Not fully awake, Tarnished Teapot looked at the now charged thaumaton reader. Maud had already been taking measurements, but Tarnish had only picked it up to understand how it worked. It was a sensitive device and could not be used when held in a telekinetic field, it had to be held in the fetlock, or else a false reading might happen.
The display had one hundred tiny bars. The first bar was clear, it meant that there was magic present, but not enough to do much of anything. Then came thirty three green bars. Anything falling within this range was harmless, this was the acceptable range of background magical radiation. Any reading that measured in the green was good. After the green bars, there were thirty three yellow bars. The yellow range indicated danger, or even potential death. At the twenty second yellow bar, there was a tiny skull and crossbones icon, indicating fatal levels. At the far end, there were the red bars. Tarnish realised that the device made no sense.
“Hey Maud, this device is stupid… how is a pony supposed to measure a reading in the red if that kind of magical exposure kills them?” Tarnish asked.
Lifting her head, Maud looked up from her notebook. “Um, Tarnish, you or I could get a red reading from something and live. There could be others like us as well.”
“Oh.” Tarnish blinked and looked down at the device. “Yeah… right. Sorry about that.”
Sighing, Maud batted her long, heavy eyelashes at Tarnish and then returned to her notebook, saying nothing, but giving a slight shake of her head.
Setting the thaumaton reader down, Tarnish looked at the field manual for it. It was at least two inches thick, hardbound, and seemed impractical as a field manual. Oversized, bulky, and heavy. He supposed that the reader might be more complex than it appeared, perhaps there was more to it than just reading which bar the reading lit up.
Picking up the manual, he began to look through it, seeing page after page of gobbledygook that he had no hope of understanding. The back half of the book however, had listings of acceptable readings for a variety of objects, things, and even animals. Flipping to the ‘A’ section, Tarnish heaved a sigh of disappointment. There was no listing for alicorns. There were, however, acceptable readings for aardvarks. The common aardvark should measure one bar, the bar with no colour, but exceptional varieties might score as high as two green bars. With a reading any higher, it was recommended to consult a biologist and await further instructions while relocating to a safe, secure area that had been aardvark proofed.
“Maud, how does one take a reading from animals?” Tarnish asked.
This time, Maud did not look up from her book. “You have to use the probe attachment.”
“What?” Tarnish blinked and felt a prickle in his dock. He didn’t like the sound of that.
“Touching it to the skin isn’t enough. You need to get an inside reading. The probe attachment must be connected to the reader and then the probe must be inserted into an orifice, like the rectum.” Maud paused. “I could get a reading from you if you’d like.”
“No!” Tarnish shook his head. “No, that’s okay. I’m not that curious.”
Overhead, Tarnish could make out a flying shape. He had to squint to see it in the late afternoon sun. It looked to be pegasus sized, but Tarnish couldn’t quite make out what it was. It circled a few times, and then Tarnish realised that it was descending. It seemed they had a visitor. He looked down and checked his amulet. It was a somewhat darker shade of blue than it should be. He lifted his tea flask, pulled out the stopper, and took a few swallows of the fragrant, almost perfumy liquid.
“We have company,” Tarnish said as he jammed the stopper back on the flask. Tarnish had not a single clue that his constant sipping from his tea flask made it look as though he was an alcoholic, taking a little nip to take the edge off.
“That’s a griffon.” Maud closed her notebook and then stuffed it into a rucksack, along with her pen and some loose notes. “Tarnish, be ready, not everything in the wilds of Equestria is friendly.”
It wasn’t too hard to build up a full head of steam—all it took was thinking about Maud being swallowed or otherwise hurt and Tarnish was ready to cook something. Not that he wanted to cook anything, but he was sick of things interrupting his otherwise pleasant days.
He watched Maud rise to her hooves. He could see the muscles around her fetlocks twitching. He thought about what Maud had said, being an earth pony, she drew her strength from the ground. A griffon was a flying creature, which meant that if Maud got lifted, she might lose some of her strength. Tarnish didn’t know for sure, but he wasn’t about to find out, either. A fair distance away, the griffon landed on the edge of the narrow, winding river.
