//------------------------------//
// Who Needs Sleep, Anyway? 
// Story: My Twilight Facade 
// by axelsempai 
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I held the reins in my hands, rocking slightly from the movement of my trusty steed.  Together, we ventured down the sparse morning streets of the city.  My beast of burden carried me without complaint or difficulty for he was a powerful creature, capable of many feats of strength and agility that others could not.  We were the best of friends.

Did I mention that I was riding a giant spider?  Because I was, and it was fucking sweet.

My tarantula mount, Manny, was the coolest.  Being one of the few giant spiders tamed for public use, he kept those annoying pork bun salesmen from harassing me on my way to work.  Fine by me, most of the pork buns on this road were expired last month.  Those guys trying to sell watches were cowering as well.  I loved my spider buddy.

I whipped out my smartphone and checked the time.  Damn, I was twelve hours late for work!  Oh well, I sure hope they don't mind a few minutes more.  Maybe I could stop for a quick ice cream bar?

A rift opened in space ahead of me just off to the side.  Out stepped a dark blue alicorn with a starry blue mane billowing in the wind and a black necklace around her neck.  Her hooves were covered by glittering shoes that couldn't decide if they wanted to be blue or silver.  She closed the rift behind her and raised a hoof for my attention as Manny and I passed her by without so much a glance.

The pony didn't quite understand why we ignored her sudden appearance, so she hovered after me, settling next to me.  "Excuse me Twilight Sparkle, but did you not see us there?"

I shot her an incredulous glance.  "Are you serious?  You new here or something?  This is Tokyo; people are vying for my attention all the time."

"Is that why you ride monstrous vermin?"

Manny stopped, turned to the hovering pony, and hissed.  I patted his head to soothe him.  "Easy, boy.  She doesn't know any better."  We resumed on our way, and so I turned my head to face her.  "Look, Manny is a bit cranky when people accuse him of being a common pest, so please avoid insulting him or he'll be least of your worries."

This new arrival wasn't impressed by my little threat, but she pressed on.  "We'll be sure to keep that in mind.  So is there a reason you avoid attention from those around you?"

"Yeah, because all these people are self-important dicks!"  I pointed at the guy ahead of me riding a bike.  "You see that dick wearing the yellow raincoat and matching trilby?  He spends all morning every morning talking on his wrist communicator.  He has the only wrist mounted cellphone in the world, and he uses it to call his friends to talk about drugs!  I hate that guy!"

"Indeed."  The pony looked around at the surrounding buildings, no doubt noting all the stores with neon signs.  "This is a strange place."

I looked to my left to see a man wearing a balaclava prying open a vending machine with a crowbar.  Funny, I could have sworn the panties machines were discontinued a long time ago.  "Yeah, it's been getting there."

"So what is it you are trying to accomplish?"  The pony asked.

"I'm going to work."

"And what is it you do at work?"

I easily answered the question without a thought.  "I push buttons until I get money."

She looked at me incredulously.  "Just pushing buttons?"

"Yep."

She apparently didn't know what to make of my answers.  She was quiet for a moment, but this city hates it when things get quiet.  A loud thud shook the ground.  A roar from a giant beast pierced our ears, and we shot our gazes to the source.  A spiny reptilian monster was glaring at anonymous buildings in the skyline, clearly intent on spreading widespread damage.  It looked at one building in particular and punched through it.

The pony hovering beside me gasped at the beast.  "A nightmare creature!  Thy dreams art plagued!"

"Relax Elizabeth, it's just Godzilla attacking the city.  Again."  I said with a roll of my eyes.

"So this nightmare is common!"  The pony floated up with her horn flaring with navy blue magic.  "Begone, vile fiend!  Curse this pony's dreams no longer!"  Her magic aura swirled up to the King of Monsters, and enveloped him.

In retaliation, he threw a building at her.

The pony was smashed into the street by the building shattering on the ground.  I took this all in with the usual stride.  "Aw come on, that was my office!  At least tell me my Dilbert strip is alright!"

The pony climbed out from the rubble, covered in dust and shaken by attack.  "Great Tartarus!  Our magic had no effect!"

"Don't worry about it.  He'll either get bored from fighting the military for the fifteenth time this month, or he'll get beaten back by a giant moth.  We don't gotta do shit."

Not paying attention to my assurances, the pony babbled frantically.  "That's impossible!  Nothing in the dream world is immune to my magic!"

"Uh, dream world?"  Now that I started thinking about it, things were starting to make sense.

"I don't understand!  Under normal circumstances, I am able to face any nightmare!"

It was rather silly of me to be going to work twelve hours after I was supposed to clock in.  I'd never do that.  Actually, I was pretty sure I wasn't actually living in Tokyo.

