Twilight
I took a sip of tea and eyed the flying books warily. I really hadn't enjoyed this dream as much since the whole Tantibus incident, but it was an easy place to come back to.
Plus... I felt so much better in dreams, safer.
Princess Luna arrived shortly, pulling up a chair.
"Thanks for meeting with me," I said shooing away a curious physics textbook.
She nodded. "Of course Twilight, how are you feeling? Is everything alright? You know I'm always here for you."
I winced. "Thanks Luna I'm fine..."
She looked down. "Yes, of course... It's just... we were all worried when you left without leaving a message."
I winced again. That hadn't been my finest moment. "I'm just glad Spike got in contact with you and the girls... I don't know what I'd do without him."
Luna smiled. "Just make sure he knows that and everything will be fine. How goes your investigation?"
"Not bad, I'm tracking down a few graduate students who used to work with the victims once I wake up. In the mean time I'm reviewing my notes."
She looked at the stack of books on the table, clearly organized and lacking any interest in tap-dancing. "You've certainly come a long way with your lucid dreaming."
I looked at my hoof. Usually I never even noticed it, but here... It was my hoof, my real hoof. Anything I could do to see it more often was a blessing.
I just nodded though. "It helps me stay productive."
Luna nodded. "Do find time for true rest though, you're in a really, really stressful situation and I want to make absolutely sure that you're okay."
I let out a breath. "I appreciate that."
"Is there anything else you need from me? Resources? Company even?"
I gave her a weak smile. "I should be good."
She smiled. "Then I should go, I have a happy event to attend tomorrow."
I tilted my head. I hadn't heard good news in a long time. "What's that?"
#
Fluttershy
It all felt so surreal, not in the least because Luna was my cheering section and Zecora was my pharmacist.
She looked so odd in a labcoat. Apparently her education in Zehava was enough to get a degree here fairly easily and she'd picked up the position for extra money.
It being 2 oclock on a Wednesday meant the pharmacy was practically empty. It was just the three of us and a cashier watching the fairly limited candy counter up front. Said cashier was politely asked to give us some space, mostly because she was absolutely aghast that Luna was visiting.
Zecora returned from the rows upon rows of shelves with pair of bottles. She opened the first one deftly and poured a small pile of large pills into the cap to show me.
"Spironolactone
Young Fluttershy.
will cut Testosterone
to get you by.
But listen well and pay good heed.
For in the morning you shall need.
But one pill, and two at night.
To take more would not be right."
She closed the bottle and opened the second. This time the pills were tiny and blue.
"Estradiol. One estrogen of many,
And very important for those who lack any.
each day you will need only three little pills.
more than that will not cure your ills."
She closed the bottle and packaged up my order.
"Do you have any questions my dear Fluttershy?
These can be confusing, I will not lie."
I smiled at her weakly. "Thank you, I've talked about this a lot with my doctor already. I should be okay." I bit my lip. "Also, thank you for not making me feel awkward about all this. I'm not sure if I could have had this conversation with a stranger."
She chuckled.
"My dear girl.
You're of two spirits.
I'm not surprised,
but glad to hear it!"
I blinked. That was odd. "Um... I don't understand Why would you be glad that I was trans?"
Zecora frowned.
"Perhaps glad is not the word.
I know it sounds quite absurd.
Truly I was most distressed,
When I hear that you had suffered so
But I feel that you should know:
Zebras of spirits two are quite sacred,
though here it seems they're often hated.
Where I come from is a different place.
We handle these things with more... grace."
I nodded, I suppose I hadn't really thought of cultural differences. "That's nice. I really mean it." I clarified.
She grinned.
"I'm no foolish little whelp.
Let me know if I can help."
I thanked her and slipped the pills into my saddle bag, Then I turned tail and started walking out.
When we got outside, Luna offered me a water bottle. "Well? What are you waiting for?"
We sat down on a bench and, after a moment's hesitation took my pills. The spironolactone was bitter but covered with a thick cap, while the estradiol was oddly sweet.
I blinked. After all that buildup it didn't feel so intense. I... I wasn't sure how I felt.
