Part XIX. War
The events that transpired Wednesday evening in Luna’s chambers were certainly a new, unconventional way forward. As Luna had indeed predicted, the immediate air surrounding their interconnected relationships seemed to clear immediately upon a trinity of climaxes. It would remain to be seen if things would return to the status quo, but Luna quickly abated any residual uncertainty and put any doubt to rest. Ever the strategist, Luna had rarely been wrong in ideas and courses of action that she had utmost confidence in… she had the track record to prove it.
Damn her foresight.
Still, things appeared to finally settle themselves. After the three had enjoyed a wonderful night’s sleep together, Celestia and Luna opted to teleport Fredrick back to his room in the morning so the two of them could freshen up for the workday and discuss a few things in private, and while Fredrick did not mind at first, only the moment he rematerialized back in his room did he realize just how truly in deep shit he was. Normally, Fredrick had no reason to give a second thought, or really any business in doing so, if Celestia and Luna wanted to have a private chat. They did so all the time, and would ask that he politely excuse himself… though admittedly, the two were nude, this time around. Regardless, the act was innocuous in nature… but Fredrick was immediately brought back to the reality that he would certainly be the next target of a prank.
And that fucking terrified him.
Ruffling his dark-brown hair, which reminded him that it was getting a tad long for his liking, Fredrick exhaled and came to terms with the idea of him being more defensive in nature in the future, preparing for a possible strike from nowhere… and formulating a possible counterattack if necessary.
Sitting on the edge of his bed, Fredrick knew that he would need help… though nothing direct. He would need discreet advice and if necessary, to get his hands on ‘certain materials’ should he need them. However, there was only one pony he could effectively go to right now without tipping off the enemy. Thus, he penned a quick note to Stella to let her know that he’d be free on Friday night for her initially requested drink in the Castle tavern. Once Fredrick showered and dressed himself for work, he remembered to place said note in his pocket and drop it off at the Guard Headquarters.
Once that had been taken care of, Fredrick knew that the true test of the weight of Luna’s predictions would be how the general dynamic between he and Celestia would come together once all the hormones had died down. Arriving at the door to Celestia’s study with his mind completely cleared, Fredrick took a deep, relaxing breath and opened the door. Greeting him was Celestia, naturally, at her desk, but this time, she was positively glowing. Fredrick could not possibly help returning the full, powerful smile that Celestia beamed in his direction upon his entry.
“Good morning again, Fredrick!” Celestia enthusiastically greeted, immediately delving back into her paperwork.
“Hey, Celestia! You’re certainly in a wonderful mood,” he commented on his observations as he got himself settled at his desk.
“All because of you, I might add,” Celestia proclaimed gleefully. “…and Luna’s interesting thought process, of course.”
“Heh… well, I’m really glad you feel that way,” Fredrick replied warmly, and even a slight reminder of what went down last night caused a somewhat detectable blush to be shared between the two. However, one major difference both of them simultaneously noticed was that there seemed to be no bad air between them. No awkwardness, no uncertainty, nothing. Hilariously enough, Celestia appeared much more energetic, Fredrick noticing her speeding through her paperwork with marvelous efficiency and precision, all with a grin plastered on her mug.
“So,” Fredrick began anew, grabbing a stack of documents that were sitting on his desk. “What’s the agenda for today?”
“Doesn’t look like anything too terrible. A few propositions that remained at the bottom of Parliament’s pipeline, which means that we can catch up on anything backed up,” Celestia proposed.
“Awesome, so what’re we looking at right now?” Fredrick asked, gliding over to Celestia’s desk when she beckoned him over to look.
“It looks like there’s been a lot of good coming out of a law Parliament proposed a year and a half ago. Look here… this particular clause means that…” Celestia continued to explain some intricate policy, Fredrick listening attentively and grabbing paper to take notes. All that had happened the previous week seemed to melt away under the soothing monotony of work. At that moment, everything felt no different than when the two would work ordinarily: comfortably paced and in great spirits and humor. What’s more, there was absolutely no allusion towards their actions of the previous night. Indeed, it had been a wild night of passion and releasing pent up emotions, but as he became more engrossed in the work for the day Fredrick could not have been happier to know that things were just perfect between he and Celestia.