"Unless... the circumstances aren't normal!"

Wasn't I still in Equestria?  I think I was.  Yeah, none of this makes sense!

"But if that's the case, then what is it that changes things?"

None of this makes sense, unless this is all a conjuration of my own mind.  I sat up straight and proclaimed my conclusion.  "I'm in a dream!"  I was only aware of my surroundings for a moment longer with the pony spinning towards me and reaching out for me.

I opened my eyes and found myself lying with the side of my head buried in my pillow.  Spike was snoring softly.  It was the dead of night as I could see from out the window.

That was a weird dream, even by the standards of dreams.  Oh well, I was still really sleepy, and I didn't really feel like pondering over it.  I pulled the covers up to my face and closed my eyes for round two in dreamland.

A sudden bright light was bleeding through my eyelids.  Curiously, I opened my eyes to see what was keeping me from sleep this time.  The light came from outside, and it seemed to belong to a white streaking meteor.  Funny, it was coming right for me...

I shot up out of bed and stared in horror at the incoming missile.  "Oh shit, meteor!"  I cried.

Spike groaned in his basket.  "No Twi, I don't wanna watch the meteor shower right now."

I shot him a look, but turned my attention back to the meteor.  "Man, we are so gonna die."

If what I knew about meteors was correct, then running was out of the question.  As fast as that thing was moving towards us, we didn't have the time to run away.  That thing would hit the ground with the force of a bombshell, and we'd get caught in that explosion.  I only had one chance:  jury-rig a shield spell powerful enough to protect us from annihilation.

I cast the spell the best I could, considering I didn't study any of this stuff for a while.  A wavy purple dome surrounded the two of us, and I braced myself for impact.

What I assumed to be space rock crashed through the window, shattering both the glass and a fair portion of the wall.  Debris flew into my shield, deflected harmlessly away.  The meteor itself suddenly stopped and stabilized into a glowing hover.  Its brightness burned my eyes, so I couldn't make out any of its details.  Figures the first chunk of rock from space that wants to kill me turned out to be an alien.  It elected to air its grievances before hitting me.

"Twilight Sparkle!  Have no fear, for we have arrived in thy time of need!"  The voice boomed and rattled the contents of my head.

The light died down to an acceptable level so I could finally get a good look at my alien.  Only it wasn't an alien; it was the pony from my dream.  "That's funny, you were in a dream I had."

"Now is not the time for jokes, Twilight Sparkle!  Thou art troubled by the forces of chaos!"  She declared.  She touched down and approached me demandingly.  "Tell us the cause of thy nightmares so that we may help thee!"

Spike sat up in his basket and blearily rubbed his eyes.  "What's with all the yelling?  It's barely midnight!"

The navy blue pony looked over to Spike.  "Oh, a baby dragon.  How adorable!"  She bared her fiercest gaze upon me.  "Proceed with haste!  The longer we tarry, the stronger thy foe becomes!"

I leaned back and pressed my hooves to my ringing ears.  "God-damn, you are loud.  Do you think you could cool it with the Dragon Shouts?  My hearing was just fine until now!"

"Shouting this loud is customary when speaking with the commoners!"

I grimaced from the volume of her shouting.  My ears were now sore.  "Then your customs suck!  Lower your volume so I don't go deaf in the next twenty minutes!"

The pony looked down in embarrassment for a brief moment before raising her gaze once more.  "We cannot; 'tis a reflex!"

Fucking hell, this was going to be a long night.  I debated whether it would be too rude of me to search for some noise-cancelling headphones in the basement.  "Then make a conscious effort to speak normally!"

A voice from outside interrupted our moment.  "Hey, quiet down!  We're trying to sleep!"

I groaned.  As if it wasn't bad enough that this girl was intruding upon my slumber, now I had to deal with my neighbors yelling at me.  "Hold on."  I told the pony as I went to the hole in my wall.  I leaned out and glared into the darkened Ponyville streets.  "We're having a little trouble with that!  Give me a minute!"

"Just do it; it's not that hard to be quiet!"

"I'm working on it!"

"Am I stuttering?  Just shut up!"

"I'm trying, but I'm yelling at you!"

A third pony from outside joined in on the yelling.  "Hey, both of you shut up!  It's the middle of the night!"

"Oh really?  I thought it was the middle of the day, idiot!"  The first voice yelled sarcastically.

"I was on your side!"  The second voice griped.

"Hey!"  Yelled yet another voice.  "Everyone shut up!"

"Fine!"  The rest of us yelled.

I turned back to the pony in my room, who regarded my neighborly interactions curiously.  "Alright, let's go to the basement.  I got it sound-proofed."  She opened her mouth to say or ask something, but I rushed forward and held her mouth shut.  "Let's not start this again until we're out of earshot from my cranky neighbors."

