//------------------------------// // A Night to Remember // Story: Home is Where Your Curse is // by SFaccountant //------------------------------// Home is Where Your Curse is a My Little Pony/Ranma 0.5 crossover fanfiction by SFaccountant Chapter 3 A Night to Remember "I was joking before, but seriously: I have wings now. I have to stop flying without them." Ranma moped to himself as he trudged through the forest. He wasn't sure which forest it was, although he was pretty sure it wasn't that big, dark one he'd found Zecora in. He'd been limping along through the trees for hours, and not a single thing had tried to eat him so far. He guessed that he was heading away from Ponyville and Sweet Apple Acres, judging by the descent of the sun and the positioning of the new furrow he'd dug in the earth after landing. That was fine. He had a job to do, and he'd spent too long lingering in that place. Besides, it was probably a good idea for him to make himself scarce after being the focus of an explosion, a tornado, and a giant monster stomping all over one of the local farms. Only one of those things was really his fault, but in his experience the local villagers never seemed to want a nuanced and precise explanation of his circumstances in these situations. That did leave him wondering where he was supposed to go from here, though. He'd forgotten to give detailed descriptions of those unicorns to Twilight, so he didn't know if they were famous villains or ordinary citizens or what. He had no idea how he was supposed to find the ponies that had changed him beyond wandering from village to village and asking around, and the nearest village (and only one he was aware of) was off-limits for the moment. Ranma sighed and slumped against a tree. Then he looked up at the setting sun. It was almost night time, and even by his standards he'd had a rough day. Perhaps he'd just go to sleep early and come up with a better idea tomorrow. "Stupid unicorns," Ranma grumbled as he curled up his legs underneath him and closed his eyes. A breeze blasted through the forest, and he shuddered against the sudden chill. "Stupid MacGuffin Stone. Sure would be nice to have some CLOTHES right now!" A point of light flashed in the distance. Ranma's head jerked up, and his eyes went wide. Now that he had his eyes open and was looking around at his surroundings, he couldn't see the bright light that had just appeared. Obviously, that was rather the opposite of how light was supposed to work. "Okay... let's try that again," Ranma mumbled as he pushed himself to his hooves again. He closed his eyes, stretching out his awareness. Nothing happened. He furrowed his brow, keeping his eyes shut. "Huh... what was I doing before? I was going to go to sleep, and I was complaining about the unicorns and the MacGuff-" A light shined in the distance, perfectly clear and perceptible to Ranma despite him having his eyes closed and looking in the wrong direction. "Huh. That is WEIRD," Ranma mumbled as he turned toward the distant beacon. It didn't grow in intensity or anything when he stared directly at it. It was like the point of a compass sitting in his thoughts, giving him a direction and nothing else. Ranma opened his eyes and thought further on this development. "So I think I may have picked up a MacGuffin-sense. That's so convenient I don't really want to believe it." He placed a hoof to his chin. "I don't have any other leads, though. I may as well give it a shot." Then he slumped back onto the ground. "After a nap. I just took too many hits today. I'll catch up to those jerks later." A jaw-cracking yawn stretched his muzzle out as the transformed martial artist curled up onto the ground. "If I've got a way to track them down, then there's no hurry, right?" Ranma released a contented sigh. "... Well, they DO have a magic gem that might be powerful enough to destroy everything." He cracked an eye open. "I guess that's KIND of a problem. But how much of a mess could they cause, really?" He thought back to the MacGuffin Stone's last owner. A young and distinctly incompetent high school student who had deep affection for occult nonsense. He still wasn't sure what Gosunkugi had done, but at the very least the little twerp had accomplished one worthy villainous act with the gem: Gosunkugi had overcome him and sent him away to be trapped on another world. A terrible world full of painful magic, RPG monsters, and talking horses. "God damn it," Ranma groaned as he pushed himself up again, "I've really got to stop them before they cause some serious trouble." He briefly closed his eyes and thought of the MacGuffin Stone. The light immediately appeared in his vision, pointing him to the North. "Whatever. The sooner I get the rock back, the sooner I get my clothes back." He adjusted his heading and then took off at a trot. Princess Luna spread her wings wide, feeling the cool wind of the night rush through her feathers. The breeze sent a chill through her bones right into her spine, but the Princess of the Night welcomed the feeling. The nighttime breeze was like a comforting blanket wrapping around her, although she understood that it had the exact opposite effect upon most other ponies. Luna gazed up at the brightly glowing moon, a soft smile adorning her features while she reflected upon the night. Tiberius, her pet possum, nestled in the inky, star-speckled pool of her mane, sheltering from the cold. The rodent's beady eyes were directed down rather than up, fixed upon a snarling beast that wasn't enjoying its late evening stroll nearly as much as the Princess was. A chimera lay on the ground, its limbs entangled and pinned to the dirt with magical chains of gleaming ebony. Its two main heads snapped and thrashed uselessly, while the snake's head on its tail tugged desperately at various parts of the links to try to loosen them. The creature made quite a racket, but Luna pretended not to notice as she basked in the otherwise serene night. "Fine weather tonight, is it not, Tiberius?" Luna asked, closing her eyes against the breeze as she alighted upon a tree branch. The branch started to bend under her weight, but with a brief cantrip it was rigid as steel underneath her silver slippers. "See how the stars glimmer above, without obstruction? Like an ocean riddled with floating candles. 'Tis truly a balm for the soul." A ferocious roar came from beneath her, just barely loud enough to puncture Luna's mood of enchanted calm. She glared down at the chimera she had immobilized, giving it the same look she would have offered a troublemaking child or a guard who had been caught slacking off. "Do not complain to me, beast. This area is far outside your kind's hunting grounds. We will not allow you to menace our subjects. Begone back to your territory, or I shall render you comatose and dump you there like common refuse!" The chimera just seemed to struggle harder, and the black chains actually started to crack as it strained against its bonds. A weary-looking batpony guard grimaced as he hovered behind the Princess. "My liege, I don't think the animal is any mood to listen. Much like the last three. Your ultimatum is surely pointless." Luna frowned, and then shrugged. "Ah, well. It is good form nonetheless to proffer a voluntary resolution to these conflicts before resorting to force." Her horn started to glow, a ghastly blue light swirling about its fluting. "That's true. It's also a moot point, since you hit it with the binding spell before it even saw you," the guard grumbled, "incidentally, that's also preventing it from retreating as you asked." He couldn't tell whether Luna couldn't hear him or simply ignored him as she blasted the chimera with a magic beam, hammering it into the ground. A loud yelp came from the various heads of the creature before it was knocked unconscious, and a blast crater formed around it from the impact pressure. "Huzzah! Another beast felled! No longer will this ferocious malcontent trouble our subjects!" Luna cheered, rearing up on her branch in victory. Tiberius did a little victory dance on her neck, whipping his tail around and twisting back and forth. "Yes, Princess. Splendid," sighed the batpony, "not that this region is anywhere near any actual settlements or trade routes, but I suppose any bandits hiding out in this forest can rest a little easier." Luna jumped down from the tree she was standing on for dramatic effect, and then paused as she touched the ground. "Bandits, hmm? Do you suppose we might encounter some brigands as well as foul beasts this night?" "I doubt it, Princess. You've been quite free with the magical explosions, and raiders tend to be a skittish lot." The batpony landed next to the chimera and poked it with his hoof. "Hmph. More's the pity," Luna harumphed as she strode past the fallen monster, "dispose of that creature. Tiberius and I shall scout the area for any sign of..." Luna trailed off at the sound of a rustling bush, and the batpony jerked upright, his fangs bared and his ears twitching. "Who goes there?" Luna demanded