extinct, it didn’t really hold much weight if Appleloosa’s orchard would need to expand to feed the growing community. Not to mention what other improvements would be needed to help Appleloosa down the line.
“Okay,” I falsely-agreed before frowning back at Celestia. “And while we’re sitting around, waiting to see what happens, the ponies that are supposed to be under our protection are being…” Well, I couldn’t really say attacked, as the buffalo hadn’t tried to trample anyone that I know of before they heard Pinkie’s singing, but…they sure as hell endangered a lot of ponies by the way they attacked that train!
“…messed with,” I finished in a growl.
Celestia let out another sigh. “Luna, would you help me explain the situation to your possessing spirit?”
After a few seconds of silence, the younger sister spoke. “Actually Sister, I agree with Nightmare’s course of action. A swift response to this…incursion would be best. Equestria has not had a war with the planes creatures since before my banishment, and now that I have returned…albeit in a way that none could have guessed, I think it prudent to remind them as to why they do not venture north into our lands.”
As Celestia blinked a few times at Luna’s response, I was colored a nice shade of intrigued. While I had soaked up the history of Equestria during Celestia’s single rule, my cover as Nightmare Moon would have probably taken a hit if I tried reading about stuff when the thing that took over Luna was still a spirit wandering around…or whatever the hell it did before stealing her body.
So…yeah. Equestrian history was definitely something that interested me.
Tia looked us up and down, and I tried to give a good stance to show some iron resolve…or something. I think that was what Luna would have wanted.
“We will speak of this later,” she said in a much gentler tone than she had used with Blueblood. “For now, let’s find out what’s going on in the lives of our little ponies, shall we?”
Apparently, not even an equine utopia could make the workings of its government interesting, or even sensible for that matter.
As the meeting went on, I finally found out what Celestia’s place was when it came to the Equestrian Council. Simply put, they were an advisory board to the goddess. Celestia was the pony that made all the decisions. Anything that didn’t fall within the territory of a single city council’s authority had to be taken to Celestia for approval.
New road construction from Tall Tale to Vanhoover? That needed Tia’s stamp of approval.
Baltimare, Manehattan and Fillydelphia need to set up some new shipping lanes? That needed Tia’s stamp of approval.
Planning for a new trans Equestria rail system that would go from one end of the country to the other? Oh you better believe that needed Celestia’s stamp of approval. On several documents in fact.
While I could see how it let Celestia keep herself in the know about what was going on in Equestria, that part of her duties seemed to just…slow everything down. Sure, she needed a bunch of ponies to tell her what was going on in the big wide world, but the fact that she also had to approve every little thing herself made me think the process could be turned into something far easier to manage with minimal effort if she just gave a few ponies the authority to okay things in her name so she could deal with the important stuff.
At the very least, it would have cut down on the boredom of everything and helped alicorns that had to suffer through such things less drowsy. Despite just having woken up a few hours ago, I found myself fighting to keep my eyes open as I followed Celestia down the hall. A few times I nearly stumbled into her rear as Luna’s enlarged body faltered in its battle against the need to slumber, brought on by the boredom of the meeting. It also didn’t help that Tia’s bubble butt looked really comfortable to lay against. Something I could just lay my head against and sink into it like a big marshmallow pillow.
I shook my head to try and clear it of such thoughts.
And decided to talk.
Talking was good.
Talking stopped the Sleep.
“Guh! I don’t know what was worse!” I talked in the complaining kind of way. “How inane most of all that junk was, or just how it was all so ba-ha-hooring!”
Celestia looked back at me with what I had taken to calling her admonishing smile. It said she was upset with my action, but still had an infinite amount of love to toss my way. “Now Nightmare, everything that was said in that room was important. After all, how am I supposed to make proper decisions about the future of Equestria if I do not know what is going on inside my kingdom?”
While Celestia was right on that point, the amount of involvement she had in just the most basic of decisions was what had me frowning back at her. I mean, did they really need her approval for a new shopping mall in Manehattan because it would have stuff shipped in from all over Equestria?
Instead of me snarking at the pony princess in reply, Luna took over for us. “Nightmare speaks the truth Sister. Before our absence, the nobles would not have dared waste our time broaching such subjects as what was discussed within that chamber,” she said. “But more importantly, why is it that so much of the budget has been set aside for a payment to Griffonstone? You can not tell me that those beasts actually prevailed in a war against Equestria, and now demand tribute!”