He and Luna were perfectly fine, and the two could focus on their relationship in entirety, but the initial goal of clearing the air with Celestia was completed in full. However, upon completion of the workday, Fredrick was quickly reminded as to why he should be fearful for his future.
“Alright, today was definitely productive,” Fredrick claimed, slipping into his jacket after stretching his arms to the side.
“I’ll say! Thanks again for all your help. It means a lot, really,” Celestia thanked him graciously, stacking her papers for the following morning before standing up. She too, stretched out by throwing her hands over her head and groaning as she felt her back pop. After a sigh of relief, her eyes fluttered open once more. Her light-purple eyes soon locked onto Fredrick’s greens.
“Please, as I’ve said before, it’s what you pay me to do. Besides, today was fun,” he admitted happily, nodding to his employer and friend for extra reassurance.
“Oh come here, you,” Celestia relented, closing the distance between the two and initiating a friendly yet endearing hug. The two wrapped their arms around each other and rested their chins on opposite shoulders, enjoying the simple act of holding each other. No words had to be exchanged at all, as both knew that they were ‘cool’ with each other… but really, were they ever ‘not cool?’
“Fredrick…” Celestia whispered in his ear as the two embraced each other, breaking the comfortable silence of their moment. “Do not think I’ve forgotten about your involvement in the prank against me…”
He gulped audibly as the two simultaneously released each other.
“See you tomorrow!”
[Friday Night | Castle Tavern]
“Oi! Over here!” Stella called out and waved from across the dimly-lit tavern, garnering Fredrick’s attention the moment he entered into the establishment. Nodding and pointing to acknowledge her, Fredrick started towards his friend, quickly finding her booth amongst the moderately-populated bar and eatery.
“Hey,” Fredrick greeted, sliding into the booth, opposite side of Stella, and setting his coat on the remainder of the seat.
“The fuck took you so long?” the civilian-clothed Stella asked, running one of her hands through her mane and folding her wings behind her back once she stretched them. She wore a simple, blue V-neck t-shirt and black, denim pants, while her aforementioned mane was styled in its usual ponytail fashion. Through the dimly lit ambiance, the most prominent feature (and quite frankly, her best feature, according to Fredrick) was her golden eyes
“Sorry, I had to go over a few things with Luna for this coming Monday; meeting with the Economic Council and what not,” Fredrick explained, earning an incredulous gaze from the mare across from him, Stella angling her head towards him disbelievingly.
“Right. ‘Going over,’ Princess Luna,” Stella alluded with air quotes.
“No, actually we did have to review the topics we’d be discussing,” Fredrick rebutted.
“‘Reviewing.’” Stella air-quoted again. Fredrick rolled his eyes.
“Alright, I get it. You can stop now.”
“‘Economic Council.’”
Fredrick let out an exaggerated sigh of exasperation. “Exactly.”
Stella covered her muzzle as she giggled heartily, though both turned their attention to one of the waitresses as she stopped in front of their table, a spry unicorn mare turquois to the coat. Stella and Fredrick had had her as their server many times in the past.
“Aqua!” the human and batpony greeted simultaneously and energetically.
“Hey, you two! What can I get’cha?”
“Yeah, I’ll have a glass of Crystal Standard… and keep ‘em coming. Oh! Also, keep bringing the chips and the house salsa; fuckers are like drugs to me,” Stella ordered in a way most befitting of her personality before gesturing towards Fred. “And get this cockwomble whatever he wants. Tab’s on me tonight.”
“Ummm, how ‘bout no? Considering you paid last time as well,” Fredrick protested immediately. “Just hand me the bill when we’re done. Pretend the bitch across from me doesn’t exist,” he fake-whispered to Aqua, who was already struggling to keep from laughing at their dynamic. Stella, however, donned a much more stoic expression.
“Lay a hand on the bill, I dare you.”
“Or what?”
