The Diamond Exchange

by angelbunny

Solidarity

A pair of tiny hearts pounded rapidly in time with the frantic hooffalls of their respective owners as Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara sped across the grassy fields and dirt roads of Ponyville side by side. They ran so far that they left the high rent district behind them and were now running through the middle of town.

Silver Spoon felt that the distance they had cleared was great enough to chance a look behind them. Without stopping or slowing, she turned her head. Even with the moon and the few lampposts they had passed as her only light source, she could tell that there was nopony chasing them.

“Di,” huffed Silver Spoon, facing forward once again. “We’re... far enough... away. I think we... can stop now.”

“No,” huffed Diamond Tiara, her overworked forelegs a blurred tribute to the act of locomotion. “We’ll stop when... we reach... the police station.”

Silver Spoon slowed down to let Diamond Tiara take the lead. Once she had fallen behind, she caught the end of Diamond Tiara’s tail in her mouth, bit down, and planted all four hooves into the dirt road, raising a medium-sized dust cloud in the process. Diamond Tiara grunted as she tried to press onward with her forelegs. Unable to gain any ground, she turned around and looked at Silver Spoon,

“What are you doing?” asked an irritated Diamond Tiara. Silver Spoon released her friend’s tail from her mouth.

“Di, we’re not ratting Pinkie out to the police.”

“Like Tartaros we’re not! She told us she wants to kill us! Doesn’t that alarm you?”

“Of course it does... but what she did wasn’t normal for her. She could have just been delirious from being dehydrated... or maybe the potion she drank at Zecora’s was a poison and she’s having hallucinations.”

“She sure seemed healthy enough to me; at least healthy enough for attempted murder. I doubt she’s gonna give up just because we got away from her once.

“I understand how you feel but-”

“But nothing! I’ll be damned if I’m gonna sleep with one eye open until she keels over of old age. She needs to be behind bars!”

“Hey, you fillies go on home if you’re gonna yell like that at this hour,” said a stallion whose voice came from one of the nearby houses. The girls turned around to see that it was Mr. Breezy who had spoken to them from the front door of his home. He was dressed in his sleeping cap and pajamas and looked none too pleased about being disturbed from his slumber.

“Sorry, Mr. Breezy,” said Silver Spoon. “We’ll be quieter; we promise.”

Mr. Breezy nodded once and went back inside his house. Diamond Tiara eyeballed him with mild suspicion.

“You know that stallion?” asked Diamond Tiara in a softer voice.

“Sure, that’s Mr. Breezy,” replied Silver, using the same lower volume as Diamond Tiara. “He owns the town fan shop. I wandered in there one day and had a short chat with him. Decent guy. Funny, too.”

Diamond Tiara looked around to confirm that Pinkie was not around.

“Guess we really did made a clean getaway, huh?” she asked.

“That is what I was trying to tell you earlier.”

“Oh; what did you hit her with, anyway? She dropped like a rock back there.”

“Hm? Oh, with my hindhooves.” Silver Spoon shifted her weight forward and demonstrated by kicking her hind legs out at the air behind her. “I bucked her in the hoo-hoo.”

Diamond Tiara sputtered, closed her eyes, and then quickly covered her mouth with her forehooves. Silver Spoon got the impression that Diamond Tiara was weeping but she was actually laughing.

“You... you gave Pinkie Pie a cunt punt,” she whimpered, trying her best to reduce the volume of her laughter.

Silver Spoon blushed and smirked.

“What did you want me to do; try to take her on in a fair fight? I did the first thing I could think of to stop her before she hurt you.”

“Well, it worked.” Diamond Tiara wiped her eyes with her foreleg. “I owe you one.”

“You can repay the favor by hearing me out.” Silver Spoon pointed to Diamond Tiara’s harness. “Do you have any idea how much faster than you I can run with that thing strapped to your hind legs? I could have left you in the dust while she was busy wringing your neck but I went back for you because you’re my friend. I will never give up on my friends.” Silver Spoon stood nearly nose to nose with Diamond Tiara. “So, do you respect that kind of devotion?”

“It saved my skin so I guess I have to.”

“Okay.” Silver Spoon raised her right foreleg and pointed in the direction from which they initally fled the sewer. “Pinkie is also my friend.” She placed her foreleg back on the ground. “I’m not gonna let either of you come to harm if I can help it and I’m gonna help either of you when I think you need it.” Diamond Tiara turned her head and kept quiet as Silver Spoon spoke further. “I have an idea that doesn’t involve the police. Let’s go see Princess Twilight instead. We can tell her that we spotted Pinkie Pie going into the sewer... but we were never attacked.”

Diamond Tiara turned her head back to face Silver Spoon. She opened her mouth in an attempt to rebut with a protest but Silver Spoon cut her off by plugging her mouth up with her right forehoof.

“We were neverrrrr.... attacked,” reiterated Silver Spoon sternly.

Diamond Tiara frowned and took two steps backward, freeing her mouth of Silver’s hoof. She gently spat a blade of grass from her mouth and failed to suppress a grin.

“You put grass in my mouth just now,” chuckled Diamond Tiara.

Silver Spoon grinned and giggled.

“I did?” she asked. “Hee hee hee. Sorry about that.” When the incident had lost its comedic novelty, Silver Spoon continued telling Diamond Tiara her idea. “I’m almost positive that Princess Twilight isn’t gonna call the police to catch Pinkie unless there’s absolutely no other way to catch her themselves. I’ll bet that they won’t even wait until morning to go in after her. She and her friends will bring Pinkie back to the surface where they can look after her. If there’s any hope for her to be cured, it’s with them.”

“But what if she can’t be cured?”

Silver Spoon shifted her jaw as she contemplated that possibility.

“If she can’t be cured and she’s still Tartarusbent on killing us, then I guess she’ll have to be institutionalized. That’s kind of the same as being locked up.” She wrinkled her brow and bit her lip wistfully as she waited for Diamond Tiara’s reply.

The pink earth pony filly rolled her eyes, closed them, and hung her head. Silver Spoon fidgeted as Diamond Tiara remained uncharacteristically silent for a while.

“All right,” she said resolutely as she stood up straight and reopened her eyes, blinking several times. “I think my idea is a better long term solution but – because she’s a friend of yours, we’ll handle this your way.”

Silver Spoon blinked.

“W-We will?”

“Yeah, but let’s hurry, okay? I’m exhausted. I want a shower and a bed as soon as possible.” Diamond Tiara’s eye caught the moonbeams bouncing off the massive crystal star atop the Castle of Friendship. As she trotted in its direction, Silver Spoon followed her.

“You’re seriously gonna do this my way?” asked Silver Spoon.

“Yeah. Is that so surprising?”

“Very. I didn’t think you’d go along with it without putting up more of a fight. You’re usually pretty insistent on doing things your way.”

“What are you talking about? I let you have your way sometimes.”

“When? Name one time.”

A smirk crept up on Diamond Tiara’s face.

“I let you have that ice cream float once.” She rolled her eyes innocently and scrunched her lips to suppress a smile.

“You were SUPPOSED to let me have that ice cream float, you gooney bird!” squawked Silver Spoon, half-appalled and half-amused by such an outrageous statement. She sidestepped into Diamond Tiara to shove her playfully with her shoulder and Diamond Tiara chuckled at the reaction. “It was mine to begin with and you swiped it from me right in front of my face.”

“Okay, you’ve made your point. Well, you’ll be happy to know that you’ll be getting your way more often. I’m a changed filly now and it wouldn’t do me any good to ignore the wise advice of my best friend or my PR pony.”

Diamond Tiara’s ear rotated as it detected a sniffle. She stopped walking, turned around and saw that Silver Spoon had fallen behind. She was standing still and crying softly. Diamond Tiara’s ears drooped and she gave an irritated sigh as she walked back to her emotionally distraught friend.

“What now?” bemoaned Diamond Tiara, taking care not to sound too harsh.

“I’m sorry,” whimpered Silver Spoon as she raised her glasses with her right forehoof and rubbed her eyes with her left. “It’s just that... now that I have time to think about it... I’m sad that you couldn’t confide in me about what your female parent did to you.”

Diamond Tiara facehoofed.

“Oh, for the love of– You’re beating yourself up over that?” Silver Spoon nodded. “Well, don’t. If none of the foal psychologists that my dad took me to see could break down my walls, nopony could. Keeping it to myself had nothing to do with you and everything to do with me.” Her expression softened. “But if it makes you feel any better, if I had ever decided to let my guard down and confide in anypony, it would have been with you. Now that the cat’s out of the bag, I can give you more details about her if you want.”

Silver Spoon reached out and hugged Diamond Tiara’s neck.

“When I think about somepony hurting my beautiful Diamond’s feelings... it hurts me.” She lifted her glasses with her right forehoof, rubbed her eyes, and returned her foreleg to the task of hugging. “And when the pony who hurt you was somepony who should have loved you... I’m just so sorry I couldn’t help you.”

Diamond Tiara grinned. She lifted her right forehoof and patted Silver Spoon’s foreleg.

“Hey, what’s done is done.” Diamond Tiara unwound her friend’s forelegs from around her neck, prompting Silver Spoon to place her forelegs back down to stand on all fours. “I appreciate the thought but there was nothing that anypony could have done about it, let alone you. We were both really little. Plus I’m pretty sure you were going through your own stuff with your parents at the time.”

Silver Spoon nodded. She sniffled and wiped her nose on her foreleg.

“Mm. Y’know, when I was younger, I used to cry when my parents left the estate because I missed them and wanted them to stay. But when I got older and stopped crying when they’d leave, I remember thinking ‘why doesn’t it bother me anymore when they go away?’ and I guess it was because I was old enough to understand that they didn’t care. Whether I cried or didn’t cry, they left me behind every time to go back to their studios. Why bother getting upset over it, right? Now, I’m likelier to cry when they are around.”

As they stood eye to eye, Silver Spoon recoiled slightly at an inexplicable frown that had formed on Diamond Tiara’s face.