"You don't want me to come with you, do you?"  Spike asked, still not having left his basket.

I waved him off.  "Nah, you just get some sleep.  I can take care of this on my own."

Spike shrugged and lied back into his basket.  Good for him, getting more sleep like that.  I might have only gotten five hours of sleep in the last forty eight, but I'm sure those extra couple of hours are more important for a drake his age.

I trudged my way to the basement with the alicorn in tow.  I closed the door, which locked all out-going noises in this room.  Useful for listening to Minotaur Battle Metal while you work out, but equally handy when coaching a pony into not sounding like a troubadour with a megaphone.  "Alright, let's try talking again, but this time, don't yell."

"Very well!"  She boomed, yelling with enough force to embed me into the opposite wall.

I pried myself from my me-shaped crater.  "Okay see, that's what we're trying not to do.  Try speaking quieter."

"Like... this?"  She yelled, a little quieter.

"Better, but try a little more."

"Is... this good?"

I raised a hoof, trying to give a thumbs-up.  I failed.  "There we go.  Now you don't sound like an old-English general with a sound system.  So, what was it you were trying to say earlier?"

The pony cleared her throat.  "Yes, we have come to quell the source of your night-terrors!"

I raised an eyebrow.  Not necessarily because she was claiming my dreams were supernaturally afflicted, but because she just stopped talking in old English.  Come to think of it, she was acting about the same as she was in my dream.  Perhaps she only regressed like that when she gets excited?  Still, it was best to address her concerns.  "Uh, I don't think you quite realize how dreams work.  Nightmares don't have a concrete cause in most cases, because dreams are merely vivid hallucinations caused by rapid eye movement in one's sleep."

She gaped at me.  "Our word, has knowledge over dreams regressed in our absence that such ignorance over the dreamworld is common?"

I narrowed my eyes at her vague insult.  "Yeah, who knew advancements in science would lead to advancing knowledge over our sleep cycles?"

"You just spouted nonsense, Twilight Sparkle!"  She accused.  "Dreams are the conjuration of a creative mind!  Entire worlds are molded by the will of the magically-adept!  You may not have been learning about it from your tutelage under my sister, but dreams are magic realms!"

"Sister?  Lady, I don't know who you're talking about, but if she spent any time at all on studying sleep, she would know that dreams are just bored brains taking a shit."

She gasped.  "This is most unbelievable!  We had hoped that Celestia taught her 'most faithful student' at least a smidgen of how dreams work!  Now those ignorant to the ways of the arcane have spoiled thy mind with falsehood!"  She paused.  "Also, she could have stood to clean out her student's mouth with soap every once in a while."

"Wait..."  I looked at my company closely.  I thought she looked a little familiar, but she seemed so different from when I saw her last. I smiled now that I realized who I was talking to this whole time.  "... Luna?  Oh hey, it's been a while!  I haven't seen you since you chucked my unlucky ass into a crumbling ceiling!"

Princess Luna, as I now recognized her, lowered her head.  "Yes, twas a while."

"Hey, don't worry about it!  It hurt at the time, but it's pretty cool in retrospect!"  I levitated the bottle of soda I left at my desk.  I sat it before me, and poured a glass for myself.  I looked around for another cup, but all I had left were some Styrofoam cups that we bought for some reason.  I offered Luna a cup as well.  "I didn't recognize you.  I like what you did with your mane."

She accepted the cup of soda and looked over to her flowing mane.  "Yes, it began flowing again once we regained our magic."

"Yeah, that's super."  I took a sip of my drink.  Crap, it was warm.  "Anyway, dreams aren't as important as you'd think.  Believe me, I've tried to analyze my dreams, but every book I've read on the subject was contradictory.  Even if they weren't, each book was completely incorrect.  Besides, what gave you the impression that I suffered from nightmares?"

Luna took a sip from her cup and savored it curiously.  "Hm, a tasty and strong beverage.  Modern alcohol certainly tastes better than it once did."

"Actually, that's just soda.  It's not alcohol."

"Truly?  We should have figured, as it didn't have that familiar burn."  She took another sip, regardless of how impossible it was to get wasted on it.  "As we were saying, we knew about your nightmare because we visited your dream."

I stared in disbelief.  "You visited my dream?  I don't believe that."

"You were in Tokyo when 'Godzilla' threw your office building at us."

I was still in disbelief, but now for a different reason.  "Okay, that's freaky."

"Indeed.  Now, do you know the reason for your recurring nightmare of monster attacks?"  She asked.

