//------------------------------//
// Close Encounters of the Regal Kind 
// Story: Of Vodka and Cider 
// by UglyTurnip 
//------------------------------//

That night was the longest one Nikolai had ever experienced, and it wasn't because of the annoying aches all over his body. No, every time he tried to fall asleep, his mind would replay that incident with Berry. He still couldn't believe he almost kissed a pony, such a thing felt so ridiculous, but it had happened, and no matter how hard he tried to shake it off and forget it, it came back. He grunted and shifted a little to the left to see the first rays of incoming sunlight. He hadn't slept a wink all night, a first for the drunk, and he had a busy day ahead. He decided that it was too late to try to go back to sleep and forced himself to stand up. He yawned, stretched, and scratched his ass, then made his way to the stairs. He paused awkwardly at the first step, and he felt butterflies in his stomach.

"Why am I scared?" He muttered quietly, trying to shake it off. "I am Nikolai, a man so powerful, even Stalin feared me."

But the butterflies did not subside, instead, they became more prevalent the longer he waited. Feelings of nervousness crept into his mind, but not quite in the same way they had in Stalliongrad. He couldn't believe himself; out of all the things to worry about today, it was meeting Berry downstairs. He sighed, cleared himself of his thoughts, and gathered the courage to walk down.

Halfway down, heard Berry's ungraceful trotting from downstairs, and he momentarily stopped again, before slapping himself in the face and putting on a casual expression.

"Morning," he smiled at Berry, who sat on the couch with a half-eaten hay sandwich nearby.

She gulped down her current bite and managed her own smile, but, unknown to Nikolai, it was also forced. "Oh, hey. Sleep well?"

"Like a rock," Nikolai lied, but Berry caught the shakiness in his voice. "I feel great," Nikolai smiled as he stretched, trying to ignore the burning pain he felt in the chest.

"That's good, I guess," Berry stated awkwardly, noticing how weird it was for her to not call Nikolai out on his blatant lying. 

"Yep, all good."

There was a long, painful moment of silence before Nikolai broke it. "Well, I have to meet the princess today. You know, about Stalliongrad and stuff. It's very important," he said as he made his way to the door. "I need to get going."

Berry wasn't about to just let him slip out again. "I know. I'm coming with you."

Nikolai froze in his tracks. "Y-you're coming with?"

"Yeah. Is that a problem?" Berry questioned slyly as she took another bite of her sandwich. 

"Well, you see, you," Nikolai's eyes darted as he searched for an answer. He couldn't understand why he was suddenly so bad at lying. With Dempsey, Takeo, and Richtofen, with his comrades in arms, hell, even with his wives, Nikolai could easily lie to their face without hesitation. Now, he found himself tripping over his words and thoughts like he had never told a lie in his life. "You. . . You weren't invited! Yeah, that's it. Celestia didn't invite you."

Berry gave a devious grin as she saw that she had cornered Nikolai. "Well, I was there. I have information too. I'm sure Princess Celestia would like to hear a second testimony, no?" She argued, raising an eyebrow.

Nikolai caved. "Fine, you can go."

Berry seem satisfied with that answer and took one last big bite, finishing off her sandwich. "I'm glad you changed your mind."

Nikolai groaned, unable to come up with any other vocal response.

. . .

Rarity was not the kind of pony to rise with the sun. Part of that was because she was a firm believer in the power of beauty sleep, and the other part was that she was just a very heavy sleeper. Not even Nikolai's banging on the front door awoke her from her slumber, much to his frustration.

"Rarity!" Berry called from the front door. "Are you in there?"

Silence.

"Fuck," Nikolai groaned before slamming the full might of his fist on the door.

It was a minor surprise when Apple Bloom came to the door. "Hi, y'all!" She greeted cheerfully. "Lookin' fur Rarity?"

"Yes, tiny hick horse," Nikolai replied, forgetting her name. "She promised a new outfit."

"She's still asleep," Apple Bloom replied, rolling her eyes. "You know how she's like."

"Yes, do you mind if we come in?" Nikolai asked, though he and Berry stepped in before they actually got an answer.

"Yeah," Apple Bloom nodded. "Allow me to go get Rarity fir ya'll."

Apple Bloom left the room and went upstairs to the master bedroom. "Miss Rarity!" They heard her call. "Mister Nikolai is here, he said somethin' bout an outfit!"

They could hear Rarity awaken with a gasp. "Oh no!" She exclaimed. "I wasn't aware that he would be here this early!" She got quieter after that, and the two of them couldn't make out what she was saying, but Apple Bloom returned a few moments later with a small smile on her face.