imperiously, standing her ground. Tiberius scrambled up atop her head and peered into the gloom, as if Luna's crown were the crow's nest of a ship. The bushes continued rustling before an equine shape emerged from the darkness. The Lunar Guard, who could pick out details via echolocation better than he could with his vision, had pegged the newcomer as a unicorn stallion in a cloth cloak long before the pony had become visible with the moonlight. Once the pony did step out, however, he and Luna were able to discern other details. He wasn't of a particularly large build, and was somewhat older; in his 40's, perhaps. His fur was dark red, while his long, unkempt mane was an ashen white. A woolen cloak obscured most other details; they were unable to see his cutie mark. The stallion halted briefly once he was sure he was visible, and then he kneeled reverently in Luna's direction. "My Princess, I am honored to make your acquaintance," the stallion said. His voice contained an undercurrent of barely contained excitement; he was almost giddy, apparently. "My name is Rite. I heard your... exertions from nearby." He glanced over at the savaged chimera. Luna's disinterested expression softened into a warm smile. "Well met, Sir Rite! I am pleased to meet you on this most lovely of nights!" She beckoned above with a forehoof, and her hair and tail whipped about while they sparkled even brighter. "What business brings you to such a region as this? There are dangerous beasts about, and few interests of commercial nature, as I understand." Rite didn't rise from his kneeling pose, although he finally deigned to look the Princess in the eyes. "I am searching for and collecting strange oddities, my Princess. Rare ingredients, stones, and other assorted sundries that aid the crafts of wizards." Luna tilted her head to the side. "Ah, interesting. And what sorts of things would one find out here?" Rite chuckled lightly. "Oh, nothing much. I was merely traveling through this forest to my next scavenging grounds. Although I seem to have stumbled upon a treasure far more valuable than any mere crystal!" He slowly stood up, and his eyes gleamed as Luna made no protest. "I never, in my life, imagined that I would see an Equestrian Princess! Much less in such an... informal situation! I am truly blessed!" Luna chuckled and swept a hoof through her hair. "It is no great boon to offer an audience, truly. You flatter me, Sir Rite." Despite her protests of modesty, Luna was clearly preening under the attention. The batpony in escort narrowed his eyes at the unicorn. His blade was already in his hoof, one foreleg hidden behind the other, and his nerves were on a razor's edge. This stallion's banal fawning immediately reminded him of the empty courting of many of the Canterlot nobility and officials, who would take any opportunity to butter up anypony who might offer them a political advantage. Granted, it was not among a guard's duty to protect the Princesses from lavish praise and hollow compliments. But something else about this encounter seemed off. For one thing, the praise itself was unusual, as Luna was far less beloved and fawned-over than her sister, Celestia. The reasons were many, ranging from lingering resentment over that whole "attempting to overthrow the kingdom and establish eternal night" thing to fear that the dreamwalking Princess could infiltrate dreams and dig out lies and deception, but the simple (and somewhat depressing) truth was that Princess Luna didn't get a great amount of gushing attention. It wasn't even clear what kind of political leverage a pony would have if Luna DID greatly favor them, honestly. But besides his suspicion that nopony actually thought Luna was worth buttering up, this whole scenario just seemed sketchy. The unicorn wasn't nearly as surprised as he should be to find an Equestrian diarch taking a late night stroll in the middle of nowhere, and this encounter seemed impeccably scripted. Neither of those hunches really suggested nefarious intent, but the batpony soldier would be taking no chances. "Ah, wait! I know!" Rite paused in his fawning and levitated his saddlebags in front of him. "A gift! Yes, I should give you something as a token of this meeting! I'm sure I have something appropriate in here! A moment, please!" Luna tilted her head to the side as the unicorn started rifling through his bags. "Ah, we needn't trouble you so. Surely your duties are difficult enough without having to give away the fruits of your labors." "Not at all, Princess!" Rite said as his horn flickered, pulling a single, gleaming object from the bags. "I would consider it a favor from you if you were to accept tithe from me!" A radiant-cut gem floated from the bag and onto his upraised hoof. "Here. This jewel is a paltry thing to you, surely, but I would be honored if you would accept it." Luna raised an eyebrow at the gem, and her horn lit up to provide more light with which to view it. It had an unusual color, and she could detect faint traces of magic coming from within its core. Rite was correct, though, in that neither trait was very impressive or uncommon. Enchanted gems were about as hard to come by in Canterlot as pine cones were in this forest. Nonetheless, her attempt to refuse the gift had already been rebuffed, so she decided to be courteous and accept. But before she could open her mouth again, her escort stepped in front of her. "Hold on just a moment. Let me see that, first." The guard tried not to sound TOO hostile as he held out a hoof. But it didn't escape Rite's notice that there was an arrow-shaped blade mounted on the tip of his other foreleg. His smile became slightly cooler. "Is there a problem, Mister..." "Night Scythe," the batpony said, his eyes narrowing to slits, "and I don't know if there's a problem. Let me see the gem first, and I'll find out." Luna grimaced, rolling her eyes. "Is this truly necessary, Captain Scythe? It is merely a stone, after all." "No 'gifts' reach the Princesses without at least a cursory inspection. This is basic security," the Lunar Guard said. It wasn't obvious whether he was informing the unicorn or the Princess. "Is there something wrong with that?" "No. No, of course not," Rite chuckled, his earlier levity returning. "You may inspect the SWAN SONG to your satisfaction, Mister Scythe." There was a long pause. Rite did not levitate the stone over to the batpony, and Night Scythe's eyebrow rose. "... Well? What's the matter?" "N-Nothing!" Rite coughed, and then he raised his voice as he continued. "But please, be very careful. The SWAN SONG is very delicate!" "It doesn't look very fragile to me, but fine," the guard grumbled, "hoof it over." Again, there was a silent pause. Rite made no move to give Night Scythe the gem. "Is there something amiss, Sir Rite?" Luna asked. "I, uh, just... want to make sure you know that the SWAN SO-" Night Scythe cut him off with a sharp growl. "I don't want to hear it! Give me the Swan Song now or leave!" "W-What? Oh! Sorry!" shouted a new voice from the side, along with more rustling bushes. Night Scythe heard the new voice, triangulated its exact position in an eye blink, and then became a blur of motion as his hair-trigger reflexes kicked into gear to bring him between his Princess and the potential threat. A throwing knife zipped into the darkness toward the newcomer, only to clash against a magic grid barrier. "What? Is it an ambush?" Luna demanded, her eyes narrowing as she turned her head toward the new voice. Her horn sparked dangerously, ready to bring nigh-unfathomable power to bear against a potential threat. Rite almost casually tossed the MacGuffin Stone toward the lunar Princess, and his smile returned full force as the gem touched against her chest, just beneath her ebony peytral. It stuck against her coat instantly, and a blazing light erupted from the stone as Luna's horn went dark. "Wh-What?" Luna staggered, her eyes wide as she glanced down at the jewel now adhering to her. "What is this?" Tiberius squeaked in fright, his eyes wide as his mistress quivered. Night Scythe whirled around, and he clenched his teeth as he spotted the suspicious gem stuck against his charge. "Princess! Get away from that thing! I will-" "POLYMORPH!" Swan Song shouted as she bounded into the clearing, her horn ablaze. "Gugh!" the batpony's eyes widened as he was surrounded by a bright yellow aura. "No! Moon curse you, you squeak!" The guard's protests turned into a high-pitched squeal as his body rapidly shrunk. Soon the batpony was replaced with a mundane bat, and the tiny winged creature screeched angrily as his own Lunar Guard helmet collapsed on top of him and trapped him against the ground. "Ha ha! Another victory for the forces of evil over the Equestrian military!" Swan Song chirped happily, jumping on the helmet and digging its edges into the ground to trap the transformed guard more firmly. "Seriously, sometimes I wonder why they even pay you guys." Rite groaned. "Swan Song, we are NOT villains. Stop referring to us as evil." "You... You fiends!" Luna