Okay, that was actually a pretty valid complaint. I mean, I knew Griffonstone was pretty much the magical land version of every human city that was passed it heyday rolled into one and populated by money-grubbing douche bags that would sell their own mother for two bits, but the fact that Equestria was actually giving them money just made me scratch my head. There was no way that paying them off was worth avoiding conflict with a race that would get completely owned if they tried anything.
“No Sister,” Celestia assured us. “The griffons have fallen on hard times, and simply require a little aid.”
“Sister, you do remember this was the same species that attempted to invade Equestria the week after our nation was founded, do you not?” Luna replied in a deadpan tone.
The other alicorn frowned back at us. “An invasion that was stopped thanks to an offer of pastries, Luna.”
Luna snorted with our nose, which felt really weird since I wasn’t the one doing it. “Yes, and I’m sure the fact they were facing a military force more than three times the size of what they were used to with the pegasi on top of the two of us had nothing to do with bringing them to the negotiations table,” she snarked. “And as I remember it, those pastries were enchanted with a spell that made any creature that ate one desire more éclairs with such abandon it was almost a physical need.”
I stumbled, and moved my head to look at my shoulder, and then to Celestia as I finished translating what Luna had just said. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second,” I cut in with my disbelief written all over my face. “You enchanted the food at a political meeting with a want-it-need-it spell?”
Common decency put a little red on Celestia’s face, but she tilted her head up just a little and held it high instead of shrinking under the accusation. “The griffons were threatening to invade Equestria just a few short weeks after its founding. Neither Luna nor myself had begun to raise the sun and moon at that point in time, and the military units of the three tribes were a hodgepodge of soldiers that still distrusted each other too much to fight side by side,” she replied in a regal tone. “We saw a chance to avert a war that would have been devastating to both sides. One that involved no loss of life, and took it.”
“Of course old king Boreas keeled over three years later from the problems with his clogged arteries since all he ate were chocolate éclairs and forever made griffin culture consider that one particular food the be all and end all of dining,” Luna added with a smirk before she turned serious. “But enough jesting. All things considered Nightmare, that is a minor cost compared to how many ponies would have been injured or worse. If anything, I believe we went easy on the old bird.”
My conscience found itself in an internal struggle. On one hand, the alicorns apparently had little reservations about how they had basically stripped away the will of another intelligent creature to serve their own ends. But on the other hand, said creature was attempting to start a war that would have cost thousands of lives at the least. Freedom of choice, or sanctity of life?
And then there was that last bit that Luna mentioned.
“What do you mean he got off easy?” I asked.
Celestia rolled her eyes. “Because of the effects of the spell, Boreas was willing to immediately surrender his country to us and offered his people up as free labor with a blood debt that would carry through the lines of their families in perpetuity in return for the recipe.”
I raised an eyebrow at Celestia. “You mean he was willing to turn his entire species into a slave race for a dessert recipe?”
My mouth began moving on its own again, and Luna made us let out a sigh. “I still believe we should have at least taken the offer of annexation.”
Celestia shook her head. “And I still say it would have been a bad idea. The pegasi would have felt betrayed if we were to have allowed another winged race into Equestria at such an early stage. It would have threatened their very purpose in Equestria.”
“Oh please Sister,” Luna replied with a snort. “Those cat-birds barely have enough magic to stand on clouds. As if they could ever replace our little ponies in the field of weather control.”
Unfortunately, the conversation was brought to an abrupt end when we reached another pair of oversized golden doors with a large sun worked right into the center. Like the other council chambers, the door was enchanted not to let anything in without the proper magical coding.
I questioned the reasoning behind having two different meeting rooms for the different councils, but didn’t outright ask it. Apparently, governments just loved excuses to spend money no matter what world you were in.
“I will see you for the setting of the sun then, Sister?” Celestia asked.
Luna had me nod our head, and we shared a quick nuzzle goodbye before Sunbutt turned around to wave her rear at us as she walked away. With the horses massive hips swaying to a fro in front of my eyes, I couldn’t help but liken the way she walked to certain human women that made their living off being naked on a stage.
“Okay, I got to know, does she do the super sexy strut on purpose?” I asked Luna as we looked away from Tia to walk into the empty room. “Or is it just some strange coincidence?”
An odd sensation ran through my body, like a jolt of electricity without the shiver that usually accompanied it. Then, Luna spoke directly to me. “Nightmare, I beg of you, do not reveal any sudden attractions you have towards my sister while we share a body.”
