//------------------------------// // The Strong, Silent Type // Story: The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody) // by TundraStanza //------------------------------// A/N: *Sigh.* All right. Let's get this over with. Until the show gets some more antagonists, expect more of these improbable good guy vs. good guy fights. Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Nintendo. --- The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (30) ---Death Battle--- ... I'm speechless. Various characters from various media fill the screen. "They say actions speak louder than words," starts B, "Well, if that's true than guys like these must be really loud." "Like Big Macintosh of Ponyville's Apple Family," says W. "And Link the hero of Hyrule." "He's B and I'm W and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle." ---Death Battle--- A muscular, red, and cartoon stallion enters the screen wearing a large yoke around his neck. "Aside from Granny Smith, Big Macintosh is the oldest family member on Sweet Apple Acres," introduces W. "He's a man of few words and he means every one of them," states B matter of fact. Stats appear about Big Macintosh while W keeps talking. "He doesn't run financial business. That's Applejack's turf. But he does pull his own weight plowing fields and bucking apple trees with possibly more than twice the strength that Applejack wields. Once, he even managed to pull an oxen-pulled anvil cart and an entire house with just his forward jumping momentum." "I've heard of Red Bull, but Red Pony? That's ridiculous." "For the most part, Big Mac calm and collected. He holds wisdom beyond that of her sisters and he prioritizes his family above himself." "It's been hinted at that Macintosh is a bit of a repair man, though that remains to be seen. Speaking of things yet to be seen, I still want to know what happened off screen that allowed that stallion to create a huge explosion that blew back an entire pony mob." "It's no exaggeration to say that he will use force when he deems it necessary, whether that means telling off three fillies for printing negative gossip about him or if it means obtaining a specific toy doll that he's fond of." "He's a girl toy... that plays with girl toys. ...TOYCEPTION!" There's a bit of a song cut scene where Sweetie Belle says, "Oh please, oh please, oh please say..." "Nope," replies Big Macintosh. The Cutie Mark Crusaders let out a delighted gasp. ---Death Battle--- A man with an elven appearance and wearing a green outfit enters the screen. "Whether he's part of two timelines or of multiple universes," starts W, "Link can immediately be recognized as the young savior of Hyrule." "He never says anything but he means everything he shouts," comments B. Facts and figures appear to the right as W continues. "Humble yet brave, Link is the rightful bearer of the legendary Triforce of Courage. It gives him the destiny of fighting off monsters and enemies that would make most others run away in fear." "Destiny sucks." "Link's primary weapon is the Master Sword AKA the 'Blade of Evil's Bane' which, as its name implies, can destroy evil. Over the years, he has learned several techniques with the sword to take on just about any foe." "For defense, Link wields the Hylian Shield. It's perfect for warding off fire and minor frontal attacks." "He also has a large inventory space where he keeps bombs, bows, arrows, water bombs, a ball and chain, the gale boomerang, a fishing rod, a lantern, oil for said lantern, and a hookshot." "Yeah, screw sensibility. Let's let the protagonist carry everything all at once." "There was also a point where Link came in contact with the Twilight Realm giving him the power to transform into a wolf. However, this ability was only possible with the aid of Midna and he cannot do so naturally." "Oh well. When you've got an invisible backpack holding all sorts of weapons, I guess you don't need claws and fangs. Give me the hookshot any day." "One of Link's most powerful attacks is the Triforce Slash. It targets an enemy with overlaying designs of the Triforce and allows Link to strike multiple times before sending the enemy flying. Any enemy caught in the slashes also suffers this fate." "Looks like everyone's blasting off again!" "While Link is smart enough to solve several different puzzles in the various temples, he doesn't seem to have any way out of helping Princess Zelda when she beckons for help." "I've said it before and I'll say it again. Put out already, lady!" The last cut scene doesn't need any spoken dialogue. Link delivers the finishing blow with his master sword as he jumps above Ganondorf's fallen body. The rest of the few seconds are filled with Ganondorf's deep scream. ---Death Battle--- "All right," declares W, "The combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all." "Screw Attack Advantage program!" shouts B. "... Are you done?" "Yeah. Time for a Death Battle!" ---Death Battle--- Looks like we're back to open field settings. There's nothing but grass on the ground on a bright sunny day. The red farm pony enters from the left of the screen as the elven man enters from the right. No words are spoken. Simple nods from either combatant signify that they are ready. "FIGHT!" Link wastes no time and closes the distance between them. Within one foot, he performs a spinning slash with his sword. Big Macintosh flinches but only for a second. He turns slightly before giving Link a buck. The sheer force from the kick knocks Link over and onto his back. He grunts a little as he stands back up. He pulls out his Hero's Bow and fires an arrow. The stallion manages to turn just enough so that the arrow bounces off his yoke. He gallops forward. Link for his part starts throwing every ranged attack in his arsenal. Big Mac dodges a hookshot aimed to his right, a ball and chain thrown to his left, and a few bombs thrown around him. He's still charging strong. Link then pulls out his Gale Boomerang and tosses it in his opponent's direction. Initially the tornado-like gust manages to lift the red farmer pony off his hooves and he hangs about a foot off the ground. But eventually the wind subsides as the boomerang returns to its thrower. Big Mac lands with nary a scratch and continues galloping. The elf decides to take his chances and wields his shield proudly in front of himself. In range, Big Mac delivers a kick to the shield. While it does push Link back a few inches, he isn't fazed. He side-step rolls around the stallion and delivers an upward slash with his sword. Big Mac backs away from Link as the bruises he's taken start tolling on his health. Both honest fighters are feeling tired right now as illustrated by their heavy breaths. With a bright yellow flash on the elf's hand, he launches into his final attack. Two triangular patterns appear around the stallion as the hero of Hyrule delivers several, rapid-fire slashes in diagonal motions. As he pauses for the final slash, Big Mac manages to shake his head to free himself of the dizziness, though not from the Triforce patterns. For some reason, the camera pans to the left where we can't see the fighters. There's a white flash of smoke before we see Link flying away at an unbelievable pace. He screams as he soon disappears in a twinkle. Quickly panning to the right, the camera follows Big Mac following a similar flight path but in the opposite direction. The stallion lets out a much deeper yell as he too disappears in a star-like twinkle. What just happened? "Double K.O.!" ---Death Battle--- "Well, that was action packed!" comments B, "But what the hell happened there?" "It was clear that Big Macintosh had an advantage in strength," reflects W, "And that Link had an advantage in strategy and variety. Both of them used their advantages expertly in this fight. But the raw power of their colliding final attacks made sure neither of them left this battle unscathed." "Looks like they both found their place in the stars." "This Death Battle is a draw." Pictures of both contestants appear with the bold word "DRAW" underneath. ---Death Battle--- Credits roll as the Death Battle closing theme plays. Thanks for watching. --- A/N: Whew. Thirty chapters already in just over a month. If you had told me that's what was going to develop a month ago, I would have looked at you like you were crazy, but here we are. Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit from this. I'm sure the combatants are both fine. ...probably.