snarled, apparently disagreeing with his assertion. She pushed her leg against the MacGuffin Stone to try to brush it off, and then yelped as she merely found the leg stuck to the gem as well. She quickly adjusted her stance so that she could remain standing. "The Swan Song! It is stuck fast! What manner of witchcraft is this?!" Swan Song blinked. "I'm stuck what, now?" "No, no, that was just a ruse," Rite explained calmly as he sat and watched the Princess struggle, "Swan Song is the name of my assistant, here, whom I was attempting to summon to the field. The gem is called the MacGuffin Stone." Luna stopped struggling, and she scrunched up her muzzle as she glared down at the gem in her fur. Tiberius had crawled down and was trying to help pry it off, with absolutely no success. "... I liked its false name better." "Yes, it's a common complaint," Rite drawled. Then he narrowed his eyes at Swan Song. "Speaking of which, how come you only responded when the GUARD said your name? Did you doze off again?" Swan Song chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of her head with a hoof. "Sorry... I guess I'm kind of used to tuning out your voice when I'm napping." The sound of large wings shifting through the wind caused the unicorns to turn their attention back to the Princess, who had taken flight away from them. "Oh, NO you don't!" Swan shouted, her horn flaring again. Luna yelped as a dark sphere of gravity magic reached her, immediately increasing her weight past any possibility of flight. She plummeted to the ground and collapsed onto her side painfully, unable to land properly on only three legs. "You must excuse my little intern, here," Rite said as he walked up to Luna, "she veers wildly from vapid airheadedness to hyper-competence. It's as jarring to me as anypony else, I assure you." "Who are you?!" Luna demanded. Her horn flickered unsteadily as she tried to use her magic, but every time she tried she would just feel the mana seep away into the MacGuffin Stone pinned to her chest and foreleg. "What do you want?!" "I am SO glad you asked!" Swan Song said, brightening considerably. "You see, Mister Rite-" The unicorn mare suddenly found her jaw held shut by an aura of white magic, preventing her from speaking further. "See what I mean?" Rite sighed. "You don't need to know my plan, Princess Luna. In addition, I wish to express regret that you had to be involved in it like this." "What?" This genuinely confused Luna. Why would an attacker regret overcoming her? "My quarrel is with your sister, Princess. Not you. Circumstances have unfolded such that you have become a component of my master plan, but I have no ill will toward any other alicorn. In time, after my efforts have come to fruition, I hope to release you, unharmed, from the prison of the MacGuffin Stone." He couldn't help but smirk as the night-blue pony stared up at him. "Albeit, the world will be quite a... different place, when you awaken. But then, you already have more experience with that than most." Luna's eyebrow twitched as Swan Song giggled. "Who ARE you, ruffian?! What is your vendetta with Sister?!" Rite shook his head. "You can ask her that when you are free once more, Princess Luna... if she's still around by then, that is." Luna's eyes widened. She looked down at the MacGuffin Stone, which had started to emit a high-pitched keening sound. Tiberius was beating his tiny fists against it helplessly, and little tears came from the possum's eyes as he stared up at his mistress helplessly. "... Mark my words, as Princess of the Night and diarch of Equestria," Luna hissed, glowering up at Rite, "you three shall not get away with this! Your deceptions shall be exposed, and your machinations ruined! Harmony will prevail!" Rite chuckled, tilting his head to the side. "Oh, Princess! Not all Celestia's foe's are enemies of Har..." he trailed off, blinking. "Wait... three?" Rite and Swan Song glanced at each other in confusion. Then, very slowly, they turned their heads to look behind them. "Konbanwa, JACKASS," Ranma said, glowering at the pair. For several seconds, the keening wail of the MacGuffin Stone and the angry, muffled screeching of the guard bat were the only sounds in the area. The two unicorns stared at the pigtailed pony, dumbfounded. Luna was likewise quite confused. Rite raised a hoof. "Um." He got no further in that sentence before Ranma's hoof slammed into the side of his head, sending him spiraling away into the air. The stallion yelped painfully as he struck a tree, bouncing off in a burst of shattered bark and landing on the ground in a heap. "IT'S THE SEXY MUTANT APE!!" Swan Song shrieked, jumping back as her horn lit up. "Flare beam!" She charged a magic attack, and then her horn fired a screaming lance of hot yellow power. That lance shot up into the sky, cutting uselessly through the tree branches. Swan Song whimpered, and her pupils shrank to pinpricks. Ranma was standing right in front of her, his hoof pressed against her chin to tilt her head up at an angle and keep her horn aimed away from him. His touch was feather-light, but she knew what kind of power was behind that leg. The only reason she still had teeth was because the pigtailed stallion had decided she could keep them. "You might be wondering why I haven't smashed your stupid horn right off your head by now," the pigtailed pony said tightly. Swan Song whimpered again. "See, I've got this policy against hitting girls. But that only applies to human girls. I'm not really sure if it's okay for me to hit mares or not. You can help me out with deciding that." "That sounds GREAT! I love to help!" Swan quivered as droplets of sweat rolled down her forehead. "And have I mentioned that stallions who have perfectly legitimate reasons to hurt me but don't are totally my type?" "Don't care," Ranma grunted, "now you-" "I beg your pardon!" Luna suddenly shouted, cutting Ranma off. He blinked, and then looked over at the dark-furred alicorn lying on the forest floor. She looked quite distressed, and it wasn't hard to see why. "As much as I am enjoying this outbreak of hostility against these ruffians," Luna said uncertainly as she struggled to get upright again, "I must plead for immediate assistance! This gem-" "Yeah, okay. The MacGuffin Stone is absorbing you or something, right? Got it," Ranma said, shoving Swan Song away. His eyes narrowed as he approached the Princess, focusing on the jewel attached to her. "Stay still." "I... uh..." Luna felt nervous as the gray stallion tensed, but reasoned that she really had no better options than to do as he said and hoped things worked out. Ranma's hoof lashed out like a lightning bolt, striking the MacGuffin stone in a flash of icy blue light. Luna muffled a scream as the MacGuffin Stone was ripped from her body, feeling as if her flesh had been torn off along with it. A cursory inspection of the spot revealed no wound - the gem hadn't even taken off any of her fur - yet the pain lingered and the Princess gasped. "All right, so it doesn't just stick to anybody it touches. Good!" Ranma's tone sounded more cheerful as he approached the artifact lying on the ground. "So now I can even get my clothes after I get turned back to-" Ranma dodged out of the way of a glimmering white magic bolt, lurching to the side out of pure reflex as the magic missile screamed past. Either because of the mounting fatigue or mere bad luck, however, the next magic projectile struck home, and Ranma was thrown face-first into the dirt next to the gemstone. "Swan Song!" Rite called, pausing to wipe some blood off his lip while his horn glimmered in the darkness. "Neutralize him!" "On it!" the unicorn mare grit her teeth as her horn flashed again. "Prism stunner!" Ranma grunted while he was enveloped by an aura of sparking, multi-colored mana, and he quickly slammed his hoof down onto the MacGuffin stone. "Don't think I'm going to let you jerks-" He vanished mid-sentence, winking out of sight along with the ancient gemstone. Rite's jaw slowly fell open as he stared at the empty spot of scuffed dirt where the annoying stallion had been a moment ago. "You... You TELEPORTED him? Why?!" Swan Song looked even more stunned than he did. "What? No! That was a paralysis spell! I said stunner, right? I don't even KNOW teleport!" "Well, I do! That was definitely a teleport! A long one, too! He could be anywhere! And he has the MacGuffin Stone!" Rite shouted. The unicorn stallion limped toward his subordinate, his expression wavering between horror and fury. "I'm sorry! I don't even know what happened!" Swan cried, her ears pinning down against the sides of her head. "The MacGuffin Stone is the key to all our plans! And now that clueless MONKEY has it!" Rite growled, slapping a hoof against his face. "This can't possibly get any worse!" A pulse of magic washed over the two unicorns from behind, leaving a deep chill in their bones. "... Oh. Right," the crimson stallion sighed, turning his head around. Luna had her wings spread wide above her, and her eyes had turned to windows