Luna’s accusation made me straighten up and out. “What?” I asked before I got a very wrong mental image in my head of Celestia pinning me to the bed with a lecherous look in her eyes. “Oh Nightmare Moon. How I’ve wanted this for so long! Make a mare out of me!”
The horror show that followed made me cry out in terror. “GAAAH! No! No way. No how. Absolutely not!” I shouted at my reflection in the white marble table. “I am in no way, shape or form attracted to your sister! Or anypony else for that matter!”
“Well, you do tend to stare at her plot a lot.”
Before I could counter Luna’s argument with the fact that Tia’s ass was impossible not to look at with the way it filled half a room, the door opened to admit the Canterlot Council. Just like the EC, the CC was made up of nothing but unicorns. Although with this being Canterlot, I felt that a governing group of nothing but horny ponies was a bit more justified.
And…okay, maybe I was being a little hard on the Equestrian Council and it’s pure unicorn membership. It wasn’t as if they actually had the power to do anything after all. Since their only duty was to report to Celestia, the group seemed more like glorified messengers than anypony of real importance. The earth ponies and the pegasi were obviously too sensible to waste members of their tribes on glorified mailmares.
Of course the darker part of my reasoning that there was also a chance that they were secretly controlling the nation by keeping information from Celestia and making decisions in her name for their own greedy ends. But…they were ponies. They couldn’t be that evil and manipulative.
Well…unless they were dealing with another species. Then it was all mind control and whatever other trick they had up their sleeves.
But that was something to consider when a pair of golden doors weren’t suddenly swinging open to admit a group of well-to-do members of the Canterlot elite. I recognized Blueblood and Fancy Pants of course. There were probably a few other ponies that went to a dinner party that Rarity attended as well, but…who remembers those background ponies?
The big stallion with the blue mane and mustache blinked so hard his monocle nearly fell off. “Ah, Princess Luna and Nightmare Moon,” Fancy said in surprise. “What an unexpected honor. To what do we owe your company?” The fact that he addressed us as separate entities, one of the reasons why Fancy managed to hold onto the title of most tolerable Canterlot unicorn.
Of course I had met with the guy a few times before over the past several weeks. He was placed somewhere high up in Equestria’s foreign policy department, as he found ‘lesser’ species charming to deal with. Which was a bit of a black mark on his personality for me. But he was a Canterlot noble after all, if a more friendly and polite version.
And…yeah, I put ponies on a pedestal above everything else on the mud ball I was currently occupying too, but…it was different with me since I wasn’t technically a pony and the Equestrians really were the best species this planet had to offer according to my completely objective and factual views. So...my outsider's view made me saying ponies were better than everything else just a statement of fact, nothing more.
Luna decided to address the question before I could hide my sort-of displeasure at seeing more of the nobility shuffle in to put their plots down on their golden cushioned chairs. “There is a huge omission concerning the medical care here in Canterlot that Nightmare wishes us to address personally.”
“Ah, jolly good then,” he replied before taking his seat, the last of the ponies to do so.
Next to Fancy, Blueblood knocked his hoof on the table the way I had seen him do minutes before to begin the meeting. “Yes, yes. We will move your request up on the docket after taking care of prior business raised at the last council meeting,” he said before looking over to a unicorn with a dark blue coat and silvery mane I didn’t recognize sitting next to him. “Which was…what again?”
The mystery unicorn reached down to pull out a small book and leafed through it before his face lit up. “Ah, here it is,” he replied before clearing his throat. “Due to the increased prosperity of our nation and city in particular, a motion was made to increase the compensation for the time spent in council to better reflect our contribution to society. We settled on…let’s see here…ah! Fifteen thousand bits, annually.”
As I tried to remember if that was a lot for ponies, Blueblood looked over to Blue Mystery with a scowl. “Preposterous! Our annual compensation for these blasted councils is one-hundred and fifty thousand! How can a tenth of that be an increase?! I shan't vote in favor of such a thing!”
I…blinked. “Wait a second, you’re giving yourselves a raise?” I always found it a little odd that people in charge could do that.
Mystery Blue Pony looked away from Blueblood and over to me for a second, then back down to his notes. “Oh! Right, sorry. The Princess is correct. I see now, it’s a fifteen-thousand bit increase to our current compensations.”
Right on top of him, Blueblood spoke up. “Ah! Much better then. Thank you for your correction to this fool’s misinterpretations Princess Nightmare. All in favor?”
“Aye,” most of the unicorns in the room said while I glowered at them silently. Something told me this was going to be a long day.
