//------------------------------// // Chapter 1: In Which We Meet a Very Spoiled Brat // Story: The Unbefuddling of Dudley Dursley // by No One and Nobody //------------------------------// Chapter 1: In Which We Meet a Very Spoiled Brat Dudley awoke to his favorite smell in the morning, sizzling bacon and poached eggs. He rolled over in his comfy bed and grunted. I hate Fridays. He thought to himself. Well, if I can't sleep, neither can Harry. With this one semi-happy thought in mind, Dudley rolled out of bed and put on his clothes. As he ambled down the hallway he considered pounding on the wall and jumping up and down on the stairs to wake up Harry. But that would probably make his mother mad. Well too bad for her. If she wants Harry to wake up I'll do it for her my way. Dudley came to the stairs and jumped up and down on them while slapping the wall with the flat of his hand and yelling, "WAKE UP POTTER! WAKE UP!" "I'm already awake," said Harry from the bottom of the stairs. This made Dudley angry. The one reason I got up and he spoiled it. Stupid Potter! Dudley pushed past Harry and ran into the kitchen. His father sat at the table reading the morning post while his mother cooked the meal. The smell of fresh bacon and the sound of sizzling grease automatically dictated to Dudley the first words out of his mouth. "I'M HUNGRY!" he yelled as he sat down at the table and banged his fork and knife on the tabletop. "It'll be ready in a minute," said Vernon, Dudley's father. Then, glaring at Harry as he came into the kitchen, he said, "Well boy, are you going to get the food or not?" Dudley spun around in his chair, eager for some sport. "Yeah Potter, I'm starving!" Harry nodded and walked over to get the plates out of the cupboard and get some breakfast for Dudley and his father. Dudley sat there impatiently waiting for his food. He wasn't really that hungry. But since he had made such a big deal about it he decided he would just have to make himself be that hungry. When Harry brought back their filled plates he started stuffing his face with crisp bacon and fluffy eggs. "So what's on your plate this afternoon?" asked Vernon, leaning forward in his chair to listen to what Dudley had to say. Can't he see that I'm eating? Dudley looked up at his father, his cheeks full of half-chewed food, and said, "I'll probably head over to my friend's house to study." It was a lie. Dudley hardly ever studied. He was smart enough that he could usually get away with it, not that he even cared about his grades. After all, he could always complain that it was the school's fault, or better yet... Harry's. He was actually going to his friend's house to play video games. That'll show him for asking me when I'm eating. "That's my boy," said Vernon, smiling proudly. "Our little genius," said his mother, "But honey, don't you think you think you should take a break? After all, too much studying is just as bad as too little." "Mum, can't you see I'm eating?" said Dudley with his mouth full. "Let the boy finish his breakfast," said Vernon, returning to his paper as he stirred his coffee. "Sorry dear," said his mother, then she snapped up a wooden spoon and rapped the stove inches away from Harry, who had been trying to get himself some eggs. "Wait your turn!" She said angrily, as Harry withdrew his hand quickly and stared at her. "I was going to set your place first," he said, holding up two more plates. "Set my plate down," she said, scooping egg onto it, "You can serve yourself." Taking her plate, Dudley's mother swept over to the table and sat down, gazing fondly at her son. But Dudley wasn't paying attention. He was keeping an eye on Harry. While he never let on about it, he had always been a little wary of Potter and now that he'd been attending this creepy magic school he's been getting bolder. Harry could receive magic letters by owl, he could give Dudley a pig's tail if he wanted and Dudley had even wondered if maybe Harry went flying around on a broomstick like the witches he had read about. He would push Harry around, but he always made sure he kept him in sight. When the bus came to pick him up Dudley found his friends and sat down with them. His friends were a rowdy bunch. They cracked jokes and made fun of their favorite subject, other students, with Dudley at the lead. This was his element. He loved pointing out others' flaws. For him it was almost as easy as ignoring his own. You'd think they'd at least try to hide them from me. Of course, even if they did, I'd be able to see right through them. At their next stop Dudley pointed out a girl with braces who liked smiling a little too much, two kids with funny