of pale white light as waves of malevolent energy rolled through the air. Tiberius stood behind her horn with his beady eyes narrowed at the two unicorns and his arms crossed over his chest. The Princess spoke no words, but the expression of cold fury on her face said plenty. Rite was also guessing that she was still recovering from being almost captured by the MacGuffin Stone, as that was the only logical explanation for why he and Swan hadn't been blasted or otherwise subdued yet. "Okay, yeah, we're done here. Goodbye, Princess." His horn flashed, and both he and Swan Song vanished exactly as Ranma had. Luna felt her rage peak as the unicorns escaped, disappearing in a flare of magic before she could establish any countermeasures to cut off a local teleport. The flow of mana to her horn was still sluggish, like a river of syrup, but it was rapidly returning to normal. "Blast! Vile sorcerers!" she cursed as her feathers ruffled. Tiberius squeaked in angry sympathy. "I must warn Sister at once! There is an assassin that seeks her downfall!" Luna snorted as she prepared to take flight, making sure that the gravity spell had worn off as well. "Although it may well be that their plan has been ruined beyond hope of recovery. That mysterious stallion has seen to that." The Lunar Princess hesitated in her takeoff pose, thinking back on the pony that had rescued her. He had given no name, and although the unicorns had clearly recognized him, the only designators they had uttered were "sexy mutated ape" and "monkey". She didn't really understand how anypony could confuse the stallion for a simian - mutant or otherwise - but she could easily agree that he had cut quite a dashing figure. The lithe, steely muscle of his form. The long, exotic manestyle. The gleaming, crystal-blue eyes. And those were merely aspects of his mundane appearance. The way he moved, with a fluid agility and stunning speed, spoke of a quiet strength that intrigued and somewhat thrilled her. He had appeared from nowhere, like a stalking predator, and overcome the treacherous warlock and his lackey in an instant. And then, with a surprisingly precise application of brute force, he had saved her from the MacGuffin Stone as easily as he had laid low the villains. A dark flush spread over her cheeks, although between her night-blue fur and the dim light it would have been impossible for an observer to tell. Even the stallion's cutie mark, which she had recognized as the symbol for chaos and disorder, sent an excited quiver through her heart. He seemed so wild and mysterious, so powerful and heroic... granted, she had only known him for maybe a minute before he had been magically dislocated, but he had left a formidable impression in that short time. It took a few seconds for the Princess of the Night to bring herself back to her senses. Tiberius was hanging from her horn by his tail and waving his paws in front of her eyes to get her attention. She then realized that she had stood frozen in her "takeoff pose" while her thoughts wandered, perhaps for several minutes. She was starting to get a cramp. "Ah! Right! We must depart at once for home!" Luna declared. She tossed her head to the side, swinging Tiberius around and back onto her crown. "I must make all haste to inquire as to the identity of this mysterious earth pony, and discover his whereabouts!" She vaulted into the air with a flap of her wings, quickly rising above the treetops. "... Oh, and those unicorns, too," she mumbled as an afterthought. Luna was still distracted enough that didn't pay any further attention to Tiberius, who was tugging lightly on her mane and pointing back toward the ground. The Princess rose higher and then soared over the forest, making a beeline straight for Canterlot. On the ground below, sitting in a pile of loose armor, the transformed Lunar Guard let out an exasperated squeak. I really HATE my job... "Aaaaaargh!!" Rite screamed, his eyes flashing a bright red. Swan Song yelped and recoiled. The bandages that she had been magically wrapping around the stallion fell limp onto the floor, rolling away across the rough stonework tiling. "Sorry! Was it too tight?" Rite glared at his partner. His head already had stretches of gauze wrapped around it, and he had a spell working within his jaws to set a loosened tooth back into place. His bruised foreleg was currently stretched out onto a wooden stool, and Swan had been in the middle of wrapping that as well. "No, Miss Song. I'm not worried about the blasted bandages," he hissed, trying to contain his mounting anger. Fear of pursuit and subsequent annihilation at the hoof of a furious alicorn Princess had fully occupied his thoughts as they made their way back to his tower, using a combination of teleports, painful walking, and decoy magics to shake off any potential pursuers. Now that they were safe, however, he'd had time to fully mull over the magnitude of their failure. "That... That..." Rite's horn sparked dangerously as he searched his vocabulary for a term strong enough to express his boiling fury. He couldn't find one. "That MONKEY has ruined everything! EVERYTHING! My entire plan is undone!" Swan's expression hardened. "No! Don't give up, Mister Rite! We're not out of the game yet!" "Not out of the game? 'The game' has changed from 'restore the solar cycle to its proper state and undermine the royal Equestrian family' to 'evade immediate capture and probably a lengthy prison sentences as a STATUE'! Princess Luna has escaped! She knows our faces and our names! Why, oh WHY didn't I use a blasted glamour or a false name?" he lamented. Swan thought about that. "Well, if I recall correctly, your reasons were that Princess Luna would have detected a glamour and you couldn't come up with a very good one, respectively." Then she shrugged. "And then we decided that it was pointless, since we weren't going to reveal ourselves as aggressors until victory was assured anyway." "Yes! And victory WAS assured! Until Mister Simian showed up - at PRECISELY the worst time possible - and decided to play hoofball with my cranium!" Rite snarled. "Which brings me to the crowning disaster of tonight's utter CATASTROPHE: that pugilist thug has the MacGuffin Stone and has been spirited off to who-knows-where! Without the artifact, all my plans and efforts are for naught! There's no way to accomplish my mission!" Swan opened her mouth to protest, but paused. "... Which one? Because I'm pretty sure-" "THE MISSION THAT BUCKING MATTERS!!" Rite howled as a vein pulsed on the side of his head. The unicorn mare ducked away, shielding her face with her leg. After a moment, Rite deflated. "... I'm sorry, Swan Song. You didn't deserve that. You have performed... well, not splendidly, but about as well as I expected and accounted for. This is not your fault." He sighed deeply, and his gaze shifted over to the window as Swan went back to wrapping his leg. "I failed to adapt. To plan adequately. I was so eager to forge ahead with our mission that I completely dismissed the ape, and I paid the price for that." "And it was pretty much your fault he hates us in the first place," Swan reminded him before she cut and secured the length of gauze. "You were the one who transformed him!" Rite snapped. "Only because you ordered me to! Kind of!" Swan retorted. "I wanted to study him! Still do, really. And by 'study' I mean-" "Please don't complete that sentence," Rite interrupted. He pulled his leg off of the stool and then slumped back onto a long couch, feeling the weight of the day's events wearing on him. "Enough moping. We must find some way to find the pigtailed pony if we're to have any hope of success." "That's going to be tricky," Swan admitted, "all the spells for tracking and spying on ponies usually require some kind of physical component or connection to the subject. We don't even know his name. Or if he HAS a name." "I'm well aware of the difficulty. And it certainly won't be helped by Equestria's leadership being on the lookout for us," Rite's spell to fix his tooth finished, and he squeezed his eyes shut as he rubbed at his aching jaw, "but we must do whatever it takes to recover the MacGuffin what's that light?" Rite's eyes snapped open, and he stared at Swan Song, completely perplexed. "Mister Rite?" she asked. "Hold on. I could have sworn..." the crimson unicorn twisted his head back and forth. Then he closed his eyes and concentrated. "... What... What IS this? I can sense it!" "Sense what, Sir?" "The MacGuffin Stone! I'm sure of it! I need only close my eyes and think of the artifact, and a beacon appears in my mind's eye to tell me the way!" Rite said, his voice slowly growing more excited. "Oh! Hey! Me too!" Rite's eyes snapped open, and he saw that his intern had her eyes screwed shut and was pointing a hoof toward the wall. "You too? But... that means..." The stallion grimaced as the gears in his head turned. "Of COURSE. The artifact must form a connection to anypony who uses it! Or... is imprisoned within it, I guess. THAT'S how the ape found us so quickly! I