Do Humans Get Wingboners?
Rainbow Dash strummed a few strings on her guitar, bored. She looked up and put a hand on her hip. “Are you almost ready?”
“Almost.” A few feet away, Sunset Shimmer scribbled a few more notes on her clipboard. It was just the two of them alone in the science lab, medical instruments laid out on a tray on a nearby table, and other equipment Rainbow didn’t recognize surrounding her. Sunset nodded and moved on to a computer, typing on it rapidly. “Ambient temperature…” She looked at the thermostat on the wall. “Check…” She looked up to see Rainbow Dash staring at her impatiently. “Just making a few more notes and we’ll get started. Don’t worry about me, just worry about sustaining that transformation.”
“I thought you said you gave up on trying to figure out our magic,” Rainbow said. “Last time you tried to check out mine, you got plastered to the wall with magical rainbow splatter.”
Sunset blushed and coughed. “Yes, well, once I cleaned myself up, I collected some of it and it actually provided some very useful data. Same with the apples and the butterflies.” She frowned and rubbed her chin. “Though, all the samples I collected vanished inside of two hours. Which kinda killed the idea I had for Applejack solving world hunger with her music.”
“Uh-huh.” Rainbow stretched and checked her guitar’s tuning again. “So what do you need me to do? Just play like last time?”
Sunset nodded. “Exactly. This time, instead of trying to harness the magic itself – which really didn’t go well – I just want you to transform like normal. Even if I can’t understand the magic behind it, I can still conduct a physical examination to see how your physiology changes.”
Rainbow held up her hands. “Whatever. As long as we’re done this egghead stuff before lunch is over, Mrs. Harshwhinney gets on me for being late.”
“No problem.” Sunset pulled on a pair of safety goggles and stepped back. “Okay, let ‘er rip.”
Rainbow grinned and positioned her fingers on the strings. She only had to think for a minute before she began playing the opening chords of ‘Awesome As I Wanna Be’. Got my guitar, shredding up my latest tune… As she mentally sang the words, she felt a familiar tingling and opened her eyes. The glowing white wings were manifesting behind her. She bopped her head to the beat and recited the chorus aloud. “I’m awesome, take caution! Watch out for me, I’m awesome as I wanna be!” She strummed the last note louder, and the wings finished appearing, stretching into the air.
Sunset clapped. “Great work. Okay, you can stop playing now.”
“Huh?” Rainbow pouted. “Can’t I finish the song?”
“Once I’m done, sure. I don’t want you to expend any more energy, it might cause the transformation to reverse prematurely. Remember when we fought the Dazzlings and we turned back right after?”
“Right.” Rainbow put her guitar down on the table nearby. “So what do I do now?”
“Hold still and let me have a look.” Sunset approached Rainbow and moved behind her. “Do you feel any different?”
“A bit energized. And I can feel the wings back there.” Rainbow flapped them once to demonstrate.
Sunset nodded and peered closer at them. “Hm. Short, fine blue hair along the structural bones, then feathers emerging along the length. They match your skin tone.” She reached out and took hold of the tip, and gently rubbed.
Rainbow Dash’s eyes widened and her pupils dilated. Oh my gosh… A bolt of lightning shot down from Sunset’s fingertips, zipped down Rainbow’s wings to her spine, and then down further. She cast a discreet glance back, but Sunset seemed engrossed in her examination.
“Definitely like normal pony fur,” Sunset mused. She moved her hand inward along the length of the wing. “Overall shape is identical. They look the same as normal pegasi wings back in Equestria, just scaled up to match our larger bodies.”
Rainbow’s lips stretched in a silent squeak. Each time Sunset’s fingers touched her wings, sensation traveled down her wings and pooled beneath her skirt. She struggled to maintain her composure and rubbed her thighs together.
“Wonder how the skeletal structure is…” Sunset reached down and fingered the feathers emerging from the wing, counting them. “Same number of feathers as pegasi.” She rubbed one between her fingers. “They seem identical in design, just larger. I can’t be sure how identical without diagrams from Equestria, though.”
Rainbow breathed deeply and tried to keep her self-control. Behind her, Sunset took hold of the wing near the base and moved her hand back and forth. “Though, these wings seem much more rigid than pegasi wings. Rainbow, are you holding them this way?”