I shook my head slowly.  "It's not really a nightmare, nor is it recurring.  That was just one of those random things that happens in dreams."

"Dreams are not random, Twilight Sparkle.  They parallel reality but reflect the fears and hopes of the dreamer.  It is the one place one cannot hide from their insecurities and must confront them."

Whoa, that sounded like a badass mythology.  Going to sleep with some acrophobia?  BAM!  Skydiving dream, asshole.

Wait, badass isn't the right word.  I meant hilarious.

"My dreams have never made any sense."  I countered.

"So we've come to realize.  We've wondered why our magic is useless against the creatures in your mind, for we've never failed in such a task before."

"So what did you conclude?  Am I the chosen one, or something?"

"Of a sort."  Luna took a moment to ponder her response.  "Your mind was turbulent.  Finding our way into your dreams was a difficult task in itself, for the portal to your mind wouldn't present itself like for most ponies.  Even once we've found our way within, the landscape of your dream was wild; details would change before our eyes.  Take for instance your friend, Manny.  What kind of spider was it?"

"Tarantula...?"

"Yes, but we also would have accepted brown recluse or black widow."

I frowned.  "No, I clearly remember that it was a tarantula."

Luna's face was impassive.  "Perhaps it was because you were distracted by your conversation with us or the sudden attack of this 'Godzilla' creature, but the spider was changing underneath you."

"Okay, so my dreams are wildly inconsistent.  Weird as that is, what does that tell you?"

"It means that your mind is different from that of the average pony."  She leaned forward gravely.  "Your mind is a font of chaos."

I sucked in a shocked breath.  "Ooh, that doesn't sound good.  Should I be worried?"

Luna blinked.  "Why wouldn't you be?"

"Well, it's not like I've been messing with dark powers or anything, and I've been dealing with it well enough.  Are you sure this is something to worry about?"

Luna blinked again.  "How long have you been like this?"

"Uh... my entire life, I guess."

Luna looked more shocked about that than I imagined.  "You've been living in chaos your entire life!?  How could you cope?"

"Er... when I have a nightmare, I shrug it off and go back to sleep?"

Luna's brow straightened in disbelief.  "It cannot be that simple.  One doesn't just just 'shrug off' a nightmare!"

"Well, you can if you're not a pussy."

Luna glared down at me.  "You ridicule the plight of many whose dreams are plagued by their fears."

I shrugged unapologetically.  "They're just dreams."

Luna rubbed her forehead in annoyance.  "Anyway, you are a special case.  Most ponies have some kind of control over their dreams at even a subconscious level.  It seems your dreams have a mind of their own.  Sometimes you will have normal dreams, and other times will be nightmares, like the one you just experienced."

"That wasn't a nightmare."  I corrected.

"How could that not be a nightmare?"  Luna asked.

"I wasn't scared or anything.  After all, I wasn't the one being attacked."

Luna's eye twitched, likely because she was the one being attacked in my stead.  "Of course.  While you may have such problems on occasion, you seem to be content with it."

"So I'm good?"

"Yes, you're good."

I let out a relieved breath.  "Oh, good.  I wasn't up to dealing with any personal problems, anyway."

Luna sighed.  "Yes, but we're afraid we've wasted a trip.  Since you aren't dealing with nightmare creatures come to life as we had feared, we find ourselves in Ponyville with nothing to do."

"Ah, that sucks."  I sympathized.  "So what do you plan on doing now that your plans are finished?"

"We are likely going to return to Canterlot and study a little more history."  Luna said.

"Aw, that's boring.  If I were you, I'd take this as an opportunity to slack off and do something fun for an hour or two."

"Really?  And what is 'fun'?"  Luna asked.

I balked.  "You don't know what fun is?  What, was it not invented back in the Crap Ages?"

"We suppose not."  Luna answered cautiously.

I shook my head in disbelief.  "Unbelievable.  It's no wonder why old-timey things suck."

"Twilight?  What is 'fun'?"

"I'd give you a definition, but book-learning is the exact opposite of fun.  It'd be easier just to show you."

"And how do you propose to do that?"

I gave her a sly smile.  "I'm sure you're a fan of the night life, right princess?"

"Wrong, we are the night!"  She declared.

I rolled my eyes mirthfully.  "You're right, my mistake.  Regardless, you have an affinity for night-time activity.  It just so happens that I know of something that you don't."

"Do tell."

"Let me give you a riddle:  What's a happening place where the young ponies like to dance, drink, and laugh?"

Luna thought about it, but shook her head in defeat.  "We aren't sure.  What place is that?"

I chuckled in anticipation.  "Come on, we're gonna have a night on the town."