“Remember when I said I didn’t mind forehead kisses?” asked Diamond Tiara.

“Y-Yeah?”

Diamond Tiara’s frown revealed itself to be false as a grin quickly took its place. She lay her right foreleg behind Silver Spoon’s head and gently pressed down to lower it. Silver Spoon found her snout nearly touching Diamond Tiara’s chest. One moment later, she found her heart and soul instantly transported to a sea of pure bliss as she felt an angel’s lips grace her forehead for the first time.

Diamond Tiara released Silver Spoon and took a step backward. Silver lifted her head and stared blankly at Diamond Tiara. With a single forehead kiss, her friend had wiped away her sorrows and, as she felt her face turn bright red, she wondered if her beautiful diamond was truly aware of the level of power that those lips had over her. There was some bittersweetness that came with the knowledge that she would never feel them press against her own lips but not enough to sully this moment. If this was the closest thing to a kiss as she was ever going to get, she would treasure it for as long as she lived – and dare to hope for many more just like it.

“Now can we get a move on before I collapse from exhaustion?” asked Diamond Tiara as she resumed her trip to the castle.

Silver Spoon shook her head vigorously to return herself to the here and now.

“Y-Yeah, sure,” she replied, shuffling along after her to be by her side.

“Hey, after we wrap things up with Princess Twilight, do you wanna sleep over tonight?”

“I’d love to... but I’ll need to run back to my house to let Bertram know that I’m spending the night at your place.”

“Okay. Want me to tag along?”

“Sure. I have to be back at my place early for tutoring tomorrow morning so we can’t stay up too late, okay?”

“No argument here. How’s that whole home schooling thing going, by the way?”

“Not too bad. The tutor’s a really nice guy. Now that we’re friends again, were you still interested in enrolling in his classes with me?”

“You bet. I just have to talk to my dad about it and he’ll get the necessary paperwork drawn up and all that. Oh, say, do you remember Zippoorwhill?”

“Zippoorwhill... Zippoorwhill...” Silver Spoon pushed her cheek out with her tongue, lost in thought. “Where have I heard that name before?”

“The first runner-up in the LME pageant?”

“Oh, yeahhhhh; that hyper pegasus filly who kept hovering above the stage every three minutes.”

“Uh-huh.” Diamond Tiara grinned. “She and I are friends now.”

“Really? When did this happen?”

“Earlier today.”

“Is she here in Ponyville?”

“Nah, I bumped into her at the Canterlot train station. She’s in Las Pegasus.”

“What were you doing all the way in Canterlot?”

Diamond Tiara hesitated.

“Shopping.”

“Did you get anything cool?”

Diamond Tiara hesitated again.

“My new tiara.”

“Ah. Did Zippoorwhill have anything to do with you apologizing to me?”

“I’d say she played a part in it; yeah.”

“Huh. Then I guess I owe her a debt of thanks.”

“She remembers you, you know.”

“No kidding?”

“No kidding. And she totally wants to hang out with both of us.”

“Well, can you blame her? We are pret-ty cool, after all.”

“Yep. Oh, and she’s a filly-fooler, too. Who knows; maybe you two will hit it off and start dating.”

Silver Spoon shot Diamond Tiara a look of suspicion.

“You are so lying,” blurted Silver Spoon.

Diamond Tiara grunted.

“You’re getting better at seeing through my lies,” she remarked with a smirk. “Stop that.”

As they made their way to the castle, Diamond Tiara ground her teeth. Silver Spoon was not as good at detecting lies as she led her to believe.

And that suited Diamond Tiara’s needs just fine.

“Goodness gracious!” exclaimed Rarity. “Why, I don’t think I’ve ever seen this many tiny stones set in a single piece! I’d love to know the name of the jeweler who cut them.”

Fluttershy smiled nervously and fidgeted in her throne as Rarity held her foreleg while enthusiastically inspecting her diamond wedding bracelet with a jeweler’s loupe. She was in the company of her best friends minus the still missing Pinkie Pie. This late night gathering in the throne room was for the surprise announcement to Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash, all of who were unaware that their friend had recently tied the knot.

“Here’s what I’d love to know,” stated Rainbow Dash as she glared at Fluttershy. “Have you lost your mind?” The irritated weather pony hovered over the map table with her forelegs crossed over her chest.

“Oh, go easy on her, Rainbow Dash,” said Rarity as she continued to inspect the diamonds set within the bracelet. “Fluttershy is a smart, independent young mare – and it’s every mare’s prerogative to better her station in life by whatever means are available to her.”

“Oh, um, actually, Rarity,” said Fluttershy, “I signed a prenuptial agreement before Richie and I eloped. I’m not legally entitled to any of his money.”

Rarity’s loupe fell from her eye and swung pendulum style from the chain around her neck.

“I see.” Rarity closed her eyes, cleared her throat, placed her forehooves on either side of Fluttershy’s face, and squeezed her cheeks together. “HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND!?”

Fluttershy gently pushed Rarity’s forehooves away.

“No, I haven’t,” declared Fluttershy. “It was my idea to have the prenup written up, you guys. I want Richie’s love; not his money. Applejack, Rarity; you two have been my friends since I came to Ponyville. And Rainbow Dash; you’ve been my friend even longer than that. Have any of you ever known me to be motivated by money?” Nopony answered.

“You sure as Tartaros weren’t motivated by common sense,” posited Rainbow Dash. “You married a murderer... and you tricked me so that you could go through with it.”

The butter yellow pegasus glared at Rainbow Dash.

“Yer talkin’ about her husband, Rainbow Dash,” stated Applejack tersely. “Show a little respect.”

“Well, excuse me, but murder’s a pretty hard thing to overlook.”

“So is this,” muttered Rarity as she rolled onto her back and took Fluttershy’s wedding band foreleg between all four hooves, cooing as she marveled at the tiny diamonds with her loupe again.

“Rainbow does kinda has a point there, Fluttershy,” said Applejack. “Ah’m all fer romance an’ all that mushy stuff... but marryin’ a fella who confessed ta murder? You’ve gotta understand that we’re more than a little worried aboutcha.”

Rarity sat up, removed her loupe via telekinesis, and cleared her throat.

“Now, Fluttershy, darling, I mean no disrespect to you or your husband,” she said. “but, exquisite baubles aside, I feel that Applejack speaks for all of us. You’re such a sweet, trusting soul and, as your friends, we’re simply looking out for your best interests. The timing of your marriage is rather... um... shall we say... unfortunate?”

Fluttershy didn't answer Rarity. She was still glaring at Rainbow Dash.

“You think you’re so much better than my husband, don’t you, Dashie?” asked Fluttershy.

“Hah! Do you even have to ask? I know I’m better.”

“Applejack? Do you think you’re better than Richie?”

Applejack scratched the back of her head and chuckled awkwardly.

“Well, ah mean, ah don’t go around sayin’ ah’m better than anypony but ah ain’t never beat a pony ta death, neither... so there’s that.”

“See?” asked Rainbow Dash. “Applejack gets it.”

“So you all think you’re better than Richie,” stated Fluttershy.

“Just a moment,” said Rarity. “You didn’t ask me.”

“Did I need to?”

Rarity closed her eyes and primped her mane.

“Heavens, no... but you should have asked me regardless. It’s rude to exclude me.”

“Well, since it’s unanimous, I’ll give you all a chance to prove just how much better than him you all are.”

“And we’re gonna do that how, exactly?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“By having you participate in a demonstration. Twilight? The sack and pointer, please.”

Twilight nodded. She telekinetically opened the compartment under Fluttershy’s throne and removed two items: a filled burlap sack and a long, smooth wooden stick. Fluttershy used her mouth to pluck the pointer out of the air as Twilight rested the bag on the edge of the map.

“This is a chalkboard pointer,” stated Fluttershy. She held it in her hoof and lifted it for everypony to see. “It’s similar to the one used by Cheerilee.” Fluttershy looked at Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash. “The first part of this demonstration involves me hitting each of you once across the backside with it.”

Rainbow Dash squeaked and quickly placed her forehooves over her rear end.

“What kind of sick demonstration is this?” she asked.

“I’m not doing it for fun,” replied Fluttershy. “I’m trying to prove a point.”

“How does whacking my butt with a stick prove a point?”

“Get down here and I’ll show you.” Fluttershy

Rainbow Dash reluctantly lowered herself to the floor and stood on all fours.

Rarity blinked nervously and primped her mane as she approached Fluttershy.

“Ah, Fluttershy, darling, I’d, ah... I’d like to decline to be a part of this demonstration,” said Rarity, smiling nervously. “It’s not very... ladylike.”

Fluttershy shook her head.

“All three of you are participating,” she declared.

“Three? Why does Twilight get a pass?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“Because she understands that she’s not better than anypony; not even my husband.” Twilight gave a halfhearted grin. “Now if there are no further interruptions, I’ll begin.”

“You’re taking this awfully well,” said Rainbow Dash to Applejack.

“It’s just one smack,” noted Applejack. “Shoot, ah remember mah Granny Smith givin’ me a lickin’ one time fer playin’ with her kitchen matches. Sure learned mah lesson. Ah never went near them matches again.”

Fluttershy walked behind Rarity. Sweat drops raced down the unicorn’s forehead.

“Oh, are we... starting with me?” she asked nervously.

Fluttershy wound her foreleg back and struck Rarity’s rump with the pointer. The sound it created rent the silence of the throne room like a clap of thunder.

“YYYES!!” screamed Rarity with elation.

Everypony turned to silently stare at Rarity whose face was crimson with embarrassment. Her eyes shot around the room to meet the eyes of her friends who were quite puzzled by her reaction.

“Y-Yes... is... what you should have said before hitting me,” noted Rarity softly. “I was expecting you to answer me with a ‘yes’ first so that I could brace myself for the impact. I wasn’t prepared for – WHY ARE YOU ALL LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT?!”

The ponies who were looking at Rarity now looked away from her.

Fluttershy struck Rainbow Dash next.