Luna gave me a hug. "You are going to feel so much better really soon." She actually had a tear in her eye. "And as a bonus you should be much safer now."
I smiled and patted her back. "There there Luna. I'm sure the medicine will work."
She nodded. "I know it will..."
I looked down. There was something I needed to say. "I'm... I'm sorry. You know, about before. I never meant to scare you."
She hugged me tighter. "It was my fault. I... I should have pushed more. I should have made Celestia get you hormones right on the spot."
I let her go and looked her in the eye. "You did everything you could. And I'm okay now, really... Honestly..."
I looked away... I wasn't sure if now was the time to bring this up, but it was important. "I'm more worried about you." I whispered.
She blinked. "Me? What? Why in Equestria wouldst- I mean, why would you be worried for me?"
I let out a breath. "Luna, you've been really tense around us since we came out. You're clingy and..." Oh I hated saying things like this... "Sometimes you treat us like we're made of glass. And I deserve it, but the others really don't. Is there anything you'd like to talk about?"
Luna turned away. She had a dark look on her face. "Do you know what happens when a pony tries to kill themselves with pills?"
I blinked. "Um... No."
She looked out at the trees waving in the distance. "Most of the time they fall asleep before they die. Sometimes it's for a moment, sometimes it's for hours, but I see those dreams. Every. Single. One."
My eyes went wide. Oh...
She continued. "You know back in ages past, when my powers first manifested, I didn't think it would be such a big problem. After all, how many ponies would be so lost?" She shook her head. " But... It's far more common than you think. I watch manic depressives, trauma victims, and many many trans ponies try to end it all daily. I average about one trans pony each week."
I felt sick. I didn't think it was just from swallowing pills on an empty stomach. "Luna..."
She turned to me. "Do not misunderstand me. Most of the dreams I enter are not happy. Ponies with happy dreams have little need for a guardian. That particular batch of horrors is especially unpleasant though. I always try to find out where the ponies are and get them help, sometimes I even save them but... I've lost far too many. And I almost never see the ones who use... other methods"
I put my hooves behind me. The fur had covered over the scars, but if you looked closely... I whimpered. "That... That's just awful Luna! I'm sooo sorry I didn't-"
She held up a hoof. "No... You're right actually." She pressed a hoof against the bench. "I can't let trauma color the way I treat my friends... At least not so much. I suppose it's just that when you all revealed what was wrong I was... scared." She looked up at the sky. "I've spent a lot of my life alone and... I still don't have that many friends. I don't have any to spare."
I put a hoof on her shoulder. "Princess Luna, I promise, Pinkie Pie Promise, that I will never deliberately hurt myself ever again. and if I see anyone else hurting themselves I will tell you on the spot."
Luna started giggling.
I put my forehooves on my hips. "What's so funny?"
She snorted. "I'm sorry." She wiped a tear away. "It's just... Pinkie Pie Promise? That's so much better than Bubble Berry Sweary."
I blinked. "Bubble Berry Sweary?"
She started laughing again. "That 'Y'..."
#
Pinkie Pie
"I use my suction cups to climb up the side of the building and see if there's roof access!" I decided.
Lilac looked over the little cardboard rules sheet. "Wait, what? Suction cups?"
Dash rolled her eyes. "They're called gecko gloves Pinkie. They're a futuristic clinging technology, not toilet plungers"
I pouted. "But I use suction cups for climbing up walls all the time!"
The pegasus rolled her eyes. "Uh, yeah and you can hear the 'hickie' sound from like 6 blocks away. The game is called 'Shadow Run', not "Party Gadget Ninjas'."
That second game sounded waaay better, I turned to our GM to ask if I could use suction cups for flavor, but she was distracted. I followed her gaze out the window and noted quite the scene in the town square.
My favorite yellow pegasus was full on crowd-surfing on a huuuuge pile of partying woodland critters and clutching a pair of prescription bottles in her hooves. I couldn't hear what she was shouting from this distance, but she looked absolutely over the moon.
I got the biggest grin ever.
Lilac looked nervous. "Do you think we should tell her that hormones take weeks to build up and everything she's feeling right now is psychoso-"
I put a hoof to her beak. "Let her have this."