“I’ll cram it so far down your throat, it’ll be the cost of your next shit, mate.”
The two initiated a friendly staring contest right as Aqua’s sides entered the upper atmosphere, she bending over in guffaw.
“Heh-whoa… you two need to come in more if you keep making me laugh like this. You’re hilarious, you guys. Anyway, what did you want, Fredrick? I’ll let you guys decide on the tab later.”
“Ehhh… I’ll do Zebranica Gold,” he decided, his words punctuated by a stifled, throaty laugh from the opposite end of the table.
“You got it, guys. I’ll get those right out for ya,” Aqua announced, bounding away towards the bar and kitchen.
“Zebranica Gold?” Stella asked humorously. “Are you absolutely sure that Princess Luna doesn’t mind the whole ‘you having a vagina’ thing?”
“Heh, screw you, Stella, you know I’m still somewhat of a lightweight… And really? This coming from the same mare that was bartering with me to see my dick in the Castle Gardens? Good thing our beers are coming because you may wanna quench that thirst,” Fredrick quipped in kind with a smug grin on his face. Stella snorted at the witty rebut.
“Oh ho ho! Somepony’s on a roll tonight. What’s got you in such high spirits?” At that moment, Aqua returned with their drinks as well as the chips and dip in her magical grasp. The two thanked her and she went off to tend to the other patrons.
“Well, for starters, everything between Celestia, Luna, and I has been settled completely,” Fredrick elaborated as he took a sip of his beer. “So, things have just been perfect these last couple of days.”
“Told ya!” Stella said as she took a drink and a couple chips in her grasp. “As I said, you really were overreacting. I couldn’t see anything going wrong. I mean, you banged Celestia, right?”
Fredrick choked on his beer as he was taking a sip, coughing and doing his best to regain a normal breathing rate.
“Dude, what?? Where the hell did you get that fr—”
“Oh answer the question ya fuckin’ twat,” Stella cut him off, dismissing any form of counter that he could muster.
“Okay, no, I didn’t have sex with Celestia. The three of us just sat and talked like adults,” Fredrick explained. Part of that sentence was technically true.
“You’re a terrible liar, Fredrick. Especially since Celestia’s Solar Guard unicorns say otherwise. She was glowing so brightly, half her troop had to get replaced because they developed fuckin’ cataracts! Wasn’t even trying to be subtle about it!” Stella replied, presenting new evidence.
“Fucking... keep it down!” Fredrick lightly scolded, not wanting anything of the sort to fall upon anypony else’s ears. He should’ve known better than to be able to sneak past Stella. She had eyes and ears everywhere. “Fine. Fine. Just maybe some other things happened…”
“AHAHAHA! Holy shit are you actually serious?!” Stella asked shakily after her entire form was wracked with laughter. Fredrick, naturally, was a bit confused.
“Wait… what do you mean? Didn’t you just…”
“HAHAHA no! I really didn’t think that would actually work!” Stella was able to mutter in an attempt to control her own laughter. “I lied. You know, like a liar.”
“God-fucking-dammit Stella…” Fredrick cursed his friend’s name, slamming his head down onto his arms on the table. It was too late and he didn’t even realize that he had fallen into her trap… though in retrospect, he probably should have at least considered the possibility. Having all the confirmation of the unlikely situation, the batpony mare refused to abate her laughter any longer and giggled maniacally.
“Seriously though, you walked right into that. Regardless, I’m impressed. You boned not one but both heads of state… you may very well be the luckiest pony in Equestria, and you’re not even a fuckin’ pony, ya dick,” Stella said, bestowing Fredrick with her usual, endearing, yet underhanded praise.
“Again, am I detecting a hint of jealousy?” Fredrick asked with a teasing edge.
“Hell yes, you are! I’d give both of my tits to even be anywhere near your position,” Stella responded honestly.
“No you wouldn’t,” Fredrick pointed out confidently.
“Okay maybe I wouldn’t. I love my tits,” Stella retracted. Fredrick nodded along whimsically.
