//------------------------------// // Thief in training. // Story: Planet Express's Package Pony // by MrAquino //------------------------------// It was another wonderful day at New New York; Bender and Derpy were spending time together in the park. Leela was busy with finding a date, Fry fixed up the apartment, Amy went to visit her parents on Mars, Hermes had important files to organize, Professor Farnworth was busy with another experiment, and Zoidberg... he was doing whatever he does, leaving Bender to watch over the filly. He hated watching over Derpy: she was too adorable for his sensors, was a child, tore him to pieces after showing them the closet, and she was almost of a goody little two shoes... or was it four hooves? Bender only sighed to himself, taking another bottle of beer to drink. "Bender?" Derpy asked "What?" Bender replied with annoyance "Can we get something to eat?" "No!" "But I'm hungry!" "Well too bad! I'm outta money." "Can't you get some?" "Money doesn't grow on trees, idiot." "I know that, but can't you get more from someone else?" Bender froze "Are you suggesting we get money from the Don-Bot?" "The Don-Bot? No, I meant from all these jerks." "Hey, begging isn't my- OH!!! I can't do that here: too many eyes will be on me!" "Allow me." Derpy walked ahead, jumping onto a bench, then jumping into a trashcan. "Uh... what are you-?" Derpy'y head popped up from the trashcan; her mane was messy and she was covered in filth. "Who should we target first?" "What?" "Bender, I'm helping you get money to feed me! I'm a distraction!" "... I gotta take a note on this!" Bender pulled out a notepad with a pencil & wrote down. "And if you really want to learn this, let's start with that couple over there." Bender pointed out an average looking couple having wine together. "This is quite the wine you have, Jack." The woman "Of course, Jill," Jack replied "I'm certain that our children will thrive in the future." "Is it wise to take all of our life's savings with us?" "Oh please, we're in a park, nothing can steal from us." At that moment, they heard small, whining noise from a bush. "What was that?" "Sounds like a baby." They both got up and looked through a bush, gasping at what was a small, grey pegasus thing covered in filth, shivering. The pegasus turned to the couple and froze in fear, shaking really fast. "Aw, what's a cutie like you doing out here?" Jill reached for the pegasus, only for it to back up and whimper even more. "Pwease," it begged "Don't huwt me!" "It can talk!?" Jack asked in surprise. Derpy watched behind the suckers as Bender took everything inside the basket, looking around like an owl as he did it. He held up an 'ok' sign and ran away. Derpy took this as her chance to escape the suckers! She turned around and ran away from the suckers! "Wait!" The sucker woman yelled "Come back!" "You're adorable and need help!!!" The sucker man yelled. Derpy ran as fast as her hooves could carry her. Bender, being a robot, sat on a bench and waited for Derpy with his chestplate open. Derpy leaped into Bender's chest, and Bender closed it as the couple stopped next to him. "Have you seen an adorable pegasus around here?" "She's small, filthy, and might need help." "Eh, I think the Pound caught her already." Bender replied as he took another drink of beer. The couple ran ahead. Derpy opened the chest, popping her head out with a wet mane. "What did they have on them?" Derpy asked. Bender pulled out a large wad of cash, followed by a whistle. "500 thousand bucks!!! And plans for some toy called 'Tickle me Enders'." "ECH!!! That sounds awful!" "It sounds like crap, but what if we can add a more... personal touch to it?" "...Tickle me benders?" "And Tickle me Derpys!" Derpy jumped out as Bender took another drink of beer. "So how was it like making them suckers?" "It was... different. I can't I'm happpy with myself... nor angry with myself." "Eh, don't think about it. They were jerks who would become richer jerks. In fact, I think I see a rich jerk ahead! Let's see what we can take off of him, then I promise I'll get you the most delicious muffin ever!" "I'm on it!" Derpy jumped into the trash can again, but came out with pieces of trash on her including a torn up scarf. Derpy walked ahead to the super rich man (as told by his monocle, top hat, suit, and chariot looking ship). The man looked down at her, not gasping, but one of his eyebrows rose up. "I say," he said in an English accent "what type of animal are you?" Derpy coughed. "Pwease sir, can have something to eat? Or at least, some money to buy myself something to eat?" The rich jerk thoguht to himself, looking into his car. "Well, I've never seen any species like you before, and I'm certain there's no law that's stopping me from doing this." He pulled out a musket shaped tranquilizer gun and aimed it at Derpy "You're worth billions alive, and I might as well-" Before he could finish, Derpy pulled out a smaller Tranquilizer gun and fired right in-between the jerk's eyes. The jerk groggily fell to the floor, snoring. Bender came next to Derpy and whistled. "Nice defense!" He commented "And we can steal this car from him! Where'd you get the dart gun anyways?" "The trashcan." Derpy replied. "Trashcan, eh? Never though of that." The rich jerk groaned, most likely waking up from sleeping. Bender reached into his chest to find something. "Hey! Where's my tranquilizer! I just had it a few-" Derpy fired at the rich jerk again, followed by an evil laugh. Bender looked down. "Wait a minute! That's MY tranquilizer! You stole it!!!" Derpy laughed at him, then stopped. "Oh wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder!!!" She laughed harder. Bender clenched his hand into a fist, but stopped as, what Derpy did, was something he did. His anger quickly went away and was turned to pride, as he bend down and picked up Derpy, caressing her mane. "Oh, you made Bedner proud!" "So are we going to take this jerk's car, uncle?" Bender gasped. "You called me 'Uncle'!?" "Sure, but what are we going to do with this jerk's car?" Bender laughed as they entered the car, turning it on. "Well Derpy, let me teach you a thing called 'pawning'." Bender drove the rich jerk's car away to the nearest pawnshop as Derpy listened & bopped her head to the music as they drove away.