thought it was bizarre that he had tracked us down the night after our encounter when we were stalking about in the middle of nowhere!" Swan frowned. "So, wait, anypony that ever interacts with the MacGuffin Stone can easily track it? Maybe the name is more appropriate than I thought." "And that means that Princess Luna may very well now have this extraordinarily convenient ability," Rite grumbled, "this could complicate things. Not only must we assume that Equestria's leadership can and will track the monkey, but when we secure the MacGuffin Stone again, we're going to have a nice, bright, magical bull’s-eye on our flanks." "Okay, so, what if we're sleeping, and we DREAM of the MacGuffin Stone? Would we get that light coming in suddenly and then wake up? That would be really annoying. It'd be like a nightlight you couldn't turn off," Swan Song grumbled. "... Swan Song, why don't you go take a break? We've had a difficult night, and I have planning to do," Rite said as he rubbed his head again. "Should I go cast more spells to fortify the defenses of your evil wizard tower, Mister Rite?" Swan asked, saluting with a hoof. "IT'S NOT AN EVIL..." he paused mid-shout, forcing himself to calm down with a deep breath. "Yes, actually. That would be a good idea. Thank you." The mare quickly trotted off down a staircase, oblivious to the lingering glare that her superior gave her. "... I am not a villain," the stallion hissed quietly to himself, "with will, wisdom, and courage, I will show them all the way. A way to a better future. A way without... HER, or the worthless destinies that brand us for our lives." He clenched his teeth and closed his eyes, sensing the pulsing energies of the MacGuffin Stone glittering in the distance. "I am so close..." Princess Celestia sprinted through the halls of Canterlot Castle, her breath heaving and a squad of Royal Guard on her heels. She skidded to a stop before a large, reinforced set of double doors, each one carved with crescent moon motifs. She gave a quick, sharp nod to the pony soldiers behind her, and then her horn lit up and pulled the doors open. "Luna! Are you all right?!" Luna jumped in surprise, her wings flapping on reflex as she reared up. A paintbrush she had been levitating slashed down through the air, cutting a deep blue strip across the canvas standing in front of her. Celestia blinked. Luna stumbled back to her hooves. Tiberius looked up from where he was curled up on Luna's bed, snacking on a strawberry. "Sister, what is the matter?" Luna asked as she floated her art supplies away and onto a stand by her side. She had been painting, evidently, and several completed compositions were placed at the foot of the wall next to the window. "I should be asking you that, Luna!" Celestia said, her voice wavering uncertainly. "I heard you had been attacked!" Luna blinked. "Ah. Yes. That is true." At seeing her sister's incredulous stare, Luna raised an eyebrow. "However, I had intended to inform you of last night's misadventure this morning, when you broke your fast. There is no need for panic; this is not an emergency." "No need for..." Celestia shook her head. "Luna, I believe that when a Princess of Equestria is ambushed and attacked, it very much qualifies as an emergency!" The dusky alicorn nodded slowly as she turned back toward her painting, and her horn lit up. "Aye, I suppose it would." The stripe of misplaced blue paint stripped away from the canvas surface, rolling up and then streaming back into the pot where it was being stored. "But that encounter was resolved, and I am unharmed. As such I had imagined the immediate urgency had passed, and didn't think it worth interrupting your rest." Then Luna frowned. "How is that you came to know of the ambush? It is not even time for your awakening, and I told none of the guards." Celestia pursed her lips and stepped to the side. The Royal Guards, who had formed an armored wall in the doorway behind her, likewise parted to let a pony through. Night Scythe limped through the doorway, almost stumbling as he walked on three legs. One of his forelegs was in a sling, he had a gauze pad over one eye, and both his wings were in splints. He was obviously in considerable pain, and seemed more annoyed than relieved to see his Princess unharmed. It took Luna a few seconds to recognize the pony, and then she sucked in a breath through her teeth as her eyes widened. "... Well, Luna?" Celestia asked. "Ah. Captain Scythe. I... uh..." Luna's eyes darted back and forth, and she briefly toyed with the idea of teleporting away from the glare of the embittered batpony. "I... apologize... I believe I may have... uhm..." "Forgotten about me. Yeah. I noticed," the Lunar Guard said, fighting to keep his voice even, "maybe I should have forgotten about YOU, since you don't seem at all bothered by the assassination attempt last night." Celestia sighed and then gestured to the pony soldiers outside with her wing. The Sergeant saluted, and then the guards backed up and closed the doors before heading off to other duties. Luna sat on her haunches, her head bowed as the white alicorn approached. "I offer my deepest apologies for abandoning you, Captain Scythe. However, I still believe this matter could have waited until Sister had woken normally and raised the sun." "Maybe it could," Celestia said calmly, "but we're all here now, and I'm awake. So please, tell me what happened." Night Scythe got as comfortable as possible next to Luna's bed, heaving a sigh. "Unfortunately, I don't really know what happened after the attack began. There was a lot of yelling, but I was fighting to get free and being surrounded by metal screwed up my echolocation. What I do know is that we were approached by one unicorn who tried to give Princess Luna a magic gem, and then a second unicorn attacked after I demanded to check the gem to make sure it was safe." He grimaced. "These unicorns had SERIOUS magic power. I got the first attack on the second one, but it managed to shield itself and polymorph me in rapid sequence. I was pretty much helpless." Tiberius walked up to the edge of the bed and held out a half-eaten strawberry to the batpony. "No, thank you," the guard grumbled, turning away from the possum. Celestia nodded. "I see. Luna, how did they overcome you?" It was well understood that an alicorn posed a much greater danger than the guards that usually accompanied them; that was the only reason Luna got away with frequently leaving the castle with minimal security in the first place. "It was the aforementioned gem," Luna grumbled, sitting up straight again, "it was no ordinary jewel. Once it touched my coat it stuck fast and began to drain my magic power. I too was rendered helpless before the upstart sorcerers." She wrinkled her snout briefly, wishing that there were some way to avoid revealing this next part. "The unicorns claimed that this gem was called... the MacGuffin Stone." Night Scythe made a face. "Seriously?" Princess Celestia, however, seemed stunned. Her jaw fell open, and her eyes widened in horror. "It... It can't be... It has resurfaced? The MacGuffin Stone?" "SERIOUSLY?" Luna quirked an eyebrow. "You have heard of the artifact, Sister? I have not." "Only legends, Luna. It was thought lost ages ago, since long before the founding of Equestria. But..." Princess Celestia shook her head. "Never mind. We'll figure that out later. What happened next?" "After that the villains had me at their mercy. Captain Night Scythe was trapped and I was helpless. I tried to escape, but with a single spell I was stricken from the sky." Luna shook her head. "Their ploy was a complete success. After I collapsed, the leader of the pair apologized for the assault, claiming that he had no ill will toward me." This surprised Celestia and Night, and they shared a glance. "So, what, were they just unusually powerful criminals? Was this for a ransom or something?" the Lunar Guard wondered. "Nay, their aim was not so petty," Luna assured him, looking Celestia in the eyes, "the stallion of the two confessed that it was you alone he opposed, Sister, and that the assault was merely a necessary step in a greater plan against you." Celestia recoiled. "Me? He attacked you to get to me?" The smaller alicorn nodded. "And his plan may well have come to fruition. But then, HE appeared." With a distinctly dreamy sigh and a flush over her muzzle, the dark Princess gestured toward the paintings stacked against her wall. Each one of them featured a dark gray earth pony stallion striking various action poses, with the exception of one that had been covered completely in a coat of black with "NSFW" labeling it. "... Wait, what?" Night Scythe's good eye narrowed at the stallion. "Who's he?" "I do not know," Luna confessed, tapping a hoof against the canvas on the easel in front of her. There was an outline of a stallion, crouched at the front, with one rear leg lashing out to attack. "However, when he appeared my would-be foalnappers were utterly outmatched. He dispatched them with ease, and then proceeded to