“YOW!!” cried Rainbow Dash.

Fluttershy then struck Applejack. The earth pony flinched from the discomfort caused by the pointer.

“Gold-durn-it, that smarts,” she grunted, rubbing her rump with her right forehoof.

“Did you have to hit me so hard?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“Oh, she hit me just as hard as she hit you, ya big baby,” Applejack reminded her.

“Yeah... but my rump is lean. Yours can take it because it’s so huge and fat.”

Applejack neighed at the insult.

“You need ta getcher eyes checked cause this here rump o' mine gets worked off daily from sunrise ta sunset!” she barked. “The only fatty deposit around here is the one between yer danged ears.”

Applejack and Rainbow Dash suddenly flinched. They turned to look at Twilight. The alicorn looked at them with a grin and waved. Having no interest in calling forth Twilight’s Royal Canterlot Voice again, the bickering friends shelved their argument for another time.

“Now, on a scale of one to five,” said Fluttershy, “raise your foreleg if you would rate the pain you felt from the pointer as a one.”

There was no response.

“Two out of five?”

Still no response.

“Three out of five? Four out of five?”

The three participants raised a foreleg.

“So it’s unanimous; getting hit with this thing even once isn’t very fun. To a foal, it would hurt a lot more so add two to that number you selected. Now follow me.” Fluttershy flew to the map table and the girls walked there to join her. “Okay, the witnesses stated that Diamond Tiara got hit for a little under a minute straight before the attack stopped. We’re going to simulate the duration of that attack. I’m going to hit this bag of Critter Chow with the pointer for fifty seconds straight.”

“That’s what it’s called?” asked Applejack, raising an eyebrow and wrinkling her nose. “Just ‘Critter Chow’?”

“Yes.”

“No brand name or nuthin’?”

“It’s government issued so no.”

“How many different species o’ critters’ does Critter Chow feed?”

“A few.”

“How many is a few?”

“Around... thirty, I think.”

“Thirty? How’s that even possible?” She walked to the bag and examined it. “Shoot, ah might have ta get some o’ this fer mah farm animals if it feeds that many. Probably cut down on expenses.” Applejack turned the bag upright and held it as she looked at the ingredients on the label. “Well, wouldja look at that? There’s dried apple in this.”

Fluttershy struck Applejack’s hoof with the pointer. The blow was not intended to cause harm as Fluttershy could have easily hit one of Applejack’s more sensitive body parts. Startled by the sound, Applejack retracted her forelegs and released the bags.

“Focus, AJ.”

“Right. Sorry.”

“It’s okay. Now, as I was saying, I’m going to hit this bag repeatedly. You all felt how badly it hurts. As I hit it, I want you all to close your eyes. Rainbow Dash, every time you hear this bag getting hit, I want you to imagine somepony hitting Scootaloo on the bottom with the pointer, okay?”

“This is weird but... okay.”

“Applejack, I want you to imagine the same scenario except with Apple Bloom.”

“Mah little sis would never do what Diamond Tiara did ta Cheerilee.”

“I’m not suggesting that she would. All I’m saying is that you imagine she’s being hit.” She turned to face Rarity. “And Rarity, picture Sweetie Belle in the same situation. Ready?” Fluttershy approached the sack on the table and nodded to Twilight. The alicorn princess conjured a wall clock and levitated it above the table within sight of Fluttershy. “I’ll begin as soon as the second hand on the clock reaches the twelve.”

The second hand reached the twelve and Fluttershy began to hit the bag repeatedly. The mares blinked from the sound of the first strike upon the bag. They associated the hit they felt on their rumps with a similar strike on their loved ones. They knew that the Cutie Mark Crusaders had no love for pain and would easily be brought to tears within the first three strikes of the pointer.

“That’s ten seconds,” noted Fluttershy without pausing in her assault on the sack. “Picture them screaming.”

The thumping of the pointer against the burlap bag went on.

“Twenty. Picture them crying.”

Fluttershy maintained a steady pace.

“Thirty. Picture them bleeding.”

A dust cloud of pulverized chow was now wafting through the air.

“Forty. Picture them so scared that they lose control of their bladder.”

After a few more seconds had passed. The thumping finally came to an end.

“And that makes fifty.”

Fluttershy placed the pointer on the table and caught her breath. She coughed and flew to a small refreshment stand where she poured herself a glass of ice water. She chugged it down, dabbed her forehead with a cloth napkin, and returned to her friends.

“Fifty seconds is an eternity when you’re being hurt, humbled, and humiliated,” she noted. “Suppose that it was the Cutie Mark Crusaders who were attacked instead of Diamond Tiara. You love those fillies. Wouldn’t the news of their abuse make you sick? Upset? Furious? Out of your mind with rage?” Fluttershy’s long pink locks bobbed as she turned her head quickly to face Applejack. “Applejack, you said you’ve received a lickin’ from Granny Smith. Was that lickin’ fifty seconds long?”

“Nah. Three – maybe four seconds, tops.”

“Were they administered with something this big?”

“Nah. She just used a switch. It smarted somethin’ fierce as I recall but it didn’t smart nuthin’ like that there pointer did.”

“With that in mind, what if you had heard that the pony who sent Apple Bloom, your flesh and blood, to the emergency room was hiding in your barn? Could you contain your anger long enough to find a police officer?”

Applejack closed her eyes.

“Honestly? No.” She opened her eyes with a grimace. “Did Diamond Tiara really get hit fer that long?”

“At least that long. She needed over a dozen stitches to repair the damage done to her rump.”

“An’ she went ta the bathroom on the classroom floor?”

“With all of the students watching.”

Applejack swallowed and averted her eyes.

“Land sakes, Cheerilee.”

Fluttershy walked to Rarity. The unicorn was trembling slightly and covering her mouth with her left forehoof.

“What about you, Rarity?” asked Fluttershy. “You love your little sister every bit as much as Applejack loves her little sister. What if it was Sweetie Belle who was mercilessly brutalized and you knew where to find her attacker? Would you be able to calm down enough to gallop to the police station to report the incident and let the authorities handle it by the book?”

“I...” Rarity paused and averted her eyes. The corner of Fluttershy’s mouth curled in a brief smirk – for she new that the demonstration had had the desired effect on Rarity.

“I’ll take that as a no.”

Fluttershy left the unicorn to her contemplation. She approached Rainbow Dash next.

“And what about you, Rainbow Dash?” Rainbow folded her forelegs, flapped her wings, and hovered above the table once again. Annoyed, Fluttershy did the same and hovered beside her. “I know you too well, Miss Kick-Flank-First-And-Ask-Questions-Later. There’s no way that you wouldn’t leave a sonic rainboom in your wake to catch up with Scootaloo’s abuser if you knew where he or she was so you could teach them a lesson.”

Rainbow Dash pursed her lips petulantly and turned her back to Fluttershy.

“No comment,” muttered Rainbow Dash.

Fluttershy grabbed Rainbow Dash in a hug from behind and beat her wings faster to account for the added weight she now bore. Rainbow Dash spat out a short yelp, unaccustomed to having her wings suddenly held still.

“If it means anything, I’m sorry I had to trick you,” said Fluttershy. “I hope you can forgive me some day.”

Rainbow Dash wriggled out of Fluttershy’s grasp. She flew under her own power again – and kept her back turned to Fluttershy.

“Don’t you worry none, Fluttershy,” said Applejack. “Rainbow’s as tough as they come but when her pride’s wounded, she tends ta sulk fer a while.”

“Hmph,” remarked Rainbow Dash.

Fluttershy sighed dejectedly. She lowered herself over her throne and sat in it. She faced her friends who had also taken their seats – Rainbow Dash included.

“It’s called parental instinct, girls,” said Fluttershy. “Animals that raise their young respond with deadly force when some dangerous predator threatens them. That instinct is invaluable because it’s what allows their species to survive. Ponies aren’t much different. Though we may be intelligent, that instinct is still imprinted in the back of our minds. If somepony or something tries to hurt the little ones in our care, the heart beats faster, the adrenaline pumps, and civility goes out the window. The response is primal, not logical.”

She looked at Applejack and Rarity, noticing that she had their undivided attention. Rainbow Dash’s mindset was not as easy to read; either she was listening while pretending to be indifferent or indifferent while pretending to listen.

“I’m not saying that Richie should have ended Cheerilee’s life,” continued Fluttershy. “You know me well enough to know that I don’t wish anypony dead. Nor am I saying that he did the right thing by ending Cheerilee’s life. I’m only saying that we all have ponies that we love and those instincts can temporarily override our ability to do the right thing. In the heat of the moment, things can happen. Just when Richie needed his rational thinking the most, he gave in to his instincts... but he wouldn’t have been put in that position in the first place if Cheerilee hadn’t hurt Diamond Tiara first.”

Fluttershy flapped her wings and left her throne, flying a few feet above the map table.

“Richie did a very bad thing to somepony who also did a very bad thing. That doesn’t make him a hardened criminal. He’s done a lot of good for the citizens of this town. He’s created jobs, he’s made donations to charities... and, yes, he took a life... but he did what any emotionally distraught parent or guardian in this town would have felt compelled to do. He went too far but I know in my heart that he’s no further threat to anypony who hasn’t provoked him by hurting his loved ones. And you’re going to think me lovesick for saying this but, oh... I just know that he didn’t marenap or rape Cheerilee. His story makes way more sense than what everypony thinks he did! I’d bet my life that he’d pass a Seeds of Truth test without batting an eye.” Fluttershy hung her head, closed her eyes, and sighed. “If only the seeds were admissible in court.”

She opened her eyes and looked at her friends.

“That’s everything I’ve got, girls. If any of you still think you’re better than my husband after my demonstration, I honestly don’t know how else to argue my point. I can only add that I know that I’m just as safe in his company as his daughter is.”

“We get where yer comin’ from, Fluttershy,” said Applejack. “Honest, we do. And if you believe in his innocence ‘bout his other charges, then we support this marriage.”