“No.”
“Hm.” Sunset moved her hand along the wing’s main bone, her fingertips tracing the edge. “Curious.”
Does she even realize what she’s doing to me!? Rainbow’s mouth hung open and her breathing was shaky. A bead of sweat rolled down her temple and she licked her lips. “S-Sunset?”
“Eh?” Sunset looked up. “What’s up?”
Rainbow gulped. “Uh… almost done back there?”
“Not quite.” Sunset reached into her lab coat and pulled out a measuring tape. “Let’s see…” She took hold of Rainbow’s left wing and held the end of the tape in place, then stretched it out to the tip of the right wing. “Wingspan is forty-six inches…” She moved the tape measure to go from the tip of the one wing to its base, then to the space between the base of either wing.
Rainbow’s hands shook. Her thighs were pressed so hard together it hurt.
“I have to double-check, but I think the ratios of your wing size to your body height is the same as it is for pegasi.” Sunset wrote down the measurements she had taken on her clipboard. “Now the question is how your physical condition relates to that of your Equestrian counterpart, but that’s difficult to directly compare.”
“Uh-huh.” Rainbow breathed deep, welcoming the break from Sunset’s examination.
“Now, this here is particularly fascinating…” Rainbow tensed again as she felt Sunset poke at the base of her right wing. “Your clothing here isn’t ripped or anything, it’s like a hole was sewn into it.” The finger swirled around the edge of the fabric, encircling Rainbow’s wing. “That would seem to imply the magic has some semblance of sentience, that your wings make your clothes shift design to accommodate them.”
“Ya don’t say.” Rainbow’s voice was so strained she barely recognized it as her own. Sunset’s prodding fingers at the base of her wings was worse than when they were at the tips, and her knees grew weak.
Sunset reached to the table and picked up a stethoscope. “Gonna see how the rest of your body is affected. You can feel it when I touch your wings, right?”
Oooh yes. “Yeah.”
“Good, I thought you would but best to be sure.” Sunset slid the end of the stethoscope up the back of Rainbow Dash’s shirt and pressed it against her back below her wings. Rainbow let out a squeak as the cold metal made contact. Sunset looked up. “You okay?”
“Awesome.”
“Right. I can’t get to your upper back with those wings in the way, but I should be able to get a heart reading down here.” Sunset put the earpieces in her ears. “Here we go. Take some deep breaths for me.”
Rainbow eagerly obliged, inhaling and exhaling rapidly. Every time she inhaled it felt like Sunset’s stethoscope pressed deeper against her, and she wondered how it would feel if she moved it further up, or ran it along her wings. This is so the wrong place, the wrong time, and definitely the wrong person to think that!
“Not so fast,” Sunset said, frowning. Rainbow nodded and slowed down. The breathing was working and calming her down, and she felt the tension in her lower body begin to loosen. She wasn’t fully sure if she was grateful or not.
“Heart rate seems elevated, but that could be any number of things.” Sunset withdrew the stethoscope and pulled the ends out of her ears. “Rainbow, are you feeling stressed or anxious or anything?”
Rainbow laughed nervously. “Anxious? About what? I’m fine, never better.”
“If you say so.” Sunset looked at the clock. “Okay, gonna wrap it up here.”
Thank you! “Okay.”
“Just one more thing.”
Damn you! “Okay.”
Rainbow felt Sunset’s hand touch the base of her right wing again. “Now, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way. I’m not trying to be funny, this is in the name of genuine scientific advancement.”
“What?”
“Do you feel weird at all when I touch your wings?”
Rainbow’s eyes shifted to the side. “Weird?”
“Well, some pegasi claimed their wings were erogenous zones.”
“Huh?”
“Er, having their wings fondled turned them on.”
Rainbow’s eyes bulged. “Oh,” she whispered.
Sunset rubbed the base of the wing again. “Like I said, not trying to be funny. Do you feel anything?”
“Mm-mm.” Rainbow bit her lip and shook her head.
“What about here?” Sunset’s hand moved closer to the base and her fingers pressed at the point where the main bone of the wing met Rainbow’s back.
OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGOSH. “Nope.”
Sunset rubbed her chin with her free hand. “There was one spot I always kept hearing about…” Rainbow paled. “I think…” Sunset’s hand moved directly between her wings, her fingers poised. “I remember it reminded me of a cat. Maybe here?” She drew her two fingers down the strip of skin running directly between Rainbow’s wings.
That did it.
Rainbow threw her head back and screamed. She arched away from Sunset’s hand and stumbled back. Sunset pulled out of the way as Rainbow fell on her back, still arching into the air with her mouth wide. She stayed that way for several seconds, and then collapsed to the ground. Her face was flushed and she gasped for breath. Beneath her, her wings lit up and shriveled away.
“Oh… wooo-o-ow.” Rainbow stared at the ceiling, blinking slowly.
“Oh no… I’m sorry.” Rainbow lifted her head. Sunset had her hands cupped to her mouth, her eyes wide. “I am so, so sorry, I didn’t mean to…” Sunset looked away. “Okay, so, um, yeah, that’s it.” She ran to the entrance of the lab and hurriedly pulled off her goggles and lab coat. “Yup, good, thanks for your help, great, and I’ll… bye!” Sunset grabbed her backpack, pulled the door open, and Rainbow heard her footsteps running down the hall. She lay her head back and closed her eyes.
She grinned and let out a giddy laugh.
“That was awesome.”
The bell to end school rang, and Rainbow jumped up and ran out into the hall as Mrs. Harshwhinney began to give the night’s homework. She weaved through the crowds coming out of the other classrooms and skidded to a halt next to Room 207. A line of students walked out, and Rainbow shrank back against the lockers to avoid being seen. Her targets came out of the room and she began following behind them.
Sunset was holding a textbook out to Fluttershy as she spoke to her. “And now that we’ve rearranged the equation to solve for y, we can substitute all of this back into the original equation and solve for x. See?”
Fluttershy smiled and nodded. “When Mr. Cranky explains it, it seems so complicated, but you explain it so much better.”
“It’s overwhelming when you realize how much work goes into it, but it’s not so hard once you get the hang of it.”
Rainbow ran up beside Sunset. “Hey girls!”
The two turned their heads. Fluttershy’s expression brightened. “Hi Rainbow Dash!”
Sunset’s eyes were wide and she stayed facing ahead, clutching her textbook to her chest. Rainbow grinned and kept pace with them. “So, Sunset, wanted to talk to ya about that test we did earlier.”
Sunset smiled awkwardly and finally turned to look back at her. “Oh?”
“Yeah.” Rainbow threw an arm over her shoulder. “I think we got some great data there, really good job. Maybe we can try again sometime?”
Sunset stared. “Excuse me?”
Fluttershy leaned her head forward. “What test was that, Rainbow?”
Rainbow turned her focus to Fluttershy. “Sunset was doing a test on my magic earlier. Went pretty well. But I think she needs more tests to really learn something.” Rainbow’s face brightened. “Hey, the tests she was doing were on my wings! Maybe she can try them with you sometime.”
Sunset screeched to a halt in the hallway and dropped her book, her face a mask of horror. On the other side of her where she couldn’t see it, Fluttershy nodded. “I’d be happy to help you, Sunset. I don’t have to be at the animal shelter for another hour, did you want to take care of it now?”
Sunset glared at Rainbow Dash and shook her head. “I’m busy. Maybe some other time.”
“Oh. Okay then. See you tomorrow!” Fluttershy waved and jogged down the hall.
Sunset pushed Rainbow back against the wall, ignoring the looks from the other students. “Are you for real?”
Rainbow shrugged. “Hey, I’m just trying to help you in the name of genuine scientific advancement.”
Sunset leaned closer to whisper. “You realize you just pimped me out to your best friend without her even knowing it?”
“Yup. Or you could just tell her what it’s all about. Either way, should be fun.” Rainbow smiled and patted Sunset on the shoulder. “Be gentle with her. It’s her first time.” She slid away from Sunset and walked away.
Sunset scowled. “I hate you!”
“That’s nice.” Rainbow waved over her shoulder. “Have fun with Fluttershy!”