An hour later, and the events had proven my assessment of the way things were going correct. After the ponies had finished giving themselves more money because there was an increase in tax revenue for the year, they moved onto a matter which I actually gave a damn about: ensuring proper care for all ponies in Canterlot, regardless of tribe.
Sure, I was mainly focused on the pegasi side of things, but if the earth ponies had their own obvious difference that needed special attention when it came to medical care, I would have advocated for that too. But since they lucked out in that department, and another one considering their tougher bodies could stand up to more punishment than your average pegasus or unicorn, they didn’t need a special doctor to cater to their needs.
And of course, the argument the mare Medical Mirchel and her stallion Finical Planner had always came down to…
“Princess, please understand, it simply isn’t cost effective to require every hospital in Canterlot to have a doctor that caters to less than ten percent of the city’s population when we already have a pony who can take care of such things!”
I glared at the little pony and…
“Cost effective? COST EFFECTIVE? I’LL COST EFFECT YOU! YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A LOVING PONY!” I shouted before grabbing the creature denying medical care to little kids in my magic and slamming him into the table hard enough to make his horn snap off before I teleported the prick to Cloudsdale to get his broken horn treated.
…let out a long sigh at the roundabout argument that had been going on for a good half hour at the least while I busied my mind with the pleasurable mental imagery of breaking bones and everything opposing me crying out in pain.
But on the outside, I simply said. “Look, I understand that hospitals need to be properly compensated for their work,” I replied. “And I’ve been watching and giving you little ponies nightmares for centuries while Luna has been locked away inside of me, so I’m not as out of date when it comes to things like her.”
Sure it was a lie, but I needed some way to explain why she was speaking in ye olden tongue and I knew all the current lingo. Even if Celestia and Luna were fed the total amnesia line, I could just flat out tell them I was lying to the nobles so they couldn't side-step my concerns.
“So you’re not going to just write me off with some ‘we know what we’re doing old-timer’ line,” I went on. “And I agree that medical professionals should have a good amount of bits given to them in return for the specialized work it took them years of study to get around to that probably put some major debt on their shoulders. But every place of care should have the staff to take care of every major foreseeable medical emergency! The fact that you just write off the pegasi because there aren’t that many of them in town is preposterous!” And a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy at that. Who wanted to live in a town that couldn't treat your broken limbs?
“But-but where are we supposed to get the bits for the extra staff and equipment that will require?” one of the rich unicorns on the right side of the table demanded.
I narrowed my eyes at the room full of ponies that had just allocated a collective sum of one-hundred and fifty thousand bits into their pockets on top of the millions they were already collecting just for sitting in a room for a few hours a day. “Hey Luna,” I called out to my body’s owner.
“Yes Nightmare?” my mouth replied.
“You can still make royal decrees with the full authority of the crown and just bypass the local authority of the council by making laws on a national level, correct? Including the distribution of government funds?” I asked sweetly as every other face in the room started to look like they swallowed a lemon.
Luna was silent for few seconds. “Well…yes. You speak true. Why doth thou ask?”
“N-Now wait a moment Princess!” a white mare with blue hair named Glittering Diamond called out as she stood up with a fearful expression written all over her face. “P-Princess Luna. I’m sure that we can find a means to acquiesce to Nightmare Moon’s request without needing to go to such lengths! Right everypony?”
As all the ponies in the room began to nod in agreement, I got a weird feeling in my gut while they actually started to look at the Canterlot budget to cut some of the fat and move a few funds around here and there to find enough money to bring in an extra doctor or two along with a bit of medical equipment for the special attention pegasi would need.
Was it fact they were channeling a few funds from every other place that wasn’t their salaries? The fact I had to threaten to use the power given to a single ruler to overturn that of the several officials to get what I wanted done? Or maybe it was the ease in which they folded when I threatened to start poking around, only raising my suspicions that something was indeed going on behind Celestia’s back at the local levels that she didn’t really look into.
Whatever the case, I didn’t like it.
No, I didn’t like it one bit.
The meeting with the Canterlot Council left me feeling…well, not drained as I walked down the hallway of the office building to my next appointment, barely concerned with all the little ponies that were giving me wide-eyed looks of astonishment at seeing the goddess of their nightmares trotting around a minor municipal building relating to the weather control of a podunk little town most ponies couldn‘t even find on a map…
It was more like I was suspicious of those ponies running things in the shining city on the hilltop. From the looks of things, I had Luna’s work cut out for her when it came to checking up on things to ensure the continued prosperity of Equestria.
But then came the question of: should I interfere?