“I once told that bully of a dragon that I’d rip him to shreds if he had hurt Spikey-wikey,” stated Rarity, breaking her silence. “If anypony or anything had tormented my little sister the way Cheerilee hurt Diamond Tiara...” Rarity bit her lower lip and shook her head slowly, taking her time to complete her thought. “...I’d do something terrible to them.” She took a deep breath and exhaled. “Yes, Celestia forgive me, but I do believe I’d do something quite terrible to them.”

“Ya mean like sing ‘Diamonds of Three, How Ah Love Thee’ ta them?” asked Applejack with a sly grin.

Rarity smirked.

“Go to Tartarus, Applejack,” suggested Rarity.

Applejack chuckled and then turned to face Twilight.

“All kiddin’ aside; Twilight? Ah don’t know exactly whatcha can and cain’t talk about regardin’ the trial but this weddin’ has got to put you in an awful bind, seein’ as how you’re the actin’ judge. Ah mean, you might have ta sentence him ta aitch-ay-en-gee.”

“Not only can I spell, Applejack,” said Fluttershy, “but I’m also right here. You can say ‘hang’. I won’t be offended.”

“Right, got it, Shy. So, since you’ve been so quiet, sugarcube, I’m wondering how you’re takin’ this latest development.”

Twilight pushed her left cheek out with her tongue and retracted it. She grinned and broke her silence, hoping that Applejack, representing the spirit of Honesty, wouldn’t pick up on the half-truths in her answer.

“I’m okay with it,” she said. “And so is she. I’ve spoken to Fluttershy privately and she’s graciously agreed not to hold my final impartial decision against me. We both knew what we were getting ourselves into when we took on our respective... endeavors. And even if I didn’t see it coming, a princess must be ready for anything. This is just one of those anythings.”

“That’s right,” said Fluttershy. The pegasus flew to Twilight and placed her right foreleg across the alicorn’s shoulders for a side hug. “Naturally, I’ll be hoping for an acquittal but I know that Twilight has a job to do. I’ll still be her friend, regardless of the outcome. The magic of friendship is more important than one equine life – even my husband’s life.” Fluttershy looked Twilight in the eye as she she spoke. “We spirits of the Elements of Harmony have to stick together no matter what, don’t we, Twilight?”

The princess figuratively tucked away in Fluttershy’s back pocket nodded.

A familiar burst of light filled the room as Discord appeared beside Fluttershy.

“Have you lost your mind?” he asked his pal.

Rainbow Dash smirked and looked at Fluttershy smugly, pleased to see that even Discord, the king of nutjobs, could grasp the lunacy of this marriage to Filthy Rich.

“No, Discord, I haven’t,” sighed an agitated Fluttershy, rolling her eyes at being asked the same question.

“Really?” Discord appeared to be quite surprised by Fluttershy’s answer. “Oh. Then I have no idea whose this is.” Discord held out his eagle claw to reveal a pulsating brain he was holding.

The ponies took one look at the gray organ in his claw and screamed.

“Unless...” Discord opened up the top of his head like a jar and felt around inside his skull with his lion paw. “Whoops! Silly me. It’s my own. Ha ha ha ha ha!” He placed the brain inside his skull and closed the lid. “I should have known that it wasn’t yours by how dirty it was. So sorry for startling you like that, ladies. You might even say it was...” A pair of dark sunglasses appeared on his face. “... thoughtless of me.”

“You came here just ta make that pun, didn’tcha?” asked Applejack.

“Oh, don’t be such a silly pony, Applejack. I came to join your little soirée.”

“And who invited you, exactly?”

“I did, Applejack,” said Fluttershy.

“Oh.”

“So – what have I missed?” asked Discord as he brought his palms together and rubbed them back and forth.

“Our friend Fluttershy has eloped with Filthy Rich,” said Rarity.

“Oh.” Discord rubbed his chin. “Are you happy?”

“Very happy,” replied Fluttershy.

Discord smiled.

“Well, congratulations; I wish you nothing but happiness with your new family, my dear. Life is too short to do much else apart from pursuing happiness; especially when there’s so precious little of it to go around.” Discord turned to face the other mares with a half smirk. “But I suppose your pony friends have already embraced your decision and congratulated you, haven’t they?”

Fluttershy grinned.

“Not yet they haven’t... but I’m sure they were about to. Weren’t you, girls?”

“Y-Yes, of course,” stuttered Rarity. “Congratulations, Fluttershy.”

Rarity, Applejack, and Twilight congratulated and hugged Fluttershy. Discord looked over at Rainbow Dash who was once again hovering in place with her forelegs crossed over her chest and her back turned to Fluttershy.

“What’s with her?” asked Discord. “She seems upset.”

“It’s a long story,” replied Fluttershy with a smile.

“Well, with the multiple crises in Ponyville, I suppose I should count myself lucky to see anypony smiling at all.”

“Crises?” asked Twilight.

“Haven’t you heard?” Discord produced a copy of the as of yet undistributed morning edition of the Ponyville Express and showed it to his friends. “Four stallions were found burned to a crisp in a cave on the edge of the Everfree Forest and a poor innocent filly was mauled to death by some madmare while on a train traveling just outside of Ponyville.”

“Oh, my gosh,” quavered Twilight, holding her head in her forehooves.

Rarity gasped and squealed as she telekinetically grabbed the paper and brought it to her face to read it.

“Oh, my goodness!” Rarity looked at Fluttershy and grimaced. “Fluttershy!” She turned the newspaper around and showed it to her. “The filly was Zippoorwhill!”

Fluttershy gasped and held her right forehoof to her mouth.

“You mean that cute little filly that the Pony Tones sang for at her cute-ceanera here in Ponyville?” Rarity nodded as tears welled up in both of their eyes. Fluttershy walked to Rarity and held her with a foreleg as they both began to sob softly. “Oh, the poor dear.” Applejack closed her eyes, removed her hat, and held it against her chest out of respect to the deceased.

“Was this Zippoorwhill a friend of yours?” asked Discord.

Fluttershy sniffled and nodded.

“We met.” She dabbed her eyes dry with her mane. “She was just the sweetest little thing.”

“Oh, dear.” He sat on the floor with his head hung low. “I feel just awful about being the bearer of sad tidings.”

“Yeah, right,” said Rainbow Dash, flying into Discord and pinning him to the floor. “Are you behind all of this?” Discord looked up at Rainbow Dash.

“Behind all of what?”

“Twist, Cheerilee, Pinkie Pie, the GeRMs, the burned stallions, Zippoorwhill... this town has gone completely insane!”

“Rainbow Dash!” spat Fluttershy. “Not. The. Time.”

“It’s all right, Fluttershy,” said Discord. His body melted into a gray goo which seeped through the floor and disappeared. Unnerved by the disappearing act, Rainbow Dash stepped back. That same gray goo poured from the ceiling into a puddle which built and solidified into Discord’s usual form. “I don’t blame you for suspecting my involvement, Rainbow Dash. I don’t deny that I have a checkered past so I won’t hold your accusation against you. However, if you must know, I draw the line at burning and mauling ponies. It’s just not my thing; too icky. I may be the Master of Chaos but chaos doesn’t stem from me exclusively. It has a life all its own... or were there no problems at all in Equestria before I was freed from my stone prison?”

Rainbow Dash didn’t answer him. She hovered and seethed.

“You want a scapegoat,” said Discord. “That’s perfectly understandable. But I would appreciate it if you’d look for one elsewhere because I had nothing to do with any of the current misfortunes that have befallen Ponyville.”

Rainbow Dash flew to the refreshment stand and kicked it over with a grunt, sending the tumblers and pitcher of ice water crashing to the floor. Water, ice cubes, and glass fragments scattered all around the floor. Discord snapped the fingers of his eagle claw and had turned the shattered glass into a glass statue of himself dressed in a baseball uniform with his lion arm rearing back to throw a ball.

“Discord,” said Fluttershy. “May I please speak with you privately?”

“But of course, my dear,” replied Discord. Fluttershy turned her head to look at her pony friends.

“Girls, will you please excuse us?” she asked.

The others gave Fluttershy their consent in unison.

Discord and Fluttershy stepped into an adjacent room; one which Rarity called dibs on converting into a ballroom. After closing the door behind them, Fluttershy turned around and looked at Discord with tearlogged eyes.

“First, could I please have a hug?” wept Fluttershy.

Discord answered the question with a nod and an open pair of mismatched arms. Fluttershy flew into his chest and released a few sobs as he held her trembling body. She liked Discord’s hugs because he was large and strong enough to hold her as effortlessly as a father would hold his infant daughter. She had selflessly been a caretaker for the animals in Ponyville since she was old enough to apply for the position. It was nice to be in someone else’s care, even for a moment. Discord fulfilled this temporary role for her with no judgment.

“Okay,” she said. “I’m feeling a little better now.” The draconequus released her and she hovered where she was at eye level with him. “Discord, you know I don’t like asking for favors... and I would never ask you for one for myself... but... that sweet little filly had her whole life ahead of her. You and I haven’t spoken about your magic very much. I don’t know the extent of your abilities so I hope you don’t mind me bringing it up; is there any way at all that you could bring Zippoorwhill back to life?”

Discord blinked and sighed.

“I wish that I could say that you were the first pony to ask that of me,” he said flatly. “When Equestria was under my rule, there were still some ponies who swore their fealty to me... not that I cared where their allegiances lay... and they too asked for what you’ve asked of me when their friends or loved ones were facing imminent death.”

“Could you please just say yes or no?” spat Fluttershy.

“Please be patient, my dear. The question you’ve posed isn’t so hastily answered.” He stroked his chin whiskers. “Perhaps some visual aids would help illustrate the situation.”

With a snap of his eagle claw fingers, a tiny pointy-hoofed representation of Zippoorwhill appeared on the ballroom floor. It looked just like her. It even wore a tiny crystal tiara. Fluttershy stared at the dainty doll-like figure with fascination, grinning as it flew, leaped, and danced across the floor to a tune played from a music box that she could hear but not see.