rescue me from the MacGuffin Stone." "Wait, WHAT?" Night Scythe repeated. This account was becoming more unbelievable by the moment. "How?!" "He surprised the foe, much as they had surprised us," Luna explained, her eyes glazing over slightly, "he struck like lightning, and the unicorns could not bring their spells to bear quickly enough. They stood no chance." Then her expression cleared, and she scowled. "Surely he would have disabled and secured the fiends, were he not distracted with aiding my own plight with the MacGuffin Stone. They took the opportunity to counter-attack, and then spirited him away along with the artifact." She paused. "There was a great deal of confusion over his disappearance, however. I don't believe it was intentional. They fled the scene while I gathered my strength, bemoaning the failure of their enterprise." Princess Celestia narrowed her eyes as she stared at one of the paintings, and then she levitated it higher to get a better look. She was considerably less incredulous than Night Scythe that an earth pony had trounced a pair of skilled sorcerers, but nonetheless she was quite suspicious. In particular, she couldn't help but take note of the stallion's cutie mark. The cluster of arrows pointing every which way was a symbol she had seen in only one other context: it was a favored glyph of Discord, spirit of chaos. Her first thought was that Discord was running around in the guise of a pony and committing curiously heroic deeds, but she quickly wrote it off. Nothing about the encounter was in Discord's style or fit his personality. This was a new pony, and the mystery of his identity would likely have to be unraveled the hard way. The others, however... "What can you tell me about your attackers?" Celestia asked. "What did they look like? Did they identify themselves?" "Aye, they did. The unicorn stallion had rich, red fur with a mane the color of white ash and dark eyes. He introduced himself as Rite. I presume the name is in the context of magic rituals, seeing as he seemed an accomplished sorcerer. The other was a mare, her coat the color of emeralds, with a pitch-black mane and violet eyes. She was called Swan Song." Luna clicked her tongue. "Of course, there is no way to know if those were their true names. In addition, I was unable to see their cutie marks; the ponies wore thick robes that obscured their flanks." Celestia's brow furrowed, and her expression darkened. "He... called himself 'Rite'? That's all? And you couldn't see his cutie mark?" Luna nodded. "That is so. Might you know of this pony?" "I just might," Celestia said grimly, "I will look into the matter. And I will need to research the MacGuffin Stone more thoroughly, as well." "That's got to be a mistranslation, right? It's not actually called that, right?" Night Scythe's question was ignored as the Solar Princess continued. "In the meantime, however, we must be on our guard for an assassin hunting for Princesses. Cadance and Twilight Sparkle may be in danger as well, now that you've escaped capture." Luna nodded. "Indeed. And our agents must be on the lookout for the mysterious pigtailed stallion, so that he might be identified and located." "... And the unicorns too, right?" Night Scythe asked. Luna blinked. "Oh, well, yes. Of course. Them too." She coughed. "That was obvious enough that I did not believe it warranted an order, is all." "Of course," Princess Celestia mumbled as she turned around and headed for the door, "I also don't think it needs to be said that you'll need to show more discretion until these unicorns are brought to justice, Luna. No more wandering distant forests with a token guard for escort." "Oh, thank Luna," Night Scythe said in relief, "er, I mean, thank Celestia. That is, uh... thank you, Princess Celestia." "You're welcome, Captain Scythe. Granted, my order was more for my sister's benefit, but I think you could use a break from your more trying duties." Celestia paused just outside the doorway, craning her head back to address her sister. "Luna, please get some rest for now. If my hunch is correct, I should have more information on your assailants when you wake to raise the moon." Without waiting for a reply, Celestia headed out into the hall, her expression set in a determined frown. Luna glanced over to Night Scythe. Tiberius was leaning over and patting the batpony's shoulder to try to comfort him, and the equine soldier was doing his very best to resist the attempt. "So... how exactly did you suffer these wounds?" Luna wondered aloud, tilting her head to the side. "When we left, the only spell that had struck you was the polymorph." "Yeah. It wore off in about an hour," Night Scythe grumbled, "that was also more or less how long it took for that chimera you knocked out to wake up." Luna cringed, and her wings and ears drooped. "Ah... well... uhm... sorry. Again." "Apology accepted," the Lunar Guard groused before he too headed for the door, "obviously, I'll be out of action for a little while to heal up. In the meantime, please don't search for this unidentified earth pony on your own. We have no idea who he is and he's obviously involved in this matter with the unicorns and their ridiculous gem. We don't know what his intentions are and he could be very dangerous." Night Scythe exited the room as he finished his warning, gently kicking the door closed behind him. Luna glanced back at the paintings lined up against the wall, and then looked over to Tiberius. Tiberius met her gaze and then squeaked inquisitively. "Well, I'm not going to NOT do that," Luna scoffed. Trixie often wondered about fate. This was not, as some ponies suspected, the idle musings of an egomaniac looking for a way to justify her delusions of superiority and contempt for others. Trixie typically thought about fate from an objective philosophical perspective. She thought it honestly intriguing, and extremely relevant, to wonder about the potential nature of destiny as it related to ponykind, seeing as their magical nature and their cutie marks cast matters of self-determination and free will into stark relief. Trixie had never been the academic sort, so she tended not to compile her observations, thoughts, and theories into long-winded essays or reams of notes, so most ponies would be very surprised by how much of her long travels from town to town were spent ruminating on something so abstract. Which wasn't to say that she wasn't an egomaniac, of course. But Trixie had always felt that her obvious superiority didn't need justification by something so obtuse. She wasn't great just because she was destined to be. If anything, it should have been the other way around. Any pony as fantastic and powerful as she was should be on a crash course for fame and fortune naturally! If anything, in fact, Trixie wondered if fate was an impediment to her. Was she perhaps doomed to see her obvious potential unfulfilled because her true destiny was as a showpony? Did she have a host of talents and a hidden power that she would never think to develop because her fated career restrained her ambition? Her questions rattled about in her head as the wheels of her cart rattled against the unpaved road. Dense forest and rocky hills bordered the path on both sides, and up ahead a small river was crossed by a single wooden arch bridge. Accepting, as Trixie did, that she was the finest magical mind of her generation... A mental image briefly interrupted her thoughts, showing a lavender unicorn with a stripe in her mane. Trixie shook her head violently, almost throwing the pointed wizard hat off of her head. Accepting, AS TRIXIE DID, that she was the FINEST MAGICAL MIND of her generation, was it not odd that her ambition didn't extend much further than being a beloved entertainer? True, she hoped to be wealthy and famous one day, with a name that was spoken of from coast to coast without the addition of expletives or contemptuous snorts. But whenever she took the time to truly think on the matter of her greatness, it always seemed that her goals seemed curiously... petty. It was almost bizarre how much satisfaction she got out of the brief cheers or laughter of a crowd. It was strange that she so rarely bent her incredible magical talents to no greater purpose than to entertain others and impress upon them her superiority. She had tried to do more than that, once. She'd found a way to surpass her rival Twilight Sparkle, and briefly held dominion over an entire town. Aside from the general giddiness of going mad with power and the fleeting glee of overcoming Sparkle, the incident had been positively awful. Once the dark influence of the Alicorn Amulet had passed, Trixie had felt terrible about the chaos she had caused for her own passing amusement, and she had absolutely no desire to revisit her grudge against Twilight yet again. Which was curious, she decided. She hadn't learned any profound lesson in the debacle surrounding the magic duel. She didn't feel any particular regret at using the Alicorn Amulet to show up Twilight Sparkle. She DID regret the