I mean, I sure as hell didn’t notice any major structural changes to Equestrian society back in the day when I had two legs instead of the four I was borrowing. Even the return of the Crystal Empire didn’t seem to cause too much of a stir beyond the fact its sudden appearance probably gypped Manehattan or some other city out of the Equestria Games.
If I went mucking around with Equestrian society…well…my mind kept going back to that movie where Spider Man and some other chick got sucked into a black and white television show. One little sexual act, and all of a sudden, their star basketball team that had never lost a game couldn’t even make a single shot!
What if I ended up doing that to Equestria?
What if I ended up turning all the little ponies into a bunch of sex-crazed horses that constantly acted like they were in heat and-and and then…I dunno…got Twilight pregnant or something?
Images of a bloated purple unicorn, forever denied her wings because she decided to turn away from Celestia’s teachings in favor of getting ridden by some strange stallion made me tremble in fear.
Or worse, she could end up on the Apple Farm, spending the rest of her life using her exceptional magical potential to just pick fruit between raising all the youngins that Big Mac put inside of her! Her future as a global leader and savior, thrown away to pick apples!
But even worse than that! She could end up with some stupid hot pegasus whose presence makes her just lose ninety-nine-point-nine-nine-nine percent of her IQ and squeal like some stupid fan girl before she followed him around so long he finally said yes, knocked her up, and then left the poor mare to raise the bastard foal on her own!
No! NO! I couldn’t let something like that happen to Twilight! No matter what the cost to Equestria might be!
A double door to my left opened in front of me, taking me out of the horrible futures that I might doom Equestria to. “Oh, Princess Luna, Nightmare Moon, you’re here,” the little purple pony told me with a happy smile that seemed to light up the simple green sundress she had on. The fact that the pony was wearing clothes spoke volumes about how important this was to be professional. “Good. Rainbow Dash is going to need all the support she can get.”
I looked over to the little unicorn, and plopped down on the floor to reach over and lay some supportive fetlocks on her shoulders. “Don’t worry Twilight! I won’t let anything bad happen to you!” I assured her while destroying the various mental images of her futures where she lay shattered, restrained, or alone. That little purple pony was going to shine like the stars on her butt if I had anything to say about it!
“Um…thanks?” she replied with a confused expression on her tilted face. “But…we really need to be supportive of Rainbow Dash right now.”
Luna took control of our mouth to speak. “Pay no mind to Nightmare Moon, Twilight Sparkle. She is having one of her…I believe the term is, episodes.”
I reasserted control, and looked over to my left shoulder. “Hey! I just had an important revelation about the destiny of Equestria, and our role in the greater scheme of things!”
“Well…can you tone it down for a little bit?” Twilight asked before she looked back into the room and off to the side at something I couldn’t quite see. “Rainbow Dash is really worried.”
An indignant cry came from inside the room. “N-No I’m not!”
I took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and nodded my head. “I’m sorry,” I apologized. “Can we come in?”
Twilight stepped aside to let me and Luna through into the small room. To be honest, it wasn’t as bad as I imagined. Instead of a big threatening courtroom-like setup with three judges stands and a place for the witness to sit, I found the room set aside for this little review was a Spartan as possible. A long basic table sat on the other end of the room with three little chairs low enough to be used by ponies comfortably while a smaller table was off to the side of the room by the door with two chairs for Twilight and Rainbow. Next to Twilight’s table, a discarded pair of saddlebags with her cutie mark laid on the floor.
The pegasus looked as immaculate as I had left her thanks to the ‘curse’ that kept Rainbow’s mane and wardrobe from getting out of whack. Still, she did seem a little more jittery than what was normal for her usual eight-year-old level of ability to told still. So I stepped forward and put a wing over her back.
“I’ll be okay Rainbow,” I assured her as gently as I could manage. “I’m sure the board will see how great a weather pony you are, and put you back in charge of Ponyville’s weather in a snap. Then it’ll be back to all that cloud busting and planning the town's weather in no time!”
Twilight cleared her throat, causing me to look at her. “Technically, Rainbow isn’t in charge of the weather for Ponyville. She’s just the head weatherpony. All the weather plans come from Canterlot since we’re in its district.”
As I mulled over the correction, a thought occurred to me. “So wait…what about Cloudsdale? I thought they handled weather for Equestria.”
“Well of course they do,” Twilight replied with a little nod. “But regional decisions are made by the districts themselves. I mean, can you imagine the mess it would be if every pegasus had to report to a moving city for hearings over minor infractions?”