"She says ta' give 'er a few minutes to get ready, if that's OK."

Nikolai nodded dismissively. "I suppose."

"What are ya' doin' with Mister Nikolai, Miss Punch?" Apple Bloom asked innocently, now focusing solely on the mare for the first time.

"Oh, you know," Berry began, searching for an acceptable reason for being with Nikolai. "I just thought I'd check out the new outfit. I want to make sure it looks good."

"But Applejack says you don't care 'bout fashion. That it's a waste of time."

"Well, I don't," Berry admitted. "But we're going out later."

"Like a date?"

Both Nikolai and Berry blushed. "Uh, no. It's just. . ."

"Early morning drinking time!" Nikolai exclaimed. "Yeah, that's it. There's never a bad time to drink."

Berry Punch isn't a good role model fir young fillies, Apple Bloom. Apple Bloom remembered what her sister had said about the town drunk. She was quickly coming to the conclusion that it applied to Nikolai as well. "But couldn't that ruin yur' new outfit, Nikolai?"

Nikolai shrugged. "Every stain is a story."

"That's one way to look at it."

It was Scootaloo now, entering from Sweetie Belle's room. Scootaloo's mother was a heavy drinker herself, and the young pegasus had learned the philosophy of a drinker firsthand as a result. "I've heard mom say similar stuff."

"Mornin', Scootaloo," Apple Bloom greeted. "Ah'm just talkin' to the guests while Rarity gets ready."

Scootaloo rubbed the sleep out of her eye. "I know. I've been eavesdropping just to see if I could get a cool spy-themed cutie mark."

Apple Bloom checked Scootaloo's flank. "No luck, ah' see."

"Nope," Scootaloo glanced back, ever so slightly disappointed. "It was worth a shot, though."

"Is Sweetie still asleep?"

"Of course she is," Scootaloo chuckled. "She's just like her sister."

"Who's just like their sister?" Came Rarity as she made her way down the stairs. She was wearing fresh eye-liner and her mane was brushed in its usual smile, and she gave off the slightest scent of some fruity perfume that nobody else in the room could identify.

"Sweetie Belle," Nikolai stated blankly. 

Rarity smiled, not aware of how exactly Sweetie Belle was like her, but assuming it was good. "Well, that is very sweet of you to say, Scootaloo," Rarity patted the pegasus on the head. "You know, you do remind me of Rainbow Dash."

"Really!?" Scootaloo lit up. "Yes!"

Rarity turned to Nikolai. "I spent all day yesterday making your outfit, and I am absolutely positively sure that you're going to love it."

"Sure," Nikolai said dismissively. "Let's just get this over with."

Rarity ignored Nikolai's negative attitude and went to her work room. She soon returned with a stylish black tuxedo and set it on a nearby table.

"Ta-da!" Rarity gestured at her creation. "C'est magnifique, non?"

Nikolai grabbed the suit and held it against his body, half-heartedly analyzing it. "Eh, looks good to me," he shrugged. "I'll go try it on."

He disappeared into a changing booth and emerged about a minute later. The tuxedo was more form-fitting than his uniform, exposing his modest-yet-visible gut. His hair, visible for the first time, was a dark brown, well what was left of it anyway. Let's just say that the ponies had found out why exactly Nikolai covers his scalp.

Rarity gasped, unable to contain her shock. "Darling, I had not idea that humans had such shiny, ugly domes!" She exclaimed loudly as she galloped back into her work room to find a solution.

"Hey!" Nikolai yelled back, self-consciously covering his scalp. "Don't talk about Nikolai's hairline that way!"

Rarity scrambled back in, levitating a trilby onto Nikolai's head. "Here, luckily I had something to fix this dreadful problem."

Nikolai stared at himself in the nearby mirrors, slowly rubbing his chin. "I look like western capitalist; fat and well-dressed."

Berry came over and scanned Nikolai. "Eh, the trilby might be too much."

"No!" Nikolai shouted, his eyes widening. "Nobody must know of Nikolai's hair problem."

"But-

"Nobody," Nikolai was dead serious, moving his finger to his lips and making a shhh sound. "Got it?"

Berry rolled her eyes. "Alright. Hey, we should really get going. Twilight's probably getting sick of waiting."

"Oh, shit," Nikolai nodded, squinting at Rarity's clock before going to pick up his old outfit.

The two disappeared out the door with a quick "Thanks, Rarity!"

Rarity grumbled. "Sweetie Belle?"

"Yes, Rarity?"

"Remind me to never marry a working-class stallion."

Sweetie Belle shrugged. "OK?"

. . .