“Hullo!” The griffon extended a wing and waved. “I saw you from the air and I realised who you are… you don’t know me, but I know of you, Maud Pie.”
Tarnish saw Maud lean forwards a bit and then his eyes were back on the griffon. A tiny curl of steam rose from the tip of Tarnish’s horn. He saw Maud raise her hoof a little and give him a wave.
“How do you know me?” Maud asked.
“Doctor Maud Pie… I’ve read many of your papers… I mean neither of you any harm.” The griffon paused. “My name is Ortzi Goldbeak, I’m a geologist and surveyor. I’m a very gneiss griffon.”
Shaking her head, Maud let out a sigh. “Rock puns. The bedrock of all humour. How horrible.”
“Schist happens.” Tarnish raised his eyebrow.
“Oh no… not you, too.” Maud shook her head.
“We find ourselves in an odd slate of affairs from time to time,” Ortzi said as he folded in his wings and his feathers ruffled.
“There is nothing amusing about any of this.” Maud turned her head and raised her eyebrow at Tarnish.
“I shale not make any more puns.” Tarnish, unable to look Maud in the eye, looked down at the ground. He didn’t see Maud rolling her eyes at him.
“I gravel before your mastery of puns.” The griffon bowed his head. “Would you mind if I made a quarry?”
Tarnish, feeling witty, gave the griffon a nod. “That was a clastic. My name is Tarnished Teapot.”
“If somepony makes one more geology pun, I’m going to barium.” Maud stared at Tarnish for a moment and then at the griffon.
“These puns are giving me an apatite. Do you mind if I camp with you and fish some salmon out of the river?” Ortzi asked, ignoring Maud’s threat of pun-ishment.
“I think that last pun just fluorite over my head.” Tarnish grinned. This was great. “I’m no geologist, but I’m hung like a horst.”
“Both of you are awful.” Maud turned and squinted at Tarnish for a moment, and then looked at the griffon. “You are welcome to stay… just no more puns.”
“So where are you headed?” Tarnish asked as the fire began to crackle. He and Maud had made plans to travel tonight, but those plans were delayed, with the possibility of being cast aside.
“Heading north, to Old Smokey and the Smokey Mountains.” Ortzi looked down at the fire, wishing that there was a bed of hot coals. There were two fat salmon ready to be cooked. “What about you two?”
“We’re heading to the Crack of Doom,” Maud replied. “Research.”
The griffon sat down on a flat, smooth rock beside the fire. “The Crack of Doom is a dangerous place.” The griffon, now settled on his rock, looked at his new companions. “There’s a dragon in the area. I don’t know what is going on, but I avoided it. A passing pony told me that the dragon seemed to be looking for something.”
“How would a pony know if a dragon was looking for something?” Tarnish asked as he tilted his head off to one side. Tarnish saw the brown and tan griffon shrug. “I wonder what a dragon would be looking for?”
“So how did you know it was me?” Maud asked, ignoring Tarnish’s question.
Ortzi’s eyes went wide as he turned to look at Maud. “Well, plain grey earth pony, usually wears a smock, you are a distinctive pony.”
“Huh.” Maud looked down into the fire and the flames glimmered in her eyes.
“You’re kinda famous,” the griffon said in a low voice.
“Bother.” Maud heaved a sigh.
With an impatient peep, Ortzi placed his fish over the fire. He had them skewered on wooden sticks, and there were wooden sticks with ‘Y’ shaped ends stabbed into the ground around the fire, together, everything formed a crude, but functional spit to cook fish over the coals.
“Wait…” Maud looked at the griffon. “Why would there be another pony here? This place is dangerous. This isn’t a place one goes unless there is a good reason to be here.”
Ortzi nodded. “The pony I met is named ‘Feather Quill.’ Scientist type, earth pony, not certain what he is doing here. Nice enough, but he didn’t trust me very much.” The griffon’s head tilted to one side as he studied both Tarnish and Maud. “I’m guessing that the two of you can handle yourself, hence the trust. Ponies that can’t do much to defend themselves tend to shy away from me.”
“That makes sense.” Maud looked at her husband and then at the griffon. “So tell me, how did you get into geology…”