I beckoned her with a wave of my head.  We left the basement where I went to get some bits while Luna waited for me.  I went upstairs for my saddlebags and noticed there was still a hole in my wall.  I could fix that later.  What mattered to me at the time was the princess who needed a quick injection of joviality.  I gathered my bits and left the library with Luna and half-remembered directions to the night-club.  If only I could remember where Pone Way was...





"Admit it, Twilight; we are lost."

"For the last time, Luna, we are not!"

With only the glow of a conjured orb of light, the night princess and I were trying to navigate the streets of Ponyville.  Do you realize how much harder it is to find your way at night?  Everything seems so unfamiliar in the darkness and reading street signs was tedious.  Having to walk right up to them and read them up close; it sucks.  My lack of planning was getting on our collective nerves.

"Enough of these idle excuses!  Let us ask for directions!"

My manly pride wouldn't stand for that, so I glared up at her.  "We are not asking for directions."

Luna returned my glare with double the annoyed irritation.  "And why not?  We have been at this for what feels like moons!  Admit that you are without direction!"

I bared my teeth with frustration.  "You want direction?  Fine!"  I cast a minor divination spell, summoning a spectral compass that showed us the cardinal directions.  "There, how's that for no direction?"

Luna raised an inquisitive brow at the spell.  "And this will take us to our destination?"

"Pfft, no.  It's just a compass."

"Then why did you cast it?"

"Because now I know which way is north; you can no longer say I have no direction!"

Luna narrowed her eyes.  "We were referring to how we can find our chosen place of 'fun'!"

"You didn't say anything about that."

"'Twas implied!"

I ground my teeth and rubbed my temple.  "You know what, let's just go back to the library.  We'll reference an atlas."

"Finally, what one could consider sound judgement.  Now how do you propose we find our way back through this twisting maze of streets?"

"We were traveling west, so we just need to follow the streets back to the east until we find Queasy Circuit."  Luna looked surprised at my knowledge, to which I smiled smugly.  "Looks like my compass did something after all."

Luna gave the compass a dirty look.  "Of course it did."

With a slight chuckle on my part, we turned back down the way we came.  We trudged down some streets we didn't use earlier in the hopes that they would be faster than our original, winding path.  We weren't feeling too hot anymore on account of my poor planning skills, but I was adamant that we would find our way there.

At least I was until we cut through one particular road and I spotted something incredible.  I stopped and stared in awe at a building with a glowing sign with words that shut down my critical faculties with pure joy.  I lost my breath and sense of balance at the visage of such a beautiful and wondrous sight.  I walked thoughtlessly closer to the establishment and smiled greatly at the words upon its window:

Joy Stick's Arcade:  Open 24/7!

I opened my mouth, but the only sound that emerged was a tiny squeal of happiness.

Luna shook me from the side.  "Twilight!  Are you alright?  You've been standing there for three minutes."

I turned to her with the same static look of joy plastered on my face.  "There's an arcade in Ponyville."

Luna looked up at the building in bemusement.  "Truly?  We didn't take you for a mare of the fine arts.  It is strange that this particular arcade has so few arches, however."

"No, not that kind of arcade; the modern kind!"  I threw my hooves up the air in cheer.  "I get to play video games again!"  I ran inside immediately.  I suppose Luna came in after me after a moment of reflection.

I looked around the inside of the arcade with unrestrained excitement.  I trotted in place ecstatically, eager beyond reckoning to play something.  I had so many options.  There were pinball machines in the corner, adventurous beat-em-ups lining a wall, platformers, claw games, prize wheels, skee-ball, a dancing game; everything a guy like me could ever hope for.

That's it, I wasn't leaving this place.  Not for a long time.  "I'm home."

I spied the counter to the side advertising beverages and snacks.  Knowing from experience that there was nothing like a cold soda and a gaming marathon, I strutted up to the blue stallion lazily operating the cash register.  Luna followed beside me, as she was unsure of what to do with these machines.

I looked up at the menu on the wall, browsing their selection of sodas and food.  "I'll get a Grape Crash."  I looked back to Luna.  "You want something?"

"No, thank you."

I nodded and looked back to the stallion only to notice that he was staring, shocked, to see Luna.  "A-aren't you Princess Celestia's sister?"

"Yes, we are Princess Luna, the true Princess of the Night!"  She proclaimed royally.

"Y-your highness!"  He stammered, dropping into a bow.  Unfortunately, he slammed face first into the counter.  He took a step back and completed his bow.  "It is an honor!"

While Luna was unmoved by the display of allegiance, I was getting a little impatient.  "Yeah yeah, she's a great royal figure.  Praise the moon and all that jazz.  So, can I get a soda?"

The stallion nervously stood at attention.  "U-um, would you like something to drink, your highness?"  He completely ignored me in favor of our royal visitor.