“I could animate Zippoorwhill’s body to make her appear as though she had never died,” continued Discord. “And I could even erase all signs of her injuries and decomposition... but she would forevermore be a puppet attached to my magical strings, having no thoughts of her own; no whims, no dreams, no joy... no interests. A pale imitation of life.” The music box chimes played out of tune and played slower; as though they were played on a malfunctioning phonograph record.

The cuteness that Fluttershy saw in the Zippoorwhill figure had vanished. Its movements which were at first carefree and capricious were now eerie and morbid. What was life if not a joint venture of the mind and the body?

“And if my magic were to be temporarily disrupted – like when Tirek drained it from my body – then she would collapse like the decaying carcass she is; a most unpleasant surprise for anypony who might be with her.”

The figure fell to the floor and shattered into dozens of crystalline fragments which turned black and then faded away.

Discord held Fluttershy firmly by her upper forelegs and brought her close to his face.

“Fluttershy,” he said. “Look me in the eye and tell me that that is something you’d chance visiting upon a bereaved parent for the sake of an illusion and I will do this for you without hesitation... but know that the responsibility for the consequences of your decision will be yours and yours alone to bear.”

Fluttershy’s eyes shot left and right as she considered the hypothetical situation before her. Her mouth opened and closed. She sighed and rubbed her forehead upon making her decision.

“Never mind,” said Fluttershy.

Discord nodded slowly.

“As I thought. I am truly sorry about your little friend... but once a pony has breathed their last, there is no creature in all the world that can do anything about it... nor should there be, in my opinion.”

There was a knock on the door.

“Come in,” said Fluttershy.

The door opened and Applejack entered the room along with Rarity and Twilight.

“Hey, Fluttershy, we got to talking and we think that it’d be in yer best interests ta leave town fer the time bein’.”

“Leave town? Why?”

“The GeRMs, darling,” replied Rarity. “If they ever found out that you married Filthy Rich, things could get ugly. You could be harassed; maybe even attacked.”

Fluttershy looked at Discord.

“With the exception of Richie, his servants, his lawyer, and the judge who married us, nopony else outside this castle knows about our marriage... and nopony else will find out. Girls? Discord? I need you all to Pinkie Promise not to tell anypony about my marriage.”

“Not even Spike?” asked Twilight.

“Especially not Spike. As good a friend as he is, he has a history of letting information slip. Oh, I almost forgot.” Fluttershy removed her bracelet and hoofed it to Rarity. “Please keep this in a safe place for me, Rarity. Nopony will think it’s unusual for you to have something like this.” Rarity nodded. She levitated the bracelet and placed it securely around her own wrist.

“I’ll take care of it as though it were my own,” said Rarity. “And you have our word that nopony else shall hear about the wedding.” She turned to look at Discord. “Discord, dearest, do you remember when you asked me to give you fair warning about incoming girl talk?”

“Yes, of course.”

“This is your warning. We’re going to talk baby showers and such.”

“Egad!” squeaked Discord with a cringe. “Understood. If there’s nothing further we need to discuss?” Fluttershy shook her head. “Then I will take my leave. Ta-ta.” Discord quickly vanished.

“Isn’t it a bit early ta talk baby showers?” asked Applejack.

“Oh, I didn’t really want to talk baby showers,” admitted Rarity. “I just said that to get him out of here.” Rarity smiled slyly and nestled up against Fluttershy. “Sooooo... just between us girrrrrls... would you say your husband’s...?” She held her forehooves a certain distance apart from one another. “Ah? Somewhere in that ballpark?”

“Rarity, you are so bad, girl!” said Applejack. “Why are ya tryin’ ta embarrass Fluttershy like that? Ya know she ain’t gonna share that information with...”

Fluttershy giggled and blushed as she placed both of her forehooves on both of Rarity’s forelegs and spread them farther apart to the approximate length in question.

“Sweeet Celllestiaaa!” marveled Rarity with an open-mouthed smile.

“Whoo, doggies,” said Applejack, biting her lower lip and blushing. “That’s aaaa... that’s a purty... impressive...” Applejack narrowed her eyes in incredulity. “Seriously?”

“Mm-hm,” peeped Fluttershy, covering her face with her forehooves.

“And does he know how ta use it?”

“Mm-hm,” peeped Fluttershy, still covering her face with her forehooves.

“Oh, yeah,” snorted Rainbow Dash sarcastically. “I’m sure Cheerilee appreciated every inch of your husband’s dick the whole time he was busy raping her. Did Filthy tie you up with duct tape, too? Or does he only do that to mares he’s about to bludgeon to death?”

Over the years of performing many different kinds of aerial stunts, Rainbow Dash was used to uncomfortable landings. Many of those were due to carelessness. This was not one of those landings. She landed flat on her rump and it was due to being kicked out of the castle over her sarcastic remark. The door slammed shut behind her, leaving the moon as her only companion this night.

“You know I’m right!” she yelled back at the door.

“Rainbow Dash?” said a voice. Rainbow Dash looked above her and saw Derpy relaxing on a cloud.

“Hi, Derpy,” said Rainbow Dash, flying to Derpy’s cloud and lying beside her. “You’re up late. Working a night shift?”

“I guess you could say that. What’s the matter?”

Rainbow frowned.

“Nothing.”

“Your friends kicked you out of the castle for doing nothing? That’s terrible. I get thrown out of my friends’ homes every now and then but I always did something first. Accidentally, mind you... but still.”

“Fluttershy went and got married to Filthy Rich.”

“She did?”

“Yeah, and get this: she even got knocked up by him!”

“Is she gonna have the baby?”

“Well, yeah, she’s married to the guy now; why wouldn’t she have the baby? She’d probably give birth to it tonight if she could. If Twilight didn’t have the guts to sentence Filthy Rich to hang before this, she sure as sugar won’t do it now. She’s putting on a good show; playing it off like she’s gonna remain impartial... but that stallion’s as good as free. And that sucks big time.”

“I’ll bet.”

“What frustrates me the most is that I’ve got loads of courage, plenty of speed, and lots of toughness... but when I’m up against something I can’t fix with those, I feel so ineffectual and stupid. Give me a huge monster to tackle head on any day of the week.”

“I understand.”

“I just don’t get it. I trusted Fluttershy. I’ve stood up for her... looked out for her all this time... and this is the thanks I get? How could she show me such... disloyalty? It’s like she doesn’t need me anymore.”

“She’ll always need you, Rainbow Dash. You’re one of her best friends.”

“Well, now she’s got a better friend: a marenapping rapist. Rape. Celestia, why does something as ugly as rape have to exist? It’s one of the worst things a pony can do to another pony next to murder... and Filthy Rich already confessed to doing that.”

“Yeah.”

Derpy winced and groaned as she held her midsection.

“S’matter?” asked Rainbow Dash, raising an eyebrow.

“I really have to poop! Too many oat bran muffins. See you around!” Derpy flew away, presumably to a bathroom or outhouse.

“O-kayyyy, thanks for sharing?”

Rainbow Dash spotted something on the ground out of the corner of her eye. She peered over the edge of her cloud and saw Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon approaching the castle. Having nothing else better to do, she flew down to greet them.

“Hey, guys,” she said. “What brings you here so late? And without an adult?”

“Hi, Rainbow Dash,” said Silver Spoon. “We came to see the princess. It’s an emergency.”

“Oh. Well, don’t let me stop you.”

Silver Spoon tilted her head.

“Aren’t you gonna let us in?”

“Oh, I’m not standing guard or anything.” She glared back at the castle. “I’m just chilling out here until somepony with common sense comes out here to apologize to me for being right.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Forget it. Just give a knock on the door and somepony should let you in. As it stands, your chances of getting in there are actually way better than mine.”

“Oh. Okay then.”

“Hey, Diamond Tiara,” said Rainbow Dash.

“Yeah?” replied Diamond Tiara.

“You’re a real bitch, you know that?”

Silver Spoon was about to angrily protest the insult to her friend when Diamond Tiara held out a hoof to silence her.

Diamond Tiara stepped forward and approached Rainbow Dash. She looked Rainbow Dash in the eye. Silver Spoon watched her friend with great curiosity. There was a certain calculated calmness about Diamond Tiara's demeanor in the face of being insulted that Silver would never have guessed Diamond Tiara was capable of.

“I know that I was a real bitch,” said Diamond Tiara softly. “But I also know that I’ve learned my lesson. I plan on taking responsibility for the things that I’ve done.”

“Yeah, right; like I’m just gonna take your word for it.”

“I heard you were a hero, Rainbow Dash,” said Silver Spoon. “Is that any way for a hero to treat other ponies?”

“It is when they’re her.”

Diamond Tiara’s eyes shifted from side to side. She turned back to look at Silver Spoon.

“Relax, Silver. I’ve got this.” She turned back to look at Rainbow Dash. She grinned at the surly pegasus. “Hit me.”

Silver Spoon gasped.

“Di, what are you saying?” she asked.

Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow.

“‘Hit you’?”

“Are you from Cloudsdale?”

“Yeah?”

“Then I’ll speak slower. Hit.... Me.”

Rainbow Dash smirked and bit her lower lip.

“You’re pretty good at pushing ponies’ buttons.”

“No, I'm not pretty good at it. I’m the best at it. Now hit me.”

“Um, how about no? Call me crazy but going to jail for assaulting a minor isn’t my idea of a good time.”

“No one else needs to know that you took a shot at me.” Diamond Tiara kept facing Rainbow Dash as she spoke. “Silver Spoon, if Rainbow Dash hits me, I want your word that you won’t tell a soul.”

Silver Spoon’s lips quivered as she spoke.

“D-Di, I’m not gonna-”

“Your word, Silver Spoon. I want it. Now.”

Silver Spoon hesitated to reply to this nonsensical demand.

“Fine,” she said. “You... have my word.”

“There,” said Diamond Tiara. “You’re in the clear. Now hit me. That’s what bitches get, after all. I found that out the hard way. So come on. Hit a bitch. You know you want to.”