bout of insanity that had followed the incident, as well as the manifesto she had written and published alleging a vast wheel-based conspiracy that sought to undermine and eventually destroy pony civilization. But the lesson there was less about humility and more about checking the side effects of your key magic artifacts. Was that the call of destiny? Did fate compel her to use her power for the amusement of the crowd, and punish her for seeking a path that didn't serve that end? "Caw!" The cry of a raven brought Trixie's attention back to the road, and she slowed her pace as she approached the bridge crossing. The wagon trundling behind her squeaked to a stop, and the blue unicorn searched the trees for the bird. She found the dark avian perched on a branch sticking out over the river, its gleaming eyes scanning the water. Trixie pursed her lips and returned her attention fully to her surroundings. Ravens were considered bad omens for travelers. For that matter, so were bridges; it was a favorite ambush spot for thieves and bandits. She didn't see any signs of anypony else, so Trixie pushed on ahead with her gaze lingering on the bird. The wagon attached to her saddle harness clunked loudly as it started rolling along the path again. The rattling got louder as she trotted over the bridge, pulling her cargo over the uneven wooden planks. "Caw!" The raven suddenly swooped down from its branch, descending on something immediately below the bridge and out of Trixie's line of sight. She turned her eyes forward, dismissing the bird. "CAW!" Then the raven shrieked loudly before it slammed into the bridge, bounced up over the edge, and landed in a heap at Trixie's hooves. The magician jerked to a stop, recoiling at the sight. "Stupid birds..." groaned a voice from below. "I'm not dead..." Trixie felt a chill run down her back at hearing the sound of somepony speaking. At least, she hoped it was somepony; equines weren't the only intelligent creatures around these parts, and were generally the friendliest. She really didn't want to investigate the voice, but she wasn't so callous as to just walk by and pretend she'd heard nothing. With an aggravated frown, her horn lit up and the peg that attached her to her travel wagon slipped loose. After making sure that her vehicle wouldn't roll away on its own, Trixie reluctantly crept up to the edge of the bridge and looked down. "Is anypony there? Hello?" Trixie called. She couldn't see anyone below, so she could only assume the voice was coming from under the bridge. "... Hi," replied the voice after a brief pause. Trixie blinked. She hadn't been expecting a reply quite like that. Whoever it was, the voice sounded feminine and non-monster-like, so she decided to continue. "Are you okay down there?" There was another pause. "Been better. How are you?" Trixie frowned again. "Okay, look, Trixie isn't trying to make small talk, here. Do you need help? Because if not, Trixie would be happy to be on her way." A grunt came from below. "Well, if Trixie is offering, I could eat something." Trixie grimaced and headed down and around the bridge. "Trixie isn't going to just toss handouts to anypony she meets lying in the road. Who are you, anyway?" She walked down to the riverbank, and then leaned her head under the bridge to see who she had been conversing with. At a glance, she had to admit that the pony lying under the bridge looked every bit like a downtrodden traveler desperately in need of assistance. She was a pegasus with a dark gray coat and a thick, bright red mane and tail, both of which were tied into braids. She was lying on her side under the bridge and looked generally wet, battered, and miserable. "Hey," mumbled the bedraggled pony, "name's Saotome Ranma." She remained on her side, staring at the unicorn through tired blue eyes. This new pony was a rich azure in color, with a mane of silver colored with stripes of light, icy blue. She was also wearing a purple hat and cape covered in stars, which gave off a distinctly unsubtle "wizard" vibe. Ranma wasn't particularly in the mood to deal with more magic-wielding ponies, but her stomach wasn't in the mood for turning down offers of sustenance. There was no contest in a conflict between Ranma's brain and her stomach; the latter took complete priority. Trixie furrowed her brow as she stepped under the bridge. "You stand in the presence of the Great and Powerful Trixie, Saotome Ranma," she declared, placing a hoof against her chest, "please note that's 'Great and Powerful', not 'Rich and Generous'. Trixie can't spare much in the way of food." Ranma's eyes went large and dewy, and she stared up at the unicorn pleadingly. "I'll take anything! Please!" Trixie snorted. She wasn't exceptionally moved by this mare's begging, but nor was she going to let a pony in need starve to death when she could easily help. "So, what's your deal, anyway? What are you doing out here?" "It's... kind of a long story," Ranma mumbled, scraping at the side of her head with a hoof, "but the short version is that a unicorn zapped me into this river way upstream. I fell in and got swept into the rapids." Trixie quirked an eyebrow. The river was moving quite gently under the bridge, and completely lacked the current necessary to challenge a pony that could swim. But upstream... "Wait, you fell into the rapids? Trixie believes there's a waterfall some two hours up the river, but..." "Yeah, there is," Ranma grumbled as she pushed herself up, "I kinda blacked out after I hit some rocks back there. I had a long night. Then I woke up to some dumb bird pecking at me." Bad omen indeed, Trixie thought as she winced. "Are you... sure food is all you need? Trixie has medical supplies..." Granted, she wasn't exactly sure what she would do with them; Ranma wasn't visibly injured. But it seemed to Trixie that a drop off a waterfall and a likely concussion warranted more than breakfast. "I'm REALLY hungry," the pegasus assured her. "Fine," Trixie said with a petulant sigh, "follow Trixie and we'll see about getting you back on your hooves." She walked up the river bank, and Ranma followed behind her eagerly. As soon as Trixie looked up to the bridge, however, she stopped in place and grit her teeth. "Aw, fireballs," she cursed. Two earth ponies, a mare and a stallion, stood at the middle of the bridge, in front of her personal wagon. They both wore leather vests and leg bracers, and had short swords sheathed at their shoulders. They could have been the literal poster ponies for bandit-kind even without considering their cutie marks; the stallion had a black eye mask on each of his hips, while the mare had a small bag spilling over with diamonds. "Well, well, well. It looks like this wagon might just belong to somepony," the stallion said with a snicker. "Oh, what a shame! Here I thought we'd found some abandoned loot! How unlucky for us!" the mare agreed. "But even more unlucky for you!" The bandit ponies smirked. Trixie groaned, rubbing a hoof against her muzzle. "This is NOT what Trixie needs right now..." Ranma remained silent, staring at the bandits' weapons. They have swords? With handles? But they don't have hands! How would they use them? I have GOT to see this... The stallion chuckled. "Aw, had a hard day? Well, maybe we can work something out. My name is Wagon Thief." "Subtle," Ranma mumbled. "... Sure. Now let's make a deal," the bandit stallion gestured behind him to Trixie's wagon. It wasn't very large, and the goods inside were mostly covered by blankets that matched her hat and cape. "This haul looks pretty worthless at a glance, but it IS conveniently loaded for easy swiping and transport. Also, me and my wife here were just about to set up an ambush to rob the next passer-by; finding a haul before we even had to bother has me in a good mood. So I'll tell you what: if you two turn around and trot off, we'll just take the wagon and be on our merry way without bothering you any further." He grinned. "Great deal, huh?" Trixie's eyebrow twitched. "Does that spiel actually WORK on some ponies?" she spat, tilting her chin up and narrowing her eyes. "Do you cretins know who you're trying to rob? You stand before the GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE, FOOLS!!" As she shouted her name, Trixie reared up and glared at the earth ponies, and her cape whipped about behind her. The bandits stared for a few seconds until Trixie landed back on all fours, and then the mare turned to her husband. "Wagon, you ever heard of any Trixie?" "Can't say I have," Wagon arched an eyebrow, "you from out of town, Miss Great?" Trixie started to growl something, but Ranma suddenly stepped forward and interrupted. "Whoa, whoa, hold on a minute," the redhead demanded, jabbing a hoof at Wagon Thief, "your name is ACTUALLY 'Wagon Thief'? You weren't just being a smartass?" The other ponies blinked. "Yes. So?" Wagon asked. "My name is Jewel Thief, by the way," the mare interjected. Ranma glanced from one bandit to the other, with her eyes lingering on their cutie marks. "So, wait, your parents