"Neigh, we shall be content for the time being."  Luna looked around the room, noting how empty it was.  "Tell me, clerk, why is this establishment open all night?  Surely management could save on operating costs if they were only open in the day, considering such a business is unlikely to generate much traffic in the dead of night."

Despite my building frustration at the delays in getting my beverage, I perked up.  Now that I thought about it, why would an arcade be open 24/7?  It just seemed so convenient at the time, that I didn't even bother to question it.

The stallion blushed slightly, as if his answer was something embarrassing.  "Er, well, we get plenty of customers playing the games we keep in the back..."

I didn't quite catch what he meant.  All I deciphered was that there were mature video games in the back of the arcade.  I brightened considerably.  "Ooh, even better!"  I turned to Luna with excitement.  "You know what kind of secret games they keep in the back, right?"

"We are not sure.  What kind?"

"The good stuff!"  My face twisted into a slightly manic smile of anticipation.  "Games with excessive violence and gore!  Dismemberment, blood sprays, offensive language; mature video games are the pinnacle of the genre!"

The stallion softly scoffed.  "Sure, that's what's back there."

Luna raised an eyebrow at my demeanor.  "We find your taste for brutal imagery disturbing.  Are you sure these video games aren't tainting your mind?"

"Pfft!  Naw, that's just a myth being spread by pussies to take away our fun."

"Hm."  Was all she said about that.  "Very well, we would like to partake in these video games."

"Awesome!"

I finally got my soda from the stallion and we went through a narrow hall that ended with a door.  There was a sign on the door saying "Adults Only: 18+".  This was the portal to the world of the best games available in Equestria.  With my soda held in my magic, I pushed the door open with a free hoof and beheld the gaming delights beyond.

I was sorely mistaken.

There were plenty of customers in this back room, so there was no shortage of (mostly) stallions playing the numerous arcade cabinets depicting mature content.  The odd part was the lecherous stares and voyeuristic grins most of the occupied gamers had.  This was likely because of the games they were playing, which were not the kill-happy gore fests that I was expecting.  Rather, they were all more akin to the game featured on the big screen in the center of the room.  It was displaying a moaning mare, posing provocatively in her full pixelated glory.

I gaped in terror at the eye-searing horrors to befall my sight.  My magic involuntarily cut out.  I reflexively caught my soda in my hoof before it hit the floor.

Luna stepped up next to me and looked up at the screen displaying the mare.  Luna wasn't quite as shocked as I was.  "Ha ha!  She is faking it!"

I shut the door and placed my back on it, as if I could keep my memories safely locked within.  It was unfortunate that memory didn't work that way.  "Uh, maybe we should stick to the kids' stuff."

"Are you sure?  We found that Backdoor Heat game to be very interesting to view."  Luna asked.

"Yeah, I'm sure!"  I answered more quickly and loudly than I probably intended.

Luna shrugged off my reaction, and we settled on playing the tame stuff.  Perhaps with a little distracting, both Luna and I could forget this harrowing experience in Equestrian culture.





Spike stretched and yawned as the morning sun reached his eyes.  The sounds of the morning were crystal clear:  birds chirping, minor chatter of Ponyville citizens...

Actually, now that he paid closer attention to the sounds, they were louder than they usually were.  He sat up and peered towards the balcony.  Odd, why was there a whole chunk of the wall missing?  He looked up at the bed, noting that Twilight was gone.  The bed wasn't made again.

Spike vaguely recalled something happening last night, but nothing about it was too clear.  Something about yelling and meat...

Spike's stomach growled at the thought of food.  He figured that Twilight was in the kitchen and making breakfast, as usual.  He could go for a few pancakes at the moment.  He climbed out of the basket with the expectation of finding cooking food in the kitchen.

He was disappointed to find nothing of the sort.  Everything was as neatly put away as ever.  Twilight was nowhere to be seen, which was even more unusual.

Before he could think about it too hard, his stomach reminded him of the breakfast he could be having.  With a sigh, he took out a pan and some instant pancake mix.  He got to work heating the oven.

He looked around the library one more time, seeing nothing out of place.  Where did Twilight go?  She didn't usually vanish like this...

It was a quiet morning for Spike.  No Twilight meant no token conversation to fill the empty air.  He wasn't sure if that was preferable to being in the same room as her, so he opted to enjoy it the best that he could.  He made his own pancakes and scarfed them down with a side of garnet and milk.  He went through the morning as usual; checking the log for any overdue books, replacing returned books, and passing the time with his bouncy ball because the new issue of Ultra Pony Force wasn't out for another few days.