hairdos and a little baby that had dropped its toy out of its perambulator outside the bus. At their last stop though, a new girl got on. Must have just moved in, said Dudley to himself as he looked at her. She had on a sky-blue shirt with streamers and balloons on it like a party with the caption, Gonna Pinkie all day.... As she sat down several of Dudley's buddies snickered. On the back of her shirt was some stupid pink creature fast asleep on a frilly pillow with the caption and Smile all night. Dudley didn't know what to make of it. Usually kids her age, even the girls, would have cool stuff on their shirts, unless they were nerds, not this dump pink creature that looked like it was out of a cartoon for babies. "Did you see that?" said one of his friends, nudging him and pointing smugly in the girl's direction. Dudley nodded but didn't say anything. He didn't know what to make of it. The girl didn't look weird; the only odd thing about her was her shirt. His friends quickly lost interest in her though, as she was apparently oblivious to their comments and raucous laughter. Dudley turned his attention to the school as the bus rolled up. He and his buddies got off and headed to their first class. Just my luck. Thought Dudley as he sat down. The girl with the dumb shirt had come in and was sitting right behind him. Halfway through class, while Dudley was playing with his pencil and daydreaming about nothing in particular, he accidentally lost his grip and it fell to the ground. He tried to get it but it was just out of his reach and getting up from his desk was the last thing Dudley's wanted to do. He could feel the eyes of one of his friends to his left staring at him, and Dudley wasn't about to make himself an easy target. "Here you go," said the girl behind him, picking it up and handing it to him. Dudley took it from her without responding and continued playing with it. When class was over he decided to put things in their place and make a statement to this girl. Turning around he said, "Nice shirt..." "Thanks-" she started to say. "Did you steal it from your baby sister?" She raised an eyebrow and grinned, "Actually my older brother gave it to me for my birthday. He's on a tour of duty right now but last month he got if for me and now we have matching shirts. He's actually the one who got me interested in the show in the first place." "What show?" "The current generation of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic." Dudley snorted and his friends snickered from the other side of the room where they were watching him. "Then your brother's an idiot!" he said flicking his pencil into the air as he left the room. "See you later," she called happily after him. "What was all that about?" asked one of his cronies. "What a fruit cake." Dudley scowled. He was angry. Not because that girl liked such an stupid show. No, he was angry because she hadn't gotten angry at him; she hadn't gotten scared or wimpy like he expected. Harry knew. Almost everyone at school knew to be scared of him. But not this girl. I don't ever want to sit near that girl again. As luck would have it Dudley didn't even have the girl in any of his other classes. He sat there, barely paying any attention to his instructors as he thought about her. The more he thought about how nice she had been, the more it ticked him off. Almost unconsciously, ponies took on a hated position in his mind. When class was over he headed to the library to fiddle around on the internet. He liked the internet, it was filled with lots of funny stuff, but he loved the memes of people doing stupid things best of all. He put captioned pictures of people doing stupid stuff into the search bar and sat back, scrolling through the list until he came to a picture of a guy carrying a horse on his back. The caption said Take a horse, they said. It will be much faster, they said. On a whim Dudley went back up to the top of the page and put dumb ponies into the search bar. The next thing that came up were exactly what he had been expecting, dump rainbow-colored ponies with stupid expressions. Some were animated GIFs with the ponies bouncing up and down like possessed stuffed animals. He closed that page and went to a forum where some people he knew hung out. They all liked the same kinds of things and talked about video games, movies, music and their lame parents. After some rude jabs someone made about their father, Dudley typed something into the chat box and hit enter. Ponys are stpid He waited for the usual response of 'totally!', 'duh!', and 'lol' from his friends. Ponys? Horse? No ponys you *$#%! Luv and tolerance 4 u man. PINKIE PIE IS BEST