Twilight waited patiently at the front door of the library for Nikolai to show up. The alicorn stretched in the morning light, still trying to shake off the shackles of sleep. She hadn't slept well since news broke two nights ago about the 'Stalliongrad Slaughter", as Cadence had called it. She was told of bodies littering the streets, of total anarchy, and worse of all, reanimated corpses. The city was a total loss; only a handful of refugees were ever found alive. 

Spike, however, was not told much about the slaughter. He only knew what he overheard in town. Of course, he was aware that Twilight knew more, but she never budged when he asked, and said something about 'royal business'. It was not true, as Twilight had been given no indication to keep details private. It was her motherly side restricting her from telling Spike. He was just a baby dragon, she had reasoned to herself. It was important for him to keep his innocence for as long as possible. As a result, Twilight had given him the day off, and he was content to spend it napping lazily.

"Oh, hi Twilight," came a soft voice from nearby.

She jumped quietly before realizing it was just Fluttershy.

"Oh," Fluttershy muttered, realizing she had scared her friend. "I-I'm sorry, Twilight, I didn't mean to startle you like that."

Twilight gave a small smile. "No, no, you're fine. I was just lost in thought."

"About what, if I may ask, of course?"

Twilight hesitated. "Nothing important, just a new shipment of books that's coming soon," she lied. 

"Oh, well, I was just stopping by to say hi. Have you heard the news?"

"About Stalliongrad?"

Fluttershy shook her head. "Well, no, but I know what happened there, and it's awful. I mean the news about Rainbow Dash."

"What about her?" Twilight inquired.

"She caught her wing in an apple tree and broke it. Applejack carried her to the hospital last night."

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Did Applejack tell you this story?"

Fluttershy shrugged. "Yeah. Why do you ask?" 

"Applejack is a terrible liar."

Fluttershy was taken aback slightly. "You don't think she would lie about something that serious, would you?"

Twilight chuckled. "This is Rainbow Dash we're talking about, right? She's not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but she would know better than to practice flying at Sweet Apple Acres; there's too many hills and trees."

Fluttershy thought about it. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Pinkie and Applejack are visiting her in the hospital right now, if you want to come."

Twilight frowned sympathetically. "I'm sorry Fluttershy, but I have a busy day toda-"

"Hello, Fluttershy! It is good to see you!" Came Nikolai's booming voice.

Of course, this sudden noise caused Fluttershy to spring ten feet into the air. Twilight had been so focused on Fluttershy that she hadn't noticed Nikolai and Berry Punch's arrival. 

"Oh, h-hi Nikolai," Fluttershy managed to squeak out when she floated down and saw that it was just the goofy Russian. "How are you today? Nice outfit."

"Thank you, Fluttershy," the Russian acknowledged. "Nikolai is not doing so well," he yawned. "I didn't get any sleep last night."

"Hey," Berry gave an accusatory look. "You told me you slept well las-"

Nikolai put his hand over Berry's mouth nervously. "Yep, terrible. Not a single wink."

"Well," Fluttershy began, trying to make the conversation less awkward. "Have you heard about Rainbow Dash?"

"Didn't she break her wing?" Berry stated after Nikolai took his hand off, still giving Nikolai the same expression that she had before. 

"Yeah. Applejack said she got caught in a tree."

Nikolai didn't bother to conceal his growing smirk. "Oh, I bet she did."

"Yeah, I was just about to visit her in the hospital? Want to come?"

"No, Rainbow Dash hates Nikolai. I have a feeling it would make things awkward."

Fluttershy sighed and began to trot away. "I guess I'll go by myself then. Bye, Twilight."

Once she was out of sight, Twilight turned to Berry. "Hi, Berry. I'm sorry, but the library isn't going to be open today."

"I'm not here for the library," Berry stated bluntly. "I'm here about Stalliongrad."

Twilight shot an annoyed glance at Nikolai. "Nikolai, this was meant to be kept private."

"What?" Nikolai questioned. "She was there too."

Twilight nodded. "True, but I hoped that we could have kept this between us."

"It was a nightmare getting out. We lost some good men, too," Berry explained. "I imagine Princess Celestia will take as many testimonies as she can get."

"Men?" Twilight's eyes widened. "As in Nikolai's kind?"

Nikolai nodded. "I ran into three other humans; two Russians and an American. I know for sure that one is dead, the other two are likely to be if we haven't heard from them by now."

"Interesting," Twilight pondered. "I mean, it's terrible that they died, but Celestia would love to know how more humans ended up in Equestria."

"So, what time does the train run?" Berry asked. "All this standing around is only burning daylight."