Then something blue and prismatic crashed through the living room window in a shower of shattered glass.  Spike jumped in fright, then ran over to investigate.  He found a very familiar pegasus shaking her rattled head.

Rainbow Dash hopped up to hover above the pile of broken glass.  "That wasn't me; it was gust of wind!"

Spike was momentarily torn between joking with her and letting it drop.  He decided on the latter.  "Hey Rainbow Dash!  What's up?"

Rainbow looked a little relieved that there wasn't any joking to be made, but she came here for a reason.  "I came by to see if Twilight was here.  I thought she was over at the arcade, but I also didn't think that was right.  She's here, isn't she?"

Spike shook his head.  "No, I haven't seen her all morning.  What makes you think she'd be at the arcade, anyway?"

"Well, there are some rumors going around right now that there's a human playing games with Princess Luna at Joy Stick's place, and Twilight turns into the only human I know of."

Spike scratched his head in wonderment.  "That's weird, why would Twilight be at the arcade?  I thought she was more interested in reading than video games."

"I dunno.  Wanna check it out?"  She asked.

Spike looked over the library.  Eh, he was sure that the library could stand being closed for a little while.  "Sure."

They made quick work of their trip to the arcade.  It wasn't that difficult to find; all they had to do was stop at the building with a line of ponies coming out the doors and a happy stallion on the rooftop merrily cheering about rising profits.  They pushed their way through some of the ponies that they assumed were paying customers.  When they got to the front, they realized that many were actually spectators.   Spike could definitely see why.





I sipped at my soda one more time, eagerly trying to drain some more of the stimulating beverage to power my failing mind.  It was too bad that it was more ice than soda by this point, but I needed some kind of kick.  With a little down-time between levels, I took this opportunity to peel off the top of my drink with my hands and poured ice into my mouth.  I swished the sub zero bricks around, glaring with determination as the cut-scene for the game played.

Famous Power Ponies villain, the Mane-iac, appeared on the screen and taunted us.  "I see you've come this far!"  She said in the form of text.  "But  my Devastation Shampoo Flood is the least of your concerns!  You'll 'mane-ly' meet your end to me!"  Digitized laughter haunted us, and the screen faded to black.

"This is it, Sparkle.  Are you ready for the destruction of our ultimate foe?"  Luna asked, clearly eager to beat the final boss as much as me.

"Oh yeah."  I replied.  "Let's show this ugly bitch how spacious the pound-ass penitentiary is!"

"We have no idea what that means, but let us do just that!"  Luna declared.

The screen faded in to an open roof-top fighting arena.  My avatar, Masked Matterhorn, flashed her horn in preparation for the appearance of the boss.  Luna's chosen hero, Radiance, readjusted her magic bracelet.  In the background, green hair whips grasped the arena.  As menacing as possible for a character who constantly laughs, Mane-iac loomed into the arena and laughed.  Our final battle had begun.

Now, I knew enough about Matterhorn to know that she couldn't fight.  She tried a lot in the comics, but she'd always get beat down if she had to use her hooves.  That's why I opened every battle, like this one, with a long range energy bolt.  It slammed into our enemy with only a sliver taken off her health bar.

"Looks like we're in for the long haul."  I noted.

Then Mane-iac bounded right back up and slapped me without warning, depleting the remainder of my health.  Matterhorn blinked off the screen.

"Well damn, that was sudden!"  I dug into my saddlebags for some more bits, and realized how few there were.  I popped a coin into the machine just as Luna's character rammed into Mane-iac with a shield.  "We've only got one bit left, Luna.  Make it count!"

"Easy, we have her cornered!"  Luna proclaimed.  She tried to do the common fighting game tactic of trapping an opponent into the corner and spamming light attacks to stun-lock.

The problem with her strategy was that Mane-iac, like most of the bosses, had a few invulnerability frames to prevent such a cheap ploy.  So Mane-iac utilized those few frames and chucked her across the screen.  It wouldn't have been so bad if it didn't do so much damage.

I saw Luna gape in the corner of my vision.  "Great Tartarus!  She makes for a deadly opponent!"

"I'll get her!"  I shot a purple bolt of energy at Mane-iac, but my shot was too late.  Mane-iac already leaped across the battlefield and landed right behind me, smacking me again.  "Damn, she's faster than Shadowmane!"

"Trickier, certainly."  Luna conceded, making a ranged attack of her own.  A dodgeball shot across the screen and slammed into Mane-iac.

We fought back and forth like that for a while, but Mane-iac was constantly on the move, and usually out of our way.

"Jeez, can she sit still for one freaking moment?"  I growled.

One of Mane-iac's attacks brought down Radiance, defeating her.

"Darn!"  Luna reflexively protested.  She floated a bit into the machine and respawned.  "Out of bits!"