PONY!!! /)^3^(\ BROHOOF MAN /)(\ 20% COOLER!!! Dudley stared in shock at the screen as the comments became more and more unreadable. What was a brohoof? Who or what was a Pinkie Pie and what kind of emoticons were those? An argument started between several people on the site about the 'doctor's best assistant/shipping' and Dudley signed off with a scowl. What's going on here? Is the whole world going nuts?! Dudley headed to his friend's house to drown his anger by blasting holes in virtual players. When Dudley got home that night, it was late. His parents never paid that much attention to when he got home. They weren't worried about him; he was their big, strong boy. Dudley walked up the stairs to his room, making sure to stamp loudly on the step right over Harry's head. As Dudley walked past his parents' room he heard them snoring like a set of broken accordions. His father had a deep bass grunt, and his mother had a whiny, wheezy tone. He rolled his eyes and walked into his room. Shutting the door, he placed his small backpack on the ground and got on his computer. Opening his browser he checked his email and then started watching some funny clips on youtube. He never noticed how late it had gotten but after a while he found himself leaning towards the screen and his eyes began to feel heavy. One more video and then I'm going to bed. He clicked on the next video and froze. In the corner off the screen with the rest of the suggested videos was a video with a stupid pony in it. He hit the full screen and watched the funny clip while trying to forget the stupid video on the side. When the clip was over he sat there staring at his screen. He didn't want to exit out of full screen because then he would have to see the stupid pony video and he was getting tired of it all. I'm not going to watch a stupid cartoon for babies! He blinked, rubbed his eyes with one hand and yawned. Then he exited the full screen and his cursor went up to the exit button for the browser. What if there's something to it? His cursor hovered over the exit button as he looked at the stupid pony video, his tired mind coming up with some kind of excuse to partake in this obviously forbidden fruit. It's stupid! Then you can make fun of it... It's for little girls!!! All the more reason to make fun of it... His cursor moved off the exit button and towards the video as he said to himself, One more video and then I'm definitely going to bed. He clicked on the link and a blue screen appeared with the words My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. He groaned inwardly. Then came a bright pink screen with the words Pinkie Pie's Smile Song! *In Pinkie-Tastic* HD He felt his face begin to curl into a sneer- Suddenly the screen was overflowing with a bright, happy, cheerful pink creature singing its way through the streets of some country style town. Dudley's sneer started to fade to be replaced with a look of blank confusion. The pony's voice wasn't annoying... The song was bouncy and catchy... The animation was colorful and simplistic but it was kind of... interesting...... My Little Pony: FIM - Pinkie Pie's Smile Song (In Pinkie-Tastic HD) Suddenly all the ponies were singing, jumping on the rooftops and dancing in the streets as the music built to a crescendo. The video ended with Smile Everyone!!! ^_^ and Dudley sat there staring at the screen his mind a tired, confused mess. That was... it was... I can't say nice! It-it was- In an effort to forget what he had just seen he moved his cursor almost automatically to another video on the side. Suddenly his screen was filled with the same pink pony, only this time there was something off about her. Her hair was flat and she was talking to a bucket of turnips, a pile of rocks, a sack of flour and a pile of lint about her friends. My Little Pony Friendship is Magic: Pinkie Pie Loses it. If Dudley had been confused a second before he was now twice as confused. He clicked on clip after clip, working his way through funny scenes and beautiful music, slowly learning about the characters. There was Pinkie Pie who was funny, hyper and perhaps just a little psycho. There was Twilight Sparkle who was capable of doing complex math in her head, Rainbow Dash who was apparently faster than Sonic, Applejack who was the classic American country cowgirl, Fluttershy who seemed to be able to out-cute anything from wild bears to giant dragons, and Rarity, who for some reason wasn't as annoying as he thought her character should be. After quite a while he realized what time it was and went to bed still trying to figure out what was going on. Am I going crazy too? He thought as he slowly fell asleep.