“Nice try. Even if I wanted to hit you - which I don't - there are sentries posted on the castle walls watching us right now.”

“So drum up some fog and block their view. Or, since they obey you and your friends, order them to keep quiet about it. Do I have to keep coming up with solutions for all of your simple problems, you dimwitted, rag-maned, piss-tailed, split-hoofed, manure-for-brains mule? Now hit me.”

Silver Spoon trembled. Diamond Tiara appeared to want to repeat history by goading an adult into a fit of rage.

"Aren't you a little young to be a masochist?"

"Aren't you a little old to be a cloudbuster?" Rainbow Dash's eye twitched slightly at the riposte. "From what I know of cloudbusting, it's an entry level dead end job for pegasi who haven't applied themselves. Doesn't it bother you that some of your friends own and operate their own businesses while you're living a hoof to mouth existence for a fraction of what they make? Pinkie Pie makes more than you."

Rainbow Dash reared her head back and laughed.

“Ahhh ha ha ha ha ha!” She smiled as she looked at Silver Spoon. “Is your friend on salt or something?” Silver Spoon could only shake her head and shrug. “Listen, I don’t have to stand here and take this from you. Good bye.”

“So now that you’ve run out of excuses not to hit me, you’re running away?” asked Diamond Tiara. “Why won’t you hit me? Is it because you’re scared of me? Who would have guessed that the great Rainbow Dash would be afraid of a little foal?”

“You’re a regular riot. And for the record, I’m not afraid of anypony; especially not you.”

“Then hit me.”

“Kid, I don’t know who you think you’re impressing with all of this but it sure isn’t me. I don't let namecalling get to me.” Rainbow Dash began to walk away.

“You thought I had it coming when I got my plot beat by Miss Cheerilee, didn’t you?”

“You sure deserved something... but maybe not that.”

“Then here’s your chance to administer some discipline to me in the right dosage. Hit me.”

“Bite me.”

“So you're opposed to hitting me but you're okay with hitting on me? Rumors confirmed.”

Rainbow Dash stopped walking.

“Oh, dear Celestia,” muttered Silver Spoon.

The pegasus flew back to Diamond Tiara with narrow angry eyes.

“Excuse me?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“Oh, come on, Rainbow Dash,” said Diamond Tiara. “Everypony in Equestria already knows what you’re too scared to come out and say. They’re just afraid to say it to your face. I’m not – but why bother stating common knowledge? So – new plan. If you’re not gonna hit me...” Diamond Tiara turned around and lifted her tail to reveal her bandaged plot “...then do to me what comes naturally to you. If it helps, you can pretend I'm Scootaloo.”

Silver Spoon shrieked internally.

Rainbow Dash growled. Her face grew crimson with rage. She spun Diamond Tiara around and plunged her nose into Diamond Tiara’s nose. Diamond stood her ground.

“Kid,” said Rainbow Dash through clenched teeth. “You are seriously working my last hoofing nerve right now. So shut your hoofing mouth before I-”

“Before you what? Before you hit me?”

Rainbow Dash hesitated.

“Don't put words in my mouth,” she grunted.

"What would you prefer I put in your mouth?"

"Shut up!"

“No! Hit me!”

“No!”

“HIT MEEEEEEEEEE!”

“NOOOOOOO!!”

"STOOOOOOOOOP!" screamed Silver Spoon. She ran over to Diamond Tiara and Rainbow Dash, wedged herself between them, and pushed them apart with her forehooves. "Just stop it, all right?"

“All right,” she said as she stepped back and swallowed to moisten her dry throat. “You win, Rainbow Dash. I didn’t actually want you to hit me. I mean, I said all that stuff to make you angry enough to where you’d want to hit me but I’m glad you didn’t go through with it. I gambled my well being on the fact that, even when pushed to your limit, you knew right from wrong. It was a lot to risk. You don't have to risk a thing gambling that I know right from wrong.”

Rainbow Dash scratched her chin as she pondered Diamond Tiara’s words.

“Wow," she said. "That made absolutely no sense whatsoever... but I do have one question. Were you really willing to take a hit from me just to prove to me that you’d changed?”

Diamond Tiara nodded.

“Or to prove that you were no better than the bitch I used to be; whichever came first, really... but like I said, I’m glad your hit wasn’t your first choice.”

Rainbow Dash smirked.

“You’ve got guts, kid; I’ll give you that. We’re not pals or anything but you’ve shown me that you’ve at least got guts... and that counts for something in my book.”

“Thanks; I gambled on that, too.”

“I’ll be keeping my eye on you in the future. And when you’re all grown up and I see that you haven’t changed after all...” She smiled. “...then I really will hit you; a lot. Deal?”

Diamond Tiara grinned.

“Deal,” she said.

Rainbow Dash spat on her own right forehoof and extended it to Diamond Tiara. Diamond Tiara spat on her own hoof and extended her foreleg to hoofbump with Rainbow Dash. Before Diamond Tiara could react, Rainbow used her saliva-moistened hoof to give the filly a wet willy.

“GAAAH!” cried Diamond Tiara. She lowered the side of her head to the grass and rubbed it back and forth to dry out her ear. “Ewwwwwww! Gross, gross, groooooooooss!”

“That was for calling me a filly-fooler,” said Rainbow Dash with a satisfied grin.

Silver Spoon held her right forehoof to her mouth to hide her snickering from Diamond Tiara.

“Rainbow Dash, what’s going on?” said Rarity who had just exited the castle door. “A guard stationed on the walls just informed us that you were out here having a yelling match with somepony.”

“Rarity, you know Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, right?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“Oh. Yes. Hello, girls.” The fillies waved to Rarity.

“They’ve got something important to say to Twilight. Would you please escort them inside for me?”

“Certainly. Right this way, girls.” Rarity walked back to the castle door.

Silver Spoon sidled up to Diamond Tiara as they followed the unicorn into the castle.

“Di, that seriously could have gone really badly,” whispered Silver Spoon. “I was so worried back there.”

“A leader can’t be afraid to take chances,” whispered back Diamond Tiara.

“You’re not a leader yet. And if you keep pulling stunts like that, you may never get to be a leader. Promise me that you won’t try anything as dangerous as that with anypony ever again.”

“Silver, if I’m gonna accomplish any of the things I hope to accomplish, I’m afraid that’s a promise that I simply can’t keep.”

Fluttershy did a double take, surprised to see Rarity come back inside with the two fillies she brought along with her.

“Diamond Tiara? Silver Spoon?” The pegasus approached her stepdaughter and her stepdaughter’s best friend. “What are you two doing here at this hour? You girls should be at home in bed.”

“We know, Fluttershy,” said Diamond Tiara. “But we came here to tell you...” Fluttershy tilted her head, wondering why the pink filly seemed to be annoyed with herself. “...that we... saw Pinkie Pie.”

Fluttershy gasped and smiled.

“You did? That’s wonderful news!” Fluttershy turned her head. “TWILIGHT! APPLEJACK!”

The summoned mares ran into the hallway to see what the fuss was about.

“What’s goin’ on, Fluttershy?” asked Applejack.

“Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon might have a lead on where Pinkie Pie is!”

“No kiddin’? Well, don’t keep us in suspense, gals; where’dja see ‘er?”

“We saw her climb down a stallionhole,” said Silver Spoon.

Fluttershy clonked herself on the head with her left forehoof as though the answer should have been obvious.

“The sewer! Of course! Why didn’t anypony else think to check down there?”

“Well, we know where she’s been hidin’. Now all we have ta do is drag Rarity down the stallionhole with... us?”

Rarity had somehow managed to dress herself in record time. She was sporting a fashionable spywear outfit.

“You’re goin’ with us inta the sewer?” asked Applejack. “Willingly?”

“Yes.”

“You feelin' all right?”

“Yes! There’s no time to lose, everypony. Pinkie could be down there right now. She could be scared, hungry, or sick. I must help her. After all...” She smiled with determination as she placed a germ filtration mask around her muzzle. “...I’d die for her. I’m sure I can tolerate some bad smells long enough to bring her back home.”

Twilight smiled.

“Well said, Rarity,” she said. Twilight turned to face Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.

“There happens to be a substantial reward for information leading to Pinkie’s whereabouts. If we find her down in the sewer, it’s all yours; the reward, not the sewer.”

“Thanks, Your Highness,” said Diamond Tiara, “but if you do find her down there, please feel free to donate the reward to a local charity of your choice. Knowing that Pinkie Pie is back in the care of her best friends is all the reward I want.”

Good one, Di, thought Silver Spoon.

Twilight’s jaw dropped.

“That’s... remarkably noble of you, Diamond Tiara,” she said. “Very well; the reward will be donated to the Ponyville Golden Oak Library Restoration Fund.”

“Could you donate it to a local charity of your choice except that one?”

“Whaaaat?” squawked Twilight. “What’s wrong with restoring the library?”

“Nothing at all, Your Highness.” Diamond Tiara held her right forehoof to her mouth and giggled. “I was only messing with you. The Library Restoration Fund is fine.”

Twilight smirked.

“You got me with that one.” She turned to face Applejack and Rarity. “Well, we’ll be on our way then.” She turned to face Fluttershy. “Fluttershy? Considering your condition, you should sit this one out.”

“I understand,” said Fluttershy. “Thank you.”

“Rarity, AJ; you’re with me.” Twilight ran for the exit. “Is Rainbow still outside?”

“Roger that,” said Rarity.

“Wait,” said Applejack. “Before we go, have ya got any masks ta spare fer the rest o’ us, Rarity? It’s gonna be mighty ripe down there.”

“In my throne’s compartment,” replied Rarity as she ran to catch up with Twilight. “Just grab the whole box.” Applejack nodded and ran back to the throne room.

“Well, our work here is done,” said Diamond Tiara to Silver Spoon. “Let’s go.”

Fluttershy reached out and hugged Diamond Tiara gently. Silver Spoon was not pleased with somepony helping themselves to Diamond Tiara's personal space.