I nodded. “I suppose I see your point.” Although, they fact that we were meeting in Canterlot made me dread what was going to come through the opposite end of that door. With the way things had been going, I really wouldn’t have been surprised if a bunch of horn-heads just trounced right in to tell a pegasus how cloud bucking should be done.
With my expectations successfully set, I perked up my ears when I heard a door open. However, instead of watching a bunch of puffed up unicorns waddle in to sit upon their seats of judgment in Rainbow’s case, I looked back behind me to see the door I had come through to admit yet another pony. She was a very light brown, or tan if you prefer, with a mane of fake-gray covering her head and some spectacles covering her eyes. Needless to say, I was a little surprised to find Mayor Mare appearing at the meeting.
And judging by how she looked up at me and Luna with wide eyes before prostrating herself on the ground so fast I wondered if she left an indentation of her nose in the carpet, she hadn’t been expecting to see me either. “P-Princess! Oh, there was no need for you to attend this meeting personally Your Highness! I-I am more than capable of-”
I groaned and held up a hoof to shut her up before she could continue. Just because I wasn’t all that familiar with the Ponyville mayor didn’t mean I liked seeing her grovel. “Oh get up already. And of course I’d come here for Rainbow Dash.”
The mayor cleared her throat and back away, although her head was still lowered. “Ahem. Yes, of course. Forgive me for not noting the full seriousness of the infraction. Of course you would want to ensure that the proper-”
Whatever the mayor was going to say was cut off when the door opened to reveal, to my pleasant surprise, a dark gray pegasus stallion with a short orange mane! An actual pegasus in Canterlot that had some say in the way the weather was going to work. A pony with a job given to him that actually made some sense! It was…
It was…
…something that only got my hopes up since a pair of unicorn mares with dark colors followed him in to sit to his right and left before he pulled out a pretty good sized folder of papers from under his wing to drop it on the table. Then, he took a look around the room, and froze in wide-eyed astonishment when he saw me. “P-Princess Nightmare Luna! W-We didn’t expect you to come personally your highness.”
Okay, once was a little…odd. But hearing practically the same thing come from two different ponies was just plain freaky. Not the whole groveling and surprised part, I was kind of used to that from non-Ponyville ponies, but hearing it a second time made me catch something. It was almost as if they knew I had a reason for showing up.
And as I mulled that bit of information over, Luna decided to keep us from looking like a mute idiot. “Why would we not take an interest in Rainbow Dash’s continued place within the weather patrol?”
The stallion slunk down under Luna’s gaze, and quickly opened the folder in front of him to bring up the paperwork like a shield. “Um…y-yes of course. Pardon me for m-my um…question, Your Highness.”
This time, I didn’t give the pony an ‘it’s alright nod’ to help ease his nerves.
“N-Now, let’s begin so we can get this over quickly, and the princess can return to performing her royal duties,” the stallion announced before he looked over to Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle as they two of them sat down. “And may I ask what the mare by Ms Dash is doing here?”
Twilight looked over to the pegasus. “Oh! I’m here to offer council to Rainbow during the hearing your honor.”
“This is hardly a trial Ms…”
Picking up on the cue, the purple unicorn nodded. “Twilight Sparkle, sir.”
“Ms Sparkle,” the pony replied. “This is not a trial. Ms Dash does not need some kind of lawyer…yet, anyway.” The way the pony glanced over in my general direction made me frown.
“Perhaps not sir,” Twilight countered. “But I can cite over one-hundred instances where an Equestrian weather employee was allowed to bring in a specialist to help in their defense and-”
A little tired of this whole thing already, I spoke up in an authoritative tone before Twilight could finish. “She can stay.”
The three ponies on the other side of the room looked over to me for a moment, and then nodded. “Very well Princess. We shall allow it under your…ahem. Now, getting onto business,” he said before finishing the previous sentence. Which really made me wonder if the pegasus was going to call my order a request, or a demand.
The stallion looked over to my little Dashie with a frown. “Rainbow Dash, over the course of your career there have been numerous complaints about you, ranging from your lackluster performance while on the job, misuse of clouds, and unauthorized redistribution of weather, as well as your latest infraction, an inability to keep weather on schedule.”
As the pegasus took a breath, Rainbow reared up to her hind legs to slam her hooves down on the table in front of her. “WHAT?” she demanded. “Who the buck’s been saying all that junk about me?”
“Rainbow, control yourself!” Twilight pleaded to the nicely-dressed mare.