“I’m sure you do. But this reminds me… I’m gonna be an imminent target of a prank. I really have no idea what to expect,” Fredrick revealed, garnering an evil smirk from Stella.
“I knew this would happen eventually. As I said, you brought the war home. There’s little advice I can offer, unfortunately. You’re just going to have to wait until something happens,” Stella replied, chugging the rest of her beer, to which Aqua immediately came by and replaced it with another.
“Well that’s fucking reassuring,” Fredrick said sarcastically as he finished his own drink, gingerly pushing the glass forward. “I don’t know why, but I’m fearing for my physical and mental health.”
“Ahh you don’t have to go that far!” Stella dismissed his typical overreaction. “Sure, you might have to dig your way out of a mix of pony excrement and alligator spunk, but it’s not so bad! In my tenure here, any pranks are usually hilarious in nature, especially once the shock value of it wears off. I mean, come on!” Stella reasoned. “You and Her Highness nearly committed an act of domestic terrorism against another head of state and are probably laughing it off now, you can’t really get much worse than that.”
“Fair enough I guess,” Fredrick conceded, punctuating his words with a chomp of the chip he had in his hand.
“All I can really say is ‘let it happen.’ There’s really no use in trying to expect the prank, unless it’s, of course, right in your face and impossible to miss. Just go about your life and if you happen to get a rat stuffed up your arse while you sleep, just live with it! Laugh about it later,” Stella added pointedly, chugging her beer completely and slamming the glass on the table. “Ahhh, that’s good.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“Happy to help!”
The two continued to talk about normal things after that point, such as work life, family life, and all of the necessary topics. However things turned a bit interesting come the love life talk.
“Well,” Fredrick began anew, placing his second beer down on the table. “You know I’m with Luna. How about you? Any mare or stallion brave enough to handle the famous Stella?”
“Ehhh, not really. Nopony’s really caught my eye recently. I did have a few flings here and there but they never went anywhere,” Stella replied, already on her sixth beer.
“Bang ‘em and hang ‘em?”
“You fuckin’ know it, mate,” the batpony affirmed with a chuckle.
“Never took you as one to be so… promiscuous,” Fredrick admitted with a humorous edge, earning a challenging, incredulous gaze from his friend.
“Hey, I’ve had no shortage of stallions and mares lining up. Thestrals are almost coveted in Equestrian society because we’re much fewer in number and tend to have more exotic, ‘desirable features.’ But none of ‘em have any fuckin’ substance,” Stella complained. “There’ve been plenty of stallions and mares whom I feel are hot, but fuck me I could put googly eyes on their cocks and tits and have a better conversation.”
“Hahaha oh yeah? How’ve we not had this talk before?” Fredrick wondered out loud, urging Stella onward.
“But, a mare has urges. Thestral heats are much more brutal than a normal Equestrian mare’s cycle, so when a mare has urges…” she alluded.
“Right. One night stands.”
“Indeed, but sometimes that’s not possible. So, I always have my trusty coltfriend,” Stella added while raising her right hand, earning a chuckle from Fredrick. “AND, if I feel like something different, I cheat on him with him,” she raised her left hand. “EVEN FURTHER, if I’m feeling extra naughty, I’ll have these two hunks of stallions spit roast me.”
“Good fucking god Stella,” Fredrick uttered through his harsh giggles, facepalming and shaking his head as he laughed at the hilariously horrifying image. The two continued to speak about the subject for a little while longer, but it was a long Friday, and Fredrick wanted to catch up on some sleep before the busy weekend, since they’d be visiting Twilight again.
“Stella, this has been fun as hell, but I need to get to bed. I think I’m gonna fall asleep really soon,” he admitted. The batpony mare nodded in understanding and dropped the appropriate amount of bits on the table, right on top of the bill. Naturally, Stella won the right to pay by a threat of ‘chopping his dick off, stuffing it, and donating it to an army veteran’s association.’
“Yeah, yeah. Come on then. Let’s get out of here. I should probably do something productive to prepare for tomorrow… I have a long night with two consecutive shifts,” Stella agreed, sliding out of her booth and falling into step next to Fredrick towards the exit. The two waved goodbye to Aqua on the way.