Mane-iac was difficult.  We lost two lives to her and we didn't even take off an eighth of her double-layered health meter.  Things weren't looking good for the forces of justice.  We tried to rush her again, but she jumped around some more and smacked me into the middle of last week.

While I got my ass kicked, Luna was bringing the pain.  I don't know how she did it, but she could actually get some offense.  Maybe my favorite Power Pony should be someone who isn't useless.

For a while, our battle with Mane-iac became a particularly cheesy ninja movie, where every move was preceded and punctuated with somersaults.  It worked for a while, until Mane-iac's health went critical and she moved even faster than before.

Her movements now seemed like she pounded down a six-pack of energy drinks.  She targeted me in particular, like she has been.  All I could do at that point was take it full in the ass and hope I survived.  I died pretty quickly, leaving Luna controlling a lone Radiance into battle.

"Arrgh!"  I threw my arms up in frustration.  No matter, we still had a chance with Luna in the fight.  "It's up to you now.  I believe in you!"

Luna nodded her affirmation and hit Mane-iac with a jump attack.  Mane-iac attacked and forced Luna back.  Mane-iac hopped around the screen and unleashed a few attacks here and there, which Luna dodged, but she was unable to fight back.  I bit my nails nervously.  At this rate, Luna would get beaten soon.

She lucked out.  Luna found a nice little exploit in Mane-iac's broken A.I. where she would stop attacking if she missed a certain number of attacks.  Once Luna fighured this out, she unleashed a shock and awe campaign on her face!  It didn't seem fair until Mane-iac started working again to repeat the process.

I compared the two health bars on the screen.  Luna could only take one more hit, and Mane-iac still had a quarter of her health left.  But considering how lucky Luna was so far, she might actually win this!

The fight continued with Luna jumping and dodging attacks like the floor was made of lava, until the Mane-iac froze again.  Luna took advantage of the openings every time, smacking Mane-iac around like she owed her money.  Mane-iac's health ticked down further and further until it was do or die.  Each combatant could only take one more hit.  I was on the edge of my stool, intently absorbing every pixel I could see.

Luna jumped and dodged more attacks, but she made a mistake.  She was somersaulting back and forth before, but she accidentally jumped straight up.  She landed earlier than usual and took a tentacle hair slap to the face.  Radiance fell back and thudded against the roof, blinking out of existence.

Luna and I stared in shock at the screen.  The continue message appeared, giving us to the count of twenty to resume our journey.  But we ran out of bits.  Our reaction was what one would expect from a failed quest that lasted four hours.  Simultaneously, we both went "NOOOO!"

"We had her!"  Luna hit the cabinet.  "We were so close!"

"Aww, that was epic."  I regretfully conceded.

We silently and morosely watched the counter tick down to zero, and Mane-iac laughed at us again.  "Maybe next time, fools!"

"Yeah yeah, I'll kick your ass some day."  I muttered.

After a moment, Luna sighed and turned to me.  "That was fun."

"Yeah, that was great.  I haven't binged on video games in months."

Luna thought for a moment and remembered something.  She looked over at the clock by the store-front window and noticed the time.  She flared up.  "Egads, it has been hours since our arrival in Ponyville!  It's even sunny out!"  Luna turned and forcefully shook my hand.  "Twas great being with you, but our sister is waiting on us and we must be off, like, two hours ago.  Farewell!"  She sprinted through the crowd of ponies who dove out of the way of their princess in a hurry.

I sat there and watched her leave.  The ponies turned to me for some kind of explanation of anything, so I just shrugged.  The crowd parted after a bit, but two familiar people approached me.  "Ah, Rainbow, Spike!  How's it goin'?"

Rainbow chuckled.  "When did you become buddies with Princess Darkness?"

"You mean Luna?  We just started hanging out this morning."

Rainbow looked skeptical.  "Uh, but Spike just said he didn't see you all morning."

"Well, it was midnight..."

"Wow, have you seriously not gotten any sleep last night?  How are you still awake?"  Rainbow asked.

I rattled my nearly empty cup at her.  "Lots of soda."  I failed to stifle a powerful yawn.  "Oh great, now I'm aware of my fatigue again."

"You need a nap or something?"

I yawned again, tears coming to my eyes.  "Definitely.  I guess I'm goin' home."  I stood up and made my way to the exit.

Rainbow and Spike followed me home.  I zoned out of most of the talking.  Why did I decide to play video games for so long?  I knew that would be a bad idea.

Well, it was nice to share my interests with someone.  Luna seemed to enjoy herself, and we had some good times in Maretropolis.  Could I consider this a good morning even when I felt like the walking dead?  Perhaps when I wake up next, I'll think so.