Twilight smirked. "We don't need the train. Grab on to my fur."

Nikolai and Berry glanced awkwardly at each other before doing so.

"So, are you gonna-"

POOF

"-teleport us there?" Berry awkwardly finished as she realized she was now in the royal castle.

"No shit, Berry," Nikolai stated. "Princess Sparkle is an excellent magician."

Twilight scoffed playfully. "Magician? No, that's a term used by Trixie and ponies like her."

"Trixie?" Nikolai questioned.

"Egotistic bitch," Berry whispered in Nikolai's ear, as she remembered both of Trixie's visits to Ponyville. 

"Berry," Twilight scolded. "I'm sure Trixie's learned her lesson. Let her go," she then nodded forward. "This way, the princess is waiting."

The young princess led the two alcoholic friends through elegantly decorated hallways, past bright and colorful stained-glass windows that reminded Nikolai of his old Russian Orthodox church, and to a large door far taller than even himself. It was all so very interesting to Nikolai, who had been too busy entertaining his thoughts of revolution to pay attention to the architecture the first time around. He was impressed, to say the least.

Twilight acknowledged the guards with a small smile, and they opened the door. As the door gave way to reveal the throne room, Princess Celestia stood overlooking her city from a window before turning to the three of them and putting on a small smile. Other than the four of them, the room was barren of any life. She had neither guards not royal advisors with her. Not even Princess Luna stood in the room with her. If there was one subject that Nikolai was reasonably knowledgeable about, it was politics, and despite Princess Celestia's warm smile, he knew that this was deeply troubling her.

"Thank you for coming, Nikolai," Celestia greeted, beckoning forward. "It is important for us to resolve this crisis as quickly as possible."

"Yes, indeed," Nikolai stated, walking closer to the princess. "What would you like to-"

"Excuse me, princess," Berry interrupted, much to Nikolai's annoyance. "My name is Berry Punch. I'm from Ponyville, and I was with Nikolai in Stalliongrad."

Celestia politely nodded, the town drunk just now getting her attention for the first time. "Yes, forgive me, I was not aware of any other witnesses. Please, join us," she then turned to Twilight. "You too, Twilight. I would like your input on the matter."

Twilight and Berry made their way to Nikolai until all three stood side-by-side in front of the monarch. 

"Now," Celestia began. "What brought you to Stalliongrad, Nikolai?"

"I was with Berry and another pony named Cherry Pop. We were coming to get a shipment of vodka, but we found no vodka, only undead ponies."

Nikolai noticed Celestia's eyes widen. "Cadence told me what she had seen, but. . . I couldn't believe it, even from her," Celestia explained, genuine worry in her voice. "Undead ponies?"

Berry nodded. "The entire population was zombified. We barely survived as it was," Berry explained. She then turned to Nikolai. "And I think you have something veriy important to say, right?"

Nikolai stepped up to where he was just a mere foot away from Celestia. "Princess," he began nervously. "There were things from my universe. The zombies had the exact same soulless yellow eyes that I'm familiar with. The mystery box was there, and it gave my group weapons. I found more humans there, my kind, not this 'mirror world' variety Twilight talks about."

Celestia was quiet for a second, taking it all in. "Do you have any idea how these objects may have entered Equestria?"

Nikolai shook his head. "No, and that's what worries me. I arrived here by a teleporter malfunction, but I came alone and mostly unarmed. These items and people, I don't know how else they got here."

Celestia turned her back on him for a few seconds. "This is troubling news, Nikolai. Something had bridged our worlds together, and we have to stop it."

"How can we do that, Princess?" Twilight spoke up. "You aren't suggesting that we send Nikolai back, are you?"

Celestia hesitated. "No, but we must find out what this force is and destroy it. Equestria is growing weary of these countless tragedies, and it's time that us princesses acted."

She turned back to Nikolai. "Nikolai, I need you to go back to Stalliongrad and find-"

"Let me just stop you there, princess," Nikolai interrupted. "I am not setting foot in that city again."

Celestia grew firm, but still gentle and understanding. "I understand your concerns, but I shall ensure that you remain safe. My sister is already on the scene, probably putting those poor ponies out of their misery. She'll protect you."

"I could come along with you, if it would help," Twilight offered.

Nikolai did not speak for several seconds. "I suppose I have no real choice, do I?"

Celestia shook her head. "This must be done, Nikolai. Think of how many ponies will die if this happens again."

Nikolai thought of Polonsky and how he had risked everything just on the chance that Reznov was still alive. Then he thought about the possibility of finding them alive, hiding in a building somewhere. It was enough to convince him.

"I shall get my rifle and meet her shortly."