“Well, I just hope that their prank comes after the weekend. I’d like to relish in a bit of peace at first,” Fredrick hoped out loud, earning an eye-roll from Stella.
“You need to fuckin’ relax, ya cunt. Have I ever steered you wrong so far?” she asked seriously as Fredrick held the door open for her.
“True, but then again, you like those cookies that have cheese on them; you’re practically an idiot,” he playfully chastised, having the final word. Stella’s accompanying laughter was cut off as the door closed behind both of them.
[Princess Luna’s Chambers]
A perfect end to a perfect week. Luna could not have been happier that things had worked out the way they did, and with no other obligations for the coming weekend, she and Fredrick intended to make good on their promise to Twilight to return that Sunday. What Luna wished to do at the moment, however, was relax and drift to sleep with the aid of music being played through Fredrick’s phone. Luna felt that this little device was a blessing, especially on nights where she could not sleep.
Dressed as she normally would be for sleep and having just lay down for the night, Luna placed the earphones into her ears and unlocked the phone, navigating to the music app and settling on a personal favorite that she stumbled across: “Out of Touch” by Hall and Oates. She knew it must have been a hit back on Fredrick’s world, as he complimented her for her ‘taste’ in music when letting him know of her opinion. Either way, Luna set it on repeat and let the wonderful tune slowly drag her into slumber.
However, sleep seemed to be a tad less forthcoming than she would’ve liked.
It was not that she had a lot on her mind, but it just appeared to be one of those nights where her brain was a bit more active. No matter, she had a device filled with interesting things on it… perhaps she’d go ‘exploring.’
Luna, with the music still playing, pressed the home button and navigated to the videos app. She and Fredrick had visited this location before, especially when he would show her videos that he took back on his world. Passing through the large quantity of video files that she saw, one name struck her as… odd.
‘The_Duck_Song.ntn…’ what could this possibly be?
Pausing the music, her curiosity got the better of her and she pressed the file, loading up the video player and turning up the volume. Shifting the phone horizontally, she held the device over her as the video began to play.
“Tell me the duck story…” a seemingly little boy or girl said, and a little jingle began to play, followed by a narrated musical story.
“A duck walked up to a lemonade stand, and he said to the man running the stand…”
As she watched the accompanying animation, Luna felt a little smile come about, but regardless of the fact of her thinking this little video was cute, it only raised questions.
Why would he have such a childish video on his device?
Despite her question, she continued watching.
“…Can I get you a glass? The duck said AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CENA!!!!—”
“AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!” Luna screamed and howled in pain as her ears were assaulted, eardrums being molested by a cacophonous, speaker-shattering jingle. While the phone now played snapshots and video clips of a shirtless muscular man engaging in ritualistic aggression against others of his kind, Luna was painfully contorting and screaming through bared teeth, her hands desperately trying to claw the earphones out of her ears. Such a task proved difficult while her brain was getting physically attacked by sound. After a frantic couple of seconds as this was transpiring, Luna instinctively chucked the infernal contraption across the room, the phone disconnecting from the earphones and ceasing making sound… at the cost of slamming against the far wall.
“SHIT!” she exclaimed, bounding out of bed and running immediately to the downed object on the floor. She prayed to any higher power that existed before her time that the anti-degradation spell that Celestia had cast on it also protected it from damage.
“Please no… please no, please no…” Luna muttered softly as she picked up the phone… and to her immediate relief, there was no physical damage in the slightest. Waking up the device and unlocking it, the operating system responded as it should, and all seemed well.
After she let out a deeply held breath, Luna could not help but huff in irritation. Her ears were still ringing, and she only wondered why Fredrick would have such a video file that was meant to clearly cause harm to another. However, in her moment of irritation, an idea arose. Glancing back at the device in her hand, Luna wondered if she had a viable idea.
She glanced her eyes upward pensively, pursing her lips, before settling on something mentally. Her brow furrowed determinedly and an evil smirk forcefully etched its way onto her muzzle.