“What was that for?” asked Diamond Tiara, confused by the embrace.

“Oh, I‘m so sorry if I startled you.” Fluttershy released the filly. “I couldn’t help myself. I’m just so happy to see you.”

“Why? I mean, I know who you are and all... but we aren’t exactly well acquainted.”

“True... but that’s about to change very soon.”

“Why?”

“Are you gonna be teaching at Ponyville Elementary, Miss Fluttershy?” guessed Silver Spoon. Fluttershy turned to look at the gray filly.

“Oh, no, I’m far too busy tending to my animal friends’ needs to commit to a second job like that.” She turned to face Diamond Tiara. “I hope your father can forgive me for spoiling the surprise we had for you but... Diamond Tiara...” Fluttershy raised her foreleg to show the fillies her wedding bracelet but it was no longer in her possession. “Oops. Um, I’m your mystery dinner guest for tomorrow night. And the reason for my visit is that...” Fluttershy craned her neck out and whispered. “I... am your new stepmother.”

Diamond Tiara’s jaw dropped along with Silver Spoon’s. They looked at one another and then at Fluttershy.

“Are you surprised?” asked Fluttershy with a smile.

“Very!” Diamond Tiara adopted an awkward half-smile. “This is out of the blue.”

“Oh, and you’ll be pleased to know that I signed a prenup beforehoof.”

“Whew! Well, what a relief that is. I’m happy that my dad’s found a-”

“Shh!” hushed Fluttershy. “Careful. Not so loud.”

“I’m happy that he’s found a mare that he can be happy with,” said Diamond Tiara in a softer voice, “but he is still on trial. He could be sentenced to hang if he’s found guilty. Wouldn’t it have been wiser to wait until after the verdict to marry him?”

Fluttershy smiled widely.

“In this case, no. You’ll like this. My best friend Twilight – the acting judge in his trial – won’t sentence him to the death penalty as a favor to me because he’s now my husband.”

“Did she tell you that?”

“She can’t; not officially. But unofficially, it’s in the bag.”

“So by marrying my dad, you’ve actually saved him?”

“Yes! She might even have him acquitted.”

A wide smile formed across Diamond Tiara’s face.

“Really?”

“It’s pretty likely.”

“OH MY GOOOOOSH!” Diamond Tiara crouched and then hopped to throw her forelegs around the back of Fluttershy’s neck for a hug. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

“Inside voice, please,” reminded Fluttershy.

“You don’t know how much this means to me. You’re an angel.”

“That’s what he called me. And you may call me ‘Mom’ if you like.”

Diamond Tiara flinched and averted her eyes.

“I... I’m sorry but that’s a word I don’t use anymore... for anypony. My daddy probably told you why.”

“I understand. But I can think of at least one pony who’ll be calling me Mom.”

“Who?”

Fluttershy stood on her hindhooves and rubbed her tummy.

“The newest edition to our family,” she said with a smile.

Diamond Tiara’s jaw dropped. She pointed to Fluttershy’s tummy.

“You mean... the condition Princess Twilight mentioned was that you're pregnant?”

“That’s right.”

Diamond Tiara smiled widely.

“Well, well, well. You two lovebirds sure didn’t waste any time, did you?”

Fluttershy giggled.

“Is that any way to speak to your step...flutter?” All three ponies giggled. “Okay, it’s been fun having you here but it really is getting quite late. I’ll have our castle guards fly each of you back home via pegasus chariot.”

“That would be awesome.. but Silver Spoon actually wants to sleep over at my house tonight. Could you please have a pegasus courier fly to her house to let somepony there know she’ll be staying with me? It would save us a lot of time.”

Fluttershy nodded.

“You’ve got it.”

“Thank you, Miss Fluttershy,” said Silver Spoon.

“Oh, and one more thing: for security reasons, please don’t breathe a word to anypony about the marriage.”

“We won’t,” said Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara simultaneously.

“Thanks. Just go through that door when you’re ready to go home. The chariot pullers will be standing by.”

“Thank you.”

“I’ll go send that courier to Silver Spoon’s house. See you tomorrow at dinner, Diamond Tiara.”

“See you then.”

As Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara walked through the doorway and squeed over the fantastic news, Fluttershy flew down the corridor to find a courier. She heard a sudden noise that startled her. She turned around to find that the castle’s front doors glowed purple and had been swung open.

“APPLEJACK, HURRY UUUUP!!” yelled Twilight Sparkle. “WE’RE WAITING ON YOUUU!!”

“Erma cwmin’,” mumbled Applejack, her voice muffled by something obstructing her oral cavity.

“Applejack?” called out Fluttershy.

“Hm?” replied Applejack, opting not to turn to face Fluttershy for some unknown reason. Fluttershy flew in front of Applejack which resulted in Applejack turning away each time she attempted to look at her face. Fluttershy held Applejack’s face with her forehooves and forced her to look at her. Both of Applejack’s cheeks were stuffed with what must have been food – and Fluttershy had a pretty good idea what that food was.

“You’re eating my Critter Chow, aren’t you?”

“Hm?” mumbled Applejack. The earth pony continued to chew.

“I brought that from my cottage storeroom for the sole purpose of using it in my demonstration. That’s government issued feed. The weekly shipments are based on animal census records for the year. Ordering more of it would mean paying for it out of my own pocket.”

Applejack swallowed, smiled nervously, and blushed.

“Heh heh. Listen, Fluttershy, ah won’t lie ta you... so ah’ll just get goin’ then.” She sped past Fluttershy.

“Huh?”

“Wait up, y’all!” shouted Applejack to the party pony rescue party.

Fluttershy’s jaw dropped as the earth pony disappeared. She then frowned.

“Uh! Of all the...!” Fluttershy flew to the doorway where she caught a glimpse of Applejack’s tail disappearing into the darkness. “I don’t help myself to the apples in your trees!” Suddenly, she winced and blushed, recalling her chiropteran alter ego. “Um... a-anymore.”

She walked back in to the waiting room and approached the bag of critter chow. It had been opened in one corner. The hole was wide enough for a rude and hungry earth pony’s foreleg to scoop out a generous free sample or two. Or three. Not one to hold a grudge, she decided to laugh it off.

“Tch-tch-tch,” hissed Fluttershy as she shook her head. “That silly pony.”

She sniffed the bag. She then took a quick look around to see if any guards were passing by. Once she was certain that she was alone, she stuck her right forehoof in the bag, took out a hoofful of Critter chow and began to eat it.

She closed her eyes and grinned.

“Oh, my Celestia,” she exclaimed with as high-pitched of a gleeful giggle she could release with a full mouth. “This stuff is delicious!”

Diamond Tiara closed the bathroom door behind her to keep in the steam that had accumulated during the shower she had just finished taking. Dressed in simple magenta flannel pajamas, the self-proclaimed future ruler of Equestria approached her bed where Silver Spoon was waiting for her return. The gray filly, dressed in similar pajamas hopped off the bed and approached Diamond Tiara. Without so much as offering a single word, she stuck her muzzle in Diamond Tiara’s mane and took a long sniff.

“Can I help you, sailor?” asked Diamond Tiara with a smirk.

“Yes!” replied a pouting Silver Spoon. “Tell me how it is that you showered with that coconut lime body wash – the same one that I used fifteen minutes ago – and when I was done, I didn’t smell, like, even half as good as you do right now!”

Diamond Tiara responded to the question with a smirk and a short shrug.

“I’m not doing anything differently. Maybe things just smell better when they’re on me?”

“I guess.” Silver Spoon walked back to the bed and crawled under the covers. “Is there any scent that doesn’t smell better when it’s on you?”

Diamond Tiara frowned as she crawled into the bed and lay down beside Silver Spoon.

“Peaches,” she muttered.

“Peaches?”

“Peaches. I hate the smell of peaches. It always puts me in a bad mood. The servants aren’t even allowed to bring one in the house to eat on their breaks.” Diamond Tiara grinned. “But if you’re that jealous of my scent enhancing properties, I could always skip a shower the next time you sleep over.”

“Ew.” Silver Spoon removed her glasses and placed them on the nightstand. “No, thanks. B.O. puts me in a bad mood.”

“Suit yourself.”

“Di?”

“Hm?”

“Do you still hate you-know-who for abandoning you?”

Diamond Tiara held her tongue for a while.

“When that mare left my dad and me, she left behind a void that I almost instantly filled with hatred. My hatred became a sort of substitute parent, in a way. I used to feel empowered by it; fueled by it, even. Now, I just feel burdened by it; like it’s gonna hold me back from doing the things I need to do. I want to be a good pony, Silver. I want to be the best pony anyone’s ever known; somepony that other ponies will remember for generations after I’m gone. But everytime I think about that mare... my hatred burns hotter than the fire pits of Tartaros.” She sighed. “I suppose I’ll find out one day when I burn there myself.”

Silver Spoon’s eyes opened. She turned to her side to look at Diamond.

“What in Celestia’s name would ever make you say such a thing, Di?” asked Silver. “You’re not going to Tartaros. You’re gonna go to Elysium; we both are.”

“The truth is Elysium sounds kinda scary to me.”

Silver Spoon raised an eyebrow.

“Di, don’t be silly. It’s paradise.”

“I know that but I’m not so sure that I like the sound of... ugh... eternal happiness.”

“Why would you not want eternal happiness? You have to like being happy.”

“Sure, I like being happy... but think about it for a sec; who’s always happy? I know I’m not. And I know that you’re not. But even when I’m unhappy, part of what makes that happiness special is that it’s not a constant. It’s on again/off again. What if I want to be in a bad mood in Elysium? Or sad? Or depressed? Or angry? Like – what if you’re not allowed to feel a mood other than happiness? While we’re alive, we have the freedom to feel any emotion we want. So why should that end in the afterlife? I wouldn’t want to be a spirit that can only experience one emotion for eternity. Would you?”

“No, but I don’t think there would be a reason to feel sad, depressed, or angry in Elysium – so I don’t see a problem.”