The pegasus cleared her throat. “Over the past several years, we’ve received many complaints from pegasi in Ponyville’s weather team that you…ah, here it is,” he said before reading off one of the pages. “Take frequent naps during working hours.”
“I still get the job done!” Rainbow shot back.
“There have been several reports of ponies saying that you use thunderheads to…prank them, it says here?” the stallion asked before he moved the age over to the unicorn on his left when she whispered something into his ear.
Rainbow let out a groan. “Hey, we got to get rid of those extra storm clouds somehow!”
“And then there’s your unauthorized re-distribution of weather,” the stallion went on. “There have been several complaints by one Carrot Top that you frequently take rain meant for her farm and use it to water one Sweet Apple Acres instead.”
The feathers on blue mare’s wings ruffled. “That’s because Carrot Top always orders way too much! She has a garden, Applejack has a whole orchard!”
“On top of which, there is your inability to keep the weather on schedule,” the pegasus stallion went on.
Dash rolled her eyes. “Well I’d like to see you try and work weather near the Everfree! Keeping everything on schedule with that forest around is impossible!”
It was then that Twilight finally spoke up. “That is the truth sir and ma’ams,” she said before pulling a stack of papers out of her saddlebag that was on the floor next to her. “If you will allow, I can show you all several meteorological studies from numerous towns close to the Everfree proving that the untamed weather of the forest, from wild winds to rogue storms that make any long or short-term weather schedules more and more of an impossibility the more distant the date is from the current one.”
“And there was the latest complaint that the Mayor of Ponyville filed against you on-”
Before the stallion could finish, Rainbow Dash was back up on her hind legs in outrage. “YOU?” she demanded as she scowled at the pony in question. “You’re the one that’s made me drag myself down here? What the hay Mayor?”
Instead of the light brown pony defending herself, the stallion cleared his throat again. “Ms Dash, if you would sit down and listen until I finish,” the other pegasus in the room went on. “The Ms Mare filed the complaint on behalf of Princess Luna, who expressed displeasure about a rainstorm you ordered to be made twice as strong as what was set by the schedule, during a royal visit nonetheless!”
The room fell silent for a few seconds. The blue pony in her cute little dress looked over to me with wide eyes and a down-turned mouth that made me feel a knife plunge into my heart almost as hard as the one Rainbow obviously felt drive into her back.
“P-Princess-” Rainbow Dash begin as I felt a tingle in Luna’s leg before it raised up on its own and stomped down on the ground half a second before Luna spoke with our mouth.
“TIS A LIE!”
The shout had the desired effect. Everypony in the room, even Dash and Twilight flinched at Luna’s anger before she went down to a less deafening level of speech. “We ordered no such documentation sent to the weather office! How-ugh, Nightmare! Turn our head to face Ponyville’s mayor so we might loom over her!” the horse goddess demanded.
I was happy to comply. A moment later, the mayor was back to cowering on the floor as we stood over her. I even spread Luna’s wings for that whole menacing effect while Luna spoke. “How dare you attach our name to such an accusation, and persecute our dearest friend in such a way!”
“Dearest friend?” I heard Twilight whisper.
“Uh…long story,” Rainbow replied in an equally low tone.
Meanwhile, the pony in front of me was attempting her best to form a coherent sentence. “B-But your highness, y-you yourself said that the storm was too strong, and-”
“And that it twas a minor thing!” she yelled on top of the elected official, putting her back into cower mode. “I have faced dark horrors the likes of which you could never hope to know, and yet you believe that mere water would be enough to cause me or my sister such discomfort that we would seek to strip a pony of her purpose in retaliation? If the rain had truly been a problem for us, we would have simply shut off the cloud for a moment before leaving thine little hamlet!”
With Mayor Mare sufficiently quelled, Luna had us look back to the ponies on the review board. “And you! While I cannot defend Rainbow Dash’s slothfulness, every other complaint you have brought to this room is laughable,” she went on while I pointed our hoof at the pegasus in the middle of the far table. “My sister and I once dwelled within the Everfree, and know its effects on the weather better than anypony. The fact that Rainbow Dash and her fellow pegasi are able to keep to any semblance of schedule at all is reason for commendation, not thine condemnation! Now let this be an end to these proceedings so that she may return to Ponyville and resume her duties as lead weathermare.”
“B-But, the complaints about weather distribution and misuse of clouds-”
“I SAID LET THIS BE AN END TO IT!” the princess shouted before the other pony could finish, making him duck under the table.
And so, the great uncertainty in the future employment of Rainbow Dash was brought to a close...with the pegasus pretty much getting a blank check to act up however she wanted on the job with no fear of repercussions thanks to Luna’s backing.