actually named you 'Wagon Thief' and you 'Jewel Thief' when you were born? Like, in the expectation that you would become an ACTUAL thief? As part of a family called the 'Thief' family? Really?" "Of course not," Jewel Thief said with a confused expression. Ranma looked slightly relieved until she continued. "I changed my name to 'Jewel Thief' when me and Wagon were married and I joined the Thief family. My maiden name is 'Jewel Swiper'." Ranma fell back onto her haunches, her head spinning as she wondered at the implications. "This planet is so weird..." "ANYWAY," Trixie said loudly, "if we can get back to the matter of you robbing Trixie, and Trixie's contention that that's NOT HAPPENING..." The bandits both eyed Trixie with contempt, although neither had bothered to draw their weapon yet. "Come on, lady. I'm trying to be reasonable, here." "Trixie scoffs at your pathetic 'reason'!" the unicorn barked. With a toss of her head, Trixie's wizard hat slipped up and revealed her horn to the brigands. "Trixie will give you one last warning: get your sorry flanks out of Trixie's sight, NOW!" "Ooh, a unicorn! Scaaary!" laughed Wagon Thief as he and Jewel lowered their heads and shifted into fighting stances. "As if we've never dealt with magic before! You try anything and you're going to regret it!" The next few seconds all passed in a hectic blur. Trixie's horn lit up. The bandits grinned wider. Trixie reached out to her cart with her magic. The bandits' eyes went wide. A loud sizzling noise came from a cluster of large red tubes packed into a corner of her equipment crate. The bandit couple twisted their heads around to bite onto the hilts of their swords, clearly panicked. As the criminal equines drew their weapons, the sizzling turned to an ear-piercing whistle, and a pair of rocket fireworks blasted out of the cart. They immediately curved down through the air and struck each of the bandit ponies directly, exploding into colorful bursts of flame. Both thieves leapt off of the bridge and into the water in short order, screaming in pain the entire time. "No contest!" Trixie declared before she galloped up to her wagon. "Beggar pony! Get in! Hurry!" Trixie jumped into her wagon and slammed a hoof down onto the rear panel. Two small slats of wood fell off, and two more firework rockets popped out of the holes. These ones had their engines facing away from the wagon, and were locked into place as soon as they were set. "Trixie will let you off with a warning this time!" the unicorn shouted as Ranma hopped into the wagon behind her. A flash of her horn lit the rocket fuses. "And, you know, the second-degree burns. But next time you won't get off so easy!" The rockets ignited, and Trixie laughed victoriously as she, her wagon, and the luckless twit she had rescued were all blasted down the road at high speed. She quickly raised a hoof to her hat to pin it down, grinning as she watched the bridge fall away into the distance. Her grin faltered slightly as she noticed something else. There was a large body lying on the ground, at the base of the bridge. It was hard to get a good look as she was speeding away from the "ambush", but Trixie swore that it looked like a griffon was curled up in the middle of the road, right behind the point where she had been making her stand against the bandits. Come to think of it, there had been something strange about the bandits' behavior, too. They had seemed extremely confident up until she had used her magic, but had started panicking before she had actually cast her spell and before they could have guessed at its effects. They had been quite clear that they had dealt with magic before. It seemed to Trixie that their reaction was somewhat out of sync with the course of events. "Hey, Trixie!" Ranma shouted, snapping her out of her thoughts. "Not that this isn't really cool and all, but... can you steer this thing?" Trixie turned forward, noting that the road was starting to curve and that the wagon's path was not. Her horn glowed pink, and a gentle telekinetic touch adjusted their course. The rockets were starting to run out of burn by now anyway, and the loud whistle slowly petered out to a hollow hiss. Before long the wagon's momentum faltered as well, and Trixie sighed deeply as her cart slowed to a crawl and finally stopped. "Well, that went about as well as could have been expected," the magician mumbled, "although Trixie is going to have to make more fireworks, now." "Ha! That was awesome!" Ranma cheered, slapping a hoof onto the side of the wagon. "I was afraid you were going to curse them to turn into some other animal that's slightly smaller but can still talk and fight almost as well." Trixie fixed the pigtailed mare with a questioning look. "That sounds like it would be both extremely difficult, and completely pointless." "I know, right? Doesn't stop some unicorns, though," Ranma grumbled, "anyway, can we eat now? I don't think those chumps are going to be catching up with us and I am STARVED." Trixie's expression shifted from questioning to annoyed. "You're a cheeky one, aren't you? Show some gratitude to the Great and Powerful Trixie for deigning to share her hard-earned supplies with some pony hobo she dragged out from under a bridge!" Ranma ducked her head down, and her eyes grew big and watery. A puppy-like whimper came from the pegasus. "Ugh. Yes, FINE. Cut that out. Trixie wasn't intending to let you starve to death," the unicorn grumbled as she tossed aside a blanket that covered her food supplies, and then levitated up a burlap bag. Ranma grinned widely as the sack was opened, although her smile wilted somewhat when she saw that the interior was full of raw oats. "Oh. I, uh, guess you guys eat this sort of thing, don't you?" Ranma mumbled as she poked her muzzle into the bag. "What do you mean 'you guys'?" Trixie asked. The more this pony talked, the stranger she seemed. Ranma chose to eat rather than talk, finally plunging her face into the sack and scarfing down the offered grains. Her father, Genma, would eat bamboo when he turned into a panda, so she had to reason that so long as she was a pony, she would do fine eating pony food. Trixie waited patiently for her guest to finish, only slightly alarmed by the rate at which she devoured a five-pound sack of food. Her patience was sorely tested when the pegasus finally drew her head out of the empty bag and then held it up in her teeth. "Seconds?" Ranma asked, smiling hopefully. With a flicker of Trixie's horn, the bag shifted upward and slipped over Ranma's head. "If Trixie wanted to give away all her supplies, Trixie would have given them to the highwayponies!" the magician growled. "At least they WORK for a living!" "I work!" Ranma protested as she shook the bag off her head. Then she stopped to think. "Well, I mean, I CAN work..." "Good! You can start by hooking yourself up to the wagon and towing Trixie to Hoofington," the unicorn said, jabbing a hoof down at the wagon's yoke, "if you can manage that, MAYBE Trixie will give you supper before ditching you there." "Deal," Ranma hopped down and started tying herself to the wagon yoke. Trixie sighed and lay down, satisfied that she could at least get a little free labor out of the hapless vagrant she had aided. She'd expected the mare to complain about having to work while famished and recently injured, but if anything she seemed happy to help. Soon the wheels of the cart were rattling against the ground again, and the wagon moved at a good clip toward Trixie's next destination. "... So, what was your name again?" Trixie asked. "Ranma." "Strange name." "Yeah. I guess if I was born around here I'd be named 'Face Kicker' or something." Ranma snorted. Trixie considered that for a moment. "So... you consider fighting others to be your true destiny?" "Destiny nothing. It just sort of happens." Ranma cracked her neck back and forth as she walked, and then she shook out her wings as well. Trixie couldn't help but wince at the sight. Ranma's wings were filthy and the feathers were in complete disarray. "Trixie doesn't know much about wings, and this probably isn't any of Trixie's business anyway, but... yours look a little... neglected." "Maybe. They kind of took a beating in the river. I'm not really used to them," Ranma admitted. "You're not... used to your wings?" Trixie found that strange for a variety of very obvious reasons. "Yeah. They're new." Okay, yes, this was getting weird. "Your wings are... new. As in, you haven't had wings for very long, despite being a pegasus?" "As in, I haven't been a pegasus for very long. Just a couple days. It's a unicorn's fault." Trixie didn't have a response to that immediately, and she fell silent for a time as Ranma towed her and her wagon further down the road to Hoofington. "...... Ranma?" "Yeah?" "You said that your ending up here was a 'long story'?" "Yeah." "We have plenty of time. Trixie would like to hear your long story." "Oh. Okay, well... I suppose I should start with this kid I used to know and this magic rock called the MacGuffin Stone..."