“The problem is that it sounds like you’re denied emotional variety in Elysium in order to keep the place squeaky clean for everypony. What if there’s somepony that polices everypony to make sure you don’t express any emotion except for happiness so that everypony there gets along? Or even worse, what if this theory of mine is true and you can’t feel anything except for happiness about the situation? You wouldn’t fight the status quo because the status quo makes you happy about the fact that you can only feel happy.” Diamond Tiara shivered briefly with discomfort. “I think I’d almost rather be in Tartaros where they only make you suffer. At least there, you’re free to feel any way you want to about your suffering.”

Silver Spoon lay on her back once more. She gazed at the ceiling and blinked. She knew herself to be a very emotional filly. In her life, she had seen her fair share of highs and lows. Happiness, though scarce, was always voluntary. Could happiness really be mandatory like Diamond Tiara said?

“I can honestly say that I’ve never thought of it like that,” said Silver Spoon. “And I suddenly want to live forever.”

“Well, if Pinkie’s vision is true, we’ll at least live long enough to be a pair of pruney old ladies together. That makes me pretty happy; thinking about all the years we’re gonna spend together; all the fun we’re gonna have. But what really makes me happier than anything is that my dad is gonna live and go free.” She closed her eyes and grinned. “Thank you, Fluttershy. You know what? I should ask her to bring some bunnies to live with us.”

“I really am very happy for you and your dad.”

“Thanks. I’ve gone such a long stretch without good luck that I didn’t think I’d ever see any come my way ever again.”

“But...”

“But what?”

Silver Spoon hesitated.

“Silver?”

“Hm?”

“But what?”

“I was gonna say... what if the rest of Pinkie’s vision comes to pass?”

“You mean how we supposedly destroy Equestria together?”

Silver Spoon hesitated and then nodded.

“What if it’s true?”

Diamond Tiara snickered. She reached out and held Silver Spoon’s forehooves.

“Hey. I might be a lot of things but I’m no mass murderer. You know that better than anypony.”

“That’s just it. I know that you aren’t one now.”

“Do you think I'm smart?”

“When you're not begging somepony for a plotkicking, yes; I think you're very smart.”

“Destroying Equestria would be stupid and I’m not in the habit of doing stupid things. Plus it’s so over the top cliché. How would I even accomplish that? Do I take a sledgehammer and knock over every single house, fountain, and birdfeeder until nothing is left standing?”

“We wouldn’t have to do it ourselves. We could potentially order somepony to destroy it for us.”

“With what? A tornado? Tirek? A flashfire? Who would be crazy enough to carry out an order from a pair of old ladies to destroy Equestria?”

Silver Spoon nodded.

“Nopony, I guess,” she said.

“Damned straight. We'd be laughed at or ignored. Still, if that future does come to pass, I can only take that to mean that you failed miserably as my PR pony.”

Silver Spoon chuckled.

“I guess I can kiss my Hearth’s Warming Day bonus for that year goodbye.”

“I aim to lead Equestria into an age of prosperity someday but that’s all. Killing its taxpaying workforce would be counterproductive. No matter what, the bottom line – the economy – will always be my top priority as ruler. What the future has in store for me doesn’t worry me nearly as much as what I have in store for the future. I see it so clearly, Silver Spoon: an Equestria where no pony has an unmet need. Everypony will be living happy, healthy, and productive lives. I just need to bide my time, learn all I can, and keep my head held high. But what matters even more than the future is that you and I are both safe and sound in the present – together.”

Both fillies remained silent as they waited for sleep to overtake them. After a few seconds, Silver Spoon felt the bed list again as Diamond Tiara stirred. She had turned on her side so that she could look at Silver Spoon.

“I wasn’t the only one that Pinkie wanted to kill,” said Diamond Tiara. “If she had hurt you, well, I don’t even want to think about it.”

“Neither do I, Di. I couldn’t have left you behind to face Pinkie on your own. A life without you would be unthinkable.”

“I can’t help but wonder what she’s doing right now.”

Pinkie Pie was chewing the last coconut macaroon from the sack of food that Diamond Tiara brought her earlier. She sat on a length of a wide iron pipe that protruded from a wall that had some of the brightest lights anywhere in the sewer. The earth pony swung her leg back and forward, lost in thought as she listened to the movement of the water in the open channel directly in front of her.

Something that appeared to be a rather large alligator rose from the channel at a non-threatening speed. Pinkie stopped chewing and stared at it. She was too stunned to move and wasn’t altogether certain that the alligator wasn’t a figment of her imagination.

“Hello, Miss Pie,” said the alligator in a voice that led Pinkie to believe the alligator to be a female. “Please don’t be alarmed. I’m not here to hurt you. Quite the opposite, in fact. I saw you down here and I just had to let you know how very grateful I am to you for looking after my baby. He wouldn’t have survived for very long on his own without teeth. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you very, very much.”

Pinkie swallow the macaroon mush that occupied her mouth.

“Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhurrrrrrrrrrrrre,” said a confused Pinkie.

“I assume that some other pony is looking after him while you’re down here, yes?”

“Yeahhhhhhh,” said Pinkie Pie. “My friend Fluttershy should have him by now.”

“That’s excellent news. Her name is very well known in Ponyville’s animal community. Well, I won’t take up any more of your time. Have a good night – and thanks again.”

“Buh-bye,” said Pinkie, waving with her left forehoof.

The alligator slid back into the channel and swam away, leaving Pinkie to her solitude.

Pinkie blinked and shrugged.

“I wish I could say that that was the weirdest thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“She’s probably in the sewer hiding from Princess Twilight’s search party,” posited Silver Spoon.

The bed listed again from Diamond Tiara sitting up straight.

Silver Spoon turned to see why Diamond Tiara was sitting up. She gulped when she saw what was happening. Diamond Tiara was unbuttoning her own pajama top. Too many of Silver Spoon’s fantasies started out in a similar way for her pulse not to quicken slightly. She didn’t know why it felt naughty to watch Diamond Tiara disrobe when they normally only wore clothing on special occasions; she just knew that it did.

“Sit up, Silver,” instructed Diamond Tiara. "I have a little gift for you."

Silver Spoon did as she was told. Diamond Tiara placed her right foreleg behind Silver Spoon’s neck. She held onto Silver as she lay back down on the bed and rested her friend’s head across her chest as she lay down.

Diamond Tiara lay still and silent, as did Silver Spoon.

“Hear anything?” asked Diamond Tiara.

“Your heartbeat,” replied Silver Spoon.

“That’s right. It wouldn’t be beating right now if you hadn’t risked your neck to save me. So, since you’re my hero, your reward is that, tonight, you get the best seat in the house.”

Diamond Tiara stopped speaking.

“You mean you’re just gonna let me sleep like this?” asked Silver Spoon. “With my ear against your chest?”

“Mm-hm. Good night, Silver.”

Silver Spoon smiled.

“I’m keeping the promise I made to you, by the way; I won’t try anything inappropriate with you in your sleep.”

“I know. I’d trust you with my life.”

The sentiment touched Silver Spoon and a tear formed in her eye.

“I love you,” she whimpered.

“Love you, too... but I think I’d love you a lot more if you’d shut the rut up and let me go to sleep already.”

Silver Spoon snickered. It was the last noise that either one of them would make until morning. Silver Spoon drifted happily off to sleep listening to her favorite sound in the world.

Ba-bump.

Ba-bump.

Ba-bump.

THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP

It was past midnight and a gray pegasus mare knocked on the door to a house that was not her own. Several minutes later, a small panel on the door slid open.

“Why are we known as the GeRMs?” said a voice from the other side of the door.

“Because GeRMs spread,” whispered Derpy. She performed a salute that ended with her miming the placement of a noose around her neck and pulling it upward to simulate a hanging. The unconventional salute was capped off with the extraction of her tongue from the corner of her mouth.

The door opened and Derpy entered the house. A pony dressed in a black robe and hood closed and locked the door after her.

“Hi, O Fearless Leader,” chirped Derpy.

“Were you followed?” asked Fearless Leader.

“No. The only ponies I saw tonight were Rainbow Dash and two earth pony foals but none of them came after me.”

“Excellent. Here.” Fearless Leader held a black cloak up and assisted Derpy in putting it on. Once it was on, Derpy’s smiling muzzle poked out of the hood which draped over her eyes. She fixed it and performed the salute to Fearless Leader who returned it. “How may I help you tonight, Third Operative Hooves?”

“I have some news about our adjective, O Fearless Leader.”

The cloaked pony groaned and facehoofed.

“Do you mean our ‘objective’?”

“Yeah, that. You said to bring you any new information about our objective, day or night... and that’s what I’m doing here.”

“You’ve been an invaluable asset to the Guilty Rich Movement, Third Operative Hooves. Nopony outside of our little circle of friends suspects for even a second that you’re with us – and that makes you practically invisible. Do you know what will happen if this pans out to something we can use to our advantage?”

“I get promoted to Second Operative?”

“You get promoted to Second Operative and... you receive a special ceremonial pin that you can wear proudly at all future meetings.”

“Hoorayyyy!” Derpy clapped her forehooves together twice and smiled. “A pin! I never got a pin for anything from working at the Equestria Postal Service. I can hardly wait! But first, please tell me that you made more of those neat little cottage cheese and grape jelly mini-muffins that we had at the last meeting. Please-oh-please-oh-pleeeease.” Derpy licked and smacked her lips while rubbing her tummy.

Fearless Leader turned around and walked into the next room. She returned with a tray of the muffins in question held in her right forehoof. Derpy accepted the tray, hovered a few feet in the air, and proceeded to scarf the tasty baked goods down one by one, making garbled yummy noises as she ate.

“Now then,” said Fearless Leader. “Why don’t you have a seat and tell me all about what you heard, Third Operative Hooves?”

Derpy flew to the couch and sat back in it.

“Mmph,” blurted Derpy, swallowing her mouthful of mostly masticated mini-muffin. “You might want to take a seat yourself, O Fearless Leader... cuz I guarantee you that this one’s a doozy!”