Of course Twilight grumbled about the whole thing on her way back to the royal lunar quarters, mostly about how all that research had been a waste of time and how it seemed a little strange that only after the last complaint filed against Rainbow Dash was made that the ponies did anything about her.
But, I had the answer to that one.
“It’s because Luna made the complaint,” I told Twilight as I finished helping Rainbow out of her dress and jewelry to just toss it all on the oversized pony bed for later pickup.
“We made no such complaint!” Luna said right on top of me.
I sighed and rolled my eyes. “Look, if there’s one thing I’ve learned while in Equestria, if a pony has a royal title to their name and happens to be twice as big as your average pony, then everypony else scrambles around like crazy at just the hint of displeasure,” I said before moving on before Twilight could ask another question. “And considering how bad Everfree weather is, I’m betting ponies were willing to overlook everything else Dash did because she could handle the job when most couldn’t.”
From her place beside me, Rainbow nodded. “Yeah, I am pretty awesome.”
Twilight sighed. “Some of those complaints were valid Rainbow. You do tend to sleep a lot.”
“Yeah, when I’m done with my work,” she countered.
“Like when I first came to Ponyville and you hadn’t cleared a single cloud?” Twilight deadpanned.
Rainbow took a moment to think back to that fateful day, and then looked back at Twilight. “That was different. I was doing stunt practice.”
After a few seconds of giving the pegasus a strained look, Twilight let out a groan and shook her head. But she was looking Rainbow in the eye a few seconds later. “Okay, you know what? I’m helping you with your weather rescheduling from now on. We can even include margins of error for when the Everfree does cause a problem.”
“Huh?”
“And your day scheduling, and training schedule,” she said before wrapping the pegasus up in her magic and carrying Rainbow behind her towards the door. “Now come on, we need to go and catch the train back to Ponyville before it leaves.”
“H-Hey Twilight, put me down! I can fly on my own.”
I decided not to follow the girls and see them off. Not because of the huge crowd that ‘Princess Nightmare Luna Moon’ would obviously attract. It was because the short half a day I had to do things was quickly running out, and the only thing I had managed to do was find out just how much I had to accomplish in light of recent revelations.
The little incident with Rainbow’s review board had taught me something. I was going to change things. Not because I wanted to, but because I was currently sharing a body with Princess Luna. Ponies took notice of Princess Luna, and every little thing she did made a Mothra-sized butterfly effect. Hell, the littlest of side comment had almost cost Rainbow Dash her job!
So I could either just stay in Luna’s room from sunup to sundown, then do whatever the hell she wanted when night came, or I could go out into the world with the knowledge that even my slightest action was going to change things, and do my best to take control of it.
With my choice being pure inaction in Equestria, or playing with the pretty ponies…well, it really wasn’t much of a choice at all, was it?
Okay…so…what to do first? I asked myself inside my own head.
I remembered something about flying tribbles attacking Ponyville, but…Pinkie would deal with it well enough. Although…it was a shame that Princess Celestia had missed her official visit because of the little buggers thanks to their attack in another town. I had to wonder if there was something I could do about that.
Poison grain reserve maybe? Luna could make a royal order that every major city in Equestria to have an emergency food storage area in case one town faced a disaster and needed something to get them through Winter.
Then there was…what?
Winter hadn’t even come yet, and from what I remembered, the Running of the Leaves wasn’t until the start of Winter so…was Rainbow Dash supposed to do her Rainboom next? I really didn’t want to do anything to fuck that incident up, so it was probably best to stay away from it.
The same went for Pinkie and Twilight’s theological argument about her Pinkie Sense, and then there was…Rarity.
Okay, I didn’t see much danger when it came to seeing Rarity make her dresses for the girls. If anything, any interference there could only be a good thing if I showed up and told her to get some sleep.
But the more I thought about things, the more my old fears returned. Sure, I would try and mitigate the damages and all that, but…what if I really screwed something up? Something big.
Like…what if Twilight didn’t become an alicorn because I kept poking at the path the ponies were supposed to travel?
What if Equestria Girls didn’t happen?
What if I intercepted Sunset Shimmer the night she was due back and go her to make up with Celestia instead of having to live in exile for the rest of her life?
…
…
…
Okay, maybe that last one wasn’t so bad.
But if I was going to start doing something about all the crap that was about to go down, then I needed to start making some plans.
And maybe find a certain journal with a red and gold sun on the cover.