In most fairy tales the goofy, accident prone, and hopeless but lovable colt always ends up with the beautiful mare, trotting off into the sunset. These books are boring. Life is usually quite a bit more interesting and generally makes for a better story. As it stands, reality (and some meddling princesses) decided to have a bit more fun with the most unlikely duo that could be presented.
Our story begins where most stories begin, at the beginning. While most ponies’ typical day is filled with boredom and drudgery, the average Ponyville citizen will tell you that it’s the typical days that a pony needs to watch out for. Those are the days, usually Tuesdays, that bring about the most chaos. Alas for our heroes, today was a Tuesday.
Rainbow Dash was known for many things. She was the self-declared fastest pegasus in Equestria, a member of the esteemed elements of harmony, and now one of the members of the newly formed council of friendship. She was not known however, for her ability to avoid the abode of Princess Twilight Sparkle. The sound of breaking glass and crystal echoed throughout the town as Rainbow dived through what appeared to be a window. Twilight looked up from her studying and sighed, “Spike, take a note. Polish exterior less…” Spike the dragon looked up from his comic book at the crater in the middle of their new library, blinked a few times and said,
“I have to clean that up don’t I?”
“ughhhhhhhh…”
“It should be easy for you now mister, ever since your growth spurt, you can almost re-shelve as fast as me!” Twilight beamed. “Plus you can stop by Quills and Sofas on your way back from dropping Rainbow at the hospital.” She smirked as Rainbow shot up trying to back pedal through the air.
“Spike you don’t need to do that,” Rainbow said hastily, “I’m perfectly fine see,” she did some quick flips to prove her point.
“In that case, you can help Spike clean up.” Twilight smiled as Rainbow sheepishly sunk down to the floor. “You remember where the broom and forklift are, don’t you Rainbow?”
“Yeah, yeah Twi it’s not like this is my first time after all.” Rainbow muttered as she and Spike made their way over to the maintenance closet. “You’d think with how big this place is you would have ponies to do this for you.”
“Oh we did for a bit,” Spike said, “But they all quit after Twilight started trying to get them to be friends as part of an experiment. She had this great plan to try and improve workplace productivity but all it ended up doing was increasing songs per hour by 33.3%.”
“You practice hypnotism one time…” Twilight muttered under her breath. “You two get going, I’m going to go see Mayor Mare for my weekly disaster planning session. Try not to break any more magical castles while I’m gone okay?”
“No promises!” Spike called as Twilight stalked out the castle, muttering to herself about friendship and the sanctity of proper castle washing. “I guess we should get started, you wanna take the broom or the forklift?”
“I’ll take the broom if you agree to let me give you flying lessons; I want to see those bad boys in action!” Spike looked at his newly formed wings and shrugged.
“Alright you got a deal.”
“Spit shake.”
“Kay…” as the dragon and pony sealed the contract in the hallowed traditions foals everywhere, a very important and powerful duo watched with great interest. Through her powerful telescope, Princess Luna, guardian of the night and spider toss champion observed the pair and rubbed her chin menacingly.
“Soon my little sentient beings, soon…” As Luna observed the pair from her balcony she was soon joined by another.
“Lulu, have you seen my… oh hey whatcha watching?” Princess Celestia, daybringer and professional cake eater, wandered up to her beloved sister and immediately tried to push her out of the way. “Is it interesting? Is there cake? You never share!”
“Sister cease! Tis my telescope and my cunning plan.” As she was pushed away from her telescope – not due to any weakness to be sure, merely a matter of mass- “ Must you always fiddle in the lives of our charges?”
“Ooh what have we here,” Celestia smiled to herself, “Luna I’m shocked, spying on an inferior pair when Twilight and Rarity are obviously more compatible? Tsk tsk… where’s the focus on this thing…” As Celestia fumbled with the device, Luna quickly thought of a plan.
“Celly if you don’t stop now, I’ll hide all the cake with Discord.” Celestia froze.
“You wouldn’t.”
“I would.”
“Cease your lies sister, lest you bring the wrath of the sugar deprived sun!” Luna knew she had struck a nerve, things usually got interesting when Celestia slipped back into the royal Canterlot dialect. A large bang was heard as an explosion of confetti rained down on the two sisters. An evil cackle was heard as pink clouds formed just above Luna’s balcony. The chocolate rain immediately started to fall as the laws of physics decided that they had better places to be at the moment.
“MUAHAHAHA! The disharmony I feel has released me from my slumber! Fear the combined randomness of Discord and special guest Pinkie Pie!” As both aforementioned eldritch beings of chaos -although one was a one year less eldritch then the element of kindness- appeared on the balcony.
“Hiya!”
“Discord, you’ve been free for months…” Luna said, “In fact yesterday you and I competed on the field of the toss.”
“Details, details Lulu, you can’t possibly expect consistency from moi.” Discord smiled to himself as Physics peaked its head out, saw who was on the balcony, and hightailed it to a less entropic place.
“Discord, Luna isn’t sharing her telescope with me!” Celestia said with a pout, “Plus she’s paring the wrong two ponies. It’s obvious that Rarity and Twilight have the best pairing and should be focused on to the extent of all else. Pinkie dear, would you please get off of the cloud; it seems rather uncomfortable with you licking it…” As Pinkie floated down from the cloud, Physics took one last look at the situation and decided that it would no longer make any more appearances for the rest of the adventure.
“Well it’s obvious on how to settle this,” Pinkie said with a grin, “We need teams! Team SpikeDash and Team Twarity, Luna you lead team SpikeDash to victory while Celestia is shown how wrong team Twarity is!”
“Now hold on a minute Pinks,” Discord said with what appears to resemble a frown, “I’m all for the chaos and silliness but it’s pretty clear that Twarity is far more meaningful then some silly pairing between a pony and a dragon with nothing in common. I shall have to join old Celly here in what promises to be an epic showdown of wits, blackmail, and good ol’ fashion sexual tension.”
And so the stage was set, an epic battle of wills was about to happen. On one side, Luna and Pinkie Pie, fighting to bring Rainbow Dash and Spike together at last. On the other, Celestia and Discord attempting to help Rarity and Twilight realize their chemistry. The only thing left to do now, was actually get these ponies (and dragon) who had very little in common to hang out and eventually decide ‘eh, wanna make out?’